I love
by Sailor-Nova343
Summary: When Konan enters a boarding school where she has to stay with the boys, she knows it's going to be crazy. But she could never be prepared for what lies in store for her. Rated M for later chapters.
1. St Misery's Acadamy

**Welcome to Misery, part one: boarding school for the artistically gifted**

Konan sighed, looking out at the pounding rain. It was lovely. She had decided years ago that rain was her favourite weather. It was so calming, and peaceful...it really was a wonderful sensation, to watch the rain. It _wasn't _a wonderful sensation at _all _to be standing in the cold, completely drenched, banging on the door of a school that looked more like a gothic asylum. The building was pitch black against the grey sky, with tall, spiked metal fences surrounding the unkempt grounds and chips and cracks in almost every windowpane. Konan sighed: her paper flower had long since been discarded as a lost cause: it had become so soggy she was worried it would melt into her hair. She banged on the door again. She checked the name: was she where she was supposed to be? She looked at the large brass plate upon the door. _St Misery's School for the Artistically Gifted. _This was the right place alright. This was going to be her new home for the next two years. Her father had insisted that she would love it. She wasn't quite so sure, but then, she didn't have anywhere else to go, and the building was...lovely...in its own gothic...scary-looking way. Finally somebody opened the door. It was a girl, dressed in a high-collared black dress with a light grey apron tied around her waist with a thin black bow. Konan liked her outfit. But she was probably a maid. She had dark brown hair, around the same length as Konan's own blue. She smiled, and curtseyed. _Since when do people do that? _Konan wondered, thinking that this place might be more like a macabre dream than a real school.

"Are you Konan Amega?" she asked, somehow both timid and forward at the same time. Konan nodded. "Come in. Lady Tsunade'd like to meet you before you get settled. I'm Shizune, by the way." she said. Konan wasn't sure how to reply to that, so she kept quiet. Shizune seemed happy just to tell her about the place as they mounted long staircases. Konan looked around her as they walked; there were paintings all over the place, and statues that looked quite Greek, and doors to classrooms that had all been painted in various styles. Lots of them were covered with clay figures, some had paper-mache people on them, or hands coming out of them. Some even had metal dragons and animals that seemed to leap out at them from the doors. There were mobiles hanging from the celings, there were paintings and murals and sculptures and wood carvings and stories or poems that went ceiling to floor, wall to wall...there was art of almost every kind decorating the stone walls. Konan almost strained her neck, looking around herself.

"...your baggage arrived two days ago, so it's lucky that it rain until today..." Shizune was still talking, Konan realized suddenly. "Here you go. This is Lady Tsunade's office." Shizune said, stopping outside ornately carved double doors (with some not-so-ornate carvings along the bottom: swears, grotesque faces, perverted images...). Shizune knocked twice, then opened the door, beckoning for Konan to go in first.

Konan walked inside.

Her first impression of the room was that Lady Tsunade had tried to create a haven in which she could pretend that there _weren't _a thousand or so teenagers running and shouting and who-knows-what-ing right outside. The walls were a calming shade of pale grass green, and the carpet was an ocean blue. There were huge windows behind the large mahogany desk, sheilded from the view of the rain by long white curtains, which quivered slightly with the small breeze created by the opening of the door. Lady Tsunade herself was sitting at her desk, scribbling something down on a pad of paper. Konan walked forwards awkwardly, and sat down on one of the wooden chairs when Shizune made a half-frantic point from her to the chair. Konan looked up at the headmistress. She had long-ish pale blonde hair that was tied back in two pigtails, kind-looking brown eyes, and the biggest boobs Konan had ever seen. Being a rather soft-yet-slim girl with no curves to boast about, Konan was flabbergasted by the Headmistress's watermelons. They were HUGE! She tore her eyes away from the impossibly big mounds of flesh to see Lady Tsunade looking at her with a my-eyes-are-here expression. Konan looked at her feet.

"Konan Amega. It's a pleasure to have you here." she said, in a kind, straightforward voice. Konan looked up again. "Shizune has a copy of your course schedule for you, as well as a time table." Shizune handed Konan several sheets of paper, which Konan began to read. Okay...

Monday - 9:00 - Origami - 10:30 - Break - 10:45 - Drawing - 12:15 - Lunch - 1:45 - Gym - 2:30 - Music - 7:30 - Dinner - 11: 15 - Lights Out, no shit.

Konan stifled a giggle. _No shit..._

Tuesday to Friday was much the same as that, except instead of origami, drawing and music, she had painting, sculpture, metalshop, sewing, and choir. Gym was every day. Weekends, it was all free time except for Special Events. Konan supposed that she would find out what that was later.

"Now, Konan...because of a slight mix-up in your arrangements..." Konan looked up. A mix-up? Oh dear. Tsunade looked a teensy bit sheepish. Konan looked to Shizune, who gave the tiniest shake of the head: not now.

"...Because of the rather unique way in which you have been admitted to this school...We didn't have your admission in time to secure you a place to sleep with the girls...But luckily, your father has mailed us a form of consent allowing you to sleep in the room that we _do _have available, because one of the other pupils...er...couldn't attend." Konan was trying to follow. She...didn't have a room with girls...so...no way. She couldn't mean...

"The room that has been prepared for you has its own bathroom, (so naturally everybody's jealous) and a lock on the door." Tsunade was obviously straining to make this sound like amazing news instead of horrible news.

"I have made sure that you are completely welcome in the boy's dorm." Boys. Boys dorm. Konan's stomach had suddenly fallen down to her feet and was now writhing in among her achilles tendons. She had enough trouble _talking _to boys, let alone _sleep _in the same dorm as them...

Soon enough, however, she was trudging behind a once-again chatting Shizune, headed for doom...the boy's dorm.

Shizune stopped outside large double doors that had a large black chain around the handles.

"What's that for?" Konan asked, her voice a little unsteady as she stared at the threatening black chain.

"Oh, that." Shizune said as she rattled around, taking out a huge key from one of her deep pockets and fitting it into an ancient-looking lock. It's to stop any night-time wanderers or girl-chasers. _Girl chasers...great. _Konan sighed, absent-mindedly fiddling with her black skirt. It had three layers, and was long-sleeve. She was wearing a just-above-knee-length dark grey button-down coat over top, and black and gry vertical stripe tights with small black boots.

"Oh, that's right," Shizune suddenly said, undoing the chain with an echoing clatter. "Your school uniforms are on your bed, along with your luggage." "Oh, there's a school uniform?" Shizune nodded vigourously. "_Oh _yes. Anybody caught altering their uniform (cutting hems, sewing on lace, tearing sleeves, etc) is awarded, depending on the artisticness and detail of their outfit." Konan smiled: This _was _an art school, after all. "However," Shizune continued, flinging open the heavy doors and walking forwards into the darkened hall.

"Anyone who alters their uniform in a way that it is against the dress code, yes there is a dress code, is severely punished. Things like, cutting the skirt so short you can practically see their ass, tearing the top so their boobs hang out, show their stomach, or don't wear a uniform at all..." Konan laughed, and Shizune seemed to be recalling some kind of streaker event as her eyes slid out of focus and a grin appeared on her face. "...in any case, you can't alter your gym outfit too much, because that's the one that there isn't a back up for, in case your design doesn't work out." Konan nodded.

They were walking through the hall, and Konan could see doors on either side of them, each with locks and bolts on the outside. "These are the First years," Shizune pointed to four doors.

"Second years," two doors. ("There was a horrible bout of Intern's Disease that year, in Health class")"Third years...Fourth years...Here you are. Fifth years. There are Seven years, and Eighth and Ninth years if you are a total falier. Luckily we've only ever had one of those, and he died anyways, so it's no big thing." Shizune flapped her hand airily at the idea of one of the students merely _dying_. So trivial.

Konan was looking at the large door with dread. There were two doors with a big 5 on them, and she seemed to be faced with the more intimidating of the two: it was painted with an open, fanged mouth. Shizune walked forwards, unlocked the door, and walked in, Konan following, _very _unhappily.

They passed four doors, then stopped at the fifth. There was a chalkboard on the door, and Konan wrote her name on it, plain and simple, except for the extra loop on her K. She stepped inside. Shizune pointed out the lock on the door, and the key on the dresser. Konan decided that she could grow to love the room. There was a nice bathroom, too. Shizune reviewed everything she would need to know, including the fact that there was a holiday tomorrow, and an assembly.

"Good night, and welcome to St Misery!" _Welcome to St Misery..._Konan smirked. That just sounded funny. She locked her door, turned on the light, and looked around. There was nice pale, pale grey walpaper with faint silvery flowers on it, a grey and black checked bedspread, and dark, wood chests, table and chairs. There was a pale grey carpet over the dark panelled floor.

Konan smiled, flung her jacket onto the bed, and went to the bathroom. Turning on the light, she saw a large mirror, polished sink, toilet, and shower and- _A HUGE SPIDER OHHHMYYYGODDDD _Konan shrieked, a sound to wake the dead, sprinted out of the bathroom, grabbed her knives, everything she had smuggled past security, and flung it at the monsterous, hairy arachnid that was sitting at the bottom of the shower, sprinting out of the bathroom again after throwing everything she had at it, and then leaped onto her bed, shuddering. She _hated _spiders. She sat there for a little bit until she thought she heard muffled laughter. Frowning, she cautiously tip-toed into the bathroom. And then she gasped: her axe, butcher's knife, scissors, and dagger were all embedded into a huge _rubber _spider.

Konan, face burning with rage and embarassment, picked up her weapons, (she had cracked the shower, but she didn't care too much, and the very much _dead _rubber spider. She flung the weapons into the bottom drawer, hiding them under a load of socks, and tossed the rubber spider into the garbage. Then she plotted her revenge on her new 'roomies'. After unpacking her bags, and examining the uniforms (pretty black pinafores with dark grey tights and pale grey collared t-shirt, with the school crest on ( a black raven on a black tree with a white moon and a grey cloud), she took out her was what had made her baggage heavy enough to be transported on it's own: although she knew that the school supplied origami paper, she had brought her own for purposes like _this. _

She opened her door, looked down the tiny hallway (she forsaw bumping into people in the future) and stepped out, already in her pale grey nightdress and black leggings with grey socks and black bunny slippers. She was amused that her entire wardrobe matched the school's. Ironic. She had replaced her paper hair accessory, and was now sitting on the floor, readying herself and her energy for what was to come. She wasn't tired enough for sleep, despite it being three am. She was ready to scare the shit out of the first boy out of his room. She began folding her paper at an amazing speed, feeling it come alive in her hands. She smirked as her project began to take form; _she _was gonna get the last laugh this time.

The next morning, Konan brushed her hair, put it half-up in its usual messy bun, adjusted her paper flower, put on the school uniform (she had already shortened it slightly, added pale grey and black lace to the bottom hem, painstakingly painted white flowers onto the black pinafore's buttons, and had created artistic runs in the tights. She checked herself in the mirror to make sure that she wasn't _totally _unattractive (she was capable of looking like a real zombie), and she headed out the door, her black and grey flowered bag over her shoulder, her schedule tucked inside of it safely, along with her supplies and books. Konan took one last look at her artwork before tromping loudly down the hall, making sure to wake up the boys at the _ungodly _hour of six in the morning.

She heard sevearl moans, swears, and other irritated-boys-in-early-morning sounds, and was amused as she opened the door into the larger hall. Immediately she was thankful that she'd thought to leave early. At around eight thirty, there would be at least fifty boys tromping around here, talking, laughing, swearing, fighting...urgh. It all made her happy she was a girl, and _unhappy _that she would be staying with such unintelligent brutes. Her experiences with _real _boys were minamal, but memorable enough to warn her away from them. She walked quietly through the empty hall, making her way to somewhere she hoped she could hide unitl breakfast.

Meanwhile, Hidan was swearing.

"Fucking bitch! Why'd she have to stomp through there like some kind of fucking hippo! I bet she's fat!" he was seething. Deidara was in Hidan's room too, having used the adjoining door.

"I don't know about you, but I think that she's paying us back for the spider." he mumbled, and Hidan vaguely wondered if the blonde was really awake.

"Paying us back? That asswipe bitch can just fuck herself if she thinks that I'm gonna stand for this kind of shit." he said angrily, throwing open the door and stepping out, going to shake Pain and Itachi. Then he saw her. She was lying on the floor in a broken kind of way, the kind of way that makes people fear the worst. Her blue hair was spread out, her legs and arms were splayed, she was lying face-down in a puddle of horrible, red blood...and there was a huge butcher's knife between her shoulder blades...Hidan's eyes widened.

"_!_" Immediately, the doors flew open. There were a few more yells, Deidara fell over in shock, and Hidan was beside himself with horror and fright. Then Itachi snorted.

"You idiots." That shut everybody up. Pain looked at the body.

"She's made of _paper_, you freaks." Hidan jabbed the body with his toe, and gasped in indignation and outrage when it folded over itself slightly. There was an unmistakable rustle of paper.

* * *

"That BITCH! I'm gonna fuckin' KILL her!" Hidan roared, and he was still roaring over two and a half hours later when then left the room, locked it, and were walking to breakfast.

"You've said that at least four hundred times, Hidan." Itachi said irritably.

"Yeah, well, you know what? Fuck you." Hidan retorted. The banged on the door of the other Year 5 boys. A scowling red-head opened it.

"Oh, it's you." he said, running a hand through his dark red hair.

"Hey Sasori. Getting up any time soon?" Pain asked, amused: Sasori was still in his pyjama bottoms.

"Fuck that. What the hell was all that noise last night? First there's a sound like a _banshee, _and then-" Hidan was laughing. "That was the bitch who's staying in our room. We put a rubber spider in her fucking shower, and-"

"She has a _shower_?" Sasori exclaimed.

"I _know_!" the entire troupe of boys exclaimed indignantly: everybody _else _has to use the changeroom showers, and _she _gets her own? "I think Shizune said that it's compensation for having to stay with boys." Itachi said. Sasori smirked: it was famous that he had once made out with Shizune when she was drunk. It was a school legend, in fact.

"Yeah, okay. So first _she _goes and scares the crap out of us, and then Hidan-" he looked at the platinum blonde, who grinned. "-Hidan starts screaming like a little girl. And then you _all _start yelling, and then there was the swearing..." Sasori was laughing. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"The girl made a seriously realistic corpse of herself out of paper." Sasori smirked.

"Oh, really?" he asked, like he didn't believe him. Deidara ran a hand through his long dark blonde hair, and Sasori watched him. Itachi coughed, and Sasori jumped. Yelling to his roommates over his shoulder to get out of bed, he retreated to get dressed. The boys from Konan's room leaned against the wall.

"So...anybody know her name?" Pain asked. They all shook their heads. The pierced-up boy rolled his many-irised eyes. Typical. They get a girl in their room, and nobody knows her name. What a way to start. He smirked to himself, remembering the 'corpse'. She was smart, he would give her that much. And if that corpse was of her, than she had pretty hair. And good taste in weapons. His train of thought was interrupted by the rest of the boys in his year trooping out of their room; Kisame, tall and blue, Kakuzu, stitched-up, and Sasori, with his dark-red hair and typical smirk.

They all walked to the huge doors, discussing the new girl. They'd have to test her out, that was for sure. It would suck if she was just like Ino-bitch. And it would also suck if she was butt-ugly. Pain wondered if she would have a piercing. They all walked into the huge lunch hall, grabbed plates, piled them up with food, and sat down at their usual table.

In the meantime, Konan had taken an apple, toast, and a glass of orange juice, and had sat down at a table, taking out her origami paper and was absentmindedly folding flowers and boats and heads and hands and butterflys and bears and castles while she thought and ate. She was soon joined by a chattering gaggle of girls. The one who sat next to her asked her name and where she was staying. When she said she was staying with the boys, all the girls immediately stopped talking and stared, scooting their chairs closer and all began asking questions all at once. The one sitting next to her had powder blue eyes, pale skin, and pale blonde hair that hid her right eye and was so long it probably went past her butt if it was let out of it's high pony tail.

"You're staying with _boys? _Oooh...which ones?"

"I don't know their names. I haven't met them yet." The girl looked a little disappointed, but only for a second. "I'm Ino. You're new here, aren't you?" she asked. Konan was somehow starting to dislike her. She seemed to project a kind of _you should know me already _aura, and she didn't like it much.

"Yeah. I came yesterday night." She said, biting noisily into her apple, and ending the conversation. Or so she thought. Ino waved over a friend of hers, who promptly sat down in front of Konan, smiling and probably eager for the latest gossip.

"This is Sakura." Ino said. Sakura said hi, and Konan smiled around her apple.

"This is Konan. She's new, in fifth year, and she's staying with the guys. Not sure which ones, but they're definately in fifth too." Ino said quickly, and Sakura's eyes widened. She had bubblegum pink hair and turquoise eyes. Pretty, thought Konan. But still, not the kind of person she liked, going by first impressions. She seemed nicer than Ino, though. "You're staying with boys? Why?" Sakura asked curiously. Konan put down her apple.

"I signed up a little late, and my dad signed a form that basically means throw her where there's room. So I'm in an extra room in the boy's dorm. At least I have a shower." Ino stared.

"You have your own shower?" she asked in and O M G kind of voice. Konan nodded.

"Wow. Luck-eee." she said, making the word into two distinct syllables.

"You're in the year above us, so you haven't seen him yet," Sakura began, gesturing to a boy at a crammed table across the room. Konan looked, trying to see who she was talking about.

"...That's Sasuke Uchiha. _Major _hottie in our year." Ino finished, staring over at him. Konan followed her intense gaze to a boy who was facing away from them (probably on purpose) with black hair and pale skin. His hair seemed to stick up in a shape that (to Konan) looked kind of like the wrong end of a duck. But she supposed that he was probably cool in a quiet, look-at-me-and-die way. Just judging by his looks and how he seemed to be pointedly be ignoring the two girls she was sitting with, no matter how loudly they talked about him.

"So," Ino said, tossing her long hair and thwacking Konan in the back with it (Konan officially didn't like her anymore). "What have you done to your uni so far?" she asked. Konan supposed that she was talking about her clothes.

"Well...not that much." Sakura gestured for her to stand up. Their colorful eyes travelled along her body, up and down. She felt a little silly when they told her to turn around.

"Well?" she asked, a little sheepishly.

"I think it's pretty." said Sakura. "Well, I like the ribbons, and the lace..." Ino said, gesturing to the black ribbons Konan had added to the short sleeves and the waist and the criss-crossing lace at the bottom.

"You're pretty conservative, huh?" Ino asked, and Konan suddenly wondered what _they _were wearing.

"Well...I guess...what did you two do?" Ino stood up, and twirled around, the expression on her face plainly expecting every male around to suddenly get an erection just by glancing over. Konan almost coughed up her apple. All of Shizune's warnings about butt, breast and belly showing uniforms seemed to have stemmed from Ino's dress. Her skirt was _very _short, and she had cut a deep V in the front, straight through both pinafore and collared shirt, so you could get a hint of whatever was under there. She had turned the pinafore into a top and skirt by cutting a chunk out of the middle. The bottom half of the shirt was missing too, and seemed to be replaced by what looked suspiciously like extremely sheer grey fabric that showed stomach.

"Of course, Shizune and Big Boobs wouldn't let me have a _bare _stomach..." Ino was still complaining about her 'problems' by the time Konan asked to see Sakura's. Sakura's wasn't _nearly _as bad as Ino. She almost looked normal. Her skirt was cut shorter, but still at a reasonable length. She had torn the short sleeves off of her collar shirt, so it was just a collar, and she had tied a thick pink ribbon around her waist, to show off her slim torso. There was a pink flower embroidered onto the pocket of her dress.

"I like it. It's very pretty, especially the flower." Konan said, trying to be nice. Sakura smiled.

"Thanks. I like the flowers on your buttons." Konan had forgotten about those. Suddenly Sakura started forwards, staring at Konan.

"What?" Konan asked, confused.

"Do you have...a _piercing!_" Sakura asked, almost in horror. Konan was suddenly feeling defensive. Ino spun around.

"A _piercing? _Why would you get one _there_?" She asked, pointing beneath Konan's lip.

"It's a labret. I like it. I have another on my belly button, and I have a tattoo." Konan said proudly. Who cares if these airheads like her or not? She was pretty sure that she'd find _somebody _who liked piercings around. There had to be _somebody _she could be friends with...Ino and Sakura had faded into a conversation about Sasuke and all they knew or suspected about various people, Konan probably included. Konan finished her juice, put away her tray, and left for origami class at the bell.

* * *

After her first class, Konan liked St Misery much much better. The teacher was really nice (and actually _wore _paper!) and had greatly praised Konan on her 'amazing ability to manipulate paper almost subconsciously'. Her name was Miss Kurenai, and she was officially Konan's favourite teacher. During break, Konan was asked to stay behind, and Kurenai discussed various paper making techniques with her. Konan rushed to drawing, trying not to be late. She bumped into someone in the doorway.

She looked up (he was so tall she only came up to his collarbones) and saw a boy with odd purple eyes with lots of rings...what were those?...medium length spiky orange hair, and a _lot _of piercings. He looked down at her.

"Sorry." she said, averting her eyes, and practically jumped into the classroom. The teacher looked at her silently.

"You're Konan, right?" she nodded. "Well, just go to the empty seat while I take attendance..." She looked around, and saw an empty seat next to...another empty seat. Wow. A table to herself. She sighed and sat down, fingering the run on her tights as the teacher began calling out names.

He had most of his face covered by a black mask, and he had long, sticky-up grey hair, although he seemed pretty young. She immediately liked his relaxed tone and attitude. She heard him call out various names she didn't pay attention to;

"Hinata...here...Temari...here...Neji...here...Sasori..."

"Here, unfortunately."

" Detention, Akasuna."

Konan looked up to see a casually handsome guy with dark red hair scowl as the guy...girl? beside him laughed quietly. The other guy had long dark blonde hair, styled slightly like Ino's but with a half-ponytail, and it looked WAY better on him. Kakashi was still taking attendance.

"Konan...here...Deidara...here...Pain's here..." he said, not even looking up to check. Pain? Weird. Konan was doodling on the first page of her sketchbook when Kakashi announced that as it was the day before a holiday, they might as well take a holiday, and goof off. Konan was surprised, but not upset at all. No, she needed sleep now. She felt her eyes get heavier and heavier as she scribbled the shape of a ball gown onto her paper. In a few moments, she was resting her head on her arms, and was sleeping on her desk, completely unaware that someone else had just sat down next to her.

Pain looked at the girl who was sleeping next to him on her desk. It was the girl he'd bumped into on the way to his locker. He'd forgotten his book, but then, seeing how Kakashi had decided it was a holiday, it looked like he wouldn't need it. He watched the blue-haired girl sleep. She had a very pretty face, he decided. Or, what he could see of it was pretty. She was wearing dark blue eyeshadow, and she had impossibly long, black eyelashes that cast a shadow onto her cheeks. He looked at her mouth, and noted with satisfaction that she had a labret. _That makes it one girl in the school with taste. _He supposed that she was one of the new people at the school. He didn't realise he was still looking at her when she blinked and raised her head with a quiet yawn. She stopped mid-yawn, and stared at him, apparently only just realizing that he was there. Pain had to bit his tongue to not laugh. Her face was _too _funny.

Konan froze. A boy. The boy. The boy with the cool eyes and piercings and bright orange hair. He was sitting next to her. And she was frozen in _mid-yawn! _She shut her mouth with a snap, and looked away, cheeks burning. This is why she hates boys: she gets stuck looking stupid, and bad things always happen to her when she talks to them. She could still feel his odd eyes on her.

"Are you new here?" he asked finally. Konan looked up, surprised. He had a nice voice. The kind of voice that was easygoing, and nice to listen to.

"Yeah..." she said, not sure what he wanted to know.

"You're in fifth year, aren't you?" he asked. Konan nodded. "I'm Pain." he said. She wondered if she should introduce herself. Probably, but...He interrupted her thoughts. "You know, when somebody says their name, it's generally normal to say your own, too." Konan instantly felt stupid, and she knew that Pain was grinning at her, clearly amused by her stupidity.

"I know that." she said, and continued to stare down at her nails, which she'd painted black with white flowers and red bloodstains...very difficult. She'd used up nearly ten toothpicks getting the blood right. Pain followed her gaze.

"How did you do that?" he asked curiously. Konan looked up, completely surprised that this pierced-up boy was asking about _nailpolish_.

"Oh, with a lot of toothpicks, and more swearing." she said, embarassed. She almost fell off of her chair with shock when he laughed. She had made a boy laugh. Konan supposed that miracles really _must_ happen. She stared at him as he laughed, and she suddenly realized that he was cute. No...hot. konan almost blushed, thinking that he could read minds, because he laughed harder. People were starting to look at them now, he was laughing so loudly. Konan looked straight down at her lace-up black boots, sincerely wishing that she could sink into the floor. Finally, Pain calmed down. Konan looked up at him, half-accusingly.

"Why were you laughing so much? It wasn't funny at all!" she said, weirded out. Pain was still grinning.

"Your _face. _You looked so funny." Perfect, Konan thought. My _face _was _hilarious. _So much so that he _couldn't breathe for laughing. _She was glaring at her feet again. Pain looked confused. "Hey, you were making a funny face! Your _normal _face isn't funny, it's..." Konan looked up at him. He looked slightly at a loss for words. Konan was still confused: what? _What what what? What the heck goes on in boys' minds? Is he crazy? Am _I _crazy? _She smiled slightly, knowing the answer to that question.

Pain was saved from accidentally saying that he thought she was pretty by, surprisingly, Sasori, who slapped him on the back, and sat on his desk.

"Hey, Pain. Who's this new hottie?" Pain glanced at the blue-haired girl next to him before answering. He almost laughed again: she looked flabbergasted at being called a hottie, and even _more _shocked that they were both looking at her, so she fixed her eyes determinedly on her boots.

"I don't know her name. She's new, and in our year." Pain said simply. Sasori looked at the bluenette (lol).

"What's your name, gorgeous?" he asked, his seductively soft voice willing her to answer. Konan looked up, and Pain suddenly realized that her eyes were a beautiful amber. Pure amber. A brilliant, sexy, adorable shade of orage-brown. Amber. He caught himself before she realized he was staring at her.

"You may call me Miss Amega, Mr Akasuna." she said sweetly. Pain burst out laughing as Sasori looked stunned. Konan was almost as stunned as he was. Why the hell did she say that? Another boy came over. It was the one with long dark blonde hair. He had pretty, blue slanted eyes and lightly tanned skin.

"What's so funny?" He asked, grabbing an empty chair and swinging it around to sit on.

"This is Deidara." Pain said to Konan. She nodded with a shy smile.

"What's your name?" Deidara asked. Sasori spoke for her, grinning.

"Miss Amega. She's new here." Deidara looked puzzled.

"Okay...so what classes are you in?" he asked, plainly understanding that there was an inside joke. Konan grabbed her schedule and showed them.

"Cool, you're in sculpture, painting, and drawing with me, un." Deidara said, and Konan smiled: she liked this one already. Sasori examined her schedule.

"Let's see...you've got gym with me, Pain, and Hidan every day...then drawing, obviously...metalshop...and that's it." he said, handing her schedule to Pain. Konan supposed that these were her new friends, since they were the only ones she was actually beginning to like. Pain scanned her list.

"Okay, drawing, gym, metalshop and sculpture." he said. Konan smiled.

"That's nice. You guys are all in fifth, right?" she asked, and they all nodded. Sasori was frowning a little.

"How old are you, Miss Amega? You don't _look _sixteen." Konan looked at him.

"I'm not sixteen. I'm fifteen." They all looked at her oddly. She explained.

"I'm born in October." There was a big _Ohhhhh_ like it was some kind of amazing revelation.

"So you're a Libra." Sasori said. Konan nodded. "So...are you...Diplomatic and urbane, romantic and charming, easygoing and sociable and idealistic and peaceable?" he asked.

"What do _you _think?" she asked, and he grinned. Deidara shrugged.

"Well," he said "there's bad stuff, too, un. Like, are you really indeicsive? Super gullible or, flirtacious?" he asked, and Konan laughed for the first time since she'd arrived at the school. They looked at her, grinning: she had a funny laugh. ( It sounded just like the one at the beginning of 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls. Not that they listened to that of course.)

"Do you really think I'm flirtacious?" she asked, and they shook their heads.

"No way. You're not Ino-bitch." Sasori said, and she smirked, remembering Ino's outfit.

"Well," she began, startling them all: this was the first time she'd started a conversation. "I _was _born about four weeks early. So I technically _should _be a Scorpio. So that's...determined, forceful, emotional, powerful and exciting. Also resentful, jealous, compulsive, obsessive, and secretive." she remembered. That didn't really fit her much better than a libra.

"Well, do you think it's better being a crazy ex or a flirty whore?" Sasori asked. Konan weighed the pros and cons.

"Well, I'd much rather be the one beating the asshole who dumped me with a crowbar than the one who gets laid in the guy's bathroom." she said, and the guys all laughed.

"Remind me never to let you loose with a crowbar." Pain murmured, and she grinned. Finally, the bell rang. Pain asked if she wanted to eat lunch with them and their friends, and she accepted, happy that she could eat with people who _weren't _known as Ino-bitch and Suck-her-ass. She followed them into the lunchroom, listening and laughing as they warned her about teachers and asked if she thought some guys were hot-or-not.

"Not." she said immediately when they pointed at a shortish guy with spiky, almost yellow hair. They laughed, while Pain said quietly to her that that guy was Naruto Uzumaki, and he liked Sakura. Konan looked at Naruto, and when he turned around, she saw that he had rather nice blue eyes. She decided that he _could _be hot later, when he grew a bit and stuff.

They all grabbed some lunch (Konan took another apple, juice, and a vegetarian subway) and they all sat down at a long table, which was already occupied by who Konan could only suppose, were their other friends. There was just enough room. Konan sat between Pain and Deidara, and across from a guy with long black hair that was tied in a pony tail, lovely (yet creepy) red eyes, and bags under his eyes.

"Yo Pain! Who's the lady?" a voice called across the table. Konan looked at her feet, and then mentally smacked herself. If she was going to make friends, she was going to have to stop acting like a baby! She looked up at who had spoken; it was a really tall blue guy with blue hair and shark teeth. Interesting.

"That's Kisame." Pain said quietly.

"This is Miss Amega, Kisame. Don't give her a crowbar." Pain said, and Sasori, Deidara and Konan laughed. So far, Konan had decided that she liked Pain best.

"Hey, we should all introduce ourselves to little Miss over here." Deidara said, and everybody laughed.

"Pain."

"Sasori"

"Hidan" ( a tall, muscular platinum blonde with reddish-purple eyes)

"Kisame"

"Kakuzu" (a weird-looking guy with stitches all over him that looked like they were what held his form together, and odd green eyes.)

"Itachi" (the guy with black hair and red eyes)

"Deidara"

"Miss Amega." Konan said, and Pain grinned. She looked up at him (she _really _had to look up; most of her height was in her legs, not her torso) and saw him look at her.

"You have a lot of piercings." she told him, and he, and those that had heard, laughed.

"Yes. Yes I do." he said.

"Is that your only piercing?" Sasori asked. Konan shook her head.

"I have a bellybutton piercing, and..well it doesn't count, but I've got a tattoo." There was a collective Ooooohhhhh. Konan smiled.

"Where?" asked Deidara. "Well, it's pretty big. It goes over my shoulders, and down to like halfway down my back..ish." she was trying to explain the large, intricate butterfly wings that she'd gotten the year previously.

"Sex-ee." Konan didn't need to look. She sipped her juice.

"I'm glad you think so, Mr Akasuna. I'm also glad that you'll never see it." she said, and the boys laughed.

"Never ever?" Sasori teased. Konan gave him a look that said _What do you think? _The bell rang, and they put away their garbage and trays, and headed to gym. Pain, Sasori, Deidara and Hidan all had the same class and the same teacher. They separated to change, and as Konan stripped and put on the grey t-shirt and black shorts, Ino and Sakura came up to her, both smiling.

"Hey Konan!"

"Hey!" she said. Ino raised her eyebrows.

"So...you're sure becoming a favourite with the boys in your year...some of them are pretty hot, too." she said. Konan frowned.

"Oh. I didn't really notice..." Sakura laughed.

"You're funny!"

Ino waved her hand to shush her friend.

"But, really, people are starting to think that you're flirting with them, and that your a gang banger because you're sleeping with the boys." Ino said in a stage whisper. Konan's eyes widened in irritation.

"How could they know that I'm sleeping in the same room as the boys? I only told _you two._" Konan said accusingly. Ino rolled her eyes.

"_Please. _You're not that stupid, Konan. Word travels fast around here. We were probably overheard." Konan was seething.

"You-"

"Girls, hurry up! All the boys are ready! Chop chop!"

Konan didn't get a chance to finish her angry reply as she and all the other girls left the changeroom. They went and sat down next to the boys. It was a mixed class of fifth year and fourth year, so Sasuke and Naruto and the other fifth year boys were all there. Konan went and sat next to Pain and the others. She realized that her face must show how angry she was, because Pain raised his eyebrows at her, and Deidara looked over, concerned.

They didn't get a chance to ask her what was up, because the teacher shouted; "Six laps! Go, go, go GOOOOO!" They all jumped to their feet and started running. Pain was fasted, followed by some of the other guys, then Konan and Sasori, Hidan a little ahead. Ino-bitch and Sakura were at the back, probably going slow enough to talk, and to see Sasuke every time he lapped them.

"What happened?" Sasori asked on their third lap.

"Ino and Sakura said everybody thinks that I'm gonna sleep with all the boys in the dorm. But it's not that pissed me off. Ino actually was pretending that it _wasn't _her who told everybody I'm sleeping in the guy's dorm." Sasori almost tripped.

"_What? _Don't tell me..._you're _the one sleeping in our dorm?" Konan frowned.

"What? Are you one of the assholes I'm rooming with?" she asked, and Sasori suddenly rememebered the paper-corpse...Hidan said that she had blue hair! Konan was trying to glare at him while she was laughing. Sasori laughed, too. "No, but I'm in the connecting room with you guys."

"Seriously? Are you the one that put the rubber spider in my shower?" she asked, and Sasori laughed.

"Well, it was actually Hidan and the others, in Deidara's room. I'm in the other room, with Kakuzu, and Kisame. The doors connect, though."

"No way. Who else is my room?" Sasori was grinning; at least she wasn't butt-ugly or a total bitch. He might actually have fun having a connecting door to her room.

"Hidan, Itachi, and Pain!"

"No way! Did you see the body I made?" she asked, wondering if they'd fallen for it. Deidara laughed.

"Yeah! Hidan almost pissed himself. That was funny! Sorry about the spider, it was for fun." Konan grinned.

"Well, you got lucky. I'm arachnophobic. I'm just glad I didn't pass out or throw up or something." Sasori looked shocked.

"That sucks. But they didn't know you were arachnophobic. They just thought you'd be scared, 'cause you're a girl." Konan raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"What about Hidan? At least _I _didn't almost piss myself." Sasori laughed, and then they sat down again, having finished their laps. Sasori grabbed Pain's arm, and beckoned to Hidan.

"Guess what? Miss Amega's the one staying in your room." Konan watched Pain and Hidan's faces. They looked shocked. Then, Pain looked amused, and Hidan looked thunderstruck.

"You mean _you're _the bitch who made a fucking corpse outside my room?" Konan smirked.

"And _you're _the bitch who put the spider in my shower?" she asked, feigning surprise and horror. Hidan laughed.

"Jashin, that was fucking hilarious. You screamed like a fucking _banshee_." Pain laughed.

"She's arachnophobic." Sasori said. Hidan immediately fell silent.

"You serious? Damn, it sucks to be you! The school's _full _of those bastards." Konan blanched, and Pain grinned at her.

"Don't worry. We've only ever seen one that could poison you." Konan felt ill. Quite ill.

Suddenly the teacher, a muscular man with a black goatee and hair and a cigarette case in his pocket said; "Into groups of four! It's volleyball this month!"

Konan was paired up with Pain, because Hidan hates losing, and Sasori's the best at volleyball. After sheepishly admitting that she'd never played before, Hidan had rushed to the other side of the court and had gotten Sasori in a choke hold, making him be his teammate. Pain walked over to her and said that if the ball comes, to just put her fists together and hit it off her wrists, or to smack it...or something. Konan wasn't too nervous, because the class tournament wouldn't be for four weeks. She stood in the front of the court, hoping that the ball would always fly over her head to Pain. Hidan started, and bumped the ball it damn it, it was coming right for her.

She closed her eyes, put her wrists together, brought them up, wincing as the ball hit them with a loud and painful smack. She still had her eyes tight shut when somebody shouted for her to look out. She looked up. Evidentally she had hit the ball straight up into the air really hard. It had hit the ceiling and was falling down towards her. Really really fast. It was only two feet above her head. And then it hit her. She fell over backwards as the ball rebounded off of her head and hit Hidan in the face. She lay on the ground as she heard Sasori and Pain laughing themselves silly. She sat up, rubbing her head, and looked around. Almost everybody was staring at her. Ino was laughing. Pain, still laughing, helped her up.

She had just started laughing as well, when Ino said in a very carrying whisper:"See, I told you! I bet Pain's getting laid tonight. He's probably on a waiting list, though." Konan snapped her head around, glaring at Ino with all the ferocity she could muster. Pain looked murderous. For the first time since she'd met him, Konan was kind of scared of him.

Hidan just smirked, and said loudly to Sasori;"Hey, Sasori, remember that time Ino couldn't fucking walk for a week after riding all the guys she could find who were drunk on Halloween?" Sasori grinned.

"Oh yeah, I remember. Didn't Shikamaru say that she almost raped him, she was so horny?" He replied, just as loudly.

Konan smiled; she was glad that she had friends now. Not only were they nice, and funny, and just her type, they were also the coolest guys. Not Ino cool, not superficial be-hot-or-you're-out cool, it was the kind of cool that made the other guys kind of respect them, because if they didn't they'd probably get their asses kicked and laughed at. Konan sneaked a glance at Ino and Sakura. Ino looked livid, Sakura edging away from her slightly. Sasuke was smirking, and muttering something to his friend. Probably about how she had tried to rape _him _too.

The rest of the volleyball game continued a little more normally. Konan jumped and tried to spike a ball, and missed Hidan's balls by three inches. He swore at her loudly, laughing as well because it was so funny. Sasori and Hidan beat them, but not my that much, mostly due to Pain's good reflexes. He high-fived her when she scored a point, and Konan grinned at him. She decided that she was actually going to have a great time at St Misery. No matter how unfortunate the name of the school was.


	2. September, October

** Welcome to Misery: Roomies**

After gym, they changed and trooped back to their dorm. Ino and Sakura were gossiping loudly about Konan and her friends as the girls went to their dorm, and Konan and the boys went to theirs. As Konan and her friends walked to the fifth year doors, Konan heard the other boys shouting stupid things like; "Have fun with your new roommate!" "Don't worry about wearing her out, it's a holiday tomorrow!" "Too bad she's not Ino-bitch, or we'd _all _have fun!"

Somehow Konan decided that these idiots were implying that she was going to be doing more than sleeping tonight. Assholes. Pain put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a tiny squeeze before dropping his arm. _He's nice, _Konan thought, glancing up at the pierced guy next to her. _He really is. And he's hot. _Konan sternly told her inner self to shut up. She wasn't allowed to think her new friends were hot. Especially not Pain.

They arrived at their door, and Sasori, Kisame and Kakuzu went to theirs, saying that they'd meet up later. Konan followed Deidara in, and saw that her lovely corpse was gone. Probably a maid, she decided. She went to her room, dumped her bag down, took off her boots, and sat cross-legged on her bed, door open and a book on her lap. She looked up, and saw that all the guys in her dormitory were suddenly in her room. She watched as they inspected the bathroom, walked around, sat on her bed, and generally looked around. After a few minutes, she asked what they were doing.

"Oh, not much. What's your _real _name?" Sasori asked, sitting down on her chair, and yawining hugely. Konan waited a moment.

"Konan." Sasori looked up.

"Konan? Doesn't that mean Little South?" Konan nodded.

"Yeah. So..."

"Konan," Itachi said. It was the first time he'd spoken to her.

"Yes?" she said, wondering what he would say.

"Hidan wants to have an initiation process to make sure that you're not totally lame, a wimp, or a bitch." He said, Hidan nodding vigurously beside him.

"Hell yeah!" he said. Konan was imagining horrible things, like sneaking out at night and measuring Tsunade's boobs, or having to strip down in front of all the boys in the giant hall...

"Nothing big. Just truth or dare, or something lame like that." Pain said reassuringly. Konan smiled weakly.

"Okay..." she said, and before she knew it, they were all sitting in a circle on her floor. Hidan had shouted to the other guys in the room next to theirs, and they'd all walked in through various doors; one in her own, connected to Sasori's, Kisame walked through Itachi's room, and Kakuzu walked through Hidan's. They all sat down, looking very very serious. Konan wanted to laugh. She hadn't played truth or dare since she was twelve, when she had been dared to kiss this awful guy, Orochimaru, and she had refused and begun to cry. She wasn't a huge fan of the game, but she'd survive.

"Okay," Sasori began, "Wer'e basically just gonna play truth or dare until dinner. Any objections?" Everybody shook their head. Konan relazxed, realising that everybody was going to play, not just ganging up on her or something.

"We go in a circle. If you can't think of a truth or a dare, no matter how crazy, than you're out and you have to give everybody a massage and wash their hair for them in Konan's shower." Konan was suddenly determined not to get out.

"There are rules, right? Like, you can't dare people to have sex or something, right?" Konan asked. Itachi grinned.

"Of course there are rules. Nothing sexual, no leaving the boy's dorm, and no doing anything completely unhealthy, like drugs or stuff. If you are really uncomfortable with doing something, then you can pull out, and give everybody a piggyback ride around the entire school tomorrow." Konan prayed that she wouldn't have to back out of anything; these guys were probably really heavy, going by muscle content and stuff.

"Okay. Truth or Dare starts...now." Sasori announced.

"And we'll go in order of oldest to youngest. We'd better sit in that order, too, un." Deidara said. So they all moved. Pain would go first, then Kakuzu, Kisame, Sasori, Hidan, Deidara, then Konan.

"Okay." Pain said. "Sasori. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Pain smirked.

"Grab Hidan's ass." Konan let out a snort; this was going to be a very fun three hours. Sasori stood up, and so did Hidan, reluctantly. Sasori grabbed his ass, and Hidan swore at him angrily for a while.

Kakuzu dared Deidara to strip down to his underwear and do the macarena. Everybody laughed when Konan covered her eyes. Kisame asked Pain what the craziest thing he'd ever done naked was, and he answered riding his motorcycle into a river. Konan forced herself not to imagine that, but it didn't work. She snorted with laughter when everybody else had finished, and they all laughed again.

Sasori dared Konan to switch underwear with Itachi. She had insisted on getting the bathroom first, and had taken off her own black panties (lucky for Itachi it wasn't a thong) and threw them out to him. Then he tossed her his black and red striped boxers, and she spent the rest of the game feeling very uncomfortable. But not nearly as uncomfortable as Itachi, who kept having to readjust her underwear. She swore to herself to wash that pair three times before ever wearing them again.

Then Hidan dared Kisame to sing 'I'm too sexy' with actions. Then Deidara asked Kakuzu what his favourite thing to lick was, and he replied (after much persuasion, and after being threatened with piggybacking everybody) that it was the inside of Hidan's mouth. Konan had stared at both of them for a long time, speechless. Then it was Konan's turn. She dared Sasori to give the people on his right and left a wedgie. Pain laughed loudest when Kisame and Hidan were given 'the great pain', and congratulated Konan on her amazing imagination. She felt very pleased with herself.

Then Pain asked Konan what her most embarassing public nudity story, and she told the famous tale of how, when she was nine, she'd dreamed that the world was flooding, and the only way to survive it was to swim to Hawaii and live in a volcano there. So, when her dad was at work, she snuck out of the house, and because she didn't have a swimsuit, she ran down the street naked until a family friend took her home and told her father. The boys were howling with laughter. Konan laughed a little herself.

Next Kakuzu dared Deidara to give Sasori a hickey. Deidara blushed, and as he proceeded to kiss and suck at the skin on Sasori's neck, Konan wondered again about just how close the pair's relationship was. Then Kisame asked Konan if she had any other piercings, and she said that she had one on her bellybutton, and one through the back of her neck.

Sasori dared Konan to spend the next five turns in Pain's lap. She did so, blushing furiously. She hadn't noticed before, but Pain smelled good. This realisation made her ever more embarassed, especially when she forgot to get off for three turns. A while later, Sasori dared Pain to remove Konan's grey cardigan with his teeth. Pain, of course, wasn't embarassed at _all. _He moved towards her, told her not to move, and then he bent over, his mouth at the neck of her cardigan. Konan held her breath, looking at the windo, trying not to be nervous, or stupid, or silly, or anything... when he pulled it off her, and removed the cardigan from his mouth and handed it to her, she saw that same...something else in his eyes. It kind of scared her.

Finally, they all trooped to dinner, still laughing as they remembered the highlights of the evening. Konan was fairly quiet until Pain slid a long arm around her shoulders and asked her quietly if she was okay. She nodded, and then they were quiet. Konan was waiting for Pain to say something as she looked in his fascinating eyes. Pain just seemed to be thinking, looking at her. Konan finally realized that he was staring at her, and even worse, she was staring at him. She looked away, blushing slightly. They talked and laughed during dinner, and then they went back to their dorm. Konan made them swear not to plant any more spiders, and then she closed her door, changed, and lay on her bed, sketching in her art book, wondering what they were going to do tomorrow; after all, it was a holiday.

The next morning, she was woken up by a pillow to her face. She yelled and looked up. Sasori was straddling her, smirking.

"'Morning, Sunshine!" he said, and she rolled her eyes, trying to roll over and cover her face with her pillow. "Can I use your shower?" he asked, examining his nails.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." she mumbled, and immediately he was gone. Soon after, there was the sound of water, and the shower was on. Konan tried to sleep through it, but it didn't work. She sat up, knowing her hair looked like teddybears had played hide and go seek in it, and looked around. Her room was the same as always, except the bathroom door was closed, and yesterday's underwear were hanging off a chair. She suddenly remembered; those were the ones Hidan had been wearing. Sasori opened the bathroom door, wearing a towel around his hips, his dark red hair all wet.

"I'm just so sexy, right?" he teased her before running out of the room as a pillow came flying at his head. Konan decided that she might as well use the shower, too. She carefully locked her door, then went in. She closed the bathroom door, but knew that it would open again. At least she locked her door this time. She turned on the water, threw off her pyjamas, and jumped in, gratefully warming herself as the hot water came down like rain. She was almost done when she heard a click. She frowned, confused, but continued to wash. Suddenly she remembered with a moment of heart-stopping horror that her room had an adjoining door to Deidara's. She froze. But it was much too late.

The bathroom door had long ago swung open, and Deidara walked into her room; "Konan? Can I use the-OHMYGOD!"

Konan whirled around, and saw Deidara staring at her. She shrieked, and he ran with a load of shouted apologies and OMIGODS. Konan was yelling now, a lower sound, but still loud as she jumped out of the shower, into a towel, turning off the water, pulling on her t-shirt and underwear, and sprinting out of the bathroom. She didn't stop screaming even as she hid under her covers, her head under the blankets at the foot of the bed, her embarassment nothing compared to her anger and shock. She hated surprises. And that was the second time in less than twenty-four hours she'd been spotted basically naked. She didn't realize she was still yelling until a loud voice she recognized as Hidan's told her to shut the fuck up. She stopped yelling immediately. There was a knock on her door. She (just in case) put on a sweater and grey leggings, then opened it. Pain was standing there, grinning slightly.

"Hey Konan. What's up?" he asked in a way that made her want to laugh. (What's up? Oh nothing, I've just been spotted in the shower completely and utterly naked by a guy I'm basically living with for the next two years, and I was just screaming my head off. What's up with you?)

"Oh, nothing much." she said, and he laughed. "Do you...want to come in?" she asked awkwardly, and he said sure. She sat down on her bed, and he sat down on the floor. He raised his eyebrows at her underwear (hanging on a nearby chair) and said 'nice.' She reddened.

"They're the ones Itachi wore." she explained, and he smirked.

"Of course." he said, and she smirked as well.

"I'm sorry if I...woke you up..." she began awkwardly. Pain shook his head.

"No. I was already awake from Sasori's shower. The waterpipes go next to my bed." he said, and she felt sorry for him; water made a lot of noise when you were trying to sleep.

"So, when's your birthday?" he asked, and Konan looked at him oddly. He explained."Well, you said it's in October, and that's not very far away. We want to celebrate it, but we can't if we don't know when it is." Konan was shocked that they would actually celebrate her birthday when they'd only started to like her yesterday morning. But she was happy that they would; she hadn't had a real birthday celebration since her mother died, when she was ten.

"Oh! It's um...the thirteenth." she said, taking a piece of paper from her desk and folding it quickly into a flower, which she then placed in her hair.

"That's pretty. You like origami, don't you?" Pain asked, and Konan nodded. They were interrupted by Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi, who walked through the open door. Sasori was smirking, his hair still wet, Deidara was looking _very very _embarassed. Even more embarassed than Konan felt. Itachi looked plain amused.

"You sure have a set of lungs, Konan." he said, explaining that his brother had come over to complain that _everybody _had heard her screaming, and to make her shut up. Konan blushed.

"Sorry." she said, and Pain laughed quietly to himself. Deidara tried to apologize.

"I'm really sorry, Konan, I didn't see anything, I swear, un..." Konan knew he was lying; there was no shower curtain. But she grinned at him.

"It's okay, Deidara! You just scared me, that's all. I forgot your door came through here." she explained, and he looked a little less embarassed, and grinned at her.

"By the way..." Sasori said, sitting down on the chair, raising his eyebrows at the underwear, then continued. "What are you guys doing for Halloween?" Konan was confused.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and Itachi explained.

"Halloween...actually, all the normal holidays are really important in this school. But Halloween's almost the _most _important. Every student creates a project that contributes to the decorations, activities, or entertainment for the event. And everybody has to dress up, no exceptions. You can't dress up as a student, either." he said, scowling. Konan had a funny idea that he'd _tried _that excuse. She grinned.

"That sounds fun! What are you guys being?"

"Sweeny Todd"

"Zombie Prom king"

"Edward Scissorhands"

"Vampire boyfriend for rent." Konan had to say, she was impressed, so she said it. They grinned at her.

"Hidan's being a dead Mad Hatter, Kakuzu's being...well, a creepy version of himself." Deidara tried to explain. "He like...hangs himself with some of his stitches..." he said, waving his hands around his neck try and demonstrate. Konan nodded.

"What about Kisame ?" she asked. Itachi smiled.

"Oh, he's being a zombie."

"That's exciting." Pain grinned at her.

"What are you gonna be?" he asked. Konan thought.

"An...asylum inmate. With a straight jacket!" she said, and Pain grinned.

"Cool!" he said, and Sasori said she'd be sexy insane.

"Why thank you. I'm sure you'll be a simply _dashing _dead Prom king." she said, and Pain and Deidara laughed.

"Well, I'm glad to see you guys have good taste." Konan said.

"What do you mean?" Deidara asked. Konan looked up.

"I thought I would be the only one in the school who likes Tim Burton's movies. Edward Scissorhands...Sweeny Todd..." she said, looking at Deidara and Pain. Pain grinned at her.

"You like those too?" Konan grinned and rummaged in her bag for a second before retrieving a black badge shaped like a splatter.

_'Official Tim Burton's Favourite Girl Award' _was engraved on the front in silver. Pain and Deidara and Sasori gaped at it.

"Are you serious? You've met him?" Konan nodded proudly.

"He came to my old school to see me, after I wrote him a letter and made a video showing small details of his movies that one could correspond with his personal life and possible ideas for later movies. I was the one who suggested he do Alice." Konan said, and the boys stared at her. Then she laughed. "No, stupids. My friend and I made those to fundraise for a class outing to watch the premier of Edward Scissorhands." she explained, and Deidara and Pain laughed. Sasori shook his head.

"I can't believe I thought you met him." he said, and she laughed along. They suddenly realized that breakfast had started half an hour ago, and they ran straight there, getting there just in time to get some toast, apples, juice, and a cookie each.

* * *

Konan's birthday came quicker than she'd expected, and she lay awake the night before, just thinking that in less than seven hours, she would officially be sixteen. She sighed and fell asleep...

Konan opened her eyes. It was still dark. She sighed and closed her eyes again. She'd thought she'd heard something, but she must have just imagined it. Within a few more minutes, she was fast asleep again. Then, out of nowhere, seven large, heavy, noisy, boy-like forms leaped up onto her, dogpiling on her bed and almost killing her from fright and their weight pressing the air out of her lungs. Her eyes flew open, and she was about to shriek, when a hand slapped over her mouth.

"None of that today, sugar." Sasori said teasingly. She was still squished and surprised, but she pushed his hand away and laughed.

"What the hell are you...argh, that hurt...doing?" she asked, being interrupted by an elbow jamming into her hips as she sat up. Sasori, Deidara, Hidan and Pain sat up and got off her torso, leaving Kisame, Kakuzu and Itachi sitting on her legs.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They shouted, and Konan laughed as they proceeded to sing a very off-key version of Happy Birthday. Deidara finished a little late; "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOU!...birthday to you..oh...ahem...un." Konan laughed and clapped enthousiastically.

"Brilliant!" she praised. "You should start a boy band, and pay twenty bucks for a Happy Birthday greeting and song." she said, and Itachi and Pain laughed, while Kakuzu was obviously thinking about the pros and cons of this situation, deducing that twenty dollars per gig wasn't quite expensive enough to have a proper yearly income that would allow for Hidan's hair products.

Still all sitting on Konan/her bed, her friends all picked up presents off the floor, and an empty pop bottle.

"Okay, who drank all the 7up?" she asked teasingly, and laughed when Pain raised his hand sheepishly; he _adored _the stuff. No 7up was safe while he was on the prowl. She moved her legs, flattened the blankets, and span the bottle.

"Oh, yeah, thanks for getting me presents! You didn't have to..." Konan said, embarassed by the attention. Sasori rolled his eyes, and caught Deidara's expression; they _knew _she would say this.

"Take it from us," Kisame said. "we had to." Konan grinned, and looked down at the bottle. It stopped at Deidara. He grinned, and held out a medium-sized blue-wrapped package that read DO NOT DROP OR KICK OR THROW AT WALL!

"I'll keep that in mind." she murmured, and Deidara laughed. She unwrapped it, and found that he had made her a little statue of herself, and it looked like it would sit perfectly on a shelf. She was amazed; it was beautiful, and really detailed, from the lace on her uniform to the folds of her paper flower. She sat it on her desk, and it looked up at her thoughtfully.

"Thanks so much! It's beautiful, Deidara!" she exclaimed, hugging him shyly. He grinned.

"I'm happy you like it, un. Just don't...drop it, or anything, because it'll explode. It's a good thing to throw at a stalker, though, un." he said, and she laughed.

"Perfect! Just what I need! I've been getting tired of getting followed to all my classes!" she said, and they all laughed.

Kakuzu gave her seven make-your-own voodoo dolls that could make the person float in midair just by using some of their hair (Konan practised on Sasori). Hidan gave her a book (surprisingly) that was called Thirty-two Ways to Flirt. Konan raised her eyebrows at him, and he laughed.

"You better fuckin' appreciate it, bitch!" he said, and she said that she would protect it with her life calling him an asshat. Kisame gave her a really cool black lace-trimmed umbrella. This was especially good news, because she didn't own one. Itachi gave her a straight jacket, for the cause of her halloween costume, and Sasori gave her a half-filled little black book with his name and number on the first page. Konan, after thanking him, raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked.

"It's so you can call me during the summer!" he said innocently, glancing at Deidara. "Anyways, it's got the name, number and rating from 1-5 of every guy from fourth year up." he said, and when Konan asked how he got all of them, Sasori changed the subject, catching Deidara's irritated eye. "So, what did you get her, Pain?" he asked.

Konan looked to Pain, and she was caught again by the..._something _in his eyes. He picked up the kind of big package in front of him, and handed it to her with a simple 'Happy Birthday.' She took it from him, taking a moment to admire the wrapping paper: black with grey and white flower outlines. She smiled and undid the paper carefully, determined to save it. She took it off slowly, and gasped in surprise as she withdrew from the wrapping paper, a handbound photo on the front in silver were the words _Miss Konan Amega 5th Year, St Misery. _

Konan looked up at Pain, who was plainly worried she wouldn't like it. She looked back down at it, and opened it. Some of the pages were already filled, and the pictures made her laugh. Some of them were photos, some paintings, or sketches, or pastel drawings of her and her friends. She smiled at the painting of the corpse she'd made, and grinned at the comic of her her hitting the volleyball to the ceiling in her first gym class, and a following one of her her lying on the floor with funny swirly eyes.

She turned the page, speechless with happiness, and saw a drawing that looked like it must have taken _forever _of her sitting on the stone steps of the school, folding a paper flower. Then there was a photo of her, Sasori, Deidara, Pain and Hidan which was taken three weeks ago on a Saturday. She laughed aloud, as she looked at it; there was her, looking shocked, Sasori giving her a piggyback, with Deidara laughing, and Hidan striking a 'sexy' pose.

The next photo was of her, Itachi and Pain during lunch. Konan was biting an apple, with it completely obscuring her mouth so she looked silly, Itachi not paying attention and spilling his juice onto Kakuzu's foot, which was just visible. It was an excellent shot, actually, because it captured the juice as it fell through the air. Pain was resting his chin on one of his hands, looking at Konan and evidentally in mid-sentance. Konan looked at the next picture, and laughed again; somebody had drawn cartoons of her and her roommates: Konan was in the middle, folding paper and blushing, Pain was next to her, looking at the origami. Hidan was lying on top of Kakuzu, who was counting money. Hidan had funny swear symbols over his head (#%$ &*#!), and then to the left was Sasori, who was winking with a kitty smile (;3), and Deidara was leaning on him, with a little pink heart over his head. Itachi and Kisame were standing, so they were above everybody. Kisame had bubbles around him, and Itachi was making the Star Wars darth vader hand sign.

Konan laughed again, and turned the page. There was a photo of her. This one was surprising; she hadn't seen a camera around at that moment. It was her in her towel, collapsed on top of Pain, with Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kisame, and Kakuzu around them. Sasori was raising his eyebrows and smirking in the picture while everybody else laughed. Konan realized Itachi had taken the picture. She grinned, and looked at the next picture. It was an instant polaroid picture. It looked like Pain had taken it so he was in the picture, too. It showed Konan's wide eyes and blue hair, and that was it of her. Everybody else's faces, arms and legs took up the whole picture. She laughed; he must have taken it ten minutes ago. She looked up, very aware that she was blushing. Pain smiled slightly.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"I love it. Thank you so much." she said quietly, and Pain smiled wider.

"_AWwwwww..." _Sasori said, and they all laughed. Konan carefully put away all of their presents (extremely careful not to break Deidara's) and then they told her to wait there for a bit. She obeyed, and sat on her bed, wrapped up in her blankets and her thoughts. Secretly, she wanted to jump up and down from happiness. She grinned to herself, and got the photo album out again. She wondered who had done the drawings; they were really good.

She opened Hidan's book (Thirty-two Ways to Flirt) and flipped to chapter one. She suddenly realized that he must have written it himself (the writing was in his barely-legibal scrawl) and she smiled again, amazed at the effort that her friends had gone to to make her birthday the best one in years. And it definately _was _the best in years. Probably the best ever.

Konan skimmed the pages, and then something caught her eye. At the bottom of the page, in small, sketchy writing that Konan recognized as Sasori's, it said _flirt with Pain. _She frowned, and turned the page. There it was again! Sasori had written it on every one of the sixty-four pages of the book! Konan dind't know if she should be annoyed, or if she should grabbed the Little Black Book that Sasori had given her. On the first page was Sasori, then...Pain. Then Deidara and the others, but Konan had a feeling that Pain was second only to Sasori for a reason. Konan was torn from her accusatory thoughts about Sasori by another loud round of Happy Birthday.

She looked up and laughed; they'd made her a cake. They kept singing, and put it down on her table. She jumped off of her bed, laughing, so happy she felt she could burst. She grinned as (once again) Deidara finished last. There were sixteen candles, and it looked like somebody had made a swirly figure of her name in metalshop, and it was sitting on the icing, reflecting the candlelight. She applauded the cake and their singing, and Deidara laughed, saying she was being sarcastic about the singing. She denied this innocently, and they all laughed.

"Make a wish!" Sasori said, and she looked at him, remembering what he'd written in her book. He winked, and made a heart with his hands and pointed at Pain behind his back. Konan rolled her eyes at him, thinking he was being silly. She closed her eyes, thought about it for a little bit, then blew, wishing to have the best year of her life, and opened her eyes. Sasori was laughing so hard it looked like he could throw up. Everybody else was laughing normally. Konan looked at the a single candle had gone out.

She scowled, and wished for the best birthday of her life, and blew again. Four went out. She made a funny hysterical scream at the candles in irritation, and Sasori collapsed onto her bed, trying to muffle himself in the blanket. Hidan was holding the wall for support as he shook with laughter. Pain and Deidara were hardly making any noise, they were laughing too hard. Konan took a deep breath, wished that the candles would _freaking go out! _and blew as hard as she possibly could. Five went out, leaving seven.

"Seven boyfriends, Konan!" Itachi said, laughing just as hard as everybody else. She sighed, and began to wonder if they'd bought impossible-to-blow-out candles as a joke. _One more time, _she told herself.

"K-Konan! hahahahha...W-wish for a b-boyfriend! It might...HAHAHAAAaa work!" Sasori sputtered, laughing hysterically. He had sunk to the floor, which he was beating with his fist, tears streaming down his cheeks. Konan sighed. You never know... She took a _huge _breath, wished as hard as she possibly could for a boyfriend. Then she closed her eyes tight shut and BLEW! There was a sudden silence. And then an avalanche of laughter. Konan looked at the candles. Then her jaw dropped.

All of them had gone out except one, which she wordlessly pinched, and it went out.

It took at least twenty minutes before Sasori was calm enough to be trusted with a slice of cake.

In metalshop, Konan had just decided to take pictures of her and her friends to fill her new photo album with, when the teacher came over to mark the day's project. She got 4/5 for the progress she'd made on the metal butterfly-decorated shower curtain rings she was working on (she was determined, after being seen half-naked twice, to find a way to get some form of privacy). Pain got 5/5 for his new earrings (metal rods that go straight through his ear, top to bottom), and Sasori got 4.5/5 for his bronze eye (he was going to put a webcam in it, and stick it on his door, or something like that. He had threatened to hide it in the bathroom, but Konan had convinced him with a heavy book to the head, that this was a bad idea).

After class, they walked to gym, and were joined by Hidan. He was kind of pissed off at his drama teacher (What the fuck is wrong with that bitch? I wasn't _hurting _him...that much..), but he cheered up at the thought that today was the big volleyball tournament. Konan was surprised how many people wished her happy birthday; some of them she'd never spoken to.

Sasuke, who was clutching a twenty-dollar bill (probably bribed by Itachi) said that he hoped she had a fantastic birthday right in front of Ino, who looked livid. Konan said thanks to him, and laughed at Ino with Pain, Sasori, and Hidan. Konan changed quickly, and spoke briefly to Sakura, who Ino had told that Konan had flirted with Sasuke.

"I promise, Sakura, I don't like him. And I don't lie when I promise." Konan said, smiling. Sakura looked relieved, and smiled back. Konan walked out of the changeroom, thinking that Sakura deserved a better BFF than Ino.

Mr Asuma divided up the class into teams of four, based on prowess, age, and the level of difficulty they chose. Sasori quietly told Konan to choose Challenging, and she did, despite her knowledge that she hadn't gotten that much better since their first day. She was put on a team with Pain, Sakura, Tenten, and Sasuke.

Konan was pretty happy (and she knew Sakura was) because Pain and Sasuke were two of the best players, Tenten could jump really high, and Sakura had the best spike in the class. They were playing against Ino, Sasori, Hidan, Temari, and Naruto. Sasori was the best player, but Ino was almost worse than Konan. Temari was a really nice girl in Konan's choir and music classes, and Konan really liked her because she had the most backbone of all the girls in her year (4th). She was pretty good at volleyball, but Naruto was a little clumsy with accidentally hitting the ball out. Konan felt nervous, because the best team got their own pizza party in the staff room, and 20 extra bonus points for the term. Konan didn't need telling that her entire team wanted that party...badly. She bit her lip, hoping she wouldn't screw up. Pain nudged her, and she looked up.

"Don't worry. You'll do fine. Unless you fall over again..." he said, grinning. She grimaced, and said 'Thanks' sarcastically.

Sasuke and Naruto did rock-paper-scissors, and the other team got the first ball. Asuma's whistle echoed sharply through the gym, and Sasori served.

The ball flew over the net, and Konan was very glad that she was playing on the left; it went straight for Tenten's face. She moved back quickly, bumped it, and set Sakura up perfectly for a spike. Sakura hit it hard, with a loud _CHA! _(that made Konan laugh every time) and the ball smashed down into the other court. Ino dived for the ball, but missed, and landed flat on the ground. Konan saw Sasori roll his eyes, then smirk at her, and she grinned back. Ino stood up, looking irritated and rubbing her boobs. Konan looked at Sakura, who was hiding a laugh behind her hand.

It was their ball, and Pain served the ball. Naruto bumped it, and Hidan saved it from going out. Temari spiked it over, straight for Konan. _Oh...crap...crap...crapcrapcrapcrapcrap..._Konan put her hands together like Sasori had taught her, gritted her teeth, and bumped it. To her relief, it didn't hit the ceiling or go out, and Sasuke spiked it. Sasori saved it, and Ino tried to spike it over, but it went straight into Tenten's face. She blocked it, and scored when Naruto missed it. Pain grinned at her, and mouthed 'Good one!' Konan smiled back, and Sasori winked at her when she looked back at the other team. Konan knew what he was thinking but there was no way...

Her thoughts were interrupted as Ino served overhand (for the first time, probably trying to impress Sasuke) and she hit it wrong. Konan, of course, had been expecting it to go where it was supposed to; on the right side of the court. But instead, she looked up, and BAM it smacked her in the face with the force of a running cow. She stumbled, and Pain caught her before she fell. It took a few seconds for her to realize what had happened. She looked up, and saw Pain grinning at her. She blushed red, and stood up, thanking him awkwardly. Ino, of course, was shrieking with laughter. Sakura, on the other hand, asked if Konan was okay, and she said 'Kind of.' Sasori snapped at Ino to shut up, which she did, glaring at him. Konan sighed; it was going to be a _wonderful _rest of her birthday, she could tell by the way things were going.

Her team ended up winning the tournament, and Konan and Pain promised to sneak Sasori and Hidan into the party. Ino-bitch bullied Sakura into swearing she'd get her into the party, too. As they walked to the Teacher's Lounge instead of going to dinner, Konan talked to Sakura nervously.

"Sakura...?" Sakura looked up.

"Yeah?" Konan decided that she would have to pick her words _very _carefully.

"Um...I'm just wondering...if you're okay...I mean," she rushed on, as Sakura looked at her quizzically. "You and Ino...are you two...um, fighting, or something?" Sakura smiled wryly.

"Me and Ino...we're not really friends." she said in an undertone. Konan was surprised, and she said so. Sakura grinned. "Well, we were best friends when we were young, but we both liked Sasuke, so we kind of broke up...but last year, when Ino thought that Sasuke might like me better, she wanted to be friends again, best friends. I didn't really want to, but she said that she'd ruin my rep if I didn't. I think that she thought that if Sasuke was looking at me, if we were best friends, and close together, he'd then look at Ino and see how much prettier she is than me." Sakura said, plainly angry at Ino-bitch. Konan couldn't blame her.

"No way. You're way prettier than Ino!" Konan said, being perfectly honest. Sakura smiled at her.

"Thanks. But I guess I don't really have to be friends with her anymore...I mean, after all, my rep's ruined just by hanging out with her. She can't do anything now." Konan half-hugged her.

"That's the spirit! And, you know what...I saw Sasuke looking at you during the game...I really think he kind of likes you when you're not with Ino-bitch." Sakura's eyes widened.

"Really?" she blushed, glancing at Sasuke, who was vaguely talking with Pain about metalshop (Sasuke makes swords). Konan nodded, absolutely serious. Then Sakura laughed. "You know what? _I _was the one who first called Ino Ino-bitch." Konan laughed.

"Really? It's become pretty popular." Sakura nodded proudly, and Konan could see that now that she'd outwardly accepted that she didn't need Ino, she seemed to stand taller inside herself. Konan smiled, happy that she'd helped Sakura out.

Hidan and Sasori ended up in the party, and Sakura 'forgot' to text Ino and tell her that the supervision teacher had left. Konan sat on a table, drinking 7up and watching Sakura, who Sasuke had gone to sit next to. It looked like they were getting along just fine, if you didn't count Sakura blushing every time he spoke. Konan gave her the thumbs up, and Sakura smiled at her. Konan sighed and sipped more 7up. Suddenly somebody sat down next to her. It was Sasori, and Deidara, who had plainly come, too.

"Hey Konan."

"Hey, guys. Having fun?" she said, her voice full of implications as her eyes roved over Sasori's ruffled hair, and Deidara's blush. Sasori cleared his throat.

"Yeah...but anyways, we came here to discuss something very important with you." Konan raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you came for the pizza."

"That too, un." Deidara said, and Konan grinned.

"Well, we've got to tell you something that's _serious, _as well." Sasori said, and Konan nodded.

"Sure." she said, and Sasori grinned.

"I just came to give you a heads-up. You're not gonna be single much longer, Miss independant." he said, and with another implicatory wink, and a tug on Deidara's arm, they disappeared into the semi-darkness of the party room. Konan frowned, having absolutely no idea what they were talking about. She decided that Hidan had probably poured vodka into the punch, which Sasori had been chugging like coffee.

Konan yawned (the birthday celebrations had started at 5 am) and sat down on the sofa, leaning her head on the arm rest. Within half an hour, despite the loud music, noise and talking, Konan had fallen asleep, splayed on the couch. Pain came over and grinned at her sleeping form. He didn't notice that he was just standing there and looking at her.

She was so fascinating, and, he had decided that she was the first girl he'd met at this school that he considered pretty. But Konan was _more _than pretty. She was beautiful, adorable and fierce at the same time. He never knew that he would ever find a girl like her, and he was especially surprised that she was both smart and funny and fun to hang out with. She had even helped him pierce his arms, and he didn't know _anybody _else who would help him with that. He sat down at the other end of the couch, and thought about her.

He knew that he liked her, and he knew that he was probably gonna ask her out soon. But the funny thing about her was that she seemed to have _no idea whatsoever _that he liked her so much. She wasn't stupid, but she suspected that she didn't think it was possible for a guy to think she was pretty. He shook his head, drank more 7up (he'd gotten addicted to the stuff at age 7), and waited for Deidara and Sasori to decide to go back. The ywere probably making out in a corner or something, and Hidan was probably stoned from the alchohal he'd smuggled in.

About half an hour later, Pain opened his eyes, and looked down. Konan, still asleep, had somehow turned herself around, and was now asleep against his chest, on of her arms flung over his legs, her back to him, and the other arm across her own stomach. He looked at her, uncertain if he should wake her up or leave her like that. He decided to just leave her there. He absent-mindedly put an arm around her waist as he waited for the others.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sasori was pinning Deidara against the wall of an office just off the main room. Deidara kissed Sasori's neck, moaning quietly as Sasori ground into him. "I...love you, un." Deidara said into Sasori's neck. Sasori kissed him fiercely, exploring his mouth with his tongue, making Deidara moan again. "You're sexy." Sasori said teasingly, and Deidara bit his lip in retaliation. Sasori grinned wickedly, and came back to Deidara's mouth for more, his hands twisted in Deidara's long dark blonde hair...

* * *

Konan opened her eyes. She realized that she was really warm, and she was lying on something that was breathing. She looked up in surprise, and almost passed out when she realized that she was lying on Pain. He was looking down at her, one arm around her waist. She turned bright red and sat up.

"I'm sorry, I'm really-" she began apologizing quickly; she must have fallen asleep on him. Pain laughed and punched her shoulder playfully.

"I don't mind. You were tired." he said, but she still felt really silly. She stood up, her arms folded around her waist, looking very awkward and embarassed. Pain watched her, amused. She was so funny.

"I better go..." she said, and Pain stood up, too.

"Yeah, it's getting kinda late...the others'll come when they're...done..." he said, and Konan followed his gaze into a small room that came off the one they were in, and saw dark red hair she recognized as Sasori's, and Deidara's dark blonde hair and..._oh..._

"Right!" she said, embarassed, and she began walking towards the door, surprised when she realized Pain was loping along behind her. They walked together quietly down the dark halls, Konan still feeling embarassed and awkward, Pain watching her and grinning.

"What's so funny?" she asked accusingly.

"Oh, just you." he said innocently.

"Right." Konan grumbled, and he laughed. Konan smiled to herself; she had discovered that she had trouble keeping a straight face when Pain laughed, because his laugh was so catching.

"So..." Konan began, trying to fill the silence that had descended upon them when Pain stopped laughing. "How long have Sasori and Deidara been...uh..." Pain saved her.

"They started making out and dating, I guess, at the end of last year. Sasori kept on saying how adorable Deidara was, and Deidara always got super jealous of his other girlfriends and boyfriends-"

"Sasori's bi?"

"Yeah. Anyways, so one day I kind of walked in on them sucking face. And they've been together ever since. Sasori still flirts with people, though, just to have fun."

"I've noticed." Konan grumbled, and Pain laughed again.

"He likes flirting with you, especially." he told her, which surprised her.

"Why?" Pain didn't have to think about it.

"Because you're adorable when he does. You blush and look at your feet and stuff. It's hilarious."

Konan rolled her eyes. Of _course _it's hilarious. Not stupid, or embarassing, it's funny. Typical.

They got back to the boy's hall, and opened the doors (they got locked at 11 pm). They walked through the dark, quiet hall, and opened the door to their dorm. The lights were on, and it looked like everybody who hadn't gone to the party were all lying around, talking and drinking coke. Konan almost laughed; Pain had told her that the truth or dare had been especially for her, that guys didn't normally do stuff like that. So Konan was still completely unsure as to what it was guys did at sleepovers, if they had them. But this looked just like she imagined it; guys lying around, probably having watched a gory movie, then drinking coke and talking about girls, (or guys) then falling asleep at four.

Konan shook her head, stepped over most of them, and walked into her room. Pain asked if he could come in to talk to her for a second, and she said yes. He walked in, and took a camera out from behind her head. He smiled at her, before moving next to her, and raising the camera so it faced them. Konan looked at the camera, confused. Flash.

"Smile, stupid." Pain said teasingly. Konan elbowed him in the ribs and smiled. Flash.

"One more." Pain said, and Konan's mouth opened in a perfect O, her eyes wide when she felt Pain's mouth kiss her cheek. Flash. "Goodnight! Happy Birthday!" Pain said cheerily, waving the camera and closing the door after him. Konan sat down on the bed.

_What was that? __What the heck was that about? Is he crazy? Boys are so weird! Maybe it's like a tradition to do that on people's birthdays where he comes from? Where does he come from, anyways? Why did he do that? Now I'll just feel even stupider around him than I do now, if that's even possible! It's going to make things all weird if I think it means something and it doesn't...what the heck! _

Konan shook her head, put on her huge grey tshirt and black boxers, closed her eyes, and lay down on her bed, not bothering with blankets. She was sixteen...she was sixteen...

Konan smiled one last time before falling asleep again.


	3. Dance Forever

**I Love Halloween Chapter (Re-Written)**

* * *

So, I know that this has taken forEVERRRR but my computor got a whole Stack-load of viruses, and they're still on somehow...:( so I might not update for a bit, but hopefully I can and I will! I do know how this story is gonna end, and trust me we're getting there...I just have to get the motivation to do this! But luckily, I've got loads of LOVELY reviewers to give me wonderful feedback ,and I love you all! This chapter is dedicated to **DeidaraUlquiorra **for all their support and AMAZING help. I am totally honest in saying that I could not have re-written this chapter without them. I grovell at their feet for eternity. :) I know this is different than before, but I hope you guys like it as much as the sadly deleted chapter. RIP Baila Baila No 1!

* * *

The school was going crazy. Halloween, which was coming up fast, was apparently the favourite holiday of the year, for both students and staff.

Konan herself was getting caught up in the excitement of decorating the school: each student had a month-long assignment of decorating one section of the school for Halloween.

Konan was supposed to decorate the ceiling of the lunch hall, and she had a great idea for it! However, her idea required an ass-load of preparation and time, so she was, in a word, stressed.

On October 12, she trudged into the lunch hall from origami class, feeling _so _worn-out it was like somebody had used her as a dishcloth. Twenty times, on a cheese grater.

She lined up at the buffet table, and one of the cooks who was just putting out another batch of juiceboxes took one look at her and shoved a mug of black coffee into her hands.

"You look like you need it, dear." she said as an explanation. Konan sipped the coffee gratefully and shuffled towards her usual table, where everybody was already sitting, talking excitedly.

Honestly, Konan thought as she sat down next to Pain, if she heard the word 'Halloween' one more time, she'd probably snap.

"So, how's your Halloween project going?" he asked her.

Konan's head hit the table. "I see. Good to know you're making progress." he commented, taking a bite of his toast.

"I'm going _crazy, _this whole thing is absolutely hopeless, I've slept a grand total of 16 hours in the last week...and the laundry machine's eaten all my left socks." Konan grumbled from the tabletop. Pain half-smiled at her and patted the top of her head.

"It's okay, Konan. Just think. After everything's finished, there's the Halloween party to look forward to! That one's always the best one of the year." he said optimistically.

"Hell yeah! It's the only reason I even _go _to this fucking shithole of a school!" Hidan interjected, patting Konan on the back heavily as he went to get more cereal.

"You only go to this school because you'd be on the streets if you didn't, stupid!" Kisame called after him, and received two fingers in return. Konan raised her head with a sigh and chugged her coffee.

"_That's _better." she said, wiping her mouth and looking up at Pain, who was halfway through a smuggled bottle of vodka. "So, what's so good about the Halloween party? ...and _why _are you drinking at 12:30 in the middle of the day?" she asked with a frown.

"You've got coffee, darling. I've got vodka. We get though school projects in similar ways." Pain explained with a wink. Konan rolled her eyes, fighting to ignore the happy cheer that was trying to force its way out of her- her reaction to being called _darling, _and getting a wink from Pain- and bit into her apple.

"You didn't answer my first question." she noticed, and Pain looked meaningfully at Deidara. Deidara leaned forward, after having to fight a little to let Sasori to release him.

"He doesn't like to talk when there's vodka on the table, un." Deidara said, rolling his eyes. "The Halloween party's the best one, because...well, we have to dress up on almost _every _holiday, 'cuz it's the school's tradition. But everybody likes dressing up as a dead cheerleader or a zombie butler a _lot _better than dressing up as a snowflake or an easter bunny, or cupid, un." Konan nodded, grinning.

"I get it. But do you guys actually dress up as _cupids? _You know...naked?"

"Pervert, you just wanna see." Sasori said, pretending to blush. Konan raised her eyebrows at him.

"_If _I wanted to see, I wouldn't wait for Valentine's day. I could just ask you and you'd show me." she said, and Sasori smirked.

"Would not." Konan snorted.

"Yeah you would." Sasori pretended to think about this for a second, then he grinned.

"Yeah, you're right, I would."

"Have you thought about what you're gonna be for Halloween?" Kisame asked from the opposite end of the table. Konan groaned, leaning forward to see him.

"Are you serious? I've been living in _dread _of the 31st, not _planning _it. But...I guess I could be...an escaped asylum inmate." she said thoughtfully, and Kisame whistled.

"Sexy. I'm gonna be a Frankenstein's monster kind of thing..." he said with a wave of his hand.

"What about you?" Konan asked Itachi, who had been winning a staring contest with his Jello. He looked up and gave Konan a small smile.

"Vampire Boyfriend for rent. Might as well, right? I mean...I've got the eyes for it." he said, rolling his dark red eyes.

"Before you ask- I'm gonna be a Gothic ringmaster, un." Deidara said, and Konan grinned.

"That's fun! Hidan, what are you gonna be for Halloween?" Konan called to Kakuzu's masochistic boyfriend.

"Edward Scissorhands. I started collecting scissors last week, but I keep fucking cutting myself with them!" he said, looking down at his hands, which were indeed covered with cuts.

"Hidan, if you need somebody to talk to...the Teen Help Line's number's right there." Pain said understandingly, pointing up at the bulletin board at the front of the hall, which was covered with Self-help advice. Hidan swore at him, and bit savagely into his sandwich.

"I'm being a broken string...er...monstery thing. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I'm being, but all I know is that my monthly catalog had a huge sale on string." Kakuzu announced, moodily shoving pasta around his plate.

"What are _you _gonna be?" Konan asked, punching Pain's side playfully. He looked at her seriously, and she had to turn a burst of laughter into a cough (his expression was reminiscent of the _Terminator's_.)

"I'm gonna be Sweeney Todd." he said, too casually for his deadpan expression, before taking another swig of Vodka. Konan suddenly developed a serious interest in adjusting her shoes, knowing that she was probably blushing or nosebleeding or something at the thought of Pain...and Sweeney Todd (a.k.a. Johnny Depp)...mixed together. _Sexy-Pain..._

She took a deep breath and looked up as Sasori's dreamy voice spoke up in a rather sulky tone.

"I like how you purposefully _don't _ask the sexiest person here." Sasori said, affronted. Konan smirked at him.

"Aw, Sasori, buttercup! Couldn't you tell? I was saving the best for last!" she said sarcastically. The redheaded boy in front of her stuck his tongue out at her and sipped his orange juice.

"Well, not that you're interested or anything..." he began demurely, and Konan had to grin at his funny expression. "...but _I'm _going to be a dead Harlequin clown."

"What's a Harlequin?" Konan asked curiously before bursting into a fit of giggles. Sasori scowled as everybody looked curiously at Konan, who was trying to muffle her laughter.

"You just imagined me as Ronald McDonald, didn't you?" Sasori asked with a sigh. "Why does _everybody _do that when I say I'm gonna be a clown?" he asked in frustration.

"Because you have red hair." the others said, as if it was obvious. Sasori rolled his eyes and prodded Konan with his spoon, making her shut up.

"A Harlequin is a kind of clown. You've got your mimes, your Pierrots, your Augustes, and then there's the Harlequin." Sasori glanced up to see that all of his friends were staring at him blankly.

"I learned about it in puppetry! We were doing a clown-themed project..." he trailed off as his friends' faces became even _more _blank.

"Geez! Fine! I'm being a clown! Happy?" he said, crossing his arms and sulking.

"Ohhh..." the others all said, making him shoot them all dark looks.

"Oh, hey, you know what else is coming up?" Deidara suddenly spoke up, as if just remembering something.

"What?" Konan asked, and he sighed.

"The dance unit, un. In gym class." There were groans from everyone around the table except Konan, who wasn't sure why it wasn't _good. _

"Trust me, you'll grow to hate it too." Itachi said, glancing up at Konan, who was beginning to sense impending doom. Sasori's face suddenly brightened.

"Hey, Pain, what dance is your gym class gonna do?" he asked suddenly. Pain looked up at him, his bottle of Vodka almost empty.

"Um...well, they haven't told us yet, but I heard Asuma talking about it with Kurenai...I think we'll vote between the samba or broadway." Hidan and the others groaned, but Konan secretly thought that it sounded like fun. Sasori shot Konan a dreamy smirk.

"Just think, Pain: either way, Konan's gonna be in a sexy outfit." Pain choked on his Vodka, and Konan looked curiously at Sasori.

"What's up, babe?" Sasori asked, smirking at her.

"I was just thinking...why do you always look really stoned?" Everybody snorted with laughter, and Sasori frowned.

"I do? I never knew that. I thought I just look hot." he said, confused.

"Oh, oh, seriously. You always look _totally _stoned. Like, fuck-shit stoned. Don't tell me you're _not._" Hidan said, frowning, as if it had never occurred to him that Sasori was _not _constantly wasted.

"Do I really?" Sasori asked, looking at Deidara, who pretended to inspect his boyfriend's expression carefully.

"Well, after some serious examination...yeah. Sasori, my man, you _always _look high. It's probably because you never _act _sober, anyways, un."

Konan laughed, and Sasori shrugged, rolling his eyes. The bell rang, and they all put their trays away, headed for their respective classes.

"Ugh, do you think they'll start us on fucking dancing today?" Hidan asked with a groan.

"Um, no, I think they'll postpone it just for you, Hidan-baby." Sasori quipped, earning himself an earful of profanities for the next two hallways. Just as Pain had predicted, as soon as they'd finished changing, Asuma gathered them all together to announce that they were going to start their dance unit.

"We're starting it early this year, because honestly, last year, you guys all danced like geese with broken hips." he said frankly, and the class laughed.

"No, I'm serious. This year, I just don't want to be embarrassed. Did you realize that none of the other staff could look me in the eye without laughing after last year's performance?" Asuma looked off into the middle-distance, shaking his head.

"Not this year, guys. This year, you guys are gonna be _hot. _Not in a perverted, paedophillic way...just, you know, on _fire._ So, vote now: salsa or broadway? Either way, _everybody's _going to dance." he said, glaring at the class as if daring any of them to mumble something about having a broken leg.

"All those in favour of broadway?" he asked, and a number of hands went up.

"Samba?" Asuma surveyed the hands in the air, counting silently. "Alright. Samba it is. Now, as much fun as it would be to allow you guys to pick your own partners, I want you guys to get to know _everybody _in this class, not just your friends. So, I've picked the partners. And _yes, _it's groups of two of the opposite sex, until we run out of boys or girls. After that...well, you have to come talk to me after that. Oh, and Deidara, you're switching gym classes, right?" Everyone turned to look at the blonde boy, who nodded with a smirk at Sasori, who looked completely shocked.

"You're _switching? _Why?" he asked, almost whining, in an undertone as Asuma continued going on about non-sexual conduct. Deidara smiled and traced Sasori's hand.

"It's so I can do a double-block of body art, un." he explained. "But just think!" he hurriedly added, seeing Sasori's dreamy expression turning into a disappointed scowl.

"This just means that you can _surprise _me with your sexy dancing! I'm sure I'll be _way _more turned on if it's a surprise!" Deidara said with a grin, and Sasori laughed.

"Jeez, fine. I'll just punish you later for ditching me." he said with a wicked smirk.

"Okay, here are the partners." Asuma began, and Sasori and Deidara looked up.

"Sakura, Sasuke."

Konan smiled to herself as she saw Sakura looking like it was her birthday, Christmas, and her wedding day all mixed into one. At least _somebody _was happy with that pairing. Ino looked like she could have killed Santa Claus, and Sasuke looked...emo as usual.

"Sasori, Tenten."

Sasori looked around and winked at Tenten, who, frankly, looked a little frightened. After all, Sasori was hot and flirtatious and everything, but he was still a little...you know. He looked stoned, for one.

"Pain, Ino."

Konan winced, half because _she _sorta wanted to be with Pain...but mostly out of pity for her friend. His face was pale with anger, his fists clenched around his knees. He, frankly, _detested _Ino. Konan wasn't exactly sure why, but Deidara had muttered something like she had told everybody that they were dating when he'd first come to the school, then made up stories about how he did kinky stuff and beat her. And she was only eleven or twelve years old. Frankly, Konan couldn't believe somebody was so attention-obsessed. Asuma was almost done with the list.

"Konan..." Konan looked up, clenching her shirt with nerves; what if they had run out of guys, and she had to dance with Asuma!

"You'll be dancing with...me." he said, fixing her with a look. Konan imagined herself collapsing into a puddle of horror. Asuma began to laugh.

"Just kidding. Konan, Hidan."

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan cheered, looping his arm around Konan's shoulders. She sighed with relief: Hidan was a _million _times better (and ultimately less embarrassing) then Asuma.

"Okay everybody!" Asuma announced, standing up after finishing the list of partners, "Get with your dance partner, and spread out in a big circle around the gym. Today we're just going to go over some of the basic moves." Hidan grabbed Konan's hand and lead her across the room.

"You suck at dancing, don't you?" he asked shrewdly, and Konan blushed, scowling.

"You don't _know _that!" she said, crossing her arms. Hidan grinned.

"You _do _suck. I can tell." Konan tossed her hair dramatically.

"Not true, I have _amazing _dance moves, like the...like the...Rotten Lawnmower...and the...Struggling Duck..." she trailed off as Hidan began to laugh.

"Show me." he said, and Konan reluctantly began to...er...do the 'Struggling Duck'. She flapped her arms like a windmill and began to strut in a rather ungainly manner in a little circle around Hidan.

"Great, Konan! Everybody, copy her! It looks like she's...warming up!" Asuma called out to the class, who immediately stared at her.

"Shit." she said, turning bright red: the Struggling Duck was _not _something she wanted to be seen doing by _anybody: _showing it to Hidan had been a serious stretch. She could hear Ino laughing shrilly, and was just considering making a break for it out the gym doors, when Hidan copied her, still laughing. Pain did the same thing, and Konan decided that, if she ever _lived _through this humiliation, she would thank them forever for doing this for her. Finally the rest of the class began walking around, flapping their arms and wiggling their butt occasionally, and Konan slyly watched Pain.

Frankly, his 'Struggling Duck' looked about as natural as a hippo on stilts. But then, it wasn't Konan's most graceful 'dance move'. And honestly, she had come up with it on the spot.

"I was right." Hidan said as he passed her, flapping his arms around wildly. "You _suck _at dancing. Stupid bitch.." he said fondly, giving her a one-armed hug.

"What are you, the Sassy Gay Friend?" she asked, equally as fondly, returning the hug as everybody began more normal stretches. Hidan laughed.

"Oh, come on you stupid bitch, let's get out of here. She's a stupid bitch." Hidan quoted, and Konan laughed.

The rest of gym class was relatively uneventful...Konan put her feet on Hidan's so she wouldn't trip, but she still managed to fall over on her butt. Just once.

A few weeks later, Konan got a grand total of 4 hours of sleep on Friday night. The projects had to be done and ready for installation the next day. She stayed awake, folding paper until her hands hurt, and then she kept on folding...only faster.

She had finally used the miniature coffee-maker her father had given her before she came to school, and had depended solely on espressos to keep her awake. By seven am the next morning, she was done, and was just shoving her human paper corpses into orange jail jumpsuits. It was pretty hard, like trying to squeeze on a tube top over a woollen jumper.

"Rise and shine, babycakes." Sasori said casually on his way to the shower. "Shut up." Konan moaned into her pillow, rolling over.

Halloween was today. And it was eight o'clock. And Konan wasn't in her costume. Sasori, who was finished showering, stuck his head around the door.

"You _do _know that you have to be in costume to get into the dance, right? And, I'm sorry, but The Creature from Beyond the Bed is _not _allowed." he said jokingly, taking in her messy hair and zombie-like expression.

"I _know..._" Konan said, flinging a pillow at Sasori's retreating, towelled form. She flicked on her stereo and rolled out of bed as Billy Idol began to serenade her morning.

Stumbling to the bathroom, Konan grabbed her costume (which she'd spent about three days straight patching together in the sewing room) and shut herself in the bathroom. She looked sadly at the mirror. She looked like a drunken raccoon with blue hair and a labret. And that was being nice.

With a sigh, Konan stripped off her big Teletubbies t-shirt and leggings, pulled a black and red lace bra over her head, and dragged a brush through her unruly hair. She hiked on some garters and torn stockings under her black booty shorts (worn strictly in the company of gentlemen, mind you), and slung on a lace tanktop.

Focusing on her make-up, she washed her face briefly and cleaned her labret before taking black eyeliner and smudging it under her eyes before drawing on dolly-like lashes which she accentuated with patented dolly mascara. She opted for purple eyeshadow instead of her usual blue, filling in a shadowy look around her eyes. She considered putting on a light coating of paler foundation, but she decided that she was pale enough as it was, having not seen the sun for several months.

Bending over, she took the can of hairspray and sprayed it liberally around her head in a cloud, making her hair stick out at funny angles. Then she grabbed her customary origami paper, folded herself a flower, pinned it into her hair, and pulled the straitjacket over her head.

Giving herself a once-over, she deemed herself thoroughly dressed-up, and opened the door, grabbing her bag and stuffing her feet into her black Converse. She crashed into Pain in the hallway, caught by surprise as he came out of his room at the same time as her.

"Wow. You look...scary." he said, giving her a twice-over.

"Thanks," she said sheepishly, doing the same for him. "You...you look..."

"_Hot._" Sasori interjected, and Konan kicked him in the shin, because that was what she had wanted to say... _Wanted _to say, not what she wanted said _out loud_.

But there was no denying it; Pain looked downright sexy. IF you thought that Johnny Depp was a hot Sweeney...let's just say that Pain looked _almost _just as good. If not better.

He was wearing the exact same costume, from the brown coat down to the selection of barber's knives. He had even dyed a streak of his hair white. Somehow, the facial piercings added to the effect.

"Can you strap me in?" Konan asked, and Pain proceeded to bind her arms to herself. "I can't move." she complained once he had done.

"Um, yeah. If you _could _move, then your straitjacket would be a total fail-coat." Sasori joked under his breath, walking past Konan to get to the bathroom again. Konan turned to look after him.

Somehow the idea of Sasori being a clown was now more...sexy. He was wearing face-paint, of course, but not the usual Ronald McDonald kind of thing you expect. He had black circles over and around his eyes, with black drips like tears. The way his eyes shone from those pits of paint was, frankly, scary.

He had also drawn kind of stitch-like markings over his mouth, and his skin was white. His hair was messy, but not much different than usual. He was wearing a huge white clown shirt, which went down almost to his knees, with a large ruff around the neck and three big, black buttons down the front. He wore black jeans and red Converse underneath, but that didn't take away from the overall effect at all.

"Lookin' good, Konan-bitch." Hidan said approvingly, opening his door and punching her shoulder playfully. His 'playful' punch sent her stumbling towards Pain, unable to keep her balance due to her 'lack of arms'.

He caught her and re-balanced her, but to her surprise (and total happiness) he kept an arm around her. Probably just to make sure she didn't fall over again, but still...a girl can dream.

"You look cool!" Konan said, looking Hidan up and down. "So..._sassy_." she teased, and he shot her a look. A _sassy gay _look. A look that looked terribly unnatural on Edward Scissorhands.

Hidan had attatched a load of knives and scissor-blades to his hands with wax, making it look super-realistic, as if they were naturally there. His mouth appeared much smaller, there was red lining around his eyes, and his hair...was, frankly, completely wild.

"Happy Halloween!" Kisame cheered, stepping out of his room. Had Konan been drinking anything, she could guarantee that it would have been spraying out of her mouth. Kisame looked _awful. _

Awful in a super-fucking-amazing-Halloween-costume way. Instead of his normal blue pallor, his skin was tinged with green, and there appeared to be drying blood around his mouth and down his neck.

His eyes looked bloodshot, his hair was covered in 'blood', his hands were bloody, there was evidence of being strangled on his neck, he had huge, jagged sword-ends sticking out of his chest, covered in 'blood' and 'flesh'...honestly, it was revolting in the coolest way possible.

"Itachi, c'mere." Kisame said, calling over his shoulder. It seemed that they were all just gathering in the hallway. Itachi slunk out of the room, and gave them all a good stare. Itachi was good at giving good stares.

And boy, did he look vampiric. His eyes were, if possible, even _more_ burgundy-coloured than usual, his skin terribly pale, dry blood around his mouth and on the rumpled tuxedo he was wearing...the effect was somewhat ruined by the sign around his neck that read 'Vamp Boyfriend for rent' in blood, but nevermind.

"Oh, wait! Wait wait wait!" Hidan exclaimed, staring Itachi full in the face.

"We need a picture of this, fucking _now_! Your _hair..._is out of its ponytail! And it's _messy!_" Everybody gasped like it was a soap-opera, and Pain struck an epic pose and grabbed his camera, propping Konan up temporarily on the wall. Itachi stared blankly at the camera that flashed in his face, then gave Hidan a death-glare for bringing up the idea of pictures.

Kakuzu emerged silently from his room, and Konan gasped in shock. He wasn't kidding when he said that he got a load of string... He wasn't wearing a shirt, showing off some serious rock-hard muscles. But he was covered in stitches, and in places there were huge, gaping holes. And in those holes, where there should have been flesh, there was only string.

Hundreds and hundreds of strings.

And there was a noose around his neck, and stitches over his mouth, and his eyes shone brightly from circles of black eyeliner. He looked like something you'd expect to crawl out of your sewing machine if it ever swallowed up a corpse.

"I told you...there was a discount on string." Kakuzu said, rather defensively, after three minutes of staring.

"Hey...where's Deidara?" Konan asked suddenly, looking around. Her blonde friend was normally the first one out of his room, after Konan. Sasori smirked.

"Oh, he's coming. You better get some tissues, Konan...you're gonna nosebleed all over the floor." he warned with a wink. "I'll keep that in mind." Konan replied drily, and Pain laughed.

"Deidara! Where are you?" Hidan cooed in a most terrifying manner, sort of like a quieter 'Heeeere's Johnny!'.

"What the hell? Are you _trying_ to scare me to death?" Deidara asked angrily, walking out of Konan's room, having evidentially been in the bathroom.

"Okay, where are the tissues? I'm feeling a nosebleed coming on." Konan asked, half-serious. No matter how confusing his costume was, Deidara looked _hot. _His usual black eyeliner had been replaced by a kind of spiky black pattern with one prominent slash over one eye, and his hair was down completely, teased by hairspray.

He was wearing a shirt with sleeves that were at least five inches too long under a golden vest with black buttons and a cream-coloured tailed jacket. He wore black finger gloves and pants, and a black tophat with a golden and black sash around it. There was a matching sash around his waist, a black whip sticking out of his back pocket, and golden spurs on his black boots.

All in all, he looked hot.

"Well, I feel we're ready to go to class." Konan said after a minute or two, and they all filed out, Pain keeping a hand on Konan in case she tipped over again, her bag over his shoulder.

The school was so different, it was if they had walked into Tim Burton's _Halloween Town. _There were murals on the floor (obviously temporary, but still) of demons and monsters flying and screaming and fighting just below them. There was a particularly good one that, if you stood on it, people ten metres away would see you about to be devoured by a hellish skeleton-snake thing.

Certain corridors were completely dedicated to one theme; for example, the hallway leading to the gym had zombie people (and in one case, cats) climbing out of the walls and floor.

They were made from papier-mache, wax, styrofoam and plaster, but they were so realistic a group of first-year boys screamed when they walked past. There were bats on strings, with wheels and pulleys in the ceiling to make them swoop down on unsuspecting students, sometimes hitting them in the face.

"Where's your project?" she asked Sasori as they went together to drawing class (the others had paused to look at what Naruto had fixed up in the guys washroom -a poo monster coming out of the toilet) Sasori grinned and pointed to the right.

There were three humans standing against the wall, with huge swords, scythes, daggers, and forks sticking out of their bodies, and they occasionally tilting their heads to the side and smiling creepily.

Scratch the people thing, there were three _human puppets. _They were _really, really _realistic, and Konan actually kicked one gently, just to check.

"It's made of wood!" she exclaimed, and Sasori nodded smugly.

"Yup. And check this out." he said, smirking as he spotted Kiba coming down the hall.

"Over here," Sasori said, pulling Konan behind him, disappearing into the classroom the puppets were standing against.

"There's a couple motors in them to make them move their head and smile without instruction, but if you do _this,_" Sasori opened a cupboard which had a huge hole in the back; they could see the puppet, and the hallway. Or, people's feet. Sasori clicked open the back of the puppet, and started pulling wires and things. Konan just concentrated on the people's feet.

"Now," she said when Kiba's feet (she could tell- he had unique shoes) paused by the puppet.

" 'Kay." Sasori said, and pulled three particular wires before pushing a button.

"HOLY SHIT!" Kiba's voice made the wall vibrate. By the time Konan and Sasori made it out of the room, he was gone.

"What did you do to him?" Konan asked curiously: the puppet looked just how it had looked before, but Kiba was nowhere to be seen. Sasori smirked at her.

"How would you like it if the inanimate puppet you were standing in front of suddenly took a sword out of it's chest and tried to stab you?" Konan stared at him, sort of sure that attempts to stab students was not allowed, but she just laughed.

"And if you were thinking that stabbing people is against school rules..." Sasori said slyly, making Konan look up at him guiltily. "...well, it's just to encourage students to take the self-defence classes, or even go into circus arts. I'm just giving them incentive. Besides, I never do it to somebody who wouldn't be able to dodge." he explained as they walked into the drawing class- which, needless to say, now looked like a huge jack-o-lantern that the students had been eaten by.

By lunchtime, if Konan had ever had any doubts that her school was the most decorated building in Europe, they were gone. The girl's bathroom had had a hologram of Moaning Myrtle floating above the toilets, which were almost all blocked by suicide notes and pictures of corpses.

There was fake blood spattered all over the walls and the sinks and water founatins only ran red water. (just food dye, so you can still drink it, of course)Itachi had turned an entire hallway into a sort of gothic, messed-up Alice in Wonderland world, with voices whispering '_Alice, Alice...' _in the creepiest ways, and eyes that seemed to follow you.

And as soon as you got to the end of the hall way, there'd be a scream of 'OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!' and a huge axe would swing across (slowly of course, so you could duck) in a vague attempt to behead you. Or get you in the shoulders, depending how tall you are.

Kisame's project had been to decorate one of the pools. Naturally, he'd dyed the whole thing a gory, dark red, with floating corpses.

Hidan's project was by far the most...um...anti-clean? He'd gotten an entire hallway to work with, right by the broken elevator. So, every two hours, fake blood would spray out of the elevator (but didn't get anybody else's projects messy because of a glass wall) and a creepy voice would echo around the school, 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'. Konan had never seen _The Shining, _but just the idea of a swimming-pool-worth of blood spurting out of an elevator made her think that she would never _want _to see the movie.

Pain's project involved a segment of hallway in which huge metal poles would randomly come at you from either side. They weren't sharp, but they were still capable of breaking some bones if you got pinned between one of them and the wall.

He had said that so long as you kept walking, you'd be fine, but honestly, his project was one of the scariest. If you even paused to scratch your leg, you could be practically impaled. Kakuzu had strung up a load of 'corpses' wearing white masks, and had black string coming out of their mouths, hands, chest, and eyes. It was pretty gruesome in itself, but he had also made it seem as if they were rotting.

Konan walked into the lunch hall, to find that it was _filled _with different people's projects: there was a huge sculpture of a spider on the east side (Konan made a careful note to herself _never _to look in that direction), a crazy red-purple lighting system over the buffet, with fog and holograms of ghosts floating above the pasta (probably by somebody in the graphic arts course), certain tables had weapons sticking out of them, or random limbs protruding out of the table's surface.

Konan hurried to her seat, accidentally knocking into somebody on her way. Lucky for her, it was Pain. It was lucky in two ways: number one, she was glad to see him, and number two, he caught her before she fell over.

"You really ought to have a safety mat with you, to catch you if I'm not there." he teased, helping her over to the table, where she thanked him and sat down. She glanced up to the ceiling, where her projects were currently hanging out. It was time to make them work.

"Um..." she said awkwardly, and Pain looked up. "Um...could you, um..." she said, kind of embarrassed (understatement) to actually _say _what she wanted, because then he might actually _do _what she wanted, and she couldn't handle that. "Um, could you.." she said, gesturing with her chin at her shorts, but not elaborating.

"You want me to...pants you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows teasingly.

"_No_." she said, blushing at the horrible...embarrassing... thought. "Can you..." Suddenly a hand swooped down, shoved itself in her back pocket (making her gasp- it tickled- and it was downright _groping _her) and pulled out seven little puppets. Sasori smirked at her and put them down on the table in front of her.

"Thank you." she said, a little forced, as Pain began to laugh.

"You're welcome, sugarpie." Sasori said sweetly, picking up one of the puppets and putting it down on the table in front of him.

"No!" Konan said in shock, but it was too late: one of the paper bodies that had been stuck to the ceiling fell down, straight towards Sasori.

"Wave your arm, damnit! WAVE!" Konan shrieked, and Sasori did as he was told in surprise. The paper corpse began to float innocently around the room, weaving and diving as the puppet in Sasori's hand did.

"What _are _these?" Pain asked curiously. Konan blew some hair out of her face.

"You know those voodoo dolls that Kakuzu gave me? Well, I made origami bodies, and they look like you guys. Remember that time a few weeks ago when I asked you guys for some of your hair?" Sasori and Pain nodded, Sasori's arm still waving around.

"Well, there's some in the middle of a paper puppet, and some around the neck of a voodoo doll. So they move." "But how were they stuck to the ceiling before?" Sasori asked, and Konan frowned.

"You know, I never figured that out, but I think that they don't work if the mini doll isn't out in the open...and then the big ones just stick to the ceiling. Personally, _I _don't even get it, but Kakuzu could probably explain." Pain gingerly picked up one of the dolls and began to wave it around like a magic wand, watching as a paper puppet above them began to fly around.

"Isn't that...Kisame?" Pain asked in surprise.

"Yes. And you've got Deidara, Sasori." Konan said, pointing up at the puppets.

"Really?" Sasori asked with interest.

"Mhmmm... Speaking of which, what was his project?" Just as she asked, there was a boom across the room, and Konan stood up to see a second year sitting on the floor, his chair blown up.

"He...He did that?" Konan asked when Sasori laughed and told her that _that _was Deidara's project.

"Yup. He didn't do it to the benches, because _we _sit on those...but a couple chairs are booby-trapped." As more students began to fill the lunch hall, and began to sit down, there were more explosions.

Konan vaguely wondered if they exploding chairs _hurt _the people who sat on them, but when Deidara came and she asked, he assured her that they weren't _supposed _to hurt, at least not that much.

Maybe a splinter or two.

They spent the lunch laughing as hapless people fell to their buts as their chair exploded, and taking pictures of themselves and other people with wicked costumes. Sasori had passed Konan an apple which she was sort of managing to eat by balancing it against a book and biting.

"How about I just undo your costume?" Pain offered after her apple rolled away again.

"That would be great." she said, letting him undo the straps around her arms. With her arms free (if a little stiff), Konan happily sipped from her juicebox, looking around.

She spotted Naruto, dressed up as a zombie, arguing with Sasuke who seemed to be a dead businessman. Hinata was a really adorable half-eaten Red Riding Hood, and her cousin Neji seemed to be a mad doctor.

Tenten was a gunslinger (her guns _might _be fake, you never know), and Rock Lee seemed to be a ninja. Konan's eyes travelled around the room, taking in Suigetsu's bare (totally ripped), stabbed chest, Gaara's grim reaper guise, Ino's Catwoman, Sakura's dead nurse, until she got dizzy.

It seemed that nobody in the school had dressed up as anything _cute, _like kids normally did. There weren't any princesses, Spidermans, fairies, or Talking Toilets that weren't covered in blood, or didn't have a limb missing. Go figure.

Asuma didn't even make them get changed for gym class. He got them into a circle right away, where everybody admired his dead pimp costume.

"Okay you guys. Today is the day that the project actually _starts._ Today, you're going to get with your partner, and start planning your own routine. It has to be at least one and a half minutes long, and the song you pick can't have swearing." There was a big groan from the class, and Asuma shrugged.

"Well okay, not _much_. It can't go like, da da da da da da _F****! _da da-da da dum." he sang, and the whole class laughed.

"Don't worry about costumes, because the sewing classes have a project to make the costumes for the gym classes. So I don't to hear any garbage about not dressing up for the show." he said, glaring around at them all, tapping his cigarette on the side of his chair.

"So! Hop to it, you've only got three weeks to prepare." in instructed, and everybody stood up. Hidan unceremoniously flung Konan over his shoulder instead over waiting for her to wiggle her way to her feet. He put her down on the other side of the gym, having ignored her protests the whole way there.

"So, Konan-bitch, what do you want to do? This has got to be fucking _brilliant, _otherwise we're gonna look totally dumb." he said, fixing her with a serious look. As surprising as a 'serious look' from _Hidan _was, Konan just nodded in agreement.

"I've got a song we can use by Angela Via." she supplied, and Hidan said sure.

An hour and a half later, the bell rang and they were all running down the hall.

"This school actually has a _dance hall_?" Konan exclaimed in surprise as she followed Sasori and Pain down the hall, Hidan right behind her.

"Yup. Paid for by a student who graduated, got rich, and gave it to the school before he died. Apparently they didn't have anybody else to give it all to." Pain explained. They lined up by some double doors that Konan had never noticed before, and Tsunade herself (dressed up as a princess with a knife through her throat) was letting people in two by two, examining their costumes.

"Dressing up as yourself is _not _a ticket into the dance. Next!" she called, turning away some disgruntled first year.

When they finally got to the front of the line and were allowed in, Konan gasped in surprise: they walked into a huge, dark room that was almost as big as the gym, and it was filled with purple light and Halloween-themed graffiti on the walls. There were about seventy people already inside, dancing to _Thriller. _

"I hope they stop the Halloween theme after an hour or so...there's only so many times you can do the Monster Mash with a smile on your face." Kisame said, suddenly appearing next to Konan, who laughed, trying to imagine her huge friend dancing to '_They did the mash...They did the monster mash!' _

As soon as Deidara appeared, Sasori grabbed him and pulled him through the throng of people, out of sight. "Have fun!" Hidan called after them sarcastically. A few seconds later, Michael Jackson's huge hit ended, and the _Harry Potter vs Voldemort _rap started playing. Konan thought she could faint.

"Oh my god." she said, bouncing up and down. "I _love _this." she said happily, and Hidan cheered.

"_It's time, my lord._" he said, pretending to hold a mic. Konan beamed at him. She couldn't _believe _that Hidan knew it too.

"_I'm the darkest dark wizard, in all of history. I'll slay your ass out like Cedric Diggory. With a wave of my finger, I'll put you on the floor, you's a punk-ass little kid without Dumbledore. I'm the best wizard rapper you ever will see, you're a puny witch midget with a dead mommy. I've got multiple souls and can raise the dead, if you think you can win, then you've been sorely mislead..." _Hidan rapped animatedly. Konan started laughing, but recovered in time to rap out Harry.

"_Oh, you's a big bald fairy, you think I'm scared of you? I smoked Basilisk, and I'll __smoke you too. I got witches in class, I got witches in halls, if you look under my cloak you'll see my Hagrid-sized balls.." _Oh god that's pretty embarrassing to say. _"I win at wizard duels, I win at wizard chess, I got platinum-coated DUBS on my Hogwarts Express. You can't touch me son, I drive magic cars, I dish out big hurt, you just pass out little scars..." _Sasori suddenly grabbed Konan around the waist, laughing: "You do know that people are filming you, right?" Konan looked around in surprise to see Pain with a video camera, laughing his ass off. Hidan hadn't noticed, he was still going.

"..._you think you're invisible, but I can see through that! I'll roll up with my wand and go RATATATAT!" _Konan laughed as Hidan waved his hand around, and started her verse, deciding that it didn't really matter if she was on camera...not really.

"_Say it don't spray it! Your breath smells like a grave, your teeth look like tombstones, and your nose is concave. Your head looks like a golf ball! Your face looks like a lizard! Here's the toll-free number for the hair club for wizards. The toughest gang around is the Gryffindor crew. Wizard drive by's is what we do. When Dementors try to ice me, I step right up and own 'em. I crack a butter beer and say Expecto Patronum!" _she finished, and there was a cheer from people who had started to watch.

"You two are_ total_ nerds." Pain said with a wicked grin. Konan rolled her eyes, and tried to high-five Hidan, but she couldn't move her arms.

"Chest bump!" he said, backing away a bit. She laughed and ran at him as he did the same.

"UGH!" Hidan said in a manly voice as they collided.

"OW!" Konan yelled as she bounced off and fell into Deidara, who caught her.

"There's a reason girls don't do that..." Konan muttered, grinning at Hidan who was laughing. _Macarena _started playing, thumping through the speakers, and the doors shut behind them as everybody was finally inside.

"Shall we dance?" Itachi said quietly, but everybody heard him.

"Well duh! It's a _dance_, un." Deidara said, rolling his eyes. Konan couldn't believe it; it was too funny, watching these guys who she had originally thought of as totally bad-ass, waving their arms around and shaking their hips during the _Heyyy Macarena _part.

Of course, she couldn't dance with them: straitjackets don't normally let you move much. So she just laughed and watched. The next song _was Hips don't lie, '_a great song to grind to', quoth Sasori.

Konan said that she was going to try and take off the straitjacket as she pushed through the crowd. She got to the edge and was just pulling on the strap with her teeth when suddenly hands grabbed around her waist, pulling her butt against somebody's pelvis.

"Stop it. I don't want to." she snapped, trying to step away, but they kept a firm grip on her hips, stopping her from moving. They were grinding into her ass, and she felt with horror that the perverted freak got _hard! _

"Fuck off!" she said in anger, stomping on their foot and shoving them away with her shoulders. She whirled around to see some leering seventh-year boy who was _clearly _completely stoned. He stank of some kind of drug, and he looked like he was ready to drop dead. Plus he had a boner.

"Get away from me, you freak!" Konan spat, kicking up hard between the boy's legs. With a strangled moan, he sank to the ground, clutching his balls. Shaking with disgust and hoping that she _never _had anything like that happen again, Konan tore the strap off her straitjacket with her teeth, undid the rest, and put it on a chair.

She grabbed Pain's camera and started to calm down, snapping pictures of her first-ever school dance, determined to enjoy it. She got several of Deidara and Sasori either making out, hugging, dancing, or generally just making funny faces.

Itachi flatly refused to be in _any _photos, but Konan still got some, most of them with Kisame making a funny 'Asian' pose next to him. Konan held her breath as she pushed through a sweaty throng of grinding bodies, trying to find Pain. She spotted Sakura -dancing pointedly near Sasuke, who looked _so _bored- and waved before diving back into the sea of bodies.

She'd just searched around near the stage, standing on her toes, trying to see a tall orange-haired head over the crowd, when once again she felt hands at her waist. Typical- _Turn me on _was booming through the speakers. The most grinding-est song _ever. _Konan impatiently shoved the hands off of her, looking through the crowd, trying to ignore the freak behind her.

_So let me hold you, girl whine all around me, you got me going crazy...Turn me on! Turn me on... _

The hands were back. Grabbing her butt. Touching her chest. Konan whirled around, red with horror and anger, her fist drawn back even though she'd never punched anybody before- But the boy was already sprawled on the floor.

Konan looked around in confusion and found Pain standing next to her, glaring murderously at the boy on the ground, who was struggling to his feet. Hidan and Kakuzu were there too, suddenly on either side of Konan, like two bodyguards.

Two _huge, muscular _bodyguards. Impressive, actually. The older boy got to his feet, rubbing his reddened cheek, glaring at Pain, who was suddenly impassive, his face cold and calm. Konan was kind of scared, despite herself.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? She your girlfriend or something?" The boy asked, his speech all over the place, and he stank.

"Don't touch her." Pain said, quite softly, before turning to walk away. Konan took Hidan's hand nervously, intending to follow, but Kakuzu put a hand on her shoulder silently, and she stopped. The other boy was looking at Hidan and Kakuzu, sizing them up.

Deciding to go after Pain, who admittedly looked a lot less strong than the others, he took a few steps towards him, his fists raised violently. Just as his arm began to swing forwards, Pain turned quickly, pushed the boy's arm out of the way, then, too quickly for Konan to see what had happened, had sent him to the floor with a snap of bone.

"Come on," he said shortly, walking towards Hidan and putting an arm around Konan, nodding at Kakuzu.

"It's my favourite song." he said, nodding at Sasori, who raised his eyebrows as they all passed. Konan listened for a second, trying to relax; she was still tense and afraid, not of the the boy who had groped her, but of the face Pain had made as he had crushed the boy's wrists. He was emotionless and cold, not like the boy Konan had come to know and like. She laughed though, when she recognized Pain's 'favourite song', _Barbie Girl. _She knew for a fact that he hated it.

"_Come on, Barbie, let's go party." _he murmured, as if trying to lighten the mood.

"_Ah, ah, ah, yeah." _Konan continued instinctively, noticing that Hidan and Kakuzu were gone again. "You okay?" Pain asked quietly, and Konan looked up at him, tilting her head to see him properly. Pain noticed and laughed.

"You need to grow _taller_." he said, ruffling her hair affectionately. Konan just rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Yeah I'm okay, to answer your question. But listen! It's _my _favourite song." she said with a grin, and Pain put a hand to his ear, pretending to listen intently.

"I see. You know, most party songs are intended to be danced to." he said gravely. Konan stifled a grin and played along.

"You know, I think you're quite right." Pain bowed gallantly with a flourish of his hands before kissing her hand (making her stomach jump) and grinning up at her.

"Would you accompany me for a dance?" he asked teasingly. Konan put a finger to her mouth, pretending to consider it. Finally she laughed.

"It would be an honour." she said gaily.

Grinning like little kids, they faced each other, waiting for the chorus to start again, and then they danced, singing with everyone around them; "_Hey...Hey, baby! Ooh! Aah! I wanna know...if you'll be my girl!"_

At the end of the night -and it was a long one- Konan flopped down on her bed, her hair and face washed, her costume flung onto her chair, her boxers and Tshirt on, and fell asleep in record time, Pain's laughing face floating through her dreams.

November arrived. The day of the dance performances. The day Konan -among others- had been dreading throughout the entire month. The costumes were made, the dances were ready to be performed, the gym was decorated, and now all there was between them and humiliation was a four-hour wait.

All throughout drawing and origami classes, Konan's right leg hadn't stopped shaking, her pen hadn't stopped tapping, and her thoughts were never far from thinking up awful things that could happen to her. Although she'd been practising with Hidan for ages, and had also been secretly practising alone, Konan couldn't shake the feeling that something _awful _was going to happen.

Almost the first thing she had to do in their dance routine was to kick her leg up, almost _vertically. _This had, of course, been near-impossible in the beginning, as her level of flexibility had been near that of an antique chair, but she'd been stretching and stretching and stretching ever since, with Deidara's help sometimes, and she'd gotten better.

But she'd also torn a whole load of ligaments before being able to do it at all, and her worst fear was that the next time she tried to do it -on stage- her leg would either not move at _all, _or it would go too far, and she'd break something. Visions flashed through her mind as she sat next to Pain in art, filling her head with images of her falling off stage, breaking her ankle, tripping, flashing the audience...

"Um, you broke your pencil." Konan looked up vaguely as Pain's voice infiltrated her 'zone'.

"What?" she asked stupidly. He grinned at her.

"You broke your pencil. The one you were chewing?" he said, pointing helpfully at her mouth.

Konan's face flamed up as she realized that A) she'd been chewing her pencil, and B) she had bitten a piece clean off, and it was in her mouth.

"Sorry." she muttered, tossing the broken pencil in the trash and staring at her feet. Pain waved a hand at her, in a silent 'Yeah, yeah..'

"Are you worried, too?" she asked awkwardly, wondering _why _she was asking at all- Pain never seemed to be nervous about _anything. _As she had known he would, he shrugged.

"Not really. I just hope Ino actually _wears _her costume." he said with a roll of his eyes. Konan smiled, sensing a story, and asked what he meant. Pain raised his eyes to the ceiling and propped his head up on his hands, grinning at Konan.

"Well, you know how the sewing class has made us all costumes, right?" he asked, and Konan nodded. "Well, she took hers back to the girl who'd made it, and asked her to adjust it."

"That's not so-"

Pain put up a hand as Konan interrupted. He grinned, "I'm not finished yet. She asked the girl (can't remember her name) to make _more skin-exposing _areas on the dress. Ino felt that it was a bit too prudish or something." he finished, shaking his head, and Konan laughed.

"Typical. But you're not nervous _at all?_" she asked desperately. Pain raised his eyebrows at her, and took her head, lifting it up to show her. There were deep nail marks in her palms from squeezing her fists together in nerves.

"You need to relax," Pain suggested, his calm voice alone mellowing her out as he patted her back.

"You're going to be great. I know you will -I've seen you practising. You'll do fine." he said encouragingly, and Konan smiled at him with a sigh.

"I guess so. Thanks. I'm just a little tense.." she said, jumping almost a foot when Sasori suddenly clapped a hand around her shoulders.

"I just heard- classes are suspended after lunch, 'cause the dance performances will take too long, and Tsunade wants it over by curfew."

"_WHAT!" _Konan shrieked, eyes like dinner plates. "Okay, who's got the horse tranquillizer?" Sasori asked, and Pain laughed. Konan spent the entire hour of lunch next to Hidan, not eating and barely talking.

Occasionally she would mutter something hysterically, like "_Why _am I doing this!" or "I want to _die_."

"She doesn't seem to handle stress well, does she?" Itachi asked, earning himself a 'No, duh!' from his friends.

Too quickly for Konan's liking -she'd have preferred _never_- they were walking to the gym, where most of the school was already sitting in the bleachers. It was dark, and a stage had been erected on the left half of the gym.

The theatrical arts students seemed to have played with the lighting a bit, filling the gym with purple and red spotlights. Konan and the others climbed up the bleachers to a free space near the top -the former with shaking knees- and sat down.

"Did somebody bring the camera?" Hidan asked, saying that he didn't want to miss anything while he danced. Well, okay, he said 'bounced his balls around' instead of 'danced'. But, same idea.

"Right here." Pain said, producing it from inside his jacket. Typical, Konan thought with a smile, Pain never seemed to go _anywhere _without his camera. But then again, it probably cost a good three hundred dollars, so she couldn't blame him.

"We're starting..." Kisame murmured as the lights went down except for one spotlight on Tsunade, who was walking across the stage. She caught a mic that Jiraiya had tossed to her, and glared around at the students before speaking.

"Okay people. Today, the fifth and fourth-year gym classes are presenting the dances they've been working on for about a month and a half. I'm really excited to see everyone's hard work paying off, and I'm sure that all of you are, too." she said, with another glare.

"But I don't want to hear any foul language, or booing, or anything like that. Only positive reviews are permitted in _my _school. I want you guys to cheer as loudly as possible for _everybody's _performance, and any kind of screwing around will be met with detention for the rest of the year." She smiled, relaxing, and finished up.

"So, anyways, good luck to the dancers, and have fun!" she said, trotting off stage. Konan didn't miss that the video camera feeding to the big screen that was on the wall had zoomed in onto Tsunade's boobs during the last few minutes of her speech.

Apparently, if Tsunade didn't _see_ the screwing-around, it was okay.

Konan felt another clench of nerves as she realized that she would be on stage soon. In front of _everybody. _In that lovely -yet kind of revealing- purple samba dress. And in _heels. _Asmua jogged up onto the stage and caught the mic.

"Okay, everybody. Up first are the hip-hop and group dances. The sambas will be afterwards." he said quickly before jumping down into the audience again. Konan sighed with relief as Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Kakuzu, as well as a couple people from the row in front of them began to go down the bleachers.

"We'll take pictures!" Konan promised, wishing her friends -who were all in a group dance- good luck. Five minutes later, the lights all went out. Then a spotlight appeared on stage. Konan looked at the big screen, which was zoomed in so you could see the dancers clearer, and saw that it was Hinata and her cousin Neji.

They were facing each other from four feet away, waiting for the music to start. They were both wearing leather, and the funniest thing in the world was Hinata's face: she was blushing worse than Konan.

Hinata was, generally, a modest girl, and being oufitted in a belly-baring bad-ass outfit was probably too much for her. Konan and the others laughed as _My Chick Bad _started to play, and Konan took the camera from Pain, taking some pictures as they danced.

It was really, really good, and the fact that they looked similar just added to how cool it was. There was tumultuous applause as they finished and went off-stage.

Temari and her brother Gaara were up next, doing a hip-hop routine to _Church._

"Is there some kind of pro-incest thing going on with these pairings?" Pain murmured, and Hidan laughed. A couple dances later, the spotlights fell on Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, and Kakuzu.

"Fuck, I love this song!" Hidan grinned as _Outta your mind_ started playing as their friends danced around on the stage.

' _I don't give a _BEEP _I don't give a _BEEP, BEEP _it!' _

Konan laughed as she listened to the frequently beeped-out lyrics as Pain took dozens of pictures.

"I think I know why you love this so much." she called to Hidan, who gave her a thumbs-up. After eight more dances, the others came back up, grinning and looking totally relieved.

"You guys were _amazing_!" Konan said, hugging Deidara as he plopped down into his seat next to her. "Thanks, un. Bloody hell that was crazy, though." he said with a sigh.

A few more dances later, Sasori went down, and danced with Tenten to _I fell in love with the DJ. _Konan was taking pictures that time, since Pain had already gone down with Ino. Sasori was actually a _really _good dancer, and his hips had the best movement out of all the guys so far doing the Samba. Tenten looked pretty, too, with her hair down and wearing a pink feather dress, but Sasori stole the stage, looking absolutely dreamy.

It was probably the lighting, but Konan could have_ sworn _that Sasori kept mouthing words to her. His eyes were locked with hers, and if she looked closely, it looked like he was saying '_Pain loves you' _or _'Pain thinks you're hot' _.

Which was just impossible.

Completely, utterly impossible, so Konan blamed the spotlight for messing up her eyesight.

As soon as Sasori got back, Pain appeared on stage with Ino, as the first few strains of _Hips don't _Lie came through the speakers. Konan looked at Ino first, not wanting to think about what Sasori was so _obviously mistaken _about. Konan took a look at Ino's dress and laughed.

The poor girl in the sewing class: it must have been nearly i_mpossible _to make_ that _dress any more skin-baring than it already was. It had a bikini-bottom front part with a short, feathery bustle at the back. There were angluar shapes cut out in the black fabric everywhere that was possible, along with a very low back and a very low V-neck. Konan shook her head with a grin and looked at Pain.

The camera in her hands threatened to fall to the floor. His shirt. Was open. His black shirt was open. Open open open. And he was wearing tight salsa pants. And the scowl on his face (he _was not _happy) was too sexy for words, when combined with his whole body.

"Yum..." Sasori whispered in her ear, and she half-heartedly punched him in the stomach. She tried three times to get ahold of herself, but her fingers were moving on their own, clicking and clicking and clicking the camera, only on Pain, on his sexy chest, his flat stomach, his butt...

"Pervert." Sasori said in amusement, evidentially noticing her distraction, but she couldn't look away even for a second to frown at him. Finally Pain's turn was over, and Sakura came on stage in a red sequinned dress with matching heels and Sasuke her total opposite in dark blue. They danced a fast-paced tango to a remix of _Cell block Tango. _

"Konan, babe, we gotta go. We're one after these guys." Hidan said, grabbing her and hoisting her out of her chair.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." she said, dropping the camera in Sasori's lap, but her voice wavered.

"Good luck!" Kisame called. They met Pain on their way down the stairs, and he grinned at Konan who blushed, perversely thinking again of his dance outfit. Konan and Hidan scuttled into their respective gender-labelled changerooms to get ready.

Konan was just shoving her feet into the purple deathtraps called stillettos that she was supposed to wear when Sakura came in, panting and breathless, pink in the face.

"Did you see me?" she asked joyfully, and Konan nodded with a tight smile, feeling quite nauseous from nerves. "You were great." she assured the pink-haired girl before she trotted out of the changeroom backstage.

She felt _horrible, _like she'd gotten her period, and she had stomach flu, and she was pregnant all in one. Plus she was wearing the most uncomfortable footwear imaginable. She found Hidan within ten seconds, wearing a similar outfit to Pain's.

"Hey. You look hot." he said shortly, and she copied him in response. Four minutes of feeling ill later, they were ushered on stage. It was dark, but Konan and Hidan found where they were supposed to start.

"I feel totally sick. I feel sick, I feel sick." Konan muttered to Hidan, who started about ten metres away..

"If you fucking upchuck on me, I'll..." Hidan was cut off by the start of the music.

Instinctively, Konan started the routine, her mind whirring as her body moved through the memorized steps: first she kind of swayed her hips and went up and down as Hidan walked towards her.

Then they were together, and as soon as there was a 'BWUNP!' of music, she swung her leg up. There was a huge collective gasp from the audience as her leg went high above her head. Then another 'BWUMP!' and she was bending backwards as Hidan held her leg.

Then another, and she was down, but he pulled her up, and now they walked together downstage, and then they put out their arms, doing the memorized steps, Hidan turning her around as she spinned...

Konan's mind was blank, her body moving on its own. Well, really, her mind wasn't _blank..._it was repeating '_I want to die I want to die I want to die..' _over and over, but whatever. Blank enough. _DJ turn it up, pump it loud, let's get wild, get your freak on the floor, that's what we came here for..._

Finally Konan just moved without thinking, and found that it was a lot more fun; she laughed as she and Hidan did a whole shimmy thing, with her bending over and shaking her shoulders, and him leaning back and doing the same.

The crowd was cheering as they danced and danced, and every so often Konan caught sight of Pain's bright orange hair in the crowd and the flash of a camera. Finally, the song ended with Hidan holding Konan up in a half-splits, and the audience erupted with cheers.

Konan could hear Sasori yelling above the crowd; "THAT'S MY BABY! YEAH BABE! SEXY, GIRL, SEXY! WOO!" Panting, Konan stared up at Hidan, who lifted her up and grinned at her.

"Still feel sick?" he asked, and she nodded silently as they ran off stage. Konan changed in a daze; her mind was still re-running the dance, how awful she had felt, and how much fun it had been, but how scary... She kept subconsciously remembering Pain's face as he watched and cheered.

She gave herself a little shake, telling herself sternly that Pain was _off-limits. _He was in the _friend-zone. _It was just like the Ross and Rachel thing from _Friends. _It would be awkward for everybody else, as well as themselves if they got together...which they wouldn't, because Pain didn't like her that way, and Konan was certain that she would get over her crush before it became anything more than that.

A crush.

A simple little crush that made her feel crazy things like a jolt in her chest when he smiled, or a funny pulsing through her blood when he touched her. She frowned at her reflection in the mirror before she left the room, leaving her costume in the pile of 'worn costumes' as she went.

When she and Hidan got back up to where their friends were sitting, they were immediately blinded by the flash of a camera.

"I just want to say one thing," Sasori said, raising his voice as Konan and Hidan flopped down into their seats, "You guys were _so hot._" he said with a laugh, and everyone cheered.

"You think it was okay?" Konan asked Deidara, who raised his eyebrows at her. Pain snorted from her right, and she looked at him.

"Okay? That's the understatement of the day. You were..." Pain drifted off, realizing not only that she was listening, but also that he didn't know what to say. And then he noticed that everyone else was silent, watching him.

"You were okay." he said finally, and Konan laughed, thanking him.

"That's not what he _really _wanted to say," Sasori said, leaning around Pain to look seriously at Konan. "What he _really _wanted to say is that he thinks that you are mpjhhhph~?" he was cut off as Pain stuffed a hand over his mouth and shoved him away.

"_You _are...I don't even know what to say." he said, glaring at Sasori, who winked at Konan.

"Look at this! He's _blushing!_"

"No way!"

"_I _gotta see this!"

"Move _over!_"

There was a great shoving and pulling as everybody crowded around Pain, who was of course, _not _blushing.

"You're making such a fuss about this, Sasori my man. It's like you're _jealous. _Don't tell me you wanna date _Konan _instead, un." Deidara said into the silence that had momentarily fallen, his tone light and teasing, but Konan could tell that he was actually a little worried. Sasori looked over, confused.

"What?" he asked, surprised, but Deidara said nothing, just watching as Rock Lee waltzed Kusuna into a stupor. Sasori sighed.

"Deidara, you're being stupid."

"Gee, thanks, un."

"No, I mean, I could _never _like Konan like I like you."

"Gee, thanks."

"No offence, Konan. You're hot, and gorgeous, and I love ya, but I love Deidara more. That's all." Deidara turned to look at Sasori.

"Well that was unexpected, un." he said in surprise, and Sasori blinked at him.

"What was?"

"You just said you loved me."

"Yeah...It's true..."

"Yeah, but you said it _out loud _with _other people around._ That's not normal for you, un." Deidara said, a teasing tone to his voice. Konan was, for some reason, beginning to feel a fan-girl squeal coming on. Sasori blushed and looked down.

"Well, I don't know..." he said shyly.

Konan stared.

Pain stared.

Kisame, Itachi, Kakuzu, and Hidan stared.

"He's _blushing! SASORI IS BLUSHING! WHERE THE HELL IS THE CAMERA!" _

That night, Konan lay in bed, thinking of Pain, as usual. But also thinking of Sasori. Because as sensual, teasing, and dreamy as Sasori Akasuna was, she had never thought of him as cute until that night. Because that night he blushed.

The next morning, Konan rolled out of bed in total agony. Her feet had never ever hurt so much before, and her legs were _so _stiff she couldn't believe that all she'd done was dance. It felt like she'd done the cancan in heels for six hours.

After several painful attempts to get dressed properly, she just put on her school pinafore under a big black sweater (to hide the fact that she wasn't wearing anything else) with a pair of leggings (a nightmare to put on) and her slippers. Konan spent the day in pain (haha...in _Pain_...), shuffling through the halls behind her friends who also looked pretty worn out.

Deidara fell asleep against her during lunch, and Sasori was complaining about how much his hips hurt. Itachi seemed fine, but he was the only one. Kisame had a blister on his foot, Kakuzu had sore arms, and Hidan could barely move without swearing his ass off.

Pain was reasonably okay unless he was reminded of his dance partner, and then he would get all moody and sulky, like he had a headache, or he was pouting. Although Hidan told him to get a grip and that he was being immature, Konan secretly thought that it was _really _cute.

That day in gym class, Asuma got the class to sit on the floor and gave a huge speech about how proud he was of them and how well they'd done.

"..So anyways, I've got some prizes up here. There are three award-winners in this class. The recipients were voted on by the staff members, and if you do _not _get an award, it does not by any means mean that you sucked. Everyone's performance was awesome, and you guys are all dancing superstars...or whatever, just don't get pissed. So, the awards in this class...the Best Male Dancer award goes to...Sasori!" he announced, and everybody cheered.

Konan beamed as Sasori stood up and got his award, smirking as Pain's camera flashed.

"Yeah, yeah, congratulations. Now, the next award...for Best Dancing Couple...Konan and Hidan!"

Konan couldn't believe it. Not only had she actually danced, but she was getting an award for it. She didn't move, but Hidan laughed and grabbed her, hoisting her to her feet. That actually caused her a lot of pain, (ha ha Pain again...) but she just reminded herself to hit him later, and went up to get her award.

They both got a little trophy with two golden people dancing together on the top. There was another flash of a camera, and Konan laughed when Hidan did bunny-ears on her head. The rest of gym class was spent lazing around and talking, since Asuma decided that he was sleepy and went to have a nap.

_Teachers...honestly._


	4. Winter Wonderland

Okay, I know this story is moving through the months pretty fast, but don't worry! It's not over for quite some time! :) And oh yeah, this has taken a while to get up because for some reason, it doesn't show when you read it, even though if I do Live Preview, it shows... thanks to Al-theFreak for pointing that out...this is weird. :S

* * *

**Happy Holidays!**

Konan sat shivering in her bed in the middle of the night, on December 16th. There were two feet of snow outside, and the wind was forcing the cold air and snow through the unfixable, unpluggable crack in her window.

She was wearing every sweater she had (two), her woolen tights over leggings, four pairs of thick socks, gloves under woolen mittens, a knitted hat, and she had wrapped the blankets around her. And she was still unbearably cold. Finally, after an hour more of this, she gave up. Gathering all her blankets, and stuffing her feet into her boots, she padded down the hall, wondering who would most likely be awake.

She didn't dare try Sasori's room, because she had a funny feeling that due to the cold, eh and Deidara would be...ah...sharing body heat... and she didn't want to interrupt them. She didn't try Itachi, because she'd seen Kisame sneak in there when she'd gone to fetch an extra blanket from the closet. She also didn't try Kakuzu or Hidan because..._YAaaGH! Is everybody _together _in here? _

Konan took a deep , heart beating loudly and she didn't know why, she silently pushed open the door to Pain's room. She crept in, ready to sprint out immediately. She saw him, and gasped quietly; he didn't seem to be cold at _all! _He was lying on his front, his face sideways on his pillow, one arm flung across the bed, the other one dangling down the side. His blankets only covered most of his legs; his back and shoulders were completely exposed. Konan felt a embarassed blush creep over her cheeks.

She stepped closer, wondering if he'd be mad if she woke him up. And if she did, what would she do? Say 'Hi, I was wondering, could I sleep with you?' No way. She stood there, debating, for almost ten minutes, before, with another sigh, she sat down next to his bed, and huddled around herself, pulling the blankets up over her neck, and burying her face in them. Suddenly, Pain gave an odd, sleepy snort, and his hand dropped down off the bed, hitting her in the cheek. Konan froze; was he awake? She decided that suddenly she didn't care; his hand was _sooooo _warm. Carefully, she removed one of her hands from its glove, and tentatively held Pain's with it. He was so warm...Konan didn't realize she'd fallen asleep, leaning her cheek against the hand she was holding.

About an hour later, Pain woke up, suddenly a little cold. He felt something on his hand, and he looked, and there was a dark figure curled up beside his bed. He frowned, and flicked on his desk light. The second he saw the blue hair, he knew it was Konan. By the looks of it, she must have been freezing; she was wearing her boots, a woolen hat ( that had fallen off), four pairs of thick socks, probably a load of sweaters and shirts, and was wrapped in two blankets and her sheets. Pain grinned; she had probably wanted to wake him up, but had been too shy. He sighed happily, and stepped out of bed, gently sliding his hand out of her if he should sleep with her on the floor or on the bed, he watched her sleep. She looked really peaceful, but the blue tinge to her lips told him otherwise. He suddenly got a huge urge to kiss her, but surpressed it for the moment. He decided that it would be warmer, on the whole, if she slept on his bed. In one fluid motion, he had bent over, scooped her up, and put her down gently on his bed. Her only reaction was to turn her head and mutter something that sounded like 'Turn off the horses'. Pain grinned again, lay down next to her, grabbed his blanket and tucked it around her so the heat wouldn't escape, and then he slowly put his arms around her and closed his eyes. He fell asleep just like that, with Konan curled up beside him, her head next to his on the pillow.

The next morning, Konan opened her eyes very slowly. She wondered drowsily if being so cold last night had just been a dream; she was very warm this morning. Blinking, she realized that her face was inches away from somebody else's collarbones. Heart pounding, she realized that somebody else's arms were around her in a hug. She looked up. Pain's face was very close; Konan could see the reflection of her eye in his piercings. His eyes were closed, and he was very much asleep. His soft breath fanned on her face, blowing her hair slightly. She stared up at him, unsure what to think. She tried to remember what she'd done last night. She'd come into his room, found him asleep, then sat down beside his bed, holding his hand and...fell asleep? So that meant that he must have woken up...seen her...maybe thought she was cold...moved her...and kept her warm. She blushed as she looked at him. This close...he was even sexier then he was far away...Konan squeaked and blushed a furious red when he muttered something and rolled over..._on top of her! _

"Um..." she wasn't sure if she should wake him up, but judging by the fact that she couldn't _breathe, _she decided that for her own safety, she had better sweep her shyness under the rug.

"Pain...Pain! I can't breathe..." He didn't stir. Konan took a deep breath (the biggest she could manage, considering her lungs were being squashed)

"PAIN! _WAKE UP_!" she shouted, and he jumped almost a foot in the air, eyes snapping open. He was so startled, he rolled off of her, straight onto the floor. Konan couldn't help herself, she started laughing. Then, when he looked up and saw her, she laughed harder. She began laughing so hard she couldn't stop. This was no girly titter, or a hee-hee-hee. This was a big, fat _MAN _laugh. _YEah!_

She began laughing at herself, and then laughing about Pain falling off the bed, and then laughing about how she couldn't stop laughing...she kicked her feet and waved her arms above her head, laughing so hard it was beginning to hurt, and the shrieks of laughter were starting to get hysterical. Pain had, by now, picked himself off the floor, and had started to laugh at _her, _because she looked so silly, clutching her stomach and laughing so hard that she began to cry. Konan was worried she would never be able to stop; "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaa..._HAAHA_HAHAHAHAa...HA_HAAAAAA_HAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAaaa..." Then she began to cry from laughter; _"HAAA_HAHAHaaaa..._WAAAAHAHAHaaaa_..._WAAAAAAH_ahahaHAHAHAHA...WAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAAaaaaa-"

She was cut short by a pillow slapping into her face. She clutched it to her face, still laughing. She rolled over, laughing and laughing and laughing until she fell on the floor with a painful thump. She finally stopped laughing, and sat up, breathless, and still a little hysterical. Pain was still laughing, and Sasori was standing there, only wearing boxers, with his hands on his hips, and a early-morning scowl on his face. "I don't really want to know _what _you two were doing, but some things are just _too _noisy to ignore. So shut up." He said, and then left, slamming the door. Konan looked to Pain, who was trying to laugh quietly and was failing. Konan got to her feet, and replaced the pillow back on the bed, blushing slightly.

"I...I'm sorry. For waking you up." she explained when Pain looked at her questioningly. He shrugged and shook his head.

"It's fine. I'm sorry for squishing you." Konan smirked at her feet. And then she remembered.

"Oh, and um...thanks for...uh...letting me...erm...yeah...sorry." she said, and Pain grinned, looking like he was about to laugh again.

"It's fine. But next time you're cold..." Konan looked at him. He grinned at her. "Just wake me up, okay?" Konan grinned back and nodded.

As she left to get dressed, she suddenly realized that she was inexplicably looking _forward _to getting cold at night again. She shook her head at her weirdness, and began the irritatingly long effort of taking off the clothes that had been supposed to keep her warm. They still hadn't done as good a job as Pain's body...Konan blushed furiously, and began telling herself off out loud for being so weird.

"...honestly, anybody would think you thought he was _hot _the way you keep blushing like some moe boy-adoring girl...So what if he's hot? No reason for you to get all _oooohh_ about it...Seriously, you're starting to freak me out, and I'm...you...me...whatever...If you keep acting like that around him, I bet people will start saying you _like _him...Konan and Pain sitting in a tree..K-I-S-S-_OHmIGoD!" _

Konan had just flung the door open, and there stood Pain, looking _veryy _amused.

"...I-N-G?" he finished, raising his eyebrows, and Konan flushed dark red, told him to wait a moment, she'd forgotten something, slammed the door, dropped her bags and yelled really _really _loud in the man-voice she'd been practising after getting teased about her girly shriek.

"!"

She shook herself, threw some books around the room, picked up her bags, opened the door with a winning smile, and began to walk briskly to her first class, which, fortunately, wasn't with Pain..._OHGODIMSCREWED..._Konan was muttering angrily to herself all through the day, warning herself about the dangers of talking out loud.

"You know...you're talking to yourself..." Deidara told her awkwardly during lunch, and she thanked him for warning, her, then continued to do the exact same thing.

It was gonna be a long day.

* * *

Decorations for the Christmas Holidays began. Classes were stringing holly around, and creating christmas trees of almost everything -Tsunade's Christmas Craft Idea was that not a single _real _tree be used, so classes were making them out of everything else; paper, metal, wood, fabric, wire, string, cardboard, fur, plastic, clay, and almost everything in between. The only irritating factor to these decorations was that people began clumping beneath the mistletoe, making it awfully difficult to pass through halls un-kissed.

Ino was the worst. She would leave classes early, saying she was getting water one minute before the bell, then leap under the nearest mistletoe in the direction she knew Sasuke would be taking (she had memorized his schedule) Itachi was laughing as he told them that his little brother had started getting to classes late by specifically taking the longest route there, or leaving the classroom really late.

Normally, Konan would have asked why he couldn't just walk under the mistletoe without kissing Ino, if there was a huge hoard of people around, but after watching Deidara walk under one he hadn't seen, with a random second year going the other way, she knew it was impossible; Shizune (the one who had made these ingenious devices) had used motion sensors to detect two people meeting under the ugly-looking plant. As soon as both got within a foot of each other, tall metal walls would shoot out of the walls on either side of them, with a carefully painted message; _Kiss and the walls will go away. _If they didn't get less than an inch away from each other within thirty seconds, the walls started closing in, squishing them into a kiss. And then they would go down. But not before.

Konan had not really minded the mistletoe, because she wasn't too concerned about kissing anybody, and she never got stuck within the walls. But poor Deidara had walked unawares into the mistletoe trap, and was forced to kiss the little second year girl. He had spent the entire next class apologizing to Sasori, who was sulking. Konan had solved their little fight by dragging them both into her room, and locking them in, telling them to make up and make out, or she would leave them in there and prop a chair against the door connecting to Deidara's room. It had, of course, worked, because Konan knew that no matter how much he flirted with her and everybody else, Sasori loved Deidara too much to _really _get mad at him, and she also knew that Deidara loved Sasori too much to _let _him stay angry at him. Problem solved.

On December 18th, Konan was walking innocently down the hall with Sasori and Itachi, on the way to choir (her class would be performing on the last day of school before the winter break) when she spotted the students coming towards them. She saw Pain loping towards her, and she waved. Neither of them, in fact nobody except Sasori had noticed the mistletoe that was sneakily positioned above them like a ninja.

"Hey, where are you-" Konan began before she was cut off by Sasori, who pushed her ahead of everybody. She careened forwards, and seemed to have forgotten how to get her balance back, when Pain automatically (he ended up catching her a lot) reached out and pushed her upright again, grinning. Until the familiar squeak of metal sliding into place interrupted the chattering gaggle of students. Konan looked around, wondering who was stuck in the box...until she realized it was her. And Pain. Oh crap, crap crap. Konan didn't know what she was doing; she seemed to be looking everywhere else but at him, and she jumped in shock when she heard Sasori's voice above the silence that seemed to have abruptly fallen as soon as the metal walls had cut off the stream of students.

"Hey! Konan! Hurry up and kiss him! I hate waiting!" he said, and Konan froze. She looked slowly up at Pain, who was looking at her with an expression on his face that clearly read; _Do you wanna...uh...? _Konan blushed. She was about to move towards Pain to get it over with, when the walls of the box started moving towards them, squashing them against each other. Konan gasped as she began to have trouble breathing, squashed against Pain's chest. She looked up, and their eyes met. Konan's desperate, his...they had that same odd _something _in them as they always did. Konan suddenly didn't care if he freaked out. She liked him, and she was getting crushed, so what the hey. She stood on her toes, and closed her eyes. She was so close...and then she lost her nerve.

She was about to open her eyes again, when his lips suddenly crashed onto hers, kissing her softly. Konan froze. He had kissed her. He had kissed her. And what was she doing? Standing there like an idiot. She mentally slapped herself, and then began to kiss him back. He grinned, then kissed her deeper, fiercer. The box, for some weird reason, didn't stop squashing them, and Konan gasped as the walls sqashed her hips painfully against him. Pain seized the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth. She didn't stop him, although she got a weird idea to bite it. She finally got used to the kind of gross thing in her mouth, and shivered when he slid his tongue along her own. She had never kissed a guy before (embarassing, at sixteen), so she wasn't used to these things, but she kissed him back as best as she could, trying to make him understand that she really _really _liked this. Even though it felt weird. That was probably because his piercings were really cold against her face.

She tried to put her arms around him, but accidentally put her hands up his shirt by mistake. Or _accidentally-on-purpose. _Whichever. He didn't seem to mind- he threaded his fingers in her hair. She was starting to get dizzy and breathless, partly because the air was being squashed out of her lungs, and partly because she just couldn't believe that this was actually happening to her. Suddenly, Shizune's voice came over the intercom;

"Uh, sorry...to the people stuck in the mistletoe box...it seems to have overheated, or something, so...so I need to check that out! Just...ah...I'll tell your teachers that you might be really...really late to class...so, um, get comfortable!" Konan _was _comfortable. Sort of. The fact that her knees were squashed against Pain's didn't matter compared to what was happening.

Konan had decided that she had a huge crush on her friend in mid-October. She had done her very best to keep it as unknown as possible from him, because she thought that if he knew, it would make things awkward. And yet here he was, making out with her when they could be just squashed. Not making out. But they were. The voice in Konan's head was cheering. _OH YEAH! WHO ROCKS! WHO'S MAKING OUT! WHO'S MAKING OUT WITH SEXY-PAIN! OH YEAH! IT'S ME! WOOT WOOT WOOT! _

Konan eventually had to pull away to try and breathe. She was breathless as she looked up at Pain, who was staring down at her with the same..._something..._that he alwayd did.

"I love you." he said, hugging her in the tight space. Konan stared at his shirt (the only thing she could see) _Wha-a-a-a-at? WHAAAAT? Love...l-o-v-e her? Wha-a-a-aaaaAA? _

"What?" Konan finally asked, her quiet voice muffled by his chest. He laughed (banging her head vaguely against the wall as he did so) and made her look at him. Her face was full of confusion (also she was blushing like a tomato. But that's normal), and his was filled with amusement and The _something. _Konan had been calling it The _something _for a long time.

"I love you. I love you, Konan." he said, grinning at her, his hands still in her hair. She blinked. Well, it didn't _seem _like a slip of the tongue. She frowned slightly.

"You...love me?" she asked, making sure that he meant what he said. He sighed, and kissed her quickly, sliding one hand down to her back to pull her closer (were it possible, as Konan's boobs were _already _compressed to about two sizes smaller.) Accentuating almost every word with a kiss, he said (in a very convincing voice); "I-Love-You,-Konan-Amega." Then he pulled away and looked at her, still looking amused.

Konan was looking at him, thinking.

"Well, I don't _think _that you're just having fun and completely stealing my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh kisses. And you _don't _look like you've sustained a major head injury. Soo..." she broke into the elated, beaming smile she'd been trying to supress all through her sentance. She brought his head down, laughing at his surprised face as she kissed him. He, of course, kissed her back, and they were back to making out in a tight space. Finally, Konan pulled away again, looking at him shrewdly.

"How long do you think you've been in l-o-v-" Pain cut her off with a laugh.

"Well...you _really _want to know?" Konan thought.

"As long as you don't say 'last week', yes, I want to know." Pain laughed again.

"What a coincidence, it _was _last week!"

"Really?"

"No, silly. Well, when I first saw you asleep in drawing, I thought you were really pretty." Konan blushed, looking down. "And then when you woke up, you were really funny and smart..." Konan blushed more, still staring at the bottom-left-corner of the tiny box. "But...I _think..._that it was when I saw you in that sexy samba dress that I _really-" _Konan interrupted him with a sharp poke, and he laughed.

"Well. I'll be sure to take every precaution to make sure that you _never _see me wearing something like that ever again." she said sternly, and he laughed and pretended to beg her to change her mind.

"So...what are you going to tell everybody else?" Konan asked, and Pain frowned.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"I _mean, _are you going to tell them that we spent most of the time that we were trapped in here making out...(Konan blushed furiously)...or are you going to tell them that we just stood here, squished, until Shizune _finally _remembers we're in here and gets us out?" (Konan suspected that Shizune had already forgotten that there were two trapped students blocking one of the main hallways. Pain shrugged.

"Well...we could _not _tell them that we...Are we dating?" he asked, and Konan raised her eyebrows.

"Well _I _don't know. You haven't asked me out yet." Pain laughed, then took one of her hands in both of his solemnly.

"Konan Amega...?" Konan stifled a giggle with her other hand. Pain continued as if he was asking her to marry him.

"Would you do me the extreme honour of being my girlfriend?" Konan paused to think, already knowing what she would say, but she felt like prolonging the moment.

"Uhm...let me think...ah...er...um...Well...I _suppose _that I could do you that honour..." she said, and Pain sighed. Konan frowned.

"What?" He looked down at her, looking sad.

"Well, if you don't actually _want _to..." Konan was amazed that he had taken her seriously, for once.

"You idiot!" she said, and he laughed as she forced him down and kissed him fiercely. She broke away quickly, still keeping his face close to hers.

"What made you think I'd say _no? _I've been _crazy _about you since October, and you thought I'd say _no?_ Does Cinderella say _no _to Prince Charming? Does Emily say _no _to Victor?" Konan asked dramatically.

"No, but Emily was dead, and Victor was already engaged, so...it didn't work out." Pain objected, but Konan just flapped her hand at the interruption.

"Oh, poo. It doesn't matter, as long as _you _promise not to dump me in two weeks." Pain laughed.

"_Two? _How about in _sixteen hundred thousand _weeks?" he asked, kissing her quickly. Konan sighed.

"Okay. I'll circle it on my calandar as the day my world collapses into dust." she said, and kissed him, still laughing.

Let's just say, it was a _long _time until they were freed from the metal box. But neither of them minded that much...

* * *

They ended up completely missing their class, and they still arrived a little late for lunch. They grabbed what was left, and made their way to their normal table. On the way, Konan overheard Ino gossiping, and scowled.

"...apparently, she fucked him right there in the mistletoe makeout booth! Yeah! Yeah, I know. I think she might have broken it on _purpose..._" Konan kicked the leg of Ino's chair, making her spill juice all down her shirt.

"Oh...sorry.." Konan said, and kept walking, Pain laughing next to her. When they sat down, there was a huge tumolt of whistling and applause. Konan, who had sat between Pain and Sasori, was seriously regretting not sitting next to somebody else; Sasori was pelting her wuith questions like; "So, did you break the walls on purpose, or did they _really _break by themselves?" "Wow, making out for _more _than two hours...I'm not sure that even _I _can top that!""Are you two dating now, or is it an affair?" "Konan doesn't really _need _her room now, does she? I could put my junk in there, 'cause she'll be in your room, right, Pain?" and "I'm so glad all my matchmaking efforts weren't in vain." Konan finally told him to shut up, and he laughed.

In gym classs, when Konan was changing, Sakura came up to her and asked nervously if it was true that she was dating Pain. Konan sighed happily.

"Well...he did ask me out, and I said yes, soo...yes! Yes I am. I am Pain's girlfriend." Konan said proudly. Somehow just saying that, and knowing that he loved her made her feel happier than the thought that dance was over, and it was dodgeball now. Sakura hugged her.

"I'm really happy for you, Konan! I was so sure that he liked you! And good one, on Ino's shirt...!" she said in a stage whisper, and Konan laughed. They left the changeroom, and sat down with the rest of the class. Asuma was, as usual, sitting on his chair.

"Okay. Because we had to hold the dance show two weeks early, (because Neji and Hinata were going away, and didn't want to miss it) Term 3 for gym has officially started. Dodgeball." he said, twirling a medium-sized red ball between his hands. "We're gonna play several different kinds of dodgeball, and then have a tournament at the end of the term. The team that wins gets to have a pool party." Everybody cheered, except Konan, who had never learned to swim properly.

Finally, Asuma split the class up into two sides of 18, and they separated to either side of the gym. Asuma laid out six dodgeballs in the centreline, explained that they would first play old-fashioned dodgeball; you get hit neck down, you're out. Catch the ball, the other person's out. Konan wasn't too nervous; although she couldn't throw _far, _she had once given a boy a black eye with a beachball, which is pretty hard to do. She could also dodge quite well. She reviewed her team while Asuma explained the rules; Sakura, who was really strong, Pain, who could apparently throw a dodgeball across a soccer field, Sasori, who had the best aim in the class, Naruto, who was...energetic...and a load of other fifth year girls and fourth year people Konan didn't know. But, they would probably do okay. Hidan was on the other team, however, with Sasuke, Ino (who was good at dodging, darn her) and some of the others, who Konan remembered as being good at volleyball. Asuma blew his whistle, and they all sprinted forwards to grab the balls (_lol)_.

It was starting to be the most violent game of dodgeball Konan had ever participated in. A tiny fourth year girl was sent off with a broken nose. Several people had almost thrown up from a ball to the stomach. Konan herself had hit a fifth year girl in the back of the head by mistake. Konan had just gone to get a ball from the back of the court, and when she turned around, a ball that seemed to be going sixty miles an hour hit her straight in the chest. She had caught it, so she wasn't out, but _DAMN _that hurt! A few boys laughed (she had been hit right in the boobs), but her eyes were glued on the one who had hit her; a fourth-year boy who was laughing loudly. Konan was seething; he had _purposely _hit her there, for _fun! _God, boys are irritating! They obviously don't know how much a ball to the boob hurts!

She ran forwards, and with a loud snarl that was most unlike her, she released the ball hard and fast. Luckily, he wasn't that far away, so her short-distance power was in full force. The boy's eyes rolled up in pain, as he keeled over; she had hit him _directly _in the balls. All the girls laughed, while all the boys looked pityingly at the collapsed fourth-year. Konan strode over to Pain, humming happily.

"Remind me never to hit you in the chest, would you?" he asked, and Konan laughed. As the game wore on, all the mediocre players were gone, leaving Konan (who was amazed, and quite scared that she was still on), Pain, Sasori, Naruto, Sakura, and several fast fourth year girls on their side, and Hidan, Ino, Sasuke, a fourth year Konan knew to be Rock Lee, Temari, and a couple fourth year boys and fifth year girls. Asuma had turned on the sound system, and Motley Crue was thundering out of the fuzzy speakers. Konan couldn't help singing along as it went; _GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! red lips, fingertips, GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! _

Konan snatched up a ball, aimed, and threw it at Ino. It caught her in the stomach, and she went down with a girly squeal. Next second, Sasuke had aimed for Sakura, who had dodged it quickly. Then Hidan got Sasori in the chest, and Naruto was hit by Rock Lee. Konan hit Hidan on the arm, and he went off with quite a bit of swearing, earning him twenty pushups. Sakura finally ran forwards, yelled _CHA! _(which made Konan giggle) and got Sasuke out. Pain got out Lee, and several other fourth years. Finally, there was one left. Sakura got him out, and they won. Asuma made a few changes, so Sasori was on the other team in exchange for two lame players. Then they started again...

Konan sighed as she took off her gym strip; she was going to be _covered _in bruises the next morning.

* * *

Konan was beginning to get stressed out for various innocent reasons; first of all, the school was closing for the two-week holiday in three days, and she had nowhere to go. She had considered begging Tsunade to let her stay at school, but the thought of sitting in her drafty room with hardly any food and no heating was too horrbile to think about. She couldn't stand the idea of asking her friends if she could stay with them, because she didn't want to intrude. And her father, being the family man that he is, had gone off to Paris, probably to indulge himself with a new girlfriend or something. And her mother...was not allowed long-term visiters in the mental state she was in. So Konan would probably end up sleeping outside a gasstation on Christmas eve. The second reason that she was losing it was that her choir would be performing on stage during the school's Christmas closing ceremonies, and she had foolishly signed up for a solo. Not just any solo. She would be singing _I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus..._ALL BY HER FREAKING SELF! (except the chorus, naturally) _Shit! _

_And_ there was a christmas dance party on the last day, too. And you could only get in if you found out who your secret santa is; and it could be _anybody _in the school! Konan shook her head. Secret santa presents were handed out this afternoon. There was a very strict procedure to how to find out who your secret santa is; if you were caught telling _anybody -_anybody at all, even your socks- you were disqualified, and had to rake out the ash from every fireplace in the whole school. There was one hint in the card sent by the secret santa, and it had to be something _incredibly _vague; not like, 'I sit next to you in drawing.'. It had to be something like; I'm the last person on earth you would sleep with' or, 'I secretly had a crush on you two years ago.' So you basically had to ask around and figure out who it was before the last day, the day of the dance, or you wouldn't get in. And not getting in meant basically, not seeing all your friends one last time before the doors of the school shut for two weeks. Konan was worried; what if she had _no idea whatsoever _who her secret santa was? What if her hint was so awful that _somebody else _couldn't figure out that their secret santa was _her? _

Konan groaned and put her head in her hands. And then she looked up, embarassed, having completely forgetten that it was 'silent reading'. She began reading her book again (she hadn't looked at the pages since ten minutes ago). It wasn't that it was a bad book, that wasn't it at all. She loved _Bad girls don't die. _She was just so preoccupied that she had forgotten that she was actually supposed to be _doing _something, instead of staring at the ceiling in distress.

* * *

"Hey, how's the singing going? Ready to rock the world?" Pain asked teasingly, sliding an arm around her as they walked to lunch. Konan snorted.

"Oh, _yeah. _Totally. I am ready. You just wait. This world is gonna rock so much, you'll probably wake up in Australia." she said, and he laughed. He always laughed, and that was probably one of Konan favourite things about him. Besides the innocent facts that he was hot, a great kisser, and she didn't call him _SEXY-PAIN _in her head for nothing.

"So, where are you going during the holidays?" Pain asked casually, and Konan wondered if she should tell the truth, and beg for a place to stay, or just...pretend she had somewhere. She decided on the latter, to save what dignity she had.

"Oh, uh, I'm...staying with a friend." Pain nodded, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes as they pushed through the stream of students.

"Cool. I'm staying at Sasori's place. He and Deidara put their money together (Deidara's family's pretty rich) and bought some kind of apartment."

"Sounds fun." Konan said, nodding as they grabbed lunch and made their way to their usual table. "So, I can't believe you forgot." Konan said, grinning as Pain looked confused.

"Forgot what?" he asked, and she gasped in fake scandilization.

"You forgot our _anniversary! _Our one-week anniversary, silly! How _could _you!" she asked hysterically. Pain looked at her shrewdly, and then he laughed.

"Dear God, how could I have done such a thing! I'd better repent."

"You'd _better._" Konan said, laughing as Pain pretended to clutch his chest and fake-scream _I'm SORRY!_

"No, but I actually didn't forget." he said casually when he was done. Konan was surprised.

"Really? I would've thought that one week wasn't that important." she said, and Pain grinned.

"Yeah, I know. But still. Happy anniversary, darling." he said, in a 60's sitcom voice.

"Oh, John dear, you remembered!" Konan said, playing along and hugging him, dropping her apple onto a first year's head by mistake. After retrieving it with a flurry of apologies, and telling Pain to shush (he had been howling with laughter), Konan briskly walked across the hall and sat down next to Deidara.

"Hey! You excited to dress up as Santa?" she asked teasingly (on the last day of school, _everybody _had to dress up as something Christmasy, or Hannukah-esque. Just dress up, basically. Konan was considering being a candycane, or an elf. Deidara shook his head.

"No...I think I'll be a reindeer instead, yeah." he said. Sasori, who had heard, leaned over.

"Yeah, Dei-baby, be a reindeer..._way _cuter." he said, with a wink. Deidara looked at him, grinning.

"Yeah, Sasori. What were you being again? Oh I remember. A Gingerbread man, right? _Sooo _sexy, yeah." he said, and Konan and Pain roared with laughter.

The Secret Santas were picked in gym. Everybody got changed, anticipating some violent dodgeball, but they sat down, ten feet from each other, as Asuma walked around and handed out slips of paper with a name a photo of the student that they would have to write a clue for and give a kiss to (instead of a gift, there was a kiss-on-the-cheek thing. St Misery's a weird school. Enough said.) Asuma blew his whistle, and everybody unfolded their papers. There were a few cheers, but mostly groans as everybody looked at their paper. Konan looked at hers sadly; Sasuke Uchiha. At least she knew him. It wasn't that bad. Everybody stuffed their papers into their pockets and bags, and lined up for dodgeball.

During the game, Konan was distracted, not being able to help wondering who had gotten her. She was so distracted, that she was hit directly in the face by Ino. She went off, and when Sasori, Hidan, Pain, and Sakura all aimed at Ino at once, and she went down with a shriek, Konan came back on (they were playing a variation of dodgeball), only to be gotten off again by Naruto. She shook her head when Pain pointed at Naruto, as if to say _want to come on again? _Konan wasn't in the mood to get black and blue again. She was to preoccupied about thinking of something that only _she _would know to write as Sasuke's hint. She finally decided on the fact that Ino had once stolen a pair of his boxers, and kept them under her pillow. Sakura had told her this, and had also said that only Sasuke, Ino, and herself knew this. And now Konan did. It shouldn't be _too _hard for Sasuke to figure out that Sakura had told her, but it wasn't easy, because Sasuke didn't know Konan knew. So it was perfect.

The next morning in the first class, the teachers handed out everybody's hints. Konan unfolded hers nervously. And then she gasped loudly, making a few people stare at her. She didn't care, she was staring at the paper in disbelief; how could _anybody _know this without reading her mind? She re-read the clue again and again, still not understanding how anybody could possibly know this about her. _Konan; you call your boyfriend SEXY-PAIN in your mind. _Konan could not believe it. How could this be happening? She had never ever ever ever _ever _said SEXY-PAIN out loud. How could anybody know?

Her head snapped up as somebody in the first row (Tenten) asked Kurenai if they could discuss clues with people, and Kurenai said yes, as long as they didn't quote the clue exactly. Konan bit her lip thoughtfully; her secret santa had known that Pain was her boyfriend (Oh yeah! Who's SEXY-PAIN's girlfriend? That's right! Me! Boo-yah!), but that wasn't too hard to figure out, since the story of the mistletoe make-out had travelled across the school like wildfire (small school's suck for things like that). So he or she didn't neccisarily _have _to know her personally to know that. But in order for them to have gotten close enough to hear her saying SEXY-PAIN, they would have to be in at least one of her classes. So that narrowed it down to the fifth and fourth years. And, Konan thought, examining the writing more closely, it was most likely a boy, or a very careless girl, judging by the laziness of the knew the writing of most of her friends...Hidan's drunken scrawl, Itachi's perfect lettering, Pain's...what was Pain's writing like again? Konan's eyes widened; she _didn't _know most of her friends' writing! So it could be one of them. But it could also be somebody she'd never spoken to before...Konan sighed; this was going to be _soooo _complicated. At break, she started her research. She grabbed Hidan, and began to interrogate him.

"Hidan,"

"What, Konan-bitch?"

"Have you ever heard me say something..._weird_...about Pain?" Hidan frowned.

"Like, 'what the fuck, Pain, you dick?' No." Konan rolled her eyes, and let him go, deciding that it _probably _wasn't him. That left her with...Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, Kakuzu, Kisame...and almost everybody else in fifth and fourth year. Perfect.

Konan lay face-down on her bed with a disappointed sigh; she hadn't gotten any closer to figuring out that she called Pain SEXY-PAIN in her head. She might as well just give up...Konan rolled over with another sigh and- fell off her bed.

"OW!" She shouted, sitting up and rubbing her shoulder, which she'd banged on her bedside table. Deidara opened their connecting door, and walked in with a yawn.

"Hey Konan. You okay?" Konan groaned as she crawled back onto her bed.

"No..." she grumbled, and Deidara sat down on the floor, evidentally wanting more of an explanation. Konan sighed and rolled over again, careful this time to stay _on _the bed.

"I just hit my shoulder on a table falling off my bed, I have a solo to sing in two days that I'm freaking out over, and I can't figure out who my secret santa is."

"That sucks, yeah." Deidara said bluntly. Konan grinned, in spite of herself.

"Yeah, it does." _And I still didn't mention the fact that I'm gonna be alone at Chrismas, _she thought to herself negatively, but shooed the thought away.

"Well, I could try help you with your Secret Santa, if you help me with mine, yeah." Deidara suggested, and Konan said sure, so they both sat on her floor and sighed. Konan went first.

"Okay. So my secret santa...I've narrowed it down to being a boy or a girl in the fifth or fourth year, possibly one of our friends...but possibly not. Most likely in at least one of my classes." Deidara stared at her.

"That's not really narrowing it down at _all, _yeah." Konan laughed hollowly, and said 'I know.'

"So, the clue is basically something that I call somebody in my head. Like Hidan calling me Konan-bitch. Imagine if he only said that in his head, not out loud. How the hell did somebody find out what I call that person?" Konan asked desperately. Deidara looked bemused.

"I have no idea, yeah. Are you sure you've never _ever _said it out loud without realizing it?" Konan grinned.

"Well, if I have, I haven't realized it, have I?" Deidara laughed.

"Well, I'm not sure if this helps, but sometimes, you talk in your sleep, yeah." Konan froze. And then it all made sense. She leapt up and hugged Deidara, cheering.

"THANKYOU! Thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou _thankyou! _I still don't know who it is, but at least I'm pretty kind-of vaguely certain that it's one of us! YAYY!" Deidara laughed.

"Good. Now that you're cheered up, you can help me, yeah." Konan nodded seriously.

"So, my secret santa hint is pretty vague. It's basically saying that whoever is my secret santa knows about a certain...thing...I have. Like, if somebody knew that you have your tattoo. Or that Hidan has a permanent scar on his ass. You know, something like that? So this person knows that I have it, but I don't really show a lot of people, and I doubt he'd really see it, seeing as I don't really take my shirt off, yeah." Konan frowned.

"What about in gym? Wouldn't they see it when you changed? Or here, when you shower? When you sleep?" Deidara suddenly grinned.

"Hey! Thanks, Konan! I think I might know who it is now, yeah!" He left, with another thanks and a good-luck-on-your-practically-hopeless-case. Konan grinned; if she had said it in her sleep, than it _had _to be one of her friends who had written the note. Perfect.

* * *

During lunch, every single one of her friends were commplaining about their secret santa hints.

"What in the mothafuckin' _world _is this stupid assface _talking _about! I've _never _fucking done that!" Hidan shouted furiously as Itachi and Kisame sighed, both also having procured rather impossible Secret Santa hints.

"What's yours like?" Konan asked Pain, and he sighed.

"Well, it's pretty confusing," he admitted. "My clue is pretty random. It's like...let's say it was for you." Konan nodded. "Then it would be like, 'You fold your origami flower out of 100% recycled paper'" Konan frowned.

"But...how would they know that?" she asked, and Pain sighed.

"I _know! _It's driving me crazy." he sighed before Sasori pounced on them.

"Soooo, how're your secret santa things going?" he asked slyly. Konan and Pain sighed heavily, and Sasori laughed.

"You better hurry up, idiots, because we've all gotta go to the dance together!" he said enthusiastically, then went off to throw his lunch garbage away. Konan was left to her own, irritated thoughts before she was tapped on the shoulder. She looked up, and it was Sasuke.

"Are you my secret santa?" he asked, and Konan nodded, flabbergasted. _How the heck did he find that out so quickly? Is he some kind of freakin' GENIUS! _Konan sighed, stood up, kissed him on the cheek, and he walked away as she sat down, scowling. Pain raised an eyebrow.

"One week and you're already cheating on me? Tsk tsk, Konan." he said, shaking a mocking finger at her, and she shook her head with a smile.

"_Oh_, yes. I'm having an affair. Sorry to drop such a bombshell." she said teasingly, and Pain gasped in mock-horror before Konan kissed him on the cheek. Pain snaked his arms around her, preventing her from pulling away. She was quite squished, and didn't bother trying to eat; it would probably only fall on her lap, due to the unfortunate angle of her arm.

"Get a fucking room, horny bastards!" Hidan called from down the table, and Pain laughed.

"That's okay, Hidan. I like it fine here, but thanks for your concern." he said, and the others laughed. Then Konan remembered her secret santa; she had only asked Hidan so far! She broke free of Pain's grip after explaining that it was important, and began walking around the table, asking people if they'd either ever heard her sleeptalk, or if they'd heard her call Pain something weird. All of them said no, except one: Sasori was smirking as he said that he'd heard her sleeptalk, _and _call Pain something weird. Konan grinned and sat down next to him, excited that she might not have to strain her brain every hour over the Secret Santa again.

"You have? Really? Do you...remember what it was I said?" she asked, and Sasori nodded, grinned.

"_Oh, _yeah, _I _remember." he said, raising his eyebrows at her teasingly. She was on the edge of the bench, hoping that Sasori would be the one...

"You called Pain _SEXY-PAIN _in your sleep." Sasori said loudly. Konan felt like she'd been hit with a brick. And then she blushed like a firetruck, looked straight at her knees, and punched Sasori in the ribs. He coughed on his salad, and she grinned in vindictive glory. _That IDIOT! I bet EVERYBODY heard that! Pain did, at least..._Konan raised her eyes very very slowly, head still bent, face still hidden by her hair...and...Pain was grinning. He was resting his elbows on the table, hands over his mouth as he rested his head on them, but he was definately grinning.

Konan blushed even _more _furiously when Sasori leaned over, whispered 'I'm your secret santa, Sunshine.' and kissed her on the cheek. By then, most of her friends were laughing so loudly that other tables had looked around to see what was so funny. Konan finally decided to move. She stood up, face bright red, and walked stiffly back to her seat beside Pain. She sat down next to him (albeit about two feet away) and stared once again at her knees. _How dare that little PISSMOUTH say SEXY-PAIN so loud? It was my SECRET name for Pain! Not something I wanted broadcast across the entire SCHOOL! YARRRRGH! _

Konan had barely realized that she had seized hold of Sasori's imaginary head, and was making violent gestures in the air with it as she muttered things like '_beat him to a pulp,' _and, '_...rue the day he EVER heard me say SEXY-PAIN...' _Pain finally interrupted these sessions of violence by dragging her back next to him, and turning her to face him. He was still grinning as he began drumming a little on her knees (a kind of cute habit he'd developped).

"Are you embarassed?" he asked in a teasing voice, and Konan scowled.

"Well _duh! _It's not every day you find out that something that was _supposed _to stay in your head was discovered while you slept, and then announced to practically _everybody _you talk to." she huffed, and Pain grinned.

"Well, would it make you feel any better if I told you what _I _call _you _in my head?" Konan's interest was piqued.

"Is it funny? Or is it like Konan-bitch?" she asked, using Hidan's nickname for her (if you could call it that) as an example of _not _funny names for herself. Pain grinned.

"Don't worry. It's not like that." Konan grinned as Pain took a deep breath.

"I call you...Hottie-Konan." he said bashfully. Konan choked on her juice.

"E-excuse me?" she asked, laughing. Pain laughed, too and slung his arm over her shoulders.

"I'm not saying it again out loud until _you _call me sexy-Pain." Konan blushed.

Dang it.

* * *

Konan opened her eyes. It was 7am, the last day of school before the holidays. It was probably going to be the last time she was relatively warm before the holidays, too. She had taken to sleeping in Pain's room, because hers got much too cold at night. Every time, she would sit down next to his bed, freezing, and fall asleep, and then every morning, she would wake up nice and warm because he'd woken up and moved her up onto the bed with him. This morning was no different. Pain was asleep, his arm across her waist and his head barely two inches away from hers. Konan sighed; she wasn't looking forward to leaving the warmth of the bed; the floors were icy, and the shower took at least two minutes to heat up sufficiently to step in without shrieking.

Konan sighed once more, and then scooted down, worming her body down the bed, sliding free of his loose grip around her waist. She fell out the back of the bed with a thump, indignant; _what kind of bed doesn't have a backboard, or whatever the thing at the end that stops you falling out is? _She got to her heavily-socked feet, and crept out of the room, glancing back once more, grinning, at Sexy-Pain's sleeping form. She walked silently to her room, locked the door, grabbed her towel and soap, stepped into the bathroom, put up the _Don't come in, asshole! _sign she'd made a few weeks back, stripped, turned on the shower, and stepped in when steam began rising. She sighed with gratitude as the hot water showered upon her.

Today was the day. Today was the day that she was going to sing _I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus _practically by herself. Today was the day that she would get her first report card of the school year (gym and all the other courses had like six to nine terms, but marked half of them together so they'd only have to organize two report cards. It was weird, but less stressful; if you sucked at something in term one, you'd only have to do it for a month or so, then move on to something else you might be good at, to bring your mark up.) Today was also the day that she would leave St Misery's with some of her stuff, and go and find a place to stay. Maybe she could stay in a hostel, if she volunteered to clean the bathrooms without pay. Urgh. Konan grimaced as she stepped out of the shower, now clean, and grabbed her towel. She didn't want to lavish herself with self-pity, but she wasn't looking forward to spending Christmas Eve behind a dumpster. Not fun.

She counted all the presents she'd bought/made and smiled; seven. She stuffed them under the mini dorm Christmas Tree. They would all take theirs home and unwrap them on Christmas. Konan was quite pleased with herself; she'd wrapped the presents with paper she'd made herself, so they looked rather pretty and hand-made. Of course, she'd ruined the effect with plastic stick-on decorations, but nevermind. Konan stepped back into her room, and took out the outfit she was supposed to wear for the choir performance. Classes had all been cancelled, and there was a long assembly with performances by the dance, drama, music and choir classes and Tsunade's 'special surprise'.

Konan held up the outfit. It wasn't bad. It was...festive. That was the only adjective she could think of as she looked at the Snowflake-esque clothes. There were sheer white stockings, shiny grey pumps (why did she have to wear heels! Damn the fashion design student who had thought of this!), sheer white elbow-length gloves, two silver metal flower hair clips (Konan's favourite part of the outfit), and a pale, pale grey dress that looked kind of greek. It was above-knee length, and it had an empire waist, and no sleeves or straps. It was quite pretty, and it hung off her body in a way that made Konan want to spin around so it would fly out like a big skirt does. It wasn't too tight or low-cut or anything, so it wasn't bad. Konan put it all on, and looked in the mirror. She laughed out loud; it would've looked _way _better on a blonde, even Ino-bitch; her bright blue hair was a little off-setting compared to the silver and white. But it was kind of a cute outfit; Konan felt like she was going to be in a play or a pageant instead of a simple choir performance. She was just starting to take back her accusations on the designer's sanity, when the door to Deidara's room opened, and Sasori walked out (uh huh. What were _they _doing last night? :3) shirtless, wearing only his plaid boxers (which were a little low.)

Konan coughed pointedly and looked away. Sasori (who had probably not noticed her standing there) jumped, pulled them up, and looked at her. And then he grinned.

"Wait right there, sugarplum fairy. We need this outfit on film." And then he dashed out of the room to grab the camera. Konan rolled her eyes and began putting on her blue eyeshadow and black eyeliner, and fixing her labret. As she looked at the outfit again, she decided that the only thing it was missing was a wand. And maybe some wings. Sasori returned, still grinning, and ordered her to stand up. She did so, grinning as he took pictures. He handed the camera to her after, saying he was having a shower. Konan sighed, and reviewed the lyrics to the song she would be singing in two hours. In front of the whole, fat, stinking school. _GAAAAAHH! _Konan was about to have a mental breakdown, when she thought of something fun to do to take her mind off of things.

Slipping off the heels, and putting her furry black slippers back on, she walked quietly out of her room, into Pain's room. She snuck closer, and took a picture. Giggling silently, she did the same in everybody else's room. Hidan was lying spread-eagled on his bed, with Kakuzu. Deidara was sleeping silently, looking cute, on his bed, where there was a dent indicating that Sasori had just vacated the spot. Next she found Itachi in Kisame's room, asleep on the tall blue guy's chest. Konan rolled her eyes; _everybody _was together now. She tiptoed back to her room, just as she heard Sasori turn off the water. A sudden idea struck her, and she hid on one side of the bathroom door, camera in hand, and a mischevous grin on her face.

She listened, stifling laughter, as Sasori hummed slightly to himself as he dried off and put his boxers back on. He opened the door, and jumped in surprise and fear as there was a shout of laughter and a loud click and a huge white flash. Konan took picture after picture, the first of shock, the second of surprise, the third of irritation, the fourth of a sigh of relief, and the fifth of Sasori rolling his eyes and walking back to Deidara's room, saying '_You are so weird.' _Konan laughed herself silly, thinking with glee of the moment that those precious photos would be developed. Fun-neey. Konan was still giggly as Pain came in, still sleepy, caught her in a hug, and laughed as he fell forwards onto her bed, squishing her. "Good morning to you, too." She said, and he laughed before kissing her.

* * *

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	5. I love you

**...I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus...3**

* * *

Konan was nervous. She was standing backstage, waiting for Tsunade to stop talking so that she could get this over with. First she was singing _Holly and the Ivy, Silent night, _and _Santa Claus is coming to town _with the rest of the choir (with dance moves, of course) and then she would be going up all by herself (besides Hinata and Sakura, who were doing back-ups for the chorus) and then she would go backstage again before singing _Hey Mama_ by the Black Eyed Peas (the choir's holiday surprise). And, naturally, Konan had been picked to do Fergie's solo. Love-leee.

"And so the last thing I have to say today is...Happy Holidays, have fun, and no fooling around at the party. I would have said the _other _F-word, but I don't think I'm supposed to. But _imagine _I said it. So, there we go. And now...Might Guy's choir with their Christmas carols! Give it up! Whooo!"

Tsunade escaped off stage, leaving Konan wishing that it was _her _escaping to coffee and a nice inconspicuous chair. But oh no. She filed onstage after most of the girls to a load of cheers and whistles. They were all wearing long white robes (which underneath were hidden their Black Eyed Peas song outfits and Konan's solo snowflake dress) and holding song books. As Konan sang along with them through the first three songs, she thought that they looked very soulful

. And then it was her solo turn, and she reviewed the first half of the song's lyrics as she hid momentarily behind the choir, discarded her robes offstage, then walked forwards, heart pounding, as Guy announced her name, as well as Sakura and Hinata's (they were also wearing similar dresses, but without the stockings and gloves, and theirs were white, not pale pale pale grey.) Konan focused on _not blushing _as she heard Sasori and Pain shouting _Hottie-Konan! WHOOOO! YEAH! SEXY! _Konan took the stand-less mic (how do you spell that, anyways), heard the music begin, and took a deep breath. _I...saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus...underneath the mistletoe last night..._ Konan was screaming inside, as she focused on looking around the room (looking directly at the _walls_) and not hyperventilating.

Finally, she finished. There was a huge round of applause, and a standing ovation from her friends. She laughed and blew a kiss at them before exciting quickly, making sure not to fall over this time. Everybody else filed on stage, dancing and wearing (in Ino's case) cut-off tops and mini skirts. In everybody _else's _case, it was tight-ish shirts and loose jeans, cargo pants, or shorts. Konan, Sakura and Hinata quickly stripped off their dresses and heels, and Konan put on her grey tanktop, and tight, dark, torn jeans with red converse, then ran back onstage, Sakura and Hinata following in vaguely similar outfits.

They at once joined in the dancing and singing; _Cutie cutie, make sure you move your booty, shake that thing like the city of sin, and, hey shorty, I know you want to party but the way your body movin' got me really feelin' naughty...' _Konan was awaiting the dreaded moment when she would strut up to the front of the stage and do her bit. Here it comes, here it...Konan moved through the throng, listening to the song, knowing exactly when she was supposed to start, but also dreading it at the same time. She pushed through the crowd, grabbed the second mic ('Will.' still had the first) and began as a cheer erupted from her friends (she hadn't told them about this particular solo) _Yall know..._WillIam (really, it was some sixth year, but whatever) Konan began, trying to feel like Fergie might (my chick bad, my chick hood...) '_Who we are...' _she said, just like in the song...and then, _We the stars, steady rockin' on in yalls boulevards...' _WilllIAm; _How we rockin' it girl..._ Then _without bodyguards... _then _she be...; _Konan was moving around the stage, following the precise choreography she'd been taught, all the while feeling like throwing up. '_Fergie...BEP, come and take heed as we take the lead...so come on Papa, dance to the drama.' _And then she handed the mic (mik? Mike) to the next singer, and joined the throng of dancing students.

"Good job!" Sakura said to her, and Konan smiled in relief; she _hadn't _fallen off the stage, thrown up, ruined the song, forgotten the words or the dance moves, so all was vaguely well. In theory.

After the concert, Konan and the others changed into their festive outfits (they couldn't wear their concert stuff and pretend to be angels. Shame, right?). Konan had decided to be a candy cane, and she had diagonally-striped leggings and tight longsleeve, over which she wore a red tutu skirt (for fun, seeing as she had one lying around) and a white t-shirt with a huge picture of a candycane and a heart on it. She wore a red flower in her hair instead of a white one, and her red converse. She had also thought ahead and painted her nails red and white. She went to join her friends as they all trooped to the dance. They congratulated her on her 'sexy' performance of her songs, and they were laughing as they went to the Secret Santa Surveillance Center (the last word didn't start with an S, but it's the best the staff could do).

Everybody lined up with their Secret Santa and their Secret Santa receiver, holding the paper with the photo of the person they'd made a clue to to prove that they'd solved it. Konan stood Sasori and in front of Sasuke. Pain's secret santa had been Sakura, whose clue had been that he only used sterling silver for his piercings. She had, apparently, found that out when Konan told her absent-mindedly after Pain had complained that his new earrings that he'd ordered specially were gold, and he couldn't wear them. Sasori's had been Hinata, whose clue had been that he had been friends with Neji in preschool. Hidan's clue was from some fourth year, and it was that in first year, he'd dunked Deidara's head in a toilet. Kakuzu's clue had been from Naruto, saying that he once mooned Tsunade. Kisame's clue, from Temari, was that he used to eat raw fish. Itachi's clue, from Kisame, was that he has a scar shaped like a moon on his thigh. Deidara's clue was, in fact, from Pain, saying that he had a tattoo of a stiched-up mouth on his chest. They all filed into the dance, where _Yeah! _by Usher, was already playing. They all cheered and began dancing.

Konan quickly found Sasori and Deidara (both looking frankly adorable in their costumes) and they quickly began dancing to _Walk this way (_aerosmith). Soon Konan drifted off to find Pain. He grabbed her, and she spun, grinning at him. He was dressed in black jeans, red converse like hers, a white tank and an open red shirt. He was apparently being a modern santa claus.

"Hey! Dance with me!" she shouted above the music. He grinned back at her, and began to do the dance to _Cha cha slide _as the music came on. _One hop this time! One hop this time! _They danced through four more songs before Kisame, Itachi, Hidan and Kakuzu burst through the doors and jumped on them.

"Hey bitches! That line was fucking _long_."

"So is your di-" Kakuzu was interrupted by a large hand that slapped over his mouth.

"Fuck you, 'Kuzu! Yeah I said it! Fuck you! Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery!" he shouted, and Konan, Pain, and everybody laughed, reconizing the Kelly quote (_lemme borrow that top)._

After twenty minutes of leaping around and stuff, a seventh-year ( a helper from Konan's origami class) came on to the stage and set up a karaoke machine, with a huge screen facing the students, and lighting so that whoever was up there's silhouettes would be seen against a coloured background, like on an ipod commercial.

"Okay, first twenty groups up here get chocolate!" Shizune's voice announced over the music through the intercom. There was a huge swell of kids rushing forwards. Konan looked at the others.

"She said groups, right? Are any of you going up?" she asked.

"Hell yeah!" Hidan shouted, grabbing Kakuzu, Itachi and Kisame and barging through, knocking over a frail first-year. Sasori, who had reappeared with Deidara raised his eyebrows, smirking.

"Dei-babe and I are gonna go. What about you two?" Pain looked at Konan reluctant expression and laughed, grabbing her arm.

"We're gonna kick your asses." he shouted over the music, and dragged Konan through the crowd, ignoring her protests, which were all along the lines of 'I feel sick', 'Oh, look, is that Hinata? I want to talk to her...' and 'Seriously, no! No way! I...am allergic to...karaoke machines!' Pain just laughed and pulled her through the other dancing teens.

They ended up at the front of the stage, jumping up and down, waiting their turn as groups of people climbed up, turned on the machine, and danced and sang as people filmed them and stuff. Konan laughed hysterically as Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame and Itachi went up and did a hilarious version of _Wake me up before you Go-Go (Wham!). _Konan screamed with laughter (making a second year give her a funny look) when Itachi leaped forwards and did a solo, his black silhouette's hair flying as he sang; _I wanna hit that HIIIIIIIIIGH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BABY! _

Sasori and Deidara went up after Ino and her new BFF (she found another quickly...) went up and sang _Slave for you. _"Great choice, don't you think?" Konan asked drily, and Pain nodded seriously, then laughed. Sasori and Deidara sang _you shook me all night long, _leaving them beet-red in the face from trying to get the ACDC quality into their voices (Kisame quickly snapped a picture of them after they escaped the bright purple light; they looked like tomatoes.) Finally, Konan and Pain climbed up onto the stage.

"What are you gonna put on?" Konan asked, desperately embarassed as her friends started cheering as her black silhouette fidgeted awkwardly against the bright green light. Pain straightened up, having apparently selected the song.

"Just wait. Deidara's gonna love this." Konan's mouth dropped open. And then she laughed (Some of the dancers were surprised; her laugh was exactly like the one in the beginning of the song.) And then..."_I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!" _Pain shouted, and Konan found herself shouting back, having memorized the words. "_So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!" _They were dancing, and people were cheering and singing along as _Wannabe _pounded out of the speakers, Pain's and Konan's voices rising above the noise.

_"Slam your body down and zigazig ahhhh!" _Konan finished, and leapt off the stage. Pain (who had jumped off earlier) caught her, and held her up above him, holding her up by her middle. She put her hands on his shoulders and rested some of her weight there as she looked down at him, grinning as he laughed. He span around once, and she accidentally kicked several people in the head as her feet went flying. Then her lowered her down quickly, and she practically fell into his face as she kissed him.

No mistletoe neccesary.

* * *

After the dance was over, they all trooped back to their rooms and changed, packing their costumes either into their bags, or into their wardrobes. Konan was sighing at least twice a minute as she pulled on her grey and black vertical-striped tights, her black ruffled dress, black converse, and grey pea coat. She replaced her white paper flower, redid her messy half-bun, fixed her dark-blue eyeshadow, picked up her black lace umbrella that Kisame had given her as a birthday present and her black bag, and walked miserably out of her room. She met the others in Deidara's room, where they were all talking enthousiastically about their vacation plans. Konan tried to look cheerful as she thought glumly of _her _plans, which revolved mostly around a dingy hostel, an incredibally cheap (she had a total of thirty-five dollars on her, which would have to cover food as well as shelter) motel, or an orphanage (you never know). She forced herself to look on the bright side of her situation; she might lose weight! Huzzah.

As they left the school, according to grade level, Konan cheered up slightly when Deidara grabbed her for group photos. They took lots of random ones, from a human pyramid (Konan on top, to her immense releif; upper body strength was pityingly miserable in her field) to Charlie's Assholes poses (Hidan flatly refused to do any pose that was associated with _angels) _Finally, Konan stole the camera from Kisame, and insisted on taking couple shots (just to embarass them). First Deidara and Sasori volunteered themselves for a picture. Sasori stood behind Deidara, his arms around him and posing as if he was about to bite Deidara's neck vampirically while Deidara licked his lips. (the Cullens exist! Quick, where's a bonfire...:3) Next Kisame dragged Itachi into a picture. Itachi was sulking, while Kisame stood behind him and made him smile with his fingers in the corners of his mouth. Itachi looked _really _silly. Hidan and Kakuzu were up, but Konan took the picture (on purpose, of course) at the exact moment that Kakuzu got irritated with Hidan's teasing, and throttled him. Konan was about to put the camera away, when Sasori grabbed it, and insisted on there being a picture of 'the second-sexiest couple'. Naturally, he and Deidara were the 'sexiest couple', and Konan had to agree, simply because Deidara had the best hair out of all of them, her included.

She wasn't sure what to do, and looked at Pain awkwardly as they stood in the shin-deep snow. She was about to ask what they should do when, without warning, he scooped her up bridal-style, and told her to smile. Konan didn't, out of sheer stubborn habit, and hid her face in his shoulder. She heard the camera click as Deidara said; '_AWwwwww! _Konan, you're so cute, un.' Konan laughed. And then she realized that Pain hadn't put her down. Joy of joys, he seemed content to carry her _forever. _Sasori hung her bag on her ankle as they set off across the field towards the bus station, Konan all the while trying to convince Pain that she was perfectly capable of walking. He just laughed.

They finally (it had taken two hours for the bus to plow through the snow) made it onto the rickety black double-decker, and they plopped themselves down in the cold leather seats with sighs of relief. Konan was frozen. And she wasn't the only one; the bus had no windowpanes, so the freezing cold air just flew in. The bus driver himself was wearing a parka and a balaclava. Deidara had joked that for all we knew, the driver might stop the bus in a small road, and demand all the money people were carrying. As soon as Konan's teeth had begun chattering, Pain (who had been sitting next to her) scooped her up again, so her legs were over his and her arms were around him as he hugged her. Konan had to admit, no matter how much teasing she was enduring, she was a _lot _warmer.

"Thank you." she said quietly, her voice slightly muffled by Pain's jacket, and he kissed the top of her head. Konan felt herself blush, and was thankful that nobody could see.

"Hey Konan! Your ears are turning red!" Sasori called from the back of the bus. _Dang it. _Or, she'd _thought _nobody could see. Pain began to laugh, and Konan's ears (and face) turned redder before she insisted it was from cold.

"_Riiight." _Sasori said sarcastically, and everybody laughed when Konan shook her head, and seemed to deem the situation unworthy of a reply.

Konan got off the bus a stop before everybody else. She decided that this was the only place she vaguely _knew, _and that she would probably get lost if she went anywhere else. As she stood up and grabbed her bag, she suddenly felt _very _indescisive about her decision to be alone at Christmas. What was so wrong about begging somebody to let her stay? _No. No way. The day I grovel on my knees and beg _Hidan _for a place to stay will be the day I dye my hair blonde. Not. Happening. _She sighed, and hugged all her friends, wishing them Happy Holidays (so at least _they _had fun), and she kissed them on the cheek. Sasori slapped her ass as she turned to Deidara, and she kicked his shin in retaliation. Finally she trotted (she tried to run, but her huge coat and the short distance she had to travel ruined that plan) over to Pain, and hugged him tightly.

"I love you. I'll miss you." she said in his ear, and then she blushed like a ripe peach: that was the very first time since she'd officially started 'dating' him that she'd said she loved him out loud. Sasori tactfully (OMG; Sasori being tactful! LOok OUt! :3) didn't comment this time. Pain kissed her quickly, then looked at her.

"I love you more." he said, grinning. Konan blushed and looked at her feet before realizing that he had pulled her into a _real _kiss. After thirty seconds, there was a chorus of _GET A ROOM!, _and the bus driver asked if she was getting off or not, so Konan (regretting every second of it) had to pull away, hug him once more, say bye, and dash off the bus. As she watched her friends all waving at the windows, she blew them a kiss, and watched the bus depart around a corner. She wished she was still on it so much, that she took a step as if to chase after it. But no. _Her _holidays would remain here; in the quiet, little town of Malaise, where she'd gone once to convince the doctor and her father that she _didn't _have rickets.

Konan wandered around for a bit as the sky grew darker. Apparently Malaise was one of the few places in the developped world that only had _one _hotel, and it was completely booked for the next four months. So Konan bought herself half a sandwich (she would have to ration herself, due to her miserable amount of cash) and went into a bookstore, and read some books for three and a half hours. Finally the owner asked if she was going to _buy _any of them, because the store was closing. Konan, blushing from embarassment, hurried out of the shop.

She wandered around a little as the sky grew darker, and the air became (if possible) even colder. Konan had long before stuffed her hands into her gloves and mittens, and had pulled on a wool hat and scarf. Finally she gave in to the hunger that had been gnawing at her for hours (her stomach seemed to have forgotten the half-sandwich of four and a half hours ago) and bought a small bowl of hot soup. She sat down at the back of a gas station, next to the ventilation system (where it was warmest) and curled up around her soup. She dug her blanket out of her bag and wrapped it around herself. Konan was so miserable, she couldn't imagine how poor people could survive like this year-round. Gradually, she fell into a fitful slumber, constantly awakening at the slightest noise. Woken up again by a squirrel in the bushes, Konan sighed as she huddled under her blanket, and looked into the darkness. It was pitch-black. Konan had thoughtlessly decided to spend her holdiays outside a gas station. Thoughtlessly, because at the time, she had forgotten that she was desperately afraid of the dark. And yet here she was. Sitting alone, in a seedy-looking city, cold, and in the dark during the Christmas holidays. And now she was wallowing in self-pity. Oh joy.

Konan woke up the next morning, cold, hungry, and more uncomfortable than she'd ever felt in her entire life. She was stiff all over. It even seemed to hurt just to breathe. With a lot of swearing and complaining to herself, she stood up and stretched her aching body. For some odd reason, she felt like crying. She shook her head, wishing that Pain was here. At least if he was, she'd be warm. And probably laughing, hugging or kissing him. Missing Pain just made Konan horribly homesick. Or...school-sick? Konan shook her head, and then thought of her other friends as she walked to the nearby park. They were probably having fun and laughing, assuming that she was warm and happy with some friend. But no. Konan's breath clouded before her as she realized that it was probably only six am. She sighed and sat down on a snow-covered bench, her feet numb already from cold. She hoped that she would still have ten toes when she returned to school.

She spent the day watching pigeons and reading old newspapers. She had a juicebox, a granola bar, and a box of digestifs for a mixed breakfast and lunch. She was beginning to get used to the ache in her stomach from continued hunger, and was starting to get better at looking innocent when her stomach roared loudly as she walked past people. She may have perfected her 'It wasn't me' expression, but her reddened face gave her away every time. Normally when she was caught staring wistfully at restaurants and bakerys, stomach growling in protest at its emptiness, everybody who saw her seemed to think she was on a diet, or anorexic.

It was beginning to get dark again as Konan made her way back to the gas station, her stomach slightly less empty with a hot chocolate and a bag of pretzels. She had begun wearing her blanket all day, due to a sudden drop in temperature, which made icicles grow on her hair if she got snow in it. She sat down on the sheltered concrete (there was a snow roof) and huddled around herself. She closed her eyes and imagined that she was exploring the ruins of Atlantis. She was the only remaining descendant of Xandra, the powerful Atlantian sorceress. Just as Konan had discovered the way to reanimate Xandra's statue and free the evil general's harem, she awoke with a jolt. Somebody was standing in front of her. A man. A big, tall man with a frightening face and a flashlight, which was pointing at her face. She blinked, and jumped to her feet, terror rising through her; she was afraid of the dark. She was afraid of being alone in the dark. She was afraid of scary-looking people. And here they were, three of her major fears coming together. _WHY MEEEE? _

"What're you doing, sleeping out here in the cold?" The man asked. Konan told herself calmly not to be scared. She, of course, wasn't listening to herself at all.

"Um...I was just...I was just tired. But I'm going now, so...sorry!" she blurted, grabbing up her bag and walked quickly away with a few more muttered apologies. The man switched off the flashlight, and went back into the station. Konan breathed a sigh of relief, before her relief turned to fear and anxiety; where would she go now? It was probably one, or two in the morning, and she didn't know anywhere else that had some kind of warmth outside of it. She was standing, knee-deep in snow, and she was lost. She had never been here in the dark. She could barely see things five feet from her. And she was alone, cold, with nowhere to go, and nobody she knew. _At least things can't get any worse, _Konan thought in a half-hearted attempt to cheer herself up. But then things got much worse.

_Typical, _Konan thought as she heard the crunching of many feet behind her in the snow.

She whirled around, losing her balance slightly in the deep snow. About five people, all men from what Konan could see, were making their way towards her. She didn't see a single friendly-looking face in the darkness. Steeling her nerves, she forced herself to stay calm. She clenched her fists, gritted her teeth and glared at them. She heard one laugh coldly. She almost laughed as a wild thought ran through her head; _Deep down, there's a little girl screaming to get out...and that little girl's me. _Konan fought the urge to run with all her might; she would never run fast enough to get away from them in this deep snow. It was better to see what they wanted, scream if they made an offer she had to refuse, or politely decline if they were pretending to be nice.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" One asked in a rough voice. Konan looked at him. His silhouette was dark, and she couldn't see him.

"I...I'm not alone." she said, remembering the **10 rules of staying un-kidnapped** that her mother had taught her during a sane moment in the asylum. **Rule number One: Never say you are alone. **The man laughed.

"You look pretty alone to me. What are you doing out here?" he asked again. Konan tried to remember if she was supposed to lie or not. She decided to lie.

"I'm just waiting for a bus. It should be here now." One of the other men chuckled darkly, making Konan shudder with unwanted fear. They were still coming closer, and she was still backing away.

"Now that's funny. The buses stop coming at eleven. It's two in the morning." Konan mentally swore to herself.

"Well...it's a charter bus. From my..." _Damn! Do I say I go to school, or do I pretend I'm older than I am? HELP ME! YAAAGH! _"From my school." she blurted out finally. She was considering saying from her _job, _but what kind of job sends their employers out at two in the morning?

"You go to school? How old are you?" Another asked, still walking towards her. Konan stumbled a little as she moved backwards. **Rule number Two: never say how old you are. Lie. Never say you are younger than you are, either. Twenty-five and up is much safer than fifteen. **"I'm...it's embarassing to say..." Konan fudged, backing away more. The men laughed.

"Come on now. You must be about sixteen? Seventeen? Fourteen at youngest." one said in a husky voice. Konan was beginning to breath quickly, the cold air searing her throat.

"I have to go now. Goodbye." she said curtly, and she backed up a little more while they laughed. She was about to laugh when two stong arms grabbed her shoulders.

"I don't think you need to go just yet, pretty princess. We won't hurt you." a deep, slow voice. Konan shuddered, trying to throw the man's arms off of her, but he was much too strong.

"Let me go." she said agressively, despite the shake in her voice. Normally, she might have added an 'asshole' or a 'shitface' on the end, but **Rule number Three: never insult your attackers/stalkers. This will only aggravate them, **strictly forbid it.

The man laughed as she struggled, trying to escape. She felt one of his huge hands slide inside her thick jacket and move down inside her sweaters until he found her boobs. She gasped in fury and disgust. Forgetting all the rules (4-10 were mostly centered around **never ever ever ever be violent towards your agressor unless you are 100% certain that you will be able to escape after hitting them_. _**She kicked the man hard in the shin. As his hold on her slackened and he released a grunt of pain, she wrenched herself from his grasp, grabbed her black umbrella from her bag, laughing inside as she lunged with it, poking him painfully right at the base of his ribs. He wheezed, but before he could do anything, he was hit over the head with the umbrella. Konan began running through the snow, looking behind to see them running after her. The exhileration of beating them up was lost as she saw them gaining on her- _fast. _

"Bitch! You can't run away!" one yelled, and when she stumbled, he caught her arm and pulled it up behind her, making her gasp in pain, and fall into the snow. He stood over her, looking like he was ready to punch her. Her eyes were closed, and her body was limp. The man stopped.

"Hey! I think she fainted!" he called. The others stopped running.

"That just makes it easier, then, doesn't it?" the one Konan had hit said, and she heard dark laughter. She felt the one standing over her bend towards her. Her eyes flew open as she brought her foot up in a swift, hard kick. The man keeled over with a pained, agonized moan, his hands at his crotch, his eyes rolled up in pain. Konan laughed as she grabbed her bag, and sprinted through the snow once more, knowing, terrified, that they were running again.

Suddenly there were yells and grunts of pain. Konan looked back, and saw her attackers...being attacked. Konan stopped, her inner self screaming at her to run, but she was confused. Was she standing on the edge of a gang war? It looked like her attackers were losing. The one she'd sacked was lying in the snow still, but was stepped on by one of the newcomers, who was leaping into the fray. There were punches flying everywhere. Konan watched, still scared, as one of the guys who had been chasing her punched one of the new ones, somebody with long hair. He staggered back as a roar of rage was heard from another new one; he leapt on the one who'd punched his friend, and the man went down, knocked out. Konan was shaking her head in confusion and fear, backing away.

Suddenly one of the new guys looked up at her and shouted: "Get her!" Konan gasped in horror. _Don't tell me they're pummeling these bastards to get...ME! What the hell? Oh God, please, please, PLEASE let me out run these people! I'm so scared...WAAAAAAHHH! _With her inner self bawling her eyes out and her outer self shaking from fear, Konan turned and began running through the empty park, her feet slow from cold and the dep snow. She heard thundering footsteps behind her, and she began to cry as she ran as fast as she could, dodging around trees and benches, terrified out of her mind. She suddenly tripped on a clump of ice hidden in the snow, and she fell face-first into the cold white snow that blanketed the park. She struggled to get up as the running footsteps behind her became louder, closer, but her hands just sunk into the snow. Fighting as hard as she could, she left her bag and umbrella, tore off her coat so she could move more, left three sweaters in the snow, and leapt up, running faster now that she had less clothing.

She was frozen cold, of course, and shaking from cold now, as well as tears. She was crying loudly, the big childish _WAAAAAHS _escaping her. She didn't fight them. She was just picking up speed, and was beginning to think confidently that she could outrun whoever was behind her, when a huge, heavy form tackled her from behind. She fell into the snow again, and shuddered as the freezing cold burned her skin; she was now only wearing her grey tights, boots, gloves, and her black short-sleeved dress with the layers and ruffles that Konan had hoped would keep her warm under her sweaters and coats. Sobs tore through her as she kicked and hit every inch of the person who was pinning her to the ground as she could.

"Get- the- fuck- away- from- me- you- bastard!" Konan shrieked as she fought to speak through her crying.

"Konan! Stop it! Ow! Konan-" _How the hell did he learn my name? _Konan was confused, and didn't stop hitting him. And then it hit her; "You perverted freak! You saw my fucking school Go-Card, didn't you!" she yelled, fighting her way out from under the man. (St Misery's handed out Go-Cards, with your name, a silhouette of you, and your grade on the front and the school emblem on the back. You could only take the bus if you had one) She crawled through the snow, giving the guy behind her a good kick which she hoped had hurt. She struggled to her feet as she heard more approaching footsteps thunder through the silent night; she was truly trapped now. But she refused to believe it. She ran on through the snow, her tired muscles screaming at every step, her body numb with cold, her stomach roaring with hunger, her mind filled with anger and fear.

But she didn't stop. She had heard the thunder of feet behind her, and she scooped up some snow as she fought her way through the deep snow. She turned and flung the well-compacted snowballs at her followers, noting with satisfaction as they hit her target's faces with quiet thuds, and barely listened as they swore. She could do it! She was faster than them! She ploughed through the snow. She was running through the artfully-placed trees, and then she saw it. A large, hairy wood-spider. The kind that only appear when you least want them to. It was bungeeing artistically on its string, a mere two inches from her face. Konan backed away, shrieked in a way that only bats could hear, and felt her knees give way. She collapsed onto the snow, crying, terrified, certain that she would die of a heart attack any moment now.

She had never been so mortally afraid in her entire life. Not when she was a hostage during a stick-up in a conveniance store when she was eight. Not when her mother had been dragged away, screaming, from her house. Not when she had played dead as a wolf sniffed her face when she went camping by herself. This was torture, this was millions of millions of times worse. She was afraid of the dark. She had been terrified when asked why she was sleeping outside a gas station. She had almost fainted as she heard people following her. She had almost screamed in fear when she was grabbed from behind. She had been furious when the man had touched her. She had been frightened when she thought she'd be a witness for a gang brawl. She had begun crying from fear after the new men had shouted to get her. She had cried harder, and had been scared out of her mind as she had been chased across a park. And then she'd been tackled, and then more had come to chase her, and then she'd almost run straight into a spider.

And now she was lying in the snow, shaking, crying, and more scared than she'd ever been in her life.

"Is she okay?"

"Who cares? That bitch got me right in the face with a fucking snowball!"

"I think she saw a spider, un."

"That's just typical."

"Did you get her stuff?"

"Yeah. She was wearing like, five sweaters and a jacket that could have kept a polarbear warm."

"Konan? Are you okay?"

Konan opened her eyes. Her vision was a little blurry from the tears that were still pouring down her cheeks, and her heart was pounding so loud that she could hardly hear what the man had said. Somehow their voices were familiar... she looked up. And then she frowned. It was pitch black, but she could still sort of make out a face... she shook her head, unable to see who it was, and also saying no to the question. And then she remembered that these people were going to try to hurt her. Her face contorted with rage and fear, and she punched out at the man above her, and fought to get to her feet. She staggered in the snow, and then she was off, running again, giving the spider a ten-metre wide berth. There were exasperated shouts behind her, but she ignored them.

She began to lose some of her fight. She was hungrier than she could remember being. She couldn't feel her feet or hands. She was tired, angry, and scared. She was not gonna run anymore. She stopped, crying silently as she sat down in the snow, and huddled around herself, trying to warm up slightly. She heard footsteps behind her, and she shook her head. It was over. These were the last thoughts and moments in the the life and times of Konan Amega. She gave one last thought to Pain before she faced her attackers.

_I love..._

"Konan! Stop running, okay? Seriously! We save your life and you thank us by hitting us and giving an unhealthy amount of exercise?"

Konan frowned. Now that she concentrated and listened, that voice sounded familiar... She turned around, staring through the darkness at the seven men who stood around her. She could tell that they were mostly tall; one was super tall, one pretty tall, two quite tall, one sort of tall, and then two kind of short.

"Who are you?" she asked in a small voice, her tone still angry, trying to muffle the undertone of terror. One of the tallish ones sighed.

"Are you serious! We get fucking beaten up for her, we chase after her through a fucking mile of fucking _snow, _and she asks who we _are? _Jashin, that's annoying!" Konan frowned. One of the shorter ones crossed his arms.

"Come on, sexy. You don't want to freeze to death, do you? Here," he said, and threw her her coat. She put it on, grateful as she suddenly felt much warmer.

"Er...thanks...?" she said uncertainly.

"She's probably got hypothermia, un." the shortest one said thoughtfully. Konan was beginning to hope..._no way..._that un was so...familiar. She saw the second-tallest one rub his nose.

"You almost punched out one of my nose piercings!" he said in an impressed tone, and Konan was suddenly laughing; these weren't perverted freaky stalkers! Well, maybe freaky, and sometimes perverted, and one of them _had _stalked somebody once, but never mind!

"Sexy-Pain?" she asked in a breathless voice, hoping beyond all hope that it was him. It was beginning to get lighter, and she could see him grinning.

"Hey there, Hottie-Konan. Figured out who we are yet?" Konan laughed, relief flooding her, making her forget her hunger for the first time in two days. She struggled to her feet, and ran at him. She threw her arms around him, almost knocking him over. He laughed and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around him, so glad it was him, and he was so warm... she began to cry again, because of how scared she'd been, and how relieved she was now.

He rubbed her back and said he loved her in her ear. Finally she stopped and rubbed her eyes like a child (she'd never grown out of the wail-scream-cry-rub-eyes habit she'd developed as a child). She looked up at Pain, who was grinning down at her. She gave him a watery smile, and kissed him quickly on the cheek before looking around. The morning light was spilling over the dingy town, and she could make out the shapes and faces of her friends; Deidara was leaning on Sasori, whose arm was around him, Kisame was deep in quiet conversation with Itachi. Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing slightly.

"Thank you." she said quietly, and they looked at her, Sasori smirking, Itachi, Kisame Kakuzu and Deidara amused, and Hidan rolling his eyes.

"_Now _you thank us, Konan-bitch. _Before _you were throwing fucking snowballs at us!" Konan laughed.

"I'm sorry! I thought you were...I don't know! Creepy people..." she said, blushing. Pain laughed.

"So, we don't count as creepy people?" he teased, and she laughed.

"Well, you _are _creepy, just not in the chase-after-you-and-kidnap-you way." They laughed. Konan suddenly remembered the other guys and the fight.

"Oh! What happened to the other...guys?" she asked, revulsion thick in her tone as she mentioned them. Hidan laughed.

"They ran. The one you sacked probably fucking needed to be carried. They weren't that strong, or anything." he said, and Itachi nodded.

"I bet they only came after you at night because they're not strong enough to punch out anybody who would try and stop them during the day. It's lucky we were there, because I don't think you could have taken on all five of them..." he said, and Konan nodded. He continued, with a smile. "...but you sure stopped one of their sex lives in its tracks." he said, and they roared with laughter. Konan blushed.

"Yes, well. I'm sure he deserved it." she said, and Pain laughed mirthlessly. She looked at him, and saw the sort of frightening hatred in his eyes as he thought about the creepers.

"Damn right he did." he growled. Konan sighed in agreement, and looked at Deidara. She froze when she saw blood on his face.

"Oh God...Deidara-" she began, terror mounting in her before Sasori looked at her and shook his head with a smile.

"Don't worry, sexy girl. He's okay. The guy who did it isn't though," he said, a kind of furious pride in his voice. Konan suddenly remembered what she'd seen before; a huge guy had punched a guy with long hair, who must have been Deidara, and then Sasori... Konan smiled to herself. Sasori was so in love and protective of Deidara, that guy was lucky to be alive.

They stopped outside a restaurant that had just opened, after Konan's stomach roared like a dragon as the thought of food struck her. They went in, and Konan stayed outside for a moment while she put on all her sweaters again. She was almost finished zipping up the third one when a rough hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. She looked up, surprised, and then terrified; it was the man she'd beaten up with her umbrella.

"Not so tough without your friends, are you?" he hissed, twisting her arms behind her painfully. Konan kicked him in the leg again, and he released her. Before she could run, however, he had grabbed her by the throat, and had brought his hand back, ready to punch her. Konan had never been punched in her life, at least not in the face, and she wasn't looking forward to the experience. The man had just started to move his hand to hit her when he suddenly shouted, was knocked aside, and fell onto the cold ground. Konan gasped (the man's hold on her throat had been pretty tight) and whirled around in time to see the orange of Pain's hair as he lunged forwards, his expression murderous. The man on the ground had leapt to his feet, fists up, but not fast enough; Pain's fists were a blur as he punched the man in the face twice, then the collarbone. The man fell again, gasping, his mouth bleeding.

"Stop it! Stop, okay?" Konan shouted before Pain could do any more. "I know he deserves it, but...don't get arrested. He's not worth it, you know." Konan said, holding Pain's hand to prevent him from punching the man again. He looked angrier than Konan had ever seen him, and she didn't blame the man from scrambling up and running. Pain sighed and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, and she nodded. He kissed her, and then they walked into the restaurant to join the others.

Konan had never been so happy to see food.

* * *

"So...why are you here? I thought you'd all decided to go and stay with Sasori and Deidara." Konan asked during one of the few times when she wasn't eating. She had insisted on paying for her own food, but after deciding that the only thing she could afford was a salad, Pain rolled his eyes and made her order whatever she wanted. '_If we get back to school and the nurse says your suffering from malnutrition, I will tie you to a chair and force-feed you your least favourite foods until you're properly fed. So if you want to be tied to a chair, go ahead and order your salad.' _were his exact words.

Itachi answered her question, his hands around his coffee. "Well, Pain had this idea that you _weren't _actually staying with a friend..." Konan reddened and looked down at her empty soup bowl.

"And of course you _weren't, _and were too silly to _ask us _for somewhere to stay..." Pain said teasingly, and Konan's ears turned pink as well as her face.

"So he dragged us out here to find you." Itachi finished. Konan, still blushing looked up.

"Thanks! But you didn't have to-"

"Yeah, that's what I thought. _She's smart, she'll probably find a place to stay, like a hotel or something..._ Yeah right. I think you'll agree with me when I say this: we had to." Kisame said, grinning wolfishly at her. Konan was about to retort that she would have been perfectly fine, when a hand slapped over her mouth. Pain was looking at her, a smirk on his handsome face.

"Were you about to say that you'd have been perfectly fine?" he asked teasingly, and Konan nodded truthfully. He laughed.

"Well, when we finally found you, you were lying on the ground with somebody standing above you, and a bunch of other guys who were probably going to rape you around. I really don't think that's the definition of 'perfectly fine'." he said, and Konan sighed; no, no it's not.

"By the way..." Sasori said, looking over. Konan looked up at him. His usual smirk was, naturally, in place. "Did I parchance see you attack somebody ...with an _umbrella?_" he asked, having difficulty surpressing his laughter. The others roared with laughter as Konan sighed.

"It's gonna be a long day." she said quietly, and Pain, who had heard, laughed even harder.

* * *

Okay! Hope you liked this chapter! Thanks so much for the reviews (I LOOVE them!) And amazingly huge thanks especially to Cake-Is-Life for your adorable and really really really nice reviews! I love reading them, they make me so happy! (And I laugh, too, when I write them :3) Oh, and, to Luna's moon1100, please don't :) but thanks for the...er...support? ;P

Another chapter is coming soon, I promise! 3


	6. Beautiful

** Beautiful**

Okay, thank you SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOO much for all the amazingly brilliant, fantastic, super-awesome-kickass make-me-lol reviews! I'm SOOOO happy that you guys love this story so much! so, just because I know you're probably all waiting for an update, I started writing this about ten minutes after posting chapter 5. I can't leave this story alone! It's crazy :O. anyways, sit back, strap yourselves in, and enjoy the...er...read! :)

Oh, and I made a random slideshow for this. It's pretty bad, but I just did it for fun. here's the link; if it sucks, don't tell me. I'd rather not know 3 .com/watch?v=yCDt2rQePHI

Anyways...ACTION!

* * *

They finally left the restaurant a few hours later. Konan didn't know they'd left; she'd fallen asleep in her dessert. They'd looked around, and found her face-down in her cheesecake. Well, they couldn't really blame her; she _had _been rudely awakened at one in the morning, then had sprinted through the snow and had been worn out from fear. So they let her sleep (taking lots of memorable pictures, of course), the strawberries sliding down her cheeks when she shifted. She was now happily (if slightly stickily) sleeping as Pain piggybacked her to the bus station, where they would catch the next one back down to Sasori and Deidara's place. Pain laughed when Konan talked in her sleep; "Don't feed the lawyers, they bite. Try the acrobats instead."

When Konan next awoke, she was sitting on somebody's lap, their arms around her, in a bus. She looked around, and saw that it was Pain. He was asleep, and the sky was dark outside. Konan suddenly realized that they must be going back to Sasori and Deidara's place. She looked around, and saw that she was the only one awake. She carefully slid out of Pain's grip and off of him, and walked up to the driver, careful not to nudge any of her sleeping friends.

"Excuse me..." she said awkwardly, holding on to the first seats. The driver looked around, and Konan jumped; his face was almost identical to that of the Joker, white, red and black make up included.

"Don't be scared, girlie!" the driver said, laughing. Konan smiled, embarassed at her mistake: he just had a really wide, red smile with smile-like scars around his mouth, dark eyes and bags under them, and pale skin.

"I was just wondering what stop is next?" she asked, hoping that they hadn't missed theirs, not that she knew what it was. He seemed to think about it for a while.

"Well, I can tell you, we haven't got to your stop yet. Another few hours. But don't worry," he said with a cheery wink, "I'll be sure to wake you up when we get there."

"Oh, thank you!" Konan said, impressed and grateful for his kindness after the traumatic experiences of the night before. It really all seemed like a bad dream now, even though she knew that that was a total cliche.

She went back to her seat, and sat next to Pain, who was leaning against the window. She was looking out past him at the falling snow as they whizzed past it when a long, sleepy arm snaked out around her waist and pulled her towards him. She looked up. His eyes were still closed, but something about his small smile told her that he was awake. She was about to ask him whether or not he wanted her to know that he was awake, when he spoke quietly, turning his head so he spoke into the top of her head.

"You know when you were on the ground, with those bastards around you right before we came?" he asked, and Konan nodded, her face pressed into his warm chest (_What is it with him? Doesn't he _ever _get cold? What is he, a walking heater?)._

"I was really scared. I was scared you were-" he broke off abruptly, and Konan was amazed and enthralled by how honest he was...and she suddenly realized...how much he loved her. She blushed furiously, and he seemed to notice, because he laughed quietly.

"Promise me you'll never scare me like that again. Okay? Promise?" he asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper. She nodded, then said in a thick voice; "I promise." Pain tried to move her to see her face, and Konan could just tell that he was grinning.

"Are you..._crying?" _he asked, in an amused voice. Konan shook her head. "I think you're crying." he said, hugging her closer and resting his chin on her head. Konan just knew that he was _still _grinning away at her silliness.

"You're crazy. You should have your head examined. I've got the driest eyes on earth." she said, sniffing slightly. He laughed again, making sure not to wake up the others.

"The driest, huh? So why's my shirt getting wet?" he asked shrewdly, and Konan froze. And then she wiped her nose on his chest, grinning when she heard him bite back a laugh, squirming as she rubbed her nose into him.

"That tickles. Stop." he said, half-laughing, and Konan giggled quietly.

"No. Not until you say that I'm not crying." Pain laughed into her hair. She paused, then rubbed her nose into his chest harder. She grinned vindictively when she heard him stuff a fist into his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

"Fine. You're not crying. Now stop that!" he said, laughter imminent in his voice as he spoke desperately as he shuddered as Konan rubbed her nose on him. She looked up, her face smug.

"I knew it. I'm just glad you came to your senses and admitted to yourself that I was _not _crying. So there." she said, and Pain grinned at her. Then he smirked.

"You're mean. You're very mean, you know that?" Konan examined her nails.

"I know. It's not _my _fault you're ticklish there." she said, bursting into laughter at the end. Pain's hand covered her mouth, muffling her. She looked up at him, and he was grinning again.

"Shh." he said quietly, then leaned towards her. Her eyes widened slightly as he moved his hand, and covered her mouth with his own instead. Konan was just kissing back when she heard Hidan start snoring, and she laughed. Pain slid his tongue into her mouth as she did so, and that just made her want to laugh more, but she couldn't ignore the shivers she was getting as his tongue slid along hers and explored her mouth as his arms slid around her again, pulling her closer to him.

They were pressed up to the window as close as possible now, kissing fiercely. Konan saw out of the corner of her eye that the window was fogging up before she closed it. She didn't know how long they were kissing, Pain's arms wrapped around her like a blanket, like a favourite song, like the best thing ever, his orange hair tickling her forehead, his warm breath mingling with her own. She slowly realized that music was flowing out of an old speaker above them. It took her a moment, but she eventually recognized the melody as being _when you put your hands on me (christina aguilera) _Konan laughed, and Pain looked up at her, then at the driver, who winked and gave him a thumbs-up, then concentrated on the road again after turning the volume up slightly.

Pain looked at her, and Konan felt a jolt to her stomach as she recognized The Something in his eyes. "I love you. I love you, so don't scare me. Promise?" he asked again, kissing both her cheeks, then her nose. Konan blushed and looked up into his intricately ringed eyes (she never had gotten around to asking him about the many irises: whenever she really looked at them, she saw The Something, and then she ended up kissing him. Don't ask me how.). "I promise." she said again, obediantly, and kissed him. He kissed back, pressing her back against the window as he kissed her softly, then more and more passionately. Konan twisted her fingers in his hair and pulled him to her.

_I love you...I love...

* * *

_

Sasori opened his eyes. He had been asleep for a while: the sky was very dark, and his legs and shoulders were stiff. He looked around. Everybody else was asleep. His eyes fell upon Deidara, who was slumped against him, his breathing slow and silent as he slept. Sasori sighed, and slid his hands slowly over Deidara, pulling him slowly up to sleep against his chest. Deidara's head rested below his chin, his quiet breathing fanning onto Sasori's neck. Sasori shivered slightly, then skimmed one of his hands up Deidara's chest, pulling his long, dark blonde hair back away from his left eye. Sasori looked down at his sleeping friend. Boyfriend. Whatever the official term is.

He moved Deidara's chin up, watching him carefully as he slept: he was really quite beautiful, his long hair spilling over his shoulders, his dark eyelashes casting shadows on his lightly tanned cheeks. Sasori watched him for a moment longer, then kissed him softly, stroking his hair and moving him closer. Deidara didn't wake up until Sasori forced his tongue into his mouth and began exploring his mouth. Deidara opened his eyes slowly, kissing back before realizing what was happening. He frowned slightly, but then seemed to accept it, and shifted to slide one of his hands up Sasori's shirt, stroking his toned chest. Sasori shuddered, breaking away from the kiss to bite at Deidara's earlobe playfully.

"Mmm...you're so sexy.." he said quietly, his seductive, sexy voice making Deidara shiver slightly. He opened his eyes again and looked up into Sasori's heavily lidded brown ones.

"I love you, Sasori my man, un." he said quietly, reaching up and pulling Sasori's head down into another kiss. Sasori broke it again, pulling Deidara towards him again, and tugging playfully on his long hair.

"Deidara..." he said in a husky, slow whisper into Deidara's ear. Deidara sighed and looked away. Sasori frowned, pushing Deidara away and making him face him. They looked at each other from either side of the bench seat. Sasori's face was confused and demanding, Deidara's resentful and disappointed. Then Sasori understood.

"Don't tell me you've got it into that thick head of yours that I don't love you?" Sasori said, half teasing, half exasperated. Deidara opened his mouth for an angry retort when Sasori grabbed him, wrenching him towards himself and kissing him fiercely. He pulled away finally, a little breathless, but still as arrogant as ever.

"I love you. I love you, you idiot. Why the hell did you doubt it for even a second?" he demanded quietly, kissing down Deidara's neck as he spoke. Deidara dug his nails into his palms to hold in his moans.

"I...what do you mean, 'thick head'? _You're _the one who's being stupid, un." Deidara retorted, putting a hand under Sasori's chin and forcing his face up into another kiss. Deidara kissed him passionately, forcing him down onto the seat and straddling him (or as best as he could considering the lack of space), kissing him determinedly. Suddenly he stopped, and looked up. Music was playing, coming from the old speaker above them. Deidara grinned as he recognized _I wanna know what love is (Foreigner) _and looked to see the bus driver's grinning reflection in the rearview mirror. Deidara looked down at Sasori, who was blushing faintly.

"I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me, un." Deidara said with the lyrics, and Sasori smirked.

"You wanna know? C'mere, you sexy..." his sentance was lost in a whirl of long, dark blonde hair, hands, and lips.

"I love you, un."

"I love you, idiot."

* * *

"Wakey wakey, bitches." Hidan said loudly, and Konan's eyes flew open as she was violently shaken.

"Wh...what?" she asked groggily, and then she looked around. She was squished against a window, with Pain, (who looked just as 'awake' as her) groaning slightly as he tried to get off her. Hidan was leaning over the seat in front of them, grinning down at them.

"Urghh...what time is it?" Konan asked, rubbing her eyes as Pain gave up on trying to move and just collapsed on her, probably asleep again. Hidan laughed loudly.

"We're here, Konan-bitch! Now get up, and make that asshole get up, too. If we're not off in ten minutes, the fucking bus is gonna keep going with us on it!" Konan sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...five more minutes..." she said, closing her eyes. Pain sat up effortfully, and poked her.

"Nooo!" she moaned, flapping a weak hand at him vaguely. She heard him laugh, and then attack her in a whirl of pokes. She snapped her eyes open, shouting with laughter as he began tickling her. She forced herself to her feet, wobbling slightly as she tottered out of the bench-seat, and whirled to face Pain, who was laughing. She couldn't help herself: she grinned at him. Then she offered him a hand to help him up, and he took it, and pulled hard before she got a chance to place her feet. She came flying forwards and crashed onto him. "Hurry up, you horny bastards!" Hidan shouted from outside the bus. Konan struggled to get off Pain, but the she was scooped up by the waist, and flung over someone's shoulder.

"Um...thanks." she said awkwardly, blushing slightly as she recognized the back of Kisame's head.

"Hey, no problem. It's not hard to tell when it's gonna take you a..._while _to get moving..." he said, and Konan could just imagine him waggling his eyebrows at her.

"Right..." she grumbled, and she heard Pain laugh. She looked up, and saw that he was right behind them, holding her bag. They got off the bus, and Kisame carried her back to the path. Before she was put down, however, Sasori and Itachi seemed to seize the moment, both in rather different ways. Sasori rushed up, smacked her butt and said 'There you are, sexy!'. Itachi took out the camera and took a picture.

Finally Konan slid off of Kisame's shoulder, muttering darkly to herself about perverted people who are totally mean and deserve to be kicked. They began walking towards Sasori and Deidara's apartment along the snowy path. Pain was half-asleep still, and Konan suddenly got an idea to help him.

"Pain?"

"Yeah?" he replied, yawning. Konan grinned.

"Do you want a piggy-back?" she asked, and he stared at her. Then he grinned.

"Sure." he said, laughing. Konan handed her bag to Itachi, who took it and caught up with Kisame. Konan suspected that he would be taking out the camera. "Okay," she said, bending her knees.

"Just...jump, okay?" she asked, and Pain nodded, still laughing too much to talk.

"Okay. Maybe if you had a run at it or something..." Konan said, thinking. Pain backed up about ten steps.

"Good?" he asked, and she nodded. _Okay...here we go...he'll probably be kind of heavy, but nevermin- _Konan never finished that thought. Pain's running footsteps came up behind her, and then he had jumped, and there was an _impossibly _heavy person on her back. Konan squeaked, grabbing his long legs, and struggling to stay on her feet.

"Giddy-up, horsie! We're falling behind!" Pain said, laughing. Konan sighed, readjusted Pain's weight on her shoulders, then took a labouring step. Soon she had taken four, and was catching up (because everybody had stopped to watch).

"Try a run!" Sasori suggested, and she sighed. Then she began running. Or trotting. No, more like shuffling quickly along the snowy path. Suddenly she slipped, and landed face-first in the snow, Pain's incredible weight squashing her while he roared with laughter. Everybody else was laughing,too, as Itachi took pictures of Konan's arms and legs splayed, her face in the snow, with Pain sitting on her, laughing so hard he was probably tearing up. Konan, on the other hand, couldn't breathe. She elbowed Pain, and he got off, still bent-double with laughter. She laboriously pushed herself up on her hands, and sucked in a grateful lungful of air. After getting her breath back, she looked at Pain accusingly.

"You're _heavy._" she said, and he just laughed harder. Konan tried to retain what little remained of her dignity (it's hard to keep it when you live with a load of boys.) and got to her feet, brushing snow off her front. Pain finally got himself under control again.

"I think..." he said, gasping slightly as he tried to stop laughing, "I think that we should stick to _me _carrying _you._" he said, and Konan sniffed.

"I believe that's the first good idea anybody's had all morning." she said stiffly, and he began laughing again.

* * *

They finally got the the apartment, which turned out to be a house-like building among a load of identical ones. Sasori and Deidara's house-thing was the closest one to the frozen lake, and it had a huge, snowy field just behind it. They explained that they only called it an apartment because it said 'APARTMENT 6A' on the door. They all trooped in, knocking snow off their boots at the door, and then they all gathered in the little living room. Konan sat down awkwardly on the sofa, next to Pain, who stretched himself out like it was his own home.

"Okay. So, since this is kind of a _small _apartment...house...whatever it is..." Sasori began, plopping himself down on the floor.

"There aren't a lot of rooms, un." Deidara finished, grabbing an apple from the fruit table and tossing it to Konan (he knew she loved apples) before grabbing one for himself and biting into it. Konan vaguely wondered when the fruit had gotten there, but ignored it.

"So, me and Dei can share the first bedroom," Sasori began pairing off people, trying to save space. "...then Kisame and Itachi can have the guestroom...and Hidan and Kakuzu can have the spare room with the fold-out bed...so that leaves Pain and Konan...here." Konan made a scronching sound with her apple as she bit into it, surprised.

"The sofas unfold into beds, so it's not like you'll be sleeping on the floor, un." Deidara said enthousiastically. Pain shrugged, grinning.

"Sure, that's great." he said, stretching again. 'Great' might not have been Konan's exact description of the situation, but what can you do? Sasori stood up, and grabbed a huge sheet of paper from a cupboard, as well as a large purple marker and some tape. He taped the paper to the kitchen door, and began making a kind of two-week calendar.

"So. We can alternate who makes dinner, and who vaccums and stuff." he explained, and they all nodded. Eventually Sasori had constructd a schedule that made sure that everybody cooked once, and half of them vacuumed once, and the rest cleaned the bathroom once. Then they all spread out on the floor and began playing cards. They played crazy eights first, just to warm up, and then they played Slap Jack (Deidara won, by a mile), then Cheat (Hidan won the first game, then Pain, then Sasori.)

"You just make this funny face when you're lying." Pain explained when she demanded rhetorically why she was so bad at the stupid game.

"Yeah, you look like you're about to laugh." Sasori said, imitating her. Konan shook her head.

"Well, you guys play funny. It's like, as soon as I put down a card, even if it's _really _say, a six, you all _sta-a-a-a-are _at me, like you're trying to _glare _the answer out of me!" she explained indignantly, and they laughed. Next they played a speed tournament. Konan won her game against Kisame, Kakuzu, Itachi, Sasori, and Pain, then lost to Deidara, whose hand-eye co-ordination was so perfect it was kind of awe-inspiring to watch. Then they played five games of Big Two, during which Konan always had the two of spades, but never won. Next they played Black Jack, which Pain won, then Hidan insisted that they play strip poker. Konan had never played before, and was completely lost during the whole game, but only had to take off two sweaters, and her shirt, leaving her shivering slightly in her tanktop.

Hidan, Deidara, Sasori, and Pain had all lost their shirts, and Konan had to keep her eyes firmly glued to her cards, or else, whenever she looked up, Sasori would mouth 'Think Pain's sexy?' at her, and she'd turn red, then Pain would ask why, and then Sasori would tell him... yeah she wanted to avoid that little scenario. Finally Deidara gave up and announced he was going to make dinner. Konan suddenly saw his tattoo (a sewn-up mouth) and told him it was cool. He didn't hear, but Sasori answered for him.

"Oh, does that mean you're gonna show us yours?" he asked teasingly, and Konan sighed.

"Fine..." she said, standing up. Sasori looked surprised.

"Really? Well then! Get stripping, sexy!" he said, and she smirked. She turned around, pretended to lift up the front of her tank as she reached for a pillow. She spun around and threw it straight at Sasori's head. He fell over, and Konan laughed as he sat up, a darkly amused expression on his face. He grabbed the pillow and threw it back, hitting _her _in the face...from then it just snowballed. Deidara walked in, saying that the spaghetti was ready, to find everybody flinging pillows this way and that, their hair looking like ducks had nested in it, and (in Hidan, Sasori, and Pain's cases) zipper marks on their chests from the pillowcases. They finally all followed Deidara into the kitchen, sat down at the big wooden table, and praised him on his amazing cooking skills: and they weren't exactly lying. The spaghetti was really really good, excluding the piece of fork Konan found in hers.

After everybody was stuffed full of spaghetti, icecream and mini brownies, the others trooped upstairs, and Pain and Konan brushed their teeth in the downstairs bathroom. Konan forced her eyes to stay open with threats like _if you close for more than a blink, I will wear YELLOW eyeshadow tomorrow! Eat that! _She grabbed her blanket, unfolded her bed from the couch, put on sheets, grabbing a few pillows as she went, changed into her special Holiday pyjamas (red with white reindeer and presents), put on a pair of socks just in case, and fell into bed. She listened to Pain do the same, and then she realized that she wasn't tired at all.

She rolled over.

She rolled over again. She lay on her side. On her stomach. On her back. She assumed the fetal position. She spread herself out. She rolled over so her head and feet hung off the bed. She turned around so her head was at the bottom of the bed, her feet at the top. She rolled over. She lay on her back. She stretched her arms and yawned pointedly at herself. She tried to recite the alphabet backwards, but got stuck at R. She tried counting by threes. She gave up at 66. She tried to pretend that she was a new character in Harry Potter, and she sat in the tent with him and Ron and Hermione, yelling at them that putting on the Horcrux was a really really stupid idea, and they should just put it in the pouch that Hagrid gave Harry, the one where only the wearer can pull it out. HELLO! Are you insane? Why the heck are you following Bathilda? She's crazy! She's not talking! The reason she smells of rotten meat is because she's _dead! _Honestly... Konan gave up on that attempt: her plan to knock sense into Harry Potter had grown too frustrating to bother with. She sat up, scowling, and saw Pain stretched out on his bed, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at her, smirking.

"I take it you can't sleep?" he asked, and Konan shook her head, crossing her arms.

"It's so irritating!" she fumed, digging her legs out of the twisted mess of blanket they were suffocating in. Pain laughed, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back. Konan suddenly realized that he was only wearing black and grey plaid pyjama bottoms. She didn't realize that she was looking (Sasori, of course, would have said _staring) _at his bare chest until she blushed and looked at her hands. She heard him quietly snort with laughter, but she chose to ignore it.

"So...nice pyjamas..." he said, breaking the silence. She looked around, surprised, then down at her pyjamas, having momentarily forgotten what she was wearing.

"Oh...thanks?" she said awkwardly, and he nodded. There was another awkward silence, and then- _aaaaaahhhhhhh..._and the sound of a flushing toilet.

Konan burst into laughter, and had to hide her face in a pillow to muffle herself. She felt tears well up in the corners of her eyes as she heard humming while somebody turned on a sink...She shrieked with laughter, pressing the pillow to her face as she heard Pain roaring with laughter across the room. She rollled over, and fell off the bed, laughing hard enough to make her stomach hurt. Finally she calmed down, and sat up, gasping for air, appearing over the end of her bed. Pain was still laughing silently (so hard he made no noise) as he watched her. Konan wiped her eyes, gasping as she crawled back onto her bed. _Nothing like hearing a friend use the bathroom to break the ice, _Konan thought as she fought to regain her composure.

Finally Pain calmed down enough to say: "Who was that?" Konan shrugged, grinning, and beginning to laugh again. Luckily, not for too long this time.

"Are you tired?" she asked Pain, and he shook his head.

"No way." he said, and Konan nodded in agreement.

"So...what should we do?" she asked, and Pain frowned.

"Well...let's see what movies they've got. You never know, they might have the _Rocky Horror Picture Show._" he said, bringing up an old joke about that movie, when Hidan had suggested that Sasori dress up as Frank N Furter, and Deidara dress up as Rocky for Halloween. Naturally, they had not-so-politely declined. Konan crawled over to the movie shelf, and cheered: "They've got something better!" she announced, and threw him the DVD.

He caught it and looked at the cover before grinning: Sweeney Todd was a definite favourite.

They opened the case, popped the DVD into the machine, turned on the TV, switched it to DVD, pressed play, kept the volume loud enough to be exciting, but quiet enough so the others wouldn't wake up. Then they crashed on Konan's bed (the closest one to the TV) and got comfortable for the movie. Konan was almost humming with excitement: this had to be her very favourite movie. She remembered being teased when she was younger, for swearing to herself that she would never stop loving Johnny Depp. She laughed to herself, realizing that she still had a chance; he's still unmarried. He might have a girlfriend and a few kids, but...there's still a chance. She actually screamed a little with happiness when Sweeney first appeared on the screen.

"Down, Konan, down." Pain said teasingly, poking her, and she grinned at him.

When Sweeney was left kneeling by his dead wife, his throat slit, and Mrs Lovett was dead in the oven, and Johanna and Anthony were probably off eloping, Konan was wiping her eyes, and Pain was resting his chin on her shoulder.

"The end's always so sad." she said in a thick voice, pressing stop, then off, and tossing the remote onto the carpet. Pain made a sympathetic sound, and Konan looked at him, about to accuse him of being asleep, but she stopped when she saw that his eyes were closed. She didn't want to wake him up if he _was _asleep but...she couldn't help but notice how close her face was to his.

_I never really._...she didn't even know what was at the end of that thought. She moved her chin just two inches up, and she kissed him, closing her eyes. He kissed her back, sliding his arms around her and rolling over, laughing when she squealed when he was on top of her, kissing her carefully. Konan was trying not to smile. She bit down gently on his bottom lip, and was surprise when he made a weird groaning sound. She opened her eyes, staring at him, before he began kissing her deeper. She put her hands at the back of his head, pulling him closer, then rolled him over so she was on top. She was sitting on his chest, her legs on either side, and she was leaning over and kissing him fiercely.

"I love..." she whispered, placing her mouth just at the corner of his, her lips moving on his skin as she spoke. She suddenly remembered something she'd wanted to tell him.

"Pain?"

"Yeah?" he replied quietly, running his hands up her legs and sides slowly, looking up at her, The Something prominent in his eyes. Konan kissed his cheek softly, still speaking against his skin.

"You know when you guys were running after me, and I thought you were...well...not you? And I stopped and sat down?" Pain nodded. Konan sighed.

"Well, I thought I was probably going to die before ever seeing you again. And I...I love you." she said quietly, knowing that she hadn't finished her sentance properly, and there was the unsaid thing in her mind, and she knew that Pain knew she hadn't finished, but he seemed to understand. He looked at her, running one hand through her blue hair. He grinned at her.

"I know." he said impishly, and she smirked at him before kissing him again.

Sasori came down the stairs the next morning.

"Well well well. What were _we _doing last night?" he asked teasingly, putting his hands on his hips. Konan opened her eyes and looked at him.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him, sitting up. Until she realized she was still straddling/lying on Pain, who was still asleep, his hair messy and his mouth slightly open. Konan looked from Sasori to Pain. And then she reddened fiercely, scrambling off Pain and walking briskly past Sasori.

"It's not what it looks like, I swear!" she shouted desperately at him while he laughed loudly, clutching onto a door for support.

* * *

After Konan had gotten dressed (in her grey tights, black shorts, white t-shirt, grey cardigan and an open black peacoat) and had ignored Sasori for an entire hour while he told everybody else about 'Konan's cowgirl adventure', as it would come to be known, and everyone else had completed the grueling feat of going-down-the-stairs and had all arranged themselves around the dinner table, they all fell upon the waffles and fruit that Itachi had made.

"'o, wha're ee ooing 'oday?" Hidan asked with his mouth full of whipped cream and waffle. Konan snorted into her cereal, and he gave her a dirty look. Sasori sipped his orange juice thoughtfully.

"Well, the ice is thick enough now to go skating. But we don't have any skates. Or we could have a snowball fight in the field...or we could watch movies...or we could...uh..."

"OOoooh! Can we go skating? Please? Please please please please please? I _loooooove _skating!" Konan said, almost hitting Kisame in the face with her elbow in her excitement. Sasori looked at her, smirking.

"Okay, I can add skating to the ever-growing list of things you _loooooooove..._" he said teasingly, and she shot him a filthy look, kicking him under the table as she did so. Unfortunately she missed, and had to apologize to Kakuzu, who consequently was rubbing his shin and scowling.

"How many times have you skated, yeah?" Deidara asked, rubbing his eye sleepily. Konan laughed.

"Never." she said, and there were quite a few stares sent her way.

"Never? You've never gone skating?" Itachi asked her, surprised. Konan shook her head.

"No. I fell through ice once, but that wasn't skating, really..." she said, recalling the time she'd been dared to crawl across the frozen lake. She had been about half-way across, (and had seen a moose trotting across the ice) when she saw a sign up ahead. Curious in the way only a ten-year old could be, she stood up and ran across to it. It read THIN ICE. And the rest goes without saying.

"So, if you've never gone skating, how do you know that you _loooooove _it?" Pain asked, grinning. Konan thought.

"Well, I don't know. I just like ice. And skating _looks _like it's a lot of fun." she said, and he laughed. They all put on their coats and boots, and tromped through the deep snow out to the frozen lake. When they got there, Konan began to get excited: this would be her first official skate in her life! _Wheee...so fun...:3 _But no.

"Okay. How about the first person to fall over makes lunch?" Kisame suggested, and they all agreed. Konan pulled on her gloves, and followed the others as they tentatively stepped onto the ice. They made it into the middle of the ice without too much trouble: as long as they walked _very...ve-rrrrr-yyyyy...veeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy _slowly, there wasn't too much trouble involving landing on their butt. The problem started when Konan stepped a little too fast.

She slipped, and grabbed onto Pain's arm. He immediately lost his balance, and tripped over Sasori's leg. Sasori began sliding around, and grabbed onto Kakuzu's scarf for support. The scarf tightened around Kakuzu's neck, and he coughed and gasped, flailing around until he crashed into Hidan, who swore at him, and, because of the hard push he'd been given, zoomed, flailing around, into Deidara, who had seen it coming, and had therefore grabbed onto Kisame, who he trusted to have good balance. He didn't. Kisame slipped and slid around until he knocked over Itachi and landed on him. Spread-eagled on the ice, in a rather large and amusing dog-pile, they all glared at Konan.

Who had not fallen down.

And who was now laughing hysterically, taking pictures. She shuffled forwards, screaming with laughter, taking picture after picture. Until Hidan gave her a sharp kick to the foot, and with a shriek, she toppled over and landed on her butt. And then they all started laughing. Until they heard the crack of ice.

Luckily, it was just a little kid who had smashed a large rock into the side of the pond. They all breathed a sigh of relief, and began staggering to their feet. None of them succeeded, so they all had to crawl to the side of the pond, tails between their legs as more children came and began to laugh at them. Until Hidan caught one of them in the face with a well-aimed snowball, and a loud swear.

They finally all trooped back inside, took off their boots, drank at least a gallon total of hot chocolate, and all squished onto the two beds (which had been folded back into their original couch-form) and decided what movie to watch.

"How about ...Nightmare on Elm street? No...what about The Shining?"Sasori suggested, digging through a large pile of horror films. Konan sighed: she _hated _scary movies. Everybody else was nodding, kicking back and looking happy about watching bodily functions go amiss, and innards spew across walls. Pain looked at Konan, plainly realizing that she hadn't agreed.

"Do you want to?" he asked, and she sighed again.

"Well, I guess so." she said, not wanting to be the wet blanket (her nickname when it came to horror movies _not _directed by Tim Burton was Cute, Crying Konan)

"Just so long as it's not _Arachnophobia, _right Konan?" Sasori asked teasingly, and she shot him a look. He put in the movie, and as the opening credits ran, Konan made sure that she had a pillow on her lap ready to cover her face with, and her hands were at-the-ready to slap over her ears. She had also made a list of excuses to leave the room for, such as 'bathroom', 'popcorn', and if she'd used the other two, and it was _really _urgent, she could pull the old 'period' card. Boys just leave you alone whenever you mention the 'bitchy time of the month' in their presence.

Ah, the immaturity of boys can make a girl's life _so _much simpler.

The movie began. The horrible suspense was kicking in, and Konan was already starting to feel slightly ill. When the warning of the Overlook hotel was given to the little family, Konan braced herself, and tried to guess what would happen so she'd know in advance: Danny had The Shining, so could see random, ghostly, scary things that had happened once. Jack was obsessed with his writing, and began to go crazy. The wife was determined to leave with Danny, whether Jack came or not.

Konan volunteered to get more popcorn when the elevator started spurting blood. She was walking to the kitchen when suddenly somebody behind her shouted; "OH MY GOD, KONAN!" she jumped about a foot, screaming, until she heard laughter. She shook her head, heart pounding a mile an minute, and got more popcorn.

And then she had an idea.

She opened the freezer, got out the ice bucket, and stuffed her hands into it. Sure it was cold, but she was certain that it would be worth it. Once her hands were nice and cold and wet, she tiptoed silently out the alternative kitchen door, which led to the dining room, and then through the back of the living room. They wouldn't see her coming. She was already laughing inside as she made her way silently across the carpet. At the back of the sofa, she got to her knees and waited, sitting directly behind Sasori, who she knew was behind the shouting. She peeked over the sofa. Jack was tying to axe his way into the bathroom where his wife was hiding, having just let her son escape without her. Just as Jack's face appeared in the hole in the door, Konan reached up with her ice-cold hands, and closed them around Sasori's throat.

With a strangled yell, Sasori ripped himself from her grasp, and leaped up. Konan hid behind the couch, so he couldn't see her or her hands. He was panting, looking terrified, shaking... Everyone else was staring at him as the scary, suspenseful music continued...

"What?"

"What the fuck's wrong?" Sasori was staring at the place he'd been sitting, traumatized.

"H-hands! I swear to God, I just felt cold hands around my neck! I swear I did! Right there!" he said, pointing a shaky finger at the place on the couch he'd just vacated. Pain and Deidara, who had been sitting on either side of him, moved.

"What the hell are you talking about? I think you're just being silly." Kisame said, staring at Sasori, who was still shaking. Konan, meanwhile, had crawled past the dining-room wall (which was just a few inches behind the couch) and had returned to the kitchen, where she grabbed the popcorn, and walked into the living room again.

"What's all the shouting for? You look like you've just pissed yourself, Sasori. Don't tell me _you're _scared. I thought you were too manly for that." she said, popping a kernel into her mouth, grinning at their confused-to-scared faces.

"Well, I got more popcorn, if you want some." she said innocently, walking over and sitting back down. Sasori sat down again, too.

"I'll have some." he said, and he handed him the bowl. When he took it, he touched her hand, and jumped.

"Your hands are cold." he accused, and then his eyes widened then narrowed as he started to smile. She looked at him innocently.

"Yes? I got myself some ice for a drink. Is there a problem?" she asked, and Pain, who understood, laughed.

"I guess you weren't imagining it, Sasori." Itachi said drily as Sasori stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth, fixing his attention back onto the screen. "Nice one." Pain whispered to Konan, and she grinned vindictively.

_I'm not Cute Crying Konan _this_ time_.

That is, she _wasn't. _When Jack froze to death, lost in the maze, she _did _feel like crying: he wasn't _evil, _he had just gone crazy. Like her mother... except Jack was trying to kill his wife and son, and had axed a man in the chest. He was just a misunderstood soul, who had fallen under the pressure of his creative writing..._all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..._And the Redrum-Murder mirror scene had to be one of the most frightening movie concepts that Konan had ever seen. They were all sitting in silence, the aftermath atmosphere of terror of the movie settling upon them. And then the phone rang.

They all jumped and yelled.

After three rings, Sasori got to his feet and answered it.

"H-hello?" he said, and Konan knew that she, at least, was on the edge of her seat. What if it was...I don't know...something horrible? Jack was alive, and he was on the phone?

"Oh...hi, Mom." Sasori said, and they all laughed as Konan let out a huge sigh of relief.

Thank goodness for mothers.

* * *

Okay! Yay! I know this chapter's a little shorter than my usuals, but I wanted to fit all the Christmas fun into the next one. Hope this one was okay. It took a while, and it was mostly kissing. No, I haven't watched the Shining, or any horror movie in fact. It's sort of embarassing, but the scariest movie I ever watched start to finish was Michael Jacksons' thriller, which I watched when I was five. Yes. I had a nightmare that my mother was a zombie, and I was hiding behind a shed as my dead mother crept around the corner while Michael (May he Rest In Peace) and his zombies were dancing and singing away. (shudder.) I have watched Sweeney Todd, but I was more intruigued by the character development and the poor, poor characters of Mrs Lovett and Sweeney himself than grosssed out by the frequent throat-slitting. I suppose my least favourite parts of that movie were when the bodies fell onto their heads on the concrete, and when Mrs Lovett (spoiler) was burned alive. That was nasty. But I have absolutely no stomach for scary movies. I begged to turn off Scary Movie 2 during the opening music. I screamed when the phone rang after watching the trailer for the Children of the Corn and The Shining with the sound on mute. Yes, I suck. Yes, I'm a baby. But whatevs, I tried my best to summerize the movies.

Hope this is okay! Keep reading please, and I love reviews! :))) 3 Ciao!


	7. Sugar Sugar

**Sugar Sugar**

Thanks for the reviews! To Sasukesbiggestfan, thanks for your review. I'm glad you like it. I don't really think Ino's a bitch in the anime, it's just when I started writing this, I needed a bitchy character, and Ino just seemed perfect. I think the reason that I don't feature Itachi quite as much as I could (and thanks for pointing that out! I hadn't realized) is that for some weird reason, I've always liked Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Pain and Konan more than the others, Itachi included. I'm not sure why. But he is a good character, so I'll try and get him more parts in this chapter.

Hope you like it! :3

* * *

After lunch, it was Konan's turn to vacuum. She was kind of excited, because the guys had all gone out food-shopping and whatever else, and for the first time, she had the house completely to herself. Even if she had to vacuum, she could still have fun doing it. She flicked through Deidara's CD collection, stopping when she found one that she recognized: Konan's mix. He must have brought home the cd he'd made using most of her favourite random songs. It had Lily Allen (smile, not fair, and f**k you), Steriogram (walkie talkie man) T-pain (church), Jet (are you gonna be my girl), Black eyed peas (hey mama, don't phunk wit my heart), Goldfrapp (Ooh la la), M.I.A. (paper planes), Deadmau5 (ghosts n stuff), and Vengaboys (Boom boom boom). She grinned, plunked it into the stereo, cranked up the volume, skipped to track 4, and started the vacuum. She began dancing with herself and the vacuum as the fast song started blaring out of the speakers. She used lamps as microphones as she paraded around, vacuuming the carpets and frequently taking breaks to use a mop as an air guitar. Little did she know when they all came in the back door.

Pain and the others grinned as they recognized JET pounding through the house. They dumped the stuff quietly in the kitchen, took out the camera, and moved stealthily towards where the music grew loudest. Pain was the first one into the living room, and he grinned when he saw Konan. She was bent over a broom like a rockstar and a mic, and she was lipsynching as she twirled her hair like in an 80s Twisted Sister music video. _Are you gonna be my...GIRRRL! _she grabbed the mop and leapt to her knees with a huge air-guitar flourish as the song ended. Next, Hey Mama came on as Itachi was snapping picture after picture. Konan stood up, put away the vacuum (she still hadn't noticed they were there) and turned off the sound. Then she turned, and jumped when she saw them all standing there, grinning, laughing, and obviously having just watched her rock out with a broom. Great.

Happy holidays to you, too.

* * *

It was Christmas Eve. They were all gathered in the living room, having just finished watchig Nightmare Before Christmas (after deeming Miracle on 34th street a kid's movie) and eating the christmas cookies that Konan had almost set fire to the oven to make (she had succeeded in burning a wooden spoon, and melting two plastic plates and a cookie cutter in the shape of a tree). They were currently talking about random stuff. Then Konan suggested they play True Confessions or something like that. They all looked at her and asked what that was. "Is it a fucking _girl _game?" Hidan asked, rolling his purple eyes. Konan frowned. "I don't think so. It's like, everybody in the room has to answer questions truthfully. And when _I _play, everybody writes down ten questions, folds them up, and puts them in a hat, so there's no pressure. And I also play with punishments if you refuse to answer the question." she said, smiling. "Sounds okay." Itachi said, and Deidara volunteered to get everybody pens and paper. They all spread themselves out, with a pen and paper, and wrote down ten tell-all questions. Konan was writing her fifth one when she suddenly was having second thoughts: she had only ever played this with girls. She knew what to expect from them; _When did you get your period? What cups size do you wear? Who do you like? Who have you ever imagined yourself marrying? If you could choose, who would you lose your virginity to? What's the most embarassing moment of your life? Have you kissed a boy on the lips? Have you ever mooned/flashed anybody? _Boys might be completely different. Konan rolled her eyes; it was Christmas Eve. _YEah! _she thought grimly, scribbling down the next 5 questions. _Bring it! Bring it on! Hell yeah! _

She sat up, tore the paper into ten squares, folded them up, put the pen back on a table, and dropped her clues into a hat. "Hey!" she said, examining the woolen headgear. "This is mine!" "All's fair in love an war, sugar." Sasori said absent-mindedly as he wrote. "That doesn't make any sense, you know." Konan said, plopping herself down on the couch and stretching. "I know..." Konan shook her head; it was no good talking to Sasori when he was doing something.

Finally (it took three more minutes) all the guys were done. They folded up their questions, dumped them in the hat, shook it to shuffle the questions, then sat down in a loose (anybody else would have questioned their geometry prowess) circle, the hat in the middle.

"So...before we start, what are the punishments again?" Itachi asked casually. Konan smiled.

"Don't worry. I wrote some down. They're in my pockets." she said, her hand closing around a crumpled strip of paper as she spoke.

"Well, ladies first..." Pain said, grinning and pointing at the hat. Konan bit her lip as she grinned at him and pulled the hat towards her. She closed her eyes and stuffed her hand into the hat. She grabbed the first one she got a grip on, put the hat down, and unfolded it. _Who was your first crush? _Konan snorted with laughter as she read it out loud; she had thought that _she _would be the one asking the normal, girly questions.

"Answer the question, silly." Kisame said, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees. Konan thought.

"Er...is this a realistic crush? Or do...never-gonna-happen-unrequited-one-sided-obsessions count too?" she asked awkwardly, thinking of her Sirius Black rituals. Or, there was that whole Inuyasha-Hiten-Koga-Sesshomaru-Juromaru-Bankotsu-Hakudoshi thing...(please don't ask about that. It was the only anime she ever saw in her whole life, and every guy they introduced, besides Naraku, was better than the last.)...or then there was the half-hour Edward Cullen thing, which was ended swiftly as soon as she realized he was in love with a cow. Then Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd...the list went on and on of her crushes on people who weren't even real.

"Er...sure..." Pain said, grinning. Konan sighed, tried to think of a _real _boy she'd ever had a crush on...besides Pain...ah...um...er...screw this.

"Okay. My _very first never-gonna-happen-unrequited-one-sided-obsession_...or _unrealistic crush..._was on Dipsy, the Telletubby." she said, turning red. She _knew _that this was an embarassing answer. But she didn't want to do _any _of the punishments she'd written down. There was a moment of silence. She heard a pin drop (figuratively). Then the room exploded into howls of laughter. Pain had fallen off the sofa. Sasori was banging his fist on the carpet. Deidara had keeled over backwards. Hidan was in fits of hysterical laughter. Kakuzu, Kisame and Itachi were gasping for air as they roared with laughter.

"Yes, yes, very drole." Konan said irritably. "Well who were _your _first crushes? Mariah Carey? Tom Cruise?" she demanded, and that succeeded in shutting most of them up, as they thought about _their _very first crushes, which probably were just as embarassing as hers...or so she hoped.

Unfortunately, Pain, Sasori and Deidara were still laughing hysterically. Konan solved the problem by standing up, grabbing the stiffest, most-stuffed pillow, walking over to each of them, and hitting them in the face. (She showed pity to Pain simply because he was wearing all his piercings) She hit him in the chest, and told him to shut up. He finally did, sitting up and crawling back onto the couch, occasionally bursting into quiet fits of laughter as he remembered Konan's very first crush.

"Well? It's somebody else's turn to answer, now that we've all had a good laugh." Konan said, trying to be cold, but failing. That comment sent Pain into yet another fit of uncontrollable laughter. She muffled him with a pillow, and asked to go counter-clockwise, so as to give Pain a chance to compose himself before answering.

"Okay." Sasori said, a huge grin still on his face. "My very first crush was on my cousin." Everybody leaned forwards, eyes wide.

"No!" Konan said, in a soap opera voice.

"That's kind of...weird..." Kisame said, and Sasori shrugged.

"I didn't _know _she was my cousin, okay?" he said sheepishly, and they laughed.

"Um...I guess my first crush would've been...hmm...Sasori...un..." he said, looking down, his long, dark blonde hair hiding as much of his face as it could. There was a tiny pause, and then- "

AWWWWwwww!"

Konan had seen it coming. She was smiling smugly as Sasori leaned over and grabbed Deidara in a hug. And then she suspected they were kissing...oh dear. She cleared her throat loudly, and (just as loudly) asked Itachi's first crush. He thought about it for a while.

"I guess it would've been...Lavagirl. From that really really bad movie?" he said..

"I remember that!" Konan said excitedly. "It was horrible, wasn't it? And Taylor Lautner was sharkboy..." she said thoughtfully.

Kisame's first crush had been Captain Haddock from Tintin. Hidan's first crush had also sprung from the well of Inuyasha flames that Konan did her best to drown in her memory: Jakotsu, the mercenary, Bankotsu's best friend. He dressed as a girl, had a girl voice actor, and loved Inuyasha. His favourite thing to do was cut up hot guys. Konan vaguely remembered skipping ten episodes in Inuyasha, and seeing Jakotsu for the first time.

She had thought that she was a random new girl character, and she had shouted at her tv; "INUYASHA DOESN'T LOVE YOU, YOU HAG!" Of course, those had been the good old days when she had liked Inuyasha...His brutal murder of her ultimate favourite character had ruined that relationship, however... Kakuzu's first crush had been on Hidan ("Aw! Hey! I knew it! You really _do _like me, don't you, 'Kuzu?" "Shut up, Hidan!"), and Pain's (he had finally regained control of himself) first crush had been on Sailor Jupiter. Konan snorted with laughter.

"Hey, it's better than Dipsy, okay?" he said, and that shut her up.

Pain grabbed a question from the hat next. _Have you ever had an obsession? _Konan's stomach dropped; she had once been dragged (quite literally) to see a counsellor about her obsessive habits. She had managed to control them since arriving at the school, since she had purposefully left her DVDs and things at home, and their weren't any TVs there anyways, but there was always a moment when she would miss them a little... Pain grinned.

"Piercings. That was easy."

"Indianna Jones movies." Kakuzu said.

"Horror movies." Hidan said.

"Sharks." Kisame said, and Konan smiled; he kind of looked like one.

"I wouldn't call it an _obsession..._but I could say my hair." Itachi said, and Konan nodded slowly; she had heard about that whole growing-out thing. Deidara had freed himself from Sasori by this time, and answered that he had an obsession with explosions. Sasori said he was obsessed with puppets, and dolls, and that kind of art. It was Konan's turn. She blushed in advance, and she heard Hidan whisper; "This is gonna be good."

She took a deep breath.

"Well, I wasn't exactly _obsessed, _and I don't _really _still like him any more...I guess it's kind of a _complicated_ obsession..." she stalled.

"Hurry up, or we'll be here all night!" Sasori said, and she sighed.

"I had to see a counsellor because of my obsession of Bankotsu, leader of the Band of Seven from Inuyasha. I loved him so much. I screamed and shook my tv and threw pillows at it and _cried _when Inuyasha killed him. I mean, come on!" she said angrily, falling into the long, and well-practised lament she'd perfected years ago.

"Seriously? Bankotsu could _not _have died like that! In the anime, at least they gave him a somewhat good ending! In the _manga! _He was just cut in half when he lost all his extra jewel shards! That is _impossible! _And Jakotsu didn't even have a proper death either! In his entrance into the anime, Inuyasha (that bastard) was all upset because his Wind Scar was being _disrupted _by the aura or something around Jakotsu's sword! So _WHY WAS HE ABLE TO KILL JAKOTSU WITH A WIND SCAR!" _she demanded hotly, having stood up in her passion and irritation. Hidan was nodding in agreement.

"So, anyways, Bankotsu was voiced by Matt Hill. I used to watch Ranma 1/2, and then I quit when Ranma's english voice actor was switched for the guy who does Inuyasha (and naturally I couldn't listen to _that _murderer.) But I watched an episode when this guy called Pantyhose Taro (don't laugh at the name) came in. Because he was voiced by MATT HILL! And so was that flying teddy thing in Card captor! (I only watched the first episode of that, because I didn't really like the plot.) And Matt Hill also does the voice of Finn in Stormhawks!" she said breathlessly, suddenly noticing that she had her hands victoriously up in the air.

"I mean...not that I...uh...like him or anything...But you know what? Matt Hill didn't go to those Inuyasha voice-actor conventions that people put on youtube! I mean, he SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! And Bankotsu was voted number 1 sexiest bad guy EVER on Inuyasha! And in the movie four, two of the four war gods or whatever they were, were DEFINATELY based off of Bankotsu and Suikotsu's designs! They were! Bankotsu's name, I think in real translation, means Barbarian bone, but I heard it also mean reckless courage! I can't quite remember the others, but I know Jakotsu's means Snake bone. They have these markings on their faces, too, and Bankotu's means Youth, because he's the youngest (and strongest) of the Band of Seven. He's only seventeen! He's also the shortest, probably only 5ft5'' or something, but nevermind! He has this HUGE halberd, Banryu, which he carries with one hand, although it takes three strong men just to pick it up! Jakotsu's signs mean Death, Suikotsu's mean..er...I can't remember, damnit! Renkotsu's (he's that BASTARD-ASSHOLE who actually killed Jakotsu! Luckily Bankotus killed him in revenge, but still...:) mean deception, Mukotsu's mean poison, Ginkotsu's mean machine, and I can't really remember what Kyokotsu's mean...but nevermind. And you know what _else_?" she demanded hotly.

"What?" they all asked, as an obediant audience should.

"Inuyasha took _credit _for killing the rest of the Band of Seven! He actually had the audacity to _pretend _he'd killed the rest of Bankotsu's 'brothers' (that's what they called each other, even if they're not related). He hadn't even killed _one! _He _mostly _killed Ginkotsu, but then Renkotsu made him into a tank (don't ask, it's weird), so he didn't die. He _mostly _killed Jakotsu, but then Renkotsu came and finished him off (DAMN HIM!). _Sesshomaru _killed Mukotsu, _Koga _killed Kyokotsu, and forced Ginkotsu to self-destruct. The only one he killed was BANKOTSU (Waaaaaahhhh)! Sheesh! And you know what _else_?"

"What?" they chorused as she began jumping up and down on the couch in her frenzy.

"Bankotsu shouldn't have died! He really really really shouldn't! Because he was _totally _going to fry Inuyasha's sorry doggy ass to a crisp with this huge power thingy, but because Inuyasha had his girly little _BACKLASH WAVE (_DAMNHIM!DAMNDAMNDAMNHIM!) he sent it _back! _YAAARGH!" she screamed, a little hysterically.

"And then guess what?"

"What?" they asked, looking slightly alarmed by her demented expression.

"When Naraku traps Inuyasha in his intestines (that was weird...and a little disturbing) Rumiko Takahashi had the _nerve _to torture me FURTHER by bringing back Bankotsu's body! Well, okay, it was only the top half (he was cut in two...sobsobsobs...), and he wasn't _really _alive, but STILL! And then they _KILLED _him- AGAIN! YAAAAGH! So he turned to bone and dust...and what does Inuyasha do? He uses Bankotsu, my poor, awesome, sexy Bankotsu as an example of _PURE EVIL! AAAARGHHHHH! _And before he died, I think it was in episode 112, the one after he comes in, Kagome shoots his arm with an arrow (so it turns to bone) and calls him a _COWARD! _HOW DARE SHE! That airhead probably couldn't think of a proper insult, but _SERIOUSLY_!" Konan howled, shaking her fist at the ceiling. She looked down, gasping for air, and saw Pain tugging on her skirt.

"Um...maybe you should calm down a little now..." he said awkwardly, and Konan froze.

She was standing on the couch, fist raised, a crazed expression on her face, and her friends were all staring at her. She coughed, embarassed, and blushed.

"I'm sorry...this wasn't supposed to happen any more..." she said, sitting down quickly, and wrapping her arms around herself, repeating the silent mantra the psychiatrist had given her; "Live my own life. It's not real. It is unimportant."

There was a long silence. Konan was blushing furiously, and her arms and legs were crossed so tightly it looked like it would take a while for her to unwravel herself.

"Soo...next question?" Pain said, and Konan snorted with laughter, mostly just laughing at herself. _It's lucky they already know I'm a freak, or they could be running for the hills right now. _

The next question was _What is your guilty pleasure Disney movie? _

"Aristocats." Pain announced automatically.

"Lay some skin on me, Scat cat." Sasori immitated, and Pain slapped his hand, grinning.

"Little mermaid." Kisame said, looking sheepish.

"Pinnochio." Sasori said.

"Ooo, a classic." Konan said teasingly, and he smirked at her.

"Lady and the Tramp." Hidan said, and there were a few stifled giggles (mostly out of Konan).

"Mulan." Itachi said, and Konan nodded: Mulan was a _very _good movie, although she'd only ever seen it in french.

"Aladdin" Deidara said, to general agreement.

"Beauty and the Beast." was Konan's automatic answer: she knew all the words to it. She reached into the hat and grabbed another question.

"_What is one secret that you've never told anybody?" _Konan read, then frowned.

"Well, that's silly. Even if you've never told anybody, you're just going to tell us now. So the _don't tell anybody about this ever _thing is ruined." she said. Pain shrugged.

"Well, it could be something about yourself that you've just never found important enough to tell anybody. Like, I don't know, the name of your first stuffed animal. What you'd like to name your second kid. Or what song gets stuck in your head most frequently." Konan nodded.

"Okay then. Who wants to go first?" she asked.

"I guess I could." Sasori said with a yawn. "A secret I've never told anybody ever...hmm. My grandfather didn't really die of cancer. His tea was poisoned." he said, and it was another sitcom moment: everybody scooted forwards, leaning in with a big gasp and a lot of "No!"s. Sasori nodded, and looked at Deidara, leaving the conversation there. Deidara played absent-mindedly with his dark blonde hair as he spoke.

"Ino's my second cousin." he said, and there was a collective gasp, and Hidan said 'No wonder you never fucking told...' in a low voice.

Itachi spoke next: "I used to have Peladophobia." he said.

"What's that?" Kakuzu asked. Itachi looked slightly embarassed: "Fear of bald people." There was a general shout of laughter.

Kisame's secret was that he used to put his father's hand in water when he was asleep, so he'd wet the bed, then move the cup so nobody would know. Kakuzu's secret was that he would hang his sister's barbies from the roof, then tell her that the King of the squirrels must have done it.

"A secret I've never told anybody." Pain said thoughtfully. "I guess I've never told anybody that I used to be scared of piercing guns." he said, grinning.

"Seriously? But you-" Konan began, pointing at his pierced-up ear. He laughed.

"Yeah, I got over it pretty quickly. I think I wanted the piercings more than I was scared of the gun." he said, and she laughed. "So, what's your secret?" Sasori asked, and Konan rolled her eyes.

"That one's _easy. _I used to be obsessed with Inuyasha. More specifically, Bankotsu. I never told anybody except you." she said. ]

"Yeah, but you've already practically _told _us that, Konan-bitch. So it doesn't count." Hidan pointed out, grinning.

"He's right." Itachi said, and Konan frowned.

"Oh. That sucks. Okay then...When I was eight, I really wanted to name my kid 'Armpit'." she admitted, and everybody laughed.

"_Armpit? _Poor kid, un!" Deidara said, grinning, and Konan sighed.

"I know. I was shocked, though, when my father said that it was a horrible name. I thought it was beautiful, at the time..." she said, suddenly realizing that she had been a very very strange child. And she probably hadn't changed too much.

"Next question!" Itachi said, grabbing a piece of paper. They went through _Have you ever peed in a pool?, Have you ever been skinny dipping?, How many people have you kissed, on the cheek/mouth?, What are your worst/ most embarassing habits? What is something you do when nobody's looking?, Have you ever walked in on somebody changing?, _and _What is the first thing you'd do if you were invisible for a day?, _along with dozens of others.

There were some pretty funny answers, too. Konan and Itachi were the only ones who had ever peed in a pool, Deidara, Kisame and Sasori had all been skinny dipping, Konan had only ever kissed two people on the cheek, and only one on the mouth (coincidentally, she was sitting next to him), whereas Sasori spent five minutes counting, while Deidara looked more and more irritated.

Pain's worst habit was spitting on people from balconies, Kakuzu's was kicking people in the butt when they bend over, and Hidan's was making barfing sounds behind people during romantic movie moments. When nobody's looking, Deidara tries out various hairstyles, Itachi does yoga, Kisame watches Desperate Housewives, Kakuzu plays cards with his stuffed cow, Hidan watches Hetalia World Tour, Pain cuts his toenails, Sasori reads Confessions of a Shopaholic, and Konan said that she argues with herself.

"But you do that out loud, too." Pain said teasingly, and she shook her head.

"It's not on _purpose." _she said, and he laughed. Deidara had walked in on Sasori, Hidan, Pain and Itachi while they were changing (and had walked in on Konan in the shower). Sasori had only walked in on Pain, and Konan had only walked in on Deidara. Itachi and Kisame had never walked in on anybody, and Hidan had walked in on Pain and somebody at a swimming pool. Kakuzu had walked in on Sasori and Pain.

"Do you change with the door open, or something?" Konan asked Pain, and he shook his head, laughing.

"No...Maybe I'm just too hot to resist." he said, and the guys laughed.

"I know somebody who thinks so..." Sasori said suggestively, looking at Konan, who looked at her big toe, hoping she wasn't blushing. But naturally, she was.

The first thing Konan would do if she was invisible for a day would be to go around the school, pantsing everybody she knew. Everyone liked her idea so much, that they all agreed, except Deidara, who admitted that if _he _woke up one day and found he was invisble, the first thing _he _would do would be to panic.

Deidara pulled out the last bit of paper out of the hat, and read it, grinning.

"What would you do to the person on your left for a Klondike bar?" he asked, and they grinned. Itachi went first: he was sitting to the right of Hidan.

"I would give Hidan a foot massage every day for a month." he said, and Hidan laughed. Next Hidan went.

"I'd lick Kisame's fucking armpits after gym." Kisame said he'd carry Kakuzu to all his classes for a week.

"For a Klondike bar...I would buy Konan tampons. But only if I was wearing a disguise, and it was never mentioned ever ever ever again." Kakuzu said, and the boys all laughed. Konan felt slightly...odd at the thought of a boy buying her tampons. That's kind of a gross thought, somehow. It was her turn. She glanced to her left, momentarily forgetting that she was sitting next to Pain.

"Okay. For a Klondike bar...and it had better be a _good _Klondike bar..." she began, thinking. She _loved_ Klondike bars.

"I would...remove all of Pain's earrings...and other piercings...while singing _Achy breaky heart_." she said, deciding that she could do that...maybe. Pain laughed.

"Sure. Okay, for a Klondike bar, I would give ten cents to _every single _person Sasori's _ever _flirted with." he said, and there was a collective gasp.

"_W-o-w. _That's _some _Klondike dedication." Kisame said.

"Imagine what's he'd do for 7up!" Konan said, and they laughed. It was Sasori's turn.

"I would write a sonnet about Deidara and write it all over him with purple ink." Sasori said, and Deidara smirked, rolling his eyes.

"Okay. For a Klondike bar, I would floss Itachi's teeth, un." he said, and Itachi laughed.

They all began playing Monopoly soon after that, with Kakuzu taking an early lead.

* * *

"It's Christmas Eve!" Konan said.

"Yes. It's Christmas Eve." Itachi said, looking at her like _you already knew that this morning, silly. _

"Yeah! So we should put up stockings and sing and stuff!" she said.

They were sitting on the stairs with Kisame while the others finished the Monopoly game. Konan had lost after only making it around to GO four times. Itachi had gone bankrupt a while after, from buying too much property and not being able to afford taxes, and Kisame had given up after morgaging all his property trying to pay Sasori after landing on Boardwalk. Kisame thought about it.

"Well, I guess so. We put up the tree yesterday, so I guess stockings should go up next. And if you can get Hidan and Kakuzu to sing, I'll pay you ten dollars." he said, Itachi nodding, and she grinned.

"Deal."

* * *

As everybody was putting up socks over the fireplace (Konan put up a pair of tights. "'the hell? You think you're gonna get, like, a puppy in there?") Konan sidled over to Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Hey!" she said cheerily.

"What's up?" Hidan asked as he nailed his stocking to the wall.

"Oh...I was just wondering if you two wanted five dollars." she said, and they looked at her.

"Why?" Kakuzu asked suspiciously, but intruigued at the mention of money. Konan bit back a grin.

"Well...Itachi didn't think you two would want to sing Christmas carols. But I'll pay you to prove him wrong." she said innocently. Hidan snorted.

"Hell no, I'm not singing. But..." he glanced at Kakuzu, who smirked. "...if you can get Deidara to go Drag and flirt with Sasori, pretending to be a girl, then we'll do it." Konan frowned.

"Why do you want him to do that?" she asked, and Kakuzu shrugged.

"For fun. Besides, Sasori always said that Dei would be a hot girl. Hidan just wants to get a picture of Sasori's face when he finds out it's really Deidara." Konan laughed.

"Okay fine. I'll try." She went over to Deidara.

"Hi Deidara." she said with a winning smile (it probably looked more like a smirk, but whatever.)

"Hey. What's up, un?" he asked, and she shrugged (why does everybody ask that?). She sat down next to him.

"I was just wondering if you could do me a tiny favor..." she said, beginning to realize that she wasn't gonna get anything out of this. She had already promised the ten dollars from Itachi to Kakuzu and Hidan. But whatever, this is fun.

"Uh, sure. What is it, un?" he asked, sitting cross-legged on the couch. She sat down next to him.

"Well, I'm trying to get Hidan and Kakuzu to sing," she began, and was interrupted by Deidara, who laughed.

"Seriously? Wow, good luck, un." he said, and she sighed, smiling.

"Yeah, I know. But see, they'll only sing if _you _do something." Deidara looked wary.

"What...?" Konan was really trying not to laugh as she answered.

"They want you...okay, you know how we're going outside soon?" Deidara nodded. "Well, they'll only sing if you dress as a hot girl and flirt with Sasori." she blurted. He looked stunned. And the he raised his eyebrow.

"What's in it for me, un?" he asked, and Konan looked blank.

"Uh...you'll get to hear Hidan and Kakuzu sing?" she asked hopefully, and he laughed.

"No. I'll only do it...(and if anybody takes a picture, I'll kill them...)...if you can get my man Sasori to go toboganning in nothing but a skirt, and you get it on video, un." he said, grinning, and Konan laughed.

"I'll try. If I do, you promise to do the...thing?" she asked, just as Sasori walked past on his way to the kitchen. Deidara agreed, and Konan followed Sasori. They were (luckily) the only ones there. Sasori turned to look at her, grinning.

"Hey there, Konan-babe! What's up?" (third time? Geez!) She sat on the table, swinging her legs as she answered.

"Well, I need you to do me a favor." she said, and Sasori turned and leaned against the counter, smirking.

"What d'you mean?" he asked, and she sighed.

"If I promise you that something really good and funny will happen if you do it, would you go tobogganing wearing only a skirt?" she asked in a rush, and he blinked.

"What? No way!" he said, and Konan's shoulders slumped; she knew this would happen. He looked at her oddly. "Why do you want me to anyways? You should ask Pain, it's really something _he _should be doing..." he said, smirking at her. She rolled her eyes.

"No. It _has _to be you. And if you do it...well, it's a secret, but Deidara will do something...er..._interesting_. But only if you do what I say." she said, and she saw Sasori's interest heighten.

"What kind of 'interesting'?" he asked, tossing her an apple, which she caught gratefully and bit into. She considered how to answer without giving it away: there would really be no point to Hidan's picture-taking if Sasori knew what was gonna happen.

"Well...let's just say that depending on your opinion of it, it could be really...er...sexy-in-a-kind-of-weird-and-perverted-way...?" she said, sweat-dropping slightly when he laughed.

"Okay. So long as you're right about that, and Dei-baby's gonna be _se-e-e-e-ex-y-y-y-yy-yyyy..._then sure. I'll do it." he said, punching her shoulder lightly, and she beamed at him: he was the first one she'd talked to who hadn't wanted something in return...and yet, she had spoken too soon. "Okay, I'll _only _do it if it's as awesome and sexy as you say, _and _if you get Pain to ask you to marry him on film. Only then will I wear a _skirt._" he said with a wave of his hand and a snort as he exited the room, leaving Konan slumped on the floor (she had slipped off of the table in shock and despair).

* * *

Pain found her sitting cross-legged under the kitchen table not too long after, and he sat down in front of her, making her laugh; his tall frame wasn't made for crouching under tables. Konan herself, was no dainty little nymph, so she wasn't in a world of comfort, her back against a chair leg, table legs digging into her knees.

"Hey. Are you waiting for an earthquake or something?" he asked, and she grinned.

"Well...I guess that I am dreading a disaster...so yes. Something like that." she said, and he laughed, giving up on trying to cross his legs and just lying on his front before her.

"What kind of disaster? You didn't forget to get somebody a present, did you?" he asked in mock-horror. She shook her head with a laugh.

"No. I made this bet with Itachi and Kisame..." she began, and he shook his head.

"Oh dear. That sucks for you. What do you have to do?" he asked, and Konan had a funny feeling that a similar thing had happened to Pain before. She sighed.

"Okay. Itachi and Kisame were going to give me ten dollars if I got Kakuzu and Hidan to sing Christmas carols. So I promised _them _the ten dollars if they did, and they said that they would only do it if they got the money _and _if I got Deidara to go Drag while we are out shopping, and go up and flirt with Sasori before revealing that it's _really him. _So Deidara said he'd do it _if _I got Sasori to go toboganning in only a skirt, and get it on film. So he said he'd only do it if what Deidara was gonna do was _really _as awesome and sexy as I said it probably-might be. But he _also _only agreed to do it if I got you to-" she broke off, blushing and looking down at her feet.

Really, it wasn't such a big deal. He could just..._say _it...and not..._mean _it...and it would all be okay.

"What are you supposed to get me to do?" Pain asked, amused. Konan blushed redder, and it got darker as she tried _not _to.

"You're so _cute _when you do that." Pain sighed, resting his head on his hands and grinning. Konan sighed and looked at him. The Something stared back at her from deep his eyes. _So what if SEXY-PAIN is...sexy. That doesn't mean that he won't do me this _tiny _favor. I mean, it's not like he's gotta really _mean _what he'll say, right? So...what's the problem? ASK! _

Konan blurted it out; "He wants you to ask me to marry you on cameraaaaaa...!" she said, breaking through her thin-as-tinfoil confidence at the end and bursting into a miserable whine. Pain stared at her, flabbergasted for at least ten seconds. And then he laughed loudly. Konan wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad bit her lip, looking at her knees, until Pain suddenly grabbed her arms, yanking her forwards. She toppled over into a hug, and he kissed her quickly, before grinning.

"Sure I'll do it! After all, it would be really fun to see Deidara dressed as a girl...do you think he'll look like Ino-bitch?" he asked thoughtfully. Konan snorted, getting over her huge shock at Pain's reaction to her strange request at last.

"I hope not. I'd never be able to look at him with a straight face again!" she said, scooting out from under the table and helping Pain extract himself from his similar situation.

* * *

Konan took a deep breath; this was getting to be much, much, _much _more complicated than it was worth! _And what the hell do _I _get out of doing this, huh? A few laughs? Trauma of worrying about what I'm gonna think when Pain asks me to freaking _MARRY _him just as a _JOKE? _YAAAAAAAA-A-A-A-A-Aghhh! Why do I have to spend my lovely, long, nice Christmas holidays like this? Wa-a-a-aA-a-A-A-A-A-a-AAAahhhh...Boohoohoo...waaaa...sobsobsob...waaaa. _And so on and so forth: these were Konan's varying thoughts as she paced the living room, waiting for the others to come down so they could go shopping.

"Okay. Well, Deidara fell asleep, and he won't wake up. Believe us, we've tried. So we'll just go without him, I guess." Itachi said as he came down the stairs. Konan looked up, trying to look surprised by this (Itachi wasn't supposed to know that Deidara would be doing his...unfortunate task.) As Itachi passed, he paused and muttered something to her, a smirk on his pretty face.

"So...do you want that ten dollars or not?" Konan rolled her eyes.

"_Trust _me. I'm getting it...kind of..." She trailed off at the end, remembering that she really didn't benefit at _all _from this whole thing. As they all pulled on their coats and boots, Konan was counting silently in her head; _Five...four...three...two...o- _

"Wait! We should sing some fucking carols first, right, 'kuzu?" Hidan said loudly, only then skidding into view, Kakuzu right behind him. They all turned and stared: they were both wearing Christmas hats and jingle bells around their wrists. Behind her, she felt Pain silently raise the camera.

"Hit it!" Kakuzu said charismatically, and Hidan flicked a button on the stereo. Brief silence...and then...

_Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer! (Reindeer!) Had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, (saw it,) you would even say it glows (Like a flashlight!). All of the other reindeer, (reindeer)... _

It had to be the oddest thing Konan had ever seen; Hidan and Kakuzu (who if you knew them, would _never ever in a million years _do this,) belting out _Rudolph, _with musical accompaniement, wearing festive hats and bracelets, as they 'sang' one of the more popular children's Christmas songs. She looked around, grinning, as Itachi and Kisame both placed five dollars into her hands.

"How'd you do it?" Kisame asked, amazed. Konan smirked, and tapped her nose conspiritorially.

"_Well..._I'm just that good..." she said, and Pain laughed, having heard, and wrapped her up in a hug.

"Did you get any good pictures?" she asked teasingly, seeing the big black camera in his hand.

"Yup. I _love _getting memories like these on film." he sighed as they all turned and trooped out of the house, Hidan and Kakuzu pausing only to stop the CD, get their money from Konan, and to take off their hats and bells.

* * *

"It's really too bad Dei-babe didn't come," Sasori sighed, and Konan hid her grin behind her gloved hand. "This really would have been funner if he had..." he continued as they passed yet another cafe. They were just coming up to South street, when they paused; a _very _interesting character had just turned the corner. Sasori, who wasn't looking, almost dropped his shopping when he _did _look up. Konan could almost hear that music from _Confessions of a Shopaholic_, when Alicia comes in; _Bad Girl_ by the pussycat dolls, incidentally.

Long, curved legs were half-covered by (what Konan knew was hers, along with everything else they were wearing) sheer fish-net patterened stockings, ending in black, ruffled high-heeled boots. They were wearing Konan's black ruffled dress (to hide their lack of feminine...er...curves..?) under her pale grey peacoat, which was left inticingly open. (Konan had the oddest idea that she was the only one who recognized these clothes as being hers. Go figure.) They were carrying a large, black leather bag (also Konans...okay, screw this, it's all hers.) which was slung casually over their shoulder. Their long, dark-blonde hair was windswept and flowing, covering the left eye nonetheless.

Sasori had frozen in his tracks. He was staring at the newcomer as if they were some kind of weird, wonderful hallucination. Konan heard the familiar click of the camera from behind her, and the new 'girl' scowled slightly: Deidara had not wanted any pictures of this most embarassing moment. Deidara walked up to them, swaying slightly in the high-heels (walking in them through snow was impressive nonetheless, for a guy).

"Hey, Sasori my man. What's up, un?" he asked, obviously trying to be flirtatious, but failing as he tried not to laugh. Sasori looked only slightly less shocked. Or slightly more. It was awfully hard to tell, because they were all behind him, unable to see his face. (Which, incidentally, was covered in shock) It was quite a while before he composed himself enough to speak.

"W...What are you doing?" he asked, completely flabbergasted. Deidara looked _very _embarassed.

"I...I don't know...un..." Deidara fidgeted, after looking at Konan, who shook her head; he musn't tell why. Sasori shook his head, walking around Deidara (who was now taller than him, instead of being the same height) and shaking his head again now and then, looking absolutly amazed and weirded out.

"Well," he said finally (it took so long for him to speak again, that Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan had ditched to get coffee) "you look very...sexy." he said, and the others laughed while Deidara scowled.

"Right. Thanks. Are you done shopping yet? I _seriously _can't walk around like this any more. These shoes are _killing _me, un." he said, and Konan howled with laughter.

She had lost the ability to walk she was laughing so hard, so Pain piggybacked her to the nearby cafe where they would meet the others. Sasori was now walking with Deidara. He kept glancing sideways up at him. When Deidara asked him if he had developed a twitch, Sasori laughed.

"No. I just can't get used to how..._tall _you are in those!"

Pain laughed loudly (Konan was still laughing into the back of his coat) and Deidara condescendingally patted Sasori on the head, making him laugh as well. They were almost at the cafe when a group of early celebraters (it was only 5pm) spotted Deidara from across the street. (Naturally Konan didn't count; she was being piggybacked, laughing hysterically, and wasn't looking anyways.)

"Oy! Gorgeous! Wanna come an' have a pint?" One shouted loudly, and the others laughed when Deidara didn't look around. They resorted to whistling. Deidara didn't even realize who they were whistling at, but Sasori did. He snarled, glowering at the men across the street. He began walking angrily towards them, but Deidara grabbed the back of his coat and pulled him into the cafe.

* * *

When they all got home (and after Deidara had been whistled at a few more times, and Sasori had been equally restrained) after shopping and drinking coffee and hot chocolate, it was time for Sasori's Great Event. (This is how they would refer to it every time it was brought up) At exactly 6:30 pm, Christmas Eve, in Konan's fifth year at school, her sixteenth year of living, she stood outside at the bottom of a large snow-covered hill with a camera, waiting for one of her closest friends to toboggan down wearing only her least favourite purple skirt.

"Okay! I'm going now, Konan-babe!" she heard Sasori yell from the top of the hill. She heard the jeers and cheers of the others, and then she saw him zooming down from the top. She turned on the camera, and waited. He picked up speed, clutching the toboggan as he zipped down the snowy hillside, the back of the skirt flying as he raced down.

Konan took one of him coming, his face shocked from his speed, one of him horizontal to her, the snow flying as he went, and one of him going past one was her favourite, and the one that made her turn scarlet when she took it; the ripply purple skirt was billowing up behind him. _I hope there aren't any werewolves around here, because there's a full MOON tonight! Lol..._(she often makes bad jokes in her head as an effort to make her less embarassed about things) Sasori's butt winked at her as he flew down the hill.

"AAaaack! Konan! How the HELL do I _stop _this thii-i-i-iiiii-i-iinggg...!" he asked as he zoomed towards the forest. Konan ran after him, losing her balance from laughing, the camera clutched in her gloved hand. Sasori was shooting like a bullet towards the trees as Konan thundered after him. She could hear the others laughing and running after as well.

"JUMP OFF NOW!" she hollered, and she watched through the camera lens as Sasori leaped through the air (she got a picture of that) and landed in a snowdrift as his toboggan crashed into a tree. Konan rushed towards him and heaved him out of the snow after making him swear that his skirt was covering his...er..._soldier of love, _as he had put it one night when drunk. She pulled him up and handed him the long trenchcoat she'd been carrying. He put it on, shivering and swearing in a low voice as they walked up to the others, who were meandering their way down to meet them.

"I really...feel like a...brr...flasher in this..." Sasori said, his teeth chattering, as he trudged alongside her through the deep snow. Konan laughed.

"You really do. But then, knowing _your _history, you probably have already flashed _dozens _of people whose lives just wouldn't be complete without a glimpse of your...er...perfection." she said sarcastically, and he winked at her flirtatiously.

"You know it!" he said, and she swatted him with her hand, making him laugh.

* * *

Finally they all made it inside. Deidara had long before changed out of what he called the 'Never-again-to-be-worn-outfit-of-terror-and-extreme-discomfort-un' outfit, and was now looking much more comfortable (not to mention manly) in semi-tightish black jeans and a loose dark blue V-neck with his usual fishnet tank underneath.

Konan was breathing a sigh of relief as Sasori got everybody a glass of cider. But her hopes were dashed when he returned and began handing them out; when he gave her hers, he bent low, winked, and murmured, "Don't forget your part, sexy girl. If you don't get Pain to do it, you are going to be very, very sorry on Boxing day." he said teasingly, but Konan knew him to be dead serious.

She nodded with a sigh. He continued on, passing out drinks until everybody had one, upon which he slumped down next to Deidara, pulling him against himself and leaning against the couch with a loud yawn. Konan, who was leaning similarly against Pain, looked up at him doubtfully, and gave him a tiny poke. He looked down at her, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She nodded at the unspoken question: now...? She sat up as Pain got off the couch and cleared his throat loudly. The others all paused in their various conversations, looking at him. He looked very solemn as he spoke.

"Gentlemen...and Hidan," he said jokingly, and Hidan scoffed. "I have a special announcement to make." he said, and they swivelled around, muttering slightly as they did so. Konan was surprised, and kind of scared; she had thought that he was quickly just gonna do it in a quiet room with just them, the camera, and the elephant in the room. But no.

Pain took her hand and pulled her up. She stood, awkwardly. He grinned at her, and she couldn't help but smile back; his smiles were just as contagious as his laughter. She heard her weird mantra run through her head; _I...Love...You... _It was odd how those three words seemed to softly whisper in her mind, like a gentle breeze through long grass, whenever she saw The Something in his eyes. And she saw it practically every time she looked at him when he smiled. He got down on one knee, still holding her hand.

There was a huge audible gasp.

And then she heard a loud, synchronized shuffle as _everybody _scooted forwards, watching like it was _The tragic saga of Pain and Konan, Season finale. _

Konan felt a blush creeping over her cheeks. She concentrated on unhappy thoughts; dead puppies, brutally slashed new clothes, persecuted innocents, the Hunchback of Notre Dame...it wasn't working. She was blushing like a tomato as Pain looked up at her, the ghost of an amused smile playing on his handsome, pierced face.

"Konan?" he asked quietly, and she couldn't find her voice. It was odd how she was acting as if he was _serious, _like he was _seriously _asking her to marry him.

"Yes?" she squeaked finally. He honestly looked like he was trying not to laugh. She could feel everyone's eyes glued to her and Pain, but she didn't dare look, for fear of cracking a rib from laughter.

"Will you marry me?" he asked simply, and there was a huge gasp and a soap-opera _Oh! _as they all drew breath as one.

Konan felt shaky at the knees. She swayed slightly before regaining her balance, and repeating the mantra she had _purposefully _gotten into her head whenever she felt like doing silly things: _I am calm. I am silent. I am cold. I am snow. I am calm. I am silent. I am cold... _She took a deep breath and looked at him. Wait...was she supposed to say yes? Or no?

She was beginning to panick inwardly now. If she said yes, then he might go _ooo...she's really serious in a creepy way. I'd better dump her, _but if she said _no, _then he might go _ooo...she's totally not serious about me...I'd better dump her... _and if she said maybe, then he might go _ooo...she's totally indescisive...I'd better dump her... _She mentally slapped herself. _Just be honest, _a tiny voice inside her head said, and she took _another _deep breath.

"Honey, I love you, but I just can't smile." she said, quoting her favourite game.

There was a moment of silence, in which Konan screamed shrilly inside her head, whilst _I...love...you... _and _I am calm, I am silent, I am cold, I am snow... _and _Ohmigod-what-did-I-just-say-Oh-crap-now-he's-gonna-be-freaked-out-and-what-the-heck-was-I-thinking-? _all ran through her head simultaniously.

And then Pain was roaring with laughter, and then everybody _else _was laughing, and then _Konan _was laughing, albeit a bit hysterically. She sat back down on the couch, and laughed quite scarily, her expression slightly crazed, as Pain dragged himself back up and next to her, still laughing.

Finally he calmed down enough to say; "Honey, I love you, won't you give me a smile?" That made her laugh.

He stopped her mouth with a kiss, and for once, Konan didn't care one bit that the others were there.

* * *

After dinner (fetticine alfredo, made by Kisame) they all sat in the living room, and started watching _A nightmare before Christmas. _Konan had never understood whether it was a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie, but she supposed it was a bit of both. Finally, after belting out several Christmas carols and laughing about the day's weird events, and wishing everybody a Merry Christmas, the others marched upstairs to their various rooms, and Konan beat Pain in the race to the bathroom and changed and brushed her teeth and washed her face, still singing '_A Meryy Little Christmas'. _She was wearing her Christmas Eve pyjamas.

She had specific ones for the Christmas season, Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, and New Year's. _I wonder why I have these, anyway..._ she mused as she pulled on her festive Christmas Eve pyjamas: red and pale pink horizontally striped ones, tight caprees with elastic top and bottoms, and a matching top that was really more of a day shirt than a pyjama shirt; snug, with a rather low front for pyjamas, but her father had given them to her the previous year, saying that if she wore them on Christmas Eve, good things would happen on Christmas day. Plus, the bottoms read _You callin' me naughty! _on the butt.

Konan left the bathroom, her hair in pigtails (or..bunchies? I really don't know what they're called, the two ponytails on either side of your head...?) with white ribbons. She had baked festively-shaped cookies earlier in the day, (setting a small fire in the oven as she did so) and as Pain changed, showered, and brushed his teeth, she took them out of the tin, and placed them decoratively on a tray, which she then placed on a counter. She got out a glass of milk, and put it next to them. She went and sat on her bed, humming with excitement; since she was sleeping in the living room, she'd have absolutely no trouble waiting up for Santa Clause.

She was just setting up her 'bed' next to the fireplace when Pain came in. He looked at her. Then he did a double take, noticing the cookies and milk, and her arrangement of blankets, sheets and pillows laid out next to the fireplace. Then he grinned, walking towards her.

"Don't tell me: you're waiting up for Santa." he said, sounding amused. Konan looked around at him.

"If you're going to try and crush my spirit by telling me Santa doesn't exist, then you can just stuff..." she broke off.

He wasn't wearing a shirt.

She could practically see all his piercings.

He had just had a shower.

He was only wearing dark red pyjama bottoms with black reindeer artfully scattered.

But that wasn't what caught and held Konan's attention. He hadn't towelled himself dry properly. His wet hair stuck up slightly, sticking to his face and neck in places. Water dripped down from it, down his shoulders, down his toned, calorie-free chest, down, down..._Ah...okay. I feel very fat. But more importantly, SEXY-PAIN! SEXY, SEXY, SEXY, SEXY... _He had, of course, realized she was staring. He was grinning at her, but also looked a little sheepish.

Konan snapped back into herself (she had been in lala land...ahh...good times...:3) and blushed bright red. She began busying herself with the blankets, kind of hiding behind the couch.

"Uh...um...yes. So...if you're going to try and convince me that Santa doesn't exist, you can just...just go away. I mean, seriously, some people just-"

She was cut off by two long, wet and muscular arms grabbing her around the waist and hoisting her up onto Pain's lap. He had sat down on the couch, and was grinning at her, his arms around shifted, so she had a leg on either side of him, kneeling so they were face-to-face, but she was still blushing and looking down.

Except down was at his abs.

_Aaahhhh...why is he so damn hot? Is it even _fair _for him to look like this? Seriously? _Pain laughed as her ears turned pink and her cheeks burned even redder. "You're adorable, Konan." he said, and the use of her name made her look up in surprise. He was looking at her, his head tilted cutely to one side, an amused smile on his mouth as The Something stared at her.

"Merry Christmas." she said weakly, and he grinned, poking her in the stomach.

"Oohh...right in the dough-boy tummy...way to go." she said with a small frown; first he shows up dripping wet and looking sexier than Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Mister I-vant-to-suck-your-blood Rob Pattinson all rolled into one. _Then _he is skeptical of Santa Clause. _Then, _to add insult to hormonal injury, he pokes her in her much-less-calorieless stomach.

Darn him and his sexiness!

He laughed. "I don't know _what _you're talking about." he said teasingly, taking her hands and waving them around a little as he spoke. She sighed.

"Do you believe in Santa Clause?" she asked, and he nodded seriously.

"I never stopped. And I punched a guy who was dissecting _Santa Clause is comin' to town _and telling everybody that he was a pedo-stalker." he said, and Konan shook her fist, a face of mock distaste on her face.

"How dare he." she said seriously, and Pain laughed, making Konan want to laugh, too. There was a brief moment of silence, which Konan seized, drumming a little on his chest absent-mindedly as she spoke.

"You're contagious, you know? Like a disease." she said, and he frowned slightly.

"What do you mean? I don't see anybody _else _with this many piercings." he said, casually fingering one on his shoulder. Konan shook her head, grinning.

"No, silly. I mean your _laughter. _I can't _not _smile when you laugh." she explained, and he grinned. They were quiet for a moment again, then Pain sighed, his hand sliding up her arm and shoulder (she shivered slightly, and prayed that he hadn't noticed) and tangled it in her hair. He looked thoughtfully at the white ribbons keeping it up.

"That's cute." he commented, and she blushed faintly at the compliment. "By the way..." he said, a charmingly amused grin spreading over his handsome face as he looked up at her. "...why do you shiver whenever I do...this?" he asked, demonstrating by sliding both his hands up her waist to her shoulders and back down, nodding as she shivered again.

She blushed, like blood in a bowl of milk.

"Er...you must be imagining it." she said evasively, and he laughed quietly, doing it again. She decided that it was time to stand up for herself.

"Eat this, Cookie monster!" she said randomly, and grabbed his shoulders, pulling herself up and kissing him. He kissed her back as she pressed him back into the couch. Terribly typical of the couch, it had an automatic recline function. The back of the couch bent back, and as Konan kissed Pain, she drew a happyface on his bare chest with her finger.

He broke away from the kiss, laughing. She kissed his cheek, his neck, down to his collarbone, proceeding to trace a heart on his chest as well. She knew he was tickilish, so maybe it was a dirty trick, but whatever. This was payback for the stomach-poking. He kissed the top of her head, circling her with his arms and making her look up.

"Would you do me the honor of waiting up for Santa Claus with me?" Pain asked, grinning, and Konan sighed dramatically.

"Well...since you asked so _nicely..._" she said, and he grinned at her happily. She liked making him happy like that. He's got this special expression just for her, just for Konan-made-me-happy times. It was like he was a little kid, who just got a great birthday present, hugs and kisses from his usually too-embarassed parents, and now he was riding on a merry-go-round, something he'd wanted to do for years.

And now he was doing it on his birthday, and he was going to have ice cream afterwards, to boot.

It was that kind of happy. And Konan, sitting wrapped up in his protective arms, her head against his chest, his chin resting on her head, felt like she was feeling just as happy as he was, simply because he was happy. Making him happy made her happy, she discovered.

"Honey, I love you, won't you give me a smile?" she asked quietly, her eyes closed in the darkness. She felt Pain laugh quietly, his warm breath fanning over her hair.

"Honey, I love you too, but I just can't smile any more than I already am." he said teasingly, and she sighed happily.

"Merry Christmas, Sexy-Pain." she yawned before falling asleep.

Needless to say, Santa evaded their night-watch once again.

* * *

Hope this chapter was okay! I know it took longer than my others, but I'm just feeling a little slow as the horrible doom-monster called SCHOOL is rolling around...*shudder* WEll, the next one's Christmas morning, and trust me, it'll be fun. I'm really looking forwards to the Valentine's day and Spring break chapters, as well as New Year's (it's weird how I think of chapters in holidays) ;3

Well, hope you liked it! Reviews are ADORED! (No seriously, I actually shout out "I GOT A REVIEWWWW!" whenever my email goes, and when it's not, I cry inside (okay, not exactly...3) Well, happy..er...lives! :)


	8. Dolore

** innamorato di dolore 3**

Okay! Yaaayyyy new chapter time! If you want to know what the title means, look it up ;3 HAhahaha, yes I will make my readers work! oh, unless you speak italian, then I guess you'll know...oh, and if it's wrong...well I tried. Online dictionaries are a little sketchy sometimes. Once again, thanks for the reviews (especially to Cake-Is-Life, your reviews always make me happy :3) Oh, and another video especially for this story: .com/watch?v=ayyScpEWD2o Ooooookay! Let's get the Christmas spirit going!

ACTION!

* * *

Konan opened her eyes slowly. Realizing she was really _awake, _and not still dreaming, she snapped them wide open, and sat up. It was morning. Well..._mostly _morning. The bright sunlight of dawn was streaming through the huge bay window, lighting up the room. Konan smiled, one that spread over her face like The Joker's. She looked around, excitement pulsing through her.

Pain was still asleep, one arm lazily on his face, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. She looked down at him, and realized with a jolt to the stomach and a small blush that he was just as hot and shirtless as he had been the night before...Christmas Eve...and it was Christmas Day! She leaped to her feet, spilling the blankets onto the floor, and shook Pain. (it was hard; he's pretty heavy) He made a funny noise and frowned, turning his head the other way. She sighed impatiently: doesn't this boob know it's _Christmas morning?_ She sat on him, legs on either side of his chest, grabbed his shoulders, and _shook _him. His eyes flew open, and he looked at her, still being shaken roughly.

"Stop it." he mumbled, a small grin on his face. Konan sighed impatiently and stopped, but didn't get off. She drummed on his chest. "Guess what day it is, sleepy head?" she asked dramatically, and he frowned, thinking. And then he grinned and sat up (making her fall off him, of course) excitedly. "Christmas!" he said happily, and she rolled her eyes, still grinning.

_"Yes. Now _he gets it." she said, standing up and stretching. He leapt to his feet, eyeing the full stockings and the present-laden tree happily.

"OOO LOOK!" Konan exclaimed, rushing over to the counter. Pain followed her, leaping over the couch.

"What?" he asked,and she pointed excitedly at the plate of cookies and glass of milk she'd laid out for Santa: They were empty!

"Wow! That's so cool! No wonder he's not...skinny...if he does this at every house!" she said, and Pain laughed.

"Yeah," he agreed as they put the empty stuff in the sink. "There were at least twelve of those things." he said, nodding at the crumb-filled plate. Konan frowned at him.

"_Things? _I hope you're not reffering to my masterpieces of culinary art." she said, and he laughed. They trotted up the stairs (okay, _Konan _trotted, Pain just...er...went up them...) to wake everybody else up; they simply _couldn't _start without them, it would be unfair. And they'd probably get yelled at. They stopped at a door with a sign on it that said, '_Sasori's room. Cower in fear._' Konan grinned at Pain, and on three, they opened the door. Konan carefully looked directly at the floor as they shouted MERRY CHRISTMAS! in case there was something she really _oughtn't _see.

"It's safe." Pain told her quietly, and she looked up.

Sasori was looking at them with an expression identical to the one Usagi-san had (in the beginning of Junjo Romantica, episode 4), propping himself up on his elbows, his chest bare and his expression mutinous. Konan grinned as she recognized dark blonde hair that surely belonged to Deidara spilling over the second pillow. She looked at Pain, and he nodded. Leaping onto the bed with many shouts of _MERRY CHRISTMAS! _(and a lot of swearing from the people under them), they proceeded to shake Sasori and Deidara awake, then jumped up and down on the bed. "_This _is why you were single for so long, Pain." Sasori said irritably, trying to extract himself from Pain, who was sitting on him and shaking him, a very cheerful expression on his face. Konan laughed as Deidara rolled over and pulled a pillow over his face.

"Are you wearing boxers?" she asked, and he gave her a thumbs-up. She scooted to the end of the bed, got off, and grabbed his feet. With a sharp pull, she sent him rolling out of bed with a shout. Finally they succeeded in waking the other two up and getting them on their feet.

"Okay. Now we wake up the others. Aren't you happy we woke you up first?" Pain asked, and Sasori glared at him.

"_Happy _is not exactly the sentiment I'm feeling." he said, but Konan saw him grinning as they moved to Itachi's room and burst in.

_"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" _they hollered, throwing themselves into the room and piling onto the bed. Itachi and Kisame were just as irritated as Sasori and Deidara had been, but they were smart about it, and got out of bed before they got completely bruised. Then the six of them crept to Hidan's door. Konan opened it silently, and they moved inside quietly. Hidan was snoring loudly, Kakuzu's hand over his mouth in a sleepy attempt to muffle him. They positioned themselves; two at the foot of the bed, two at the right, two at the left, and on Pain's signal, they all jumped onto the bed with screams of "_Merry Christmas!_", "_Happy holidays!" _and, in Sasori's case, "_Wake up, you lazy bastards, it's Christmas!" _

Hidan, (who was being jumped on by Konan and Pain) opened his eyes and began to swear in a way that would make a nun faint. Konan finally rolled her eyes and slapped her hand over his mouth while Pain heaved him out of bed onto the floor. Finally they were all awake and ready. They raced down the stairs (Konan tripping and falling onto Pain, who has the most miraculous reflexes on earth, and instantly grabbed her in a piggyback, instead of crashing onto the stairs) and zoomed into the living room.

"Stockings first!" Itachi shouted, and they all scampered over to their stockings. Konan took down her tights, and was grinning widely as she plunged her arm into the grey-striped, weighed-down legs. She pulled out at least three pounds of chocolate, camera film, two pairs of socks, a little doll with pretty black hair wearing a grey lace dress, and two oranges. The others had gotten similar things, except they recieved whoopee cushions instead of dolls, and more chocolate instead of film.

"Whoopee cushions? Seriously?" Kisame said in disbelief as he picked his up. Konan grinned and crawled over to the big Christmas tree.

"Can we open them yet? Can we? Can we? Canwecanwecanwe-"

"I can see you've already _had _your candycane." Itachi said with a grin.

"And everybody else's I bet." Sasori said under his breath.

"Okay. Alphabetical order, un!" Deidara said, and everybody laughed, because, of course _he _would be first.

"No way! It has to be _fair_!" Pain said, Konan and everybody else nodded importantly. Deidara grinned and asked what _they _suggested.

"What about a competition? Like...Chubby Bunny!" Konan said, and everybody laughed, agreeing. Konan zipped into the kitchen, and grabbed two big bags of marshmallows. She had only played once, but she was pretty sure that she wouldn't _lose. _She let Hidan start. He put a marshmallow in his mouth.

"Chubby Bunny." Two.

"Chubby Bunny." Three.

"Chu-ubby Bu-unny." Four.

"Chuuubeey Bunnyyy" Five.

"Chueebuee." Six.

"Chueeeeeeh" They laughed.

"So, that's five." Pain said as Hidan chewed up the marshmallows and (with some effort) swallowed.

Sasori only made it to four, Deidara got to six, Kakuzu tied with Sasori, Itachi quit at five, Kisame surprised them all and got to seven (big mouth, I guess), and Pain got to six. Konan took a marshmallow, her fourth one, and crammed it in the already tightly-packed space in her mouth.

"Chubby Buhhnny." Another.

"Chuhhhbyy Buhhhnyy." Another one. Konan was anounciating the best she possibly could.

"Chuuuubeeeehh Buhhhhhhneeeeey." One more, Konan thought, and she would tie with Kisame. She stuffed it in her mouth.

"Chuuhhbe-" her muffled voice stopped abruptly.

The others looked at her. Her eyes were wide, she was frowning. Her expression changed almost immediately to shocked. Her chest began to pop jerkily, and her eyes were starting to water. Pain knew something was seriously wrong when she started to turn a delicate lavender colour. He jumped up, pulled her up by the arms, moved behind her, made a fist, put it to her stomach, just above the navel, placed his other hand on top, bent her over slightly, then jerked inwards, forcing air up her windpipe. Six slightly-chewed marshmallows popped out of her mouth.

"There's another one still inside!" Itachi said, moving forwards. Everybody was staring; well, it's not every day your friend starts choking. Konan's eyes were wide, but distant, and starting to roll up; she was likely to pass out soon.

"Again!" Kakuzu said, and Pain nodded, biting his lip as he jerked his fist upwards into Konan's stomach. Nothing happened, except a few tears sliding down Konan's cheeks. Pain gritted his teeth and did it again, _hard. _With the force of an airgun, the last marshmallow popped out and flew across the room, hitting the opposite wall.

Konan collapsed to her knees, holding her stomach and gasping. Pain fell onto the sofa, looking just as shocked as everybody else. Konan had gotten her breath back, and had wiped away the tears. She breathed in gratefully, and looked up. Everybody was staring at her.

"Thanks." she said breathlessly to Pain, and he waved her gratitude down with a lazy hand.

"Just...don't do that again, okay?" he asked, and she nodded seriously.

"So...I vote Konan wins." Kisame said, and they all nodded. Konan sighed, rubbing her ribs with a weak smile. She looked at Pain.

"I would _not _like to be punched by you. Ever." she said, wincing as she foresaw serious bruising on her ribs. Pain laughed loudly.

"Well...scare me like that again, and I just might." he said, pretending to threaten her, and she grinned.

"Soo...present time?" she asked, and Sasori laughed.

"_Yes. _Present time."

* * *

Konan looked at the mountain of presents.

"Can I open one?" she asked, and they all nodded, grinning. She pulled one towards her. _Kisame. _She dug through the pile until she found one for her. She picked it up.

"Oooh! It's mine, un!" Deidara said, and she smiled at him.

"Aww! Thanks, Deidara!" she said, and Pain laughed.

"You haven't even opened it yet!" he said, and she bit back another grin. She carefully opened the paper.

"Any time before school fucking starts, princess." Hidan said, and she laughed, then looked at him, shocked.

"Princess? That's new." she said, and he grinned at her.

"Well, it's Christmas. And you were just choking. So...Princess. Now hurry the fuck up!"

Konan tore the paper off, and gasped in surprise: Deidara's present was a beautiful, white clay bird. She grinned when she saw that the large wings had hinges on them. She turned the bird around, so it faced them, and moved the wings gingerly. Then she laughed, so happy: On the bird's back, there was a picture frame, with glass and everything, and inside was a picture of her, Deidara and Sasori. She recognized it as the one they'd taken at Halloween, saying 'Sasori's hot' at the camera.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" she cried, sliding the wings back in place (when they covered the picture, it looked like a perfectly normal bird statue) and crawling over with it to hug Deidara, who was grinning.

"You like it, un?" he asked, and she nodded enthousiastically.

"It's really beautiful!" she said, and he grinned again, tugging playfully on one of her pigtails. Kisame opened the next present; it was to him from Pain.

He unwrapped it, looked at the cover of the box, and laughed; "An official mini air guitar? Gee, you shouldn't have!" he said, and Pain grinned.

"I didn't." he said, and Kisame opened the box, confused. Inside was a little clear guitar, no bigger than Kisame's forearm. But when Konan looked closer, she could see that it wasn't empty. Kisame took one look and laughed.

"Vodka, right?" he asked, and Pain nodded, grinning.

"It's from Germany. I ordered it ahead." he explained, when they gave him a weird look. Kisame thanked him and promised to drink it on special occasions. Pain snorted.

"No way. You'll probably drink it all tonight, knowing you."

Kisame winked as Deidara crawled forwards and grabbed a present adressed to him. "Oh great. It's from my mother, un." he said, and they grinned. He opened it, gasped in horror, and then rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"Typical. Mothers will be mothers, un." he said, and they looked at what he was holding. Sasori gave a great shout of laughter, earning him a hard push from Deidara (well deserved). Deidara's mom had sent him two pairs of festive boxers with little snowmen on them.

"Wait...those are pretty _rude _snowmen." Konan pointed out, and Deidara looked again. The snowmen were making a rather rude hand gesture up at him. He grinned, and looked in the wrapping paper for a card. He found one, and read it out loud.

"_Hey Deidara. Merry Christmas. I know you'll think these are from Mom. Well, she was the one who suggested boxers, but I was the one to pick them. Hope they're not too big or whatever. Merry Christmas again, from Dad + Jedediah. Xoxo, all that shit." _

Hidan laughed. "At least they're not from your mom." he said, and Deidara shrugged with a smile, tossing the wrapping paper into the 'paper pile' and putting the present and card behind him.

Hidan grabbed one of his presents, and announced that it was from Konan. Konan crossed her fingers, hoping he'd like it; it was pretty dificult getting a present for Hidan. He took off the wrapping paper, and looked at the book.

"_It's kind of a funny story. _What's it about?" he asked and Konan blushed, worried to no end that he wouldn't like it.

"It's about suicide. I've read it before, and it seriously makes you think _you're _the one that needs help." she said, and he laughed, looking at her. "But you _are _the one that needs help, Princess Konan." he said, and she laughed.

"Do you think you'll like it?" she asked tentatively, and he nodded, grinning and thanking her.

_Phew. Am I the only one who breathes a sigh of relief when they give somebody a present, and it _doesn't _'accidentally' get tossed into a wood chipper? Am I the only one? Probably. _

Pain took a present next.

"Okay...this is from...I don't know.." he said, frowning as he turned the package over, looking for a 'from' card, or something. He shrugged and opened it. It was a rather large, grey book. Pain read the title quickly, and then laughed.

"It's from my aunt. It's _Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder_" he read, and they all laughed.

"I think she's sent me my mother's present...normally she would have gotten me something like _31 reasons parents suck, _or something." he said, grinning and flipping through the book. Itachi leaned forwards and grabbed a present adressed to him.

He was grinning as he read, "From Kakuzu" while ripping off the grey wrapping paper. Two cube-shaped speakers fell out, along with a packet of multi-colored Sharpies.

"Decorate them yourself. They're portable speakers. There's a gift reciept and a return-by thing, too, if you want to get something else." Kakuzu said, and Itachi thanked him.

Sasori waded into the large pile of presents, and opened a puffy one that was adressed to him.

"It's from...Pain." he said, and Pain grinned at Konan, leaning over and whispering 'This is gonna be good'. She watched as Sasori opened it. He had to unfold a lot of it, and in the end, had to hold the top of it, standing up, so they could see what it was. It was a shower curtain. But not just _any _shower curtain, no. _This _one had three life-size, very realistic pictures on it. In the middle, they all recognized Sasori. He was facing away, wearing his grey longsleeve, and his head was tilted to one side, as if he was looking at something. On the right side of the shower curtain, Deidara was looking at them, scowling and wearing a red towel around his hips. It seemed to be taken just as he walked out of the bathroom. On the _other _side of Sasori was Konan in a towel, looking shocked. Everybody, after a moment of silence, burst into laughter.

"How did you make that?" Konan asked after she had gotten her breath back. Pain was grinning.

"I took pictures of you and Deidara and Sasori, and then I just edited out the backgrounds, and then scanned it in to a computor, and ordered the shower curtain from some company. It arrived last week." he explained. Sasori was still laughing as he looked at Deidara and Konan's varying expressions on the new curtain.

Kakuzu grabbed a present, and opened it. It was a cook book, called _How to stay reasonably healthy in 10 easy steps. _It was from Kisame, who swore that it really worked...sort of.

It was Konan's turn again. She grabbed a long, skinny present that said it was from Sasori. She unwrapped it, excitement mounting as her fingers fumbled with the paper. The long, black, skinny object rolled out, and she picked it up, looking confused.

"A...samurai sword?" she asked, looking at Sasori, who was looking excited, like he was waiting for a hilarious punch line he knew was coming.

"Open it, open it!" he said, and she did as he said. She slid the cover off of it, and gasped when she realized it wasn't a blade at all; she pushed a small button, and the large black umbrella popped open. There was a brief moment of absolute quiet. And then Konan burst out laughing. She remembered Sasori's exact words in the restaurant, barely three days previously; '_By the way...did I parchance see you attack somebody...with an _umbrella_?' _They were all laughing so hard that they had quite a bit of trouble catching their breath.

"I love it! I love it, I really do!" she said happily, and Sasori grinned.

"That's good. And just think: the next time you feel like beating the stuffing out of somebody with an umbrella, you'll have a nice, threatening-looking one!" he said, and she burst out laughing again.

Finally the huge pile of presents was shrinking. Kisame had gotten a Desperate Housewives season from Deidara, a new belt with slashes through the leather and a rough hand-made carving of a skull on the front from Pain, a large ornate dagger (from Konan), several books, and wireless headphones from Itachi.

Kakuzu had unwrapped a black sweater with a fake zipper, that when undone, revealed an under layer of rather realistic bones and muscles and organs and such from Hidan, a photo album with slashes through the cover and pages, so the people in the pictures would look a bit mauled, (from Konan) a book about the dangers of happiness from Itachi.

Hidan had recieved a season of Hetalia World Series from Sasori, a journal titled _People whose funerals I'd hate to attend _from Kisame, a black notebook with _Why I shouldn't kill somebody today _on the cover, a box shaped like a skull from Pain, and Make-your-own-fatal-wounds kit from Kakuzu.

Itachi got a yoga kit from Konan, a _Haircuts for the stylish studs of 2010 _book from Sasori, barber's knives that were exact replicas of Sweeney's from Pain, and a black longsleeve with Uchiha on the back from his brother.

Deidara had gotten a sculpting set from Kakuzu, a wallet covered with little paintings of a Chibi Deidara from Kisame, a black t-shirt that had odd japanese writing on the front, and it said 'read it sideways' at the top. They had all bent their heads to one side, where the odd characters suddenly became english, and it said 'you look stupid'. Naturally, that one was from Hidan. Konan had made him a cd, called **Frivolousness or Okay moan. **"It's an anagram." she explained, and there was a big _Oohhhh. _

Sasori had unwrapped a black ballerina dancer that Konan (who loved that's what he/she said jokes) had got him, after adding a recording of everybody saying something funny, then her voice saying 'that's what she said' right after. When he pressed the button on the base of the statuette, it would say in Pain's voice first; "Don't be a baby! Just swallow it!" then in Hidan's voice; "Why's it so fucking hard?" then in Kisame's voice; "More. More. More. Okay that's enough." then in Itachi's voice; "If you do that again, I'll break it in half, bastard." then in Kakuzu's voice; "Come on. It's not even worth the ten cents you paid for it. It's all limp." finally, Deidara's. Sasori insisted that he would probably just get hard from hearing that over and over again. Deidara said, a little breathlessly (he had just been running); "Oh sorry. You're all wet now, aren't you? I could stop, un..." Deidara had made him a scorpion (like his last name) sculpture out of white clay, which opened with a metal S that came with it on a chain. When opened, a tiny speaker inside would begin to play various songs depending on what day of the week or year you opened it. (For example, on the little calendar it came with, it said that on Monday Janurary 7th, it would play 'I want to know what love is' by Foreigner, whereas on Saturday april 29th it would play 'Sexyback' by Justin Timberlake. And there were no repeats.)

Konan would never cease to be amazed at how intricate and time-consuming Deidara's presents must have been to make.

Pain got a book called _What do your piercings say about you? _from Kakuzu, a motorcycle repair kit from Kisame, a black leather jacket with slashes through it from Deidara, an _I'm too sexy for you _shirt from Sasori, a motorcycle calandar with a mini silver motorbike from Itachi, _My Chick Bad _fake tattoos from Hidan, and Konan gave him a black box with a scribble-lines sketch of him engraved into the front in silver, and it was locked. She said she'd give him the key later, because she'd forgotten to wrap it.

Konan had unwrapped a large volume of Fmylife from Hidan, including one where somebody didn't get a part in a play because the casting director said that they had 'the emotional range of a turnip' and one where somebody's girlfriend farted loudly just as they were proposing. Pain had gotten her a large black sketchbook with her name and _Toujours _engraved in silver on the cover, as well as a beautiful silver necklace with a flower the exact shape of Konan's manditory paper one dangling from it. She hugged him, knowing that he must have made it himself, and proceeded to read the engraved words on the back; _I love..._she suddenly realized that there was a tiny button on it. She clicked it, and the end of a usb stick poked out. Determined to figure it out later, she opened her other presents. She got 'Can't touch this' underwear from Sasori, pretty flower bracelets from Kakuzu, six Emily the Strange t-shirts from Itachi, and a crowbar from Kisame, with advice to use it on Pain if he ever dumped her. "Wow. Thanks for your emotional support." she said drily, and he laughed. Finally Konan grabbed the last present to her from under the tree. Her eyes widened in surprise; "It's from Daddy..." she said, ripping open the brown paper. A white card with a small Santa on it flew out. She opened it, and began to read out loud.

"_My dear Konan. Merry Christmas. I hope this arrives in time. How is school? I know I haven't written to you in a while, but I'm afraid I've been a little busy. I hope you've managed to make a friend or two, if you're lucky. If not, don't worry. They're probably just shy." _Konan snorted, but continued reading._ "Oh, Happy Birthday as well. I'm sorry to say that I was unable to send you a present..._As if. He probably forgot. ..._Hope school is okay. Ah, yes, I almost forgot. You're rooming with boys, due to a rather amusing accident..._Oh wow. That's a late warning. _Be safe, and all that kind of thing. You know I hate talking about that. In any case, I hope you are having happy holidays. I'm sorry you can't stay with me during Christmas, but as you know I'm away. Not to put pressure on you, but I hope you return to the senses I hope you have, and get a respectable boyfriend before I next visit. Heaven only knows what your mother would say if you ever show her that tattoo, now I put my mind to it... Never fear, darling, I won't visit for quite some time. Business in this area is rather good, and I know you are a DIY diva. Hope you like your present. See you sometime... Merry Christmas, xoxo...Hope you're not ill, Love From Daddy." _she finished and laughed slightly; this was just like him.

No 'I miss you's or 'hope to hear from you soon's. She knew he probably _didn't _hope to hear from her anytime soon. She had come to face the hard truth that her father didn't much want to remember the daughter he'd had with the mentally disturbed wife he'd like to forget even _more. _No, it was all looking ahead, not dwelling on the past for her father. He didn't even stop to dwell on the present much...

She blinked and looked down at her present. She picked it up out of the brown paper, a small smile on her face. At least her Daddy never failed to amaze her with the perfection of his presents; this time he had gotten her a pair of grey fabric flats with purple ribbon and polka-dots on them, a pale grey chiffon dress and a matching black one, and a lovely grey velveteen rabbit.

"So...what are the chances of your father calling Pain respectable?" Sasori asked, filling the brief silence that had filled the room after the reading of the rather detached father-to-daughter letter. Konan looked up with a grin.

"Not likely. But...if I'm lucky, you'll never have to meet him." she said, looking seriously at Pain, who was leaning casually against the sofa. He flashed her a grin, which she returned, hugging the velveteen rabbit (like the one in the children's story, the one that had made her cry) to her and putting the clothes and shoes to one side.

"Okay. Now..." she said, looking at all of them.

"SsssssssNOWBALL FIGHT!" Sasori shouted, leaping up and sprinting away to get his jacket and gloves and boots. Everybody else followed him. Konan stood up, smiling. Pain grabbed her wrist lazily as she moved to follow, and pulled her down onto him on the couch. She looked up at him, and the second she did, he was kissing her, bending her back down onto the pillows of the couch. She kissed him back, happy but slightly bewildered. He finally pulled away, The Something glaring her right in the face, smiling slightly. He kissed her quickly again, and again before speaking quietly, tugging gently on one of her ribboned pigtails.

"Remember you promised never to scare me again?" he asked, and Konan nodded, frowning faintly. He grinned, kissing her again.

"Well. You almost broke that promise, silly. Twice in one week you could have died. That's twice you scared me. Two times is two times too many, little girl." he said, pretending to scold her. Konan sighed, pulling him down closer.

"I know. I'm sorry. But you know, I'm not _trying _to choke or get attacked and things. But it's nice you're worried." she said, and Pain shook his head slowly.

"No. Not nice. I think I'll die of a heart attack before I graduate if you keep this up." he said grinning, and Konan giggled.

"By the way...what's the usb on the necklace you gave me for?" she asked, but he just pressed a finger to her lips teasingly before kissing her. Still kissing her, he pulled her into a sitting position again and scooped her up, walking over to where their boots, gloves and coats were. The others had already sprinted out towards the large snow-covered field. So they wouldn't be interrupted. _For once, _Konan thought with a smile as she kissed Pain softly as he pulled on her gloves for her.

_Awwww! Okay. Seriously. Is SEXY-PAIN the best, or what? I mean, exactly how many guys will pull on your gloves for you while you're too busy kissing them to do it yourself? Is it just me, or is that adorable? It's just you... _

Konan ignored the arguing voices in her head as she and Pain opened the door and stepped out into the snow. Christmas Day; 11:16 am.

Over and out.

* * *

"Okay. Should we do this in teams, or every man-"

"And girl." Konan interjected. Itachi sighed.

"Right. Or every man or _girl _for themselves?" "How about we do it in teams first, then separate?" Kakuzu said, and the others nodded.

"That way," Sasori began with a grin.

"If you have a sucky partner, you can pummel them after." They laughed, and decided how to split themselves into teams of two.

"Okay. We could do it by age, so the youngest is with the oldest, or something..." Kisame suggested, and they agreed.

So the teams were Pain/Konan, Kakuzu/Deidara, Kisame/Hidan and Sasori/Itachi. After listening to stories of previous snowball fights her friends had had, Konan had decided that Pain was definitely dangerous when it came to this. And the Sasori/Itachi union would be serious trouble; both had amazing accuracy and stealth. Deidara was the best by far, but Kakuzu was sure to slow him down, because he couldn't make a snowball properly to save his life. She wasn't _too _worried about Kisame and Hidan. They were good, but she'd be more worried if it was a wrestling competition. And as for herself? She had never had enough frineds to throw snowballs at, so all _her _experiences involved hitting roofs and scaring cats.

"So. Rules are; if you're hit ten times by the same person, you're out. If you're out, you have to sit on the fence-" Kisame pointed to a long fence about thirty feet away. "-and wait for your partner to save you. They can save you by hitting somebody _else _ten times." he explained, and they all grinned; this wouldn't be too easy.

"Your team wins if both of you are still in, and if everybody else is out." Pain said, and Konan bit back a grin; it would be next to impossible to win against _all _of these guys.

"Okay. In ten minutes, the game is on. We'll stop in..say...an hour. The boundaries are..." Sasori looked around vaguely. "Okay. Ten feet into the woods is out of bounds because of bears. The lake is also out, and the fence, and the end of the field." Konan looked around the area he'd planned out; it was _huge. _

"So. Ten minutes to plan strategy and to build forts, snowballs, etc, un." Deidara said, and they all nodded and set off in various directions. Konan followed Pain to the corner of the boundaries, the edge of the woods and the end of the field. He explained on the way that it was better to have a base in a corner, so the other team couldn't sneak up on you without you seeing them. Konan took his hand as they walked, looking at her feet as they ploughed through the snow. It hadn't snowed the night before, so the snow only went up to the middle of her shin, but it was still a bit tricky to walk through.

"So...do you have a plan, or are we just..?" Konan asked, looking up at Pain, who grinned wolfishly.

"Oh, don't worry. We're just..." he said, and she sighed. He grabbed her and swung her around, ignoring her protests and yells. He finally put her down, only to tip her chin up with a hand and kiss her.

"Merry Christmas, Konan." he said, pulling her down in the snow and kissing her again. She kissed him back, confused but not minding (Seriously, who would _stop _SEXY-PAIN, right? ;3). Finally she managed to speak.

"Um...not that I want you to stop, but it's starting soon.." she mumbled, cheeks pink and hair ruffled. Pain looked at her and sighed, but grinned. "Yeah, I know. Don't worry. Oh...thanks for the present." he said, and she looked confused.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and he sighed, smiling.

"Well...you did the cover of the box yourself, right?" he asked, and she nodded, still not sure where this was going.

"Well, I just wanted to thank you. It made me happy." he said earnestly, and she blushed and looked at her knees.

"Oh, well...you're welcome...Thankyou for _your _present." she said, and laughed when he waved his hand airily.

"Yeah, yeah yeah. But...what's inside the box?" he asked curiously. Konan smiled, and tapped a finger thoughtfully on her mouth.

"Hmm. I can't recall." she said and he laughed.

"Okay. So. If we're gonna win this, we've got to think of a strategy before the game starts." he said, getting down to business. Konan nodded seriously, and he grinned at her.

"Have _you _got an idea?" he asked, and she was shocked. "

What are you talking about? _You're _the mastermind behind this one, Moriarty." she said, and he grinned.

"Okay. After about five years of this, I've got a few strategies on all of them." he said, and she listened attentively.

"Okay. Deidara is by far the best, but if you find out _his _strategy, and completely ruin it, he can't think of a new one fast enough. Sasori's weakness is Deidara; no matter if they're on the same team or not, if Deidara is about to get completely pummelled, Sasori loses his concentration, and won't notice if you just sneak up on him from behind. Kakuzu's the worst at this, but he's really hard to find. He's the one who, after all the good players have been taken out, will still be in the game, but not be much good. As long as you find him and get him early on, he won't be any trouble. Hidan throws really hard, but he never has a plan. He just goes in full-force. Get behind him, out-smart him, and then he's pretty easy. Itachi's really smart. He has loads of plans under plans under plans under plans, and he's fast and has good aim. So he's hard to get, but if both of his take him by surprise, you never know. Kisame shouldn't be too hard, but never attack him from the front, because he can throw further than you'd think. And...that's it. Are you good at snowball fights?" Pain asked finally, and Konan twitched; well, that was the only question she hadn't much wanted to answer.

"Er...sure..." she said awkwardly, and he grinned.

"Never mind. Just relax. Now, if we make lots of snowballs in advance, it won't help us if we go over there," he pointed to the middle of the field. "and _they _are sitting here waiting for somebody else to grab them and hit us with them. Of course, everybody has that problem, but still, there has to be alternative..." he continued thoughtfully. Konan watched him as he spoke, making snowballs absent-mindedly.

"READY?" They both looked up: Kisame was waving at them. They waved back.

"OKAY! SASORI?" They saw him turn and wave back to Sasori, who was about four hundred metres away.

"GO!" he shouted, and the game was on.

"So...what's the plan again?" Konan asked as they stood up. Pain grinned, watching the others do the same.

"Okay. We're going to stick together at the beginning, and watch each other's back. We might split up later for diversional tactics, but we'll try not to get too far away. If either of us gets out, then the other does whatever it takes to get them back in again. If both of us get out, then...well that would suck. Just...follow me, okay?" he said, flashing her a cheerful grin as he ran into the forest.

Konan nodded and followed. Since the boundary was ten feet in, they stuck to it, trying to use the trees as cover. The forest was immediately thick with trees the moment you stepped in, and although it's useful, you can't see a darn thing around you. _Can't see the forest for the trees..._Konan thought with a smile as she followed Pain. They stopped to load up a bit on snowballs, packing them tightly and holding three (one in their throwing hand, two in their non-dominant). Then they made their way closer to the edge of the field, staying behind the trees to stay out of view.

"Okay. You look, your hair doesn't stand out quite so much." Pain said quietly, and Konan nodded. She moved quietly around her tree and looked. She couldn't see anybody.

"Nobody's ther- huh?" she was cut across as a snowball flew just over her head, and Pain shouted; "Konan, duck!"

She ducked, then whirled around. Hidan had been just on the other side of her tree. He was now swearing and laughing, but was about to pound her with snow. She insinctively grabbed the lowest branch of the tree, climbing up. She quickly shook the branch above Hidan hard, so a huge avalanche of snow cascaded down on him, burying him in snow. She could hear Pain laughing as she started coming down.

"Freeze!" she heard him say, so she froze, and looked below her quickly. She was hidden from view, thanks to the thick lower branches. She couldn't see Pain, but she _did _see Kisame, Hidan's parter, walking just under her to help Hidan out of the snow. She counted his steps; _One...two...three! _On the third one, she jumped out of the tree, landing smartly on him, causing him to collapse to the ground in surprise, and then ran off to find Pain.

"Come on, silly." he said, suddenly appearing from her right and grabbing her hand, pulling her along with him. "Sasori's over here. Be careful. If we see him, we'll split up and take him from two sides." Pain said, and Konan nodded: this was starting to get more exciting. It was sort of like a mix of Hide and go Seek, Camoflage, Tag, and Capture the flag: you had to hide well, but be able to move a lot without being seen. You also had to run and get people while carrying snowballs.

And for all you know, you could be running straight into a trap.

After half an hour, Hidan and Kakuzu were out, Hidan by Deidara and Kakuzu by Pain. Konan had been hit twice by Hidan, once by Kisame, six times by Sasori, seven by Deidara, and had hit each of them back five times. Pain had been hit four times by Sasori, six by Deidara, twice by Itachi, and once by Konan (by mistake). Pain and Konan were standing in a small clearing, four feet from the edge of the woods, looking around, snowballs in hand. Konan's feet had gone numb long ago, but whatever. At least she was moving, and not sitting on a fence. Suddenly, there came a rustle and a crunch of a footstep to her left. She moved behind a tree, and saw Pain do the same. They saw Deidara come into the clearing, grinning and looking around, snowballs ready. Pain caught her eye and pointed at him, as he turned and exposed his back. Konan nodded, stepped out, and hit him square between the shoulders with a flurry of snowballs.

She laughed as he span around, grinning, saw her, and then got hit by Pain. Sasori suddenly burst into the clearing, seeing Deidara getting pummelled. Snowballs began flying everywhere. Sasori was so fast at making new snowballs while dodging ones being thrown at him, that Konan was out pretty quickly. She told Pain, then ran off across the field to sit on the fence, were Hidan and Kakuzu were still sitting.

"Hey, bitch. Who got you out?" Hidan greeted her as she struggled to climb up onto the fence.

"Um..Sasori." she said, scrambling up. She had just managed to sit precariously on the top when there was a great shout of truimf, and she overbalanced in surprise. Hidan and Kakuzu could only stare in shock as she tipped backwards with a yell, and fell off the fence into the snowdrift below her. She was now very cold, three feet deep in snow, looking bewildered up at them, on the wrong side of the fence. There was a long pause, and then Hidan and Kakuzu burst out laughing. Deidara came over, looking grumpy, then stopped and asked what was so funny. Hidan, who was happy because he was back in, told him to look over the fence. Deidara clambered up, sat next to Kakuzu, and looked behind him, where Konan was struggling to extract herself from the snowdrift.

"Oh wow. Smile, Konan, un." he said, grinning down at her and brandishing a camera. Konan looked up in time to see it flash. She struggled to her feet (which promptly sank into the snow) and stretched.

"Okay. Watch out, Deidara. Or _you _might be the next one to fall off." she said, smiling and clambering back onto the fence. She put her hands on the top, and jumped, trying to find grip on the planks of wet wood. She managed to get her stomach on. Then she swung over her left leg and...lost her balance. Just as she was about to fall off, however, she grabbed Deidara's jacket. He yelled, and began to fall as well. Konan was hanging head-first off the fence, only her knee and below clinging on, and one hand grasping Deidara's jacket pocket desperately. Deidara was clutching the fence, his legs and butt hanging off thanks to Konan. Kakuzu, who could have helped, was roaring with laughter.

"This...isn't funny, un!" Deidara hissed, straining to keep his grip on the fence. He was actually supporting 90% of Konan's weight, and most of his own wiht only his arms. Pretty impressive.

"Deidara...please don't drop me." Konan said, looking at the three-feet drop between her head and stepped-on snow, which was pounded down and would definately hurt to fall head-first onto.

"I know...but if you'd just fallen _properly _and not grabbed me, we wouldn't be having this problem, un." Deidara said, trying not to laugh.

"Need help?" Kisame asked mildly. Konan looked up (an impressive feat from her angle) to see his feet to his knees. Wow.

"Er...yes, please." she said, and he laughed. He grabbed Konan around the waist and lifted her up. She released her grip on Deidara, and he managed to pull himself back up. Kisame put Konan back on the fence, and she thanked him.

"Your face is red." he commented, and she scowled.

"Right. And naturally, it couldn't _possibly _be for the obvious reason that I've just been hanging upside-down for the last five minutes. No, it _has _to be for some _other, _more sinister reason like I'm wearing Itachi's underwear or something." she sniffed, to the general amusement of her companions.

"Are you?" Kakuzu asked, and she snorted.

"_Absolutely." _she said sarcastically, and they all laughed.

Pain eventually managed to get Konan back on by pummelling Sasori, who had also got Kisame out. They were finally too exhausted to continue, and they all trooped back inside, panting, cold, and grinning.

"Lunch time!" Kisame announced, and (after struggling to remove sopping wet gloves, boots, and coats) they all raced into the kitchen.

"Who's turn is it to cook, anyways?" Itachi asked, and they all shrugged.

"Well, whatever. There's loads of KD around here. We can just make a whole bunch and then decide what to do before dinner." Sasori said. Soon, at least six boxes of KD were boiling away in various pots, and they were all spread out in the living room.

"So, what should we do?" Konan asked, pulling aimlessly on the edge of her sock.

"We could have a scavenger hunt...you know, like the ones they have at the end of year party at school, un." Deidara suggested, tugging slightly on his long hair.

"Sure! Why don't we split ourselves up into two teams, and everybody writes one item for the other team. And then we can go out into the town if we have to, and then be back by six." Sasori said, walking in with huge bowls of macaroni and cheese, and handing them out.

"They have a scavenger hunt at the end of the year?" Konan asked, poking her macaroni with her fork.

"Yeah, they're fun. The school's divided into lots of groups. Usually there's a prize for the best team in each grade or something like that. You just go around the school, getting pictures with certain teachers, autographs from first years, somebody's underwear...stuff like that." Pain explained, and Konan nodded.

"Alright then, let's do it." Hidan said with a grin.

"That's what he said." Kakuzu said in a low voice behind him. Hidan whirled around, a grin on his face.

"You know what, 'Kuzu? Eat a dick." They all laughed.

After the huge bowls of macaroni were (miraculously) gone, they split themselves up into two teams.

"How about we do this evenly, so all the crappy people (that's you, Konan) aren't all on one team." Hidan said, and Konan flung a pillow at him, which caught him in the back of the head.

"Okay, fine. We could do team captains and just pick, un." Deidara said casually.

"Good. So who are the captains?" Konan sighed; it seriously takes _forever _to make a desicion around here. Finally Sasori and Itachi were decided as captains. Sasori predictibally chose Deidara first, Itachi (just as predictibally) chose Kisame. Then Sasori chose Pain, and Itachi chose Hidan. Sasori chose Konan (and then proceeded to tell her it was only because she was hot, which she responded to by elbowing him sharply and glaring at the ground) and Itachi chose Kakuzu. Somehow Konan got the feeling that the teams were not quite as even as they'd hoped, but she wasn't about to suggest they strain their brains thinking up a different division tactic. The two teams grabbed a sheet of paper each and pens, and Itachi's team left to write up their scavenger list in the kitchen.

"Okay. We need ten things, and there are four of us. So each of us thinks up one, then we all vote for two more." Sasori said, and they all nodded.

"We might as well try and make certain ones specifically harder for certain people, just for fun." Pain said casually, and they grinned.

"Okay. First one...We've got two cameras, right?" Sasori asked, and Pain nodded.

"Good. So the first one will be a picture of Kisame kissing a girl." Sasori said, smirking, and they grinned.

"Second...a picture of the inside of the girl's bathroom in the bar, complete with girls, un." Deidara said, brushing the hair away from his face as he spoke. Konan laughed; this was such a typical 'boys-have-cooties' kind of thing.

"Third...a reciept from the drug store for an Elle magazine, tampons, nailpolish, and pink eyeshadow." Konan said, and the boys laughed and Pain wrote it down.

"Fourth one...a picture of one or more of them mooning/flashing an elderly person." Pain said, and Konan snorted.

"Poor elderly person. Let's hope they don't start pushing daisies because of the shock." Pain grinned at her.

"Fifth.." Sasori began, thinking. "...a picture of all of them with Santa _not _wearing his beard." They scribbled it down, grinning; Santas would be pretty hard to find today, since it's a holiday. Luckily the stores near Sasori and Deidara's house stay open on Christmas, because of huge numbers of volunteers.

"Sixth, a phone number of a hot guy/girl, un." Deidara said, and Sasori bit back a grin.

"Eighth..." Konan thought. What would be hard, but _possible _to get in three hours? Er... "...girl's underwear in every colour of the rainbow, tops and bottoms." Konan said, and Pain snorted with laughter.

"I'm really glad you're on _this _team, Konan." he said. She asked why. He looked at her, grinning. "Because, as a girl, you know _exactly _what guys fnd most embarassing or difficult to get hold of." Konan smiled and sighed.

"Well...it's never too late for a sex change if you've finally realized that girls are better..." she said, and they cracked up.

"That's okay. I'm happy being the sexy beast that I am, thankyou very much." Sasori said, and Deidara rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"Nine. A picture of all of them in fishnet tights and heels, doing the cancan in the middle of the street." Pain said, and Konan, imagining this, had _lots _of trouble stifling her laughter.

"Okay. Two more. Any ideas?" Sasori asked, and they all thought.

"Picture of them hula hooping in the snow?" Konan suggested, and they agreed and wrote it down.

"Get ten people to slap their butt _without asking_, un." Deidara said. They immediately wrote it down, calling it genius.

"Ready?" Pain called to the group in the kitchen. There was a muffled shout of laughter, then "Yes..."

They met up, exchanged sheets, agreed to meet here in three hours, and the losing team would have to run all the way across the field and back _completely _naked except for girl's underwear (for Konan, it would be boy's), and it would be caught on video. Konan's team immediately flew outside and under a street lamp to read the list.

_One: Get a piggy-back ride from a complete stranger._

_Two: Have a guy give you a condom._

_Three: Have a guy give you his underwear._

_Four: In public, shout I LOVE SEX! Seriously, I must be a nymphomaniac!_

_Five: Get a kiss on the cheek from a stranger._

_Six: Re-enact the kiss scene from Romeo and Juliet, with pictures of the crowd._

_Seven: Use a cheesy pick-up line on a stranger._

_Eight: Get a picture of one of you kissing the butt of another._

_Nine: Get a girl to put money down your pants._

_Ten: Get a pick-up-and-spin-around-hug from a gay/bi STRANGER._

Konan stared at the list. It wasn't _so _bad, but it wasn't _nearly _as bad as the one they'd given the other team.

"Okay. I think Konan's going to be doing most of these.." Sasori said finally, and she looked up, surprised and irritated.

"Why me?" she demanded, and he smirked, pointing out numbers one, two, three, five and six.

"So what? I'm sure any of _you _guys could...get a piggy back and a condom and...a kiss on the cheek...and why do _I _have to do the Romeo and Juliet thing?" she asked immaturely. Pain laughed.

"Seriously. We need pictures of a _crowd _watching. I doubt we'd get much of a crowd if it was, say, me and Deidara. I think we'd just get stared at." Deidara laughed.

"Well, I guess we'd better get started. Let's go." Konan grumbled, and the guys gave each other grins behind her back as they followed her down the snowy street. _This had better be worth it. If I don't get a nice video of the other team running around in girl's underwear in the snow, I will be very, very vexed. _Konan thought as she ambled along down the street.

"I think most of these will be easier in the bar, or the club.." Sasori said, so they followed him to the (miraculously open and, for some weird reason, busy) dance club.

"Do we have to pay?" Konan asked nervously, looking at the doors as they crossed the street. Sasori laughed.

"No. Christmas Day and New Year's is free, unless you want a drink or something." They walked in. Music was pounding out of huge speakers, and a huge throng of people were dancing, even though it wasn't really dark outside or anything.

"I think this is the place for you to get the boxers, the kiss, and the condom, Konan, un." Deidara called above the loud music, and Konan rolled her eyes and disappeared into the throng.

"Think she'll be okay?" Pain asked after a minute. Sasori thought.

"Um...probably not. I really don't think that girl knows too much about modern society." he said casually, and Pain rolled his eyes and pushed through the crowd, following her.

Konan was concentrating, looking for somebody who might fall for number seven, the cheesy pick up line. She found a guy who looked twenty-ish. He smelled like he'd been drinking a little, but wasn't staggering or anything, so he should be fine. She walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked around, then down at her in surprise. She forced herself to speak.

"Um...um...can I ask you something?" she asked, and he looked up, looking a little confused (maybe that's just the alchohol) but smiling.

"Sure." he said, and Konan almost gagged from the alcohol on his breath.

"Okay, um, could you do me a huge favor?" she asked, and he cocked his head to one side, leaning against the bar, still not letting go of her hand.

"Depends on the favor, sweetheart." he said, and she grimaced inwardly, hoping to _never _again be called sweetheart by somebody like him. Konan decided to simply be honest.

"I just need...I'm on a scavenger hunt. I need you to kiss me on the cheek, or give me your underwear, or a condom...or something..." she said, trailing off awkwardly. The man grinned again, swaying a little as he stood back up.

"Well sure, darlin'" he said, bending over and placing a hand on her chin. Konan flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, tensing, as the man's face drew nearer.

"On the cheek, on the cheek-" she said desperately. The man grinned, turning her face to kiss her mouth. But just before his awful mouth touched hers, he was pushed away, and Konan was grabbed around the waist. She looked up, relieved, and saw Pain, looking _very _angry. "On the cheek, asshole." he said, and the drunk man looked at him resentfully.

"Fine then. Only for the darlin' girl, mind. Wouldn't do a thing for..." the man's mutterings grew too low to hear. He kissed Konan briefly on the cheek and tossed her a condom out of his pocket. Konan then proceeded to put it in Pain's pocket, and to wipe her face desperately with the sleeve of her sweater as they pushed through the crowd.

"Well _that _was disgusting." Konan commented, taking Pain's hand and following him through the dancing people.

"You really are silly, you know, Konan. If you ask me, you're lucky I love you so much, or you'd probably not be here right now." he said drily, and Konan sighed, hugging him tightly as she walked. He wrapped a long arm around her, tugging affectionately on a lock of her blue hair.

"I know. I know, I know..." she sighed as they met up with Sasori and Deidara, who had succeeded in getting a pair of a guy's underwear.

Before they left, Sasori shouted "I LOVE SEX! SERIOUSLY, I MUST BE A NYMPHONIAC!", completing task number four, and earning them a lot of stares and embarassment. "Okay...who wants to do the cheesy pick-up line, un...?" Deidara asked as they left the club.

"Pain's turn." Konan said automatically with a grin. Pain sighed dramatically. They walked down the snowy street a bit until a boy around their age with spiky brown hair, a nose piercing, a purple V-neck and tight black jeans turned a corner and began walking towards them, his bright yellow sweater half-zipped up. Just before he passed, Pain spoke to him in a loud voice.

"I'll give you a nickel if you'll tickle my pickle." The guy took a double-take, then shook his head with a weirded-out expression, and hurried down the street.

Konan was speechless. The others were just as silent. Then Konan began to quiver violently with silent laughter, her mittened hands slapped over her mouth, tears streaming from her eyes as she laughed, bent-double.

"T-tickle your...your _what!_" Sasori asked, bursting into laughter. Deidara was holding him for support, bent-double as Konan was. Pain grinned awkwardly, shuffling a little uncomfortably. "I...well...it's the only one I could think of at the time..." he said as Konan and Deidara collapsed to their knees, Deidara banging his fist on the ground as he laughed, Konan in fits of hysterical giggles. Sasori had vaguely managed to regain his composure. He whipped out the list, shot Pain a sly, sideways glance, and said "Number Seven: complete."

Finally they began numbers one and nine. Sasori was going to go into another bar and do number nine (with Deidara supervising, of course) while Konan (with Pain's assistance) completed number one.

"Okay. So, the plan is, you sit down in the street, and look like you're in serious pain, clutching your ankle. I'll go for help, and say I've got a cast on my thigh, preventing me from carrying you myself. Got it?" Pain asked, and Konan nodded. He walked up the block a bit, then gave her a thumbs-up. She grinned, then, after making sure nobody was around, collapsed down in the snow, near a fire hydrant (their story would be that she had walked into it without seeing it). Not too long afterwards, Pain came back around the corner with a thirty-something year old man, who looked troubled. Konan immediately, grimaced, putting on an expression of extreme pain.

"Where do you need to get to, young lady? This man says that you're hurt.." the man said, bending low. Konan looked up at him tearfully.

"Oh...thank you...I should be fine if you could just get me to that...er...7eleven...I'll use their phone..." she said, looking injured and pained as she spoke.

"Oh...if it's a phone you need, I've got.." Drat.

"NO!" Konan shouted, and the man looked shocked. She quickly backtracked. "I mean...that's so kind of you...but really, I need to use _that _phone." she said, pointing at the 7eleven three blocks up.

The man considered for a moment before standing up and helping her to her feet, turning around, and telling her to jump. Konan did so, and almost fell off, before Pain pushed her butt further up on the man's back. She shot him a look, and he smirked, raising his eyebrows. She rolled her eyes, and continued her sounds of pain and whimpering. The man dropped her gently at the 7eleven, and she thanked him and hobbled in with Pain's help. As soon as he was out of sight, Pain began to laugh.

"What?" Konan asked suspiciously. He shook his head, still laughing.

"I swear...your expression...you looked like you were in _labour _instead of having a sprain." he said, and Konan blushed and crossed her arms, sulking.

They finally met up with Sasori, who had gotten ten bucks off a random girl. Deidara had even completed number 10 after joining in a gay/bi karaoke of _Fuck you _(lily allen). Konan had kissed Deidara's butt behind a convenience store, resulting in about 2 minutes' worth of awkward conversation. So all that was left were numbers 5, 6, and 8.

"Okay. So Konan and I will figure out number 6...can you guys do number 5?" Pain asked the others as they walked down the street again. It had begun to snow, and their breath fogged in front of them. "Sure. Consider it done, un." Deidara said, and Sasori slung an arm casually over the blonde's shoulders with a grin.

Twenty minutes later, Sasori and Deidara were going around and advertising the amateur production of Romeo and Juliet, taking place in the small town square. Konan was bright pink from nerves as she stood on the bench by the war memorial, and Pain was on one knee below her. Thank goodness she'd memorized Romeo and Juliet. She just hoped Pain could improvise enough to pull this off. Sasori and Deidara had a camera ready as soon as more than five people paused at once.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefort art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name! Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet." She said, loud and clear, blushing like a tomato in august. Or whenever.

Pain seriously looked like he was cracking ribs from trying not to laugh as he raised his hand dramatically and tried to think up some Shakespearian junk that could vaguely pass. She had given him a basic outline of the rest of Romeo's lines. Hopefully he'd be fine..

"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" he asked the 'audience', and Konan breathed a sigh of relief that he'd remembered this line. She half-stepped forwards dramatically before catching herself after almost falling off the snowy bench. Embarassing. Poor, ungraceful Juliet.

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montegue. What's Monague? What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,  
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself."

Finally Deidara snapped a picture of about fifteen passer-bys who had paused to watch. Pain had somehow made it through his improv speeches, and they stopped before another character could interrupt.

"Thank you, thank you..." they said, before hurriedly rushing away from the scene. Konan hadn't stopped blushing fifteen minutes afterwards. Deidara had gotten a kiss on the cheek from a pretty woman who was selling cookies.

"Finished!" Konan exclaimed happily as they rushed back home. They burst in the door, but as soon as they did, the others rushed in the back door. It was a stupid, fluke-ish (yes, that is now officially a word, I say so.) tie.

Rats.

Christmas Day, 7:00 pm. Eight teenagers sprinted across the field. Seven of them wearing bras and panties, one of them in boxers, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest.

Merry Christmas, to one and all.

* * *

Okay, sooooo sorry about the delay on that one! But it's longer than the others, so I hope that makes up for it. Don't worry, there's still Christmas dinner and stuff, and New year's...and yeah, so there's plenty more stuff to come before they go back to school.

Review! PLEAAAASE REVIEWWW! :3!

Lots of love, Sailor-Nova :3


	9. Something like Love

**If it's love  
**

Thanks for the reviews, once again! I really love reading them, so _don't stop! _:3 Okay! Thanks for reading, and please review, subscribe, and everything! :3

* * *

Konan rubbed her eyes. After a ginormous Christmas dinner the night before, and after running through a freezing cold field _without a shirt! Ew..._ She was totally pooped. Not quite literally, but definately figurately. It was Boxing day, and in celebration of Christmas, (but mostly because of exhaustion) everyone had slept downstairs with her and Pain, so it was a _little _squishy. Even without opening her eyes, she could feel that she was sort of lying on Pain, his arm loosely draped around her shoulders, her legs were splayed over Hidan's back, and she could guess that the others were squished around them, or else had cleverly claimed the beds/sofas. She opened her eyes sleepily when she heard a weird click. The room was a blur until she had blinked a few good times, and when it _did _come into focus, she was confused: she could see Itachi standing on the edge of the carpet, grinning at her, holding the camera. She didn't know why this could be picture-worthy, and somehow she didn't _want _to know. She groaned slightly as she slithered out from under Pain's arm and sat up, rubbing her eyes some more.

"HAPPY BOXING DAY!" Konan fell over again from shock and surprise. There was a loud chorus of laughter when she did. She frowned and opened her eyes, sitting up again. Everybody else seemed to have been awake the whole time, even Pain, and had waited until she 'woke up' to practically make her piss her pants. Nice, guys. Nice.

She finally dragged herself to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and sort of her hair, washed her face, got half-changed...and then she fell asleep again in the bathtub after drawing the curtain to keep the bright lights out. Of course, in her slumber, she didn't realize that A) she hadn't bothered to lock the door. B) Pain wanted to take a shower. C) Pain came in, locked the door, stripped, and was reaching a hand towards the hot faucet for the shower. She also didn't know about D) that as soon as his back was turned, muffled laughter came from outside as certain persons unlocked the door with a screwdriver and took his clothes, then propped a chair up against the handle. Konan would soon come to realize _all _of these things as hot water suddenly jetted towards her from somewhere above her head. She yelped silentely (she had lost her voice after all the screaming and stuff last night) and struggled to figure out what was going on, trying to get to her knees in the slippery tub. Any thoughts of '_where the heck is the water coming from?' _were lost as she opened her eyes (she had screwed them shut to keep out water) and yelled as a foot, closely followed by a leg had entered the tub.

"YAAAAAA! WHAT THE HECK!" she yelled, turning away and slapping her hands over her eyes, continuing to yell things at the weirdo. There was a moment of silence from the other person. And then-

"Konan?" Konan didn't dare turn, but she was appalled to recognize the voice of Pain.

"Pain? What are you doing! What's going on?"

"Um...I'm having a shower...or I was _going _to...but...why are you in here?" he asked awkwardly, making sure to keep the shower curtain (which was _relatively _opaque) between them as he spoke.

"I fell asleep in the bathtub! I guess I didn't lock the door...Um, can you turn off the water?" she asked, and Pain laughed shortly, turning it off. Konan got up, and pushed the curtain aside to step out, until she heard a funny shout of "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" She suddenly remembered that he was _most likely naked, _and gasped, slapping her hands over her eyes. She was in mid-step, so she naturally lost her balance. She felt two arms grab her and place her down on the floor.

"Okay. I'll just...er...get dressed, and then- What?" Pain sounded confused.

"What's wrong?" Konan asked, very aware that they were in an awkward situation. She wasn't sure if she would feel more or less awkward if they _weren't _dating. Pain sounded very confused. "My clothes are gone...and so are all the towels...wait a-" he seemed to turn the handle and push, as if to open the door, but it didn't move, as far as Konan (with her eyes closed) could tell.

"Assholes." Pain muttered, trying again and again, practically throwing himself against the door.

"What's going on?" Konan asked. Pain sighed.

"Okay. Don't open your eyes." he said, and she nodded as he continued. "It seems that our charming friends may have known you were in here, or maybe not. Either way, they've locked us in, taken my clothes and the towels, so really the only thing I can cover myself with is the shower curtain. Which is _just _wonderful. And now..." he paused, and Konan suddenly shivered.

"Is it just me, or is it freezing in here?" she asked, her teeth chattering. Pain seemed to think.

"You're right. And I think it's because...they've propped open the window to the outside. And.." he made a sound like he was trying to wrench a loose brick from a wall- "It's completely jammed." he said, irritated. But he sounded sort of like he was grinningl. He always did.

"Are you serious? I'm _cold! _I wanna have a shower now!" Konan said, shuffling over to the bathtub and flopping over it, never taking her hands away from her eyes. Pain laughed.

"Right. Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm _completely naked. _So I'm colder than you, and _I _call the shower." he said, and she heard him walk over and pull the curtain away. Konan was _freezing, _so she was determined not to lose this fight over who-gets-warm-first.

"Nooo! I want it! I'm _cooooollldddd..._I _wannnnnit! Wannit Wannit Wannit Wannit!_" she whined, giggling throughout as she squeezed her eyes tight shut and fumbled around for the hot tap. She found it, and then she felt something weird and cold at her hips, tugging on her boxers.

"HEy! What the heck! _Ow..._that's so cold! Stop it, stop, sto-" The deed was done. Her boxers (pink with red hearts) were gone, and she was wearing a wet t-shirt with (she hadn't taken it off last night) a bright red bra and matching underwear. Great.

"Okay, you can open your eyes now. As long as it doesn't scar you for life..." at Pain's last words, Konan immediately snapped her eyes open, and gave a great shout of laughter; he was standing next to her in the shower/bathtub, wearing her pink boxers (which seemed to fit okay. Konan assumed that her hips/butt/thigh ratio was a bit bigger than his, so they weren't like spanx) and otherwise totally naked. She continued laughing at him until she remembered that she was freezing cold. She switched the hot tap to shower mode, and stood up, gratefully soaking in the hot water. Until she was practically pushed aside by Pain, who was grinning and moved forwards to get at the shower water, too.

"Hey!" she said, laughing, pushing _him _aside. They continued like this until they compromised with standing face-to-face, squished together slightly, so they _both _could have some shower time. Konan was beginning to realize that her large white snowflake t-shirt was _not _opaque anymore. At all. She sighed, feeling Pain's eyes on her.

"Um...I know this is a totally awkward question...but can I take this off? I mean...it's not like I _want _to, it's just that it's absorbing the water..." she trailed off, not particularly _wanting _Pain to see her half-naked, but ultimately she was still cold.

"I don't mind." he said, grinning. She rolled her eyes, turned away, bent over to peel the shirt off, and flung it onto the empty towell rail. She was now wearing next to nothing; her bright red bra (with hello kitties on it) and underwear (similarly decorated) did _not _cover much skin. She moment the shirt left her, she seriously wanted it back. She was about to go and get it when Pain's long, wet arms snaked around her bare waist (making her shriek slightly; it tickled) and pulled her back against his chest, resting his chin on her head.

"Don't go get it. It's hardly fair for _Me _to be the only one practically naked in here." he said, and Konan felt the furious blush spread over her cheeks.

"Your ears are red." Pain remarked from behind her. She blushed _more, _and got free of his grip, and turned around.

"Stop telling me that. It only makes it worse." she said with a small smile, her cheeks a rather fetching shade of fire engine red.

"You match your underwear." was Pain's only comment. She rolled her eyes before pressing against him, still cold.

"I'm cold." she said quietly, and he laughed just as quietly, wrapping his arms around her again.

"Konan, look up." he ordered gently, and she, obedient as a habit, looked up. She caught one glimpse of his beautiful, intricate eyes before he captured her mouth in a kiss.

Long story short, let's say it might have gotten a little _more _steamy in the bathroom. ;3

* * *

Finally after banging on the door and demanding to be let out, and begging for food, and other things like that, a laughing Sasori eventually moved the chair and let out a mostly naked and wet Konan and Pain, who proceeded to shout up a storm at him and all of his accomplices (Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame) and then got dressed and stuffed their faces (they had been locked inside the bathroom from 10:22 until 12:09).

Happy Boxing day. Yeah right.

"_Maaaan! _You better fuckin' appreciate these, bitch! Do you know how fucking _wrong _it felt to buy these? Jashin, and then we didn't even fuckin' _win!_" Hidan complained, throwing Konan a box of tampons, an Elle magazine, nail polish and eyeshadow. She recognized them as things that had been on her scavenger hunt list. She grinned at him.

"Not my colour." she said, chucking the pink eyeshadow back at him, and hitting him in the back of the head with it. He looked at her with a smirk.

"Do I fucking look like I _care?_ I swear to Jashin, that bitch-ass scavenger hunt thing you assholes had us do was fucking crazy! Seriously! We used up, like, half our holiday cash on fucking _bras!_ I don't even _wear _them, for fuck's sake!" he vented, and Konan laughed.

"Yeah, well, I had to kiss Deidara's butt!" Konan said, hugging a pillow to her. Sasori had heard, and laughed, flopping down next to her and kissing her on the cheek (a random new habit of his).

"Yeah, well that's not a _punishment. _It's a gift from the heavens!" he said with a teasing smirk at Deidara, who deemed the subject not worth a comment from him, and merely stepped on Sasori's foot on his way to the kitchen.

"So, does anybody need to go shopping? Just think of all the money we'd save." Kakuzu commented thoughtfully, fingering through his wallet. Konan decided that she didn't really need anything.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" she said suddenly, leaping up from the couch (thwarting Sasori's attempts to hug her) and raced into the kitchen to where Deidara, Pain, Itachi and Kisame were talking casually. She grabbed Pain's arm when he was in mid-sentance, and wrenched him behind her, running up the stairs. He was laughing as he followed her into Sasori's room. She pushed him onto the bed, locked the door, and sat down in front of him, smiling.

"So, why all the secrecy? Are we gonna be talking about something...rated higher than Disney channel?" Pain asked with a grin, pulling her feet towards him. She bit her lip so as not to laugh when he grabbed her feet. Without warning, he tugged them sharply. She fell backwards as he slid her legs towards himself. When she sat up again, her legs were crossed around his waist, and she was sitting in his lap like she normally did.

"Well, actually, I just wanted to ask you a question." she said, and he leaned back, crossing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

"Shoot." he said, and she replied 'Bang.' before responding with her _real _comment.

"I wanted to ask you about your Christmas present! I want to know what the USB is for!" she said, and he opened his eyes with a small smile.

"Okay, I'll show you...if you show me how to open my present from _you._" he said, and she bit back a grin.

"O-kayyyyy..." she said. "Wait." she instructed, and he nodded with a grin. She crawled out of his lap, but before she could leave the bed, he grabbed her arm, turning her towards him and kissing her. He finished with two small kisses. Then he grinned at her. She looked at him quizzically, still smiling, until he supplied an explanation.

"Want more? Bring my present." he said, and she gasped, not sure if she should laugh or not.

"You...you...you're _eviiiiiil!_" she said accusingly, and he laughed loudly while she left the room with a shy wink, and raced down the stairs, his kisses still disorienting her slightly as she skidded around corners and through doors. She finally found the box she'd given him, and zipped back up the stairs. When she got there, Pain was lying right where she'd left him. She grinned, locked the door again, and, suddenly feeling like playing, clasped her hands behind her back, hiding the box.

"Well?" Pain asked, grinning at her. "Are you going to give it to me...or not?" he asked, sitting up and grinning wider. She pursed her lips, smiling through it. She knew she was being silly, but she just felt like having fun. Like spinning around, being tickled, jumping up and down and hugging and...well, really everything. She had these weird phases sometimes. She knew it would pass, but she liked having fun when she could.

"Well...why don't you find out?" she asked, grinning.

He stood up, grinning as usual, and walked towards her, arms stretched out like he was going to hug her. As soon as he was close, Konan ducked under his arm and skipped over to the other side of the room. He smirked, raising an eyebrow, and followed her, going faster this time. She laughed and moved again, this time around the bed to the wardrobe. He laughed, and chased after her. They continued the cat and mouse game, laughing more and jumping on and off the bed, slipping on the carpet. Konan had just ducked under his arm quickly, and made a huge backwards leap for the bed. He was faster, and jumped, too. He pinned her down on the bed, hands on either side of her head, their faces inches apart. He reached down and grabbed the box from her hands with a slow grin. It was odd, but as the smile slowly, slowly spread over her face, Konan felt all silly and warm. Like she was blushing inside. At least it would match the one burning on her cheeks, she thought ruefully.

"I win." he said quietly, and dipped his chin slightly as if to kiss her. She had closed her eyes, but after a few seconds, she frowned and opened her eyes.

"No fair." she said to him, and he grinned.

"Want it? Hmmm?" he asked teasingly, raising his head higher and grinning. She rolled her eyes, exasperated.

"You are _so _immature." she told him, and he laughed.

"Well, yeah." he said, like it was just _so _obvious. Like, duh, Konan.

She smiled slightly, then raised her chin, kissing him softly. He made a funny groaning sound, and she giggled before one of his cool hands came behind her head, wrapping in her hair and deepening the kiss. He was kissing her slowly, casually, but with so much liking that she could almost _feel _The Something, even if she didn't see it. Konan's breath came quicker, fanning on his cheeks as the kiss grew deeper, fiercer. She placed one hand on his neck, his skin cool to the touch. Her other hand slid up his t-shirt, fisting the fabric from the inside and pulling him down on her harder.

"I...I..love..." she said breathlessly against his lips, and he moved his mouth down to her neck, kissing down softly until the collarbone that was exposed by the V-neck of her pale purple t-shirt. He kissed it, said 'I love you' quietly against the skin, making her shiver, before he bit her collarbone gently. Konan was completely surprised by herself when she made a weird moaning sound, quietly, her hands buried in his orange hair. She felt him give a low chuckle and do it again. With some effort, she managed to roll him over, so she was on top. She looked down at him breathlessly, her legs on either side of him, sitting on his chest with her hands next to his head. He was smiling at her, his eyes full of The Something, his hair messier than usual.

"Present time." she said in a rather breathy voice, and he grinned up at her impishly.

"Of course, silly! I was getting you into _the mood._" he said, saying the last two words in a funny way, elongating the O like a cow (M_ooooooo, _lol), making her laugh.

"Okay. You first." she instructed, reaching to the back of her neck and undoing the silver necklace he'd given her. The silver chain and 'paper' flower slid into her hand, and she handed it to him. He smiled at her quickly before flicking she small switch on the back of the charm, and the usb thing came out. He got off the bed quickly, unplugged Sasori's laptop from it's charger, and brought it back to the bed. He turned it on, and Konan bit back a grin when Pain (who knew Sasori's password) typed in _ImFiner343 _and flicked to his background, which was a picture of Deidara (thankfully _not _naked, or anything weird) tugging an end of his hair thoughtfully, sitting on a bench with his legs crossed like a yoga expert, half-molded clay in his free hand. Pain pushed the usb into the computor, and after a few seconds, there was a 'device detected' notice before he clicked several icons and instructions and stuff, and a video began.

"Merry Christmas." Pain said, sliding the computor towards Konan, who lifted it up onto her lap, watching the video with a small smile.

Pain seemed to have mixed videos he'd taken himself of her, the others, and him with her, along with music and words. Konan recognized the beginning of Ooh lala (goldfrapp) as the fullscreen video began. Large, pale blue-grey letters faded in, in the same font as the Corpse Bride title: Konan. She felt a blush creep over her cheeks as the video continued. The song had changed to Wannabe, and Pain seemed to have gone to a lot of effort to edit the clips perfectly so the words matched up. There was a scene of him, Sasori and Hidan talking, saying what they 'really really want' which ended with Konan coming in laughing, jumping up and saying 'Zigazig _ahh!'. _

The scene switched to Konan dancing and singing while she vacuumed with _Are you gonna be my girl _playing loudly in the background. Konan laughed as she watched herself use a lamp as a mic and swung her hair around to '_Big black boots...Long brown hair...and she's so sweet with her...GET BACK STARE!' _White letters in a funny font that looked exactly like Pain's messy scrawl typed across the screen as Konan paraded around the room with the vacuum. '_Just the way you are'. _

The scene switched again, this time to a video that one of the others had taken, of Pain walking away from the camera, down a snowy street, which Konan insantly recognized as the one outside. The song was now the Pink Panther theme. She laughed as she saw the back of her head come into view, and crept after Pain down the street. She watched as the her in the video leapt onto him with a shout of 'Surprise!' and a loud laugh. He laughed, and span around, the video pausing and zooming in slowly on the third spin, focusing slowly onto their faces: Konan's eyes closed, mouth open in a laugh, her arms wrapped around Pain, Pain looking up at her and laughing, too.

The song had gracefully switched to _you're beautiful. _More text appeared onto the screen: _Best thing in my life. _Konan hadn't noticed that she had wrapped her arms around herself, or that she was trying not to cry from happiness and love. After several more clips of her and Pain laughing, her, Sasori and Deidara singing Mommy kissing Santa Claus, Kisame giving her a piggyback and then dropping her in the snow, her chasing Hidan, Kakuzu and Itachi around the kitchen and living room because they'd stolen her underwear.

Finally, the last song, _If it's love _( by Train) began playing, as a picture of Konan asleep against Pain, his arms wrapped around her, and his eyes fixed calmly on her face, a grin on his face. _I love you _were the last words to fade and zoom, then the screen faded to white. She looked up at Pain, who clearly was watching her intently to see if she liked it. She leaned over, hugged him, and said that she loved him.

After a few minutes, Konan picked up the black box she'd given him with the silver sketch of him on the cover, and placed it on her knee.

"Watch carefully." she instructed, and Pain grinned. She unclipped one of the charms off of her silver bracelet. Pain grinned when he realized that it was different from the others (which were mostly 'paper' cranes, flowers, dogs, etc). "It's for you. You could use it as a keychain or something, because it's got a hook..." Konan explained shyly. She held it up, and Pain saw that the key was really the end of a key, the unlocky-part, and the rest was his name in curly metal. Konan blushed faintly as she pushed it into the keyhole, and turned it, keeping her eyes focused on the present. There was a small click, and then Konan lifted the lid carefully. Inside, neatly stacked, were six CDs, and six DVDs.

"What's on them?" Pain asked, and Konan blushed more.

"Um...just...things..." she said, and he laughed.

"Can we play one now?" he asked, and she nodded, shuffling through a lot of the DVDs until she found one labelled with a red converse shoe with small black words saying_ boogie shoes _spilling out the top. She popped into Sasori's laptop, and clicked a few times on various buttons and icons, and then it was ready and fullscreen. She pushed the laptop towards Pain, who grinned at her, then began watching.

"Um...it's not that much...I really only made it for fun, and the others are better, it's just I thought it would be funny, because you-" Konan mumbled, worried he might not like it, but Pain placed a hand over her mouth with a smile, and pressed play.

The screen turned bright blue, with words in white saying '3...1...2...PARTY!' at the same time as seven recognizable voices.

Konan stifled a laugh with her fist as her black silhouette with ipod earphones came onto the bright blue screen as _Hey Mama _started playing. She started dancing, then the screen switched to red, with Sasori dancing. It continued switching, with yellow and Deidara, to purple and Hidan, to grey and Kakuzu, to dark red and Itachi, to blue and Kisame. Then letters appeared on the screen: 'Swing'. _Boogie Shoes _started playing, and it began with Konan dancing swing with Itachi, and waving their hands around during _'My my my my boogie shoes'. _Then it flicked to Sasori and Deidara dancing, then Kakuzu and Hidan, then Kisame and Itachi.

Then the word 'Themes' came on the screen. Hidan was first, with _Get outta your mind. _He was dancing wildly, like the Hetalia people in the fan-made Flathead commercial. (It's really funny. if you know Hetalia, you should watch it.) Then Kakuzu went, with _Money (pink floyd). _He was dancing really funny, his ipod earphones swinging around as he moved. Then Kisame danced to _Splish splash, _then Itachi to _Walkie talkie man, _then Deidara to _Boom boom boom boom (I want you in my room). _His was seriously funny, because about halfway through the clip of the song, Sasori came in, whomped him, and very clearly (because the camera was pointing at his profile) said 'I want you in my room' with the song.

Then Sasori danced alone in slo-mo to_ Club can't handle me. _Then Konan came on dancing to _Are you gonna be my girl, _and was soon joined by everybody else, all dancing around and stuff. The video ended with a clip of Pain, edited to look like the others, laughing and pointing at Konan, obviously laughing about something somebody had said, but the sound was off. _My chick bad _was playing, and Pain laughed. The video ended, and the screen went black.

"That was so cool! Did you do it all yourself?" Pain asked, and Konan grinned.

"I'm happy you like it. Itachi helped make it look like Ipod ads, but I filmed most of them, and organized them and stuff. The other DVDs and cds aren't like that, though. They're all different." she said, quite proud of herself. Pain laughed and kissed her_._

When they went back downstairs, they found the house completely empty. There was a stickynote on the front door saying that the others had gone out to buy cheap-ass junk. Konan suspected Hidan of writing the note, seeing as it was hardly legible, and there was swearing. Who swears on sticky notes? Really? Anyways, Konan and Pain decided to go to a cafe for some coffee/hot chocolate and to stare at passerby (a randomly fun thing to do, if you've never done it).They ordered one grande mocha-cappucino with whipped cream and sprinkled chocolate flakes for Pain (a coffee critic, if nothing else) and a large hot chocolate with a bit of mocha in it, whipped cream and chocolate shavings for Konan. They also got a huge slab of fudge-cake-brownie-icecream thing to share (when I say slab, I mean slab. Like, 6" by 6" square of fudge-brownie-whatever.)

"Can we sit by the window?" Konan asked as they paid and picked up their food/drinks.

"Sure." Pain said, and soon they were sipping hot drinks and playing 'guess their life' with the unsuspecting passerby. It was Konan's turn. She pointed to a kind-faced woman with curly red hair, a little overweight, and with four children who didn't look anything like her.

"Okay. Her name is Sam, like Samantha. She's a volunteer for the community, and always donates to food banks. Right now, she's spending time with orphans, or maybe she's just babysitting. She's single, hasn't gone on a date since highschool, but she could possibly be lesbian, just as a wild guess. Her parents were the typical loving 40s-sitcom couple, and raised her sheltered from the more violent things in life. She is happy where she is, and often reads romance and travel novels while sitting in her red armchair with her cats, Tabitha, Napolean, and Greedypuss. Her favourite beverage is hotchocolate, and she loves lasagna." Konan said, and Pain grinned approvingly.

"That's good! Except for Tabitha and Napolean...aren't those choreographers from So you think you can dance?" he said teasingly, and she gasped.

"Oh! _That's _where I got them from! Wow...I didn't even realize." she admitted, and he laughed before choosing a young-ish woman, tall, in her twenties, sitting on a bench and holding a cup of coffee while reading a book. She looked pale and a bit sad.

"Okay then. That is Miriam. Her name means 'sea of bitterness', as a side note. She's in her second year of university, which was in part paid for by her parents. Her father died when she was rather young, of cancer, and her mother is very happily remarried to a lawyer who doesn't include Miriam in his day-to-day lifestyle. She lives in rez with people taking similar courses to hers. She has made a few good friends, but in generally shy and prefers daydreaming about literary characters than going to parties and such with her classmates. She is taking courses in the literary arts, and loves fantasizing and dreaming about whirlwind romances, incestuous relationships, daring pirates and damsels in distress. She loves to write sonnets, but prefers keeping them to herself, as she is quite frank about things in them. She is more inwardly-focused than outwardly. She has never had a boyfriend, but dreams of the magnificent day when she will find somebody just right. She enjoys listening to love-oriented music, and prefers bands like Train to singers like Usher, Akon, T-pain, etc. She sometimes downs vodka when alone, and had a bad party experience in highschool. She gets good grades, but is shy about sharing her happiness. She is too self-conscious to fully open up among friends and family. She loves her sister, Natalie, and visits her often. She showers in the mornings every day, and she plays the piano." he finished, sipping his coffee. Konan applauded.

"Wow. That's good!" she said, and he winked at her over his mug. She felt a little fluttery (embarassingly enough), and even more so when she knew she was blushing faintly. She saw him grin, and pointedly ignored it.

"Okay...um...how about we...take this personality quiz?" she suggested, just finding one in the magazine somebody had left there. Pain agreed, so she began, taking it first. It was a are you a together-forever couple? quiz. Konan was a little scared in case they failed. They finished the quiz.

It was mostly things like 'what does your boyfriend/girlfriend call you when you're alone? a) babe b) sweetheart c) fuck-machine. There were the occasional cute questions like 'if the two of you are walking together and you pass a young couple with a baby, does he a) rush immediately to stock up on condoms b) squeeze your hand, but doesn't say anything c) seems disappointed when the mother bottle-feeds the baby.

Konan added up the numbers, and turned the page upside-down. She found **40-55 points: Long-term Lovebirds. **She smiled, told him, and began to read it outloud, stuffing in a forkful of fudge every so often. _'Are you a Together Forever Couple?' You're the type of couple that makes everyone jealous. With your lovebird looks and thumbs-hooked-in-each-other's-pockets strolls, you have obtained what is the Holy Grail of the Ally McBeal set: true love. You've both reached the level where you accept each other as is, but that doesn't mean you're both blinded by bliss. You've learned to love the good, the bad and the ugly side of your parter, settling the stage for a love built on something more solid than the stuff on Halmark cards. But don't go crazy just yet. Wait six months to a year before making any kind of big decision, like having kids.' _Konan finished and choked slightly: _kids! _Obviously this was directed at a _much _older couple...she hoped...

"Well that was fun." Pain remarked, and she laughed before taking another chug of her whipped-cream smothered hotchocolate. She looked up with a smile and a sigh, to see Pain looking at her and grinning.

"What?" she asked.

"You've got whipped cream on your face, silly." he said, and she laughed, raising a hand with a napkin to wipe it off, when he grabbed her hand and stopped her. Looking up at him, confused, her question (whatever it was) was cut short as he leaned across swiftly, and kissed her face, just between her mouth and her cheek. She laughed (slightly hysterically, as it was completely new and a little weird) when she felt him lick off the whipped cream before kissing her mouth.

She kissed him back, slowly raising her arms, one going around his neck, the other fisting his shirt. He had one arm tightly around her waist, pulling her off her stool towards him, the other fisting her hair. He licked her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth willingly (it had taken her a while to get used to this, but she found that she liked it now) and allowed him entrance into her mouth. She was so caught up in the kiss, the smell and warmth of his breath mingling with hers, the feel of his hard, long body pressed against hers, his strong arm wrapped around her like he'd never let go, that it took her fifteen _long _seconds to realize that someone was banging on the window. She broke away with a sigh (she hated stopping. It made her feel cold and sad and empty and alone, despite the fact that he was right next to her, and still holding her tightly) and looked at the window, confused. Pain looked as well, and then grinned when they both recognized Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Kisame, Hidan and Itachi looking at them. They could hear the 'get a room's and wolf-whistles even from inside. They exited the cafe, having finished their brick-fudge-thing and both their drinks, and joined them, only to be pelted with various sexually harrassing comments, questions, and suggestions. Huzzah.

After a dinner consisting of lasagna, garlic bread and salad (graciously cooked by Pain), they all flopped down onto the floor/sofas in the living room.

"What should we do now? I'm bored, un." Deidara said with a yawn, stretching.

"I got some personality disorder quizzes from some magazines. We could take them, if you want." Konan suggested from her upside-down position on the couch. They agreed, so she dug them out of her bag, and they began with Sasori. He ended up with HIGH for Narcissistic, and MODERATE for paranoid, dependant, and obssesive-compulsive. Then Deidara took it and finished with MODERATE for dependant, histronic, and schizotopial. Kakuzu took it, and got VERY HIGH for schizoid, HIGH for antisocial, paranoid, and narcissistic.

"Hey, I knew you were fucking crazy, 'Kuzu!" Hidan said with a laugh, earning him a stiff punch to the shoulder.

Hidan ended with HIGH risks for narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial, and schizotopial. Itachi took the test. He ended up being the 'normalest' one yet, with loads of LOWS and only one HIGH: schizoid. Kisame took it and got HIGH dependant, and MODERATE avoidant. Pain took it and got MODERATE for shizotopial, but LOW for everything else. Finally Konan took it. She finished with HIGH for schizotopial and MODERATE for dependant. So far, Kakuzu was the 'weird'est one of all of them. Afterwards, they sat around and talked for a few hours until they deemed it 'late' (12:23) and went upstairs, leaving Pain and Konan to unfold their beds and sleep downstairs.

Konan lay under her covers, her eyes closed, but she couldn't sleep. She knew Pain was still awake as well, so after a while, she spoke.

"I'm bored." She heard Pain laugh from over on his bed. There was silence for a moment, and then Pain jumped on her bed, causing her to fly into the air with a yelp. He caught her on the way down, laughing, and hugged her. It took a moment to get her breath back, and when she did, she bopped him on the head with her pillow before hugging him back. They stayed like that for a while, not really talking, just...you know. Finally she spoke again.

"Do you make a wish on New Year's Eve?" she asked, her voice muffled (because her face was pressed into his bare chest. This was good because he was hot, but bad because if she moved away, he would see that she was blushing like Hero, the disgraced bride. (from Much Ado about Nothing, Shakespear) He thought about it for a bit.

"Well, I suppose so. I never did until people started thinking about, say, the world ending in 2012, or something horrible happening. So I guess I started wishing for stuff like 'Please don't let the world end' and 'Let the polar bears survive', but I never really believed that it would work. I never really cared much to protect stuff, until I met you." he said quietly, his face buried in her shoulder, his breath warming her as he spoke. It took a moment for his last words to settle in her mind.

"Me? Why?" she asked, surprised, and he laughed quietly, his breath tickling her neck.

"You're the only person I know that if something bad happened to you, like if you died, I really wouldn't know what to do. Thinking about it, if, say, you were hit by a car tomorrow, I don't know how long I could stay in school. I guess I'd drop out, maybe get a job, but I just...wouldn't care. I'd probably quit, or get fired, then just...drift for a bit until I died. I wouldn't have a purpose." he said thoughtfully. Konan frowned and drew away.

"That's not good. Pain, if I died tomorrow, I don't want you to waste your life! Seriously! I mean, I hope you'd be _sad, _but-"

"_Sad!" _Pain snorted. "That's a huge understatement." he said, but she interrupted him and continued.

"I'm being totally serious! If anything happens to me, I mean, it's really nice you care so much, but I don't want you to just...just..." she struggled to find the right words, but they were lost as Pain pressed his lips softly against hers in a kiss. He drew away, looking at her carefully.

"Stop." he said quietly. "Just...leave it, okay?" he said, and she pursed her lips and looked at her hands. How could she just leave it when he was planning on wasting his life if anything happened to her? Sure, she'd be pretty upset if she knew that he didn't care, and just went back to school as if nothing had happened while she pushed up daisies, but she'd never expected him to say that he would lose his purpose...

"Hey. If you wouldn't 'have a purpose' after I died, what was your purpose before you...er...decided it was...something to do with...um...me...?" she asked, not sure how to ask this without sounding arrogant or whatever. Pain chewed his lip in thought for a moment.

"I suppose it was just to do whatever and have fun with my life. You know, the motorcycle, piercings, pyro stuff, hanging out with the guys and talking about random shit. I didn't really think about the future at all. Until, of course, I met you." he said, a small grin flickering across his face as he looked down at her in the darkness. She blushed, scowled, and looked away.

"Right. Okay. How about we agree on this." she said, and he raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't speak. "If something horrible (I.E. fatal disease, blown up, hit by a car, etc) ever happens to either of us, the other one can only be sad (or however they'd feel) for...umm...six months. Less if you want, but I think I'd need at the very very very very very very _verrrryyyy _least six months. Of course, I'd probably still be upset years later..." she was more talking to herself than him now, unaware of the grin that had spread across his face.

"See? I told you." he said, and she shook her head.

"But if you died...if something bad happened to you, I know...or, rather, I _hope _that you wouldn't want me to end up on the streets because I couldn't get over it _ever, _because I could _never ever _concentrate on...er..._not _you for...okay, I don't know any more..." she muttered, knowing she'd lost the argument. She hoped that if anything bad happened to Pain and he died, she'd be able to get a job, or something, and not just...drift...but as she thought more about the pain and heart-breaking misery that would follow, she really couldn't see how she could _ever _move on. Dang it, he was right.

"See? I told you." he murmured, and she sighed.

"Okay fine. Fine, fine." she said, and there was a moment of silence as both of them thought about what might happen if the other were to die. "You know, when I first found out I'd be sleeping in the boy's dorm, I thought I would be in a living hell. But really...this has been the best four months of my entire life. And this has been the best Christmas ever." she said thoughtfully, and he grinned.

"Why?" he asked playfully, and she turned to look at him, a small smile on her face as she took his hand and looked at their entwined fingers interestedly as she spoke.

"Because I met the others and you guys are the best friends I've had in my whole life. And the best Christmas? Well, really, the best December... because of you. Because I love you." she said simply, and he grinned, but shook his head.

"No. Because _I _love _you_." he corrected, and she rolled her eyes before he kissed her.

* * *

New Year's Eve came quicker than any of them had expected. It was 10:00 pm, and they were walking along the street, following a crowd to _La Favoloso Imperiale _(which Sasori had translated as 'The Fabulous Raven'), going to the local New Year's party. They were all vaguely dressed up (after all, it _was _the first out-of-school party of the whole year) and were talking loudly as they made their way into the club.

Konan was wearing tights with large fishnet holes, a bubble-gum pink (a first, I know) dress that was mostly chiffon, form-fitting until just above her middle, where it flared out and stuck out. It was strapless, with a bright pink sash around the waist. Konan felt _very _conspicuous, but Deidara had insisted that she wear it, and she felt like celebrating and being silly because it was her very first New Year's party. She also had a black lace flower (clip) in her hair, replacing her customary paper one, just for fun.

The guys were mostly wearing colourful jeans (the kind of guy-skinnies that they normally wear. Some girls don't like them, but Konan loved them- she just never told her friends.) and either graphic tees or loose, open-collar, rolled-up-sleeve collar shirts. Konan had also dug out her glow-in-the-dark can of paint and had put glowing pink paint on all of the guys as well as herself so they could see each other (and also make everybody else jealous, of course).

Sasori, his dark red hair sexy and messy as usual, looked super hot (though not as hot as Pain, of course) in red skinnies and a black V-neck tee, and a neon-pink glowing handprint on his chest. He had also insisted on painting the glowing paint on Deidara's mouth and making him kiss him, so he also had a glowing pair of lips on his neck.

Deidara (who had washed off the paint from his mouth) was wearing a dark blue V-neck tee, purple skinnies, bright yellow converse, and a pink gothic mouth with a tongue sticking out on his chest, and (Sasori had drawn it) PROPERTY OF SASORI on his back.

Hidan was wearing an open blue collar shirt which showed off his toned chest (Kakuzu had practically forced the reluctant Hidan into a shirt; he had been planning on going without) and black skinnies. He had a glowing pink FUCK on the back of his shirt, and handprints all over his exposed chest.

Kakuzu was wearing black skinnies, a dark grey shirt, and a glowing pink dollar sign on his right arm, and he had dipped both hands into the paint, so they glowed.

Itachi was wearing an open white collar shirt, its sleeves rolled up, and bright red skinnies. He had bright pink streaks in his hair, and a funny lollipop on his back, which he claimed to be some kind of family sybmol.

Kisame was wearing a white Vneck, and blue skinnies. He had pink paint in the shape of gills on his neck (he was playing off the long joke of him looking sharky) and I'M WITH SEXY on his back.

Pain was wearing his red converse, skinny jeans, and a pale blue Vneck. He had pink handprints up his chest, and SEXY written up one of his pantlegs (written by Konan).

Konan had glowing pink hands like Kakuzu, glowing pink smears through her tights and dripped over her shoes (black converse). Sasori had been responsable for the glowing pink handprint over her butt. So, they were, more or less (perhaps less, but they hoped it was more) looking cool and paryt-esque as they walked towards their New Year's destination.

When they got in, Adam Lambert was playing, _If I HAd You _pumping through the speakers which were positioned all over the huge dancefloor. It was two stories, the upstairs more a danceroom than a bar. They got drinks (Sasori, for some inexplicable (he _did _explain, but he probably fudged on the details) reason, had a fake lisence) and went upstairs, Pain with his precious straight vodka, some of the others with beer, gin and tonic. Konan had a Shirly Temple, was deemed a 'real girl' and followed them. They got Kakuzu to guard their drinks (he insisted on them being kept safe in case somebody drank them while they were dancing. He refused to waste money on drinks that they could lose.) and they all went onto the dance floor. Sasori and Deidara drank the most the fastest, and soon retreated into a corner of the crowded danceroom to make out. Hidan ended up pretty drunk, and was slumped on the table with Kakuzu. Itachi and Kisame had disappeared onto the balcony to relax after a while, leaving only Konan and Pain still on the dancefloor. They were currently jumping around to _Magic _by B.O.B., and laughing.

That is they _were _before there was an angry growl from over in the corner, and the next thing they knew, fists were flying among various angry yells and swears. Konan recognized the voice of Sasori snarling "Get the fuck away from him!" and Deidara shouting "Sasori, stop it! Stop!".

Before she knew it, she had pushed her way through the crowd, Pain right behind her. She saw Sasori fighting some guy wearing fake glasses (those weird black ones...don't know why they're 'cool') and a neon yellow t-shirt. They were knocking people over as they fought, half-wrestling, half just...fighting. Deidara was trying to pull Sasori away at the same time as yelling at some guy next to him.

"Stop! Stop it! _Stop!_" Konan yelled, moving forwards, pushing people aside. Honestly, how arrogant could Sasori be? He probably just got dissed or..._No...he wouldn't get pissed off just 'cause of something like that...he's too cocky. It must have been...Deidara. _Konan thought as she basically threw people out of her way as she tried to get towards the fighting pair. The guy fighting Sasori must have come on to Deidara or something like that. Sasori was exactly like the over-protective boyfriend type, except he was more in love, and less crazy. He was just...himself.

Konan shouted for them to stop again, then gave up, and jumped onto Sasori's back. Sasori told her to get off at the same time of fisting the other guy's shirt and punching him in the gut. Konan ignored him, clinging on and ignoring Pain's half-laughter, half-worried advice, and ripped off one of her heels. She raised it above her head as the song went _I got the magic, magic, ma-a-a-agic..._and hit the other guy on the back hard. He grunted, and she did it again.

"Stop! Stop it, you dumbass!" she shouted, not sure which one she was talking to, still clinging onto Sasori like a monkey, still pummelling the other guy with her heavy high heel. Finally she kicked the other guy in the stomach with her other heel and succeeded in splitting the two apart. After more swearing, etc, the fight ended, and she put her shoe back on. Sasori was scowling, glaring at the other guy's retreating form as he ran a hand through his messy hair. _If looks could kill..._Konan thought as she walked over to Pain, who hugged her and told her she was silly.

"So...what happened, anyways?" she asked Deidara, who had sat down on a table, looking irritated. Sasori's attention returned to them, and he scowled again, looking at Deidara, half-angry, half...er...furiously..um...loving? It was rather hard to tell.

"That mother-beeeeeeeeeeeep-ing sh-beeep-ch was trying to fucking -beeeep-" Sasori explained, but Deidara interrupted with a slightly less vulgar explanitory sentance.

"That asshole asked me if I was getting any, then he stuck his hands down the back of my pants and...well...Sasori um..." Deidara was looking down at his legs, his hair hiding more of his embarassed, disgusted face than usual. Sasori rolled his eyes with a disdainful snort, grabbed Deidara, and moved back into the throng. Konan looked at Pain, who made a funny face, grinning.

"Hey, do you want some water?" he shouted above the music, knowing that she didn't really like tasting alchohal a lot, and she nodded. He went to go grab some, as she danced with herself to _Ghetto Superstar. _After a few minutes, she felt hands on her hips. She turned, looking for Pain. Of course, as irritating fat goes, it wasn't him.

"No." she said, stepping away. Seconds later, hands were back.

"No! I said no! No means _no!_" she said, moving away, pushing past some people, trying to get away from the creepy guy in the aviaters and red sweater. Finally, she thought she was fine. Dancing with herself again, hoping Pain would come back soon, she sighed. And then she felt hands not just on her butt. They were _under _her skirt. _Under _as in beneath her skirt. As in the perverted asshole had put his hands up her skirt, and was now squeezing her butt cheeks. _EWWW._

"_FUCK!_" she shrieked, a much louder and higher sound than she'd anticipated, but whatever. She slapped the hands away, whirled to face the man, bright red with anger, cold with hatred and disgust. He was grinning.

"What's wrong, hottie? Don't like what you see?" he asked with a grin, pointing with both hands down. She looked, and blanched then turned red again when she saw something disgusting. A tent in his pants. A fucking tent. ew. There are no other words. She looked back up at his face, disgust pouring out of every piece of her essence.

"You disgust me. You're a fucking sickening freak." she said, her voice much more stable than she'd thought, but it still carried. She got the feeling everyone around her was listening. "Your face looks like it was on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork." she said, spitting on the ground before him and turning away contemptuously to look for Pain. She was scared now; she couldn't hit him: he was older, probably lived here, and she could get put in jail for like a night for violence or something. She was pushing through the crowd when she felt hands close around her shoulders tightly, hot, alchoholic breath on her neck, and a hard, horrible something pressing up at her butt. She jumped about a foot in the air.

"Get the FUCK away from me!" she shouted, scared. There was a laugh behind her as he began grinding into her butt, the tent in his pants getting harder. She kicked him in the shin with her high heel, but he didn't let go. And then there was a snarl from behind them, a rather animalistic, savage one. The kind you imagine James the vampire (the only Twilight one with any balls) making. Much, much less than a second later, the perverted, disgusting creep was wrenched off of Konan, who staggered away, and turned, shaking, scared, to see Pain beating the man to a bleeding, broken pulp. Pain grabbed the bleeding man's throat, pulling him up slightly so their faces were at eye level. The creep's nose was clearly broken, he would have some serious black eyes the next morning, and he might not be up to running for at least a week.

"If you ever even _look _at her again, you are going to wish that I'd killed you now." Pain's voice was soft, almost silent, as he spoke before dropping the man to the ground and walking over to Konan, a muscle in his jaw jumping slightly, his jaw locked. Konan spotted a puddle of water and a lot of broken glass which she assumed was where her water had gone. She shuddered slightly, walking wordlessly beside Pain towards the empty balcony ten feet from them. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to him or touch him, because she was worried he might push her away or something.

They closed and locked the balcony doors behind them, and leaned on the metal railing, looking out at the dark, starry sky and the snowy village below. Konan was waiting for him to say something, but decided that it would have to be her. From the position of his jaw and the expression on his face, she was pretty sure that she would be doing most of the talking.

"Pain?" she said tentatively. He didn't move. She sighed, and sat down on the cold balcony floor, taking off her heels, rubbing her feet, and looking through the metal bars down at the snow-covered roofs of the stores on the highstreet beneath them. She sighed again. She felt like wanting nothing more than to be back 'home'. Well really, it _was _her home. Like school was home. It was more home than the house of her father. _I don't want to stay here, _Konan thought, _I want to go home... _For the weirdest reason, she felt like crying. She got a lump in her throat which she couldn't swallow. She looked away from Pain to hide her face as her eyes filled with inexplicable tears. She hated to cry. She loved crying at the same time, because when she was done, she always felt better. But she hated it because she cried at the oddest times. Like now.

She didn't bother putting her shoes back on.

"Goodnight." she said to Pain, then swing one leg over the balcony and clambered down to the fire exit's staircase. He looked at her, but she looked away again, her eyes full of tears. As soon as she landed on the snowy ground, her feet numb from the snow, she walked a few steps towards the house. Then she started running. As soon as she ran, the tears slid down her face. Surprisingly, they were quite silent tears. Konan was usually the one for _WAAAAAAH_s and _I d-d-d-dont WAAAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAAA! _the kind when you can't breath without gasping loudly. But this time she just made a funny sound like a crying dog. Yes. She ran along the snowy highstreet, past closed shops, empty houses and loud pubs. Her fishnetted feet slipped in the snow, and she skidded as she flew around a corner. She crashed into someone who caught her, but she couldn't see who it was. The streetlight was broken. It was dark.

"Get off of-" she said through her tears, trying to get away before the person kissed her, hugging her tightly. She tried to fight them until she felt two triangular piercings below the other person's bottom lip. Either it was a horrible coincidence, or...? She succeeded in pushing away, and looked up, squinting through her tears and the darkness up at the face of the person above her. Giving up, she raised her hands, still scared it might not be him, and placed her hands on his face. He didn't move. His skin was cold, but what was the most important information to Konan at that moment was that she could feel three piercings that went straight through his nose. Now _that _was the deciding moment.

"Pain..." Konan sighed, not sure if it was with relief or sadness, and stopped fighting his grasp. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms more firmly around her, but didn't say anything. Konan suddenly realized that she'd grown: she reached his chin now instead of his collarbones. It was quiet for a long time.

"Konan...don't go...please." he said quietly, the sadness in his voice seriously making her want to cry harder. Just cry her heart out. She settled for pressing her face into his chest so he wouldn't see her cry, and say a muffled 'I'm not going anywhere'. He sighed, rubbing her back slowly.

"You're crying." he commented softly. She froze: how did he know?

"Um...no..." she said, and heard a quiet laugh.

"I can feel it. You're getting my shirt wet." Pain said, and she snorted before returning to crying with her face pressed against his chest.

"I don't want you to be mad at me." she said in a tiny voice after a while. She felt him stiffen for a millisecond before shaking his head and tugging playfully on a lock of her blue hair.

"Silly. You're silly." was all he said. She frowned and looked up at him.

"Why am I silly?" she asked, and he grinned down at her.

"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. You're too silly to get mad at." he said, and she made a face.

"Thanks." she grumbled, but didn't look away.

"You're beautiful." he commented randomly. She looked at him oddly.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and he laughed.

"I mean exactly what I said. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, you're silly, you're crying, and I love you." he said, repeating practically everything he'd said from the time she'd realized it was really him to that moment. She shook her head slowly, but a small smile appeared on her face.

"No...you're wrong." she said quietly, and continued before he could interrupt. "You've got it wrong. It's true, _I'm _silly, _I'm _crying, but _you're _beautiful, and _I _love _you_." she said, poking him in the chest with every accented word. He laughed loudly, and before she knew what he was doing, he had grabbed her around the waist, picked her up, and was spinning her around and kissing her. _I guess we've made up...if we ever really were in a fight..._Konan thought as the world blurred before her except Pain's face.

And that's exactly how she liked it.

They returned to the dance floor, but strictly to find the others, celebrate midnight (which was in twelve minutes, coincidentally) and the go. This time, Konan stuck to Pain like glue, and he kept an arm around her shoulders as they walked. They found Kisame and Itachi first. Kisame was pretty drunk, and was leaning on the wall, grinning at Itachi. Itachi was fine, and agreed to stay there while they found the others. The next to be found were Kakuzu and Hidan, who looked like they'd been in a fight; Hidan's eye was black, and his knuckles were bruised, as if the _other _person had taken most of the beating. Kakuzu's shirt was askew, he had a scratch up one arm, but was otherwise perfectly fine. Of course, he would be. They agreed (a little slowly, due to the alchohol) to go join Kisame and Itachi. Next they had to find Deidara and Sasori.

"If I know them," Pain said suddenly, "They've gone off to a bathroom to make out...or..." he said with a grin, and she bit back a similar expression.

"Well, I guess we'd better check." Konan said, following him to the bathrooms.

"I'll check this one," Pain said, gesturing to the guy's one behind him. "But I think they'd probably be in yours." he finished, and Konan nodded, and pushed open the girl's bathroom door.

It was vaguely quiet, except for the sound of someone throwing up, (which then, of course, made _her _feel sick) and a muffled sound, like somebody speaking...while kissing..? Konan (who still wasn't wearing shoes; Pain had given them to Kakuzu, who said it was a waste of money to leave expensive footwear lying around) walked along the row of stalls, bent over to see feet. There was one pair of stripper heels in the stall with the barfing sounds, none in most of the others, until she found one pair of bright yellow converse which she recognized as Deidara's facing her, and one black converse (seriously? Does _everybody _wear these to New Year's? Konan herself only had the airwalk kind, like most of her friends, but she still had them...) facing the other way.

Sasori and Deidara.

She contemplated grabbing one of their ankles to surprise them, but she decided against it. She went into the stall next to them, got the TP roll off of the dispenser, exited the stall again, then tossed it over the stall Deidara and Sasori were in with a shout of 'Hey! It's me! Five minutes 'till midnight!' There was a surprised sound as she heard the TP hit somebody, then a few muttered complaints and grumbles and so-forth, until they finally came out of the stall. Sasori's hair was even messier than usual, his shirt was a little wrinkled, like somebody had fisted it, his pants were a little askew, and he was scowling at her. Deidara looked a little less messy, but his hair was a little tangled, he was blushing slightly, and it looked like somebody had tried to rip his shirt off.

"Fine, fine, we're coming..." Sasori said, a little irritably, as they turned to go. Of course, he slapped Konan's butt where his previous handprint was still glowing brightly. She sighed loudly.

"You are _soooo _immature." she said, sticking her tongue out at him. He smirked.

"_You're _saying that to _me?_" he challenged, and she grinned, looping her arm around Deidara's, and he grinned at her.

"Hey Konan. Where's Pain, un?" he asked casually as a woman came through the door, looked confused, then looked back at the _WOMEN _on the door, frowning. They burst out laughing as they left and found Pain leaning against the wall just outside. He raised his eyebrows at Sasori and Deidara as he took Konan's hand and followed the others through the crowd to Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi and Hidan. Two minutes to go.

"Are we doing the fucking sappy Make-a-wish-and-kiss-at-Midnight thing?" Hidan complained loudly. Kakuzu told him to shut up. As per usual. The countdown began. Konan looked up at Pain.

_Ten...Nine..._

"I know this is cheesy," she began. "..But I love you. I love you so much. I'll love you forever, for always. Even if you stop loving me, I want you to know I'll always love you." she said, quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. Pain looked down at her, a funny grin on his face. He shook his head, still grinning.

_Seven...Six..._

"I love you." he said simply with a laugh, tugging playfully on her hair, like he always did. Konan realized that if he stopped doing that, no matter how annoying it was at times, she would miss it like a best friend.

_Three...Two...ONE! _

Konan jumped up into Pain, wrapping her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. As she had jumped, she had seen a flash of blonde as Deidara had been grabbed by Sasori, she had seen Itachi folding around Kisame, and Kakuzu grab Hidan's chin and force it towards him. Konan didn't even hear the cheers of HAPPY NEW YEAR! After one, she was too busy to listen. She was kissing Pain fiercely, wrapped around him. He was holding her tightly and kissing back forcefully. He turned slightly, and pressed Konan up against the wall so he could concentrate on kissing her more than on holding her. He pressed into her, and she kept her legs linked around his back. She placed one hand on his neck, the other on his chest as she kissed him, trying to force _I love you _into the kiss.

Quite a few minutes after midnight, she broke away, gasping, to see Pain looking at her.

The Something was pouring out of his eyes.

At that moment, Konan realized that what she'd been calling 'The Something' for so long was really love. Serious love. The kind of love that is deeper and better than the kind tween girls cry about in romantic movies. Konan felt a kind of warmth well inside of her as she blushed, knowing that she would never again cry while reading Nicholas Sparks, or tear up during Titanic. Because true love, _real _love, the kind you don't find every day, or even every year, was looking at her right now. She felt herself tear up from sheer happiness, and she kissed him again softly.

"You love me, don't you?" she said quietly. It wasn't a real question. It was like the 'You ate the last cookie, didn't you?' when you already know they did, they know you know, and it's already been silently confirmed, but you just want to put the thought out there audibly.

"You finally get it." he whispered with a sexy grin before kissing her. It was slow, but it was the best, sexiest kiss Konan had ever had. And Pain had been the only one ever to kiss her. She lost her resolve, and tangled her hands in his hair, pulling him closer to her. She felt him grind into her as he kissed her, pushing her up against the wall. She gasped into the kiss.

_Your love got me looking so crazy right now...Your kiss got me hoping you'll save me right now...Got me looking so crazy in love..._

Beyonce pumped through the speakers as they made out on New Year's Eve. For the first time, Konan really understood how Beyonce had felt when she wrote the song.

Happy New Year's.

_

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_Okay. I know this was totally wayyyyy slower than my other chapters, but school started and everything...T_T...etc. Well, I know it's probably not got so many funny bits in it, but I hope it was a good chapter anyways. Thanks for all the support, reviews and subscriptions. I love reviews, they make me suuuuuuper happy, even if it's only one or two words. Please keep sending them! I promise to finish this, and update soon.

I love

~Sailor-Nova~


	10. Pictures of you

So, I know it's been un UNBELIEVABLY long time since my last update, but I kept being totally undecisive as to what I wanted to happen in this chapter (you might have noticed that most of my chapters surround holidays, and there isn't that much in January...), but I've finally decided...sort of. I wanted to give Konan more backbone, because as some clever readers have noticed, she's always getting saved by Pain and the others, no matter what comes up. I also think I might be repeating my ideas and stuff...sorry about that ;( Oh, and this chapter has, like, thirty seconds of OCness, or whatever it's called. Malaise is MY character! Anyways, here it is! The long awaited...or not...NEXT CHAPTER!

Ahaha...oh, yeah, to those who were wondering...I'm not dead...believe it or not...:)...just...very, very, VERY sleepy.

oh, and also, I always forget to do this: **I don't own Naruto Shippuuden. I wish I did, quite honestly. Then I could kick out characters I hate, and make loads of weird pairings that don't happen and stuff. But I don't, so I can't. *heart shatters***

Aaaaaand...LET'S PLAY!**  
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Hide and Seek**

**Random side story: One in the bed**: Okay, this is just for fun. The _real _story starts after this, but I really felt like doing this thing, just for fun. :D

_There was one in the bed, and the little one said-_

Konan was officially awake, but in reality, she was still asleep. She'd been awake for around ten minutes, but she hadn't made any move to 'look alive', as they say. (Seriously? I sometimes hate it when people say that; like, was I looking dead or something?) She moved her hand under the blanket, taking it with her and rubbing her nose, snuggling deeper into her warm pillow. She shifted slightly, her eyelids still firmly closed, and moved to bring her knees closer to her chest, sticking her butt out. As she did so, she felt her boxers-covered butt press up against something. She thought nothing of it, being too entwined in her foggy dreams to comprehend anything in particular. But when something large, warm, and long slid between her legs, she decided that it was time to wake up. She opened her eyes very...very...slowly. Everything was a blur. She raised her hands from under the blankets and rubbed her eyes with a child-like groan. She moved her hands, and looked sleepily to see what was going on. The first thing her eyes fell upon were long, dark eyelashes, resting gently on pale cheeks. She blinked. Her mind took so long to process what was going on, that it was a while before she understood that somebody was in her bed. When she _did _understand that, she looked and saw messy, slept-on, dark red hair falling over the dreaming boy's forehead. She blinked. Sasori. She frowned slowly; if he was _facing _her, for whatever reason that he was, how was her _butt _pressed against him? She turned her head slowly, and blinked again. Dark blonde. Lots and _lots _of dark blonde hair was spilling over the other pillow, falling away from the beautiful and tanned face of another boy. Deidara.

_There were three in the bed, and the little one said; Roll over, roll over._

_Oh...interesting..._Konan thought sleepily, moving her butt, yawning again, and closing her eyes once more. _Sasori...and Deidara...it's like a hug...wait...Deidara...and...Sasori...are...? Are...in...my...bed...? Deidara...Sasori... _"IN MY BED!" she shrieked, finishing her thoughts out loud, and at quite a high volume.

_So they all rolled over, and one fell out..._

There were two shouts, and two loud thumps, as both Sasori and Deidara fell out either side of her bed, and tumbled to the floor. Konan was staring at them, barely realizing that she'd drawn the blanket and her knees up to her chin, or that a large ball of unicorn-patterened pillow was between her teeth. "WHAT THE HECK!" she cried, as she stared at them. They were slightly awake now, and were both crawling back onto the bed, with identical yawns and scowls of 'it's morning and you're yelling...whhhyyyy...?' on thier faces.

"Quiet...princess..." Sasori mumbled, falling back onto the bed, exactly where he'd just been, and wrenching half the blanket out of her hands.

"It's morning...silly...un..." Deidara groaned, collapsing down like Sasori had, and pulling the blanket over himself as well. Konan was in shock. Then, at the exact same time, two arms from opposite sides of her slid around her waist, dragging her back down into the bed.

_And he gave a little scream, and he gave a little shout..._

She took a deep breath; "Haaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh..." and then- "PAAAAAAAAAAAAIIN!" About twenty seconds later, her door opened slowly, and Pain walked in, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "What's up? What's going on...are you cold or something...?..." he asked sleepily, opening his eyes. "Oh." he said, looking first at Konan, who was sulking, then at Deidara, whose hair was completely away from his face, his mouth open slightly, and his right arm curled around Konan, and finally at Sasori, whose head was tucked onto Konan's shoulder, his left arm circling her waist. "Okay. I know what to do." Pain said with a grin, and left. Konan frowned, confused; whaaaaaat...? Pain returned about fifteen seconds later, brandishing a camera. "Say 'cheese'" he said, and Konan sighed. "Cheese." she said flatly, and the camera flashed. Pain laughed as he put it down on her table, and walked over, running a hand through his messy hair as he walked. "Awwww! It's so cute~~~:3" Pain said with a grin, pretending to fan himself. Konan raised her eyebrows and tried not to laugh. "AWWW!" Pain laughed, pulling her cheeks randomly. She knew he was just having fun, but _still. _He was now kneeling on her bed, his weight resting on his knees, which were on either side of her, just under Sasori and Deidara's arms, which were still wrapped around her.

_Please remember to tie a knot in your pyjamas, single beds are only made for one, two, three, four..._

She took another deep breath; "Haaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..." and then- "AAAAAAGGHH! MOLESTION! MOLESTION! PERVERTS! EROTIC PIGS! !" Pain was laughing, and Sasori and Deidara, being the _incredibally _heavy sleepers that they were, made no sound. There was a moment of relative silence, and then there was a bang.

"KONAN! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT SO EARLY IN THE BITCH-ASS MORNING? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I JUST HAD A DICK UP MY FUCKING ASS NOT THAT LONG AG-"

"SHUT UP, HIDAN! I SWEAR, I'D KILL YOU IF YOU'D JUST DIE PROPERLY!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOURSELF, 'KUZU! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S THE PERV IN OUR RELATIONSHIP! YEAH, I SAID IT! WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW, BITCH?"

"PERV? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT YOU ARE? I SWEAR YOU'D BE A CORPSE, GETTING PEED ON BY ALLEY CATS IF I WASN'T AROUND TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T STAB YOURSELF WITH A BALLPOINT PEN!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, KAKUZU? EAT A DICK!"

"I thought I just did ;P."

"YOU LITTLE-"

There was a loud slamming of a door, six heavy footsteps, then Hidan stormed into Konan room, pulling up his boxers and glaring at them. "Okay, bitches, what's the problem?" he asked, with a totally OOC thumbs-up and pose. Konan sweat-dropped, then spoke, a difficult feat since her mouth was being stretched by her supposedly 'cool, dangerous, romantic and mature' (ha-ha) boyfriend. Hidan put his hands heroically onto his hips, and stared first at Deidara, asleep on the left of Konan, then at Sasori, asleep on the right of Konan, then at Pain, kneeling on top of Konan, then at Konan, taking in her appalled expression, and the unnatural stretchiness of her mouth. Then he laughed loudly.

"Waa oh uh-ee?" Konan asked, annoyed. Hidan sighed, shaking his head.

"You dumbasses. I _would _say 'get a room', but you're already in one."

"Oh urr ooh" Konan said, (so were you) and Hidan laughed again, before walking over, and slapping Pain's butt. Pain didn't blink, but kept his cat-like expression of amusement in place perfectly, as if nothing had happened, while aiming a violent kick behind him at Hidan, which missed by an inch. "Okay." Hidan said. "I know _exactly _what this needs." he announced confidently. Konan was in the middle of breathing a rather premature sigh of relief, when Hidan took three running steps and then jumped, landing in a belly-flop position right on top of Pain, who collapsed under his weight into an identical belly-flop position, his hands falling from Konan's face down to her shoulders, and his head squished into what is legally reffered to as...her natural essentials of the upper half of her torso.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!"

I hope there is no need to explain her reaction. Two seconds later, Kakuzu walked in, followed immediately by Kisame and Itachi. Kakuzu was expressionless, Kisame was laughing, and Itachi looked bored. "You're so foolish..." he said calmly, sitting elegantly down in a chair. Kakuzu rolled his eyes, walked over to the still-yelling, soul-coming-out Konan, and poked her. "Shush." he said, but she didn't. He rolled his eyes.

_Five in the bed, and the little one said; Roll over, Roll over. So they all rolled over..._

"If they paid me to do this, it still wouldn't be worth it. However..." he said, grabbing Hidan around the waist and dragging him off of Pain, who consequently rolled away from Konan's chest onto Sasori, who then woke up (a miracle!), gave him the flashing diamond-eye look, and shoved him back onto Konan, who immediately began yelling again. Pain, to prevent his ears from bleeding out, rolled the _other _way, onto Deidara, who also woke up, (another miracle!) and kicked out under the blanket. He hit Sasori by mistake, who elbowed Konan in the ribs. Konan, who wasn't 'GONNA TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!' shoved him out of her bed, and rolled over to where he'd just been, leaving Pain free to fall to where _she'd _just been. He did, and then shoved Deidara out of the bed. Deidara stood up, grabbed Pain's leg, and pulled him off the bed, too.

"There was one in the bed, and the little one said..." Itachi began with a smile.

Konan grinned and finished; "I got the _whooole _mattress, to myself! I got the _whooooole _matress to myself, I got the whole mattress to myself!" she sang, and they all laughed.

Luckily, the first day back after Christmas break is a holiday.

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Okay! Back to the story...:3

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**Pictures of you, Pictures of me**

Konan stretched and yawned quietly, before turning her head so her face was buried in Pain's chest. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and rocking back on his heels slightly, smiling absent-mindedly at the middle-distance. It was the second day back at school. It was also the day for the physical exams. The second one of the year; Konan had arrived late, so she'd missed the first ones. At that particular moment, Konan and Pain were leaning against the large stone wall that encircled most of the school grounds; Kakashi had let them have a free block to get into a creative frame of mind for their next project. Sasori and Deidara had retreated long ago to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. Konan _did _have an idea of what they were doing, but she didn't say anything, just in case they were closer than she thought. So here she was, hanging out with Pain. No complaints there. After five more minutes, Pain broke the comfortable silence for the first time; "Hey Konan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna come and visit my family during spring break?" he asked, and Konan could tell by his posture that he was slightly nervous. She drew back, looking at him curiously. "If you don't want to, that's fine, or if you can't go, then that's okay, too, I guess..." he said, backtracking quickly, probably mistaking her curiousity for indesicion.

"Of course I do, silly." she said, poking him lightly. "I was just surprised; I don't know much about your family." Pain laughed, and abruptly grabbed her around the waist, swinging her up to sit on the stone fence. She looked down at him, her legs dangling over his shoulders. She patted him on the head while he began explaining his request.

"It's just that I know they'd really, really like you. And you might like them, too. Also, my brother said that I wouldn't have to pay him back fifty bucks if I brought a hot girl home with me for spring break." he said with a perfectly naughty grin. Konan laughed loudly, almost losing her balance on the high fence. Pain's neck came to her rescue, however, as she locked her knees around it, steadying herself while simultaniously squishing his face against the rock.

"Oops. Sorry...are you okay?" she asked, trying not to laugh. He laughed for her, and randomly began tracing organic shapes onto her legs. She shivered slightly at his touch. He didn't miss it; he looked up at her mischievously, and a slow grin spread across his handsome face. Konan's stomach tensed slightly, something inside coiling in sync with his slow grin; he knew _exactly _what slow smiles did to her. She didn't know what was worse: the fact that she had a creepy fetish for slow smiles, or that he _knew _that she had a creepy fetish for slow smiles. And if she had to add a thrid 'worse', it would be that he smiled slowly...a _lot. _

"So..." he said, still grinning mischivously, "are you gonna come?" he asked, and Konan bit her lip.

"Okay...but are you sure they'll like me? I get shy super easily, so, just in case, I could bring a book-" she began, and Pain pressed a hand to her mouth to make her be quiet.

"You bring that rant up every time visiting strangers is mentioned." he said, amused. "Is it like a mental speech that you use as a back-up plan if you can't avoid meeting people, or something?" Konan blushed, and Pain's eyes narrowed slightly in a teasing manner. She ignored it, and pushed his hand away regretfully; it had been _very _warm on her cold face.

"It is _not." _she insisted, and he shrugged, with an expression that clearly said '_riiiiight..._whatever you say...' "I just don't want to get in the way." she said honestly, and he laughed.

"Okay, okay, fine. But I swear, they'll like you. Ask the others. Generally speaking...my brothers are...er..._very _friendly." he said, struggling to describe them all with one adjective.

"What about your sister?" Konan asked, searching her inner storage cabinet for the meager amount of information Pain had given her about his past and his family. Pain smirked.

"Relax. And just a heads up about her, she uses her right hook a _lot, _so duck the first one." he said, and Konan stared at him. Pain laughed at her surprised expression, before grinning up at her and asking why she was worried that they might not like her. She blushed and looked at her knees, grumbling slightly over the 'over-stimulated curiousity of boyfriends', making Pain grin's widen.

"Well," she said, looking pointedly at her left boot, "I suppose that it could be because if they _really _hate me, they might tell you not to...er...be friends with me any more, and _then _what would I do with myself during free blocks?" she said, chancing a look at him. His expression almost made her topple over in irritation; it was incredibally condescending, kind of like 'Aww! What a cute, unknowing and oblivious child, caught up in this discussion of things she doesn't understand. And yet, and yet, she provides such an adorable opinion. Awww!' It made her feel _very _un-listened-to. She scowled and crossed her arms. Pain laughed and tugged on her ankles, making her yell slightly and grab his shoulders to stop herself from falling off the wall. She looked down at him, and he gave her an impish smile.

"Relax, silly. They'll like you, and if they don't, there's really not much they can do. I'm sorry to say you're stuck with me." he said with a mischivous smirk. Konan sighed happily.

"Well, that's okay. I _have _gotten used to having you around." she said honestly, and he snorted, smirking up at her.

"Oh, that's good. The last few times I've kissed you, you didn't have a heart attack, so I'm sure that's a good sign." he said, and Konan laughed awkwardly; sometimes even his slow smile would get her heart rate beating at a rather dangerous pace. Heart attacks were probably iminent in her future.

As they walked back inside, Tsunade suddenly emerged from her office, looking around. When she saw Konan and Pain, her face lit up, as if she'd been looking for them.

"There you are! Why were you outside?" she asked, but before they could think of a more innocent excuse than 'make-out space', she flapped her hand and interrupted. "Nevermind, nevermind, I probably don't want to know. So long as you don't kill anybody, blow anything up, get pregnant, or junk like that, I don't care. _More _importantly, Konan, you've got a visitor." Konan blinked. And blinked again.

"A...visitor? Who?" she asked, and Tsunade heaved a sigh.

"How do you expect _me _to know? He just showed up about a half-hour ago with a letter explaining that your father had instructed him to visit you for a while." Konan blinked again, glancing a look up at Pain, who was watching her with an easy grin on his face.

"It's a _guy? _I don't know any guys..." she said uncertainly, and Pain laughed quietly as she followed Tsunade into her office. "Wait a second, okay?" Konan asked, and when Pain nodded and leaned back, relaxed, against the wall, she turned and looked around to see where this 'visitor' was.

Her eyes quickly fell on a boy who looked to be around her age, maybe slightly younger, with pretty blond hair that was in natural, soft, fluffy curls caressing his head. His skin was quite pale, but he had rather pretty light green eyes. He wore a black sweater with a small gold crest (probably his school's) on it, under which he wore a white shirt, whose collar was starched and sticking straight up. He wore black pants which hit the vamps of his polished dress shoes perfectly, and he was sitting next to what looked like a bag of luggage. As soon as he saw her, he stood up gracefully, bowed, and kissed her hand, making her stomach jolt from freaking out. Tsunade tactfully excused herself, and headed towards her private study. Konan, for once, fervently wished she _hadn't._

"My lady Konan. I have heard much about you from your father. I hope you are well?" the boy asked, in a mellow, but _desperately _formal voice. Konan blinked, her mind feeling too confused to process anything.

"Errr...ah...has he? And uh...yes, I'm well, thanks...but...I'm sorry, who are you?" she asked, staring at him. He was a teensy bit shorter than her, around Sasori's height, and when she asked who he was, he seemed to shrink a little bit more.

"Oh...were you not informed?" he asked awkwardly, despite his formal grammar, and he shook her head. The boy went a bit pink, before retreaving a letter from his pocket. "I believe your letter must have been miscarried in the mail. Here is the copy that your father sent to me, not four weeks ago." he said, pressing thick parchment into her hand. She unfolded the letter, wishing she were still outside with Pain than in here with one of her father's 'ideas'.

"My dear sir...blah blah blah...huh?" her eyes focused in on two sentances half-way down the letter, which was probably written by his secretary; _''It would give me much pleasure if you were to visit my daughter at her school, St Misery's Acadamy. I know that she will be thrilled to make your acquaintance, and that all other matters will fall into place in good time...' _

She looked back at the boy before her. Apparently, her father was trying to squeeze a few more thousand dollars out of this poor boy's father by pretending that she would...be friends?...with this random stranger. It occured to her that she didn't know his name. "Er...well..this is awkward. Um, what's your name?" she asked, and he cleared his throat.

"My lady, my name is an unfortunate one, but please allow me to...uh...say it anyways." he said, obviously unable to think of a better way to phrase that. "It's Malaise Chauncey Friday." he said, embarassed, and she grinned.

"It's a great name!" she said, and then remembered that Pain was still outside.

"Er...Malaise, (ha ha, it's the name of the town I was at during Christmas!) I left my friend outside...do you think I could quickly...?" she asked, leaving the question hanging in the air.

"Of course, of course." he said hastily, and she grinned happily to herself, turning and opening the door.

Pain was still leaning up against the wall, hands in his pockets, his eyes closed.

"Pain? Wanna come in?" she asked, looking up at him. She held his gaze for a few long seconds, then looked away with a faint blush after recieving a slow grin.

"Yeah, sure," he said, loping forwards, his long legs taking him across the wide hall in two seconds. "Who's your guest?" he asked after entering the office, nodding at Malaise, who was staring at Pain, taking in his height, his piercings, and his wicked-cool (as Konan described them) eyes.

"Hi," Pain said, grinning and sticking out a hand. "I'm Pain, Konan's boyfriend." Malaise's eyes widened slightly as he reached forwards to grasp Pain's outstretched hand.

"Malaise Chauncey Friday. Pleased to meet you, sir." Malaise said, and Konan couldn't help but notice that some of the bravado that had been seeping out of his voice eariler had slipped. "Um...my lady Konan, I'm terribly to cut this short, but I've got a train to catch..." Malaise was fumbling around with his bag, slinging it up onto his shoulder, and seizing her and Pain's hands in brief handshakes before practically sprinting from the room. "Give your father my regards, please, and...uh...have a nice day!" he all but wailed before disappearing out the door and calling that he'd show himself the door. Konan and Pain were left in the empty office, staring at the door.

"That was weird. I guess he was scared of you, huh?" Konan commented after a brief moment of silence. Pain snorted, shaking his head, before picking up the letter from Konan's father that had fallen to the floor and unfolding it.

"Read this." he said with a grin, handing the page to Konan, pointing to a sentace about three-fourths down the page. She looked at it, frowning.

_'My dear sir, I would forever be in your debt if you would consider my daughter as a future possible bride.'_

"GAAAAGH!" Konan shrieked, tearing the paper up, tossing it in the trash can, grabbing Pain by his tie (which was already mostly undone anyways), and dragging him out the door. She was fuming inside, ignoring Pain's laughter and the stares from passing maids and workers as she dragged him by the tie all the way to the nearest girl's bathroom.

"Hey, isn't this-" was all he managed to say before she had them both locked in a stall. She looked up at him, her expression somehow blank, glowing, and furious all at the same time, her hand still fisted around his tie. He looked down at her, half-amused, half-uncertain, before she had flung herself at him, forcing him back against the wall of the black stall and crushing her mouth to his.

She was surprised when Pain allowed her domincance of the kiss for a few seconds. But as soon as this thought entered her mind, she suddenly realized what she was doing, and backed away, despite the winning-the-lottery appeal staying right where she was held. She looked away, blushing furiously, an immediately began apologising.

"I'm sorry...I didn't...I didn't mean-" she began, before Pain stepped forwards, a small smile on his face as he closed the distance between them and almost eliminating the space between them. Konan looked up at him, startled. He bent down so his face was just by her ear, his hands coming up and pinning her wrists against the wall of the bathroom stall. In a low, surprisingly seductive voice, he spoke, his words warming her ear and making her cheeks redden even more; "Are you _sure _you didn't mean that? 'You sure you didn't want that? I think I know what you want..." he said quietly, and she could practically _hear _him grinning as he spoke. She gasped as he bit her ear gently, tugging on her earlobe, before moving his mouth softly down her neck, kissing and sucking lightly on the skin as he glided down to her collarbone. Konan's knees were wobbling, and she knew that his grip on her wrists was the only thing keeping her from collapsing down to the dirty tiled floor below.

A small moan escaped her as he licked a spot on her neck, right where her pulse was the strongest, hammering under her skin, and began sucking on it, gently at first, and then more insistent after he heard her sigh of pleasure. "St...stop..." she sighed breathlessly, an inner spring inside her beginning to coil as Pain grazed his teeth lightly over her skin. She felt him smirk against her skin, and she knew that he knew as well as she that she didn't want him to stop -ever. She jerked awake again as Pain's mouth, which had been resting just at the corner of hers, slid to the left gently, and kissed her softly, simply. She stopped breathing, her heart thudding _very _audibly in the small space of the bathroom stall as she waited breathlessly for him to continue. She opened her eyes, looking up at him with large eyes. He was so close, and his eyes met hers in a heated, serious gaze before a dimple surfaced on the left side of his face, and she knew he was smiling at her.

"Kiss me, fool." she mumbled against his lips, and the other dimple emerged below his cheek.

"Fool?" he questioned, his breath warm and his tone teasing. Konan didn't have the chance to reply. His mouth, already gently pressed against hers, claimed her lips in a passionate kiss that shocked Konan's breath away again. Pain bit her bottom lip, drawing blood, and Konan moaned in happiness and eagerly allowed him entrance. His tongue skimmed her own, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine, and turning her knees to water, before stroking the sensitive surface of the roof of her mouth. She kissed him back fiercely, and he forced her back against the wall, eliminating the thin layer of air between them. He crushed his body against hers, and they touched base at several strategic locations down their bodies, Konan only staying on her feet thanks to the tight grip his hands kept on her wrists, pinning them on either side of her head. Pain pushed his leg between her own, and she sighed again, her sigh-slash-moan escaping their kiss to hang in the air like a physical symbol of her want and physical attraction.

Pain released her wrists only to drop his hands to her hips, sliding them down to the hem of her skirt. Still kissing her breathless, he rucked up the sides of her school pinafore, his cool hands skimming the sensitive skin along her curved waist, dancing over her spine, making her tremble with pleasure. As the blood rushed back into her arms, she satisfied her urge to run her hands through his spiky orange hair, and pull his head closer, deepening the angle of the kiss and practically passing out from dizziness and excitement. Konan forced herself away from the wall, and, without breaking the kiss even for a second, walked Pain over and sat him down on the toilet (lid closed!). She sat down on his lap, and crossed her legs around his waist, her arms over his shoulders, one hand still pressing him closer to him as the other one shoved itself up his shirt, rucking it up, exposing his toned stomach and chest.

She bit down on his lip, the blood dripping off of her already-bitten lips down both of their chins as he groaned in pleasure. He fisted her hair into a ponytail, re-angling her head to deepen the kiss even more, grinding his hips against her own, making the coiling feeling inside her stomach recieve a sharp jolt. She sighed happily, feeling _very _high, when suddenly the bell rang. They didn't stop kissing, but thirty seconds afterwards, a huge cloud of giggles and chatter entered the bathroom. Konan drew away from Pain slowly, sending a death glare through the wood of the bathroom door at the gaggle of girls who had just entered and interrupted them.

"I guess we should go..." Konan murmured reluctanctly, watching Pain, a blush still blotched across her cheeks. He gave her a solemn thumbs-up, which she returned before snorting with laughter. She sighed, stood up, pulled down her dress, and opened the bathroom door, leading Pain out by his hand. She noticed the chatter of the girls stop the minute Pain emerged from the bathroom stall, and then start up again excitedly the second they left the bathroom. Konan snuck a glance sideways at Pain as they walked back to Kakashi's drawing class to fetch their bags before going to the gym for the physical exams. His posture and graceful stride was as relaxed and casual as usual, but she saw that his eyes were almost half-lidded, and as he gave her a sidelong grin, she could see a symphony of desire mixed in under the wicked-coolness of his swirly purple eyes. She blushed, and instinctively squeezed his hand briefly as she looked away, a rush of heat flushing through her.

They grabbed their bags from the classroom, and fell into step in the swarm of students that were all heading for the gym. "So..." Konan began, leaning closer to Pain (which was hard, seeing as they were kind of squished together by the masses of teenagers around them), "What exactly are the physical exams about?" she asked, and Pain grinned at her.

"Well, basically, they're kind of what you imagine when somebody says 'physical exams'. You run a mile, do so many sit-ups, so many push-ups, so many chin-ups during an alotted time, and then your results show how in shape you are. They weigh you and mesure you, too, in case you need new school uniforms or swimsuits or something." he explained, and Konan nodded. "Oh, yeah, I forgot," Pain continued, "today's also the day that we complete the year-book survey." he said with a sideways glance at Konan, who frowned.

"What's that?" she asked, and he bit back another smile.

"It's for the yearbook. You know how sometimes under each student's picture, they have something like 'Drama Queen', 'Best Smile', 'Braceface', stuff like that? Well here, you have that kind of thing, but also each year the team of seventh years in charge of the yearbook make a survey with questions like 'What's the cutest couple of first-year? Second-year? Third-year? and so on, and things like 'Most likely to be caught streaking on camera', or 'Most likely to meet husband in public bathroom'. You know, stuff like that. Today's the day we answer their questions, and majority rules about what goes in the yearbook." Pain explained, and Konan nodded, grinning.

"That sounds fun!" she said, and he laughed.

"Well, yeah. Actually, remind me later to show you the yearbook from last year. And if you ask Sasori, he can show you pictures of everybody the year they came and stuff. It's pretty cool." Pain said, and Konan grinned, totally believing him. She _loved _things like these, even though she'd never done them before. After all, when you're in your first year of 'highschool', despite supposedly having gone to highschool since you was thirteen, you miss out on these things.

They entered the gym, parted ways to change, and met up again when the entire school squished into the bleachers facing the gym. Asuma stood facing the whole student body, holding a microphone. Konan noticed that the school physician, Kabuto, was also on hand in case anybody got hurt. Or collapsed from exhaustion. Konan smiled to herself as she listened to Asuma describe what they were going to do for the next forty-five minutes; as long as she stayed on her feet, she would be relatively okay. Most excercise was just fine with her. Except for chin-ups, which she could do _one -_if she jumped, and long-distance running. Generally speaking, she had no endurance.

"So everybody's got that? Runs, Guns, Buns, and...Pecs. Yeah, don't laugh, not a lot rhymes with run." Asuma said with a grin, rubbing the back of his head.

"What about fun?" a shout came from the audience. Asume grinned.

"You really think you're gonna be having fun? Believe me, I'm _paid _to basically torture you into a gooey, limp, puddle. Just because I'm currently leaving you to the mercy of your classmates in your gym sessions doesn't mean I'm not gonna run you to the ground today." he said, and whoever had spoken up was clearly feeling a little pressured by their peers; there was a lot of hissing involving 'shut up!' and 'wow, _now _you've done it'. On Asuma's whistle, they all thundered down the bleachers, and walked out into the cold, _freezing _cold outside, where a light layer of frost coated everything, and occasional snowflakes cascaded down, making everybody look like they had dandruff.

"What the crap? It's, like, minus ten degrees out here!"

"Asuma, we're wearing _shorts!_"

"You want us to run in _this?_"

Various shouts and complaints arose from the students after spilling out the doors into the frigid see-your-breath air. Asuma just grinned, and began handing out whistles.

"These are important," he announced. "If you get too cold, get frostbite, hypothermia, you can't run any more, whatever, you blow this. We record how much you _did _run (and yes, I mean _run_), and send you over to Kabuto to check for missing appendages. If there _aren't _any, and you're perfectly okay physically, then you continue with the rest of the exam, the time it took for us to rescue you deducted from your total score. Any questions?" he asked with a grin.

"Y-Yes!" Naruto sputtered. "Why the hell are you making us do this? We get _hypothermia, _and then you deduct the time it took you to _save our lives_ from our total score! That's so not fair, believe it!" he said loudly, arms crossed, and most of the students around the huddle nodded vigourously. Or maybe they were shivering so violently their heads bobbed. Each scenario was equally possible.

Asuma chuckled, and dove his hands deep into the pockets of his thick jacket, which was being eyed enviously by each student.

"Why do you think? The yearbook team's here-" he thumb-gestured to a group of bundled-up seventh years who were holding huge black cameras. "-and just think of the wonderful memory this'll be!" he said. "Now, it's once around _all _the field, following the usual path. Any cheating, walking _all the way, _and pretending to get frostbite one minute in, will be carefully monitered and prevented. So, GET GOING! Go, go, go, GOOOO!" he roared, and the students all began running. Konan already couldn't feel her feet. Pain was ahead of her, as per usual, and she was runnning in the middle of a group of second-year boys, to stay warm. A run around _all _the fields (about three miles, give or take) was gonna be hard. Especially in this weather. After the first mile, the number of students running had trickled down to about a hundred. Konan didn't really blame the ones who were shivering on the sides of the paths; points deducted, sure, but at least they'd be _warm! _

Finally the lap was finished, and Konan and fifty others who had made it all the way, returned gratefully to the warmth of the gym. Konan found Pain, who, seeing her furiously pink cheeks and somewhat blue lips and ears, immediately hugged her. Konan gasped in mock-irritation. "You're _warm!" _she exclaimed indignantly. "How can you be _warm_?" she asked, looking up, and Pain grinned.

"Well, it is getting harder to be...you're super cold." he told her, and she rolled her eyes then smiled.

"I _know, _silly." she said, and he laughed.

Next were push-ups; do as many as you can to the beat of a metronome playing through the speakers. Normal push-ups would have been easier; that way you can take a breather in between. But the metronome bleeped every second, so you had to be up-down-up-down-up...ugh. She sighed, grabbed one of the hundred or so purple mats, dumped it onto the floor near Sasori, Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara, and gave a great sigh, assuming the 'push-up position'. Pain gave her a thumbs up from the other side of the room, and she stuck her tongue out at him before smiling. _And...go! _One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Konan was counting loudly in her head as she pushed up from the floor again and again. However, soon after thirteen, the pace became _very _difficult to keep up with. She collapsed to the floor at fifteen, and rolled over, wiggling her noodle-like arms.

"Already? Tsk tsk, Konan, I thought you'd do better than that." Sasori said to her with a smirk as he went down. She made a sour face and threatened to poke him. Deidara finished at twenty-three, Sasori at twenty-seven, and Kisame still wasn't finished by the time they started sit-ups.

_Good, _Konan thought to herself, trying to boost her confidence, _I'm better at this. ABS! YAAAAAGH! YAAAAAAGH! YAAAAAGH! _Deidara nudged her, and she looked at him. He was trying not to laugh. "You were talking out loud, by the way." he said, and she blushed, realizing that everybody around them was _looking at her. _With very weirded-out expressions. Except for Sasori and Deidara, who were roaring with laughter. Konan, blushing violently, cleared her throat and rolled onto her back in the sit-up position. Beep, beep, beep, beep...Okay. And..._huuup! _and down. And..._huuuup! _and down. And _huuuup! _and down... this continued for a while, with Konan fighting to keep her arms limp at her sides, but they insisted on assisting her on the way up soon after thirty-two. At thirty-four, she collapsed back onto the mat and sighed, waiting for Sasori and Deidara to finish.

Kisame was still on pushups.

"How many've you done?" Konan asked, _very _impressed...and more than a little scared.

"Ah...hundred and...two..." he said, panting slightly. Konan's jaw dropped, and Sasori reached over and clicked it closed with a wink and a smirk.

Rope-climbing was next. Konan, Deidara, and Sasori met up with Hidan, Kakuzu, Pain, and Itachi in the long line-up for the rope, where Asuma stood with a timer. Hidan went first, and was up and down the long rope in a minute and thirty seconds. Kakuzu was a minute and ten seconds. Pain went up and down, graceful as a cat, in fifty-two seconds. Itachi was up and down in fifty. Konan swallowed audibly; it was her turn, and she _sucked _at this; climbing a tree was her absolute limit when it came to heights. Before going up, she warned Asuma that she might not make it all the way up. She jumped onto the huge knot at the bottom of the rope, and took a deep breath.

"Aaaand...GO!" Asuma shouted, and she raised her hands above her head, clutching the rope and moving her feet further up, pressing them together against the rope and holding herself up. She sighed; one foot up. She repeated the movement eight times, each time getting harder, and the swaying of her stomach telling her she was getting higher and higher. She sighed as she reached the top. She gingerly looked down to see how far she had to go, and her stomach clenched unpleasently; she was about fifty feet above the ground. Almost immediately, her eyes locked on the blurry group of students below her, and the room seemed to sway.

"Shit...she's-" she heard voices below her, but she didn't listen.

She was frozen, and then- she lost her grip on the rope. Sliding down impossibly fast, her hands and feet burning from the friction, she plummeted down to the ground. Just before she hit the ground, she felt herself being caught by two strong arms, and then being pulled against somebody's chest. She felt _quite _ill, but she was glad, in her dizzy and semi-conscious state, that she had never let go of the rope; really, she hadn't _fallen, _she'd just _slid_ -down fifty feet of rope, resulting in _horrible _rope burn on her hands, thighs, and feet. She felt herself being carried somewhere, and then round glasses slid into her view, followed by silvery hair. Kabuto's cool fingers probed over the chapped, skinned flesh on her hands, feet, and thighs, and then she felt him rub a cool gel onto the skin before wrapping bandages around her. She closed her eyes when he placed his hand over her lids, and slept.

When she opened her eyes, she was sitting in somebody's lap, their long arms around her. Without even looking, she knew who it was; Pain's familiar grin greeted her as she blinked up at him. "Hey." she said weakly, and he gave her a mocking look of concern.

"You sure know how to give me a heart attack. You were so pale at the top of that, I seriously thought you were gonna let go of the rope. But you didn't! That was awesome!" he praised, and she blushed faintly; he was congratulating her on...not falling to her near-death? Hmm...

"Kabuto said that you should be okay to do the chin-ups, just don't remove the bandages for a week or so, and no more rope-climbing for a while." Konan laughed.

"No fear, trust me. How long was I asleep, anyways?" she asked, shifting so she could see him better. Pain gave her an almost-there smile.

"Long enough that Kisame finished his push-ups and his sit-ups, but not so long that he's climbed the rope." Konan shook her head in disbelief;

"How the heck does he _do _that? I mean, sure I knew he was strong, but _seriously? _He's done at _least _three hundred push-ups. And one every _second? _I just don't get it." she said, shaking her head. Pain laughed, and let her stand up so they could walk together over to one of the ten bars that were being used for chin-ups.

"So, how many of these can you do?" Pain asked her with a smirk, and she smirked back, because he already knew; Zero. One at most.

"Oh, you know...an amazing amount." she said vaguely, and once she caught his expression, she burst into laughter.

After both of them had finished their chinups, (Konan amazingly having completed three 'proper' chinups, and Pain doing seventeen), they walked over to the Survey Station, where they both took survey sheets and pencils, and sat down to complete the yearbook surveys."Okay, let's see..." Konan murmured, taking a look at the sheet.

**Yearbook: 5th year survey, St Misery's**

**Please circle answers where neccisary, or PRINT names. All questions must be answered. Survey is anonomous. Voting for yourself is illegal: if you do so your vote will not be counted. ALL ANSWERS MUST BE FOR STUDENTS IN FIFTH YEAR!  
**

**1: Most likely to be a millionaire:  
**

**2: Most likely to go skinny dipping in the pool of their neighbor:  
**

**3: Hottest couple:  
**

**4: Most likely to change the world:  
**

**5: Most likely to get IDed at 30:  
**

**6: Most likely to have 5+ kids:  
**

**7: Naturally drunk:  
**

**8: Best hair:**

**9: Most likely to be pregnant before they're 20:**

**10: Worst attendance:  
**

**11: Best dressed:  
**

**12: Best at sports (male), best at sports (female):  
**

**13: Best ass:  
**

**14: Best pick-up lines:  
**

**15: Sexiest male teacher/ Sexiest female teacher:**

**16: Biggest partier**

**17: Best 'come hither' look**

**18: Biggest flirt**

**19: Smartest come-backs**

**20: Most 'dangerous'**

**21: Most likely to compete with Tsunade's boobs:  
**

**22: Most likely to be a sex offender (in any grade):**

**23: Most artistic 2D, 3D, oral/written, other:**

**24: Best eyes:  
**

**25: Hottest siblings:**

**26: Most dazzling smile:  
**

**27: Separated at birth:  
**

**28: Best halloween costume:  
**

**29: I wish he was single:  
**

**30: I wish she was single:  
**

Konan grinned at every question, and filled in her answers: Kakuzu would be a millionaire, hands-down, Hidan would probably not give a flying **** if his neighbor found him skinny-dipping in his pool, and Sasori and Deidara were, in Konan's opinion, the hottest couple in fifth year. Konan immediately wrote Pain down as being the one to change the world, and Sasori as most likely to get IDed at thirty, since Itachi insisted that he hadn't changed much for years. Konan grinned as she wrote down Shizaya, Shizune's little sister, as being the most likely to have 5+ kids; she was always giggling over how cute they were.

Naturally drunk _had _to be Hidan, and Deidara was definately best hair. Konan voted Shizaya again for 'most likely to be pregnant before thirty', and Sasori again for worst attendance. After seriously considering voting for herself for 'best dressed' (as a joke), she eventually voted Sasori again, since he always wore really expensive, designer clothes when not in his uniform. Best at sports male was Pain, and best at sports female was Anko, another girl in Konan's year. Best ass went to (as a joke) Kisame, who had claimed earlier that he could break a table leg with it, best pick-up lines went to Sasori, Sexiest male teacher went to Kakashi, and sexiest female teacher went to Kurenai, (the only one Konan had). Konan voted Hidan the Biggest partier, Sasori the best 'come hither' look, as well as 'biggest flirt', Pain for 'smartest comebacks', and most dangerous.

Konan wrote Shizaya for competing with Tsunade's boobs, just for fun, and Kakuzu for 'most likely to be a sex offender', just because. Konan voted Pain most artistic 2D (his drawings were lovely), Sasori most artistic 3D, Hidan most artistic for oral, and Deidara most artistic for 'other'. I mean, come on, are explosions 3D? really? She voted Pain for best eyes, Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha for hottest siblings, Kisame for most dazzling smile, Ino and Deidara for separated at birth, Kakuzu for best halloween costume, Kisame for I wish he was single (for fun :3), and Anko for I wish she was single...because if she was single, then maybe Kakashi could concentrate on his lessons more...:3 :3 3

She folded the paper up, popped it into the huge box labelled 'VOTES', returned the pencil, and waited for Pain to finish, which he did, thirty seconds after her. They walked back to their room together, discussing who they'd voted for, and wondering what the yearbook would be like this year.

Konan had a funny feeling that the yearbooks from St Misery's were probably a hell of a lot more epic than ones from other highschools...

* * *

OKAYYY! I hope you liked the chapter, and if you did TELL ME! I'M BEGGING YOU! Another chapter should definately be up in the next, like, five days or something, because now I can move on to Pain's birthday, and stuff like that ! YAAAAY! Okay, I know this chapter wasn't that great, but hey, It's hard when you've have writers block for, like, three months! YAAAARGH!

Okay, just saying this now, LUV U! luv my reviewers, subscribers, favouriters...whatever you are, if you're reading this with a smile, I LOVE YOU!


	11. Why so serious?

So. Here it is. Chapter 11, I think. Okay, I seriously hope I get this up before Monday...urghh...

And: I do not own Naruto, or the songs used in this chapter (Nine2Five, Love shack, Wannabe, Rich girl, Cecelia, My humps, etc.)

Okay. So. Here it is. Yeah I know, I said that already. Drumroll! AAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnnddddd...GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!Just freak out! 3

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**WHy sO sErIOus?**

Konan snapped open her eyes. It was six a.m, the 20th of February, Pain's birthday.*** Silently, she smiled, and rolled out of bed. She quietly got dressed in a black Lolita-style lacey/ruffled skirt, a black lace camisole, a black cardigan, a grey scarf, sheer white tights with black flowery patterns, and black ribbons holding her hair in two pigtails (bunchies? two ponytails? What do you call them, anyways), and grabbed her red lipstick from her makeup bag, lightly applying a thin layer before taking it with her. She slung her black peacoat onto her chair, to be worn later, with her black bootees. Grinning to herself, she crept silently into Pain's room.

As she expected, he was asleep on his bed, his bare chest facing upwards, his arms and legs slung around, as relaxed as a cat near heater, his eyes closed, and an expression of complete calm on his handsome face. Konan bit back a grin as she pulled the lid off the lipstick. Sliding onto the bed next to him, she gently pressed the tip of the lipstick onto his chest. She watched his face carefully as she began to write, making sure to move the lipstick slowly, in case he woke up. He shifted sligthly, but didn't stir.

Laughing inside, she swirled the colourful makeup gently over his hard chest, and gradually, a bright red 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEXY-PAIN!' began to take shape. Once she was finished, she applied the red lipstick to her mouth, and, just for fun, kissed his cheek very, very gently. Just before she was about to pull away, however, a long arm snaked around her waist, and crushed her against him. She blinked, looking up at him; he had _definately _been asleep a few seconds ago, but now, he opened one eye and gave her a smile.

"Hey, Konan. What's up?" he asked, as casually as if she'd just walked into class slightly late, and had just sat down next to him. She blinked again, then looked down, making sure the lipstick wasn't getting near her white-ish clothes. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that he was being careful to avoid touching her clothes with his bare chest.

"Er...good morning...Pain..." she said, and he laughed quietly, kissing the top of her head.

"So, any particular reason why this morning you felt like coming into my room at the crack of dawn-" Konan snorted. "-and chose to write something on my chest in lipstick?" he asked pleasently. Konan grinned at him.

"No...no reason at all." she said innocently, and laughed when he poked her stomach, smiling.

A short while later, Pain got out of bed, and Konan told him to meet her and the others in the 'living room' (Sasori had officially moved into Deidara's room a few weeks ago, so his old room had become the living room. Itachi had donated a sofa, Hidan had moved a table in, and Konan had put a few of her chairs into the room, to give it more of a 'you can sit here and talk' feel.) He agreed, and she grinned as she closed the door behind her, and went to wake up the others. She knocked on Itachi's door, and then remembered that he'd probably be in Kisame's room. She opened Kisame's door, and turned on the light to find Itachi and Kisame in bed, Kisame's arms around Itachi's waist. Konan blushed, but managed to throw a large stuffed shark at them to wake them up.

"It's Pain's birthday! You've gotta get out of bed, okay?" she announced, as they mumbled and groaned and sat up. Not exactly great progress, but those two could stay romantically in bed for _hours, _so she didn't want to push her luck and physically try and _drag _them out. That could get...ugly...

Next she forced her way into Hidan's rooom, covering her eyes just in case. When she decided that they were probably _not _naked, she opened her eyes. Hidan and Kakuzu were nowhere to be seen, but then, the light was off, and it was pretty darn dark. She stepped forwards, feeling for the lightswitch on the wall, but all thoughts of shedding light on the situation were stopped in their tracks as her foot met something warm. Something warm and fleshy. Something warm, fleshy, and wet. Biting down on her fist to stop herself from screaming, she jumped off of it, and practically flew over to the bed, jumping onto it and groping for the knife she always carried...which she didn't have, since she wasn't wearing what she usually did. Drat. Suddenly Hidan's voice rose out of the darkness.

"Shit! What the fuck was that for! Damn, that hurts like a freaking bastard!" Hidan groaned, sitting up and holding his squashed hand against his bloody chest. Konan gasped for air, beginning to laugh, and hit the switch. Light filled the room, shining upon Hidan's bare, bloody and gouged chest. Konan's breath caught in her chest for a moment.

"Er...Hidan...what are you doing?" she asked. Hidan looked up at her, his purple eyes amused.

"What the fuck do you _think _I'm doing? A ritual for Lord Jashin! But what the fuck are _you _doing in here? I mean, sure, pain is fucking _awesome, _but damn, that fucking _hurt!_" he said, grinning and rocking his hand. Konan laughed and slid down to the floor, running a hand through one of her pigtails.

"I came to wake you and Kakuzu up! It's Pain's birthday, remember? We're going down to Radley's, remember? And then Mesdames and Messieurs...and then the beach...remember?" Hidan rubbed his head and yawned.

"Yeah, yeah, I remember. Where the fuck is Kakuzu? Kakuzu?" he shouted, and after a while, Kakuzu slowly emerged from the connecting room.

"What?" he asked gruffly. Hidan laughed, gesturing at the huge gouge marks in his chest, and at the pair of scissors potruding from his thigh.

"Stitch me up, dammit!" Hidan ordered, and Konan hid a smile behind her hand. Kakuzu walked slowly towards the bed, and sat down. "I believe that before you started your dumb ritual, you said to stay out of the way. Now what, you _want _my help?" he said, examining his nails. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, okay, I did say that. But, whatever, just c'mon and sew me up, okay?" Hidan said, making a puppy-face. Konan thought that the big-eyes, cute-face tactic was lessened slightly by the huge puddle of blood Hidan was lying in. Kakuzu's expression didn't change, and he didn't move. Hidan sighed, and tried on a winning smile.

"Uh...Kakuzu...would you mind sewing me up? Pretty please? With sugar on top?" Kakuzu sighed, got off the bed, and grabbed a needle and thread from the bedside table. He sat down next to Hidan, and viciously punctured hs skin with the needle.

"Ow! DAMNIT! That hurts! Jashin, fuck!" Hidan roared as Kakuzu began savagely stitching him up.

"If you can complain about the needle, at least start complaining about the holes in your chest, you big baby." Kakuzu said methodically, and Konan smiled; it was fun to watch these two. At least, it was fun _after _you got over the pools of blood, huge gouges, and savage operations.

"You stupid dick! That's not even in the same league! This isn't some tiny little boo-boo, asshole!" Kakuzu made a non-commmital sound, and Hidan snarled.

"This fucking hurts like hell! It's like, damn, hyper-mega-ultra pain!" Hidan roared, and Kakuzu smirked under his mask.

"Good. Being the S+M perv you are, I bet you love it." he said simply, and Hidan swore even more violently. Konan excused herself, and went to wake up the others before any blood spattered onto her white shirt.

As she left the room, a scream of pain erupted from Hidan's lips, followed by a moan of pleasure. For the sake of her own sanity, Konan didn't look to see what had happened.

She knocked on the door to Deidara's room, then opened it. Waking up her friends was more difficult than she'd thought; even now, she wasn't sure if Kisame and Itachi had even started to get up. She rolled her eyes, and walked into the dark room. She the light of the hallway spilled into the room, and two masculine groans and complaints of 'five more minutes...' and 'turn off the lights, un...' could be heard over the quiet creaking of bed springs.

Konan grinned; Sasori and Deidara were probably her two best friends, besides Pain (haha, he doesn't count), within her group of friends. No matter how much they teased her, she still loved 'playing' with them. Her smile grew slightly wider as she moved silently over to the bed, and poked the one closest to her. His long, dark blonde hair told her that it was Deidara. He cracked open one slanted blue eye.

"Hey." Konan whispered. She saw him smile slightly, then close his eye.

"Hey. What's up, un?" he asked, and she sighed; did _everybody _forget it was Pain's birthday and that to skip class properly they would have to leave before breakfast!

"You have to get up, silly. We've got to go." she said, tugging on his hand. He sighed and rolled over, poking the boy next to him. Sasori's dark red hair was the definition of bed-head, and he, like Deidara, opened only one eye upon being poked.

"What?" he asked sulkily, sounding just like a pouting kid. Konan bit back a grin.

"Wake up." she said. He shook his head slowly, tugged on Deidara's hair, pulled him against his chest, and rolled over. Konan sighed; it was going to come down to brute force.

"Get _up!_" she exclaimed, knowing that she would start to laugh any minute as she grabbed Deidara's foot and began tugging him out of bed. Sasori's arms tightened once more around Deidara's waist, holding him still. Konan pulled harder. Sasori held tighter. Deidara opened one eye, looking at Konan, his face expressionless, and yet perfectly communicating his thoughts. Konan stared at him for a second, then tugged on his foot again, a grin breaking across her face.

Sasori opened his eyes, looking _very _much like Usagi-san in the early morning (Junjou Romantica, if you don't know, look it up, it's so epic :3). Konan couldn't smother her mouth completely, and a solitary giggle escaped her. In an instant, so quickly that all Konan had seen was a blond and red blur, two hands seized her arms and pulled her into the bed. Then two pairs of arms wrapped around her, one pair around her shoulders, the other around her waist. _Aww...group hug...:3 _Konan sighed.

"Are you guys _ever _going to get ready? We told Tsunade we'd leave for the funeral at eight, and it's like, 7:45 now!" Konan said, exasperated. On either side of her, Sasori and Deidara laughed softly.

"What makes you think we're not ready?" Sasori asked.

"Well said, Sasori my man." Deidara smirked. Konan blinked owlishly as both of the boys rolled out of the bed, and stood up to face her. The only things they weren't wearing were shoes and shirts.

"Look, I've got my wallet and ID in here already." Sasori demonstrated, digging a small black wallet with a little embroidered doll (that looked like Deidara) on the cover out of his back pocket, waving it in front of Konan's face. She laughed and rolled over, suddenly having the oddest suspition that _all _the others, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu, were all ready as well, and had probably only been pretending to be asleep (well...perhaps in Hidan's case, he really _wasn't _ready to go...) to tease her. Boys could be such..._boys. _

"Okay, okay, okay. I get it. Fine." Konan said, still grinning, as she rolled over again on their bed, reaching her hands under the pillows as she stretched.

Sasori and Deidara watched her with identically amused expressions as she felt something weird and rubbery under the pillow. She closed her fingers around it; it felt sort of like an extremely thin baloon. She tugged it out from under the pillow, completely unaware that Sasori and Deidara were watching her every move, and every so often exchanging knowing looks with each other. She held it between her fingers and dangled it above her face, looking at it.

It took her a full ten seconds for her to realize that she was holding a condom.

And another full ten seconds of wondering why it was pink and smelled of strawberry to realize it was flavored.

Ten seconds later, she realized why it was there.

She blinked.

She sat up.

She handed it worldessly to Sasori, who smirked and winked at her, then slid his arm around Deidara's waist. Konan got off the bed, brushed off her shirt, and walked stiffly from the room, reminding them to be ready in five minutes.

She closed the door behind her.

"EWWWWWWW! EWWWWWW! NAAAAASTYYYYY!"

Sasori and Deidara burst into laughter.

At eight o'clock exactly, they were all standing outside Tsunade's office, all wearing black overcoats, solom expressions, and carrying black umbrellas. Konan had accesorized with a black Cruella DeVil-esque lace hat-accessory-thing (I seriously don't know what they're called), and black gloves. Deidara's black eyeliner was thicker and slightly smudged, as was Konan's, but she had dark tear tracks where he had none. All in all, they looked a thoughraly miserable party. Tsunade surveyed them all, hands on hips, letter of permission in hand.

"Hmph." she made a snorting sound that expressed her suspicion perfectly, but nodded. "Please give my sympathy to your family, Hidan. I am truly sorry for the loss of your great-uncle. And as for you lot, the-" she broke off, holding the letter up to read it, "-favourite acquaintances and bingo team of the deceased, Mr Benji Cadaver-" she gave the group a hard look, taking in the red of Sasori's converse, just visible under his long black coat, before continuing. "I hope that you will behave, and may your friend rest in peace." she said, flashing them a smile before waving them out the doors into the pouring rain.

In a synchronized movement, they all put up their black umbrellas, and walked solomnly, silently, two by two, down the overgrown pavestone path, through the rickety iron gates, and out along the puddle-adorned sidewalk. Konan, who was walking next to Pain, reached out and held his hand. He squeezed her hand, and she looked up at him, giving him a small smile, remaining absolutly silent. The only sound was the steady pounding of the rain and the slow tread of their footsteps, accented by an occasional splosh as they stepped through puddles. They turned the corner around the end of the high, stone fence, and were instantly hidden from the view of the school.

"Okay," Pain said, and the others turned to look at him, some grinning, some not. "I guess nobody informed me that we'd be scattering dirt onto a coffin on my birthday." he said, and the others laughed.

"We're not." Itachi said, with a small smile.

"We're giving you the best fucking party ever, man, so you better appreciate it!" Hidan said, punching Pain's arm, grinning. Pain laughed.

"So...we're _not _going to the funeral of your great-uncle?" Pain asked with a smirk. Hidan laughed.

"Fuck, no! I don't think I even _have _one! But seriously, Big Boobs would _never _let us leave school if we told her what we're _really _doing!"

"C'mon people, we're running a tight schedule here! I _hate _being late." Sasori said, and grabbed Pain's wrist, dragging him towards the bus stop, and everybody else followed, grinning; Sasori had to be the most impatient person _ever_.

Within fifteen minutes, they were all piled onto the black doubledecker, and were speeding down the thin, twisting road leading to the city. Konan was sitting next to Pain, grinning as she looked out the window.

"Hey! It's snowing!" she said excitedly, pointing, and everybody piled onto the left side of the bus to look.

"OOOOH! WOOOOOOW! AMAAAAZING!" Konan felt a sweatdrop appear on her head; _how _old were these people? But she was happy, too, so she joined them in a lengthly conversation about snow, and their favourite things to do in the snow. After a while, Pain broke the silence that had briefly fallen upon them; "Um, dare I ask where we're going?" Everybody exchanged conspiratorial smiles, and put a finger to their lips. Pain shook his head with a grin, and looked out the window again.

"Hey, you kids wanted to get off at the first stop after Dementia, right?" the bus driver called out, and they all chorused "Yes!" back at him. He said that the next stop was the one they wanted, and they all piled off of the bus into the snow-dusted city.

"Radley's?" Pain asked, grinning broadly, and everybody nodded as they stepped into the lit-up arcade, which had a lingering aroma of cigar smoke.

"Hey, Boo! Usual table, 'kay?" Kisame called over to a dark-haired, tanned, wicked-eyed man who stood behind the Pay-Here counter. He looked to be around twenty-five or something. He removed the large black cigar from his mouth, and flashed the group a dazzelingly bright smile, winking at Konan before she followed the others in.

"Boo Radley?" she asked, smirking. Pain heard and looked down at her, smiling.

"Yeah, funny, right? Funnier still is that he can't stand _To Kill A Mockingbird. _Says that his namesake is too much of a recluse for his liking." Konan shook her head, smiling, and looped her arm around Pain's as they walked towards the only empty pool table, which was near the bar. While Pain, Sasori, Hidan, Itachi, Kisame and Kakuzu grabbed pool sticks and began setting up the table, Deidara and Konan sat on the barstools, fully prepared to watch. Konan had never touched a poolstick in her life, and she had seen too many Pink Panther movies to trust herself with one. Deidara simply preferred watching people play than play himself, despite being the best among the others.

"Hey, you girls want drinks?" the bar attendant asked gruffly. Konan and Deidara swivelled their bar stools to face him, Konan's expression amused, Deidara's the picture-perfect image of **not **amused. The bar man was big, and muscular in the way that probably meant he broke bar fights up with ease. Dark purple tattoos snaked up both his arms, and he was chewing a thick wad of gum.

"Um, can I get a...non-alchoholic Shirley Temple?" Konan asked awkwardly, unsure if they served them. The man cracked a smirk at her before turning to Deidara.

"What about you, gorgeous? Menu's up there, see anything you like?" he asked, giving him a practised leer which was probably supposed to be attractive. Deidara raised his eyebrow slightly.

"I think I need a second opinion, un. Sasori my man?" he called, a small smirk just below the surface of his nonchalant expression. Konan bit back a grin as she watched Sasori lean over Deidara, wrapping his arms around Deidara's shoulders, his face buried in his neck.

"What?" he asked, his voiced muffled. Deidara looked up at the barman calmly.

"I don't know what to order, un. What do you think?" he asked, and Sasori's eyes raised slowly to the barman's, who was now looking quite a bit _less _cocky, mostly due to the dangerous expression in Sasori's dark eyes.

"You should get a margarita. Sexy." Sasori said, biting Deidara's ear gently, all the while keeping eye contact with the barman, and Deidara nodded. The barman lumbered off, looking pretty miffed, while Konan sipped her drink, smiling. Sasori spoke quietly to Deidara for a moment before turning and returning to the game of pool. Deidara turned to look at Konan, holding the drink the barman slid towards him. Deidara grinned at Konan, who was swinging her legs childishly off her barstool. She stuck her tongue out at Deidara, and he laughed.

"So, whil the others are playing pool, do you wanna play something?" Deidara asked, and Konan nodded.

"Sure! Like what?" she asked, and Deidara replied with Truth or Dare. Konan weighed the pros and cons of the game; PROS: have fun, learn awesome things about Deidara and get him to do embarassing things. CONS: Be forced to reveal embarassing secrets and/or stories about herself, stress out, and be made to do embarassing things. For the sake of having fun, she said yes, and Deidara grinned wickedly at her.

"Okay. Do you want to go first?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Yes. Yes I do. Truth or Dare?" she asked, and Deidara automatically answered Truth. Konan grinned; she had a list of questions she had always wanted to ask Deidara.

"How did you start going out with Sasori? Details are manditory." she said, and Deidara sighed; this was something he never really discussed with her.

"Okay...So. Prepare yourself for the craziest story ever, un!" he said, giving her a thumbs-up, and Konan laughed. Deidara tugged on his long bangs for a second before taking a deep breath and beginning The Story****.

"So, when I first came to St Misery, Sasori was basically the School's own Host Club. He flirted with _everybody, _but never went out with them; he just teased them, and basically in short, the _entire school _(give or take a few stubborn cases) were in love with him, un. Except me, because I hated the way he would flirt with me and everybody all the time. Looking back, I guess it's totally obvious that I was jealous. So, he asked me out, which was pretty much ground-breaking news; he _never _asked anybody out before, un. But I said no. And I kept saying no until...well...for a while. And then he'd always try and convince me to say yes, like, he'd kiss me, and I'd say no. We'd make out, I'd say no. Stuff like that, un, until I finally realized I was in love with him. That's when I said yes, and...that's it, un." Deidara finished, and Konan had to wipe the stars out of her eyes.

"AWwwww! That's adorable! I swear, you guys are like, perfect for each other..." Konan said, spinning around on her barstool. Deidara laughed.

"Aw, geez, _another _fangirl. Just what we need." Konan paused, grinning.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and Deidara laughed.

"Kakuzu's making money off of us by taking pictures of us making out or something, and selling them to all the girls who are crazy BL lovers, un." he said, and Konan laughed; Kakuzu was Kakuzu, after all. Konan entered her mind theater, remembering the line from Robots; "See a need, fill a need!" The curtains of her mind-theater opened, and Kakuzu stood there, in a Shakespear Hamlet pose.

"See a need...make some money off of it!" he said dramatically, and Konan snorted with laughter, returning to reality.

"Truth or dare?" Deidara asked, and she bit her lip.

"Truth...?" she said uncertainly, and Deidara grinned.

"Good choice, un. Have you and Pain done anything yet? Like, had sex, or blowjobs, or...?" he asked, and Konan immediately blushed bright red. She could practically feel the steam pouring from her ears as she shook her head. Deidara nodded, grinning.

"I thought so." he said, nodding smartly, and Konan's chibi-soul escaped from her mouth. "Stay alive, there, Konan. It's your turn, un." Deidara said, miming forcing her soul back in. Konan laughed.

"Okay. Truth or dare?" she asked, and Deidara answered Dare. Konan laughed evilly. Deidara shook his head, smiling as she adopted a King Tadase pose. (Shugo Chara3)

"You..." she dramatically pointed her finger at Deidara, standing in a victoriously arrogant pose. "..have just made a HUGE MISTAKE!" she said, smirking. Deidara, to his credit, did look half-nervous. He was probably faking it, but whatever. "I...Dare...You...To..." Deidara took advantage of her dramatic pause to fake a yawn. "To...Hit on Sasori, and remain the seme throughout the _whole _thing! Don't you _dare _back down! But also, don't go too far, because seriously, we can't keep playing if you go off and lock yourself in a bathroom or something." Konan said importantly, and Deidara laughed.

"I just have to...er...stay the seme? Through the whole thing? Sure, un..." he said, but he looked a little uncertain, and Konan knew why; this would be a particularly difficult dare, because Sasori, with his huge ego, and all of his arrogance, could _never _relinquish his hold on being the Man in the relationship. Deidara tossed his long hair over his shoulder, and slid off the bar stool, walking determinedly towards Sasori, who was leaning on his poolstick as Itachi attempted a difficult shot. Konan couldn't help herself from grinning; this would be fun.

Deidara got right up behind Sasori, and Konan took out her camera; the yearbook staff was in short supply at the school, and providing pictures was her civic duty as a student, right? Right? _Okay, fine, I'm a perv. A boy-love perv. _she thought to herself grumpily, but focused back onto the scene before her. Deidara had grabbed one of Sasori's shoulders, spinning him around quickly. Sasori was surprised, and his pool stick fell to the ground as Deidara's mouth crashed into his own. (Konan, meanwhile was snapping pictures, and the other guys were carrying on with the pool game as if it was normal...because, it _was _normal...:3..heh heh heh...) Sasori began kissing back, obviously doing what he usually did; force Deidara into submission.

But this time, and Konan smirked as she saw him doing it, Deidara fought back, walking Sasori backwards against the wall, and pinning his arms above his head. Sasori frowned, but didn't stop kissing. Deidara kept dominance of the kiss successfully for about...ten seconds more, and then Sasori had him turned around, against the wall, and moaning into his mouth, one hand pressed up against the wall, the other draped over Sasori's shoulder. Sasori had one hand pressed to the wall next to Deidara's face, the other pinning Deidara's hand above his head. Konan snapped another picture, then a few of Pain and the others playing pool.

Pain caught her eye as she adjusted the lens, and mouthed something to her. She concentrated for a moment, then blushed furiously, realizing he'd just mouthed _you're such a perv _to her. Great. She stuck her tongue out at him, then remembered that her truth-or-dare partner was sucking face unneccisarily.

"Hey! Deidara! Hello! Play with me, fool!" she said, laughing and waving at him. It took Deidara ten seconds to notice somebody was talking to him, and thirty more for him to wrench himself away from Sasori, who glared over at Konan with a merciless expression that clearly communicated the message that he considered her to be rudely interrupting. Deidara bit Sasori's neck playfully, earning him a lustful look that was quickly replace with regret as he sashayed (okay, not quite that...) over to Konan and relaxed back onto the bar stool, his hair slightly messier and his cheeks and lips slightly redder than they had been before his departure.

"Was that okay, un? I mean, I could always try again..." he said, shooting Konan a teasing smile. She blushed.

"No, no...once is enough. Your turn." she said, sipping her drink, glad the bartender had decided that they were better off _without _his presence. Deidara assumed _The Thinker_'s pose, then grinned up at her.

"'Kay. Truth or Dare?" Konan bit her straw gently, considering.

"Mm..dare..." she said uncertainly, and Deidara raised his eyebrows, smirking.

"Good. Okay...I dare you to put your hand in Pain's back pocket, and grab his ass." Konan bit her lip; she knew that it was bad, seeing as they were playing the 'good old' _You can't tell them at any time that you're on a dare _version of the game, but it could be _much _worse, so she'd take her chances.

"Okay..." she said, sliding reluctantly off her stool. Deidara winked at her, brandishing the camera. "Hey! No way!" Konan protested, jumping for it. Deidara sat on the bar, the large camera waving high above Konan's head. He was grinning wickedly at her.

"It's payback. For all the pervy Bl-fangirl ones you took of me and my man Sasori, un." he said teasingly, and she blushed, scowling and crossing her arms.

"Well...yeah..okay, _fine._" she said, giving up on finding something more pithy to say. Deidara winked and shooed her away, pointing at Pain. Konan turned and walked towards him. _Great. I get to grope him, and am totally forbidden from providing any other explanation than 'I wanted to'. Love-lee. _Konan sighed, and grinned in spite of herself; as she looked Pain up and down as he stood, leaning on the billiard table, black jeans fitting him _just _right, black dress shirt looking sexy with it's first four buttons undone and it's sleeves rolled up, he looked _hot. _Very hot. Hot, hot, so very hot..._Dammit! _Konan pressed her hands to her face, feeling the blush spreading across her cheeks.

She sighed and walked closer to Pain, watching as Itachi's stick made contact with the white ball, sending it rolling and crashing into the red one, which sunk into the corner hole. She contemplated leaning next to Pain and waiting a bit before making her move (HAH), but thought better of it: that would just make it _so _much more awkward. She just walked behind him, paused, and slipped her hand into his back pocket. He twitched slightly, and she seriously couldn't blame him. She paused for a fraction of a second before grabbing his butt and removing her hand, walking stiffly away, blushing furiously, trying to ignore the loud clickings and bright flashes of the camera as Deidara went wild with it.

She had taken two steps, however, when a hand grabbed _her _butt. She jumped, and turned, to find Pain smirking at her. He winked, then resumed his determined stare at the table. She stood there for a second, before grinning, thinking, definately not for the first time, that she had the _ultimate best boyfriend EVER! _and sprinting back over to the bar, where Deidara was laughing.

"Bravo. Smashing performance. Total bang, un." he said, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Mature." he commented, before she asked him Truth or Dare.

They spent about an hour and a half longer playing Truth or Dare as the pool game continued. The truths ranged from 'if you could have one mutation, what would it be?' to 'Do you think it's rape if you like it?'. The dares covered everything in between 'Take Sasori's belt off with your teeth' and 'Dance on the bar'. At the end of it all, Deidara and Konan had both been mentally and physically exhausted by humiliation and amusement.

"Pool game's over. Pain won, stupid bastard." Hidan announced, coming over and chugging down a bottle of some kind of alchohal.

"Back outside!" Kisame announced, and they left Radley's and began walking towards their next Pain's-Birthday-Will-Be-Awesome location.

"So...where exactly are we going?" Pain asked, the edges of his mouth tilted up in a small smile as they passed yet another candy store (they had already walked past about seven in twenty minutes).

"Hmm...you'll see." Itachi said quietly, and Pain sighed, crossing his arms behind his head.

"I don't suppose we're going to Mesdames and Messieurs, are we?" he asked casually, casting a sideways glance at Konan, who twitched slightly:_ANOTHER DEAD-ON GUESS! YAAAGH! _Sasori sighed, slinging an arm around Deidara, and turning his head to glare at Pain, half in exasperation, half in amusement.

"You seriously need to stop doing this." Sasori advised, and Pain merely grinned.

"It was just a guess." he said, un peu en retard. Konan rolled her eyes, but smiled as he reached down and linked his fingers through hers, squeezing her hand. She laughed as they crossed the road and the wind suddenly picked up violently, blowing her hair around wildly. She was glad that the bows holding it in ponytails were still intact. The fairground of Mesdames and Messieurs was practically deserted, due to the wind and it being a schoolday (it was mostly a hangout for teens), and there wasn't a wait at the ticket gate.

"Fuck yeah! I fucking _love _this place!" Hidan said happily, grinning around at the rides.

"Yeah? I've never been here, but I _love _rollercoasters!" Konan said, looking longingly at the twisting metal form on the other side of the fairground.

"Okay. We should all decide on what to do, together, you know?" Konan suggested, turning around to face her friends, who all basically nodded.

"Fuck, yeah!" Hidan exclaimed as they all agreed to go on the biggest rollercoaster -Happily Never After- and ran towards it. There was a line of eight people, and they got on the train after it.

"Shawty front!" everybody (excluding Itachi, who was too cool, Konan, who had never 'shawtied' something in her life, and Kakuzu, who had a natural distaste of front seats) shouted simultaneously.

"Okay, Pain gets front because it's his birthday." Sasori said finally, and before anybody (except Konan, who was a quick protester) could protest, he had grabbed her wrist and had dragged her over and into the front seat with him. She blushed, realizing that although it was two people per seat, it was pretty squishy- she was kind of mashed against Pain. Not that either of them minded in the least, of course.

"Shawty back!" the others shouted; back was scary in the 'we're gonna die' way. Finally, Deidara and Sasori took the seat behind Konan and Pain, Hidan and Kakuzu claimed the back, leaving Kisame and Itachi to squish into the last remaining compartment on the eight-seater train.

"Going Far Far Away in 5...4...3...2..." the automated voice eminating from the control booth rang out, and Konan felt a nervous jolt in her stomach; she _adored _roller coasters, but she hadn't been on one in a _long, _long time. "Hey," Pain said in a low voice in her ear, and she jumped, then looked up at him, her breath catching as she realized that his mouth was hardly an inch away from her forehead.

"Are you gonna scream?" he asked, grinning at her slowly. She bit her lip.

"No..." she said in a small voice. He laughed quietly.

"Okay. I dare you not to scream." he said, and she tugged her hair gently as a loud buzzing filled the air.

"And if I scream?" she asked as the ride began to vibrate. Pain grinned at her, shooting her a full sexy look.

"I'll think of something, and I promise I'll collect sometime." he said in a dangerously attractive voice. Konan couldn't hold back her shiver as the ride suddenly began moving forwards quickly, shooting straight ahead at a speed that left her stomach behind at the station. She held the safety bar in a deathgrip as the ride sped up a steep hill, then whirled a swift right at the top. Konan bit her lip, holding in a scream of half-joy, half-horror; they were facing a _huge _drop, so steep that there was an underground hole that swallowed up the track at the bottom. No joke; the track went vertically down, straight into a hole, where presumably the rest of the ride continued.

"True...Love's...Kiss..." a rather gothic-looking princess sang out as they shot down, Konan's lip bleeding from trying not to scream. Once underground, princes and princesses popped up around them, singing a rather creepy version of Beauty and the Beast, reminding her of the opening to Elfen Lied. The ride zigged and zagged, and just as Konan had released her teeth from her bleeding and abused bottom lip, the rollercoaster shot out of the underground passage, and zoomed vertically into the air again, then immediately into four loop-the-loops in a row, finally ending up in a steep drop, followed by a sharp turn that sent her crashing against Pain, who laughed. Up and down, the rollercoaster soared, until finally it seemed to flatten out- fifty feet in the air. The screeching of brakes sounded, and the ride stopped, just before a split in the track.

"What do you think, Mesdames and Messieurs?" a voice called over the loudspeaker next to the train.

"Grimm or Anderson?"

"GRIMM!" the others shouted before Konan realized that it was talking about the authors of fairytales.

"Very well..." the voice said, and the train started up again, veering violently to the left. Konan's stomach lurched as she saw that the tracks were heading up -_again_. At the top, they passed under a figure with broken wings, and then Konan looked down; they were _at least _four hundred and fifty metres above the ground. She opened her mouth, feeling the necklace Pain had given her rise into the air as she and the train shot down...down..._too fast. _

"...Thank you for riding Happily Never After. Please exit the station once the ride has come to a complete halt, and find true love's kiss." the automated voice echoed around the station.

Konan was limp.

Pain laughed, and hoisted her out of the seat, wrapping an arm around her and walking her out of the loading area while the others dragged themselves out of the train.

"That was some scream." Pain said, grinning down at Konan, who just nodded dumbly. Ten seconds later, she was revived and begging to go on again.

"Not until we've been on every other ride, silly." Sasori said sweetly, linking his arm through hers and guiding her towards the other rides.

They ended up going on every ride. Even the merry-go-round. Pain, prepared as always, had whipped out the camera, snapping pictures left right and center. _Cha-ching, yearbook space here we come! :3 _Konan and Pain shared a huge stick of cotton candy and took pictures of each other and the others while they went on ride after ride. Konan got a really cute picture of Itachi and Kisame in the bumper cars, and Pain snapped a hilarious one of Hidan and Kakuzu on the Hellevator, where Hidan was doing that rock-and-roll hand thing (with his middle and fourth fingers down...?) and Kakuzu was yelling in anguish: his spare change had slipped out of his pocket and tumbled down to earth. Konan jumped up as Deidara and Sasori ran over to the Tunnel of Love.

"What're you doing?" Pain called out, stretching out on the bench.

She flashed him a smile and brandished the camera, running to the exit of the ride. She got a perfect position, where she could see the heart-shaped tunnel, centered in the picture, and Deidara and Sasori coming out, making out (typically). It was actually a good picture, and Sasori joked that he wanted it enlarged and stuck to his ceiling. Konan retured to Pain, and ate some cotton candy, holding his hand under the umbrella as it began to rain lightly. And then she saw them. The spinning teacups. She half-moaned, half-gasped.

"_Somebody's _turned on..." Deidara said suggestively as he passed with Sasori to get a drink. Pain turned to see what she was looking at. And then he laughed.

"Oh, wow. Teacups?" he asked, grinning at her, and she locked eyes with his, his amused and playful, hers full of excitement and need (not _that _kind, pervs! ;D).

"Wanna go o-"

"YEEEESSS!" Konan practically bellowed, seizing his hand and sprinting over. The ride operater let them on immediately; nobody else was there, and they immediately piled into a purple teacup, with little black and blue flowers around the top. Konan was bouncing happily in her seat as the ride began, and a nice melody began playing. The cup began spinning, and she leaned back and laughed as her hair flew out around her, the ribbons valiently retaining their hold on the pigtails.

Konan always felt happy at amusement parks, because they were places she only went to as a special treat on her birthday sometimes, or when her mother was still legally 'sane'. She looked back up at Pain, and just as she did, he had reached over, placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him, and kissed her.

She smiled, placed her hands on either side of his face, holding him close as the ride span faster. She was suddenly flung against him from the force of the spinning, and he laughed, wrapping his arms around her. She closed her eyes, smiling and holding his hand, and was glad that he was there. For the first time, she was actually completely aware of being happy that somebody loved her.

At seven O'clock, they left the amusement park, and got on another bus, heading to a place called Dephic, or Delphie, or something (Sasori's instructions were pretty vague), a beach where you could rent out motorbikes, and go riding around. It also had a bar and grill, and a popular dance hall-thing. The bus ride was an hour long. Konan sat next to Pain, mostly asleep and leaning on his chest. Hidan was praying to his god quietly (with a few choice swears worming their way into his testamonts every so often), Itachi and Kisame were discussing something like the best way to die, and Deidara and Sasori were playing Cliff, Shag or Marry. Suddenly Kakuzu's phone rang, catching everyone's attention as Rich Girl began playing. He groped around in his pocket for it.

_Nananananananananana...'Cause I got all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy giiiiir- _

"Yeah?" Kakuzu snapped it open, and the one-sided conversation the others could hear surrounded the sale of a 'bulk package of SasoDei, and two seperate orders of KisaIta and KakuHida. Konan blinked herself awake and yawned, looking up at Pain.

"What's SasoDei, KisaIta and KakuHida?" she asked, and Pain gave her a small smile.

"Only the school's biggest BL business. Kakuzu's running the whole thing. He doesn't like selling himself so much, but KakuHida's so popular among S+M lovers that he feels he'd lose about a thousand dollars per term if he _didn't._" Pain explained.

"Oh...so...what's he selling?" Konan asked, too sleepy to try and understand on her own. Pain absent-mindedly tugged on one of her pigtails. "You know...posters, pictures, calendars, magnets, probably home-movies... stuff like that for all their fangirls and boys." he said, and Konan laughed. Then an awful thought occured to her.

"_We _don't have any fangirls or boys, right?" she asked, and Pain laughed.

"No way. According to Sasori, we're the 'adorable ones who are probably gonna have loads of kids and get married and have a great sex life -_privately_.'. _They're _the ones (example A: Deidara, Sasori) who get people wanting their autographs because -gasp- they're gay, and -gasp- they're a really _sexy _couple, and -gasp- everybody in the school had a crush on Sasori until -gasp- _Deidara, _the is-he-a-girl-or-a-boy beauty arrives and sweeps him off his feet! Or maybe example B, Kakuzu and Hidan. Oooh, their relationship's all rocky and everything, ooh, Hidan's pmsing, how does Kakuzu deal with it? Ooh, S+M, I love it! Ooh, they had a fight! Hate sex, hate sex! And Kisame and Itachi..." Pain bit back a grin as he thought, "They're the _sensitive _ones. The ones where it's all Aww...Kisame's somehow gotten close to Itachi, the aloof, solitary beauty! Aww, they're together! Aww they're so perfect, Kisame's just like a big teddy bear! Aww, Itachi's shy about they're relationship! Aww, what's going on now? Aww, they're kissing! Must-take-picture! That kind of thing." Pain explained with a nod, and Konan nodded dumbly.

"Well, I guess it makes Kakuzu happy." she said after a while, and Pain laughed. Konan tucked her head beneath his chin, and fell asleep, missing the rest of the voyage.

When she woke up, her face was buried in Pain's shoulder, and all her blood had rushed to her feet, leaving her dizzy.

"And sleeping beauty wakes up." Itachi said, smiling up at her. She blinked, smiled, and looked around before realizing that Pain was giving her a piggy-back.

"Hey, Pain...you can put me down now, if you want..." she said, and gave her a wicked smile. Konan sighed, wrapping her arms around him: apparently, she wasn't touching the ground anytime soon. They were walking along a forest path, and since Konan had been asleep, she had no idea _how _they'd gotten there, since there wasn't a forest anywhere _near _the city.

"Where are we going again?" Konan asked with a yawn.

"I'll tell you, just a sec..." Sasori said from behind her. The next thing she heard were running footsteps and Pain swearing lightly under his breath. Then Sasori had jumped. Grabbing Pain around his shoulders, and holding onto Konan with his knees, Sasori clung to both of them as Pain staggered slightly under the new weight and the force of Sasori's jump, but he recovered quickly enough and kept walking, albeit slower. Konan laughed as Sasori shifted, almost _climbing _on her to get to her ear.

"We're going to ent-ray otorbikes-may at-hay ellybean-jay ark-pay, and-hay open-hay resents-pay at-hay e-thay ellybean-jay afe-cay, lus-pay et-gay ood-fay and-hay rinks-day. Emember-ray?" Konan, by this time, was laughing into Pain's shoulder; Pig latin was usually something second graders used to make sure nobody could understand their 'secret code'. But Sasori...wow. Just wow. "Emember-ray?" Sasori persisted, slipping slightly, but clinging to Pain and Konan nonetheless.

"Es-yay, I-hay emember-ray. Ut-bay, are-hay e-way oing-gay o-tay ive-gay im-hay is-hay resents-pay efore-bay or-hay after-hay otorbiking-may? And-hay, I-hay ave-hay ever-nay idden-ray a-hay otorbike-may in-hay y-may ife-lay. Ow-hay am-hay I-hay onna-gay-"

"Elax-ray," Sasori interrupted. "Ain-Pay ill-way ake-tay ou-yay on-hay is-hay. Okay-hay?" Konan nodded, and Sasori (to both Pain and Konan's relief) relaxed his grip and slipped off. Deidara handed him the camera, having just taken about eight photos of the three-person piggyback.

"Here it is!" Kisame said, and they all looked up to see that he was right: a bright fluorescent sign proclaiming Jellybean Park in fuscia and purple was just visible through the last few trees before the path widened into a large field, then a large beach. The light rain had stopped, but they could still see their breath as they sped up. Pain took hold of Konan's foot, and used it to kick Sasori lightly in the side.

"You know, I-hay ould-cay understand-hay every-hay ord-way at-thay ou-yay aid-say." he said with a grin, and Sasori scowled. He turned to Deidara, speaking in an undertone.

"Mental note: Pain can understand pig latin." Deidara nodded, and Konan smiled; the reason she'd found it so funny was that she'd _learned _pig latin from Pain. She'd just 'accidentally-on-purpose' _forgotten _to warn Sasori. They all entered the Jellybean Park lobby, where a girl stood behind the counter, doodling on a piece of paper that looked suspiciously like a paycheck. She looked up and smiled.

She was wearing fuscia lipstick, thick mascara, a tight pair of fuscia short-shorts over black fishnets, with black boots with spike heels, and a fuscia corset top with a black bow at the top. There was a black tattoo of a rose on her shoulder, standing out against her lightly tanned skin. Her hair was blonde with hot pink streaks, and it fell to her waist.

"Hey you guys! It's my favourite customers!" she said with a big pink smile.

"Hey, Evangeline!" Pain said with a grin. The girl gave him a sultry look, and Konan suddenly felt like kicking her.

"Hey there, Sasori. How's my big boy?" she asked, a flirting lilt in her musical voice. Sasori gave her a wink and a dreamy look, before Deidara ground his heel into Sasori's foot. Sasori slid his arm around the blonde's waist, and kissed his neck.

"Just kidding..." he said affectionately, and Deidara scowled.

"Uh huh...sure..." he said sulkily, but seemed to let it go. After greeting all the guys, Evangeline's bright blue (_obviously _contacts...) eyes fell upon Konan. Konan thought it was seriously dumb that the girl supposedly noticed her _last, _because she was getting a piggyback from they guy who held most of her attention.

"Who's this?" she asked, slightly less friendly, but still smiling toxicly. Pain let her down, and Konan set her feet back on the ground, looking at Evangeline, who was obviously annoyed that her favourite bachelor had brought a friend. A _girl _friend, to be precise. Konan gave her a small smile, but it was the fakest one she'd ever given. Faker than the one she'd given the camera at her father's second marriage. Evangeline was making a similar expression: both girls' mouths were plastered into friendly smiles, but their eyes held the 'if looks could kill' feeling plainly.

"This is Konan, my girlfriend." Pain said awkwardly, and Evangeline's eyes narrowed slightly while Konan smirked..._slightly. _

"How nice for you." she said, her teeth gritted slightly.

Konan made a point of taking Pain's hand, her eyes never leaving Evangeline's. Suddenly it occured to her that she was being a _major _biatch. She bit her lip, feeling bad. Until Evangeline got up from her desk, grabbed a set of keys, and told them to follow her, making sure that Pain went first and walking in such a way that made her hips twist with each step. Konan narrowed her eyes; okay, this bitch wanted _her _boyfriend? She'd have to fight for him. Konan glowered at her back, walking after Pain. Sasori and Deidara exchanged amused looks, before taking out the camera, sharing conspiratorial smiles with the others; this would be fun.

Evangeline showed them to a shed full of motorbikes. Pain immediately rolled out a shiny black one, and handed Konan a helmet. Within fifteen minutes, they were all riding along a load of forest paths with hills and things. Konan was doing just fine, holding Pain's waist in a deathgrip and singing Candy Cave in her mind as they flew along the paths _much _faster than she'd expected; it seemed nearly as fast as the rollercoaster they'd been on just hours previous. It wasn't until she caught sight of a sign that read 'Jump Zone' ahead that she began to feel a _teensy _bit nervous.

A lot nervous.

"Ready?" Pain called over the roar of the wind and the engine. Konan shook her head, which was pressed against his back, and he laughed, exhilerated, before accelerating _more _and sooming towards the first one. _Relax, _a small voice in Konan's head told her, _Pain's done this practically all his life. The chances of us falling are only 4 in 82. That's not bad. _the voice told her. She mentally replied that that statistic was completely made up. _Well, yeah. _Not reassuring. Not reassuring at _all. _Too soon, however, they were speeding up a steep incline, and then- they were flying through the air.

"Stand up!" Pain shouted, and Konan obeyed, her vice-like grip of Pain incapable of letting her stay down, anyways. They landed, and luckily the suspension of the bike saved their legs from most of the shock. They did a sharp turn, and were soon hurtling up yet _another _jump.

"Ready?" Pain called, and once again she shook her head. He laughed and they took off, going higher than they had before. About ten jumps later, Konan's legs had turned to water, her arms to jelly, and her stomach to an iron safe containing mollases, she was clenching it so hard. She switched the song in her head to Barbara Manatee as they roared away from the Jump Zone towards what looked like an even more life-threatening area.

_Barbara Manateeeeee...you are the one for meee..._she hummed as the bike swerved and thundered beheath her. _Sent from up abooooove...you are the one I love..._ Hidan let out a loud shriek of amusement as he roared past them, and Pain asked her playfully if she was ready for a race.

"Sure..." she replied feebly, _so _glad she wasn't driving. Or maybe she wished she was: if she had her way, they'd be doing at most thirty miles/hour, would _not _go on any jumps, and would be wearing sumo-suits. For protection. Okay, nevermind. That would be _very _dumb.

_But if you leave, Bill, who will take me to the ball? Who's going to take me to the ball, Bill? I have a new dress and shoes-! And new Manatee lipstick! Who will take me...to the ball? _Ahh...Silly Songs with Larry were _totally _the way to relax during a death-defying ride hurtling at breakneck speed into a swirling vortex of doom.

Finally, it was over. They'd locked up their bikes, and were all comfortably seated around a large fuscia table inside the Jellybean Cafe. Evangeline, coincidentally (_not_) was their waitress, and had just gone to get everybody milkshakes and pizza.

"Okay, present time!" Kisame announced, and everybody looked at each other.

"Wait..." Sasori said, frowning. Konan looked nervously from Sasori to Pain. Hidan swore loudly, and Itachi face-palmed. Deidara tried to shrink in his seat, and Kakuzu harmlessly examined his nails. Kisame coughed awkardly. Sasori leaned over to Konan.

"Id-day ou-yay emember-ray our-yay resent-pay?" he hissed, and she shook her head.

"Okay..._not _present time, Kisame!" Sasori announced with a loud laugh. "Ahahaha...remember we're giving Pain his presents when we get _back, _so he won't have to carry them around! Ahahahaha...remember?" he asked, and everybody nodded in unison.

"_Oh _yes." they all said, and Pain laughed.

"Okay, sure! So, what are we gonna do?" he asked, and everybody looked at everybody else again.

"Karaoke!" Deidara announced, pointing at the large fuscia (_everything _is fuscia at Jellybean park...) karaoke machine across the abandoned cafe.

"YEAAAAH!" they all cheered. Deidara's phone rang, the beginning of Wannabe filling the air. All the guys, even Deidara, looked at Konan.

"What?" she asked, and they all realized it wasn't _her _laughing.

"I swear, it sounds so much like you, even _I _forget it's my phone, un." Deidara said with a grin, flipping it open. "What?" he asked, turning away to talk while the others crowded around the karaoke machine, which had four microphones and was in front of a purple stage. Just as they'd decided to play after eating, Evangeline returned.

"Order up, boys!" she called, sashaying over to their table and dumping down their milkshakes and pizza.

"Oh, sorry," she said to Konan as she walked back. "We ran out of strawberry." she said with a half-apologetic shrug. Konan said it didn't matter, and Pain offered to share his chocolate with her. Konan accepted and just as she offered to get another straw, Pain said they could just share. Evangeline glowered at them as they shared the chocolate millkshake before asking if anybody minded if she pulled up a chair and hung out with them, seeing as it was a slow day. _YES! I HAVE A PROBLEM! _Konan wanted to yell, but she didn't: it was Pain's birthday, and this was probably one of his old friends. Old girlfriend, maybe... she frowned slightly, annoyed that nobody had thought to tell her that Pain's ex was here.

She savagely ripped a slice of vegetarian pizza from the box, and bit into it, scowling; it was just typical that she was going to be in a bad mood on Pain's birthday. A morbid thought came into her head; she didn't look or act _anything _like this blonde girl. Evangeline had a _very _curvy figure, with a chest that was kind of bursting out of her tight corset-shirt. She also had a small nose and a mouth that easily slid into a wide smile. She didn't have any piercings, and she didn't exactly _look _the gothic Lolita type; her clothes were probably part of her uniform. Konan could see her wearing tight jeans and a halter top any day. Konan herself, on the other hand, had kind of modest curves.

Her father had (embarassingly, as you can imagine) paid a doctor to come and look at her, claiming that she was 'not developping properly' the last time she'd seen him. The doctor (probably because of the hundred dollar bills her father had given him) informed them that hers was the late-blooming figure that would probably be very attractive when fully developed. So that's what her father told all the guys he wanted her to marry or something; although she's a little under-developed, the doctor has assured me that she will have a perfect figure very soon. Dummy.

The only thing Konan particularly liked about herself were her legs. Probably because they were the only things her father had never criticized as being 'too short' or 'too long' or 'too big' or 'too small'. Her butt was probably the thing that started her father up on their arguments about her physical condition: he often hid it under ruffly skirts and things after her dad had said that he could see it clearly when she was wearing sweatpants. Extra-large sweatpants. _Not _the way to get self-esteem, Daddy dearest.

Konan sighed and looked out the window; just a few hours here, and she'd never see Evangeline again. Hopefully.

After the pizza and milkshakes were gone, they all surrounded the karaoke machine, which Evangeline turned on and set to 'performance'. It was one of those high-tech ones that nobody else could figure out. Even turning it on was complicated. Deidara had to make a call, so Sasori grabbed Konan and dragged her up onto the stage, handing her a mic.

"LOVE SHACK!" he shouted, and Hidan pressed play. Konan slung off her jacket as Sasori began: "If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says 15 miles to the-"

"_LOve ShACK!" _Konan sang, and she heard the click of the camera. "Love shack, yeah..." she sang, grinning. 'I'm heading down the Atlanta highway...lookin' for the love getaway, heading for the love getaway.."

"I got me a car, it's as big as a whale, and we're heading down to the love shack...I got me a Chrysler, it seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your juke-box money!" Sasori sang, and everybody cheered.

"The love shack is a little old place where we can get together...Love shack, bay-bee!"

_"Love shack, baby_" Sasori sang seductively.

"Love shack! Baby, Love shack! Love shack! Baby, Love shack!" Konan sang, jumping up and down.

_"Love shack, baby that's where it's at...Love shack, baby that's where it's at..." _Sasori said, giving Konan a dreamy look. She cheered as the word 'cheer' appeared on the screen in pink. Sasori began the next verse, and by that time, everybody was singing along: "Sign says, 'stay away, fools!' 'Cause love rules...at the lo-o-ove shack..."

"It's set way back in the middle of a field, just a funky old shack, and I gotta bet back..." Konan sang.

When Love Shack ended, Hidan and Kisame got up and sang a _very _funny version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. After a huge air-guitar scene, Hidan grabbed the mic; "I see a little silhouetto of a man-"

"SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE, WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO?" Kisame sang into his mic.

"Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightning me-!" they duetted, and then- "Galileo!" Hidan sang in a very high-pitched voice.

"Galileo." Kisame sang, super low.

"Galileo!"

"Galileo!"

"Galileo figaro-"

"Magnifico-o-o-o-"

"But I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me-"

"HE'S JUST A POOR BOY FROM A POOR FAMILY! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!"

"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go-"

"BISMILLAH! NOOOO WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO-"

"LET HIM GO!"

"BISMILLAH!" etc, etc.

Too funny.

Everybody had sung around seven times. Pain had sung a very emotional 'Cecilia' with Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi, which had brought a tear to Konan's eye...and her ear. Sasori and Deidara had sung Somebody told me -pretty ironicly: Sasori took the chorus: "Well somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had in Feburary of last year.."

"Okay, okay, I'm picking the next one!" Deidara said, selecting a song and pressing play. He got back up stage and smirked at Sasori before starting the song: "Anything _you _can do, _I _can do better!"

"HAH!"

"I can do anything better than you."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can't." etc.

Konan went up next, taking Pain with her. She pressed play after selecting a song. Pain began; "I wake up late every morning, manager's calling, I'm still yawning. Get up, wake up, hair and make up, he's waiting for you, don't be stalling. This performance is important, I don't think I can put my all in-"

Konan began the girl's part; "Hold on! I was up last night, I was all kickin' it, and I don't feel right. Gave my number to a bre who wasn't my type, now my phone's on silent, I'm being polite-"

"Private callers get no love from me, now let me be-"

"Oh my gosh, my days are getting longer and there's no turning back, I'm working a nine to five, just to keep my contract, did I say nine? I meant one thirty, I ain't no early birdie, I'm workin' a nine to five-"

"La la la la, la la la la la la..." Evangeline grabbed the mic next and asked Pain to sing with her. Konan told herself she would have no problem with it. But Evangeline chose My Humps. Konan dug her nails into her hands, telling herself not to be so silly. She felt so bitchy, just like one of those bitchy girlfriends from RoComs. The possesive, jealous ones who fly off the handle if their boyfriend talks to another girl. Gaah. But she couldn't help feeling irritated at Evangeline's _obvious _flirting as she swung her hips and winked during the song.

"What'you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?"

"I'mma get-get-get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump!" Very appropriate. An hour later, everybody was exhausted, and Evangeline proposed that they all get drinks. Like, _drink _drinks. Konan bit her lip: she'd never really had much alchohol, and she had _never _gotten drunk in her life. Because in her personal opinion, sixteen-year-olds don't need to get date-raped. But luckily...she'd never been on a date except with Pain...and he was unlikely to do that...soo...no harm, right? Except that she was one of two girls among seven guys. However, only one of those guys was straight. Konan stopped her mental argument before she got a headache. Evangeline got them all drinks.

"What's that?" Pain asked, pointing at her yellowy drink. She smiled at him.

"It's called an orgasm." she said seductively.

Konan mentally face-palmed as the others laughed. Biting back a bitchy comment (she'd been biting back a _lot_ since Evangeline had showed up), she sippedher drink. Hmm. Not bad. She could definately taste the alchohol.

"Hey, Konan..." she looked up. Silence fell, embarassingly enough, as she realized that Evangeline was talking to her.

"Mmhmm?" she said, not particularly trusting herself with actual words just yet.

"Do you want to have a drinking game?" she asked, a toxic smile plastering itself to her Barbiedoll face.

"What kind of game?" Konan asked, frowning. Evangeline smirked.

"I'll get out a few more bottles of vodka from the back. We'll get two glasses, and start drinking. Whoever loses -i.e. passes out, throws up, collapses, whatev- first, loses." (Well _duh_, Einstein, Konan thought snarkily) "The winner gets to kiss any boy of her choice present." Evangeline said, and Konan knew that she knew that she knew...er...that she would pick Pain.

_No way are _your _fuscia lips touching _my _boyfriend! YOU WHOREY COW! _

Konan stood up and grabbed two glasses, slamming them down in front of Evangeline and herself.

"You're on." she said simply. The guys had remained perfectly silent; the aura of evil coming off of Konan was too dangerous to interfere with. Evangeline grabbed the bottles from the back, and as she was gone, Deidara spoke up.

"Er...Konan, are you sure you want to do this? Because...you've never drunk that much before, have you...?" he asked tentatively. Konan shot him a look that shut him up. Evangeline came back and uncorked two bottles, handing one to Konan.

"Okay. Glass number one." she said, and they both poured the alchohol into their glasses. They tipped back at the same time, and slammed their glasses down. The strong vodka was _not _Konan's idea of a pleasant drink. But disgusting or not, she would _not lose! GAAAAAAAAAH! _

(Okay, mental shouting will continue throughout the scene, just so you know, and so _I _don't have to write it :3)

By glass six, Konan was still okay, glaring at Evangeline, who was still smirking. at glass eight, Konan remembered that Vodka was Pain's favourite drink, besides 7up. She seriously was beginning to wonder _how _he could like it. Glass thirteen was tough, and they were drinking so quickly that Konan got a little dizzy. Evangeline struggled with glass nineteen.

"G-Glass twenty-four..." she said weakly, pouring the vodka into her glass as Konan did. Konan's expression remained as stony as ever, and a small trickle of blood was running down her chin from how hard she was biting her lip between glasses. They tipped back. The ceiling and the floor seemed to switch, but as Konan bit down on her lip, it righted itself. Evangeline was not doing so well. She looked quite ill as they poured out glass twenty-five. They tipped back, and Konan squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them, more blood in her mouth.

"Oh shit...oh god..." Evangeline's muttering brought Konan back to herself.

"I'm gonna puke..." Evangeline said, then rushed, off-balance, to the bathroom.

"Ew." Pain commented as the sounds of retching filled the air moments later. Konan gave a light, girlish giggle. Then tipped back the whole bottle. Wiping her mouth, she tossed it over her shoulder, then jumped as it smashed. The world was spinning, and everyone's face was an interesting shade of pink. "Pain? I wo-o-on..." she said, trying to stay upright. He laughed and leaned forwards.

She kissed him.

He tasted some _serious _vodka.

Then she collapsed backwards off her chair.

"So, I guess that went well."

"Yeah, more or less."

"When do you think she'll wake up? I mean, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't wake up until tomorrow. That was about three bottles of Vodka."

"Yeah. But at least Evangeline'll leave her alone now. She backs off once you beat her at a drinking contest."

"Konan was so jealous! It was actually really cute..."

"Don't go straight on me, asshole!"

"Just kidding."

Konan squeezed her eyes shut tighter. Like it or not, she was awake. Her stomach felt a little off, and she really needed to pee, but other than that, she was okay. Ish. She was leaning on somebody, and her feet felt like bricks. She explored her senses; she could not see anything, because her eyes would not open. She could hear the others talking and laughing over the sound that buses make. She could feel somebody's arm around her, holding her steady, and she knew she was sitting on a bus seat. So: she was on a bus. With the others. She was possibly drunk. Great.

She made a groaning/moaning sound as she turned herself, burying her face in the side of whoever she was leaning against. 98% chance of it being Pain, especially because the person laughed quietly and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of motorcycles, soap and rain. Pain rested his chin gently on her head.

"Are you awake?" he asked quietly, and she nodded slowly. "'Kay. We're almost there. Do you want to walk?" he asked, and she shook her head. "Mhmm. Thought not." he said, and she could imagine his smile. He piggybacked her in, and she hardly listened as Tsunade greeted them, as Hidan explained that she'd been overcome with grief, etc, etc. Next thing she realized, Pain had put her down on his bed.

"Present time!" Kisame said, clapping Deidara on the back. Konan opened her eyes and realized that everybody else had their presents out. She shuffled back to her room, yawning and walking into walls and doors that were blurry blobs in her way as she went to find the present she'd decided to give Pain. She found the little parcel under her bed, and shuffled back to Pain's room, sliding back onto his bed, missing him already. She crawled over to him, and he pulled her closer, his arms around her waist as she sat in a ball between his legs. The click of a camera told her that Sasori and Deidara were not oblivious to anything.

"Okay! Spin the bottle, un!" Deidara said, placing an empty 7up bottle on the bed. Konan smiled, because there was no chance of anybody but Pain having been the one to finish the pop. Pain reached forwards and span it. The lid of the bottle pointed to Itachi, who brought out a parcel wrapped in shiny black wrapping paper. Pain thanked him, and opened up four new shirts from his favourite store.

Next the bottle pointed at Sasori, who handed over a little parcel in red paper. Pain opened up an extended DVD of Sleepy Hollow, as well a cute black teddybear holding an axe and a head, which looked like Pain's.

The bottle then stopped at Kakuzu, who gave Pain a Play Pass for the year for Mesdames and Messieurs, and he said that he only got it because it came with a cash-back garantee.

Kisame gave him a special version of Clue, pre-ordered and already edited so that Miss Scarlet was Miss Amega, Colonel Mustard was Colonel Kisame, Mr Plum was Mr Iwa, etc, and the rooms were the Bathroom, the Dining room, Drawing class, Sculpture class, etc. The weapons had also been changed to a piercing gun, paper, a scythe, a large sword, 'the force', a sack of money, bombs, and a puppet. Pain thanked him, promising to play with everybody soon, and then span the bottle again.

Konan crossed her fingers, and luckily it pointed to Deidara, who pushed forwards a large-ish parcel wrapped in paper with dinosaurs on it. Pain opened it to find a clay elephant head.

"Press the button." Deidara said, grinning, and Pain obeyed. As soon as he did, the trunk of the elephant spurted with confetti and made a trumpeting sound.

"It's like the one from OHSHC!" Konan exclaimed, and Deidara winked at her. (OHSHC= Ouran HighSchool Host Club) The bottle then pointed to Hidan, who gave Pain several books; 'Pain: the good and the bad', 'Pain; before and after effects', 'Pain: mental and physical'.

"It's like the story of your life." Kisame joked, and Pain laughed. Konan blinked, realizing suddenly that she was the last one.

"Oh...er...Happy Birthday." she said awkwardly, blushing slightly (curse it all) as she pushed the parcel into his hands. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with string, the way she knew that he liked. He unwrapped it, to find a fuzzy brown teddy bear with several earrings sitting on top of an all-expense-paid trip to France, along with hotels, restaurants, and a full itenerary.

"It expires in three years, so whenever you want to go, you can." Konan explained, blushing and staring at her toes, which were painted white with red flowers. Pain hugged her and said he'd love to go if she came along, too. She blushed a little more, still staring at her toes, and muttered that she'd gotten another ticket, just in case he said something like that.

Afterwards, they all ate the cake that Konan had made, and she glared at them so they all said how good it was. It wasn't that good, but the icing was amazing. Finally they played Misery-Clue, and after a lot of confusion, it turned out that Itachi (played by Sasori) was the murderer, and that he'd killed 'the victim' (who they'd decided was Shizune) with a sack of money, in the bathroom.

Somehow, no matter how long Konan thought about it, or how imaginative she tried to be, she just couldn't see Itachi, cool, contained, kind Itachi pummeling Shizune over the head with a sack of gold. Especially not in a _bathroom. _It just wasn't his style.

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I'm only going to say this once: I wrote most of this story before finding out the REAL birthdays of the Akatsuki. I'm gonna keep most of them, but Konan's birthday is the same as Yahiko (Pain)'s, the 20th of feburary (NOT THE 13 of October, like in the story), and Sasori's birthday is November 8, instead of before Konan's. I'm gonna _try _and keep some of the others the same, but still. Any complaints will not be listened to.

****THE STORY: I'm gonna write another, seperate story, kind of a prologue to I Love, about each of the characters, like, one chapter will be about Deidara, another about Sasori, another about Kisame, another about Kakuzu, Hidan, Itachi, etc. Then there'll be the stories about how each of them came into the school, fell in love or whatever, etc. So yeah! I'm really excited about writing it ! No, seriously, I am. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D (I could do that all day)

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Okay so REVIEW PLEASE! 3 3 Next chapter should be up quicker, since there's Valentine's day to use as inspiration :3


	12. Comme des Enfants

Thanks to everybody who favourited/subscribed/reviewed my last chapter! Special thanks to BoOks and MaNgA for their really nice review and suggestions! I am now asking everybody who reads this to take a survey! So, message me with your answer puleeeeease! here it is: Do you think I should write a sequel? Do you think I should write a prequel? If I did, would you read one, or both of them?

Please answer and send me a message!

Oh, and to hanako love, I _know _that Pain is Nagato. I also _know _that he's really Yahiko's body, etc, etc. However, this is fanfiction, so I assumed it was okay to make him his own character. Besides, how do you expect me to explain that a highschool student is _really _a dead body being controlled by a crazy jutsu? They're not even _ninja _in my story. And just a heads-up to you if you keep reading my story; Both Nagato and Yahiko will appear as their own characters later on. Yeah, I know it's impossible, but oh well. Thanks for your review, anyways.

Okay, so I don't own Naruto. I wish I did. Not him, personally, but _AKATSUKI! _ahh...then I could die today and still be happy. :3

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** Comme des Enfants**

Konan rolled over and opened her eyes. It was the morning, on Monday, Febuary the 7th. Today, the school would be starting preparing for Valentines day. I.E, the yearbook team would be sending out hoardes of photographers to snap pics of the preparations, various infamous couples, etc. The choir would be practicing their love-themed songs to perform on the day, the dance team would be getting the gym ready for the Valentine's day dance, and almost every class would be preparing decorations and activities.

For example, today, Konan's origami class would spend the whole class (probably the next few classes, too) preparing and folding hundreds of paper flowers to hang with invisible string along the halls, or fold bouquets to arrange on tables, or create hanging cupids. Her drawing class would be in charge of setting up a Valentine's card exchange plan, and handing out surveys about 'cutest couple', 'best costume', and 'most romantic moment of the day'.

Deidara had mentioned that his sculpture class would be making angel statues and huge heart-shaped kissing booths. There were also requirements for the day, like there were _every _Spirit Day; you _had _to be wearing red, pink, or white. Any other colours would get you an F for participation, a trip to Tsunade's, and suspension from any activities. Accessorizing was a _must: _and naturally, it had to be artistic; no paper hearts taped to your shirt, for example.

Also, _everybody _had to give _somebody _an anonomous love letter, an anonomous valentine card, and they had to send three members of the choir over to a person of their choice, and get them to serenade the 'lucky' person with an appropriate song. Tsunade had glowered at the school during her speech about Valentines day, making this point very clear; "So I don't want any junk like 'shut up and sleep with me', 'big balls'-" (at which Hidan rolled his eyes) "-and as for the person who sent _me _'Stacy's mom'..." she sent the students who were laughing a disdainful look, "_don't _do it again. We clear?" she barked, and the students had all groaned out '_yeeeees'._

Konan sighed again and rolled out of bed. She went to the bathroom. Oh, drat. The wicked witch of the Wo. is here. _Fan_tastic. Konan sighed and pulled out a tampon from her 'make up' bag (she had two, one was _real, _and one was...er..._not _full of make up), and, er...you know... She finished up, washed her hands, fixed her hair as usual, lightly swept on eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara before getting dressed in her school uniform and grabbing her bag. She wasn't too worried about 'Aunt Flo' or whatever...normally she was lucky and didn't get cramps, or leak, or PMS or anything, so normally she didn't worry.

By third block, she knew that this wasn't a 'normally' day. She felt _horrible. _Her cramps were so bad that she had to clutch her stomach all class. It was nice that she got sympathetic looks from the girls. The guys were the worst.

"You sick or something?" Kisame asked her during break.

"No shit, Sherlock." she snapped, stalking off. Kisame looked like he'd been slapped. But Konan didn't care. Not today. Certainly not that week.

So, in short, she was PMSing off the chart.

It wasn't until she got back to her room and checked her calandar that she realized that it was _the _week again. Now, normally, most girls alternate randomly between light periods and heavy periods, that kind of thing. Usually they get theirs regularly. Konan, probably due to all of the genetic enhancements her father had had done to his daughter while she was still developing inside her mom, was a very _irregular _bleeder, and about once a year, in the month of Feburary, she would have the worst possible period to make up for skipping most of the others. During that week, she would lose about 8% of the total blood in her body in four days. She would have cramps that only four advil would remotely help. And in that one week, she would eat as much icecream and candy as she could get her hands on, and she would be so bitchy that not even the most understanding person could deal with her.

And, joy of joys, the week had come.

So, to say that Konan was not in the mood to decorate for Valentine's day was a humongous understatement.

Pain was walking down the hall to where he normally met Konan before going to lunch when Kisame punched his arm (the force nearly sending him flying into the wall before he got his balance back) and grabbed him, talking to him in a frantic voice.

"Pain, just to warn you, Konan's crazy today. Like, crazy crazy. Not the good kind." he said when Pain raised an eyebrow; Konan could be crazy in _many _ways. Kisame continued, shaking his head.

"Okay, don't get mad, but she's being the bitchiest person I've ever talked to. Like, and I mean _ever. Including _Ino. She's _waay _above Ino's level right now. So this morning, she looked kinda sick, so I asked if she was okay. She says 'no shit!' and walks off. Then in choir, Temari's all sympathetic and stuff (don't know why), but as soon as Sai comes along and says Konan's singing off-key, she practically hurled him off the stage! Well, she really swore at him and pushed him into a stack of chairs. Then she stormed out-" Pain raised his eyebrows, surprised; Konan _never _skipped class, at least not half-way through, without a good reason. "-and nobody saw her until Deidara, who was walking back to his class, saw her outside the bathroom and said 'hey, what are you doing out here?'. _She _said -and I quote- 'does it _look _like I want to tell you, asshole? Get your fucking face _out _of my space! _Go!_' Can you believe that? But anyways, Dei wasn't that pissed -he says _all _girls get like that sometimes, but the problem is that he also said it lasts about a week or so. You know what that means for _you, _right, Pain?" Kisame asked, looking half-amused, half-annoyed. Pain leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.

"It's gonna be one hell of a Valentine's day this year." he said, before sighing and telling Kisame he'd go find Konan, and loping off down the hall. Kisame watched him go.

"There goes a brave man." he muttered before shaking his head and walking the other way, in a subconscious effort to avoid Konan.

Konan exited the bathroom, giving a curt 'Zip it' to somebody who was trying to ask her a question, before glaring down the hall towards the crowd of people trying to push their way into the lunch room. She was _not _in the mood for this. She walked briskly down the hall. "MOVE!" she shouted, and the hall went silent. And then noisy again.

She made an irritated noise that sounded quite hysterical; a kind of 'Hhimmmmh!' that was a few octaves higher than reasonable, and shoved somebody out of the way. She dove into the crowd, scattering people left, right and center. After about ten seconds of bodies getting hurled out of the way, a path was formed for her by students who were getting the idea that _this _was _not _somebody who would wait even two seconds.

"About time!" she snapped before walking through and stalking off to get a lunch tray. The crowd was silent until somebody whistled. Everybody stared after her. Until Pain cut through the path, following her.

"Hey Pain! What'd you do to your girlfriend? Make out with Ino-bitch?" somebody called after him. He turned slightly, gave the culprit a glare that nearly wet the other boy's pants, then silently continued on his way. He caught up with Konan as she was demanding the person next to her to get out of her way. The frightened little third-year dashed off, and Pain walked up beside her.

"Hey," he said warily. She looked at him, her expression shifting from a scowl that did everything but audibly hiss to a guarded stare. Like, a deer-in-headlights-that-_knows_-what-headlights-are stare. Pain had seen that expression enough to know that right now Konan didn't exactly trust herself _not _to snap at him. So he kept his tone casual, watching her from the corner of his eye as he grabbed a sandwich from the rack.

"Hey Konan." he said lightly. He had absorbed enough of what Kisame had said to understand that asking (in any way) how she was was a _big _no-no right now. She grabbed an apple looking at her feet.

"Hello Pain." she said, and he felt a large stab to his side; _ouch. Cold tone, much! _He half-winced, half-smiled.

"So...are you excited for Valentine's day?" he asked. Wow. Not his most subtle sleuthing method. She slammed her tray down on the counter, grabbing a carton of milk.

"No." she said shortly before whirling away and stalking off. Pain shook his head, making a _sheesh! _expression before following her to the table. He smirked slightly as he saw everybody else shift subtly away as Konan sat down. He bravely (so thought everybody watching) sat down next to Konan, and began peeling his orange.

"Do you _have _to do that so loudly? I mean, seriously, a little consideration for others, Pain. So selfish, I mean honestly. It's Valentine's Day soon, so like, shape up, okay?" she snapped.

Hidan looked over to see Pain snap. Literally. (You know, an anime-snap. You see Tamaki (ouranhighschool host club) do it alot) Konan chugged her milk, bit her sandwich (once), then stood up and stomped back over to the lunch room buffet table. Everybody watched her knock on the kitchen door, speak with the chef, then wait outside, tapping her foot, her arms crossed over her stomach.

"Could you hurry up? It's an emergency." she said, and in the silence of the lunchroom, everybody heard the sigh of the person on the other side of the door. Three boxes were handed to Konan, who grabbed them, said a quick thank-you (that had a hidden _finally _in it), and strode back over to the table, dumping down the Original, Mint, and Double Nutty Moose Tracks icecreams. She grabbed a huge spoon from Deidara (who sputtered a weak 'I'm still using that...') and dug it into the Original before shoving it into her mouth. Pain watched silently as she devoured the whole tub of Original in about eight minutes. Then she moved on to the Double. Then the Mint. As she stood up and went to throw out the boxes, she ran into Ino.

Most of the school, by this time, was watching in a state of shocked silence for three reasons: Number one, usually Konan didn't eat much at lunch, she was more of a dinner person. Number two, she was _never _rude to anybody who wasn't rude first, and Number three, they had a feeling that doom would befall them (in the form of Konan) if they _did _make any noise. Ino crossed her arms, facing Konan, who gave her a disdainful glance.

"What?" Konan asked angrily, and Ino smirked, looking down at the empty icecream boxes.

"I just wanted to warn you. Icecream makes you fat, and guys don't like fat girls. Trust me, I don't think your emo boyfriend will want you sitting on his lap when you weigh the same as a baby whale. So take my advice, okay? Calorie counting is a must if you're a girl." she said, flipping her hair and placing her hand on her hip. Konan raised her eyebrows. Pain almost felt sorry for Ino.

"Well, Ino, how about you trust _me?" _Konan said too sweetly, and Pain could tell by the way her hand was tensing on the icecream boxes that she was seriously considering throwing them at her.

"Get out of my face. And _stay _out. Or else you'll find your hair on the floor next to a razor with my initials sharpied onto your face. I've done it before, and I'm already excited to do it again. Oh, and I'm sorry if you got jealous of my icecream. Feeling hungry after all your starvation? Anorexic pig." Konan snorted, tossing her hair in a direct parody of Ino before stalking past and tossing her icecream buckets. Ino stood rooted to the spot, seething, and she was still there when Konan came back. Konan walked past her, but paused and spoke quietly to Ino, giving her a nice glare.

"And my boyfriend isn't emo. It's called sexy. Look it up, because _clearly _you don't know what it is, even though you try so fu***** hard." she said, giving Ino a critical once-over before stalking back to her table, where she sat down, and all her friends stared at her silently.

Ino had turned red and stomped off to sit back down with Karin, where the two of them spazzed and bitched about Konan the whole rest of the lunchtime.

After dinner, Konan stomped back to her room, told nobody to disturb her or she'd take a pistol-handled butter knife and cut off their balls (yes, she has a pistol-handled butter knife), then slammed the door. The guys, in the meantime, were having a Secret Boy's Meeting. They had these quite often, but this was a Code Red Meeting, and they hadn't had one in years. They all sat in a vague circle in Pain's room, looking very solemn. Even Hidan was at a loss for words. Pain clicked the 'record' button on the tape recorder beside him.

"Secret Boy's Meeting number eighty-seven. Meeting commences Feburary 7th, at seven thirty-two P.M." he said, and looked to Sasori, who cleared his throat.

"The situation: Konan, who we all know and love, has suddenly begun a serious bitch case overnight. All members have previously agreed that she has not been provoked in the last twenty-four hours. Nor has any member been able to think of any reason for this sudden change in behaviour."

"And the big issue?" Pain prompted. Deidara spoke up, as his job in these meetings was mostly providing the blunt opinions and facts.

"If this behaviour continues, said individual, Konan, may leave Pain dateless for the dance. Not only that, but he will probably look like the biggest loser in the school if his girlfriend won't even talk to him on Valentine's day. Plus, we're all kind of scared to ask to use the shower, and none of us want to stink for a week, un." Deidara said.

"Agreed." all the other guys said in an unhappy unison.

"Permission to ask a question to all members present?" Itachi asked quietly.

"Permission granted, Warlock Uchiha." Pain said with a smirk at the dark-haired boy, who shot him a look.

"By your leave, Great Wizard Pain, why can't we just use the communal showers?" he asked, and everybody looked at each other.

"Good question, Warlock Uchiha," Kakuzu said with a grin. "But none of us have used the communal showers since Konan started letting us use hers. Be honest. Do _you _want to go back to using the other showers? _I _sure don't." Kisame said, shivering. Pain leant towards the recorder; "Let it be known that the Wise Sage Kisame just shivered in disgust. As did the Doom-Preacher Hidan." Said Doom-Preacher shot Pain a look.

"I suggest we get some information from a member on the inside. A _girl_. It could be contagious, you never know." Sasori said, with his usual dreamy look in place.

"An admirable idea, Venerable Master Sasori." Pain said with an important nod. Sasori snorted.

"Venerable? That makes me sound old."

"No way, Master Sasori. It's _sexy_, un." Deidara said, sticking his tongue out.

"Off topic, Princess of Destruction." Kisame pointed out. Deidara eyed him evilly.

"Princess? You suck, un." he sniffed, and Kisame laughed.

"I don't mean to interrupt you girls," Kakuzu said in a bored tone, "But has it occured to _anyone _else that she could be PMSing?" Nobody spoke. Then Hidan laughed.

"You fucking serious? Jashin, Kakuzu the Terrible, when the hell did you think of that? You didn't say a fucking word!" Kakuzu shrugged, then narrowed his eyes.

"Hidan. It's _Kakuzu_. No nicknames, please. I'm being serious." he directed his look at Pain. "Um...Great Wizard, or whatever the hell it was..._why _do we have to do this? I swear to God, it sounds like we're in a Sci-Fi discussion club for nerds."

"Yeah!" Deidara put in. "Like, just saying, but all we need to do is cosplay as elfs and wizards, and we'll be even worse than Konohamaru's gang, un." he said, rolling his eyes, and everybody smirked; Konohamaru and his friends were in third grade, and they were the randomest bunch of kids ever. They were always being cute and playing hide-and-seek around the school, or dressing up as rocks and walls to try and scare people. They'd befriended Naruto, who would play with them sometimes, but still...

Pain sighed and blew out the candle that had sat in the middle of the circle, and flipped the lightswitch.

"Well, okay, _fine, _it was just funny. So. Back to the point." he directed his gaze at Kakuzu. "You think she could just be PMSing? But she's gotten her...er..._thing _before, right? It hasn't been _nearly _this bad, _ever._" he said, trying to remember a time when Konan had been bitchy like this. Unsuccessful, he shook his head.

"Well, I think we should at least shower. Let's just try to do it at times that she's asleep, out of the room, or in class. I'm sure none of the teachers will bitch at us if we tell them we're skipping for the sake of hygene." he said, and everybody agreed.

"Motion passed." he said, and turned off the recorder.

"Okay, just to leave the meeting on a light note, un.." Deidara said, and everybody looked at him. He grinned, and put his hand down in the middle of the bed.

"Sercret handshake!" he crowed, and everybody sighed/groaned/laughed, but placed their hands on top of his. After a series of high-fives, fist-bumps, spins, jazz hands, hip bumps and chest bumps (with manly grunts), they exited the meeting, leaving each of them to their own thoughts of how to have a shower.

In the meantime, Konan was sitting on her bed, listening to her ipod eating a raspberry popsical. Her father, for once, had apparently finally done something right; he'd sent a letter to Tsunade at the beginning of the year, warning her of such things. The letter had been accompanied by a doctor's note, explaining the details of her 'condition', etc. So she was excused from all classes and provided with as much icecream, popsicles, milk and whatever else she might want, so long as she alerted Tsunade the moment it was over, and that she made the decorations she was supposed to in her room.

So there she was, folding hundreds of pink, red, yellow, purple and white papers into various types of flower. She slammed down the hundred-and-thirty-first one, and sighed; she was bored. And that hardly _ever _happened when she was folding paper. (A surprise, to other people) She stood up, checked she hadn't leaked or anything, grabbed her Winnie-the-Pooh blanket, wrapped it around her shoulders, shucked on her fuzzy black-bear slippers and shuffled down the empty hall towards the area with twelve computors available for student use. She sighed again as she saw a group of guys surrounding all of them. She asked one to move. He looked at her, said he'd only got on ten minutes before, and went back to shooting aliens. She sighed again.

"Get _off _that _fucking _computor! I have fucking _Tsunade's _permission to use this, okay? If you get in my way, you'll be sorry, you little asshat!" she roared, grabbing the guy's arm and tossing him out of the seat. Mission complete, she sighed again, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself and proceeded to open up her favourite anime-viewing site.

After successfully watching episode 103-109 of Inuyasha, she clicked 110, steeling herself for heartbreak. As soon as Bankotsu came on screen, she burst into tears. _Her _kind of tears. The 'WAAAAAAaah...WAAAAAAaaaah...' kind. She didn't know everybody else was watching her until she heard somebody ask in a hushed voice 'what the heck is she doing?'.

She turned around, tears sliding down her face, and gave all the spectators a death glare that successfully sent them on their way. Fast. She returned to the computor, sliding the headphones on and hearing Matt Hill, the best voice acter ever, begin one of her favourite lines; "The time has come to settle old scores. Our vengeance will know no bounds, so prepare to die. Or something to that effect."

She burst into tears again, whipping out a bag of Lindor chocolates and stuffing one into her mouth, crying. She rested her head on the keyboard, listening. At episode 123, she held both sides of the computor screen, pressing her nose to it. Every time Bankotsu would punch out Inuyasha, she'd tearfully cheer him on, and then swear at Inuyasha whenever he did any minimal kind of damage. But as soon as Bankotsu began to use his 'new technique', she burst into more violent tears, begging him to stop. And of course, when it backfired and he was reduced to just his torso, she was crying her heart out. Then Inuyasha came.

"You were too greedy, Bankotsu. You were powerful enough on your own, even without the Jewel."

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU WITH SOMETHING HARD AND SANDPAPERY! WAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh..." Konan screamed through her tears.

She pressed pause, cried herself out, then replay. When that was over, she began to watch Elfen Lied, crying herself out during the murder of Lucy's dog. Finally she gave up, returned to her room, and cried herself to sleep.

She woke up to the sound of water running. Scowling, she sat up, running a hand through her messy hair. She got out of bed, murder on her to-do list. She wrenched open the bathroom door (which _still _didn't have a lock) to find Deidara and Sasori both in the shower, making out and completely naked. Luckily she had erected the shower curtain a few weeks previously, so it wasn't like she was being _mooned..._but close enough.

"Get-out!" she gritted, her hands in fists, tears streaming down her blush-red cheeks. Deidara was the first to open his eyes and look. When he did, his eyes widened, and he quickly banged Sasori's shoulder, making him look as well. They both stared at her for a few seconds.

"What?" Sasori asked finally. He _seemed _to be taking the role of the brave one, since Deidara was kind of completely avoiding Konan's flame-throwing glares, as if he was pretending not to be there.

"Get out of my _bathroom!_" Konan shrieked, grabbing the closest objects -a hairspray bottle and a box of tampons- and flung them at her two naked friends, who quickly began making tracks for the door. By the time they'd quickly grabbed towels and had high-tailed it for the hills, she had hit them successfully with four rolls of T-P, a tube of toothpaste, a toilet plunger, and a bar of soap.

When they'd finally gone, Konan grabbed three advils, four tums, two anti-stress pills, pepto bismol (EXTRA PINK!) and washed them all down with three glasses of water. Then she grabbed the portable DVD player her dad had lent her the year before, popped in Titanic, (grabbing her DVD organizer labelled 'Tearfest', which contained Sense and Sensibility, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, and Grave of the Fireflies), wrapped herself up in blankets with her thermos of hot chocolate, a huge toblerone, and a box of dibs, snuggling up and getting ready to cry. And PMS at anybody who dared enter her room.

After seven hours of crying, she had had it. Konan went to the bathroom, fixed herself up, splashed cold water on her face, and told her reflection to toughen up: girls deal with this kind of thing all the time. _Besides, _she thought to herself miserably, _if I _don't _cheer up, I might lose my friends and boyfriend. That would just make my world implode. _So she slid an Avril Lavigne cd into her boombox, turned the volume up vaguely high, and skipped all the tracks up until _The best damn thing. _She cheered herself up by jumping up and down, dancing and singing into her hairbrush.

"_I hate it when a guy doesn't understand why a certain time of month I don't wanna hold his hand..." _

Ahh, story of her life. Or at least of her week. Soon it switched to _Alone. _

"_Hey man, tell me what were you thinking? What the hell were you saying? Oh, come on now, and think about it..." _Ahh Avril. It's nice to let out some angst with you.

So many days passed like this, with Konan leaving her room only to get food, paper, or else glare menacingly at people, that she lost count. One morning was worse than the others, and Konan could tell that it was _almost _over. But she seriously wished she didn't have to go through the _almost: _she was PMSing majorly at _herself, _her stomach hurt so much that she had overdosed on asprin _and _tylenol and it hadn't done any good, and she could hardly move for the pain. So she stayed in her bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling, and listing reasons she hated the world. Yeah, optimistic. _Not. _

So, as you can imagine, I'm sure, it was a surprise for her when she found Pain sitting at the end of her bed, his legs crossed, his chin resting on his fist, his elbows on his knees, and his eyes on her. His expression was somewhat wary, but mostly curious. She looked up at him, trying quite hard not to glare at him. She managed an irritated 'smile'.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, fighting, for the sake of how much she loved him, to keep the snarl out of her voice. He looked up at her, surprised.

"Well, it's Valentine's day." he said casually. Konan sighed.

"_Oh. _Listen, I'm sorry, but I seriously don't-" He interrupted her, a half-crooked smile on his face as he stretched and yawned.

"You didn't let me finish. It's Valentine's day, and even if you try to rip me limb from limb, or you yell at me until you go hoarse, I'd rather spend it with you than anyone else." he said, and Konan was struck speechless by how _cute _he was being.

"A...Are you high?" she asked in a weak voice, and he laughed before asking what she meant. With some effort (and quite a bit of pain), she propped herself up on her elbows.

"I'm being such a major bitch right now I can't believe you'd even want to _talk _to me." she said frankly, and he shook his head with a small smile.

"You're so silly. Bitch or not, you're my girlfriend. More importantly than that, I love you. I don't care if you're being a total bitch, you're still the only girl I want to spend my Valentine's day with. So go ahead. Give me your best shot, but I'm not moving." As if to prove his point, he grabbed a pillow from right underneath Konan's head, sparking her angst, leaned back, and stretched out on her bed, relaxing against the pillow.

"You know that's _mine_." she snapped, aiming a swipe at the recently-jacked pillow.

"Yeah, I know it's yours. I took it." Pain said, his eyes closed, his tone as casual as if he were talking to a rabbit.

"Yeah, well, I want it _back, _asshole. Gimme." she snarled, her inner mind pleading with herself to stop being so mean, but her bad mood was taking control. Pain cracked open an eye.

"Gimme gimme never gets, don't you know your manners yet, Konan?" Pain asked teasingly, only infuriating her further. Stuffing four vitamins and chugging a few swallows of Pepto Bismol, Konan hoisted herself out from under the layers upon layers of blanket, and faced Pain, glaring at him, her hands on her hips. He looked back at her calmly.

"_Give-it-to-me_." she gritted angrily, making a wild swipe for the pillow. Pain rolled over, holding it to him.

"Nope." he said cheerfully. She tried again, and again, and again.

"I _want _it, so gimme-" she was pouting, but getting less and less angry and more and more amused as Pain continued avoiding her attempts to relieve him of his stolen property. Finally, she made one last grab for the pillow, only to be grabbed herself: Pain's arms were suddenly around her, his mouth on hers, his hand fisting her hair, angling the kiss deeper. She let him kiss her, then backed off, gasping for air and staring at him, at a loss for words. He smiled at her vaguely, and placed a fist on her forehead gently.

"You're so silly." he murmured, "I guess you must _really _like me, if you can forget you're mad just by doing _that..._" he said, smirking, before she swatted him, coming back to her senses.

"You _kissed_ me!" she gasped, as if it were a completely alien concept.

"Yeah I did. And you _liked _it." he said, grinning like a cat.

"Did _not_!" she said, giggling. He smirked.

"Did _too_!" he teased, poking her cheek. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Did _no-_!" she was interrupted by Pain's mouth crashing into hers again.

This time, she kissed back, flinging her arms around him, and almost forgetting how pissed off she was. When they broke away, Konan felt a rather alien coolness in her hair. She raised a hand, looking at Pain curiously, to feel large, damp petals tucked up on her head. She pulled one out, and found that she was looking at a large, perfect, tiger lily blossom. She looked at Pain again, who seemed to be watching her with a mixed expression of curiosity and amusement.

"It's so pretty! Is it for me?" she asked shyly, and he rolled his eyes; "Seriously? You really think I'd go to all the trouble of putting it in your hair only to tell you that it's _not _for you, it's for _Itachi, _because I _obviously _am in love with _him, _not _you._" He said sarcastically, and Konan laughed.

"You'd better not let Kisame hear you say that, or _I'll _be the one giving out flowers...and placing them on your grave..." she said with a wicked grin. Pain punched her arm lightly.

"You serious? I can definately take Kisame. What, you don't think I _can?"_ he challenged. Konan raised her eyebrows as an answer. Pain laughed.

"Oh...oh, I see...you, Konan, are playing a very dangerous game...keeping all this raw _manpower _bottled up, chained in mere boyfriend form." he said, striking a tragic pose.

"Oh, buttercup..." Konan said sourly, making Pain laugh.

Lunchtime found them in the 'Lovebirds Cafe', a cafe put on by the culinary arts students. Konan had at last been forced out of her room, after being fully convinced that Aunt Flo had been shown the door. She was armed with piles and piles of pills, and she was wearing her 'Valentine's day costume' of a pink tutu skirt, a pink shirt with a red heart on it, white tights and bright red pumps. She had red lipstick on, a bow with heart-shaped arrows in hand, little wings on her back, and heart clips adorning her hair.

Pain had graciously dressed up for the occasion in red converse, a loose pink T-shirt with tears in it and fishnet underneath, and red jeans. To accessorize (since, if you _didn't, _you couldn't go to the dance), he had strapped a harp to his back. They had just finished spitting a peppermint hot chocolate when Sakura rushed up to Konan and dragged her off to begin her serenading job. Not for the first time that year, Konan regretted ever taking choir. Luckily, it ended up being really fun: Students had all dropped off a folded piece of paper with the name of another student, and a song title.

Little groups of choir students would randomly pick a paper, go to that student, and sing a segment of that song, then say who it was from, or if it was anonomous. Sakura, Sai, and herself went off to serenade Sasuke first. They were all wearing those little mic-headsets, and they went over to his table, where he sat with Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin (who was probably only there to heavily hint at what _she'd _like to be doing on Valentine's day).

Konan checked the title of the song. Konan started first, after a nudge from Sakura, and the others followed suite: "_If you like Pina coladas...and getting caught in the rain...if you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain...If you like making love at midnight...in the dunes of the cape...I'm the love that you've looked for...write to me and escape..." _they sang, and Sasuke raised his eyebrows.

"Who's it from?" he asked drily, sipping his latte. Konan didn't miss how his eyes casually flicked over to Suigetsu.

"It's anonomous, but there's a message..." Sai said, checking the note again. He handed the paper to Konan, who cleared her throat and gave her best 'mysterious secret admirer' impression: "_To Sasuke, do you like Pina Coladas? 'Cause I do. Happy Valentine's, etc, etc." _she read, and Sasuke smirked.

"Yeah, well, thanks..." he said, and they walked away. Two serenades later, (one to Ino, _3 spoons of suga, _and one to Hinata, _Check yes Juliet_), they returned to Sasuke's table.

"It's for Suigetsu." Konan said before Sasuke assumed he got _another _one ( she could truthfully say that he'd get at least fifteen by the end of lunch). Suigetsu grinned up at her, his cute, extra-sharp tooth catching her eye.

"Okay." Konan said, and this time Sakura started; "_Yes, I like Pina Coladas...and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food...I am into champagne. I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon.." _(PS, lyrics are altered) _"...and cut through all this red tape. In a bed on the dark side...where we'll plan our escape..."_

"The message is..." Sai consulted the paper, "See you later, shark boy. Ps, don't read this out loud. Oh..." Sai said, looking awkward.

"Thanks, baby." Suigetsu said, winking at the group in general.

After a few more serenades, they got an interesting one: it was for Sasori. They went over to where he stood, leaning against the wall, waiting for a table. Deidara was a few places away, asking the waitress something.

"Hey Konan-babe. What's up?" Sasori asked, flashing the groupd his famous bedroom-eyes grin. Konan didn't miss the fact that Sakura blushed- _hello...? He's gay? And I thought you liked Sasuke? Ugh..._

"'Kay, this says it's from Deidara." Konan said, and Sasori laughed. Deidara caught his eye, winked at him, then continued talking with the waitress.

"Okay, let's go." Sasori said, and the group began; "_If you're alone and you need a friend...someone to make you forget your problems...Just come along baby, take my hand...I'll be your lover tonight...Woah woah, this is what I wanna do...woah woah...let's have some fun...Woah woah, what I want just me and you, woah woah...Boom boom boom boom! I want you in my room! Let's spend the night together, from now until forever, Boom boom boom boom..." _

"Bravo," Sasori said at the end of the chorus, applauding; "Bravo! I really should tip you guys, but I don't have anything on me right now..." he said, raising his voice slightly at the end. Deidara heard and shot him a look.

Konan feared some kind of innuendo happening on the sidelines, so she and her troupe of singers disappeared quickly. But, as she expected, she soon had to return to serenade Deidara, who had by that time managed to get him and Sasori seats. They walked up, and by that time the singing groups had been shuffled, so she was singing with Kiba and Naruto.

"Ready Deidara?" she asked with a grin. He grinned back and said he was ready and waiting.

"_It's funny how a man keeps thinking 'bout the BEEP, got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your BEEP, got real big brains, but I'm looking at your BEEP, Boy there ain't no pain in me lookin' at your BEEP!" _Kiba and Naruto did Will.'s part, then Konan took a part from later in the song, as was requested by the 'sender' -Sasori-Duh. "_I don't give a *hah*, keep looking at my *hah*, 'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my *hah* Imma do my thing while you're playing with your BEEP! Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

"And the message says..._Guess what BEEP is...:3_" Konan read out, and Deidara snorted, kicking Sasori under the table.

Twenty minutes later, Konan _finally _got a break and went back to Pain.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked innocently, and she began recounting all her serenading adventures. Soon enough, another choir group came up. Konan looked at them, frowning.

"Am I supposed to go and do it again?" she asked, and they shook their heads.

"Nope, we've got a valentine song for you." Temari said with a wink. Konan blinked, then looked at Pain, who feigned innocence. Temari and the two boys who Konan didn't know, counted in four, then began: "_I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life! When you're with me, baby, the skies will be blue, for all my life!" _"Message says..."_Happy Valentine's day. I couldn't think of anything romantic or whatever, so let's just pretend you're impressed, okay?" _Konan laughed and thanked them, thinking they were going away.

"Oh, not yet..." Temari said, grinning at Pain. Konan froze; it coudn't _possibly _be the one from her...right? She'd...she'd thrown that paper away...gahhh... She switched her attention back just in time to hear them start the song she'd requested on the paper she'd _thought _she'd tossed in the recycling. Apparently she hadn't. Pain grinned at her ten seconds, in, recognizing it-

"Wait! Wait.." Konan said, leaping up from the table and whispering something to Temari, who nodded, grinned, then signaled for the others to follow her. They walked away. Konan turned back to find Pain feigning depression.

"Alas! Deprived of a serenade...on _Valentine's Day, _no less..." he sighed dramatically, and Konan rolled her eyes.

"Oh, _you_." she said, and he laughed.

"I'm gonna tell you what the song was later, okay?" she asked, and he nodded, as laid back as he always was. All the anonomous Valentines had been given out, and needless to say, Konan and Pain both recieved one from the other. They were just about to open them when they heard a loud chorus of voices echoing from across the 'cafe'. Konan stood on her chair, and saw Hidan and Kakuzu standing on tables, empty bottles in their hands, beginning a loud chorus.

"I've got big balls! I've got big balls! They're such big balls, and they're _dirty _big balls...And he's got big balls-" They pointed at Pain, "And _she's _got big balls-" they pointed at Konan, who snorted; that was a flat lie.

"But _we've _got the _biggest _balls of them all!" They cheered while everybody applauded and laughed. Suddenly, Jiraiya appeared. Hidan and Kakuzu both simultaneously tossed the paper-covered bottles into the recycling, hopped off the table, and began a conversation about mushrooms.

"And this happens every year?" Konan asked Pain, who nodded.

"They sing it every single year, and they've _never _gotten caught for smuggling alchohal. They've got a talent." he said, and Konan snorted.

After dinner, the whole school lined up in front of the biggest gym in pairs, waiting to be let into the dance. Once inside, it was pretty clear that this would not be like the Halloween or Christmas dances; the walls were lined with pink and white and red balloons, murals of couples kissing and hugging, and Konan's paper flowers were hung from the ceiling.

It wasn't that the decorations were weird, because every dance was decorated, it was more the music: it was only love songs and the like. Konan joined her friends and the other students in a huge round of 'Hey hey baby, ooh, ahh', before 'Hero' came on, forcing everybody into a slowdance. Konan and Pain slowdanced throughout about twenty-four songs within the space of forty-seven minutes before dance music actually came on. As Church started playing , the dance quickly picked up. Pain and Konan were just dancing to Hey Hey Baby for the second time as Sasori caught Konan around the waist and whisked her away.

"Dance with me, okay?" he said in her ear and she said sure, uncertainly. Just then, Mariah Carey's 'touch my body' started playing, and Sasori grabbed her up into a slowdance position.

"What are you doing?" Konan asked quietly, but he just looked over her shoulder and grinned.

"I'm getting the 'Most Romantic Moment' award. Just wait and see." he said with a smirk at her. Konan blinked. Then she realized that she was wearing heels. And dancing with _Sasori, _who was only about an inch taller than her when she was wearing socks.

"Grow a bit, would you?" she asked, grinning at him. He laughed.

"No. _You _shrink a bit, would you?" he countered and she laughed as well.

"What are we waiting for though? The 'Most Romantic Moment' of the day is _not _likely to be between you and me, no offence." she said, and he smirked.

"Yeah, I know. I'm waiting for Deidara...oh here he is. Now watch. But keep dancing, silly!" he exclaimed when she turned to watch. She sighed, and waited, having a horrible suspicion that Deidara was _not _gonna be happy with her. She glanced over her shoulder, biting her lip, and saw Pain watching them, his arms crossed, an amused expression on his face.

"Sorry!" she mouthed at him. He grinned, and held up his camera. Just as she scowled at him, Sasori was wrenched out of her arms. She turned, surprised, to see Deidara there, fisting Sasori's shirt, and an expression of complete anger on his face.

"You _asshole! _It's Valentine's Day! You're supposed to fucking dance with _me_, un!" Deidara snarled at Sasori, who didn't say anything. Deidara glared at him for a second longer, than released him and walked away. The crowd had now parted to make a circle around Konan (who was standing there, dumbstruck and watching), Pain (who was snapping away with the camera), Sasori (who was following Deidara), and Deidara, who was trying his best to get away. Before he could run into the crowd of teens, however, Sasori had grabbed him around the shoulders and whirled the blonde to face him.

"Get _of-_" Deidara's protest was interrupted as Sasori kissed him fiercely. Deidara tried to push him off, but Sasori held tightly and didn't budge. Finally, he broke away, looking up at Deidara, desire burning in his now-burgundy eyes. Deidara stared at him, and Konan could tell by his expression that he _really _wanted more, but also _really _wanted to get away from him.

"What are you doing?" Deidara asked finally, and Sasori smirked.

"I'm giving you what you deserve, Dei-da-ra..." he said, quoting the song that was playing, and saying his name slowly, in such a sexually attractive way that Konan had to pinch herself to stop herself from succumbing to the BL fangirl urge. She shuffled over to Pain, who handed her the camera and kissed her cheek. She positioned herself, getting ready for the major romantic moment that Sasori had promised was coming. And apparently it was: as soon as Sasori had said Deidara's name like that, he had frozen and blushed.

"I told you not to say it like that...Sasori my man..." Deidara mumbled, blushing still and looking at his feet. Konan almost dropped the camera: she had _never _heard Deidara sound shy like that. Sasori smirked and tugged on Deidara's long, dark-blonde hair.

"Dei-da-ra...Dei-da-ra...I love you..." he said, still saying his name slowly, elongating each syllable. Deidara blushed more, and before anybody watching knew what was going on, he had grabbed Sasori's shirt again, but instead of shaking him angrily, he pulled him closer.

"I love you, un..." he mumbled, and Sasori, within one second, had whirled Deidara around and bent him back into a romatic kiss, like the V-J day one. Konan caught it all on film, naturally. When at last they broke apart, a sixth-year girl Konan recognized as being the head of the Yearbook awards organization strode over, and gave them both stick-on ribbons andlittle gold medals, and a kiss on the cheek each. Sasori smirked as Deidara looked at the medal.

"Most Romantic Moment." he read out loud. Then he blinked. Then he scowled at Sasori.

"You know, we could've gotten these _without _you making me mad." he said, frowning. Sasori looked at him.

"Aww, but you're so cute when you're angry, _Dei...da...ra..."_ he said slowly, turning the full force of his bedroom-eyed gaze onto his boyfriend, who blushed again.

"You...you...God I wanna-" The rest of Deidara's sentance was broken off by Konan, who was perhaps intervening for the sake of all the pure-minded readers.

"Congratulations!" she said enthousiastically while Pain high-fived them. Sasori smirked and said that it was inevitable. Deidara was still blushing, and eventually interrupted the conversation by grabbing Sasori's tie and pulling him after him towards the bathrooms. Konan cleared her throat and looked up at Pain, whose arms were around her in a backwards hug.

"Wanna dance?" she asked him, and he nodded.

Sasori and Deidara showed up later, mentioning that Kakuzu and Hidan were both drunk in one of the stalls, and asking where Itachi and Kisame were. The odd thing was, Konan hadn't seen them all day.

"They do this every year," Pain explained when she asked, "every Valentine's Day, they both skip, and they go to somewhere like a hot springs resort, and just...celebrate, I guess." he said, and Konan laughed, imagining Kisame and Itachi in a hot spring, surrounded by old married couples, or vacationing families. Funny image.

Finally it was over, and Konan trudged back into her room, wrapped herself in blankets, and collapsed down onto the bed, looking at the tigerlily that Pain had given her which she'd placed in a vase. At the 'cafe', she'd given him a huge block of chocolate in the shape of a cloud, which he'd gallantly shared with her. She sighed happily and went to sleep, confident that the next day would be completely PMS-free.

She opened her eyes about ten minutes later to feel a pair of arms wrapped around her. She turned her head slightly and saw that it was Pain. "Goodnight..." she murmured, and he repeated her.

And so they wouud sleep through the rest of the night, completely oblivious to the cameras clicking, the boys laughing, and the pillow ambush waiting for them the moment they woke up.

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Okay, once again, shorter than my last chapters. I'm also convinced that this one definately wasn't as good as the others. So I Apologize...sorry! I think I was just so...tired when I wrote this. No joke.

Anyways, thanks for reading, please review, and the next chapter might be up either next week or the week after...because it's Christmas break next week for me! YAAAY!


	13. Love, Actually

** Love, Actually  
**

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_**CHAPTER DEDICATED TO: Deva Pein**_

Okay. Just to make things perfectly clear before I start this chapter, I KNOW THAT THIS WHOLE THING WITH PAIN'S FAMILY IS **IMPOSSIBLE**. I KNOW HE'S **YAHIKO'S BODY**, I KNOW ALL THE SIX PATHS OF PAIN ARE **DEAD BODIES**, AND ARE** NOT RELATED AT ALL**, and I KNOW THAT NAGATO **IS ACTUALLY PAIN**. But since this is FanFiction, I hope that nobody's really going to mind. So please **don't tell me that it's impossible -I already know!  
**Oh, and if that big blurb was a spoiler...sorry, but I'd assume everybody's read all that already before reading this...but sorry if that's not true...D:  
Okay, so now the happy part! Thanks so much to all my reviewers, favouriters, subscribers again, etc. You guys seriously are the reason I try and update this as fast as I possibly can.

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Konan rolled out of bed. Somehow, she was awake, and she wasn't going back to sleep. She grabed some clothes from her dresser, and was half-dressed when her door burst open and Pain hugged her from behind. Luckily, 'half-dressed' included wide fishnet tights, high-rise dark jean shorts and her pyjama top.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" she asked, amused. Pain's voice was muffled when he replied; it was buried in her neck.

"Yeah, I've heard of it. It isn't as much fun." he said, and Konan felt him smile against her skin. He walked them forwards until they fell onto the bed. There they lay, Konan on bottom, Pain hugging her from behind, until she broke the comfortable silence.

"You're squishing me." she said, her voice sounding fuzzy, her mouth mashed into the blankets.

"I know." Pain said, and after a moment or two, he rolled over again, not letting her out of his hug. With a lot of squirming, Konan managed to rotate herself around so she was facing him.

"Guess where we're going today?" Pain asked her, and she could tell that he was brimming with barely-contained excitement.

"Um..." she said, pretending not to know. He laughed.

"My house, silly! It's the first day of spring break!" he exclaimed, and Konan laughed, unable to remain the wet blanket she normally was when he was so excited.

"Yeah, I know, I know! But we _can't _go until you let me get dressed." she said, and he sighed and let her go. She stood up and grabbed the rest of her clothes before looking at Pain, who hadn't moved and was still looking at her with a big grin on his face.

"You know, there's this cool thing called privacy," she said pointedly, but smiling anyways as she gestured to the door. Pain just shook his head.

"I won't look if you don't want me to." he said, and Konan felt a jolt to her stomach; a sure sign that she was blushing.

"W-Well...I-It's not like you...you...God you make me so-" Feeling her cheeks heat and knowing she was stuttering like crazy, Konan gave up, whirled around, and escaped into the bathroom, shutting the door on Pain's laughter. After finishing getting dressed in a loose pale pink blouse tucked vaguely into her high-rise shorts, tugging on her dark brown riding boots, and putting a grey cardigan over it all, she faced the mirror.

Oh great.

She was blushing like penguin with a sunburn. Nice. She sighed and splashed water on her face. No effect. Sighing and giving up, she grabbed her toothbrush. Squeezing out some toothpaste, she flicked on the 'brush your teeth timer' that Deidara had lent her. The Sailor Moon theme song came on, and she brushed her teeth throughout the whole thing before rinsing. Then she grabbed her hairbrush.

After fixing her hair the way it usually was (a messy half-bun on one side, the rest loose), and folding a paper flower to accessorise with out of one piece of the stack of origami paper she kept on the bathroom shelf, she swept on a thin layer of mascara before applying a light coat of blue eyeshadow. Once she had deemed herself 'ready', she stepped out of the bathroom.

And was hit in the face with a pillow.

"What was _that _for?" she asked Pain, flinging it back at him. "I don't like waiting." he said, catching her feebly thrown pillow. She rolled her eyes and sat down in front of him.

"You're so silly. _Sasori _hates waiting. _You _would wait hours for me, and you know it." she said teasingly. He sighed.

"Yeah, you're right. I would." he said, grabbing the belt loops on her shorts and pulling her towards him until she was sitting on his lap, her legs on either side of him. She sighed and allowed herself to be hugged, her head buried in his shoulder, his arms comfortingly around her.

"Where are the others going?" she asked finally, and Pain sighed.

"Um...Sasori and Deidara left already for their house, Hidan and Kakuzu said something about going to a hotel, and Kisame and Itachi are at the hotspring resort they normally go to." Pain recited.

"Oh." Konan said, embarassed. "Soo...you're waiting for me, right?" she asked, and laughed when Pain nodded.

"Oh. Well, aren't you lucky, because I'm ready to go now. I'm packed and everything." she said, and Pain gasped theatrically.

"Serious? Well, that means that we can go right away!" he said, leaping up, taking her hand, and racing out of the dorm.

Konan barely had time to seize her bag before she was dragged out. They ran all the way out of the school, around the back, and up the path a bit before finding his motorbike and two helmets. Konan tossed him her bag as she shoved one of the helmets (a white one) onto her head. Pain squished her bag (which, to her credit, was pretty small) into one of the side pockets on the back of the bike, shoved his helmet on, and slung on a black leather jacket.

"Ooh..." Konan said, and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Climb on!" he said, and she obeyed, albeit with a few wobbles. Once on, she realized that it was pretty squishy on the bike. She put her hands on his shoulders.

"Like this?" she asked.

"You're gonna want to hold on a little tighter than that if you don't want to fall off." Pain said drily. She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Better." he said approvingly, and his smug tone made Konan wonder vaguely if he was being serious about her falling off, before he started the engine, and pressed the accelorator. As the bike shot forwards down the path, Konan was positive that he _had _been completely serious; the momentum of the bike would've made her tumble straight off the bike with her previous grip.

Now she was holding onto him for dear life, her thighs squeezing around him, her arms almost like boa constrictors around his waist. The bike vibrated underneath them as they sped around the gates of the school and down the familliar road. Konan had closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were suddenly on a highway. Way to go, inner compas, she had no idea whatsoever where they were.

They stopped for lunch a while after that at a mexican restaurant. After ordering margaritas, Konan suggested they play something.

"Something like what?" Pain asked, and she pulled out a book from her bag.

"It's full of quizzes," she explained, and he grinned.

"Sure! Which one do you want to take?" he asked, and she flipped through the index.

"Well, there's the 'what kind of girlfriend/boyfriend are you?' quiz, the 'which Disney character are you?' quiz, the 'Which Tim Burton character are you?' quiz, and loads others," she said, fishing a pen out of her pocket.

"Well, we've got a two hour drive, and four hours to get there, so let's do them all." Pain proposed, and Konan laughed, sipping her milkshake.

"Okay," she began, flipping to page 102, the 'What kind of girlfriend/boyfriend are you?' quiz. "Let's do this one twice, so we do you, then we do me, okay?" she asked, and Pain nodded, tipping back his 7up.

"So. Question one: It's a Friday night. You ahd plans with your friends, but they fell through. You...a) Demand that your bf/gf cancel their plans and spend time with you, no is not an option, b) Whine and cry at your bf/gf until they give in and spend time with you, c) Rent a video and use the time to relax, regardless of what your gf/bf is doing, or d) You head out to the bar, get wasted, and throw yourself at anything that walks." Konan read, and Pain grinned.

"Hmm. Okay, out of those choices, definately C." he said, and Konan nodded, circling the letter and moving to the next question.

"Your bf/gf was supposed to bring you a turkey and mayo sandwich, but accidentally brought you turkey and mustard. You...a) Tease him or her, then eat it anyways, b) Start to cry or complain until they goes back to get the right one, c) Tell them your ex never messed up on their orders, or d) Refuse to eat the sandwich, or speak to your gf/bf until they go get you the right one." she read. Pain grinned. "A. That was easy." he said, and she laughed.

"Okay. Question three: It's the weekend after a long, difficult week. You want to go out to your favourite bar, but your gf/bf wants to see a movie. You...a) Refuse to leave the house until it involves going to the bar, b) Tell them that you are going to the bar, and if they don't want you to find someone else, they should wise up and let you go, c) Suggest that you see and early movie, then head to the bar afterwards, or d) Cry until your partner gives in and decides to go with you instead."

"C" Pain said, and Konan moved on to the next queston. After five more questions, Konan read out Pain's result.

"Okay. You are...Independant yet devoted. You are confident enough that you do not always need that someone by your side, or need to know what they are doing. You trust that they are loyal and love you, and you don't need constant reassurance. You can spend a night out with your friends and have fun, with or without your partner. Despite these characteristics, you always assure that your partner knows you're devoted to them, even through the most subtle gestures." she read out, then looked up at Pain, who was giving her a teasing grin.

"Who's Mr Wonderful..." he prompted. She sighed, rolling her eyes, but laughing.

"Okay, fine. You're Mr Wonderful, oh, you're so incredible, hey Mr Wonderful, wonderful to me..." she finished their long-running joke, and he laughed.

"Okay. Now I'll ask you." he said, and they began again.

"Seriously? I got the same as you?" Konan asked, and Pain nodded over his drink.

"Okay, wanna do the 'Which Tim Burton character are you?' quiz next?" Konan suggested, and they began again. At the end, Pain was Ichabod Crane, and Konan was Lydia Deitz. About an hour and twelve more tests later, they left the restaurant and got back on the bike. Konan climbed on after Pain, wrapped her arms around him again, and closed her eyes as the roar of the engine began again.

Konan was pretty sure that she'd fallen asleep, because the next time she opened her eyes, Pain was gone, and she was lying on a bench-swing in front of a house she'd never seen in her life. She sat up and looked around, quite sure that Pain hadn't been gone for very long, since he wouldn't just leave her on a bench. Or would he? Only if it was a joke...

She shook her head and got off the swing and stretched, looking around. She saw a piece of paper flutter to the ground, and she realized that it must have been lying on her. She picked it up, immediately recognizing Pain's messey handwriting; _Hey Konan, when you wake up, just come in, okay? If you're not inside in ten minutes, I'll come get you, so don't worry -I didn't forget about you. I bet that's what you were thinking. Everybody's really excited to see you :) -Pain_

Konan smiled, folded the paper before putting it in her back pocket, and looked around herself. The shiny black motorbike was parked in a very long, twisting gravell driveway, so people driving by wouldn't be able to see the house or the garden, which was decorated vaguely with a few gothic gnomes, a rose-fence, and the swingset. All of them were covered with rather lovely weeds. Konan smiled, taking a liking to the garden already.

She turned to face the house, which she assumed was Pain's. It was quite small, but really, really tall. It looked as if there were a maximum of four rooms per floor, and around four floors. That probably included a basement, Konan thought with a crooked smirk. She walked up to the house, suddenly a little nervous; what if this wasn't his house? What if he was just asking directions, and she wasn't supposed to come in? She caught sight of her own wide-eyed reflection in a large window to her right.

She sighed and made sure she looked okay, at the very least. She smoothed down a wrinkle in her high-rise shorts, then bit her lip and knocked on the door. There was a long pause, and then it swung open. Konan immediately was reassured that this was the right house: the person wasn't Pain, but he _did _have the exact same eyes and the exact same shade of orange for his hair.

"Um, hi..." Konan began awkwardly; she _was _supposed to come in, right?

Yes.

Yes she was. She looked up again to see the guy at the door giving her a once-over. He was now joined by another boy. doing the same thing. And a girl, who was examining her clothes. Konan felt herself beginning to blush.

"Hey," the gruff voice of the first guy, who looked a good deal older than Pain, spoke. He had spiky hair similar to Pains, but his face was harsher, less handsome, older, and his piercings were different; he had several long, sharp spikes coming out of his ears, and seven studs over his face.

"You must be Konan. You'd better come in." he invited, and she did, and took off her boots, looking around. The one who had spoken turned and walked away, shouting to Pain that his girlfriend was here.

"Come on, silly, don't just stand there." the girl, who also looked like Pain, but younger, shorter, and with a funny onion-like hairstyle, said, taking Konan's hand and walking her to a well-lit room just down the hallway. The other boy loped along next to them, hands in his pockets, just like Pain did. He had long hair in a long ponytail, with a small portion of it hanging over one side of his face, like Ino. He also had a long scar over his forehead, as well as a bar piercing through his nose, held in place by two studs.

"She's a lot prettier than he described." he commented, "What do you think, Annie?" he asked, and Konan blushed.

_Seriously? It's not like I'm _right here _or anything..._

The girl who was holding Konan's hand looked back, giving her yet another once-over before smiling.

"I think she's pretty. She's exactly his type." she said to the boy, who smirked.

"Thanks," Konan said shyly, and Annie grinned at her. Konan hadn't noticed before (major unobservant moment -face-palm-), but Annie had a lot of piercings too: a stud above her nose, a stud on either side of her neck, six going down her cheek, one below each on her neck, and two on her forearms, visible under her quarter-length-sleeved lolita dress. Konan was already jealous of her; she'd been in love with that style of dress ever since she had started choosing her own clothes, but whenever she bought one, and her dad found it, it was burned before her very eyes.

"I'm Animal, by the way," the boy with long hair said, offering Konan his hand. She took it and shook it, introducing herself as well, thinking that he had a funny name, like Pain.

"If you ever dump Pain, I'm available." he said with a wink, and Annie scowled.

"Shut up, freak. I have a good feeling about Konan. She's not going _anywhere, _and certainly not out with _you_." She said sternly, steering Konan into the kitchen, effectively cutting off Animal's argument. Konan looked around. And felt like she'd entered a hall of mirrors, full of Pains.

In total, six Pains seemed to stand around her.

As she scanned the faces surrounding her, one of them seemed to stand out and make her feel certain that she wasn't in a hall of mirrors: Pain was grinning at her, sitting on a stool, his hands in his pockets. He gave her a low wave, which she returned.

"This is Konan." he announced to the whole room, and they all looked at her. Great.

"Introduction time!" Annie sang, saving Konan from the six identical, purple, many-ringed stares.

"I'm Annie, Animal's twin sister." she said, gesturing importantly to herself with her thumb, then at the boy next to her, the one with Ino's hairstyle...which was a lame version of Deidara's. Animal shook her hand, leaning close before Annie pushed him away.

"That's Naraka," she said, pointing at the older one who had opened the door.

"That's Pain -I guess you know him already-" she said, and Konan laughed. "That's Human." Annie said, and another boy, who also looked to be a bit older than Konan and Pain, looked up and nodded. he had very long orange hair, like Animal, but his was loose, and he had a lot of studs on his face.

"Preta, Asura, and Outer are all away, but I'm sure you'll meet them sometime." Annie said, and Konan nodded, linking her hands behind her back.

"You're forgetting someone..." another voice came from next to Pain. Konan looked up, and saw a man who could have been Pain's twin. Upon second glance, however, Konan could see that he was definately older, by quite a bit. He had the same strikingly orange hair as the rest of them, but he had no piercings, and his eyes were a pretty chocolate brown instead of the unusual, many-ringed irises that the rest of them had.

"Konan, this is Yahiko, my dad." Pain said, and Yahiko walked over to Konan before hugging her tightly. Instinctively, she hugged him back, looking at Pain with a surprised look on her face over Yahiko's shoulder.

"It's so nice to meet you at long last, Konan! I'd love to hear more about you from yourself. My son-" Yahiko said, giving Pain a meaningful look, "-often seems to fudge the details. He said you were beautiful. _Major _understatement." Yahiko said, winking at Konan, who grinned and thanked him.

"Okay, show's over, everybody..." Animal announced, and most of the others left, leaving Konan, Pain, and Yahiko alone in the room. Konan instinctively walked over to Pain, who slid off of his stool and wrapped his arms around her. She relaxed and leaned against him as Yahiko began to pour them glasses of orange juice.

"It's so great that you came to visit. I've been wanting to meet you for a while. Keeping Pain in line at school, are you?" he asked, shooting Konan an amused look. She smiled.

"A bit." she said shyly, then looked up at Pain, who gave her an encouraging smile: he knew that she'd never met any of her friend's parents before, and that she was nervous.

"Alright then!" Yahiko said, turning around and handing them their glasses of juice.

"You'd better go and show Konan around, right, Deva?" Yahiko said, looking up at Pain. It took Konan quite a few seconds to realize what he was talking about.

_Deva...? _Pain interrupted her confused thoughts by taking her hand and walking her upstairs.

"What did he call you?" she asked finally as she followed him. He looked at her, a grin on his face.

"It's my real name," he explained, and Konan stared at him. "Deva's my first name. All my brothers, and Annie too, really have the same name as me; Pain." he had paused and was now explaining something totally weird. Konan blinked at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about. "All of our middle names are Pain. I just always hated Deva, so I changed mine." he finished, shrugging as he led her into a room with a large bay window, pale lavender wallpaper, and a pretty bed with iron loopy things at the head and end of it.

"This is your room, okay? Or, at least, it's where you're supposed to sleep. But the rules around here aren't exactly set in stone..." he said, raising his eyebrows at her and shooting her a sly sideways smirk.

She smirked back, rolling her eyes and shoving him onto the bed, jumping on after him. Annie walked past ten minutes later to find Konan sitting on Pain's stomach, tickling him. She raised her eyebrows, closed the door, and continued walking. Konan blushed, looking at the door. As she turned her head to look at Pain, he pulled her down and kissed her softly.

"Hey, you wanna go swimming tomorrow?" he asked her, and she nodded.

"Deidara took me shopping..." she admitted, and Pain laughed. "What, you didn't have a swimsuit?" he asked, and she punched his arm playfully.

"Well, it's not like I'd have one if I never went swimming, silly...I can't swim very well." she admitted. Pain propped himself up on his elbows.

"Oh? Well that's not good. We're gonna have to teach you now, little missy. No girlfriend of mine's allowed to have a minimal education on water safety." he said, pretending to be stern. She laughed and rolled off of him. "I like these shorts, by the way." Pain said, rolling over to face her and curling his fingers around the belt loops at the top of the high-rising jean shorts. Konan propped her chin up on her fists, elbows buried in the blanket.

"Why?" she asked, and Pain grinned at her mischievously, tugging on them gently.

" 'Cause I can do this.." he said, tugging on them harder, pulling her over to him surprisingly quickly. Faster than Konan could register, Pain had rolled over and was bending over her, kissing her neck softly, his hands sliding up from her shorts to gently run up and down her sides, not quite hard enough to tickle, but the pressure was just enough to make her shiver and blush faintly. Konan gasped, trying breathlessly to speak over her shallow pants.

"Hey, you're dad's really cool, you know..." she said in a rather breathy voice. Pain looked up and smirked, kissing her cheek gently and speaking against it, his lips brushing her skin as he spoke.

"Yeah I know. People say I look a lot like him. Do you think so?"he asked, and Konan frowned slightly.

"Yes...but you're different too. In subtle ways, besides your eyes." she said thoughtfully and Pain asked her to explain, rolling over yet again and propping himself up on his elbows to see her as she tried to clarify what she meant.

"Well..." she began, thoughtfully tugging on her lip as she deliberated, "I really think it's partly in your personalities...I mean, you both seem to like to laugh and be funny. Your dad is similar in the way he looks directly at you when you're talking, and how he seems to mean what he says, as if it's all super duper important. He's got the same kind of confidence about him that you do, but...if it came down to it, I'd say that _he's _got more of the awesome, leaderish, friendly fix-the-world kind of vibe whereas _you _have the more dangerous, bad-boy, sex-appealish personality. And piercings." she finished finally, and looked at Pain for approval. He stared at her for a bit, surprised by her thought process. Then he grinned at her and sat up, pulling her up with him.

"You are amazing. That's the best description we've had around here in a long time. Good girl." he cooed, like she was a puppy. She swatted him with her arm, which he caught and used to tug her towards him in another kiss. A quick one, before he made her jump on his back for a piggyback around the rest of the house and outside.

When they finally came back inside, the house was empty, and a note on the fridge from Annie said that they had all gone out to play pool. Konan asked if Pain wanted to go and find them, but he shook his head, shooting her a grin; "I'd rather be here with you than out there with them, seriously." he said, grabbing her and pushing her, laughing, down on the couch.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" he asked, his voice muffled in her shoulder.

"Mhmmm. I would, thank you." she said, and she felt him grin before he pushed himself up and strode over to the floor-to-ceiling movie organizer-shelf-thingy.

"Okay, what kind of movie do you want to see, browsing the selection casually as she thought.

"Well, for some odd reason, I don't really feel like watching a scary movie right now...hmm. Maybe something funny or...I'm not really sure." she confessed, and Pain chuckled, grabbing some movies and reading out the titles.

"Do you consider Sleepy Hollow scary?" he asked, and she replied absolutely. Tim Burton or no, the witches in it had always made her jump from fear. Especially when they killed that poor little bat...

"Okay..." Pain announced, looking up and down the shelves that were stuffed full of VHSes, DVDs, and BluRay discs.

"We've got all the Disney movies, including Tangled, don't ask me how we got that...We've got most of the Pixar stuff, we've got all of the Star Wars movies, no Star Trek...We have a season of Friends, I think that's Annie's...We've got Night at the Museum 1&2, all the Tim Burton movies that come to mind...I think Dad's obsessivly bought every good movie Colin Firth was in...So that's Mamma Mia, Pride and Predjudice, King's Speech, A Single Man, Shakespear in Love, The English Patient, Bridget Jones' Diary, Nanny McPhee...(what the hell is that...) oh, and Love Actually." Pain finished, moving to start listing some more, which were obviously organized by 'favourite actor'.

"No, stop!" Konan announced, standing up and joining him, grinning.

"Can we watch Love, Actually?" she asked, taking it out and looking up at him. He seemed in indescision, so she put on her banned (by her father and most people she'd ever used it on) large eyes, puppy-dog look. He was strong, apparently: he didn't give in for nine good seconds.

"Okay fine..." he caved, and she tugged him back down on the couch as she excitedly popped the DVD into the player.

"Do you like this one?" he asked belatedly, and she grinned at him, flopping down next to him.

"Of course I do. It's really, really, fun! Well, I guess it's supposed to be romantic, and it is, but I really think it's funny. And cute. Especially the boy who plays Sam...awwwwww I love him!" she said, and Pain raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. When Sam finally came onto the screen and it turned out that he was a little boy, probably aged something like 10, Pain started laughing.

"You know, he's a perfectly eligable bachelor, now..." Konan said, going on to say that he was now 20, and that he voiced Ferb in Phineas and Ferb and spewing other random facts about him until Pain shut her up by kissing her. A loud, collective 'Awwwwww~' sounded around the room, and Pain looked up, as Konan blushed fire-engine-red, upon the discovery that Pain's family (or rather, the majority of them) were back, and had just watched that whole thing.

"Hey, babe, time to go swimming." Pain announced, appearing in Konan's doorway and walking over, falling over on her and tickling her. She laughed, playfully trying to kick him away.

"Geeez already? Okay." she said, yawning. Pain grinned at her wickedly before rolling over and propping his chin on his fists, looking up at her curiously.

"Soo...what kind of suimsuit did you bring?" he asked casually. Konan bit back a grin. "Um, it's a one piece. Or rather, a wet suit. Like the kind scuba divers wear? It also comes with a snorkel and attatched flippers." she said, nodding. Pain looked at her, kind of nonplussed.

"Oh. That's cool." he said. There was a moment's silence, and then Konan laughed, rolling over so she was sitting on him, her knees on either side of his stomach.

"You're silly. It's a bikini. Deidara made me get it. Why? Are you a perrrrveerrrrrt?" she asked, leaning down and bracing herself with her hands on either side of his head. He looked up at her, grinning, as she leaned closer until there was just an inch of space between their lips before stopping.

"Oh, seriously?" he laughed before grabbing her and pulling her down, sealing her protesting mouth in a passionate kiss.

"Ewwwww~!" Konan broke away and looked up to see Animal and Annie at the doorway, both in suimsuits and laughing. Pain grumpily told them to fuck off, flinging a pillow after them. He turned Konan's face to look at her; she was grinning.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yup. Get out, loser, I have to change." she said, kicking him playfully off the bed. He pouted, but left, laughing.

She closed the door after him, locked it, then dug the bikini out of her bag. Laying it on the bed, she looked at it apprehensively: now that she actually had to wear it, the idea of wearing nothing but the small amount of fabric on her body was quite daunting. Apprehensively, she put it on and reluctantly moved in front of her mirror for a thrice-over. It didn't look too bad, and the bikini itself was quite pretty: black with little white flowers. She took a deep breath and stepped toward sthe door. Then she froze.

_Shit- I can't do this. What if the top falls off in the pool! What if I look really bad- I mean, Annie looks amazing in hers...Or what if...argh. Okay, I'll just go over to Pain's room, ask him if it looks okay, and if he says no, I'll hit him, if he lies and says it looks amazing, I won't go swimming, and if he doesn't lie and says it looks good, I will...hide behind him just in case, and go swimming. Good. And if the top comes off in the pool, I'l point wildly and scream out 'PANTS' to make everybody look away, and then I'll quickly sneak away and fix it. And if the bottom hop comes down, then I'll casually sink down into the water and pull it back up. But if somebody's wearing goggles or something...I'll hide behind Pain and hope he doesn't realize. Argh. Okayyyy..._

Finally, Konan emerged from her room, her blue towell, mentally prepared for absolutely _any _situation. Suddenly, she was scooped up from behind, sprinted down a hall, out a door, and flung into a warm pool that was full of Pain's family. _Full _of his family, meaning that she almost landed on Animal. Okay, she was ready for _almost _any situation.

Maybe not that one.

She broke the surface, shaking water out of her eyes and looking around. Pain was standing on the deck behind her, his arms crossed and a big smirk on his face. "Nice bikini." he said approvingly, giving her a once-over. She blushed, but said thanks anyways. And naturally, thanks to Pain's efforts, her entry to the pool was _much _less-than-subtle, so everybody was staring at her. Lovely.

Luckily, she was saved from the stares that were boring into her, surprisingly, by Pain (the culprit). He jumped in the pool after her, looking hot and...Pain-ish in black and red trunks. He turned and grinned at her, tugging her towards him by the straps on the sides of her bikini bottom. _I swear if the strings snap because of him I will KILL HIM! AAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH..._Konan thought, directing her gaze away from his eyes for fear of laughing.

Unfortunately for her, her gaze fell upon his chest. Where drops of water were sliding slowly down his pale, beautiful skin, across smooth muscles, down, down, until...oh my. Not quite realizing that she had zoned out, Konan continued her very, very slow once-over until she was 'woken up' by a loud wolf whistle. Realizing what she was doing, a little too late, she blushed bright red and looked around to see Annie at her shoulder, wearing a sequined, bright red bikini.

"Hot stuff, right?" she said with a wink. Konan wasn't sure what to say, but Annie just sunk into the water and swam away. Her attention was quickly brought back to Pain as a finger looped around the strap of her bikini top, tugging on it just enough to make her look down in panic. As soon as she did, Pain tipped her chin up, grinning at her.

"Nice top. I like it..." he said teasingly. Konan let a breath she hadn't known she was holding out. Giving Pain an exasperated look, she grinned.

"Thank God it was just you! Jeez, I thought it was coming down or something...Wheeeeeeww..." she sighed, and Pain laughed.

"Relax. If it comes down, I'll cover you..." he said, raising his eyebrows with a naughty smile. Konan laughed and poked him in the chest.

"Personal space bubble, dude." she said playfully, and he laughed.

"Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you! Nagato's coming!" Yahiko exclaimed suddenly from the other side of the pool. Immediately Pain and the others all grinned, and Animal cheered. "Suh-weet!" Animal roared, high-fiving Animal.

"Who's Nagato?" Konan asked Pain, and he smiled down at her. He's Yahiko's best friend. They've known each other since they were kids. You'll like him, I'm sure." he said lazily, pulling Konan over to him, threatening her by tugging on the strings of the bottom half of her suimsuit.

"You seriously like to make me panic, don't you?" she demanded cheerfully, to which he laughed. Half an hour later, a rather unhealthy-looking man came out the back door, wearing a purple suimsuit and holding a black towell. Konan secretly thought that he looked like he was seriously anorexic, but Pain explained that he was just a little sick. What really caught Konan's attention was his eyes: his were the exact same shape, colour, and type as Pain and his siblings'.

"Why does he have the same eyes as you?" Konan finally asked Pain in an undertone. He grinned. "It's because our mom was his sister****" he said, just as quietly.

"_Ooohhhhhh..._" Konan said, blushing slightly: she'd been imagining _slightly _more creative scenarios of how that could have happened.

The rest of the day passed pretty innocently: the group played several games of pool volleyball, and Konan kind of...failed at it, but her team still won! Huzzah...probably because all of Pain's relatives were good at volleyball.

Then they all played Blindsman's Bluff, and Konan was the last person to be caught. Probably because of all the experience she got ducking tackles from Deidara and Sasori. Finally Yahiko turned the barbicue on and they all ate burgers and hot dogs followed by stuffing themselves with ice-cream. Konan had successfully gotten away from Pain long enough to put her white eyelet summer dress on over her bathing suit as the sun began to set.

At eight-thirty, everybody began heading inside. Pain took Konan by the hand, leading her up to his room, ignoring wolf-whistles from his brothers. He closed the door behind them, and gestured for Konan to sit on the bed. She did, and looked all around his room, thinking that she'd probably hurt her neck just from looking. It was different, and somehow just what she'd expected: The room itself was medium-sized for a teenager who spent most of his time at a boarding school, with pale purple wallpaper and a white ceiling.

The bedspread which she was sitting on was black with a huge rolling stones logo in the middle. There was a large David Bowie poster on the back of the door, and a small wooden dresser near the window, on which was a huge box with several open drawers in which Konan could just make out dozens of studs and earrings. There was a funny little window on the fourth wall which had a black curtain across it.

"What's that window look at?" Konan asked, pointing. Pain laughed. "You'll probably find out sooner or later, but I could just tell you. It's a window into Animal's room. I'm really not sure why it's there, but Dad says it's an escape exit in case my room catches on fire. See..." he said, pulling the curtain away to show a large hole in the wall through which Konan could see another room, another bed, another orange-haired boy lounging around reading porn. Pain wolf-whistled, and Animal looked up, scowled, and flung a pillow through the hole, hitting Pain in the face.

"Good aim." Konan called out, and Animal laughed and thanked her.

"So you brother can just...lean in and see anything he wants to?" Konan asked Pain, who caught her drift immediately and gave her another teasing smile.

"Well, he can...unless I do this..." he said, casually grabbing his chest of drawers and pushing it over the window to cover it. When he was finished he turned around very slowly, hands on hips, and asked Konan if she was ready.

"Ready for wh-" He pounced on her, pushing her down on the bed and following to land on top of her, his hands skimming down her waist, around her shoulders, over her so quickly she hardly knew what was happening, all her thoughts concentrated on his mouth on hers, the loving, teasing, passionate ferocity with which he kissed her, her heart pounding in her ears, her breath coming short, and Pain's body, his face, his chest, his hair, his legs, under her hands as she held him close, knowing for certain that nothing could make her love him more than she already did. But also certain that she was going to stop him before he went too far...just for fun.

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****Ya, I know that Nagato didn't have a sister, and whatever, but it's a little hard to explain how they have the same eyes...argh...please don't spaz about that, I just wanted to have Nagato in there somewhere...

Okay, a short chapter by my standards, I know, but I've been having the WORST WRITERS BLOCK EVEERRRR! gaaah I can't even explain it...grrr im so mad at myself right now...but anyways, at least I got something up! yay! Oh, and thanks so much to BoOksandMaNgA for their awesome support! Yaaaaay! Oh, ya, if anybody reading this likes Death Note, and likes MattXMello, please check out Forver Without by ChocoholixAnonomous, because it's a joint fic I'm doing with her. It has no reviews right now, so it would be nice to get sommme...Anyways, the update for this will be quicker next time, I promise! Next chapter, we're probably gonna look at what Sasori and Deidara did during their spring break...Mmmmmmm hehehe. Okay! Love reviews, subscribers, favourites, etc!


	14. Angel in April, Monster in May

**I Love: Angel in April, Monster in May**

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okay. It's been about a million years since I last updated this story. It's not because I hate this story (I LOVE IT!) and it's not because I'm ignoring my reviewers + subscribers (I LOVE YOU GUYS!). And honestly, I really don't know the reason. It's awful. But, summer's coming, and that means that I'm gonna have a lot of free time (I'll be up until like...three or four or something...:P) so that means that I'm gonna update this a lot! It makes me so...freaked that it's been almost a year since I got the idea to do this story. I remember in September (before school started) when I updated this story about twice a day or something...sigh... I'm going to have to study for my science + math tests a lot soon, before my finals, but after that, I PROMISE I'll update super quick! ...and I'm blabbering on and on...However!...I don't own naruto (sniff) and** THANK YOU FOR STAYING WITH THIS STORY!**

**-S**ailor**N**ova

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_~You say that I'm messing with your head, boy. I like messing in your bed, yeah. I'm messing with your head when I'm messing with you in bed.~_

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Konan woke up next to Pain. She smiled, remembering what had happened last night.

Haha, **not what you think**!

"Good morning, sunshine." Pain said, and she turned to see that he was awake. His hair was a mess, almost worse than Sasori's perpetual bedhead, but it was cute. Konan grinned at him and patted his head, rolling over to rest her head on his chest. He put his arm around her, and they both relaxed into the each other, just thinking of nothing. Their relationship had become so strong and natural over the past few months that Konan couldn't remember what her life had been like when Pain _wasn't _her boyfriend.

And somehow 'boyfriend' didn't exactly encompass what Pain was to her. He was her best friend, her 'friend with benifits', and in the strangest ways, her girlfriend and her father. Yes, I know, strange. But Konan had never really been close with a girl before, but she knew what it was like (from watching _The Sleepover, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, etc). _'Girlfriends' are the friends who know _absolutely _everything about you.

And if not, you tell them a hell of a lot more about yourself than you tell anybody else. They know if you've got your period, they know who your crush is, you've told them your most embarassing moments, they know exactly which boy you'd _hate _to wake up beside, etc. Pain was like that. Although, admittedly, _all _of Konan's closest friends knew when she got her period (vaguely), her most embarassing moments, and so on, Pain never needed reminding, and he would always know how Konan felt in every situation of the day. And he was kind of like the father she wished she had, because she could depend on him for _everything. _Even, embarassingly enough, money, when her _real _father forgot to send her an allowance for three months.

But, Konan mused as she listened to Pain breathe, he would always surprise her, and as well as she knew him, every day was completely different. One day he might kiss her before class, but another he might make her wait the _whole day _before even hugging her. It was this exact kind of teasing that had led her to wake up next to him that morning.

The day before had been April Fool's.

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(Day before)

Konan had not dared to go to sleep, and had placed a dummy in her bed, just in case. It had turned out, she was right in doing so, because at two in the morning, Sasori and Deidara had snuck in with a marshmallow gun, and had yelled and fired fluffly goodness at 'Konan' in the bed. They were having a wonderful time until, of course, the _real _Konan had appeared behind them and shoved cake in both of their faces. So they left, probably to do wonderfully naughty things to each other with the extra cake...*_cough*_...

About forty-five minutes later, Hidan came in, armed with whipped cream. Needless to say, _he _was the one to get creamed in the face. Not too long afterwards, Konan was woken up (she'd dozed off in the bathroom) by the sound of yells from Kisame's room. When Itachi arrived, sopping wet and looking _quite _vexed, at the door of the bathroom, Konan wordlessly let him into her sanctuary, where he proceeded to explain that Sasori, Deidara, and Pain had arrived in Kisame's room (where Itachi was reading a book) and hosed them down with waterguns.

Seven more attacks occured before dawn. The relative silence of the night was often broken by shouts of surprise, either from their own dorm, or from others throughout the boy's hall. When the sun rose, Konan refilled her mug of espresso coffee (a necessity on April fool's) and left Itachi to get dressed. The weather had warmed up ever so slightly, so Konan no longer wore the wool tights she'd worn since November, and had exchanged them for thigh-high black stockings that looked like tights under her school pinafore. She locked both doors to her room, and surveyed her April Fool's day 'equpment'.

One super-duty Ultra-pressure water pistol (full): check. Six mini water pistols (full): check. One small towell: check. Waterproof camera: check. Extra water bottles: check. Granola bars: check. 300 un-filled water balloons: check. Most of her 'equipment' was for self-defence, of course, but the water pistol was definitely for _of_fence. Because April Fools, like every international holiday in the school, was a 'School Spirit Day'. Tsunade had decided that school dances were getting overdone...not only that, but she kept finding drunk kids around the school asking her to dance with them. So, after punching them all the way to Yemen, she decided that on April Fools, things would be different.

"Because I don't want to have to get poor teachers and troublemakers to have to clean up a load of frosting, jello, dead chickens and who-the-hell-knows-what, this year is going to be strictly water-centered." Tsunade had announced at an assembly the week before, "The rules of the game are: everybody picks up a water pistol and a waterproof camera on the 31st of March. Then the whole of April 1st, classes will be suspended, to protect everyone's art. Instead, we'll be having a full-on water war on the fields outside." Konan had wondered exactly what the fields would _look _like after they'd been doused with about 300 gallons of water. Probably not very field-esque.

"Every student for themselves, unless you form alliances. When you spray somebody, you have to get a picture of them _and yourself! _after they're wet. If you just take a picture of you and your friend who got wet, it doesn't count, and staff will be out there to make sure nobody cheats." Sasori winked at Deidara, and whispered that he'd definitely spray his Hated Teacher in the ass.

"The students with the most pictures of wet people will get prizes." Tsunade finished, and all the students cheered, although Ino and Karin definitely looked pretty bummed: neither of them were particularly good at anything that involved competition and action. But Konan noticed that Ino brightened up when she suddenly announced that she'd definitely wear _white _on April Fool's. Typical.

Konan got dressed _very _slowly. She dug through her undwear drawer and muttered darkly under her breath as she realized that her sports bras were in the laundry. She put on a somewhat-modest black one instead, _just in case..._She put one of her mini extra water pistols in the middle of her bra, between...(because you never know...). Then she put on her biggest t-shirt, which happened to be a black _My Chemical Romance _concert t-shirt (originally belonging to Pain) over a pair of red and black striped short-shorts. She attatched two of the three other mini-water guns to belt loops, and stuffed her main water gun through the loose belt slung around her hips.

She put the granola bars, water balloons, and the water bottles into her small backpack along with the last mini-water gun, and her waterproof camera stayed in her pocket. She zipped up some Aldo not-converse, and re-entered the bathroom, to find Itachi changed and looking bad-ass as usual in a black V-neck t-shirt over dark blue board shorts, decked out with various mini water-pistols and water bottles. As they both warily exited Konan's room, she asked why Itachi didn't have a bigger water gun. He replied that he didn't need one; he was allied with Kisame.

"Yeah, but.." Konan began again, but at that moment Kisame exited his room, and she saw why: he had a water gun on his back the size of a cannon, and the length of a rifle.

"Doesn't that need a lot of water to fill up?" Konan asked once she found the words that had left her at the sight of the monstrous water weapon. Kisame grinned wolfishly at her. "Sure, but once you're hit with this..." he drew one finger across his throat, and Konan laughed in spite of herself. Hidan's door slammed open, and he stood in the hall holding a pressurized water hose.

"You've gotta plug that in to a hose outlet, man." Kisame said, and Hidan smirked, obviously proud of his ingenuity.

"That's the _beauty _of this mothafucker." he said, patting the pressure maching that was hanging on his shoulder by a long strap, "There's a load of sprinklers out in those fields. All I gotta do is snap one, attatch this baby, and give everybody a face full of fuck!" he said proudly. Konan snorted, Hidan's phrasing making her think of the _VGcats: Face full of Alien wing-wong _comic. If you don't know it, it's...exactly what it's called. Nasty.

Konan walked into Pain's room, and was surprised: although he wasn't in the hall, his bed was empty. She stepped forwards, and a hand slipped over her mouth as another arm grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against a warm body. Although she was, frankly, _terrified, _she didn't move. Two seconds later, she knew it was _definitely _Pain because he laughed quietly and kissed the top of her head, not letting go.

"Whm uhmn mhuhm mmfnn?" she asked against his hand. He laughed again and turned her around, letting go.

"Were you scared?" he asked, grinning down at her. Konan, feeling short as she always did around him, frowned and crossed her arms. "Absolutely not!" she said seriously, but he could easily tell that she was lying. Partly because halfway through 'not' she smiled. "Dare I ask if you want an alliance with a useless teammate?" she asked, hooking her thumbs into his beltloops, like he often did to her. Except she blushed and didn't meet his eyes.

As a rule, Pain generally didn't do that. He laughed quietly again, and patted her mock-condescendingly on her head. "Of course I would." he said, an easy smile on his face, and he hugged her to him.

"You're supposed to _kiss _her, stupid." Pain and Konan looked around to find Deidara and Sasori watching them, looking baskically like the Kings of Total Cool. Sasori's hands were in his pockets, his hair was sexy as usual, and his dreamy eyes were settled tauntingly above his confident smirk. Deidara was almost his opposite, looking fiery and headstrong, one hand on his hip as he leaned against Sasori, his head tilted slightly to one side. Konan grinned and detangled herself from Pain momentarily, stepping towards her two best friends.

"You want him to kiss me like _this?_" she asked, taking Deidara and Sasori by the shoulders and turning them, pushing them together so their mouths met. Of course, being the hormone-charged, nympho couple that they were, they didn't need any more encouragement to make out and leave Konan and Pain alone. Pain laughed lightly and took Konan by the hand, leading her out of the dormitory.

Ten minutes later found Konan sitting in Pain's lap in one of the armchairs by the Boy's hall, with Kisame, Itachi, Kakuzu and Hidan gathered around them. Not ten feet away, Sasuke and Suigetsu were standing, talking, Suigetsu already digging into some yogurt. Karin (apparently the staff weren't patrolling to make sure no girls got into the boys' dorm) walked up to them, and asked for an alliance. Near the back of the hall, Naruto was forming a battle-plan with his team. Sakura (who also seemed to have snuck in) punched him when he suggested that she be the distraction.

The whole hall was buzzing with plans, and everywhere Konan looked she could see water guns poking out of pockets and water bottles in hands. Ino strode over to talk to Karin, and Konan poked Pain, who looked where she did and snickered. Not to make fun of Ino, of course, but the two full water balloons sitting in her bra added a _lot _to her already proud chest. To be quite honest, she looked like a Barbie. In a bad way.

The entire group watched Ino, almost transfixed, as she talked animatedly with Karin, the balloons in her chest jiggling around merrily. Karin and Ino started walking over to Sakura, but on the way, Rock Lee (all geared up to an extreme, of course) accidentally crossed paths with Ino. As he turned to get out of her way, his huge water gun banged against her chest, instantly popping one of her 'extra boobs'.

The entire hall burst into laughter, not to be mean, but simply because _anybody _would look absolutely ridiculous with one huge balloon-boob, and one normal one. Plus, the water had (earlier than expected) soaked through her white tank top, showing her bright red bra -one one side. Ino yelled at Rock Lee for a bit, then popped the other water balloon from inside her shirt on his head before taking a picture of the poor guy, soaked. Konan was just wondering if that was against the rules or not when the bell rang.

"So, we go to the fields, right?" Kisame asked, and Kakuzu nodded, leading the way. He was, surprisingly, looking forward to the day's activities: he'd made some kind of betting poll or something, whereby if he won one of the final prizes, all the bets placed on other people would basically go into his pockets, _and _he'd sell the prize for some money. In Kakuzu's world, so long as cold hard cash was aplenty, life was bliss.

Ten minutes later, the entire student body was standing in a mass on the playing fields at the back of the acadamy. Tsunade herself was standing on a little stage so the students could all see her. She spoke into a megaphone, explaining the rules. "...boundaries are the school. NO WATER IS TO GET ANYWHERE NEAR MY SCHOOL! Got it?" she asked menacingly, and everybody nodded and gave her a loud 'Yes, ma'am...', accompanied by a few muttered swears, etc. It's not like all the students at a school for kids who basically are too sadistic/crazy/dangerous/fucked up obey rules without a little resentment.

Tsunade fixed them all with her signature stern look, then continued; "You're not allowed to spray the same person twice in a row! If you are sprayed 15 times -and trust me, we will know, you are _out! _You can return to the game after lunch. The Water War ends at 3:00! Any and all water fights on these fields _after _that will result in all participating parties cleaning all the bathrooms in the school, _with supervision! _No exploding toilets, like last time!" at those words, she found Deidara's face in the crowd and gave him a glare. He winked back at her, and grinned at Konan, who had laughed next to him.

"After 3:00, you can all go back to your dorms and shower or dry off. If anybody's still dripping at 4:00, it's two laps! If anybody remembers the mildew catastrophe last summer..." she sighed, looking into the middle distance as a number of the sixth and seventh years groaned, nodding.

"..Anyways," Tsunade continued briskly, "There will be a lunch break at 12:30, but it's going to be out here. No spraying during lunchtime, please. Nobody wants to step in sandwich soup, trust me. At 4:00, everybody can deposit their photos in boxes by the Photography room, _labelled _with your full name and your year. Any unlabelled packages will not be counted." Tsunade took a deep breath and smiled.

"Everybody will meet in the gym at 6:00 to announce the winners. If you're not there and you win, the next runner-up gets your prize. Then after _that, _at 7:30, meet back in the gym for some more April Fool's fun." she finished, and the student body cheered, wolf-whistled, and jeered. And Jiraiya sprayed her in the face with his water gun. After recieving some _serious _violence courtesy of Tsunade, he hobbled away to his station. All the staff members, decked out in water-proof ponchos, with umbrellas and gumboots, were poisitioned around the field to supervise the event. Kakazhi raised a large airhorn above his head, and as the loud sound echoed around the fields, all the students scattered.

In the first five minutes, almost forty kids were soaked. Konan was allied with Pain, Kakuzu, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan, Itachi, and Sasori, naturally. After observing for a short amount of time, Konan was able to pick up quite a few alliances. Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji (a rolly-polly fourth year) were allied because they relied on each other's strengths. Ino would not spray Karin, but Shikamaru would, so she got wet anyways. Karin and Suigetsu were _supposedly _allies, but it was hard to tell: they'd spray each other when it got boring, but if somebody else tried to get one of them wet, the other would hose them down.

Naruto and Sakura were allied, Gaara and his siblings were allied, and so on. But the alliance made up of Konan and her friends was by far the biggest alliance. Sasori (the best strategist) had explained a plan to them, where they were arranged in a kind of star-shaped pattern. Hidan was close to the middle (he had effectively ruined a sprinkler to install his pressurized hose-of-doom), Deidara and Sasori covered each other's backs on one side, Itachi stayed close to Kisame to provide his huge water cannon with water, an also to spray anybody who came up behind them.

Kakuzu stayed in the middle, and would often spray Hidan while getting an 'enemy', not that he cared at all. Hidan would swear at him all the time, which generally made the event funnier, despite sacrificing anyone's attempts at light conversation. Pain and Konan stood sort of at the middle of things, and at the back to cover the rear of the group.

Honestly, their bad-ass arrangement combined with Hidan and Kisame's 'water guns of peril' sort of scared off the opposition. So for the first hour or so they just sprayed each other for fun, and took random pictures. But as soon as most of the kids were out, the game was narrowed down to the best players. Sasuke's alliance of Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin was still in, having destroyed almost all the kids who were sitting on the sidelines.

Naruto's alliance had grown to include himself, Sakura, Hinata, Neji, Gaara, Shikamaru, Ino (her shirt _completely _see-through) Temari, Rock Lee, and Kiba. Konan grinned as Tsunade (hiding in a waterproof gazeebo) flicked a button on a large stereo that was hooked up to huge amps, and _Another One Bites The Dust _started playing, its beat pounding out of the speakers. Everything was still for a moment, as the three large alliances watched each other warily. Then suddenly, it began.

Naruto immediately went for Sasuke. Gaara and Temari moved towards Deidara, who stepped forwards, grinning, with Sasori behind him. Neji and Rock Lee teamed up and went in at Kisame. Shikamaru and Ino moved in towards Hidan and Kakuzu. Hinata and Neji suddenly flew into action, like a bad-ass action pair, sttacking Suigetsu, who easily held them off, looking like he was in his element.

Naruto and Sasuke's fight was quickly over, after Sasuke had taken a few pictures of Naruto. Naruto then headed directly for Pain, avoiding the fighting pairs surrounding him. Konan stepped back, taking her watergun out of her belt. Naruto went straight in ( a kind of...stupid, but bold technique), and Pain easily dodged the spray of water that headed for him...and it hit Konan instead.

"Jackpot!" Naruto cheered as Konan laughed and wiped her eyes. Pain looked around in surprise, and had to bite back laughter as Naruto made an epic face as he snapped a picture with Konan. Naruto put his camera away,and looked at Pain, who immediately doused him with water.

"Damnit!" Naruto yelled as he shook water out of his hair. Pain locked eyes with Konan, who grinned at him as he took a picture with the water-logged Naruto.

"See ya." Naruto said, rushing off to have another go at Sasuke. Konan walked up to Pain and crossed her arms, smiling up at him. He ruffled her wet hair.

"Sorry you got wet." he said, not quite seriously. Konan raised her eyebrows, and linked her fingers with his with their unoccupied hands.

"You should be. Bad boy." she teased, not even having to look before spraying Ino, who had tried to get an easy shot. "Picture time, Ino my dear." Konan said airily, walking towards the soaking blonde girl.

"You're a bitch." Ino said half-heartedly as she smiled for the picture. Konan pushed her lightly.

"And you're a slapper (slut, etc)." she retorted, just as lightly before returning to Pain. She leaned against him as they watched Sasori and Deidara get Temari and Gaara out. Gradually, most of Naruto's team were sprayed 15 times, and they all trooped over to the sidelines, where everyone else was sitting in a water-soaked mass. Soon only Sasuke, Suigetsu, Naruto, Karin, Neji, and Konan's team remained, whereupon Tsunade announced that it was 'sudden death mode'.

No pictures would be taken, you just had to hit everybody 15 times before going to lunch. Kakuzu and Hidan immediately began power-spraying at Karin, who had to leap back quickly to avoid being hit. Itachi, Kisame, and Pain began firing at Neji, who despite some _serious _skill, was beaten shortly afterward. However, he did hit Kisame 11 times, and Itachi 7 times. Pain hadn't been hit a single time the whole game. Konan teamed up with Sasori and Deidara, and together they started on Suigetsu. Karin immediately warned him about the attack, and he turned with a sharp-toothed grin to face them.

A few seconds later, Pain got Karin in the stomach, making her out (she'd been hit 14 times during the rest of the game), and Hidan got out shortly after that, by _Kakuzu _of all people. Naturally, a lot of coarse language followed that development in the game. Konan turned around, laughing, only to be hit in the chest by Suigetsu, who was then hosed down and gotten out by Kisame. Sasuke and Naruto, locked in some kind of water-based epic battle, were eventually beaten by everyone else, who sprayed at them when they weren't looking. Both boys went off, but not before Sasuke hit Itachi for the 15th time, taking him down with him. Deidara turned to look at his next opponent, and saw...Kisame. "So...we just hit each other, un?" he asked with a grin. Instead of answering, Hidan hosed him down.

Sasori retalliated, and soon it was a huge catastrophe. Sasori, Deidara and Konan combined to take out Kakuzu and Kisame, Pain got Sasori out, and Konan and Deidara battled for _ever _until Pain ended it by spraying Deidara in the back of the head. It was just two left. In the melee amongst themselves, Pain and Konan had equally been hit fourteen times.

"End it like a duel!" Tsunade called enthousiastically from the side, and it was echoed amongst the rest of the school. Konan was, in fact, not feeling like having a duel. She really wanted to go back to her room, dry off, and maybe watch a little _K-ON!_ But no. She either had to get sprayed in the face, or spray Pain in the face. And then it would be lunchtime, thank God!

"Ready?' Pain asked as they stood back-to-back.

"You know what, I think I grew," he commented randomly.

"Why?" Konan asked in surprise. He laughed.

"Your ass is wet. I can feel it on the backs of my thighs."

"?"

Konan seriously felt like laughing. Or just turning around and spraying him in the face.

"Ten steps!" Tsunade called out, and they both walked away from each other for ten equal paces, before spinning around and spraying. Konan had, as soon as she'd turned, ducked down to the ground. Pain's spray of water flew above her head, and she got him right in the face from below.

"The winner! Konan Amega, fifth year!" Tsunade's voice rang out over the loudspeaker. But, of course, nobody cared; they had all raced towards the sandwich tables as soon as they were uncovered.

Konan stood up and walked over to Pain, suddenly very tired. "Hey," she said, and kind of fell into him. He hugged her with a grin and took out his camera. "Smile," he said quietly, and she did. Suddenly two heavy wet forms slammed into their backs, and Sasori and Deidara were there, taking pictures. It was a while before any of them got to the sandwich table, but by the time that Konan, Pain, Kisame, Kakuzu, Sasori and Deidara did get there, they found that Hidan and Itachi had saved them some sandwiches. Of course, their lunch conversation was mostly dominated by Hidan swearing and threatening Kakuzu for getting him out.

After lunch, which lasted only as long as the sandwiches and conversation did (half an hour), all the students returned to the field for round two. This time, the staff also participated, which resulted in narrowing down the number of students participating pretty quickly. There waere a _lot _more attempts to hit Konan this time around, since she won the last round.

Sasori, Deidara, Pain, Hidan and Kakuzu all teamed up to take down Kakashi while Kisame, Konan and Itachi soaked Suigetsu. At the end, it was Pain (again...epicness wins!), Deidara, Sasuke, Konan and Jiraiya. Deidara and Sasuke took each other out with a ricochetting stream of water, and Konan was soaked by Jiraiya after spraying him four times. Because the rules were that no staff member could win, Pain technically won, even though Jiraiya beat him after a long duel of water.

By the end of the second Water War, _everyone _(including Tsunade, who had been wearing a 'waterproof' jumpsuit) was completely soaked and tired. They all retreated to their respective dorms to shower, and Konan had _never _been so happy to have her own personal bathroom. Well, lately it hadn't exactly been _personal_- although she got to shower first, Pain, Hidan, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori were not far behind. The sun had (miraculously) come out during the day, and it was warmer than usual, so Konan wore a loose black playsuit under a lavender hoodie with a black teddy bear on the front.

She put her hair into two loose pigtails (for it to dry better), and gingerly placed her custom paper flower in her hair. She wasn't sure if it would get wet or not, but...it was a hair habit. She tugged on dry socks, and put her feet into comfy black teddy slippers (it wasn't worth wearing proper shoes, since she'd be back in her room in another two hours or so...). She opened the door, walked across the hall, and knocked on Pain's door. He opened it, and they sat together on his bed, just talking.

"So, if you could have any super powers, what would they be?" Konan asked, looking up at Pain's ceiling, where there were posters of Billy Idol and Green Day. Pain thought about that for a few moments, before answering, taking their intertwined hands and brushing his lips against Konan's as he spoke.

"Well, I suppose reading minds would be okay, but only if you could shut it off. Imagine all those perverse, private thoughts you'd have to hear if you couldn't!" he said, and Konan nodded, thinking of Edward Cullen...yech. (No offence~) "And then bringing back the dead would be okay, but only if you really needed to. Because sometimes it's better for people to die than to live...do you know what I mean?" he asked, and Konan nodded again. Pain's voice was relaxing, like a lullaby. Konan reddened, remembering the time she'd asked him to tell her about his childhood, and she'd fallen asleep. But, to be fair, it was four in the morning.

"After that, I guess that being able to control gravity would be fun. You know, you could make things fly..." Pain grinned at this, imagining just moving his hand, and Konan would float across the room.

"I guess it would also be cool to summon stuff. Like, just say something, and there'd be a live concert in my bedroom." Konan laughed, just imagining herself opening Pain's door to find rockstars and pounding music...and a huge audience squeezed into his eight feet-by-ten feet bedroom. The door swung open, and Deidara jumped up onto the bed, landing over Konan and Pain, but not quite on them.

"Time to go, you guys! We might have won something, un!" he said happily, before springing up to go find Sasori. Pain rolled off the bed to his feet, and offered Konan a hand, pulling her up with him.

"Do you want to carry me?" she asked with a yawn as they started walking together to the gym.

"Not really." he said cheerily, and she rolled her eyes. Not like she hadn't seen that coming, but it was worht a try. When they got there, the bleachers were almost full, but Itachi had saved them a space next to him.

"Hey. Has anything been announced?" Konan asked him, and he shook his head. "Not yet. They're waiting for everybody to get here." he replied. Konan nodded, then looked at his long hair. It was dry. "Hey," she said, narrowing her eyes. "Did you use my hairdryer?" she asked. Itachi grinned at her. "Maybe." was all he said. Konan laughed and shook her head.

"It's funny. I should just _give _it to you. I never use it, anyways. I guess I like having wet hair," she mused, and Itachi and Pain chuckled. A few minutes later, after the last straggler or two had entered the gym and found somewhere to sit, Tsunade raised her megaphone to her lips.

"Okay, everybody! Today's Water war was a total success!" The school cheered.

"While you guys were drying off and having fun, _we _the staff had to develop and sort through pictures. So consider yourselves lucky that you're not teachers here!" she said with a kind of tone that made Konan wonder if she was annoyed or not.

"I have to say, that after sorting through so many pictures, some of you guys are _really _unphotogenic when you're soaked!" There was uncertain laughter from the students, but Tsunade just grinned.

"Joking you guys. You're all beautiful. Anyways, moving on, time for the winners and the prizes! We decided to do one winner from each grade. Now,for the two fifth years who were the last ones standing in both rounds today-" she looked at Konan and Pain. Konan vaguely tried to hide, because Tsunade could be a _little _intimidating.

"Remember that just because you guys won the war, it doesn't mean that you hit the most people. So be prepared to _not _recieve a prize." Pain grinned at Konan who told him that she'd have hated to get a prize, anyways; it meant having to walk up there in front of the whole school in her teddybear slippers.

"So, from the first years, the person who soaked more than 42 people...congratulations to...Amu!" A tiny little girl who didn't look like she could hurt a fly, let alone spray more than 42 people, trotted up to get her prize, which turned out to be a box full of different wigs. A second year named Jeremiah, who had sprayed 55 people got food dye of every imaginable colour.

The third year who had soaked 61 kids won never-popping bubble gum (a lifetime supply). Suigetsu won for the fourth years, having sprayed 79 people, and he went up to collect his prize of a bath set that turns the user bright pink. The winner for the fifth year category was, surprisingly enough, Hidan. He cheered, called everybody something rude, made a couple vulgar hand movements, and strode up to get his prize of...a large red button on a black box.

"What the hell does this do?" he asked Tsunade, who slipped on a pair of earmuffs as an answer. Hidan pressed it. The explosively loud sound of an ambulance wailed throughout the gym. Everybody slapped their hands over their ears as the little black box began emitting sounds of piercing screams, gunfire, and finally..._Flash! Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the earth..._ Hidan took his finger off the box, shocked.

"Fuck this is awesome!" he said finally, and went back up to sit next to Kakuzu. Konan felt rather like she'd just had her ears raped. One look at Pain's face told her he felt the same. Liz, a girl in sixth year, shakily (the sound seemed to have terrified her) went down the steps to get her present of two silver guns, which when fired, made a large bang before playing _Click Click Boom. _She had won the prize for the sixth and seventh year category, which was combined because there were only four seventh-years.

"Okay, everybody! Dinner's in the lunch hall as usual, then back here later for more fun!" Tsunade spoke into the megaphone, slipping her earmuffs off. Deidara caught up to Konan as she walked through the crowd of students, and slung his arm around her shoulders. "Hey, you." she said, and he laughed.

"Hey. I already know what they're doing in here after dinner. It's completely generic, un." he said dismissively.

"What do you mean, 'generic'? Don't tell me there are _clowns_?" Konan asked in mock-horror, but Deidara nodded seriously.

"Nooo!" she cried dramatically. "Oh, the humanity!" Pain joined in, and Deidara laughed.

"So, my man Sasori and I were thinking that maybe we could all just stay in the dorm and do something...that doesn't involve clowns, un." he said, and Konan and Pain said 'Yes!' emphatically at the same time. They explained the plan to the others during dinner.

After dinner, as they turned the corner for the Boy's hall, Pain told Konan to stop a second, then he bent down in front of her. "Don't tell me..." she said, and he laughed, nodding. With a sigh and a smile, Konan jumped up and looped her legs around his waist, gripping his shoulders. "A little belated, but a piggyback is a piggyback." she said, and Deidara laughed, opening the door for them.

Pain put Konan down on her bed, and sat down next to her. The whole group had assembled in her room, because it was 'the living room'. Konan secretly wondered if they all considered _their _rooms to be 'dead rooms' or something.

"So, what are we going to do? It had better not be ass-fucking boring." Hidan said, stretching.

"You liar. You don't think ass-fucking is bor-" Hidan hit Kakuzu in the face with a handily-placed pillow mid-sentace, and Konan grinned. Sasori yawned like a kitten, and then smiled at Deidara.

"Well, we could play honey I love you, and some Truth or Dare...and we could always drink some vodka... You've got a supply under your bed, right, Pain?" he asked, and Pain nodded with a grin.

"So, are we gonna play?" Konan asked. "Come on, Konan, babe!" Hidan protested, shaking his head at her reproachfully. "Badasses like us don't _play _stuff. We _do _stuff."

"That's what he sai-" Once again, Kakuzu was shut up. They decided to play Honey I love you first. But not the 'sissy, virgin kind' as Hidan put it. The proper one. Konan started first, having been the scapegoat of democracy (the boys all voted for her to start first), and she stood in the middle of the circle.

"Oh, yeah, you're not allowed to go to your boyfriend." Deidara said with a grin just as Konan stepped towards Pain. With a sigh, Konan turned around and sat down in front of Sasori.

"Honey, I love you. Won't you give me a kiss?" she asked, blushing as she leaned close, pretending to try and kiss him. Sasori didn't say anything, he just closed the distance and kissed her. Konan pulled away in total shock.

"What? That's not how you play!" she said in indignation. Deidara, too, was glaring at Sasori. Pain just looked nonplussed. Sasori laughed. "Well, when a hot chick asks to kiss you, do you say no?" he said innocently.

"YES!" Konan and Deidara exclaimed together, and Sasori laughed again.

"Kidding, kidding. Do you want to play Truth or Dare instead?" he asked.

"YES!" Konan and Deidara exclaimed together again. Konan shuffled away, rubbing at her mouth and blushing, back to Pain. Deidara continued to shoot dark looks at Sasori, who clearly could not see how the situation wasn't funny. Deidara went first as Pain went to fetch some bottles of vodka.

"Sasori, truth or dare, un?" he asked, and Sasori chose truth. Probably because he knew that a dare from an angry Deidara was bound to end in his own pain. "Is Konan a better kisser than me?" Deidara asked, and both Sasori and Konan snorted.

"Um..." Sasori looked behind Deidara to Konan, who raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, since she didn't kiss me back, I'm not sure. But...no matter what, nobody will ever be a better kisser than you." Sasori said, meeting Deidara's fierce blue eyes with his own dreamy ones. There was a beat of silence, then Deidara visibly relaxed.

"Okay, un." he said, and leaned back against the wall. Sasori went next.

"Kakuzu, truth or dare?" he asked, and Kakuzu's eyes narrowed.

"Dare." Sasori smirked.

"Tear a ten dollar bill in half." Kakuzu's eyes widened in horror...and then he slowly took out his wallet, which was _bursting_ with cash. Very, very slowly, he leafed through until he found ten dollars. Then, suspensefully...he tore it straight through the middle. There was a pause, and then they all applauded. Pain, who had just come back with four bottles of vodka, almost dropped them in surprise at what he saw; Kakuzu _ripping money. _When the applause was done, Kakuzu tore a piece off of Konan's tape and repaired the bill quickly before stuffing it back in his wallet.

"Kisame, truth or dare?" he asked, and Kisame said truth.

"Would you rather go out with Ino for a year, or marry Rock Lee?" Everyone laughed. Pain reached over and cracked open a bottle of vodka. Kisame frowned.

"Am I allowed to kill either of them?" he asked, and Kakuzu said absolutely not.

"I guess I'd go out with Ino, and just cheat on her. Then after a year, I'd dump her like a sack of potatoes." he said, explaining that marrying Rock Lee would be the most humiliating moment of his _whole _life, whereas giving Ino the most painful dumping _ever _would be worth waiting a year for. A few truths and dares later, Sasori asked Konan if she'd ever imagined herself having kids. To everyone's surprise (even Pain's), she blushed and looked down. "...no..." she said finally, and Sasori laughed.

"You are _so _lying!" he exclaimed, and Konan turned redder.

"I am not!" She looked around at her friends' deadpan expressions of shock. "...Well okay I'm lying...Yes I have imagined myself having kids." she said finally.

"With who? Did you name them? Girls or boys?" Sasori asked eagerly, quite obviously enjoying tormenting Konan by embarassing her further. "That's more than one question!" she exclaimed indignantly, and refused to answer anything more.

"Truth or dare?" she asked Itachi. He picked dare. Konan smirked, her recent embarassment forgotten.

"Alright. I dare you to let me curl your hair. Right now." There was a collective gasp of shock. Itachi seemed frozen in place.

"...I can't say no, can I?" Itachi asked, almost pleadingly. Konan shook her head and laughed evilly. She stood up and grabbed her flat iron, plugging it into the wall. She sat behind Itachi and began to curl his hair as he asked Hidan truth or dare.

"Truth, mothafucka!" he said, crossing his arms.

"How did you and Kakuzu meet?" Itachi asked curiously. Hidan's expression froze, and Kakuzu choked on the vodka he'd just swallowed. Hidan suddenly was on his feet, racing out of the room.

"Get him!" Konan cried, excited. Deidara and Sasori, who were closest to the door, chased after him, and a loud thump and swears told them that Hidan had been rugby-tackled to the ground. He came back in, sweating and swearing, Sasori panting and holding his arms behind his back while Deidara pushed him in.

"Hidan, you _have _to tell us." Kisame said, sipping some vodka.

"Why the fuck do I have to tell you!" Hidan asked angrily, trying to fling Sasori and Deidara off of him.

"Well, if you _don't _tell us..." Pain said, making eye contact with Sasori and Deidara. Konan, seeing this, sensed some kind of mysterious trope of the past was about to come up: Sasori, Deidara and Pain had been roommates when Hidan and Kakuzu had come to the school.

"_Close to you~...Why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by? Just like me, they long to be close to you~..." _They were suddenly singing _the Carpenters. _Hidan slapped his hands over his ears.

"Fine, fuck it all! I'll _tell _you, just shut the fuck up!" he exclaimed, and Sasori and Deidara high-fived each other and Pain. "We met during the summer...at a Marilyn Manson concert." Hidan began grudgingly, glaring up at Kakuzu, who was purposefully not making eye contact with him.

"And then we were at the same summer camp...and we sorta...anyways. And that's it. That's the whole_ fucking _story_._" he said, emphasizing the f-word in particular. Everyone all went '_Oh..._' at the same time.

"How come you don't like _Close to you?" _Konan asked Hidan as she curled Itachi's hair. He looked up at her, scowling. "It's because my _mother _used to sing that to my dad." Hidan explained. Konan nodded, but secretly, she had _no idea _how that was an explanation. But then, she often felt like that when Hidan started sentences with the word 'because'.

"Done, Itachi!" she exclaimed a few minutes later. Pain took pictures from all sides while Sasori and Deidara muffled their laughter in the corner. Kisame couldn't keep a straight face, and Hidan said "Man, you look _fucked up._" Kakuzu took a picture with his own camera (probably the pictures would be sold to Itachi fan clubs -for a price!).Itachi examined himself in the mirror, made a face of horror, and proceeded to brush frantically at his hair to try and straighten it again. "It looks _awful._" he muttered to Konan, who laughed.

"Truth or dare, Pain, un." Deidara said.

"Truth." Pain said, and Sasori grinned at his boyfriend.

"Have _you _ever imagined yourself having kids, un?" Pain clearly had _not _seen that coming. Although he didn't react like Konan had, he certainly looked very embarassed and awkward.

"What kind of a question is that?" he asked, half-laughing, but Deidara and Sasori just smirked at him.

"Have you?" Sasori asked, and it seemed like everyone leaned in as if he were about to divulge some kind of juicy secret.

"Well, yeah, I have." Pain said finally, and Deidara and Sasori gasped before staring at Konan pointedly.

"...What?" she asked, and Deidara just winked at her.

Around eleven, everyone went away to their respective rooms (except for Deidara and Sasori, who _never _slept seperately) to sleep. konan closed her door, locked it, and sighed. She stripped off her hoodie, socks, and playsuit, switching them for a purple nightie with pandas on it. She brushed out her hair, washed her face and brushed her teeth before everyone else came to do the same.

When they'd all brushed their teeth, she flopped down onto her bed, and flicked on her bedside table lamp. For a while, she just lay there in thought. Would she want to have children? Sure when she was younger, she'd imagined herself being a mother, and being a better parent than her father had been, but that was years ago.

However, when she closed her eyes and imagined her and Pain at a play ground, surrounded by three or four kids, maybe twins, and one baby, she smiled, blushing. A knock on her door made her sit up in surprise. Opening it, she found it was Pain standing there, topless.

"Hey," she said, blushing because of what she'd just been imagining. He grinned down at her.

"Hey...there's a thunderstorm." he said. Konan's eyes widened in shock.

"What? But...it's April!" she exclaimed. Pain laughed.

"I know!...anyways, I was wondering if you could stay in my room tonight because..."

"You're scared of thunderstorms, aren't you'!" Konan exclaimed in surprise. There was a clap of thunder, and they both jumped. Something inside Konan that had been hiding for a while, her AMAZING EGO, began to uncoil.

"Don't worry!" she exclaimed proudly, taking his hand and striding into his room. "

Never fear, Pain my dear. Konan's here!" she said, laughing confidently. Pain laughed, too, because she looked ridiculous with her hands on her hips in a heroic pose.

"Don't worry, everything's OK." she said impressively as Pain flopped down into his bed. She sat down next to him, and he pulled her down next to him, hugging her. Konan sighed, breathing in the nice smell of her boyfriend that enveloped her when he put the blanket over her.

"Thanks, Konan." he said quietly, pulling her a little closer to him. She kissed his cheek.

"No problem." Then there was a crash of thunder and a flash of lightning. Konan flinched , her heart beating frantically.

"I-It's okay! Everything's okay..." she told Pain, trying so hard to reassure him when really...she was scared of thunderstorms, too.

The rumbling and flashes had been dying away for a while, and Konan was pretty sure that Pain was asleep. But she lay wide awake, jumping with every roar, the blood pounding in her ears as every flash of lightning lit up the room from Pain's small window. Finally, she gave up on going to sleep, and began to count to 1000 in french. But every time the thunder crashed, she'd jump and tell herself that everything was okay...so much that she forgot which number she'd been at. Finally she got to 929, but for the life of her couldn't remember what thirty was in french, even though she'd said it about eight times that night.

After a particularly loud roar of thunder, Konan flinched and brought her hands up to cover her ears, brushing Pain as she did so. He moved. _Oh shit. _Konan watched as he opened his eyes and looked down at her.

"Um...don't worry! Don't be scared...It's just a stor-!" her feeble attempts to reassure him were ruined by the lightning that flashed, lighting up the room, making her squeak. Pain blinked. "Are you scared of thunder?" he asked finally. Konan spluttered indignantly.

"No! Why would you think that?" she asked, although her voice wavered. Pain grinned and wrapped one arm around her again.

"It's cute that you pretended you weren't just so you could make me feel better." he commented, and she scowled, because he was right.

"Well..." she began, but she honestly couldn't think of anything to say to that. Pain smiled at the ceiling.

"It's even cuter, because I'm not actually scared of thunderstorms." he said, and Konan sat up in surprise.

"You're not? But you said..." But now that she thought about it, Konan realized that Pain had never said that he was scared of them. In fact, she'd just...taken that idea and run with it. And now she felt _really _stupid.

"Oh." was all she could say, and Pain laughed quietly.

"It's okay. It was really nice of you to stay with me like you did, even though you're scared of them. Thank you." he said, kissing the top of her head lightly.

"Oh...well." Konan said, still unable to think of anything to say.

"You're welcome." she finally said, her voice muffled by Pain's chest as she lay down again. "So...why did you want me to sleep in your room?" she asked finally, and Pain grinned.

"For fun, obviously." he said casually. Konan snorted and rolled her eyes. How incredibly anticlimactic.

And typical.

"You know, sometimes I think you're just messing with me. But...it's fun. And I like it. so don't stop, okay?" she asked, knowing that what she said made absolutely no sense, but she was so tired, and the complicated thoughts and feelings inside her were too dificult to explain properly. Pain pulled her closer.

"Of course." he said before he dipped his chin down and kissed her. Thunder boomed, and Konan's body stiffened, but Pain didn't stop kissing her, he just pulled her closer.

"It's okay. I'm right here." he murmured quietly before kissing her again. Somehow, those three words were enough to make Konan forget her fears, and just stay right there with the boy she loved so much.

_~You say that I'm messing with your head, boy. I like messing in your bed, yeah. I am messing with your head when I'm messing with you in bed~_

* * *

**Phew! **Not as long as my earlier chapters, I know, but I had to get in the swing of writing this couple again...I hope you guys liked this chapter anyways! Oh, and the title's not supposed to make sense... I know that the whole chapter is only about 24 hours long, but it was a _long _24 hours. Anyways, so I've pretty much got the end of this story in sight...or rather, the CLIMACTIC SCENE! Now, this is important, so **please read this little blurb!** I would really appreciate to hear from you guys about one particular thing about this plot... **Please vote if Pain and Konan should have kids (after highschool, obviously...O_O)! **

I'll update soonish, I think...probably near the end of June, after my last Provincial exam! I love my reviewers and subscribers, etc! Thank you so much for your support!


	15. Andromeda

**Andromeda**

* * *

Konan walked past poster after poster advertising the yearbooks, which would be handed out the next day. She was pretty excited for that (since she and her friends had submitted a lot of pictures to the yearbook staff), but her mind was elsewhere at that moment; she'd received another letter from her father. And unlike the majority of his letters, this one had no fluffy 'wherefort art thou Konan' crap.

This one was straightforward, barely eight sentences on the paper. Which was a _major _change. When Konan saw her father's shaky writing and small words, a seed of worry had planted itself in her stomach; it was so unlike her dad to do that, she was sure he had to be stressed or something.

Chewing her lip, she unfolded the letter and re-read it for the six billionth time; _Konan, I need you to come and visit me in Milan this summer, ASAP. Your mother's sick, and I want you here. A plane ticket is in the envelope, it's for the 16__th__ of June. A taxi will meet you at the airport, and there will be a change of clothes inside a bag on the backseat. Change in the car. This is important, so do exactly what I say. The taxi will take you home. See you, Daddy. _Konan frowned and knocked on the door to Tsunade's office. Shizune answered after the fourth knock.

"Miss Amega? What's up?" Shizune asked, as usual mixing up awkward formalities with slang.

"Hi, is Tsunade there?" Konan asked. Shizune shook her head, giving Konan a wry smile.

"No, she's packing...I mean, she's doing paperwork." Konan rolled her eyes, and grinned. "Well, can you please tell her that I have to leave before the end of the school year? My dad wants me to leave as soon as possible...here's a letter." she said, handing the folded paper to Shizune, who read it over.

"Sure, no problem. When are you going?" she asked. Konan frowned and ran a hand distractedly through her hair.

"Uh, I think tomorrow afternoon...after yearbook pick-up, and then I'm going to the airport. My flight's at 7pm." she said, taking the plane ticket out of her pocket.

"Alright, I'll tell Lady Tsunade, and she'll excuse you from your last classes of the year. Have fun." Shizune said, and smiled before closing the door. Konan sighed and began walking back to the boys' dorm, worried. Just how 'sick' was her mom? She jumped as two cool hands slid over her stomach and wrapped around her waist, pulling her back against a hard chest she had almost memorized.

"Hey, Pain." she said, grinning. She heard his laugh behind her before he kissed the top of her head.

"Hey. When are you going?" he asked, coming around her to walk next to her, holding her hand.

"Tomorrow afternoon. I think I'll have to catch the 1:00 bus to get to the airport on time." she said.

"Why is this school so far away from everything?" she asked in annoyance. Pain gave her a rather crooked grin.

"It's to keep the _students _away from everything." he said, and winked at her.

"What do you mean?" Konan asked, bewildered. Pain grinned.

"Well, just imagine. Most schools are within easy walking distance from, say, a 711, a Safeway, maybe even a mall or a hardware store. There _is _a good reason St Misery's is so far away from that stuff. If some of the students here were that close to alcohol, saws, nails, glue, fiberglass, and lead-based paint, just think what would happen. Most of the kids here _have _been arrested already, you know." he said teasingly, and Konan frowned.

"Yeah, but what could you do with saws, nails, and fiberglass...oh." she said. Her imagination had already answered her question. They were almost at the dorm doors, when Konan asked

"Do you know anybody who's _killed _anybody?" Pain looked thoughtful.

"Well, I know a lot of people who had the _intent _to kill and just got caught first...but I'm sure there's people who actually went through with it. It's just not what we talk about, right? I mean, the whole point of coming here is for a new start, to be given a chance where you wouldn't be given another anywhere else." he explained, and Konan nodded, resting her head on his shoulder as they stood outside the doors.

"So, what did _you _do to get here? I mean, I know you told me already, but really, I don't think that's..." Pain smiled down at her, eyebrows raised.

"Sure you wanna know?" he asked, and Konan nodded, sure that she wouldn't mind, whatever it was. Pain grinned.

"Well, I kinda tied Annie's ex-boyfriend to a chair and pierced him rather...painfully. You know, blocked some veins, stuff like that...and then there was the psychological torture...but other than that, I drove my old bike into a store window by accident." he said casually, watching her face for any sign of a reaction. Konan just stared at him, seriously trying not to imagine what kind of 'psychological torture' he was talking about.

"Well, I learned something new today." Konan commented, and Pain laughed. "Remind me not to break up with you." she joked, and he laughed harder. He leaned back against the wall, the fingers he hooked into her front pockets pulling her hips towards his. He looked into her eyes, pulling her closer so that when he spoke, she could feel his breath on her neck.

"And why are you here? How'd I get so lucky to find you in a place like this?" Konan smiled.

"Well, I already told you my dad-"

"Yeah, I know, I know about your dad. But why here? Why not some posh boarding school for débutantes?" he asked curiously. Konan bit her lip, and grinned.

"Well, he did sign me up for one year at one of those schools...where you'd learn about 'ladylike entrées into society'." She said, making a face.

"But...when I got there, I was so mad at my dad at the time, that I skipped a class, covered the entire bathroom suite (yeah, there was a bathroom _suite_) with toilet paper, sprayed it over with kerosene, and lit it on fire. So then I was kicked out, and I came here instead. That's why I arrived a week or so late in the school year, because this was my second school." she explained. Pain stared at her.

"...What?" she asked nervously before he started to laugh again.

"You're a crazy girl." he said affectionately, ruffling her hair and grabbing her around the waist, lifting her and spinning her around as she laughed and kicked.

"How romantic." Sasori drawled, as he and Deidara exited the boys' hall.

"Isn't that romantic, Deidara?" he asked. Deidara locked eyes with Konan, who smiled, and grinned back. Sasori was looking at Pain teasingly.

"I think we can beat that, don't you?" he asked, tugging on Deidara's shirt. The moment Deidara's eyes left Konan's and met with Sasori's, he was bent back in one of those old-movie romantic kisses, his long dark-blonde hair brushing the stone floor, Sasori's tongue _obviously _in his mouth. Pain wolf-whistled, and a passing group of second-year girls stared.

One of them got a nosebleed.

Konan applauded when Sasori brought Deidara back up, breathless and grinning. Deidara was staring at him, a blush still evident on his tanned skin, his hair messy. A little voice in Konan's head began singing 'somebody's getting laid tonight, somebody's getting laid!'

"Well? I think we totally beat you." Sasori said, crossing his arms.

"No way," Pain argued, but just then Kakuzu walked past, Hidan next to him.

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty." he said before going through the doors to the hall.

Hidan winked at them before following.

That evening, the sixth-and-seventh years went to their graduation dance (the sixth-and-seventh years that _passed_, that is), leaving the rest of the school to basically hang out and do whatever they wanted for the whole night, since all the staff were supervising the graduation ceremony and dance. The hornier of the students were already locked up in bathroom stalls or empty classrooms, and quite a few were lighting up outside.

Sasori had been about to drag Deidara off to the empty drawing classroom when Konan had asked them to 'restrain themselves', since they did it almost every second night, and it was her last night at the school.

"Fine," Sasori said, acting grumpy as he sat down on her bed. "What do you want to do, then?" he asked, and Konan smiled.

"Well, I thought we could play Truth or Dare, just without the truths." she said. Deidara raised his eyebrows at Hidan, who looked at Itachi. Itachi glanced at Pain, who grinned at Kakuzu, who glared at Kisame, whose gaze was on Sasori. Sasori looked at Konan.

"Sure. It's the fucking last day of school, practically. Even if we do something totally fuck-ass insane, it's not like we're gonna get in any shit for doing it." Hidan said, and they all nodded. "We're gonna decide who dares first by playing spin the bottle, so it's totally random." Konan said, grabbing an empty 7up bottle from under her bed. She placed it on the floor and spun it. The skinny end pointed at Sasori, who smirked.

"Great. Why does the most perverted person get to dare first?" Kisame muttered, and Sasori winked at him.

"Okay. Hidan. I dare you to walk down the fifth hallway and unhook the bra of every girl you see." Everyone laughed, and Hidan grinned.

"Easy."

They all stood at the end of the fifth hallway, laughing their asses off. Hidan had casually 'hugged' two girls already, and both of them had gasped and slapped him. But now...Hidan looked a little awkward as he hugged _Hinata. _She looked surprised as Hidan's arms wrapped around her, and then her expression turned into total _shock._ Hidan backed up, but not quickly enough; Hinata's hand, moving so quickly you could hear it, swung straight into Hidan's cheek. He fell away from her, his cheek bright red. She walked away quickly, red in the face and angry. Hidan was swearing madly, rubbing his cheek as he walked back to his friends.

"Jashin, that fucking _hurt _like an ass-sucking sisterfucker _bitch." _he said, glaring at Sasori, who was almost crying from laughter. Hidan rubbed his cheek a bit more, than grinned maliciously at Deidara.

"Dei, I dare you to make out -that's _french kiss for two whole minutes- _with Konan, right here, in front of _everybody._" Konan felt the bottom drop out of her stomach as she automatically locked gazes with Deidara, who also looked kind of surprised.

He sighed, and looked steadily at her, as if saying 'You ready?' Konan nodded. In two steps, he was in front of her, his arms around her waist and his mouth was on her own. She put her hands behind his head, pulling him closer. As she opened her mouth and his tongue slid over her own, she froze a little in shock.

Okay, this was the weirdest thing ever. It didn't feel _bad, _because Deidara was an amazing kisser, but it didn't feel _right _because it wasn't Pain. She squeezed her eyes tight shut, kissing back, but honestly she was waiting for the two minutes to be over.

Yes, it felt amazing, and she was being kissed wonderfully, but it wasn't _Pain, _there was no comforting metal on her lower lip from his piercings, the hair beneath her hands was long, it was all _different. _However, if she wasn't in love with Pain, and if Deidara wasn't in love with Sasori...then Konan kind of felt that this would be really, _really _nice.

"Two minutes." Itachi said quietly, and Deidara and Konan broke apart immediately, breathing heavily and blushing identically.

"That was..." Pain began, staring at Konan, who shamefully met his eyes, feeling kind of like she cheated on him.

"_HOT!" _Sasori finished, wrapping an arm around Deidara, who grinned at him, but also looked kind of ashamed.

"That was weird...you've got boobs, un. It's different." Deidara mumbled. He met Konan's eyes for a second before they both looked away, faces flaming. Embarrassing._... _

"Okay, um...Itachi, I dare you to put a twenty dollar bill into Sasuke's pants, un." Deidara said, and Itachi's eyes widened for a millisecond. Seriously, if you'd blinked, you'd've missed it.

"...Alright." he said, and everyone followed him down into the third corridor. Sasuke, Suigetsu and Karin were sitting on the benches outside the metalworks supply room, as usual.

"Sasuke," Itachi said emotionlessly as he stood facing his younger brother. Sasuke's eyes met his. He stood up, and walked towards Itachi.

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked in a low voice. Itachi seemed to be saying something really quietly, but all Konan could see from where she stood was Itachi taking a crumpled twenty out of his pocket. She had to bite her fist to stop herself from squealing (she was kind of ashamed of her fangirl behaviour) as Itachi slowly put it down the front of Sasuke's pants. Sasuke stared at his older brother before Itachi turned and walked away.

"Kakuzu, I dare you..." Twenty minutes later, they all ran away from the first-floor boy's bathroom, which was fuming with the smell of burning orange peels. They zipped around the corner just as there was an almighty bang, and Konan's extra can of hairspray was no more.

"Okay, Pain, I dare you to..."

"Oh my God, I can't believe he's actually doing this..." Konan muttered as she watched (from a safe distance, obviously) Pain spread strawberry jam on the inside of each of Tsunade's DDD bras that had carefully been packed in her bag.

"I can't believe it either! But the camera never lies..." Sasori said gleefully as he snapped picture after picture of the sticky deed. When he was done, Pain carefully put them all back in her bag, tossed the jam out the window, and closed the door. He walked back to his friends, grinning. "Alright, Kisame..." he said, smiling wickedly.

Ino's high-pitched scream echoed everywhere, completely drowning out the yell of the boy that was with her. Konan could barely muffle her laughter as she ran away from the girls' bathroom with the others. Ino's night of romance was sadly (and a little meanly, Konan admitted) interrupted by the sprinkler system. And a balloonful of chocolate pudding.

But then again, Ino could make _any _situation erotic, so maybe she wouldn't mind so much. Kisame leaned back against the wall, catching his breath back.

"Ten bucks says Ino's gonna be showering tonight." Sasori said, but Konan giggled and shook her head.

"No she won't. All the girl's showers are busted -Sakura told me that Suigetsu was mad at Karin so he did it. The only girl's shower that works right now is mine." she said, hiding a smile behind her hand as the others laughed and Sasori grumpily handed over his ten dollars.

"Okay, who hasn't been dared yet?" Kisame asked, and Sasori and Konan put up their hands. Deidara grinned and whispered something in Kisame's ear.

"You sure that's okay, little Dei?" Kisame asked, and Deidara nodded, looking satisfied. Kisame raised his eyebrows at Pain, and then dared Sasori to make out with Konan.

"What the hell? Why is it me _again?" _Konan asked, already feeling bad for kissing Deidara -and not hating it- and now she had to kiss _Sasori..._because she had said at the start of the game that nobody was allowed to back out of any dare, no matter what. Foot in mouth, much. Pain nudged her and grinned.

"It's fine." he assured her, and Konan frowned before looking at Sasori, who was giving her a teasingly lustful look.

"Are you serious?" she asked him. He grinned.

"Come to me, baby." he said jokingly. Konan sighed, and walked towards him. As soon as she was within reach, Sasori's arms were around her, pulling her to him and pressing her body against his. His mouth was on hers instantly, his tongue exploring her mouth, running against her own. His teeth bit down on her bottom lip, encouraging her to kiss back. She started to kiss him back, still feeling _very very _strange- because Sasori was a _good kisser too. _

Just he wasn't Pain. So it felt wrong...and good...but wrong.

Kind of like stealing a million dollars and spending it on wonderful things, like your own amusement park, or clothes, or your own island, Konan mused. It was wrong...but if felt _so good!_

When two minutes was over, Sasori stopped kissing her, but didn't let go.

"You're a good kisser." he said. Konan, blushing and breathing heavily, smiled weakly. "You sound very surprised." she teased him, and he laughed, letting go. Konan backed away, and turned to look at Pain. He looked down at her and raised his eyebrows, smiling a little.

"You're not mad, right?" she asked uncertainly. Pain said no, but that he was kind of thinking about how he would make sure she still liked kissing _him _more when the game was done.

"So, Konan, who's the better kisser, me or my man Sasori, un?" Deidara asked with a grin. Konan looked up in surprise, to see both Deidara and Sasori smirking at her.

"Excuse me? You want me to _rate _you?" she asked, and they nodded. She sighed.

"Fine, fine. Now, you're both very good kissers...but...if I had to choose, I'd say Deidara-"

"Yes! I knew it, un!" "-is better at actual _kissing,_ but Sasori-"

"Oh yeah!"

"-is better at, you know...touching and stuff. Making it feel good, not just...you know." Konan was feeling _so _uncomfortable with all the male gazes on her as she evaluated kisses from her bi and gay friends. Honestly, that had to be one of the weirdest things she'd done. "Okay then. Konan, your turn. I get to dare you." Sasori said wickedly.

"No way! Not you!" she said, panicking a little bit.

Considering _Sasori _was...well, _Sasori, _there was no telling what Konan would be dared to do... Thoughts of giving a *****BEEP * or maybe doing *BEEP * or maybe even having a *BEEP * done on her * BEEP* all raced through Konan's mind. Her legs felt a little watery. Sasori smirked at her.

"I dare you to..." he paused dramatically.

"Hurry up!" Konan snapped, biting her lip.

"Patience, patience!" Sasori teased.

"I dare you to wear this forever." he said, and took a long silver chain out of his pocket. Konan watched, speechless, as he slipped a silver locket over the end and put it over her head. She stared at him, and then down at the long necklace. She slowly opened the locket, and behind the left window was a tiny picture of Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, Kakuzu, Itachi and Pain. Behind the right window was a tiny picture of Konan. She was speechless, staring down at it. Then she looked up at Sasori in bewilderment.

"Why...?" her mouth could only form that one word, and Sasori scuffed his foot on the floor, looking awkward for the first time.

"Well, I don't know...it's our first summer apart, and we just didn't want you to forget us..." Konan looked around at the others, too, her eyes wide with surprise.

"You mean...you all..."

"Well, it was Sasori's idea, but he did tell us about it." Itachi clarified.

"Oh...Aww!" Konan said, feeling like she might cry.

"Group hug!" Deidara cried out, and they all hugged each other.

"When did you guys get so girly?" Konan wondered out loud, and Pain laughed.

"Well, really, it's just Sasori who's girly. It was his idea, just nobody else said 'no'." he said, and Konan laughed, walked forward, and kissed Sasori on the cheek.

"I promise I'll never forget about you." she said solemnly. Sasori laughed lightly and punched her arm playfully.

"You better not, or I'll kiss you till you remember!" he threatened, and Konan grinned.

"Goodnight!" Konan said to Deidara, who walked into his room, followed by Sasori, before she closed her door. She turned around and smiled at Pain.

"Hey, you." she said, jumping on the bed next to him.

"Hey." he said softly, running a lock of her hair through his fingers. She lay down on her pillow, and he propped himself up on one elbow.

"I can't believe Sasori was worried I'd forget him." Konan said, fingering the chain of her necklace, which was tucked under her pyjama top. Pain smiled ruefully.

"Well, he's had a little history with people forgetting him. He might tell you someday, but basically it means that you're really important to him. He did the same with Deidara last year, only...a little more extreme."

"Seriously! What did he do?" Konan asked excitedly. Pain shook his head.

"Nah, later. Right now...I wanna make sure you still like _my _kissing best." he said, smiling down at Konan, who bit back a grin.

"Well, now that you mention it, I kjnd of _have _forgotten what your kissing is like..." Pain didn't need any more of an invitation.

Long story short, Konan happily remembered that Pain's kissing was the kind she liked best.

"I fucking can't believe this! Am I seriously 'Most desirable Murderer: the person you'd most like to be killed by'!" Hidan asked, gesturing to the page in his yearbook.

"Well, considering that you'd probably strip down and cover yourself in their blood while it happened, yeah, I can see why people voted for you." Konan said, grinning at him. He flipped her off before winking at her and walking over to Kakuzu.

"Hey, Naruto's 'Most Likely To Go Skinny-Dipping In His Neighbor's Pool'. That's so...ew." Tenten said as she passed, and Konan grinned as she walked over to Sasori and Deidara, who appeared to be signing autographs.

"You guys got, like, seven awards!" Konan said, not exactly surprised, just...wow.

"Yeah, I know!" Deidara said, flipping through the Awards pages, showing Konan all the ones with their pictures.

'Hottest Couple' had a really steamy picture of Deidara pushed against a wall, Sasori pinning him, and looking over at the camera, like he'd just noticed they were there. Sasori had also been named; 'Most Likely to get asked for ID at 30', 'Naturally Drunk', 'Best Pick-up Lines', 'Best 'Come Hither' Look', 'Biggest Flirt', and 'Separated at Birth' with Gaara, from fourth year.

"That's, like, seven!" Konan exclaimed, completely gobsmacked.

"Yeah, I only got 'Best Hair' and 'Most Artistic 3D'. What are you, un?" he asked, checking through the pages again. Konan flipped the page to the other awards.

"Most likely to have 5+ kids, Most likely to Get Pregant before They're 20', and 'Best Ass'. Personally, I don't think _any _of them are accurate." Konan said, but Deidara just shrugged and smiled.

Pain came over later to say hi, and Konan found that he was voted 'Best Eyes', 'Best Halloween Costume', 'Most Artistic Other', 'I wish he was single', 'Most Likely To Change The World', and 'Most Dangerous'.

Kakuzu, of course, was 'Most Likely To Be A Millionaire', and Itachi got 'Hottest Siblings' with Sasuke, as well as 'Best Comebacks'.

Kisame was 'Best at Sports (Male), and Hidan was also 'Biggest Partier'. The 'Most Likely to Be a Sex Offender (In any grade)' was Jiraiya, surprisingly, since he's a teacher.

Kakashi, unsurprisingly, was voted 'Sexiest Male Teacher', and Tsunade got 'Sexiest Female Teacher'.

Konan almost dropped her yearbook when she saw that the 5th year girl voted 'Most Likely to Compete with Tsunade's Boobs' was _her. _"For God's sake, who the hell voted for me! I'm almost _flat!_" she exclaimed, preceding an awkward silence.

An hour later, she was clutching her yearbook to her chest, her wallet with her credit card, plane ticket, and cellphone in her hand, and her bag over her shoulder. She only brought one change of clothes, since her dad never liked her to bring her own clothing when she went to visit him. He thought she looked too 'goth' for his liking, so he dressed her up.

She was standing at the bus stop, already missing the school and her friends. She scuffed her foot in the dirt, a roaring sound buzzing in her ears. She sighed and looked back towards the school as the roaring grew louder. Wondering if it was a lawn mower, she looked over at the grounds, but it wasn't there...

The roaring grew louder and louder, and Konan turned her head to the road to see what it was- Pain was standing next to his huge black motorcycle, an extra helmet on the back.

"You didn't really think I'd let you take the bus, did you? I'm not letting you go that easily." he said, grinning, and Konan beamed, walking towards him.

"Thank you!" she said, adjusting the helmet as she clambered onto the back of the bike.

"No problem, babe. After all, you're ditching me for who knows how long this summer! The least you can do is let me be with you as long as I can before you go." Pain said cheerfully, and Konan wrapped her arms around his waist as the motorbike gained speed.

Soon they were cruising down the freeway. Trees, cars, lakes, and mountains were all a blur that Konan only vaguely acknowledged. Her thoughts were unfocused and hazy.

The misty feeling of happiness and slight loss that one experiences at the end of a school year was drifting in and out of her conscious thought, laced with thoughts of her father and mother, Sasori's necklace, kissing him and Deidara, and Pain...the leather jacketed boy who she was holding onto...

How long would she be in Italy? How long would she be away from home?

Home...home really is where the heart is...and as Konan's closed eyes unconsciously shifted towards the sea that she could smell clearly in the wind, she knew that her heart had not been with her father for many, many years.

If she was honest with herself, as she hardly ever was, she would realize that her heart had _never _been in Daddy's embrace, in Daddy's house. It was with her mother, in the asylum...and her heart had shut itself closed the day her mother had been dragged out of her house, into the white van.

No number of Daddy's hugs, smells of Daddy's cologne, slaps from Daddy's hands would make her heart open to him. And now her heart had found a home in Misery, with other miserable people who had found their love and home within its cold, stone walls. But...the impending airplane ride was certainly going to tear her heart right out away from her...

Home is where the heart is, and Konan's heart would surely rip right out of her body and stay right here with Pain. So she, the empty shell, would go and visit Daddy, and feel nothing, see nothing, taste nothing, hear nothing, touch nothing, until she came home.

To where her heart was.

"We're here." Konan opened her eyes and took Pain's hand, clambering off the bike. She pulled the helmet off of her head, and handed it to him with a smile. He took it, smiling, and hung it on the bike. Wordlessly, he took her into his arms, and Konan could feel that she might cry, but she stopped herself when she felt Pain smoothing out her hair. She pulled away in slight confusion.

"Your hair was poofy, from the helmet." he said with a grin, and she laughed, flattening it. They walked together in silence towards the airport, all the way through the gates, holding hands. Konan felt that if she spoke to him, she might cry.

Actually, if she did anything but hold tightly onto Pain's hand and answer the questions of the airline workers, she would cry. Pain himself seemed to know that she didn't want him to talk, or maybe he felt the same as she did. When they got to the final gate, they stopped. Pain looked down at Konan, and she turned to look up at him. Her eyes were full of tears she refused to let spill, and she was biting hard on her lip.

"I don't want to go." she said finally, her voice barely more than a whisper. Pain gently put his arms around her, and kissed her softly on the top of her head.

"Your mother's sick, and your dad wants to see you. You should go, right?" he said quietly, his cheek pressed against her head. Konan nodded, but she couldn't speak.

"I know," she said finally, in a thick voice. "I know I should go. But...I want to stay here with you. There's nothing for me there but a mother who doesn't...remember anything about me...and my dad...I want to stay here." she said, well aware that she sounded like a child who didn't want to leave his mother on the first day of school.

Pain put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up. Silently, almost carefully, as if trying not to spill the tears in her eyes, he kissed her. While he kissed her, he fingered the chain of the silver necklace she wore, reminding her that it was there, and what it meant.

"I'll be right here, waiting for you to come home. The sooner you go, the sooner you come back to me." he said quietly, and he kissed her cheek. Konan couldn't stop the tears any more; they flowed down her cheeks like rain. She raised a fist to wipe them away, but Pain took the hand and kissed it.

"I love you. I'll miss you. Call me." he said, ending it with a grin. Konan sniffed and nodded, smiling weakly at him. She walked over to the entrance of the last gate, and turned to look at Pain again. "I love you." she said softly, knowing he couldn't hear her.

"I love you more." he mouthed back, and she walked through the doors, wiping away the tears that streamed down her face.

The walk into the airplane was surprisingly quick, but to Konan, it felt like a long trek that was taking her in the opposite direction than the one she ought to have gone in. She luckily had a window seat in the airplane, sitting next to an old fat guy with crazy eyebrows who drooled in his sleep, and on his other side was a twenty-something woman who was clearly terrified of planes.

Thankfully, she had a barf bag. Konan plugged in her headphones and listened to her ipod for a while before starting a movie. The only ones she recognized that were offered on the plane were Twilight, New Moon, Astro Boy, and Titanic. She folded herself into her chair, wrapping her arms around herself in her loose pink hoodie, and settled down to watch as Jack and Rose met aboard the infamous doomed ship, but she only half-paid attention to the movie.

Although she loved it, and cried easily while watching it every time, she was still thinking about her parents and her friends. She longed to call Pain, or Deidara, or anybody, but the air hostess had swooped down upon her and said that it was not allowed during the flight. So Konan spent the multi-hour flight to Milan in a light stupor, re-watching Titanic over and over, saying every line with Rose and Jack.

Konan opened her eyes. A voice was coming over the intercom, saying something she couldn't make out from the jumble of voices and words around her. People were standing up. She could see an airport out the window. The plane was stopped. She stumbled a little as she walked off the plane, clutching her passport, wallet, ipod, and bag. Konan numbly followed the stream of people towards the exit. In the large hall where bags were going around on treadmill-type things, she saw a man in black sunglasses and a black suit wave her down. He was holding a smart white sign with the words 'K. Amega' written on it in neat black text.

"Konan Amega?" he asked with a thick Italian accent, and she nodded.

"This way, miss." She followed him, thinking about how he was kind of the same height as Pain; about a head taller than her, maybe slightly more. They exited the airport, and right in front of the doors, a black taxi with dark windows was waiting for them.

"Please get in." the man said, opening the door for Konan. She obeyed, and found a drycleaner bag on the seat next to her.

"That's the clothes your father wants you to wear, Miss." he said from the front seat.

"Okay." Konan said, unzipping it, not quite sure what to find. If she was here for his formal events, it would be a dress. If it was just because her mother was sick, it would probably be something...frilly. Bracing herself, she pulled it out and off of the hanger as the car smoothly pulled out of the lot. She looked it up and down, frowning.

"You're sure this is everything? I don't know if this is all of it, I mean...it's kind of-" Konan said, but the driver shook his head.

"I can't understand you, _bella. _Your father just told me what to tell you. I speak English, I don't understand." he said, shaking his head. Konan scowled and muttered darkly; her dad had probablyhired this guy on purpose because he couldn't understand what she would say.

She sighed and began to change, counting on her chauffeur's good driving to keep her from needing a seatbelt for the first part of the journey. She pressed the button that raised the opaque wall between her and her driver, and shucked off her hoodie, tanktop, shorts, leggings, boots, and socks.

She examined the 'outfit' her father had arranged again, and sighed before taking off her bra. She pulled on the black strapless bra provided (which only had a ribbon between her breasts), and then pulled on the black lace bodysuit, wondering why in the world she would need to wear something like _this. _

But she had learned years ago not to question her father; questions, protests, and disobeying his explicit rules resulted in getting shut in the basement with no food for a day or two. And in the basement were _spiders. _So, lace or no lace, Konan would wear whatever he wanted.  
Over the bodysuit, she pulled on the black high-top shorts, and then the black stilleto boots. She dug around in the drycleaner's bag before producing a black _choker. _Why the hell...? she asked herself, but remembering the spiders, she slipped it on before plugging in her ipod again, trying to forget that she wasn't at home.

An hour later, they were in an area of Milan Konan didn't recognize anymore -after all, it had been several years since she'd last been there, and her father had moved several times. They stopped in front of a large manor house, where Sergio the chauffeur opened the door and helped Konan out. Konan didn't really look at the house; she'd have loved it if it hadn't been her father's. She was more interested in the sky. It was cloudy. And she was wearing some stripperific bodysuit.

Oh, Daddykins, how I hate you so, she thought sarcastically.

Sergio led her up the stairs to the front door, which he opened for her. A maid in one of those typical French-maid-type get ups led Konan from there to her father's study, where the man himself sat in state on his leather chair.

"Konan, my darling! There you are. Welcome home." _Home...ironic, since I feel more homesick here than I ever have anywhere else, _Konan thought wryly.

"Hi, Daddy." she said, and he gave her his hand so she could kiss it. _How many daughters kiss their fathers' hand? Honestly? _When Konan raised her head, she examined her father. He looked older, and certainly more nervous and worried than the confident, arrogant man she'd come to call 'Daddy'. "So, what's wrong with Mommy?" she asked, well aware that most girls her age called their mothers 'Mom'. Her dad frowned for a moment, as though he'd forgotten that that was why he'd called her here.

"Ah, yes, your mother. I'm afraid she's very ill. Very ill indeed. We'll go and see her soon, Konan, my dear. But first, I want you to go to your room and unpack. I'm glad you put on the outfit I provided. Good to know that maniac school of yours hasn't put any odd ideas of lunacy and impudence in your mind." he said, nodding at her lacey bodysuit. Konan honestly didn't feel comfortable in his 'little outfit' at all, but she knew better than to object. "I'll go unpack, then." she said, and walked out.

"Konan, one more thing." She turned around and leaned around the door, meeting the cold grey eyes of her father.

"Mhmm?" she asked, and he frowned, as if an annoying fly was buzzing around his head.

"_Do _stop speaking with such informal terms, darling. It's not right, it's not how you've been taught. I've spent _money _making you speak right, and you mustn't waste that." he looked at her expectantly, and Konan stood straighter.

"Yes, Daddy." she replied.

"Alright, run along." he said, waving her out. As soon as she was out of his sight, Konan shot his office door a dirty look, tore the stilettos off her feet, and dashed up the stairs to the only room in the house with a K on the door. Slamming the door behind her, she flopped down onto the luxuriously soft bed and let out the biggest sigh of her life.

She rolled over, whipped out her phone, and texted _I miss you _to all her friends. To Pain, she texted _I miss you, I love you. Promise. _She didn't write what she promised. Just the one word seemed to sum up what she wanted to tell him. _Promise. _

Three hours later, Konan's stomach was growling from hunger. She'd barely eaten on the plane ride; the hurling woman to her left had kind of ruined her appetite. She really wanted to get some food...but she remembered the last time she'd tried to take food from the kitchen before she was called down to eat...Her dad had used a Matilda method, and made her eat until she threw up. She watched glumly as the sky grew darker and darker outside her tiny little window.

Finally, she fell asleep, too weak from hunger to move any more, and even if she could, her door locked from the outside. She was asleep when heavy footsteps moved towards her door. She half woke up as a cloth that smelled strongly of something sweet was slapped over her nose and mouth, but only for a moment; she wouldn't wake up for a long time after that.

The rising sun of the next morning shone in Konan's room. It warmed the empty bed with the rumbled bedding, its rays bounced off the screen of her phone, it shone on her bag, wallet, and ipod. But there was nobody inside to appreciate the sunrise.

"Hey," Pain looked up. Deidara was leaning against the wall next to him. "You're pretty down, considering she's only been gone a week, un." he said, casually checking his nails. Pain smiled slightly and punched Deidara's arm playfully.

"Yeah. But remember last year when you were only gone, what, four _hours, _and Sasori was all worried and stuff?" Pain retorted, and Deidara scowled a little, trying to hide a small smile.

"Yeah, well...he's weird, un. She still hasn't called or texted at all?" he asked, and Pain shook his head.

"That's what bothers me. She said she might not be able to, in case her dad confiscates her phone or something, but I didn't think she was serious." he said, checking his phone in case of any messages. Deidara looked up at his friend, the guy he'd seriously considered the 'only sane man' during his first year at school, and even this year.

"Hey," he said in a low voice, and Pain looked at him. "It's gonna be fine, un. And trust me, you're not the only one who misses her. But if she hasn't called in one week, I'll call her. I don't care how much it costs, un. If she doesn't pick up, then we can all go to Italy and find her, un." he said, joking. Pain laughed.

"Right. Thanks, Deidara." he said, and the blonde boy walked away into the kitchen, where Annie, Animal, Itachi, and Sasori were playing cards. The gang was spending the week at Pain's house before going their separate ways.

"Yeah, right. Go to Italy...that's actually not a bad idea..." Pain muttered, grinning to himself before following Hidan outside.

"...better get the money, Jared, because Mr A's not gonna like what you've given us! The measurements are all wrong. What happened to your science, huh? What you've given us isn't what you promised, so you're gonna have to pay up...  
Of course we're gonna keep her! Not like Mr A'd say _no, _he's just not gonna accept her as full payment! ... Two more weeks? What the hell are you talking about, you can't say that for sure. Tests? All your tests have _failed _by the looks of things right now, Jared. ...  
Alright, alright, two weeks. By the tenth, no later, she'd better be what you've promised or you're gonna have to give us the full payment. In cash. Yeah. Ciao."

Konan couldn't open her eyes. Her brain was a mush, and she felt _really _sick. Her stomach felt emptier than it had her whole life, but she wasn't hungry; the _idea_ of eating food was almost enough to make her throw up. She shifted a little, and then bit her lip in pain; _how the hell had she fallen asleep in this position! _Her legs were stinging and her feet were asleep.

She cracked open one eye, but couldn't see much; her eyelashes were glued together by dried tears. She was leaning against a wall, and her arms were hanging on either side of her, pinned to the wall somehow. She wiggled a finger, and had to bite back another whimper of pain; her hands were drooping down, and there was a _lot _of slow blood in there.

_Where the hell am I...? _

She forced her eyes open, and stared around the room. It was blurry for a while; she was dizzy and her head was pounding horribly. She was in a dark room, with no window. There was a pipe running down from the upper right corner straight down into the floor, with a small vent on one side. The floor was cold, cement painted black. The walls, too, were black. Konan barely had time to question again where the hell she was and how she'd gotten there when movement in front of her made her blink.

Out of the darkness, a tall man in black (_why is it always black!_) stepped forward, shutting a cellphone. He was thickset, with swarthy skin and thick eyebrows hiding large brown eyes. He grinned at her once he saw she was awake, and squatted in front of her so they were eye-to-eye.

"How ya feelin'?" he asked with a faint Irish accent Konan glared at him bravely, although she didn't feel particularly brave...especially now that she realized she was still wearing her dad's lace monstrosity.

"...who are you?" she asked in a barely-audible voice. She tried to clear her throat, but it hurt so much she almost cried. "...what?" she asked as the pressure on her throat burned. The man grinned, his white teeth gleaming in the darkness.

"You sound like you're from London! Funny, your Dad said you were abroad...But I wouldn't try to talk if I was you, love." he reached forward, and Konan flinched. But he just flicked an odd metal device on her throat with his forefinger. Tears leaked from her eyes as the horrible pressure increased and vibrated. "I don't like hurting little girls, of course, but I can't have you screaming, now, can I? That's a pressure collar. Presses on the sides of your throat. You can barely make a sound, now, can you?" he asked, and when she didn't reply, he laughed lightly. He had a nice laugh, but that would hardly make up for his horrible character.

"Do you know why you're here, Andromeda?" Konan blinked and shook her head.

"...not...my name.." she whispered, and the man grinned. "Oh, yes it is you. Your 'daddy' brought you here himself, you know." Konan's eyes widened and the man pretended to look sympathetic. "Oh, you didn't know that? I suppose it might be because you were unconscious... Andromeda...that's ironic, you know. Considering that in the Greek myth, Andromeda was sacrificed a seamonster to save her daddy's kingdom, and _you _are basically being sacrificed to pay off your daddy's debts." he slapped his knees and stood up.

Konan was staring at him, scared of what he meant 'sacrificed', but mainly, she was _completely confused. _Her dad wasn't in debt; didn't he keep on moving and buying new houses? Her name was not 'Andromeda', and _why on earth _was she chained to a wall in a basement! The man in front of her seemed to want to tell her more, probably to relish the moment of seeing her fear, or something nasty like that. He bent down again, fisting her hair painfully.

"I bet you're scared. But don't worry. So long as your daddy pays up, you won't...oh, no wait...Yeah, you should be scared." he said, grinning as he released her. He began to walk away, but tripped on something on the floor. As he did, Konan felt an odd, painful tugging on her skin at the wrists.

"Stupid IV drip things..." the man muttered as he walked out and slammed the door. There was a series of clicks as he locked about seven locks, and then his heavy footsteps faded away. Konan turned her head to either side, staring at two skinny plastic cords coming out from under some bandages on either forearm.

Her stomach churned, feeling even more nauseous as she saw what looked like drips of water (but almost certainly wasn't) flowed occasionally from the tubes into her. She followed the tubes with her eyes as they went down her arms, tied on by some plastic string-things, then across the floor to the other side of the room, where she could just make out two large metal canisters.

She could hardly read the large labels in the darkness, but if she squinted she could make out 'Nutriments' and possibly 'Hormo-somethings' Well, not _that,_but Hormo..._Hormones! _Konan's heart began to pound a bit faster as fear filled her again. She started to cry, alone in the dark room, the pressure on her throat paining her even more.

She was cold. She was alone. She was shackled to a wall. _Hormones _were being dripped into her. She couldn't speak. She didn't know where she was, or why she was there. And to make it all worse, she was afraid of the dark. And there was a _spider _in the opposite corner.

More than anything, she wanted to be at home. With her friends. At her school.

With Pain.

* * *

Okay, I know it's been AGES since my last update, but I had provincial exams and tests and stuff...THANK GOODNESS that's all over...so, now I'll update weekly (at the least), unless I go away, but I shouldn't be away until August...so I think I might finish this story before then!...unlikely, but you never know! the plot's moving along pretty quickly now that school's over... I'll update Provocation later today/tomorrow morning. I just have to go grab my yearbook, and then I'll be back, typing. :D Thanks to everybody who's stayed with this story for so long! And a huge thanks to Fun-Sized-Otaku who made me get up off my ass and type! THANKYOU!


	16. I'm Yours

**I'm Yours**

* * *

So, this is a quicker update than I expected, but I'm gonna be away for a couple days, so there's gonna be a break. I changed the rating on this story to M, because I felt that it's gonna deal with darker stuff for a while, and I thought I should be safe. I know the last chapter and this one are definitely a darker genre, but I just wanted to test it out...plus this is a huge plot thing, if you haven't noticed: CHARACTER DEVEOLPMENT IN SPADES results from this summer vacation. Hope you like it!

I do not own Naruto. Boo hoo.

* * *

"Kakuzu..."

"Yeah?" Pain scuffed his foot on the floor, feeling more than a little awkward.

"...I know you won't say yes, but..." Kakuzu looked straight into Pain's eyes, raising his eyebrows in complete un-surprise.

"Do you need money?" he asked suspiciously. Pain looked away. He had never felt so uncomfortable around Kakuzu before. Asking him for money was like Sasori asking Deidara out...at the start of last year. Pain half-smiled, remembering how often Deidara shot him down...and now they were making out in the hot tub.

"...Yeah, I do." he admitted. Kakuzu frowned and looked away.

"How long has it been since Konan's been gone?" he asked, and Pain counted quickly.

"Almost three weeks. She still hasn't called or anything." he replied. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened to her. Kakuzu considered what Pain had said for a few minutes.

"Okay. I'm worried, too, right?" he said, and Pain nodded. Kakuzu cracked his knuckles casually and continued, "But, I also don't want to spend money if she's fine. Now, Hidan's in Italy right now. He left last week, if you recall, to go visit his Godfather. If you know where Konan's staying, we can call Hidan and get him to drop by, see if everything's okay. If it's not...I've got enough saved for all of us to get a flight to Milan. But not back. There's definitely enough for just you to go there and back, but if you try and leave to get Konan without the others...you'll probably get tackled." Pain grinned and nodded.

"Thanks so much, man! This is great! ...Do I have to pay you back?" he asked, trying to figure out how many years of working at the garage it would take to pay for six flights to Milan. Kakuzu shook his head.

"No. Just don't ask for another twenty years, or you'll break the bank. Besides, I hear the bounty hunting's good over there." Kakuzu said, getting up to get more Coke. Pain grinned and went off to tell the others.

-skip

"It's been two weeks, exactly, Jared. She'd better be what you promised, or we're coming to pick up the full payment. In cash. Yeah we gave her hormones. Listen, Mr A's gonna be here tomorrow, so if he doesn't like what you've given him, and you don't have what you owe him in cash, your head's gonna be added to his collection, got that? ..._Now _you try and bargain this? Listen, no _listen- _your last attempt to do a deal like this failed bad, remember? ...Lucille, remember? And what happened to _her? _...this one's better? She'd better be."

Konan was awake. Sadly; she'd kind of hoped to die in her sleep. Her body sure felt like she ought to; she barely had the energy to open her eyes, let alone move. She continued pretending to be asleep while the man in black (whose name turned out to be Bill) hung up on her father. It hadn't taken her long to realize that 'Jared' was her father's real name. Footsteps came towards her.

She opened her eyes slowly and looked up, glaring at Bill, who was standing over her.

"Ooh, princess, no Evil eyes, please." he said with a wink. Konan closed her eyes and raised her middle finger. Bill laughed and patted her head lightly.

"Time to take the tubes out, doll." Konan frowned, trying not to feel ill as he undid the bandages and worked the tubes out of her. He had taken a liking to her, apparently; he had started to call her irritating pet names.

"Now, don't you worry sugarpie, you won't be chained to the wall for too much longer; we've got to get your strength back up." he said cheerily, and Konan looked at him. She had learned not to try to speak any more; it hurt too much. Bill came back ten minutes later with a hot dog, water bottle, and hot soup.

Konan's stomach grumbled loudly as she stared at the food...that Bill started to eat.

"You...suck." Konan whispered, shutting her eyes as the pressure on her throat increased when she spoke. Bill turned as if he'd heard what she'd said.

"Oh, right, I almost forgot." he said, and he reached into a bag. He brought out a thermos, a carton of milk, and yoghurt. He walked over and sat down in front of Konan. He unscrewed the lid of the thermos, and the smell of hot tomato soup filled her nose. She almost wanted to scream from how much she wanted it.

"I've gotta start feeding you up a bit...those nutriments keep you alive, sure...but they don't do much else." Bill muttered, digging a spoon out of the bag. He raised a spoonful of soup to Konan's mouth. She stared at him. He looked back, confused.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, and Konan rolled her eyes; this guy could be so _completely and utterly stupid! _

"...can't...swallow..." she gasped, breathing as little as possible. Bill smacked his forehead.

"I'm so stupid!" he exclaimed, then reached around to the back of Konan's neck. The strong smell of unwashed man-lathered-in-aftershave hit Konan like a kick to the face. Bill unhooked the choker from around Konan's neck, and it clattered to the floor as Konan coughed and gasped, gratefully inhaling lungfuls of air.

When she'd gotten her breath back, she looked up at Bill, who raised a spoonful of soup to her mouth. As stupid as she felt to be _fed _by this dirty man, she was too hungry to do anything else; she opened her mouth, and he put the spoon in. Okay, not the best-tasting soup ever, but right then it tasted like heaven. Konan would've scarfed down the lot as quickly as she could, but Bill seemed to want to take his time feeding her.

"So, we've never really talked...since you _couldn't_...but I like you, so I'm gonna tell you stuff that...well, I really shouldn't." he said, stirring the soup tantalizingly before Konan's eyes. He raised another spoonful to her lips, and she swallowed it gratefully.

"Not like it matters, right? You're not getting out of here, and pretty soon you're not gonna be able to talk again. So no harm done. To tell the truth," he admitted, rubbing his head before getting another spoonful out. "there's not much to do around here. The other guys don't work around here, and there's nobody to talk to...except you, and you're not much of a conversationalist." he joked. Konan felt like slapping him over the head. Was this guy really so _stupid? _

"Um..." she interrupted, her voice still hoarse, but thankfully it didn't hurt anymore, "I'm kind of starving, here. Can you...please hurry up?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't be offended. Bill looked at her, not sure if she was 'allowed' to be so impertinent, then shrugged and put the thermos itself to her lips. She chugged the soup until she couldn't handle any more. The rest dripped off her chin down her chest.

"You thirsty?" Bill asked, and Konan nodded; the soup was _hot_. He opened the carton and put it to her mouth. She swallowed some, but the carton slipped off her mouth and spilled over her face.

"You're kind of a klutz, aren't you?" Bill commented. Konan shot him a look.

"I am _chained _to a _wall_." she said pointedly. She wasn't afraid of him anymore, she was just afraid of _why _she was there. Bill laughed heartily and opened the yoghurt.

"We'll talk a bit before that." he said, and Konan agreed; after having nothing in her stomach for so long, she already felt queasy from just eating that much.

"Now, we'll play the question game. I ask, you ask. Sounds fair?" he asked, and Konan nodded, unsure what _he _wanted to know, but sure that she wanted to ask why she was there.

"I go first. What's your favourite colour?"

"Um...blue...or purple." Konan said distractedly, and Bill nodded.

"Why am I here?" she asked immediately. Bill chuckled. "Now, that's classified info, doll." Konan stared at him.

"Since when are you allowed to say 'classified' playing the question game?" she asked indignantly.

"Because I'm paid _not to answer _that question, love." Bill responded before thinking up a new question. Obviously he didn't have much imagination; it took him three minutes to ask 'How old are you?'

"Turning sixteen soon." Konan responded.

"Ah..."

"Why does my dad owe you money?" she asked quickly. Bill blinked at her in surprise.

"How do you know about that?" he asked, looking at her suspiciously. Konan rolled her eyes.

"I _heard _you." Bill blinked.

"_Oh._ Well...I guess I can tell you that. Won't make a difference. He owes the boss-"

"Mr A?"

"_Yeah." _Bill said exasperatedly. "He's been in big debt to Mr A for years and years...longer than _you've _been alive, by a long mile. See, your daddy used to be a big gambler...and he won a lot, let me tell you. But one day, he placed a bet against his good friend-"

"Mr A?"

"_Yes._ Stop interrupting. Anyways, so he places this bet, and if he won, he'd get everything Mr A owned plus 100 000 000 in cash. They were betting on the World Cup outcome, years and years ago...and Mr A won. First time in his life that your daddy lost, so he scarpered. Moved abroad, changed his name, got a new business...but Mr A found him. And for years, now, your daddy's been trying to pay him back. But he can't, see, because he lost a lot of money soon after the World Cup, and never got it back.  
And Mr A's property's worth a _lot _more than anything your old man's got. So he tried appealing to Mr A's taste in women...but it didn't work so great, and instead of completing his 'project', he got her pregnant. So now you're here, and you're basically his second experiment. Your daddy's plan is to give you to Mr A, and pay _half _of what he owes." Bill explained, rocking back on his heels.

Konan seriously doubted that he was allowed to tell her this stuff, but the smell of alcohol on his breath kind of explained everything. Her mind was racing; she was more confused than she'd ever been in her life. Her dad...had tried to sell her mother...and her being born was a _mistake?_ Okay...

"My turn!" Bill said, clapping his hands together.

"D'you have a boyfriend?" Konan stared at him, her lips immediately starting to say 'yes', but then she considered what to say.

"...does it matter if I do?" she asked, and Bill shook his head, a nasty grin on his face.

"Nah...not like you'll ever see him again." Konan glared at him and said yes. Bill raised his eyebrows.

"No surprise, you're a much better looker than the kind we normally get down here" he said, scratching his chin.

"Ready for the yoghurt?" he asked, raising the pot of vanilla goop.

"Yeah, please." Konan said, and he put the pot to her lips. She opened her mouth, but he tipped it too much, and most of it dripped down her chin. She rolled her eyes, but gratefully swallowed what had actually gotten into her mouth. Bill stretched.

"My turn." Konan said, and he looked up. "Why are you calling me Andromeda? That's not my name." she said, frowning, worried that maybe she'd been mistaken for some other girl. Bill grinned.

"That's easy. You're your daddy's 'Project Andromeda'. Nobody here knows your real name. Nobody cares, really. We get paid to watch you, 'Andromeda', and make sure you don't die or escape. That's basically it. My turn." he said, and Konan felt a little sick; a project? Was that really all she was to her father? An experiment to pay off his debts?

"Alright. Did you dye your hair? Why's it blue?" he asked. Konan frowned.

"Um...I'm not sure. It's always been blue." Bill nodded and muttered something about 'experimentation on a child...' before taking another swig from his flask.

"My turn," Konan said, and he nodded. "What do you mean, I'm gonna be 'given' to Mr A?" she asked, fearing the worst but hoping she was wrong. Bill sighed.

"Well, I'm not really sure. I've never actually met Mr A myself, but I'd guess he'd either marry you if he likes you enough, or just keep you in his house for fun, if you know what I mean," he said with a wink. Konan did know what he meant. She half-wished that she didn't.

"Anyways," Bill continued, the alcohol talking now, "Your dad wrote up a little contract that Mr A can only keep you for ten years, and then he has to set you free. So if I was you, love, I'd make it worth his while, or he just might get rid of you before the ten years are up, if you know what I-"

"I know what you mean!" Konan exclaimed, irritated. Basically, she was being sold as some kind of sex slave to some old dude who was at least as old as her father, and if she was lucky, she'd be freed when she was twenty six. She couldn't even believe it.

"But, you never know," Bill continued, taking a swig from a hipflask that smelled of ale, "Maybe Mr A won't take you. Your dad said you'd be ready by tomorrow, but the measurements still aren't right." Bill said with a shrug, gesturing to Konan's chest and hips.

"What are you talking about?" Konan asked nervously. Bill seemed to have forgotten that it was his turn.

"Oh, you know...your daddy's been messin' with your body for a while, y'know... doing genetic make-up alterations... He said you knew about that." Konan's expression darkened. "Well...sort of...I just didn't know _why_. He said he was doing stuff to make people want to marry me. I thought it was his hobby or something." she said, glaring furiously at the floor, appalled by her own idiocy in _believing _him and _letting _him do stuff for years. She'd just thought he was weird, not...not _actually _crazy.

"Anyways," Bill continued, wiping his mouth, "this is the final stage. Two weeks on hormones activates it. According to plan, you've become Mr A's ideal woman. Or, you ought to, really soon." Konan couldn't think. She wasn't breathing much anymore, either.

"Are...are you crazy!" she exclaimed as more white yoghurt dripped off her face.

"Not me, love. Not really." he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She was about to tell him to stop it when there was a bang that echoed around the room, and Bill fell forwards onto her.

"Looks like he's been busy." a deeper voice said sarcastically from the entrance. Konan's heartbeat was thundering in her ears, she could feel herself pulsing, her eyes were wide...and Bill was dead, his blood soaking onto her skin.

His dead, wide-eyed face pressed into her chest.

Four men, all wearing black like Bill was, walked slowly into the room. One held a silver pistol. Konan could feel tears of fear slipping down her face. She couldn't move, couldn't speak from terror. There was a dead man on her. His blood was dripping down her. These realizations coupled with the fact that she didn't know what was going to happen terrified her beyond belief. The first man with the gun kicked Bill's body off of her. Konan stared at it, too petrified to look anywhere else. The man bent down in front of her.

Konan looked at him, stiff with terror. His face held no pity. He was stone, with a stiff jaw. He wiped a sandpaper-like finger down her mouth, and inspected the yoghurt.

"Not what we thought, he was feeding her." he said, his voice like gravel. Another man behind him laughed, his cold voice rather high.

"He'd have gone sooner or later. He was almost never sober on duty...he might've said things." he said, and the man in front of Konan snorted. His putrid breath caught in her nostrils and throat, choking her. He _reeked _of really bad cigars.

"Alright, girlie," he said, fixing Konan with a gaze from his ice-blue eyes, "time to go." He took a key from his pocket and undid the shackles holding her wrists to the wall. Her arms fell, the blood painfully returning to her hands. She bit down on her lip as her hands began to tingle and burn.

"On your feet." the man instructed. She tried to get up, but her legs were asleep, and too weak to hold her. She stumbled and fell back down. "Marley, you carry her." the man jerked a thumb towards her, and another tall, large man with a short black beard walked forwards towards her. Silently, he hoisted her off the ground and slung her over his shoulder. Konan didn't protest; her body was weak, and she was more scared than she'd ever been in her whole entire life.

"Let's go." said the first man, who was obviously the leader. They walked out of the small dark room, leaving Bill's body splayed on the ground in a pool of his own blood. More of his blood dripped down Konan's legs, staining the jacket of the man who carried her as they left.

"Put her down." Konan opened her eyes as she was gently laid down on another cold, hard floor. They were in a room identical to the one they'd been in before, down to the pipe running down one side of the room with a vent. But this room had no window at all, and no chains or shackles on the wall.

"You're gonna stay here for a few days. Angelo's flight was delayed, so your daddy's got a few days time. We'll bring you some food later. If you make any noise, we'll put the collar back on. Understand?" the largest man asked coldly. Konan nodded jerkily, and then the door was slammed closed.

In the pitch-black darkness, Konan crawled into a corner and began to cry, screaming silently every so often. More than once she wished to die in her sleep.

-skip.

"Hidan?"

"Hell yeah! Who's this?"

"Who do you think it is, it's Pain, you retard!"

"Oh, yeah. Just kidding! I knew it was you."

"Sure. Where are you?"

"Italy, baby! Fuck yeah! WOOO!"

"I _know_ that...what city?"

"Ah...I have no fucking idea...just a sec, there's a sign here...Rome."

"Okay. Can you get to Milan?"

"Sure, why?"

"Konan hasn't called. I just wanna check she's okay."

"She hasn't called yet? Fuck, it's been weeks!"

"I know."

"Okay, sure I'll check. What's her address?"

"It's on Via Privata Fratelli Gabba, some street right in Milan...It's a big white house, should have a number 213 on it somewhere...can you find it?"

"Fuck yeah. I'm a fucking wizard with directions."

"...uhuh...call when you find it, okay?"

"Got it. See ya."

Pain shut the phone and turned to look at Deidara, who was sitting across from him.

"Do you think she's okay?" he asked, and Pain half-smiled.

"She could be. But if she's not, I'd rather know now then later, right?" Deidara nodded, and gave Pain a sympathetic smile.

"I miss her, too. But I know what you must be feeling right now, un. We'll find her." he promised, and got up to grab a drink from the fridge.

"I know... I'm just worried." Pain murmured, telling himself that she's probably fine...but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

-skip

"She's not here?" Hidan asked, and the surly maid at the door nodded.

"That's right. She left a few days ago."

"Okay...is her dad her?" The maid narrowed her eyes.

"Who are you?" Hidan ran a hand through his hair and smirked.

"I'm Konan's boyfriend." The maid's eyes widened, and she let him in.

"He's in the study, here.." Hidan walked into the large room. A tall, thin man with greying brown hair looked up.

"Who are you?" he asked bluntly, reaching for something under the desk. Hidan grinned, well aware of what he was doing; straight-up lying to somebody who may or may have not kidnapped his own daughter.

"Hey. I'm Konan's boyfriend. Is she here?" he asked casually, watching the older man's movements. The hand under the desk relaxed, and Mr Amega frowned, giving Hidan a once-over. "No. She's not here. Did she tell you that she was?" he asked. Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"She said that she was visiting her mother with you. She was supposed to be back two weeks ago, but I haven't heard anything from her." Mr Amega cleared his throat.

"Well, she went to the airport ages ago. I haven't seen her since." he said, examining his nails. "Okay, then. Do you know where she might have gone, if she didn't get to the airport?" Hidan asked, sticking his thumbs into his belt loops. Mr Amega gave an exasperated sigh.

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but haven't you got anything better to do then come here and bother me? Konan is not here. Can't you text her or something?" he asked, waving a hand vaguely. Hidan smirked and stepped forwards.

"I would, but.." he began, slipping Konan's phone out of his back pocket. "..I found her phone in your garbage bin, along with her bag and ipod. Where is your daughter, Mr Amega? I'm not going anywhere until I know what the fuck happened to her." he said, narrowing his eyes.

Mr Amega's eyes shot straight to the blackberry with a distinct silver 'K' on the back in Hidan's hand. His hand once again shifted under the desk.

"Look," Konan's dad began sternly. "I am just as concerned about my daughter as you are. But we're not on the best terms right now. We went to see her mother, and they had a fight. Konan was upset, and ran away. I'm sure she just abandoned her belongings in my garbage to spite me, because I paid for them. She's probably camping in a park somewhere, that's what she usually does. More to the point, how _dare _you rummage through my garbage? That's personal property, I'll have you up for that, you know!" he said angrily. Hidan raised his eyebrows calmly.

_Looks like Pain's right...something's happened, _he thought grimly. He stepped forward again, now only separated from the other man by his desk.

"That's a funny story, old man. You think she's camping in a park? Your daughter's afraid of the dark. _Why the fuck would she sleep in a park when she's scared of the dark, spiders, and strangers?" _Hidan growled. Mr Amega's frown disappeared, and he raised his eyebrows before pressing a button on the underside of his desk.

"I think it's time to say goodbye, young man." he said calmly as a security guard stepped into the room. Hidan swore at Mr Amega and the guard for a while, but eventually he was kicked out of the office.

"Can I please use the bathroom before I go? I've got a really long bus ride." he said to the maid who was showing him out. She frowned at him, but let him. He smirked and walked off. He locked the bathroom door, and took out his phone.

"Pain?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Well, I met her dad. Fucking prude, he creeps me out..."

"Is she there?"

"No. He said she went to the airport, then changed his story. He says she saw her mom, had a fight with her, ran away, and is sleeping in parks." Pain laughed humourlessly.

"She'd never do that."

"I know, right? This guy doesn't know his daughter at all! Anyway, I found her phone and her bag in the old guy's trash can. I think something's actually happened to her, man." Hidan confessed, checking the corners of the room for cameras or listening bugs. Pain sighed.

"I thought so. Alright, can you stay at an inn or something for one night? We'll be there tomorrow morning. Meet you at..."

"_Corvo Contorto_. It's an inn, I'll be there."

"Okay. See ya." Hidan shut his phone and left. Once he was out the door of Konan's 'home', he caught the bus for downtown Milan.

Despite his confidence that Konan was fine, there was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that something bad was happening.

-next

Konan heard the iron door open and close. There was the sound of a key in a lock. Slow, heavy footsteps came towards her. She didn't raise her head. She felt empty. She was still afraid, but in a numb kind of way. The way children are afraid of a rollercoaster their first time. It's terrifying, it's terrifying, and then the ride breaks down. They're scared, clutching the bar in an unmoving cart. After a while, they're not scared of falling. They're scared that they know that soon the ride will be fixed, and they'll start the ride again.

"Hey, _bella_." a soft husky voice spoke up above her. She didn't move or speak. A hand slid softly down her shoulder.

"You're beautiful." An Italian accent, but not too strong. "It's a shame you're gonna belong to Angelo soon. You're wasted on that old man." Konan shifted slightly; as Bill had promised, she was growing at an alarming rate, and the bra she was wearing under the lace bodysuit was uncomfortable now.

"So I'm gonna play with you now, so you'll know what you're missing when you're with him." Konan raised her head, recognized the man with the beard who had carried her, Marley, and spat in his face. She heard a low chuckle, and she seized up a little with fear when she felt his hands around her shoulders.

"Look at me, darling." She didn't. He roughly shoved a hand under her chin and raised her head. The moment her eyes met his, he slapped her hard across the face. The force sent her head straight into the cement wall she was sitting against. She gasped in pain, and stars exploded before her eyes. Her head was ringing loudly, and she bit her lip to fight the stinging pain her her head.

"Don't sass me. I'm doing you a favour here." the man threatened her before smoothing down her hair. He ran one hand over her breasts, and he undid his fly with the other. Konan let out a dry sob, and he chuckled in genuine amusement.

"Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." Konan began to cry silently, wishing with all her being to be back home, with everyone...with Pain. Pain, who would never do anything to hurt her. Everything about him was the opposite of this man, this wretched monster who was going to do things to her that Pain had never asked to. Konan's crying was cut short when she felt the man's hand between her legs.

"Stop!" she cried out, her voice breaking, and she kicked him in the throat. He fell away from her, coughing and retching. Konan, shocked, pressed herself further into her corner, as if the wall would fall away and let her escape from this locked room. She drew breath in ragged, shuddering gasps, tears falling freely from her eyes.

"You bitch...you'll learn not to protest. I'm going to break you down, you slut," the man said, his eyes alight with malice, the dirty words slipping out of his mouth slowly, as he enjoyed every sound of the hatred they illustrated.

Konan had never hated anyone so passionately in her entire life.

-next

"Hey, you guys made it!" Hidan said, grinning as Pain, Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu walked into the bar that made up the first floor of the inn he was staying in.

"So, what's the plan? We gonna search the entire fucking city?" he asked, and Sasori shrugged, "Well, it's not like we can tell the police. I mean, we _could, _but from what her dad said to you, I doubt they'd look very hard. Plus, is Konan even her real name?" he asked, looking at Pain, who shrugged.

"Well, considering how her dad flat-out lied to Hidan when he asked where she was, I don't think the police would get very far. We can talk to them if we can't find her, but...I don't know about you guys, but I've got a record I'm supposed to be doing time for...so I don't think I should just walk up to the station..." he said, running a hand through his hair.

"Ditto."

"Yeah."

"I think _everybody _here is in the records." Sasori said drily, and they grinned.

"Let's check all the hotels and stuff first." Itachi suggested, and they agreed. "Just a sec, I gotta fix my hair, un." Deidara said.

"Don't take too long, lady, we gotta go." Sasori said teasingly, and Deidara flipped him off as he walked through the bar.

He pushed open the door to the men's washrooms, and stepped over an unconscious guy before passing by a few occupied cubicles. He turned to face the mirror, and began to fix his hair up. The pounding music was a lot quieter in the bathrooms. As he was re-doing his half-ponytail, he frowned. He thought he heard something, some kind of high-pitched sound. He shook his head, glanced around, and continued. And then he heard it again...he frowned, and looked around again.

Everyone else in the bathroom was unconscious or completely stoned. He looked under the sink, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. He got on his knees as the sound got louder. It stopped, then started again. It sounded...kind of like a _scream._ Deidara's eyes widened in surprise. It was kind of...disgusting to grovel around on the dirty floor, but he was really freaked out by the sound. He spotted a dirty drain just in the corner under the sink, half-concealed by an expired lottery ticket.

He wrinkled his nose as he lifted the soggy paper away from the opening, but he forgot his disgust when he heard the scream again. His heart pounded with alarm when he realized the screaming was _coming from the drain..._and even more so when he _recognized _that scream. You don't forget a scream you've heard multiple times throughout a year. Mind racing, Deidara scrambled up, brushed scum off his jeans, hopped over the unconscious guy, and ran through the bar over to the group.

"You took _forever_." Sasori said, rolling his eyes, but Deidara didn't have time to be offended.

"You guys have to come in the bathroom! There's this drain, and there's screams coming out of it, un! And I swear, I think it's Konan, un!" he explained quickly. Everybody stared at him.

"Screams coming out of a _drain_?" Kakuzu asked sceptically, and Deidara nodded vigorously.

"And you think it's Konan?" Pain asked, and when Deidara nodded, he started walking to the bathroom. The rest of the guys followed him. Soon they were all bent-double under the sinks while a drunkard collapsed in a stall watched.

"Just wait, you'll hear it, un..." Deidara said, listening hard. Sure enough, a few seconds later another scream echoed out of the drain opening. Pain stood up, as pale as though he'd seen a ghost. He looked at the others, who all looked pretty shaken. Hidan cracked his knuckles.

"There's a blocked-off entrance to a winecellar under here. Wanna go check it out?" he asked, and they agreed.

They filed through the 'Employees Only' door, and blocked it behind them with chair. At the end of the hallway was indeed a boarded-up door that read 'Wine cellar', with a large neon sign on it that said 'Forbidden'. Pain raised his eyebrows at Hidan, who tore the sign and the slats of wood off before Kakuzu kicked the door down.

"You'd think that would be difficult." Sasori commented as the door flew off its hinges and thundered down a dimly-lit set of stairs behind it. Kakuzu cracked his knuckles and smirked at him.

"I work out." he said simply, and Sasori laughed. Suddenly, shouts and running footsteps resounded from down the stairs. Pain looked at his friends.

"Do you guys have...you know...stuff?" he asked, not sure what to ask. Hidan laughed.

"Fuck yeah!" he said, taking knives out of his belt as Deidara removed some of his explosive clay from his bag. Kisame bashfully took a dagger out of his boot as Pain removed a gun from his jacket.

"Ready?" he murmured as six men in black thundered around a corner below them.

"Let's kick some ass." Itachi said monotonously, and Kisame laughed. One of the men below fired a gun, and the seven boys hid behind the doorframe quickly. The men began running up the stairs. Kakuzu took out the first one up with a solid kick to the chest that sent the other man flying against the opposite wall.

"You guys go ahead," Sasori said, knocking out the third one up with one of the slats of wood.

"Me'n Dei will take these guys and block the door." he said, and Pain nodded, running down the stairs with the others right behind him. Hidan spotted another man running towards the staircase from below, and he jumped off the side, right onto them before slitting their throat. As the man's blood splattered onto his face, Hidan laughed and licked it off his fingers. His laugh was _insane_. The others ran past, and Kakuzu paused to help Hidan up.

"You're crazy." he said as Hidan grinned.

"I know, right? Fucking ape-shit. Jashin, this is _the best!_" he laughed as they ran after the others. Two more men in black began shooting at them, but missed in the darkness.

"Why are there no lights in this place?" Kisame complained as he stabbed one of the gunmen in the chest.

"Have you seen the rooms in here? They're prisons...it's probably to freak out the prisoners." Itachi said reasonably, breaking another man's nose and sending shards of bone into his brain.

"Freaky." Kisame commented, an Itachi cracked a smile. Pain was still ahead of them all, opening door after door, his mind reeling as Konan's face burned before his eyes.

Konan stared down at Marley's corpse. Her chest rose and fell faster and faster as she began to seriously lose it. Her head was pounding nearly as painfully as her heart, and she was beginning to go into hysterics. She had just killed a man. She had just killed somebody. He was _dead. _

She shut her eyes, a few tears leaking from them. She wasn't crying for the man whose neck was still between her legs, she was crying for herself. But after a while, she laughed. She had just killed somebody _twice her size _with her _thighs! _That's the last time _that _guy tries oral...She shook her head, the smile on her face fading as she started to cry harder. She heard footsteps outside the door. _And there's another guard, coming to look for Marley...they'll probably kill me...or something.._ Konan thought miserably, staring down at the dead Marley's face.

Disgusted with herself and taking it out on a corpse, she kicked the body away from herself, shuddering. She felt dirty, with the dead Marley's touch still haunting her shoulders and chest, stomach and thighs. Thankfully he hadn't gotten much further than touching her... She raised her head, jumping in shock and fear as she heard the sound of somebody trying to unlock the door. There was a lot of metallic clicking, during which she pushed the body as far away from herself as possible before retreating back into her dark corner next to the pipe with the vent-like opening.

Finally, the door swung open, and a tall man stepped forward into the room, holding a gun. Konan pressed herself against the wall, and she shut her eyes when she saw the man look at Marley's body. "Broken neck..." she heard the man mutter. She buried her head in her knees, listening hard as her heart pounded furiously, hammering in her ribs. She never knew her heart could beat so fast when she hadn't moved much for the past three weeks.

She heard the footsteps come closer, felt a breath of air escape his lips and brush her skin. She accidentally let out a quiet sob, and flinched when he put a hand on her shoulder.

"There you are. I was really worried about you." And now her imagination was trying to break her heart. Hardly daring to believe her ears, she raised her head just enough to see the face of the man next to her. Orange hair, piercings.

"Are you serious!" she asked, not even sure why. Pain grinned.

"I'm so serious." he replied happily before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, so tightly that Konan could barely breath, not that she was complaining. She began to cry against his shoulder while he rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth. They stayed like that for what felt like a long time. Konan couldn't even think. She couldn't be sure that she wasn't just imagining this, but she lapped up every moment of it like it was holy ambrosia.

"How...how did you find me?" she choked out finally, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Pain sighed against her head, and grinned.

"It was actually easy," he admitted, and Konan blinked, surprised.

"What? _I _even don't know where I am, how did you..?" Pain smiled slightly.

"I think we were just lucky. Hidan went to your dad's house, and asked where you were. He said you'd gone to camp in a park after having a fight with your mom-"

"What?"

"-and we assumed he was lying, so we all came over to meet Hidan in this inn. Deidara went to the bathroom, and heard screaming coming up from a drain...looks like the sound came up the pipe right here," Pain said, glancing up at the large pipe with the small vent-like opening by Konan's head. "...and that's how." he explained, pulling away and looking at Konan's face.

"Speaking of screaming...are you okay?" he asked, examining her features to check that everything was still attatched. Konan shook her head.

"No. I'm hungry. And I killed a guy with my thighs. But right now..." she broke off, fear seizing her again.

"Wait...Angelo's coming! He's coming _now! _What are you doing here, he'll see you, and then everybody else is here, what the hell are we gonna do!" she asked, hysterical, before crying again. Pain frowned as he helped her to her feet.

"Who's Angelo?" he asked, but she didn't answer.

"Can you walk?" he asked, stuffing his gun into his pocket. Konan shook her head, so Pain bent over, and she jumped on and clung to him.

"We better go now. " he said, and Konan nodded, looping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

"Where's everybody else?" she asked, fear gripping her again. Pain grinned as he began to jog along the passage. Konan took one last look at her hellish prison chamber before it vanished from sight around a corner.

"They're holding off the mooks, I think. You sure had a lot of guards. You worth money or something?" Pain asked curiously. Konan sighed, tears still streaming down her face.

"You have _no _idea." she mumbled, and Pain grinned as he turned another corner.

"So your dad-" "He owes this guy Angelo more than ten billion in cash, and he couldn't pay it off. So he tried to create some kind of perfect sex buddy for Angelo, who is probably some kind of perverted freak. So that was my mom, but it didn't work and she ended up pregnant with me. So Daddy tried again with me, and apparently it's worked, and then Angelo came to pick up what Daddy owes, so that's why I'm here, but Angelo's plane was delayed, and that's why I'm still here right now..." Konan explained quickly, her throat constricting every time she said 'Daddy'. She didn't feel right saying that, but calling him anything else would be weird; she'd called him that her whole life.

"...Your dad's kind of..."

"Horrible? Monstrous? Evil? Mean? Heartless?" Konan supplied bitterly.

"...I was going to say weird, but those work better." Pain said, and Konan cracked a tiny smile. She couldn't even say how good it felt to hold Pain, talk to him, touch him, see him...it was like nothing she'd ever experienced, and she had a feeling she'd never feel this way again.

"So, the others are around here?" she asked, and Pain said, "Should be."

All of a sudden, there was a huge bang, and dust and rubble fell from the ceiling. Konan screamed as Pain flung her off of him before pressing her against a wall, shielding her from the debris with his body. He looked up at her after it was over, breathing heavily, his arms on either side of her head. She stared back, panting and weak-kneed.

"That was Deidara." Pain said, offering Konan a weak smile which she returned before jumping back on his back. They raced up the stairs, avoiding bodies everywhere.

"Who did that?" Konan asked as they passed a particularly bloody corpse.

"Hidan." Pain said airily, and Konan laughed weakly. _And I _live _with that guy..._she thought before laughing, feeling sick as they passed another bloody body.

"Hey! You found her!" Sasori said as they emerged from the 'Wine cellar' Konan slipped off of Pain's back and Sasori jumped at her, hugging her fiercely before kissing her full on the mouth. He broke away quickly, leaving her completely gobsmacked, and he grinned before he was pushed aside by Deidara, who also hugged her tightly and kissed her on the mouth.

"Are you going to do that _every time I see you?_" Konan asked, rubbing her mouth as she clung to Pain to help herself stand; her legs were _very _painfully asleep.

"Where're Hidan and Kakuzu? Kisame?" Pain asked Itachi, who also hugged Konan briefly.

"Hidan and Kakuzu went to grab some taxis. They thought we should get away from here as quickly as possible. Kisame went with them." Itachi replied, and Pain nodded. They walked into the bar, where Konan's appearance naturally attracted a lot of attention.

"Hey, you said somebody's gonna be looking for you?" Pain asked Konan, who nodded.

"I think we should switch you with somebody. Just in case," Pain said, and led her into the guy's bathroom, bringing Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi in with them.

"Deidara, can you pretend to be Konan? Somebody's looking for her, and it would be a _lot _easier if they didn't catch her again. Is that okay?" he asked, aware that he was asking a lot of his friend. Sasori started to object, but Deidara nodded.

"Sure. But you have to give me your gun, okay?" he asked, and Pain handed it over with a grin. Konan and Deidara went into a stall to change (there was only one that was devoid of a drunken man, so they had to share) Konan gratefully rid herself of the stupid lace bodysuit, and Deidara handed her his black sweatshirt. Konan put it on before removing her bra and giving it to Deidara who muttered that he didn't want to wear it.

Once it was gone, she sighed with relief; she could _finally _breathe properly. Her stupid bra had been constricting her chest for the past two weeks while the stupid hormones had been activating her dad's stupid mutation experiment. She also took off the black booty shorts, exchanging them for Deidara's black jeans.

"They really made you wear this? How embarrassing, un!" Deidara complained, and Konan laughed, still feeling kind of high and freaked-out. She still couldn't believe she was out of the darkness. The lights of the pub had practically blinded her, and she still wasn't opening her eyes fully.  
She pulled the hood of Deidara's sweater down over her head to create a shadow on her face, which made it a lot easier. She and Deidara emerged from the stall, she looking like some kind of misfit in tight jeans (her hips were a _lot _wider than Deidaras, by then).

Deidara was _not _happy. He'd put on Konan's bra, and told her to shut up when she'd said it looked better on him than on her. He undid his hair, and the long sheets of dark-blonde certainly made him look more feminine, hiding his flat chest. Sasori whistled at Deidara, who scowled as they walked out of the bathroom.

As soon as they stepped out, they could tell something had happened; it was completely silent. Everybody was gone, except for five people; Konan's father, being held at gunpoint by a large man in black sunglasses. Two more men in black stood grimly on either side of another man, who stood in the middle with his hands behind his back. He wore a black business suit and he had a rather boyish face under curly grey hair. His large brown eyes took in the group.

"I suppose this is the rescue attempt I was told about, eh?" he asked, looking from Sasori, Pain, Itachi, and Konan...to Deidara. Konan's knees were shaking and she was still clinging to Pain to stay upright, but Deidara didn't look too confident, either. He was staring at the guy who was obviously Angelo with a mixed expression of disgust and nervousness.

"You must be Andromeda," Angelo said, stepping forwards and kissing Deidara's hand. Konan could see his other hand flinching before turning into a fist, and she guessed that Deidara was trying not to slap Angelo across the face.

"I am Toni Angelo. I must say, I am delighted to make your acquaintance. You most certainly are not what I was expecting..." he said, shooting one of his bodyguards a look; They took out a silver pistol and shot Konan's dad in the chest. He dropped to the floor. Konan shoved her fist into her mouth to stop herself from screaming. "...but you do look wonderful." Angelo continued as if nothing had happened.

Deidara's hand was visibly shaking. Sasori was watching Deidara with an intense gaze, watching for any sign of Angelo hurting him. Pain squeezed Konan's hand. She leaned against him and began to cry silently into her shoulder, not taking her eyes off of her father's body, lying bloody on the ground. Angelo smiled greasily and placed a hand on Deidara's chest. The expression on his face when he discovered that Deidara was too flat to _possibly _be a sixteen-year old girl would have been hilarious if the situation hadn't been so serious.

"But...it's impossible. You! You're not my payment...Where's Andromeda?" he asked, shoving Deidara away. Sasori caught him, shooting Angelo a death glare. Angelo surveyed the group of teenagers, narrowing his eyes.

"No woman has left this inn. She must be here." he muttered, examining Itachi, then Sasori, then Pain. Finally he stopped at Konan. She kept her eyes lowered, her nails digging into her palms from nerves. She had no idea what was going to happen. No idea, and that scared her more than anything. Angelo slowly reached forward and pulled the hood off Konan's head. Her blue hair bounced out, and she shut her eyes to the light. Angelo began to smile. He placed a hand on Konan's chest, and his smile increased tenfold.

"Found you, my pretty." he said, and his hand began to squeeze. There was a bang, and then another. Konan was shoved to the floor, and she hit her head on the wall. Pain shot through her and she struggled to sit up, panicking. There were shouts and bangs and thuds, and she tried to focus her vision, but she was still dizzy. She got to her feet and rubbed her eyes, opening them in time to see a man in black throwing himself at Pain from behind.

Konan screamed and ran, not even sure what she was going to do until she jumped on his back and slapped her hands over his eyes, mouth and nose. The man immediately released Pain and started stumbling around, twisting and spinning, trying to get Konan off. She clung on, not moving her hands. The man ran backwards at a wall, slamming Konan's back and head into it. She gritted her teeth, not letting go. He did it again and again, and Konan's head continued to crack into the concrete wall, but finally the man ran out of air.

He sank to the ground, and Konan rolled off of him, rubbing her throbbing head. It felt sticky, and her hair was stuck together by something. She looked at her hand and saw blood She couldn't stand, her back hurt too much, and she felt dizzy and sick. She tried to see what was happening, but her vision was too blurry. She saw her father's body just to her right, and she crawled over to him.

"Daddy?" she asked. He was miraculously, still alive. Blood dripped from his mouth and was stained over his shirt, but her looked at her.

"Konan...I'm so sorry." he said, his voice hoarse and watery, full of blood. Konan couldn't help it; she started to cry, but she soon ran out of tears.

"Daddy...why?" she asked hoarsely. He closed his eyes.

"Your mother poisoned herself last week. She's dead." he said before opening them. Konan stared at him.

"What?" she asked, but he didn't say anything more about it.

"Konan...I did rather like you." he said softly, and then he was still. Konan stared at the dead face of her father, stunned and feeling empty. She closed his eyes, and turned around. Sasori was lying on the ground, with Deidara, Pain, and Itachi kneeling around him.

"No.." Konan murmured, crawling towards them. Pain put an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She leaned against him before pulling away in horror; her cheek was covered with blood.

"Not mine." he said quietly, and she looked down at Sasori. His shoulder was bleeding heavily; there was a bullet buried in it. He was awake, and obviously fighting the pain as he held Deidara's hand and smiled at him.

"Come on, don't cry," he was saying, "I'll be fine." Deidara kept shaking his head, his face hidden by his long bangs, but Konan could tell he was crying.

"We'd better get to a hospital...those cabs must've come by now." Pain said as they helped Sasori up. Konan leaned on Pain as they walked through the inn doors out into the fresh night air. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame turned around and their jaws dropped when they saw Deidara's outfit...and then Sasori's bleeding shoulder and Konan's bleeding head.

"What the fuck happened?" Hidan asked.

"I'm surprised you didn't heart anything." Pain said with a small smile before he saw that they had earphones in. Pain rolled his eyes. "Basically, Angelo turned up to take Konan away. He shot Konan's dad...and there was a little fight." he explained as they helped get Sasori into the taxi.

"Wow. Well, this summer vacation officially sucks." Kisame commented, and they laughed half-heartedly.

* * *

Phew! Definitely a lot darker than what I usually do...not sure if I'm any good at writing more serious stuff, but I tried! Plot-no-jutsu: complete! :D


	17. Hungry Eyes

**Hungry Eyes**

* * *

Sorry this update was later than I thought! I wanted to have a little more time to make sure the love scene was, at least, readable, not that that's a word. I'm sorry it's not very graphic or sexy or anything like that, but i did my best. Please read this with low expectations! I'll update soon, I promise. -S. Nova

* * *

The first few days after the death of Mr Angelo were a blur. Konan remembered events in chunks rather than moments. She remembered the taxi ride to the hospital; it had smelled sharply of blood, and Deidara hadn't stopped crying.  
Not that he was the only one: there was hardly a dry eye in that cab as Sasori faded in and out of consciousness, bleeding profusely.  
Pain had taken off his t-shirt and had wrapped it over the wound to staunch the flow of blood. Konan remembered how they'd all begged the driver to switch the radio off when _I will remember you _started playing.

That song had always made Konan cry, no matter what; _Don't let your life pass you by/ Weep not for the memories _was, to her, the saddest line in musical history. If you don't weep for the memories, what are you supposed to do with the pain that poisons your heart, along with the loss that suffocates you like a blanket of emptiness? As soon as they got to the hospital, Deidara had shoved a couple hundred dollar bills at the cab driver, not caring at all how much he overpaid.

They rushed in, and Sasori was immediately wheeled off to the ER. Konan knew that she could never forget sitting in that waiting room. She thought of everyone who had ever waited in a hospital waiting room, worried, stressed, tired, and frightened; Husbands of women giving birth, the children and family of those who have had a heart attack...feeling completely useless as their loved one fought through pain and fear alone, except for strangers in white coats.

Konan shook her head slowly and curled up against Pain, burying her face in his shoulder. He put his arm around her. She cried, but she was all out of tears. She fell asleep. I would like to say that she dreamed of picnics, Sasori wiping off the blood and saying 'Kidding!', of cigarette smoke clouding over a riverboat, but she didn't, so I can't. Her dreams blurred and combined, as Sasori's funeral was interrupted by Deidara blowing himself up over the coffin blurred and dissolved into her mother, cold, pale, and her father making love to the corpse before it became a swarm of butterflies, which her father slammed in books and labelled as 'whore', 'bitch', 'cunt', and 'monster'. Konan tried to talk to him, to hit him, _anything, _but she found herself trapped in a pale white net in a desert. Marley dragged himself towards her. He was dead, and rotting, his neck at a terrible angle. He pointed a pale, swollen finger at her, and Konan screamed.

She woke up with a start, shuddering and quite disturbed. She looked around the room. There was an old couple talking quietly in a corner, a father and two children playing scrabble next to them, then Hidan and Kakuzu sleeping across from them, leaning on each other.  
Kisame was leaning against the vending machine, Itachi reading a book close by. Pain was asleep, so Konan got up carefully, so as not to wake him up. She stood up, pain in her legs as she stretched them, and looked all around the room. Deidara was gone.

Because she had just had a dream in which Sasori died and Deidara killed himself, her heart began to beat faster. She jogged to the assistance counter and asked the woman there, pregnant with watery blue eyes, if she'd seen a blonde girl (better to say girl than 'a boy who looks like a girl in a lace body suit, shorts, and bra') around her height wearing black lace leave the room.  
The woman said that 'she' had left an hour ago for the smoking-permitted balcony. Konan thanked her and walked towards the door, fearing what she might find; Deidara didn't smoke, so...

She pushed the door open and stepped out into the cool night air. It was around two am, and there weren't too many cars on the streets below. She looked up and down the balcony, but couldn't see Deidara. Hands shaking, she walked towards the edge of the balcony fence, and looked down. Nothing but darkness.

"Are you looking for me?"  
Konan whirled around. Deidara, hidden in darkness, was sitting on the bench behind her.

"Thank God," Konan sighed, falling onto him and hugging him, relief flooding her. He rested his head on her shoulder. She didn't say anything as she felt tears drip onto her. She held his hand, knowing that there really wasn't _anything _that she could do to make him feel better. She wasn't even sure how to cheer herself up.

"What do you think happens when people die?" she asked him, looking up at the starless sky. Deidara shook his head.

"I don't know. I've never really thought about it, un. But there's heaven and hell, right?"

"There are also ideas that you're reborn as something else. It could be a worm, or it could be a king, depending on how 'good' you are in this one."

"Oh. Why'd you ask?" Konan closed her eyes.

"I always believed in heaven and hell. But...whenever I actually think about 'living forever', I'd much rather just go to sleep and not wake up again. Because life is tiring, and...I wouldn't _want _to live forever. I'd rather just die." she said softly, and Deidara looked at her. Her eyes were threatening to spill over with tears, but she was trying hard to stop them.

"Do you think he's gonna die?" he asked in such a tone that Konan couldn't tell if he was accusing her or worried. Konan just decided to be honest.

"I don't think he's going to die. He's got too much to live for. You, for example." she said, smiling slightly, and Deidara closed his eyes, but smiled a little, too.

"Do they know how serious it is?" Konan asked, and Deidara sighed, shaking his head slowly. When he spoke, his voice was far away and unnatural.

"The last thing they said was that there had been 'complications', and that now, instead of an 80% chance, there's only a 40% chance that he'll live, un."  
Konan froze, shocked.

"What? What 'complications'?" she asked, now taken aback at how Deidara had managed to cope with this by himself for so long. He squeezed Konan's hand, and she knew he was afraid.

"When you and the others were asleep, they came in and said that the bullet had clipped a main artery, just near the shoulder, so he was losing a _lot _of blood, un. That's when they said 90%. Ten minutes later, it was 80% because it would be a difficult surgery.  
An hour later, it was 40%. The bullet (which they'd removed) was impregnated with some kind of chemical they didn't recognize. After a couple quick tests, they said they found out that it spreads through the blood system, infecting the body with poison.  
So now...they're trying to isolate the infected blood, remove it, and replace it, un. But I bet they're gonna come along any time now and say 30%. Then 20%. Then 10%. Then...nothing." his voice cracked and he leaned against Konan, who stroked his hair.

"Hush," she said, kissing the top of his head, but she knew he was crying, and she was, too.  
"He'll be fine. He'll be fine." she said quietly, but she didn't even believe herself.

Konan woke up a second time to a knock on the door to the smoking area.  
A nurse.  
Deidara was on his feet faster than Konan could open her eyes.

"What's happened?" Deidara asked as soon as he opened the door. The nurse took a look at her clipboard.

"The doctors were unable to contain the contaminated blood." Deidara stared at her. Konan got up and put her arms around him, before asking what would happen. The little nurse looked sympathetically at them.

"There is one way we can stop the worst from happening, but it's not certain...It's really a ballpark move." she said, and Deidara nodded.

"What is it?" he asked urgently, and the brunette answered, "One of the doctors, Dr Monticelli, has been working on an experiment for many years, and he says that it will work, but it hasn't been tested yet. In theory, it should permanently stop the spreading of the infection. According to Dr Monticelli's papers and the tests he's done on animals, there is a 50% chance that it will work."

"We'll do it, un." Deidara said immediately, and she asked if they wanted to know the side affects, to which Konan said yes.

"It's a rather unstable procedure, so he may not make it. Also, afterwards there may be permanent effects on his body. For example, he may not physically mature as quickly as he should, or perhaps he may not grow at all. This is the main after-effect observed by Dr Monticelli, and the others vary from species to species".  
Konan nodded and the nurse walked away. The door closed behind her, and Konan looked at Deidara. She wanted to ask if he was sure, but she didn't have the heart to. They went back to the bench and sat hand-in-hand, waiting in silence.

The sun rose hesitantly. Deidara watched the birds flying over the city as the first light of the sun lit the clouds. He was hungry, but ignored it. He felt rather hollow, actually.  
Konan was asleep against him. He was remembering a conversation with Sasori from months ago.  
It had been dark, past midnight, and they had been lying side-by-side in Deidara's bed, talking and listening to some old cd of Sasori's.

_"What would you do if I died?"_

_"That's not funny, un."_

_"I know it's not. But if I died tomorrow, would you act differently than if I died when I'm seventy?"_

_ "...I guess I'd be more shocked."_

_"Uh huh?"_

_"...I probably wouldn't get over it for a long time, un."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because...if I lived, and I graduated, and bought a car and a house...I'd always be thinking that you could have been doing the same thing, but you can't, un. I'd feel bad my whole life." _Sasori had rolled over to look at Deidara. He was grinning.

_"Really? How nice." _Deidara shoved him, and Sasori laughed, rolling over again and wrapping an arm around Deidara's waist before kissing his neck.

_"I know this sounds selfish-"_

_"You always sound selfish, un." _Deidara retorted, earning himself a sharp poke.

_"I was saying, it would be nice if you were sad when I died. Do you know what I mean? I think everyone who knows they're dying tells people 'let it go, forget me, be happy, move on', but I honestly think I'd rather you be miserable and upset." Deidara shoved him away again, grinning. "You're right, that did sound selfish, un." _Sasori laughed and rolled back over.

_"Well, what would you do if I died tomorrow?" _Deidara asked. Sasori turned and glared at him_. "Don't say that. I think I'd die." _he said before rolling back ove_r._

Deidara had watched him, lost in thought until he, too, drifted off to sleep.

"Excuse me?"

Deidara looked up. The nurse was back, holding two cups of coffee. Deidara leapt to his feet, and Konan woke up.

"What happened?" he asked urgently. The nurse smiled.

"He survived the surgery." she said. Deidara stared at her. He felt like he was in the twilight zone...he felt quite detached, actually. Konan jumped to her feet, relief flooding her.

"Seriously? He's okay?" The nurse handed them both the coffee, honest happiness apparent on her face.

"Well, he's still in a critical condition, and for the next two weeks, anything could happen...but he is relatively stable. He's breathing on his own, which is quite honestly, a miracle. You can go see him now, as long as you don't stress him or move him. He needs a _lot _of rest."  
Deidara was already through the door before she finished speaking.  
Konan followed him, shook Pain awake, and they walked (there was a 'No Running' sign) down the hall, following Deidara who was _clearly _running, to Sasori's room.

Deidara looked through the small window on the door. He could see dark red hair through a gap in the blue curtains surrounding the bed. Heart thudding against his ribs, he pushed the door open and walked in. He was slightly afraid of what he might find.

The nurse had said 'critical', but what did 'critical' even _mean? It means he's alive, _Deidara thought, and walked quietly to the bed. He didn't dare open the curtains; he sat down on a chair he'd moved so he could see Sasori's head. It was turned the other way, so Deidara couldn't see his face, but he could hear him breathing. He sat there quietly, marvelling at how miraculous something as mundane as _breathing _could be.

"Open the curtains, stupid." Sasori's voice said loudly. Deidara almost jumped out of his skin: when he'd imagined 'critical condition', he _hadn't _imagined Sasori speaking so strongly with his normal attitude.

"You're awake?" Deidara asked, standing up and drawing back the curtains. He tried to hide how his hands were shaking. Sasori turned his head to face Deidara, who stared at him. His skin was paler than usual, and there were shadows under his eyes, but other then that...

"You look...fine." Deidara said, so surprised, he was completely blunt. Sasori snorted.

"_Thanks_. Where's everybody else? They're supposed to be crowded around my sickbed." he said, looking around the empty room.

"Most of them are asleep. Konan's-" The door opened, and Konan and Pain walked in. Konan stared at Deidara, then at Sasori. Pain stared at Sasori's face, then his shoulder, taking in the huge bandage that was sticking out from under the blankets.

"Are you okay?" Konan asked, grabbing two chairs and putting them down next to Deidara before looking worriedly at Sasori, who sighed.

"Oh, you know...I feel kind of drained, cut open, sewn back together and genetically altered..."

"WHAT?"

"Kidding. I feel numb. They gave me pain killers." he said with a grin, and the other three sighed with relief. A few minutes later, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu arrived. They had a huge bouquet of flowers, which _all _of them denied having ordered (actually it was Hidan), and more coffee.

"So, how long are you gonna be in here?" Itachi asked, sipping his coffee. Sasori sighed.

"Well, I _have _to stay for at least two weeks. If something goes wrong, longer, if not...about three weeks. They want to keep me in the hospital for a week extra, just in case." he said, obviously irritated; he hated having to wait.

"So that's until...the first week of July or something?" Kisame asked, and Konan nodded; she'd asked the nurse on the way.

"What are you guys going to do? Do you have any money to get back home?" Sasori asked, propping himself up on his elbows, wincing. Pain shook his head, but Konan nodded.

"I've got money." she said, and Kakuzu looked at her.

"How much?" "I got my allowance the day before I came." she answered, and he nodded; everyone knew that Konan's posted allowances were few and far between, and the sum was irregular, but usually above five thousand dollars. Not that she spent it, usually.

"Good." Sasori said with a sigh. The nurse walked in and ushered everyone out, but Deidara had fallen asleep, and she couldn't wake him up, so she left him there. She shut the door behind herself, and walked to the doctors' lounge while the others walked back to the waiting room.

"You're not asleep, are you?" Sasori asked after a few minutes. Deidara didn't move. Sasori sighed and watched him sleep until a doctor came in to give him more pain killers.

"This one will make you sleepy." the doctor said, and Sasori nodded. A few minutes later, the doctor left. Deidara opened his eyes and sat up. He had never really been asleep, he just didn't want to leave. He stood up and walked over to Sasori's bed, dragging his chair with him. He sat down and rested his head on his arms, on the mattress next to Sasori, who sleepily looked at him accusingly.

"I thought you fell asleep."

"You're gullible, un." Deidara said, but he really meant to say 'Thank God you're alive, I love you, don't leave me.' Sasori smiled slightly, and it was clear he was falling asleep.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Deidara asked, running his eyes again over the thick bandages around Sasori's shoulder.

"M'okay. It's cute, though...you're worried about me." Sasori said sleepily, and Deidara ran his hand through Sasori's messy red hair.

"Of course I am, stupid. Of course I am, un."

"Deidara..." Deidara looked up. Sasori was almost asleep, he was fighting to keep his eyes open.

"What?" Deidara asked, leaning closer to hear him. Sasori raised his head, bringing his hand up from under the blankets.

"What?" Deidara asked again, leaning closer. Sasori grinned, pulled Deidara's head down and turned it, and kissed him. Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep, keeping a loose grip on Deidara's hand.  
Deidara stared at him before sitting down again, holding his hand. He grinned and leaned back, knowing that it would be a long, long night.

"I'll get us hotel rooms," Konan said, turning on her cellphone, which Hidan had returned to her.

"How are you gonna pay for this?" Kisame asked, and she smiled slightly.

"They'll charge it to the family accounts. It's fine, trust me. I'm sure that even Daddy, as in debt as he was, still had more than enough left for a couple nights in a proper hotel." She searched through her contacts until she found the _Marriott Hotels _number.  
She normally stayed in those when her father was away, and they were reasonably tricky to find in Yellow Pages.

"Oh, first...how many of you guys need a place to stay?" she asked, looking around. Pain raised his hand. Kisame said that he'd probably stay another night then head back. Itachi said he was going to go and visit Sasuke, who was on a trip to London, the next morning.

"We're going bounty hunting." Kakuzu said, and Hidan nodded. Konan couldn't help herself, she snorted with laughter.

"_Bounty hunting? _Do people still do that?"

"Of course. You just have to know who to talk to."

"And you guys know?"

"I do," Kakuzu said, and ended the conversation. Konan returned to her call, reserving two rooms.

Half an hour later found Kisame, Konan and Pain in a taxi, heading downtown to the nearest Marriott. "So..." Konan began, knowing that she probably shouldn't ask, but she was curious...

"What?" Kisame asked, and she bit her lip.

"Are you...why aren't you going with Itachi?" Kisame blinked at her.

"Why would I?"

"Well..." Awkward turtle moment. "Is there a reason you're not going with him?"  
Kisame looked confused.

"Uh...I'd rather go home than with him to London?"

"Oh. But aren't you...you know...together?"  
Kisame stared at her. Then he started to laugh. Konan felt more awkward than she'd felt in a long time.

"No, we're not! Where'd you get that idea?" he asked, still laughing. Pain glanced at Konan, grinning. Clearly _he _had never been mistaken about Kisame and Itachi's relationship. Konan felt pretty darn foolish.

"But...well...he's always in your room! And...you know...you're all...close and stuff!" Kisame grinned toothily.

"The heating in his room doesn't work, so he sometimes comes in my room. We're just friends, you know. And we're only 'close' because he's a quiet person, you know.  
He doesn't talk that much to people he doesn't know well, and we've known each other for a long time. That's it! Did you seriously think an _Uchiha _would be with _me? _Hah!" Kisame said, ending the conversation very awkwardly.

"Oh...sorry..." Konan said, and Kisame laughed, patting her on the arm.

"_I'm _sorry you've had the wrong idea this whole year, silly girl." he said, getting out of the cab as it stopped. Konan and Pain followed him out, and the two boys followed Konan as she walked up to the front desk.

"Amega and two guests." she said, and got two room keys. She walked back to them, and Kisame raised his eyebrows.

"_Two _keys? I take it you and me will be sharing, then?" he asked teasingly to Konan who scowled. "Well ex_cuse _me, but this isn't exactly cheap!"

"You're telling me?" Pain said, looking around the large entrance hall. Kisame grinned.

"What's wrong with a motel?" Kisame asked as they walked up the staircase to their rooms. Konan scowled.

"I don't like motels. I was afraid of this one awful motel when I was younger, and...this place has really nice bathrooms." she admitted, and Pain and Kisame glanced at each other as they followed her up the stairs.

"You know what...I'd forgotten! Deidara's still wearing a bra!" Kisame said, and Konan and Pain laughed, feeling quite sorry for the poor blonde boy.

"Honestly, the worst was that lace bodysuit thing. So itchy!" Konan sighed as they turned down the corner and stopped in front of rooms 231 and 232.

"'Night," Kisame said, and opened the door to 231. Konan looked at Pain, who raised his eyebrows and smiled back. She opened the door, and followed Pain in. He switched on the lights.

"Did they give us a honeymoon suite?" Pain asked, and Konan awkwardly said that she wasn't sure. There was only one bed, and it was _huge. _The bathroom, as Konan had hoped, was as nice as she'd thought, with a large bathtub.

"Wow! Look, it's got _lions!_" Pain said, staring at the open lion mouths where water came out.

"I know, isn't this fun?" Konan exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the bed. She knew that she'd feel bad later, but at that moment, spending who knows how much of her father's (now officially revealed as being _illegal_) money was really fun.

"Woah, that's the biggest TV I've ever seen!" Pain exclaimed, joining Konan on the bed, staring at the opposite wall where an enormous screen hung from the wall.

"I know! And they have a _full-sized fridge!_" Konan said, running over to the stainless-steel kitchen unit and opening the fridge...which already had champagne in it! She found a card on the table and opened it. "Happy Honeymoon." She sighed, and picked up the phone to call reception.

"What?" Pain asked, coming over and sitting on the table next to her. She looked at him, disappointed.

"This_ is _a honeymoon suite. I didn't pay for this!" she said, and Pain patted her on the back.

"It's okay. Just see what they say. Maybe it's not a mistake." Konan dialed the number and waited.

"Hello, customer service?"

"Hi, this is Konan Amega, room 232. I found a card saying that this is a honeymoon suite, but it's not what I paid for." she explained reluctantly; it was a _really nice _room. The receptionist shuffled a few papers.

"Yes, that's right. A couple had booked room 232 for their honeymoon, but at the last minute cancelled their reservation just before you called. It's our last open room, but tomorrow room 231 will be open, and you will have to switch rooms for the rest of your stay here. But tonight, room 232 is the same price as our regular rooms."

"Oh, okay. Thanks!" "Good night." Konan put the phone down.

"Well?" Pain asked, and Konan grinned.

"We get to stay here for tonight, and it's not extra!" Pain grinned, and scooped her up, carrying her, laughing, over to the bed, where he dumped her down and jumped on, laughing. Konan laughed, trying to move with Pain lying over her stomach.

"Hey, do you want to get some food?" he asked, and Konan nodded, only then realizing that she was starving.

"I'll go see what Kisame wants. Knowing him, I'd bet...Japanese. Is take-out okay?" Pain asked, getting up.

"Yeah, it's fine. You want me to pay?" she asked, and Pain shot her a look, grinning.

"Konan. You've paid for two rooms in one of the most expensive hotels in the city, and you're going to pay for Sasori's hospital bills, including the procedure. I think I'd feel like a total asshole if I didn't pay for some _takeout._" he said, and Konan laughed as he left the room.  
She rolled over and accidentally hit a button on the headboard with her knee.

Immediately, _Take my breath away _began playing softly out of some speakers disguised in the bedside table lamps. Konan snorted and pushed the button again. Instead of turning off, it switched to _I want to know what love is. _Konan rolled over and closed her eyes.  
Immediately the face of Marley, dead between her legs, flashed in her mind.

She opened her eyes, feeling sick." _Your dad said you'd be ready by tomorrow, but the measurements still aren't right_."  
"_...your daddy's been messin' with your body for a while, y'know... doing genetic make-up alterations..."_ _Two weeks on hormones activates it. According to plan, you've become Mr A's ideal woman. Or, you ought to, really soon." _  
Konan rolled over and clapped her hands over her ears, even though she knew that doing that wouldn't stop her mind from digging up horrible thoughts..._she was changing...she was changing even now..._

She got out her phone and texted Deidara. _I need to talk to you. _A few minutes later, he replied; _what's up? _Konan thought what to say. She wasn't even sure herself; her mind was a big messy jumble of thoughts, memories, false images, and emotions.

She shook herself a little, then texted back; _I need advice. _A few minutes later; _sure. What? _She bit her lip. She wasn't even sure 'what' herself.  
After a few minutes, she texted; _If you were thinking about doing something...and you knew that if you didn't do it right now, it might never be the same again, would you do it even if...even if you knew that maybe you shouldn't?_

Deidara took a little longer to respond, and when he did, Konan sighed. _I would, but it depend what you mean 'you shouldn't'. If you think that it would be worse if you did do it than if you didn't, don't. If not...why not? Make babies, do whatever. Just don't...die. _Konan laughed and rolled over. She texted back 'thanks' and switched off her phone.

The music was still playing, a different song now. She recognized it, an oldies one that Sasori always played back home. She listened to the words, trying to hear what the singer was saying. _When your baby leaves you all alone/ And nobody calls you on the phone /Ah, don't you feel like crying?/ Don't you feel like crying?/ Well here I am my honey/ Oh, come on you cry to me._

Konan smiled, remembering how Deidara had told her once that it was his favourite song. She had always wondered why, but now that she listened to it properly, it sounded like the kind of song she'd love to hear in a bus when it was raining outside and she was alone. It was the kind of song that could stand alone and make the listener feel...not so alone. And not happy, but not quite sad.

She sighed and rolled over again before asking the question that had been subtly torturing her mind for the past...well, 12 hours. The song ended. Snow Patrol came on. _Just say yes... _Konan snorted at the irony, and pulled on Deidara's boots, leaving a note and walking out the door.

"Hey, Konan! There was a huge traffic jam, but I brought some food..." Pain stopped talking. He put the steaming take-out bags down on the kitchen counter and walked forwards, looking curiously at Konan.

"What's up?" he asked, walking forwards slowly, his hands in his pockets. Konan looked up, now completely sure what she _wanted _to do...just not sure that she _could _do it. She got off of the bed took a step towards Pain.

"Hey,..." "Yeah?" She stepped closer again. _I wanna know what love is _started playing out of the stereos as Konan walked around Pain before pulling his shirt off.

"Are you coming onto me?" he asked teasingly, turning around and sliding his hands up Konan's waist, lifting her up in a hug. He pretended to stagger backwards and fell onto the bed. Konan straddled him and bent over, kissing down his neck. With one hand, she reached for his belt buckle. Pain wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her off. He sat up, and so did she.

"What are you doing?" he asked, as if she was playing a game and he was finally giving in. Konan blushed and looked at her feet.

"...nuthin'..." she mumbled, and Pain laughed humourlessly before flipping her over, pinning her down on the bed.  
Konan's heart sped up with perverse excitement.  
She didn't look at his face, his expression was too unreadable. She looked instead at his exposed torso, taking in the metal that occasionally interrupted the pale, smooth skin over his visible muscles.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her quietly, and Konan looked into his eyes.

"For that matter, did you go shopping?" he asked, looking down at Konan's little black dress. She couldn't think, she wasn't even sure how to answer him.  
She wasn't sure she could speak anymore. He stopped her with a hand, turning her chin to look at him again.

"Seriously, please talk to me. It's already hard for me not to just jump you right now, but I would like to know _why_." he said, poking at humour.  
Konan felt a small amount of satisfaction knowing that he was, at least, having difficulty resisting her amazing plan. She blew some hair out of her face and took his hand, tracing the lines on his palm as she answered.

"You know how my daddy injected me with...stuff that would make me change?" Pain's expression grew dark. "Yes. Did something happen?"he asked, and Konan shook her head.

"Nothing, but...well, yes. I mean, I'm changing...already I went up a bra size and things...but..." Pain rolled off of her and sat up, looking at her seriously. She continued, still tracing his hand.  
"I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I'm changing..._quickly. _I'm becoming somebody that I don't know."

"You're still-"

"I know it's just physical, but still. I don't recognize 'Andromeda'. I don't _know_ her, and honestly, I don't _like _her. I fell in love with you in _this _body. And that's why...I want you. While I'm still me, I want you. Right now." she said, meeting his eyes. He seemed like he was trying to restrain himself. He looked away, absent-mindedly running his finger up and down her foot.

"Are you sure?" he asked finally, and she nodded.

(**Listen to Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen for the next bit, please**)

"Yes. Make love to me, please." she said, feeling more confident by the minute. A familiar song softly began playing out of the speakers.  
Pain looked at Konan again, testing her with his gaze. She looked back steadily. He got up off the bed, smiling ever so slightly, and raised his hand. She took it, and he pulled her off the bed into a hug.

"I love you." Pain said quietly, and Konan nodded. She backed away a step and unzipped her dress. She pulled it over her head and dropped it onto the floor. Pain was watching her, his thumbs in his pockets, his own shirt already discarded. Pain stepped towards her, and kissed her.  
She kissed him back, wrapping he rarms around his neck. He slid his hands up and down her waist and back before expertly tugging on the ribbon at the back of Konan's black lace bra. It came off, and Pain discarded it next to Konan's dress.

He scooped her up and lay her down on the bed, not breaking the kiss once. Finally, he pulled away and looked down at her. Konan didn't feel embarrassed. She looked back confidently, and Pain smiled slightly, running a finger softly from her collarbones, between her breasts, down her stomach, to the hem of her panties.  
They looked at each other.

_I've got this feeling that won't subside. I look at you and I fantasize...you're mine tonight. Now I've got you in my sights... With these hungry eyes. One look at you and I can't disguise, I've got hungry eyes... _

"Deidara likes this song." Konan said randomly, and Pain laughed before bending over again and kissing down her neck slowly. Konan undid his belt and unzipped his pants. He kicked them off, and they lay sprawled on the floor next to Konan's dress and bra.

"Hey.." Konan said, amazed that her voice was already a little breathless. Pain looked up at her.

"Do you have..." she began, but Pain grinned at her and held up a condom.

"Clever boy. Continue, please." Konan said with a smile, and Pain bit down on her neck, making her squeak.

"Not so superior now, are we?" he said with a grin, kissing the bitemark on her skin. Konan sighed and ran her hands through his hair as he bent lower and lower, kissing down her stomach, over her bellybutton piercings, until he finally met her eyes and tugged her panties off. She held her breath but kept her gaze focused on Pain's face.

"Konan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Just...I love you." he said, and Konan stared at him; he looked _embarrassed. _

"I love you more." she said, and he grinned at her.

"No way."

"Yeah!"

"Impossible!"

"You'd better start believing!" she said before gasping and blushing. He grinned, the tip of his index finger on her clit.

"I win." he said simply, kissing her softly.

"You cheated." Konan accused, turning her head.

"You're a sore loser."

"No..."

"Yeah, you are."

"...yeah..." Pain grinned and removed his hand, taking the condom packet and ripping it open with his teeth. Konan took it from him, looking at it in distaste.

"Ugh. Do we have to?" she asked, joking. Pain grinned.

"I think that for your sake, we do." he said, taking it back. Konan tugged his boxers off with her feet, grinning at him impishly, eyebrows raised. She wouldn't look...she didn't want to look...she looked, and blushed.  
Pain didn't roll the condom on just yet; he kissed down her stomach again, this time not stopped by her black panties, and after kissing the inside of both her thighs, applied his tongue to her clit.

"Oh _God,_" Konan said in a low voice, fisting the blankets, aware that she shouldn't yell; Kisame was, after all, in the room right next to them. Konan looked up at him as he slowly, carefully slid into her. She closed her eyes, then smiled triumphantly at him.

"'I wanna show you what's love's all about, Darlin' tonight..." she mumbled softly along with the song. Pain started moving slowly when he was sure that she was okay.

"Hurry up," she said after she was used to it, looping her legs over his hips and holding him closer. Pain grinned at her, sweating a little like she was.

"So impatient. I'm gonna have to break you of that bad habit sometime," he teased, and she grinned, but then gasped as he sped up. He came fairly quickly, Konan following soon after when he went back down with his tongue.  
Finally she lay still, covered in sweat and staring at him wide-eyed; how strange things are, how odd the world is, how curious, these things that people do. Pain lay down next to her, and she held his hand as they both stared up at the ceiling for a minute. The speakers were finally quiet, and Konan could hear Pain's heartbeat. Or maybe it was her own. Pain looked over at Konan, who looked a bit stunned, looking up at her hands which she'd raised in the air.

"Hey,"

"Hey."

"...did it hurt?"

"...Yes." Pain rolled over, and looked at Konan, who was watching him.

"...did you like it?" Konan rolled over, too, got up on her knees, only vaguely noticing the dull ache in her lower stomach, and leaned over on his sweaty chest, resting her cheek on her arms, looking at him seriously.

"I liked it. Thank you." she said before kissing him. He smiled and kissed her back, pulling her towards him.  
They rolled over, off of the bed. Konan landed on the floor, Pain on top of her, kissing her and softly running his hands up and down her sides in the way he knew she loved.

"Don't smoke, okay?" Konan asked, and Pain looked at her in confusion.  
"Everybody smokes after doing it, but I don't want you to, okay?" she asked determinedly.  
A minute, then Pain burst out laughing.

There was a knock on the door.  
Konan and Pain stared at it.  
The door opened.

With a speed that Konan had only seen in Olympic races on tv, Pain had jumped up, rolled Konan out of view behind the wall, and had pulled on his boxers.

"Hey, what's up? Just thought I'd say goodbye to you and Konan. I'm going now, my flight's in an hour." It was Kisame. Pain walked towards him and began talking as Konan frantically hunted out of view for her underwear and dress. Finding them, she put them on and walked out from behind the wall.

Kisame raised her eyebrows at her, then looked at Pain, who also looked at Konan. Sensing something was amiss, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror...and mentally swore as she realized that her dress was on inside out. Excusing herself, she sped into the bathroom and fixed it.

"Have a nice flight!" she said just as Kisame was leaving. He grinned at her.

"Sure. Have_ fun_...here.." he said, leaving a world of innuendos in his wake. He closed the door behind himself. Pain looked at Konan, and she at him.

"He knew, didn't he?" she asked, and Pain grinned.

"Well, considering that your dress was _inside out_, I think he probably did." he said teasingly, locking the door. Konan elbowed him as they walked back to the bed. He grabbed her around the waist and threw her onto the bed before jumping on behind her.  
They lay together again, this time sure that there would be no interruptions.

"Pain?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Sasori's okay?" Pain rolled over and grinned.

"If I know anything about him, I'd say that he and Deidara are doing it as we speak."

"In a _hospital?_" Konan asked in amazement, trying to picture...no.

"What's wrong with a hospital? Lots of beds, lots of privacy...and it's really clean!" Pain said, and Konan laughed. She pulled off her dress and crawled under the blankets.

"Goodnight." she said with a yawn, and Pain laughed, following her. He wrapped an arm around her waist, tracing a circle around her bellybutton.

"Can you turn off the lights?" she asked, and he reached up to hit the switch. On its way up, though, his elbow hit the speaker button.

_Close to youuuuuu... _

"Oh, for _God's _sake!" Konan exclaimed and started to laugh.

The next morning, Pain and Konan went to a diner for breakfast before going to visit the hospital. Sasori was having an examination, so they and Deidara went to the nearest mall and got Deidara some new clothes.  
They donated the lace bodysuit to the Foundation Army (surprisingly, they took it) and went to see the last Harry Potter movie, part two. They had all read the books, so they spent the whole movie admiring the scenery and criticizing the screenplay.

"That _never _happened in the book," Konan whispered, earning herself a chorus of 'SHH!'s from the rest of the audience. Pain and Deidara burst out laughing, and they were escorted out of the theatre. They dropped Deidara off again at the hospital, and returned to the hotel.

"Now what?" Pain asked, and Konan looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"I know what we could do." she said cheerfully, and Pain grinned.

"What?" he asked, and she pulled him, laughing, into the bathroom by the neck of his shirt.

After they'd had a shower as well as something a little more exciting, they went into town and Konan bought some more clothes; after all, she had no more luggage.

They went into a large department store, and 'broke' the elevator. When they were finally let out, they were sweating and out of breath, claiming that the elevator had 'overheated'.

They paid another visit to Deidara in the hospital, got 'lost' and did it on a bucket in the janitor's closet.

Then they went out for dinner. Konan had been eating a lot more than usual, because of her unusual growth pattern. She complained that it was like puberty all over again. Half-way through, Konan had a 'little trouble' in the bathroom, so Pain went in to 'help'.

By the time they finally called it a night and went back to their hotel room, Pain, who had a considerable sex drive, was understandably tired out. Konan herself, who could have kept going a little longer, decided to have a nice relaxing bath...and locked the door, for once.

She lay in the bath, happier than she'd been in quite some time. Not because of the sex...well, _partly _because of the sex, but mostly because she could now face her body's changes with her head held high; she had no regrets anymore. Well, not any that she wouldn't forget about in a few months. She looked down at her breasts. Normally in a completely-full tub, she would hardly see them. But now they were visible, breaking the surface of the water. Rather like whales, she thought as she considered them with interest, or maybe submarines. Round ones. While most girls who had always been a little disappointed in their figure might have welcomed the chance to have a curvier figure, Konan was a little depressed; it was now impossible for her to fit into her old jeans, and more than once her hips had gotten trapped in narrow doorways. It was a bit of a handicap, and an irritation as more and more persons of the opposite sex began to take notice of her in the streets.

"I'm cursed!" she moaned one morning as she walked with Pain, complaining that her back was starting to hurt because her chest was so heavy. Pain snorted.

"Cursed with awesome." he said, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her cheek. Then he paused.  
"Did you grow?" he asked. She gave him a 'no shit, Sherlock' look, and he grinned.

"No, I mean I think you got taller." She looked at her feet, as if they would answer her, then examined Pain's face.

"I am looking straight ahead..." she said slowly, staring ahead of her. "...and I can see your mouth. That's new. It's normally collarbones." she said with a frown.

Pain laughed and they kept walking. She felt quite silly then, complaining about something that really wasn't so bad; she just wasn't used to it, and changes scared her. Sasori had been released from the hospital a few weeks previously, and he and Deidara had been staying in the same hotel as Pain and Konan.

They would leave in a few days, the second week of August, back home. Sasori had unwrapped the bandages, and they had all stared, 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed at the scar on his arm.

"It's so bad-ass!" Konan said, and Sasori laughed.

"You know it," he said with a wink.

"Yes, Sasori's we all know you're a sex god," Deidara began drily, "but to _me, _almost _dying _because of a bullet to the _arm, _then spending several weeks in a hospital gown tends to lean more towards 'Sasori, crouching Badass, hidden Moron."

Sasori punched his arm playfully as Konan and Pain laughed.

Once again, they were kicked out of the movie theatre.

* * *

Okay, slightly shorter than usual, I know, but next chapter will be usual length, I promise!  
I really hit a roadblock trying to write a love scene...you know, I wouldn't even call it that. it's more like a vague description.  
Oh well, it's the best I can do.  
Not graphic or anything, but whatever.  
If it's bad, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna change it; I'd only make it worse.  
Took inspiriation from _The time traveler's wife, _and I know it's quite similar, and I'm sorry.

I know the last two chapters have been kinda serious, but** I promise I'll go back to writing humour in the next chapter and the ones to follow**! Miraculously, the end of this fic is (surprisingly) within sight! I've decided that Provocation is generally better-written than this one, but after reading I Love all the way through, **I'd love to thank everybody who's read this story**...I can tell that my writing's gotten much better. You might not be able to tell, but I think so. **This chapter is dedicated to everyone who's stuck with this story since it's start, last August**! Thank you! Thank you all!

-S.N.


	18. Loyalty

**I LOVE: Loyalty**

* * *

Okay, so I know it's been FOREVER AND A HALF since my last update, but I was working on this, and I kept re-writing it... argh. Anyways, they should be quicker after this one. Alright. thanks to Fun-Sized-Otaku for their patience and loyalty! Yay! I got your message just as I was writing this, actually. Okay. Now, in this chapter, there's a LOT of SasoDei. Probably because I've been updating Provocation a lot, and I got really used to it. **Warning: This chapter contains severely improbable police/lawyer plots, mostly because I don't know anything about detectives or lawyers. I don't own Naruto.**

* * *

"Are you going already?" Konan asked, leaning against the taxi that would take Deidara and Sasori to the airport.

"Yeah," Sasori said as Deidara shoved the last of the bags into the back of the cab; he'd insisted on doing it all himself, so Sasori wouldn't hurt his shoulder again.

"It's a shame you only stayed a week after getting out of the hospital." Konan said as Pain took her hand. She smiled at him.

"Yeah, well...I felt bad, because you're paying for it all." said Sasori, and Konan scoffed.

"Oh, please. It's not my money anyways." she said, although she _did _wonder how she was going to pay for the hotel stay. Deidara closed the door of the trunk and grinned.

"See ya, Pain, Konan," he said, hugging Pain and then Konan. Sasori punched Pain's arm then pulled Konan into a hug.

"Woah, that's new," he said, pulling away and looking pointedly down at Konan's chest. She kicked his shin lightly, and he and Deidara hopped in the cab.

"And now... it's just us." Pain said as the taxi drove away, Sasori and Deidara waving from the back window.

"Yeah... but I don't mind." Konan said, grinning, and Pain laughed and scooped her up, carrying her back up to their hotel room.

The next morning, Konan fell out of bed and woke up at seven a.m. She muttered under her breath and clambered up. She knew that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so she walked (a little stiffly) over to the kitchen unit and started to make some coffee. She poured the steaming drink int a mug and sat down at the table, smiling a little as she saw Pain stretched out on the bed, his hair messy and mouth slightly open.

She jumped as there was a sharp knock on the door. Konan put down her cup, said 'coming' just loud enough so they'd hear, trying to let Pain sleep in. She pulled on his sweatshirt, which was abandoned on a chair, and his boxers (her clothes were under the bed), then pulled the door open. A tall man with a black goatee and thick eyebrows looked down at her, holding a police I.D.

"Yes?" she said, but her voice had gone.

"What is it?" she asked after clearing her throat. She rather felt that she needed to sit down.

"Konan Amega?" he asked in a deep voice, and she nodded.

"I'm a detective. You speak English?" the officer asked with a thick accent, shutting his wallet. He had a lisp, and pronounced his 'r's like 'arrgh's. Konan nodded and let him in.

"Please don't wake him up," she said when the officer saw Pain. He nodded and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry. Your father was found dead several weeks ago. We had some trouble finding you, as you have no permanent address." he said, and Konan nodded, sitting down as her legs gave way; they were going to be arrested.

No surprise, since they'd killed many people, but she'd childishly assumed that 'they'd get away with it'. So _stupid. _

"Now, Konan. I have DNA samples from a room below the bar where your father's body was found that proves that you were there at the time of his death." The detective looked at her, his black eyes piercing. Konan had the unpleasant sensation that her stomach was slowly freezing. She didn't speak, and the detective continued. "Now, why don't you tell me the whole story, and I'll see what I can do to help." he said, sitting down across from her at the table, pancaking his hands on the wood tabletop. She bit her lip and began to speak.

"My dad was doing a project, some science thing-"

"_Andromeda. _We searched his study trying to find where you would be. Odd man, your father." Konan frowned sternly at the detective before continuing.

"Yes. So he told me to come here to visit him. When I got to his house, I fell asleep. I'm not sure what happened then-"

"Chloroform. Traces of it were discovered in your room at your father's house."

"Okay then." she said, glaring briefly at the detective; she hated to be interrupted.

"I woke up, chained to a wall in a dark stone room, and I didn't know where I was. A man was there, his name was Bill, he was Irish."

"We found the body of a William Mackenzie. Five foot nine, red hair, heavyset. Sound familiar?"

"Yes. He told me that my father owed Mr Angelo money. I don't know who Mr Angelo is, but my dad was in a lot of debt."

"Yes. He owed Mr Angelo more money than what Dolce and Gabbana's entire collection is worth in Euros." the detective said, nodding, and Konan blinked at him; seriously?

"...Right. Anyways, so he'd been experimenting on my body-"

"Yup, found the papers."

"Can you please stop interrupting! So he was going to give me to Mr Angelo. Then Bill was shot by some other guys."

"Who?"

"Don't know. They moved me to another room or something, and then this guy Marely (I don't know his full name) came in and tried to rape me."

"And then?"

Konan didn't speak. The detective leaned forwards, looking at her carefully.

"We found the body of one Abele Marely in another room below the pub where your father was shot. Broken neck. Black fibers from a lace garment were found on his clothes." he said, narrowing his eyes. Konan thanked God they'd gotten rid of the lace bodysuit.

"I can prove it was you, Miss Amega. A strand of blue hair was found on his jacket. Not just any blue hair. _Naturally blue._ Or, rather, genetically altered while you weren't even a fetus. You don't find hair like that very often." he said gruffly, looking pointedly at Konan's messy hair. She sighed and decided to just... she didn't think anymore.

"I killed him. He was trying to rape me, and I killed him. I squeezed his neck with my thighs. Then I got out of the room-"

"How?"

"...he left it open. Then I picked up a knife,"

"Where did you find that?"

"Marley had it in his pocket, and I took it. Then I killed the other guards."

"Some were shot with a pistol."

"I took a gun off of one I had already killed." The detective nodded slightly.

"And then what did you do?" he asked, and Konan tried hard to remember exactly what had happened next.

"I...I went to the bathroom to change, so that nobody would recognize me."

"Where'd you find other clothes?"

"Somebody left a bag in the bathroom. I took the clothes, and flushed the plastic bag down the toilet."

"Okay. What next?" She sighed, frowning as she concentrated. The sound of Pain's steady breathing behind her helped her relax.

"When I left the bathroom, the inn's pub was empty of customers. There were some guys there, and my dad, held at gunpoint."

"You saw your father?"

"Yes. Mr Angelo was there. He was going to take me away, so I...shot him. And the others, but they shot my dad."

"How many others were there?"

"Like...six."

"You took on six armed men and you didn't get hurt?"

"Yes." The detective leaned back.

"Konan, don't lie. According to the files your father kept on you, you have no experience whatsoever with weapons. You've never played any sports. I highly doubt that you, severely undernourished for two weeks, could possibly have escaped such a situation by yourself."

"She wasn't alone."

Konan turned around in surprise. Pain was standing behind her, thankfully wearing pants. He had been so quiet getting up that even the detective hadn't noticed; he blinked in surprise and put a hand in his pocket, where Konan could see the bulge of a gun. She gasped and turned back to Pain, who also had his gun in his pocket. For the first time, Konan seriously wondered _where _he'd gotten that gun.

"Accomplice?" the detective asked, and Pain nodded.

"No! No, what if you get thrown in jail?" Konan hissed, shoving Pain in the side, but he didn't move.

"He wasn't there, I was alone." Konan said desperately, but Pain's jaw was set with determination, and the detective wasn't looking at her.

"Two teenagers? Were there more?" the detective asked sceptically.

"No." Pain said, placing a hand comfortingly on Konan shoulder. It helped, but she was still shaking with worry.

"So, between the two of you, you murdered eleven men, and didn't report the murder of your own father."

The detective switched his bold gaze to Konan, who lowered her head; she felt rather like a child being sent to the corner, but this was much, much more serious.

The gravity of the situation was now settling onto her like a blanket of ice. Her father had been dead for several weeks, and not only had she not reported it, but she'd been living off his money, which she didn't rightfully have access to.

Her mother was also dead. Gave herself a fatal head injury in the bathroom. She was buried around the back of the asylum, with only a simple headstone. And though Konan had sent in a letter with money to get _Forever in Heaven _engraved on the headstone, she felt a pain in her heart to know that her mother had died alone.

"That's right. Are you going to arrest us?" she asked quietly after a while, and she felt Pain kiss the top of her head as she watched the detective as his gaze shifted between them.

"Put your gun on the table." he said, gesturing at Pain, who did so.

"Now. After reading your father's research papers and files on you, trying to find you, I have to say... you have had a pretty unfortunate childhood." the detective said, looking at Konan, who looked back, considering mentioning that thanks to her father, she wasn't exactly a child any more, but she didn't say anything.

"As it turns out, every single man you killed was a wanted felon, many of them in more than one country. All of them were wanted murderers, and had the police caught them beforehand, they would have been executed." Konan could hardly hear him. Her mind was racing. What did this mean? Were they going to be arrested for murder, or...?

"What...what are you saying?" she asked slowly. She felt Pain slowly stroking her hair, and she leaned her head against his hip.

"This means that if I can get statements from both of you..." the detective paused, gazing at Konan, then Pain, in such a way that made them feel like they were being x-rayed.

"...I can let you go with a _very _severe warning. But no jail time." Konan seriously doubted that that was legal. But she didn't say anything.

"Are you allowed to do that?' Pain asked curiously, and she looked up at him. The man across from them scratched his nose.

"Look. With statements from both of you, we could potentially bring down Mr Angelo's drug ring."

"Since when did he do drugs?" Konan asked, and Pain grinned at her.

"Many of the men found dead at the scene were connected to a very important case that the police of this city have been working on for several years. The _Andromeda _project was the most recent of dozens of similar incidents. To be honest, had the police arrived before you," the detective looked at Pain,  
"They would likely have done the same thing. Perhaps held one member for interrogation, but to no avail; all of Mr A's workers were fiercely loyal. We've captured seven in the past, and all of them swallowed poison before we could question them."

Konan honestly hardly understood a word of what the man was saying; his accent was a little confusing, and she had had absolutely no contact with police and detectives before this. She had talked to an officer, but not about something so complicated. It reminded her a bit of some kind of elaborate _Law and Order _plot.

"Basically, you can make a statement and I can let you go, or you can come down to the station with me and my officers who are waiting outside, and let a judge and jury decide whether or not to sentence you for murder."

"We'll make statements," Pain said, and Konan nodded.

Four hours later, Konan walked out of the cold room where she'd been writing on sheets of paper and talking into a microphone for the last hour and a half, and sat down on a chair in the lobby.

She couldn't believe it. It was impossible. So many things had happened since she'd left school, all of them more far-fetched and crazy than the last. _I won't be surprised if I wake up in the hospital tomorrow with a giant bandage on my head. Like I imagined the whole thing, _she thought wryly, pinching herself just in case. It hurt. And she didn't wake up. She was still staring at the grey wallpaper across from her. Bummer. And yet.

"Hey," She looked up, and smiled at Pain, who offered her a hand. She took it, and they walked together out of the police building.

Two days later, there was another early-morning knock on the door. Once again, Konan raced out of bed, whipping the blanket up over Pain, pulling on his t-shirt and an abandoned pair of jeans (which she accidentally put on backwards first) before swinging open the door.

"Yes?" she asked breathlessly to the tall man in the dark pin-stripe suit who stood before her. He had a briefcase and a wide mouth.

"Good morning," he said with a huge smile, thrusting forwards a hand and shaking her whole arm vigorously. Konan stared at him.

"Um...good morning?" she asked in complete confusion, staring at him. He looked like a caricature of a lawyer.

"Are you Konan? Daughter of Jared and Lucille Amega?" 

_Lucille? _Konan's eyes widened in surprise, considering that she was fairly certain that her mother's name had been Suzie, but she said 'yes' anyways. The man walked in, and sat down at the kitchen table. He had a loud voice, with a surprisingly strong American accent, considering that he seemed to know her father, who had lived in Italy for ten years or so.

"Who's he?" the man asked, pointing at Pain who (miraculously) was still asleep. Konan crossed her arms and sat down.

"Who are _you_?" she asked pointedly, and the man laughed loudly. Louder than Pain. _LOUD._

"God, I'm sorry, I haven't even introduced myself. The name's Cameron. Cameron Jackson, your late dad's lawyer. Sorry about that, darling. It must've been a shock."

"What?" Konan asked, and Cameron looked at her with a small frown on his handsome, tanned face.

"...His death, of course."

"Oh, that! Yes... yes it was quite a shock." she said, clearing her throat and concentrating on Cameron's thinning hairline. It was quite obvious that he wasn't a natural blonde.

"Now, I've come here to discuss some legal things with you. Just to settle it, you know, the money, the will, there's a funeral, etc. Money, money, money, eh?" he said, flashing an unnaturally white grin at her.  
She smiled back, and imagined her face cracking from the movement. She frowned at him as he pulled a load of thick files, fat with paper out of his briefcase.

"Now, here's the situation, darlin'," he said with a paperclip between his teeth as he rifled through a load of documents. She wished he wouldn't call her that. She didn't particularly want to be his darling.

"Your daddy was in a bit of a pickle, money-wise, but I can sort that all out. The thing you'll be interested in are funeral fees, and of course, the money your dad left you." he said, sliding a paper over to Konan. She looked at him, and then picked it up, reading it carefully. It was a bank statement from her father's account, printed the day before.

"What are these?"

"What, darlin'?" Konan pointed at the numbers on the paper.

"These withdrawals, sending money into your account?" Konan asked, frowning at Cameron, who cleared his throat.

"My wages. Your father had emplyed me to take charge of any and all expenses were he to die prematurely, and that's my payment. We had agreed to this beforehand, darlin', here's the contract," he said, sliding another piece of paper over to her. She inspected it, noting that her father's signature was wrong. She asked to keep the contract, and he agreed, saying that he had a copy at home.

"I shall now read you your father's last will and testament." Cameron said, obviously a little harried now that konan had noticed how much money had been going into his accounts. He produced another sheet and unfolded it.

"Last will, blah blah blah, Lucille if she's in a stable mental state, no...ah, here we are. Andromeda or Konan, isn't it?" he asked, and Konan scowled; had her dad actually put _Andromeda _on his _will! _God...

"Yes." she muttered, shuffling her feet, and Cameron continued.

"Right on. To my only daughter, Andromeda or Konan, I bequeath the sum of all my estates in addition to the 4 000 000 dollars in my offshore account." Konan stared at Cameron.

"My dad was in debt! He didn't have four _hundred _dollars to spare, let alone four _million!" _she exclaimed, her voice shrill. Cameron tapped his nose.

"Yes, I was quite surprised, too; I knew your father quite well, Konan. But a few months ago he re-wrote this will, and let it slip that he'd been putting money aside for you, on the sly. Tricky man, your father. So, once the banks have sorted everything out, you should receive a cheque in the mail from them, and Bob's your uncle!"

"I don't have an uncle."

"Figure of speech, darlin'." Cameron said airily before making a huge show of checking his watch.

"Oh _my_, is that the _time! _Holy crackers on a cow patty! I've gotta run, doll!" he said, swinging up his briefcase and folders. Konan stood up, but he was already out the door.

_Four million. Four million dollars. I'm a...I'm a millionaire. _

Konan wasn't very happy to think that.

She looked down at the contract in her hands, and sighed.

"What a tool." She looked around. Pain was sitting up, eyebrows raised.

"Who?" she asked, going to him and falling into his arms. He held her and rocked her back and forth before kissing her cheek.

"That Cameron guy."

"Oh, baby, he's a tool_box_." she said seriously, and he laughed before rolling them over and kissing her again. After lunch, Konan looked at Pain thoughtfully.

"Do you think we should go back soon?" she asked. Pain yawned loudly and stretched before answering, slipping his hand in her back pocket as they walked back to the hotel from the IHOP where they'd eaten.

"Sure. I don't mind, but _you're _paying for the hotel, right? So maybe we should." he said, and she nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Right." she agreed.

"We'll pack tonight." he promised.

Well, as things turned out, they didn't exactly have time to pack that night...or the next morning... So the next afternoon, Konan determinedly began shoving their things back into their bags. Not that she had many clothes, but she had gone shopping since they'd first arrived at the hotel.

"Which flight do you want to catch?" Pain asked when she met him down in the lobby. He was clicking away on the guests-only computer in the corner. Konan paid the hotel bill with her credit card, flustered slightly by the large five-digit number on the receipt, and walked over to him.

"Well, I just checked us out, so preferably tonight." she said, leaning on him to see the screen.

"Okay. Our flight leaves in two hours. We'd better go now, don't you think?" he said, and she nodded.

They took the bus to the airport, and quickly got past security.

"Okay. We're arriving...but then we're departing. Are we 'Arrivals' or 'Departures'?" Konan asked, looking from one sign to the other. When Pain didn't reply, she looked at him. He was staring at her with his eyebrows raised, disbelief obvious on his face. Konan laughed and said she was joking.

"So...departures, right?" she asked. Pain rolled his eyes.

"I _can't _believe you..." he muttered, grinning, ignoring Konan's protests that she was 'just checking'. They got their tickets quickly, and sat down together on the carpeted floor by a large window after checking in their baggage. Konan crossed her legs and wiggled her toes. Pain slipped his arm around her, and she leaned on his shoulder, chewing her lip thoughtfully.

"If you could be any road in the world, which one would you be?" she asked. Pain grinned.

"That's a question you don't hear every day. It depends. Are you also a road?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'd be a road that crosses yours. So people would say, 'I'll meet you at Konan and Pain.'" he said, and Konan smiled.

"Okay. You get one brownie point for being cute, but which one would you be? Would you be... Williams road, or Sowerby boulevard?" she asked, and Pain smirked.

"What, only _one _brownie point? You're so stingy!" he exclaimed, but answered the question when Konan gave him a look.

"Alright, alright. I would be...Abbey road."

"The one the Beatles crossed?" Konan asked, and he nodded.

"Alright. Well, I would be Champs-Élisées, in Paris." she said, and he smiled.

"Look, a plane's taking off." Pain said, pointing out the window. They watched it leave the ground and soar out of sight.

"It looks as if it's going slowly...but it's not." Konan murmured, and Pain nodded.

"Do you have any dreams, or plans for when we graduate?" Konan asked after a while. Pain thought about it for a while.

"Well, I'm not really sure. I guess we'd graduate... maybe get our own place... I'd probably work at the motorcycle garage for a few years, but after that... I'm not sure, but it's gonna be big." he said, grinning. Konan smiled.

"Who's 'we'?" she asked, knowing that she was tempting fate even by asking. Pain looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"You know what I'm gonna say." he accused and she giggled before he pulled her closer and kissed her firmly, almost persuasively.

"Love-struck teenagers..." an old man muttered almost fondly, as he walked past with a newspaper. Konan broke away and laughed. Pain grinned, watching the man walk away, before tweaking Konan's nose and smiling mischievously.

"Love-struck teenagers these days. Can't keep their hands off each other." he said, and Konan muffled her laughter in his shoulder.

"Well, what about you? Any particular plans?" Pain asked, and Konan opened her mouth to say 'nothing' before a couple ten metres away caught her eye.  
They looked to be pretty young, maybe twenty-seven, and the dad was holding the baby above his head, making faces and saying something in baby-talk. The baby was laughing, and the mom was tickling its feet.

"Well?" Pain asked, and Konan zipped back from her own world.

"Hmm?" she asked, blushing, trying hard not to look suspicious.

"What?" Pain asked, turning to glance over his shoulder. Konan swore silently before grabbing Pain's head, yanking it around, and kissing him forcefully. He was staring at her, she could tell, but she shut her eyes, determined not to let him see that what she'd been staring at had been a baby. She opened her eyes and released Pain when she saw that the couple had left.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" he asked breathlessly. Konan smiled.

"I already have all I want after graduation." she said brightly, and Pain smiled and poked her nose.

"You're annoyingly cute." he said, and she smiled and scrunched her toes, watching them instead of Pain. She was silent with her thoughts, sitting in a cloud of obvious embarrassment until their flight was called.

* * *

Itachi closed his phone.

"Their flight arrives in half an hour." he said, looking around the room. Yahiko ruffled his hair.

"Our car only seats five, including the driver. Are any of you legal?" he asked.

"Ooh, ooh, I'll drive, I'll drive!" Annie cheered, jumping up and snatching the keys off the table.

"The airport's twenty minutes away, you should make it in time-"

"Let me _DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" _

"-and the traffic shouldn't be bad. What time is it right now, anyways, one a.m.?"

"I WANNA DRIIIIIIIIVEEEE!"

Yahiko clapped his hand over his daughter's mouth and smiled at the others.

"So, that's Annie-"

"Yess!"

"Plus four. Who wants to go meet them?"

"Shotgun!" Hidan yelled, raising his fist in the air.

"Me and Deidara'll go, too." Sasori said, grabbing his boyfriend by the arm and marching him to the car.

"Okay. Don't die on the way there or back. That car's my baby." Yahiko said with a wink and a grin as the group dispersed.

"What about _me? _I'm your _daughter!_" Annie exclaimed angrily from down the hall. Yahiko grinned and turned around, pouring himself some coffee.

"Daughters are different from babies." he called back to her before taking a sip from his steaming mug.

"Thanks again for letting us stay here, even though Pain's not here yet." Itachi said quietly from the other side of the room. Yahiko turned around and grinned.

"No problem. Trust me, it would be boring without you. Besides, you guys are interesting." he said with a cheeky wink before walking off to find his magazine. Itachi watched him go, then raised his gaze to Kisame, who was drumming his fingers on the table.

"So...what's your favourite colour?" he asked. Kisame turned around.

"You're terrible at making conversation." he said, and Itachi's mouth curved up slightly.

"Thanks for being frank."

* * *

Konan screamed and threw herself into Deidara's arms, almost knocking him over. Pain and Sasori watched awkwardly until Annie flung herself at her brother before taking money out of his pocket and disappearing off to buy a magazine.

"Hey...isn't she kinda... not supposed to do that?" Hidan asked, referring to both Annie and Konan as he grabbed Pain and Konan's bags and easily swung them up onto his shoulders.

"I missed you so much, I did! How are you?" Konan asked, hugging Deidara tightly. He hugged her back, grinning, lifted her up, and spun her around. When he put her back down on the ground, she backed away, staring at him.

"Have you been working out, or did I get fifty pounds lighter?" she asked, and Deidara laughed.

"You're not _that _heavy, okay?" he asked.  
Konan grinned and jumped at Hidan, hugging him.

"Motherfuck, when did you get _those_?" he asked her, nodding at her chest, which was pressed into his stomach. She scowled at him.

"Is that seriously all you're going to say after we haven't seen each other for weeks?" she demanded, blushing, and he laughed and hugged her again, almost squashing her with his huge bags. Meanwhile, Deidara had seized the chance to talk to Pain.  
Konan turned her head and smiled slightly when she saw Deidara talking quickly, and Pain grinning; Pain had told her before that Deidara considered him his best friend. She was about to ask Hidan how bounty hunting with Kakuzu had been, when two cool hands she recognized immediately looped around her shoulders and pulled her away from him, and into the embrace of another.

"Seriously? You hug _him _before me?" Sasori asked, annoyed, ignoring Hidan who shot a cluster F-bomb at him.

"Sorry, I-" Konan began, but Sasori was already kissing her.

Almost immediately, Deidara and Pain were there, and Deidara pulled Sasori off of Konan by the collar.

"Hey! What was that for?" Konan asked, pink in the face as she rubbed her mouth. Sasori grinned at her before turning to Deidara, who honestly looked dangerous. Konan sighed when she caught Pain's expression.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know he would do that." she muttered, her cheeks still pink, but with shame. Pain's easy smile didn't falter as he put his arm around her.

"It's okay. I know it's not your fault." he said, and Konan shot him a look.

"That doesn't stop you being mad. I know you're not fine." she said, rolling her eyes when she saw that he was still smiling.

"I'm not angry with you." he repeated before taking his bag from Hidan, who had somehow gotten into a fight with a security guard.

Saying that the drive home was only a little awkward would be the understatement of the century.

* * *

Around three, Konan woke up. She always got terrible jet lag, no matter where she went, and after attempting several times to go to sleep, she gave up and slid out of bed. The floor was cold, so she pulled on a pair of fuzzy red socks and wrapped the extra blanket around herself for comfort's sake. She glanced at Pain, who, as usual, didn't seem to notice the cold at all; he was stretched out on the bed, one leg sticking out from under the blanket that only seemed to cover his lower back.

She smiled slightly, and snuck out of the room. The hallway was dark, as expected, but she found her way to Sasori's room with relative ease. She opened the door silently and stepped in. She focused her eyes on the bed, but could only see one form under the blankets.

"Where's Deidara?" she murmured, and glanced around the empty room before shutting the door again and thinking. She checked all the rooms except those of Pain's family, before finally giving up and padding quietly to the kitchen. She shut the door and flicked on the light, shutting her eyes tightly until she got used to the blinding brightness. She opened her eyes, squinting around, before blinking a few times and keeping her gaze lowered as she walked to the cupboard, looking for a mug.

A few minutes later, she sat at the table, watching her marshmallow gradually dissolve into the mug of hot chocolate. There was a creak behind her, and she stiffened in shock. Deidara sat down at the table across from her. She breathed a sigh of relief, but didn't look at him; now that she'd found him, she wasn't sure that she could face him.

But she had to. She had to try.

"I was looking for you. I didn't know where you went." she said quietly. He didn't answer. She chanced a quick look, and found him looking up at the ceiling, tapping his fingers soundlessly on the wooden table.

"Deidara, please talk to me. I know you're angry, and frankly, I don't blame you at all, but...please don't ignore me." she said beseechingly. He glanced at her. It was a while before either of them spoke again. When they did, it was Deidara who broke the silence.

"I'm not mad at you, un. Not really." he said, but Konan lowered her gaze.

"You're lying." she murmured, but Deidara ignored her.

"He spent so much time last year trying to get me to go out with him, and now that I am, he goes and hits on you every chance he gets. I don't understand him, un." he said, looking at his hands. Konan took a gulp from her hot chocolate before sliding the mug to Deidara, who said 'cheers' and sipped it gratefully.

"Did you talk to him about it?" she asked quietly, and he nodded.

"Yeah. I was pretty mad," he said, grinning ruefully. "He said that he did it 'for fun'." Deidara rolled his eyes and took another sip of hot chocolate. Konan sighed and scrunched her toes in their fuzzy socks.

"For fun? I hope he realizes that I don't like being played with." she said scornfully, looking out the window at the darkness beyond it. Deidara mumbled something.

"What did you say?" Konan asked, and he repeated, louder.

"But you do like being played with. I know you do. So does he, un." Konan watched Deidara carefully. He was tracing a finger over the lines on the owl design on the mug, his eyes cold. Konan chose her words carefully, aware that Deidara was feeling more than a little unstable.

"That's true. I lied, I do like it. But I also hate it." Deidara glanced at her, and she continued, scooting her chair further forward.

"I hate it. I hate it, because of what he's doing to you when he does that to me. He does it when you're watching, when you're not, completely ruining your trust in him. And it makes me feel sick when he does what he does, because you're my best friend. And no matter what, I don't want you to be hurting." Deidara nodded slowly.

"And what about Pain?" he asked, and Konan sighed, blowing hair out of her eyes.

"Pain knows about it, of course. He knows it's Sasori doing it, and he knows why he's doing it. He never gets mad at me, but I can tell... every time it happens, I know he trusts me a little less, he's disappointed in me... and the face he makes, that stupid smile hurts so much more than anything he could ever say to me." she confessed, her eyes lowered.

"Don't cry." Deidara said, pulling her closer and wiping her cheeks.

"I know, I'm sorry, it's pathetic. You should be the one crying, here." she said, sniffing loudly, and rubbing her eyes. Deidara snorted.

"Believe me, I've cried enough tonight, un." he said, and Konan took his hand, running her thumb over his tanned skin comfortingly.

"It's not the first time that's happened, then?" he asked finally, in a detached tone. Konan looked at the ground, her throat tight. She couldn't say anything, so she shook her head. Deidara looked so tired, as though he'd lived a hundred lives of disappointment. He brought his fist down on the table hard, and Konan flinched in shock.

"I just... just..." Deidara didn't finish. He angrily wiped his eyes and chugged the rest of the hot chocolate. Once again, they lapsed into silence. The only sounds in the house were the drip of the leaky faucet upstairs, Kisame's snoring from down the hall, and the creaks of the house settling.

"Deidara...can I ask you something?" Konan asked finally, pulling her blanket back over her shoulders.

"Sure." he said, hiccoughing. Konan scooted her chair closer and offered Deidara half of the blanket. He took it and wrapped it around himself, keeping her hand in his.

"How...how did you and Sasori get together? I know when I asked before, you said that he kept on asking you out, and you'd always say no. Then you'd see him flirt with other people and you got jealous, and finally realized you loved him, but is that really all of it? I'm just wondering." she said, leaning against him. He leaned back, something that was relatively easy to do considering they were almost the same height. He sighed.

"No, that's not it, un." he said, and Konan nodded.

"It's true that he was asking me out all the time. He also kissed me and stuff, even when I told him to stop. And I did get jealous, but he mostly stopped flirting after he got serious about me. He told me he loved me a lot, too."

"Didn't you like him back?" Konan asked, and Deidara grinned slightly, in spite of himself.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. I probably loved him from the start, even though he pissed me off so much. But...I could never admit that." "So...you were stubborn?" Konan guessed, and Deidara nodded.

"Yes. And after a while, Sasori got annoyed about that. I can't blame him. He knew I liked him, Pain knew, everybody knew. But I continued to push him away."

"Poor guy." Konan mumbled before realizing that they were both awake in the middle of the night, because of that 'poor guy' and his serious issues with commitment.

"No, you're right. I feel bad for him, actually, un." Deidara continued, squeezing Konan's hand slightly. "So we would fight. Our first big fight, I was the one who went to go get him. I think it was on that night that I consciously knew that I liked him. But I still wouldn't go out with him, wouldn't admit I loved him. So, we had some more fights after that. When he got really tired of it, I used to try and make him jealous," Deidara recalled with a smile.

"But we both got bored of that, I think. Anyways, long story short, I stopped being stubborn, and agreed to go out with him."

"Finally." Konan pointed out, and Deidara laughed.

"Yeah. But even after all that... I think he still thinks it's all a game, un. I think... I think he just thinks it's fun." he said, raising his eyes to the ceiling. Konan wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. He hugged her back gratefully, and Konan kissed the top of his head.

"Well, you know what I think?" she said finally. "What?" Deidara asked, his voice muffled as he wiped his eyes on her shoulder. Konan smiled, stroking his long hair.

"I think I know what we should do. We're going to beat him at his own game. If we win, he might give up. And if he doesn't, then we just keep on playing until he gets bored. He gets bored of stuff, doesn't he?"

"Like a kid gets bored of a Barbie doll." Deidara grinned.  
Konan let him go and sat back on her chair, unable to stop a wicked grin from spreading on her face.

"Alright. Here's what we'll do..."

* * *

"...and that's why I have to do this. Can I? Please, please? I swear, as soon as this is over, I'll make it all up to you, and I'll never do something like this again. Please?" Konan begged. Pain rolled over and yawned again.

"Sure, okay, fine. But did you _have_ to wake me up at...what the hell's the time... oh, God, no... seven-thirty?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, I did." she said with a smile, kissing his forehead before unzipping her suitcase and digging around in the shopping bags she'd amassed.

"Alright. Showtime." she murmured, grinning as she found what she was looking for.

"Break a leg. You'd better make this up to me. I'm being very nice, you know." Pain mumbled from the bed before yawning again. Konan turned around and jumped on the bed, crawling to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her, aware that she was pulling his face into her chest.

"I know you're being nice. You're so nice to me, Sexy-Pain. You're the best, and I _promise..._ I'll make it all up to you." she said with a smile. Pain grinned and laughed, but it was cut off when she pulled him closer, squashing him into her chest. Just for fun.

"Okay, I'm awake!" he said when she released him. She laughed and picked up the shopping bag again before disappearing into the bathroom.

"Okay, do you think this'll work?" she asked a few minutes later, emerging rather shyly in a black corset teddy with matching stockings and garters. Pain stared at her.

"It's the most conservative one I could find..." Konan mumbled, trying to zip the back up.

"It was the only one in the entire store that didn't have a thong at the back, you know." she complained, turning around so Pain could help her with the zipper.

"Honestly, if your dad could see you know..." he mumbled, zipping it up properly. Konan sighed.

"I know, he'd probably have a heart attack. But there was a huge sale, and I got it for emergency purposes. Like this one." Konan turned back around and scuffed her stockinged foot on the ground.

"Well? Do you think it's okay?" she asked. Pain raised a hand to his face to cover a smile.

"Deidara, you lucky bastard..." he murmured, and Konan laughed, swatting at him.

"Well thank you, but do you think... do you think it'll fool Sasori?" she asked. Pain grinned and unhooked one of her stockings, and twisted the teddy to the left slightly.

"Okay, that's better. Now, get away from me before I lose it and tackle you to the ground, woman." he said, grinning and ducking her hand which swung out to hit him. She left the room, a blanket wrapped around her in case anybody saw her. She zoomed into Deidara's room and shut the door.

"Hey," she said quietly. He looked up at her. He was lying topless in bed, the blankets down by his waist. There were unlit candles around the room, and a pile of clothes on the floor.

"The candles are a nice touch." she said, and Deidara grinned.

"Yeah. I decided not to light them, because... you know, it would be like they'd been on all night, and that would've been a fire hazard, un."

"Very thoughtful." Konan said, grinning before turning around and dropping the blanket. Deidara tried to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat. Blushing red as a tomato, Konan zipped into the bed as quickly as possible.

"Do you think this'll work?" she asked, and Deidara cleared his throat.

"Well if it doesn't work, he'll still sure as hell be jealous, considering you're wearing _that _thing, un." he said, and Konan blushed harder.

"I can't believe Pain let you wear that...you know... not around him." Deidara commented, and Konan grinned.

"I know. But I promised I'd make it up to him."

"I bet." Deidara said, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay...um... look like you just woke up. So... I'll go... here..." Deidara moved to the other side of the bed.

"Okay, and I'll...go over here, like I fell asleep in your arms, or something." Konan said, scooting over right next to Deidara, resting her head on his outstretched arm.

"Okay, and we should pull the blanket off of you a bit, so he can see what you're wearing, un." Deidara said, and Konan obeyed, instantly feeling cold as the blanket left her top, side, and right leg.

"Okay, that's good, un."

"Yep."

...

"So... this is awkward..." Deidara commented after a few minutes, and Konan giggled.

"Yeah. By the way, I just want you to know, you're totally my best friend." she said, patting Deidara's shoulder. "Really?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Huh. Well, you're not my best friend."

"Ouch." Deidara grinned.

"But, see, Pain's my best friend, and since you're dating him, you're my... Best-friend-in-law, un."

"But Pain and I aren't married." Konan pointed out. Deidara shrugged.

"Close enough. But, you're my second-best-friend, at least, un." he said, and Konan smiled. "Alright, then. Well, Sasori's my second-best-friend, and he's my Best-friend-in-law, too, because you two are dating." she said, and Deidara nodded.

"I guess so. So Sasori... is Pain's...uh... what is that? Best-friend-in-law-once-rem-"

"He's coming!" Konan interrupted, as footsteps padded towards the door. Deidara swore.

"Okay, okay... uh...uh... play dead, un!"

"Asleep, moron!" Konan hissed before shutting her eyes and scooting once more closer to Deidara, who put an arm around her, and closed his eyes, too.

**The door opened.**

"Hey, Deidara, did you borrow my- OH MY FUCKING JASHIN, YOU'RE NAKED!"

Deidara and Konan snapped their eyes open. Hidan was in the doorway.

"Shut up, shut up, come here, close the door!" Konan hissed, leaping out of bed. She seized his wrist, pulled him in, and slammed the door.

"What the fuck are you wearing? It's so... hot. And unlike you." Hidan commented, staring at her.

"Thanks." Konan said dryly before leaping back into bed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Hidan asked, but Konan put a finger to her lips.

"Can you... hide in a closet, or something? If you go out now, he might see you, if he's out of his room!" Deidara exclaimed, making shooing motions at Hidan, who slowly clambered into the closet, still staring at Konan, who shot him a sharp look.

"Okay, now, stay there and be quiet until we say you can come out, okay? Promise?" she asked, and Hidan gave her a thumbs-up before shutting the closet door.

"That was so-" Deidara began.

"Shh!" Konan hissed as once again, footsteps padded towards the door.

**The door opened.**

"Hey, have you seen Hida- WHAT THE HELL?"

Deidara and Konan snapped their eyes open again. Kisame was standing in the doorway, one hand slapped over his mouth, the other pointing at them.

"Are you _naked_?" He hissed, coming in and shutting the door after seeing Konan and Deidara signaling at him frantically.

"No, no, no, we'll explain it all later, but get in the closet and shut up, okay? Please, please, please?" Konan begged, and Kisame rolled his eyes and obeyed.

"Hidan, there you are!" he said when he opened the closet door.

"'There you are' my fucking sexy ass! This place is rat-shit tiny!" he growled, and Kisame chuckled, clambering in also.

"Shut the door, un!" Deidara reminded them. He and Konan stared at the little closet, which now seemed to be creaking in a similar way to a dying man's death throes.

"Okay, okay, he's coming now!" Konan hissed as more footsteps padded towards the door.

**The door opened.**

"Deidara, do you know where my hairbrush is? ...Oh... I suppose I'm interrupting."

"Itachi, get the fuck in here, shut the door, and hide in the closet, please!" Deidara hissed. Itachi raised his eyebrows, and shut the door.

"Why can't I just leave?" he asked. Konan sighed in irritation.

"We're waiting for Sasori! If he comes down the hall now, and hears us talking... and what would we do if he asked you about us? Honestly. Just hide in the closet." she snapped.

"DON'T FUCKING HIDE IN THE CLOSET!" Hidan said angrily.

"No, oh my God, footsteps..." Deidara muttered, listening to the padding of feet in the hallway.

"Itachi, _get-in-the-Goddamn-closet!_" Konan hissed pleadingly. Thank God, Itachi did what he was told, to the grumbled complaints of the other two in the tiny closet.

The creaks now resembled those of an old coffin. Deidara and Konan closed their eyes as the doorknob turned.

**The door opened.**

"Motherfuck, what the-"

"It's not him." Konan sat up with a sigh. Her grouchy expression turned to horror when she saw Yahiko in the doorway.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed.

She remembered what she was wearing.  
She remembered that she was in bed with somebody who wasn't Pain.  
She remembered that Pain is Yahiko's son.

"Son of a bitch..." she said as Yahiko assumed the identical expression of an easy smile and cold eyes that Pain did whenever Sasori kissed her.

"Okay, okay, will you please, please, please listen to me?" she begged, jumping out of the bed and pulling Yahiko into the room before shutting the door.

"Alright." he said in a guarded tone.

"Okay, um... can you hide under the bed, please, please, please?" she pleaded, thanking God all the while that Yahiko was such a chill father. He did so. Konan got back into the bed and leaned over the side to explain.

"Okay, I don't have much time, but this totally isn't what you think it is."

"Isn't it?" he asked in a falsely pleasant tone.

"No, it's not!" Konan insisted.

"Sasori was being an asshole, so I'm helping Deidara make him jealous so he won't be any more-"

"That sounds like a crap plan."

"Shut it. I mean, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, but it was three in the morning, and _believe _me, I know it's crap. So I dressed up like this just for that reason, Deidara and I have _not _done anything, and Pain knows about it. He let me do this."

"That boy must have some _serious _self-control. If it'd been me, I'd've jumped you right then and there." Yahiko said with a wink. Konan blushed in spite of herself, then continued explaining.

"Right, okay, but then Hidan and Kisame and Itachi came in, so we stuffed them in the closet-"

"And it's damn uncomfortable!" Kisame said loudly. Yahiko laughed.

"Alright, and now we're just waiting for Sasori!" Konan finished.

"Okay, okay. So I bet you want me to be quiet, right?" Yahiko asked, blowing some dust out of the way of his face.

"Yes, that would be great, un." Deidara said.

"Right." Yahiko said, and Konan beamed at him before returning to her spot next to Deidara.

"Hear anything?" she asked. Deidara nodded, and closed his eyes. She copied him.

**The door opened.**

"Hey, Deidara, I just wanted to apologi-"

Sasori stopped talking. Konan's heart was pounding so loudly, she was certain that he must be able to hear it from where he was standing, by the door. She felt Deidara squeeze her hand tightly under the blanket.

Sasori walked towards them. Every one of his footsteps made Konan flinch. Finally, he was right next to the bed, on Deidara's side. Konan was suddenly struck by the thought that this was the worst possible idea she could ever have come up with. She felt sick. This was bad, this was so bad...

"Deidara," Sasori's voice was close.

Deidara opened his eyes and looked up at Sasori. Konan was amazed he could be so calm. Sasori sighed. And then there was a yell, a bang, and Konan snapped her eyes open as Sasori stormed away from the bed. Sasori paused by the door. His expression was calm, but his eyes were clearly burning with hate and horror.

"I feel bad for Pain. All fourth year he was dreaming of the perfect girlfriend, and just when he's sure he's finally met her, it turns out she's a whore." he spat, and left.

Blood was thundering in Konan's ears. She turned to look at Deidara. There was blood on his face, and he had the symptoms of what would become a terrible black eye. The closet door swung open. Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi clambered out, and Yahiko came out from under the bed.

"I have to say it, this plan was fucking crap." Hidan said, and Konan nodded. She felt like crying. But it was her fault, all her fault, and Deidara was bleeding and she knew he was crying, and it was all wrong, all her fault. A warm hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"Hey. It'll get better." Yahiko said with a warm smile.

"And you," he said to Deidara, who looked up at him.

"You'd better go catch him." he said with a grin.

Deidara nodded, determination in his eyes. He wiped his face, jumped out of bed, pulled on some pants, and ran out of the room. Konan watched him go as tears flooded her eyes, and overflowed down her face. Yahiko sat down across from her on the bed. Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi looked terribly awkward, and shuffled out of the room quietly.

"Now. This was a sucky idea-" Yahiko began, and Konan nodded, moaning as she started to lose her control and cry for real.

"But what really matters is you tried. And all though dressing up in an outfit that you probably would have needed fake ID to get was not the best plan... It just shows how far you're willing to go for a friend. You were even prepared to let Sasori get the wrong idea, and lose his respect for you, just so that he and Deidara might manage to make up somehow. That's a lot of determination." Yahiko said as Konan cried loudly.

"And when the time comes, when this is all over and those two are back together like always, I'm sure you'll get your friend back. I'll bet that if he didn't respect and admire you so much, Sasori would never have said something like that. If he didn't like you, if you weren't such an important friend to him, he'd never have been so harsh." he continued. Konan began to quiet down, her face buried in her knees.

"However, maybe next time you should think of a slightly less drastic plan." Yahiko finished, smiling. He ruffled her hair. Konan raised her head.

"Why are you such an awesome dad?" she asked,hiccoughing and wiping her face. Yahiko laughed.

"Maybe I was born to be an awesome dad." he joked, and Konan smiled weakly. Yahiko glanced at the door, and smiled.

"Alright. Now I'd better let Deva take over. Oh, yeah, I should probably ground him for letting you wear something like that..." Yahiko muttered, grinning, as he stood up and patted his son's shoulder before leaving the room.

Pain sat down on the bed, right where his father had been sitting. Konan looked up at him and gave him a shaky smile. He scooted forwards and looped his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder, and tried again to stop crying.

"Hey. It didn't work, huh?" he asked quietly. She shook her head.

"That's too bad. Oh, um...Hidan said something about being shoved in a closet...?" he left the question hanging. Konan let out a watery laugh.

"That's right. Me and Deidara thought it was Sasori coming down the hall, but it was Hidan, so we shoved him in a closet. Then Kisame came, so we hid him, too. Itachi, too, so they were all in the closet. The poor piece of woodwork sounded like it was dying. Then your dad came-"

"Oh, crap."

"Yeah. So I had to explain to him that I was _not _cheating on you, and we hid him under the bed." Pain laughed, and Konan smiled, still crying.

"Yeah. And then Sasori came, and... and then it was bad." Pain rocked her slowly, knowing that it made her stop crying, usually.

"What happened?" he murmured. Konan shook her head.

"He...he hit Deidara, and then he left." she said in a choked voice. She hated herself. She hated herself for crying like this when it was all her fault, and she got exactly what she deserved, but cried anyways.

"If that was it, you wouldn't be crying." Pain said, and Konan could tell by his tone that he was smiling a little bit. "I hate how you know me." she muttered, and he laughed lightly.

"Fine. But first, I wanna ask you something." she said, raising her head. She wanted to see his face when he answered.

"Sure." he said, and she nodded. "Sasori said...earlier... He said that all of fourth year, you'd been 'dreaming of the perfect girl'. Is that true?" she asked. Pain raised his eyes to the ceiling and grinned sheepishly.

"I hate it when he talks." he muttered before looking back to Konan.

"Well, truthfully, most of fourth year I spent laughing as Sasori tried to get Deidara to date him."

"What?" Pain grinned, "Trust me, it was hilarious. But, yeah, I guess you could say that I was thinking about what I'd want in a girlfriend." Konan nodded, and closed her eyes.

"Right. And...and now I want you to tell the truth."

"Okay."

"Are you disappointed? In me?" Pain stared at her.

"You mean, 'Are you not everything I imagined'?"

"Uh huh." Pain shook his head slowly before looking back at her.

"It amazes me you have so little faith in me, Konan."

"That's not tru-" she protested, but he stopped her with a finger over her mouth.

"Yes, it is. Seriously. Okay, granted, when I was thinking about what I'd like in a girlfriend, those were the thoughts of a fourteen-year-old boy, but that doesn't matter. You have exceeded them in every possible way. Honestly." He paused to kiss her softly before continuing.

"Okay, sure, when we first met, you were a little smaller in certain areas than what I'd imagined-"

"You suck." Konan said, and he laughed.

"But that's all cleared up now, so it's fine!"

"You're terrible. An incurable case of stupid."

"I know, I know, and I love you so, so much for sticking with me and trying to find a cure for this stupidity. But I'm being serious. In fourth year, I could never have imagined how funny you'd be, or how beautiful-" Konan blushed and shook her head.

"Or how smart, and loyal, and awesome... Even now, in my wildest dreams, I could never, ever, imagine anybody or anything I'd want more than you." he finished, and kissed Konan firmly when she looked like she was going to protest. She kissed him back, as the last of her tears dripped off her face like rain.

* * *

"Sasori, stop!" Deidara yelled, sprinting after the redheaded figure ahead of him.

They were far from Pain's house now, running along a strip of beach. The sand got between Deidara's toes, and his bare feet were already bleeding from stepping on barnacles, but he hadn't stopped once since leaving the house.

"Stop already, okay?" he yelled again.

The edge of the beach came into sight as the coastline curved around. A hundred metres ahead, Sasori raced around the corner. Deidara willed his feet to move fast, running harder than he had his whole life to catch up. He sped around the corner, but skidded to a stop. Sasori was nowhere in sight. Deidara stared frantically into the distance, then looked at the forest above the rocks. Nothing moved in the trees.

"Shit..." he muttered, and began running again, slower, trying to see into the forest, checking behind rocks, and staring into the distance, as far as he could see. He couldn't see anybody at all. He sat down on a rock and looked at the ocean. He wouldn't cry. He'd cried enough for a lifetime in the last two years alone.

"Enough. Enough, now." he murmured, watching as the blue-grey waves crashed on the rocks and slid up the sand.

It felt like an hour, just watching the ocean, but Deidara checked his watch and saw it had only been ten minutes, when he heard a sigh. He turned around, expecting a hiker, or a beach-goer, or a dog.

Sasori was sitting on his rock, on the other side, facing away. Deidara stared at the back of his head, double-checking that it was him. He examined the layers of dark red, the curl just at the bottom, the messy cow-lick on one side. No mistaking that bed-head.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Deidara asked finally in a low voice. Sasori sighed again and raised his wrist, glancing at his watch.

"Ten minutes." he replied. They didn't speak for another ten, listening as the waves pounded into the shore with a slow, steady rhythm, always accompanied by a splash, which, to Deidara, sounded rather like a hushing sound. Like the ocean was letting the shoreline know it was time to sleep. It was a calming sound, and Deidara let it wash over him like the rain.

"Well, I'm content to sit here all day, but I bet you want to talk, don't you?" Sasori said casually after another long silence. Deidara watched a seagull dive into the water and emerge a second later with a fish.

"Yes. For one thing, I know you don't think that I actually slept with Konan, un." Sasori snorted.

"Of course not. You're gayer than Elton John."

"...whatever. I know you'll probably hit me again if I ask, but... if you knew that, why did you get so mad at me?" he asked, bracing himself. He heard another sigh.

"This morning, I came into your room to apologize to you."

"That's rare, un."

"I know. When I saw you with Konan... I don't know. I was shocked, to say the least, that you'd actually go and do something like that... to make me mad? To make me jealous? I'm not sure. But... I don't know. I've been thinking thing for a while..."

"You? Thinking? Impossible."

"Shut up. But the things I've been thinking... I don't know. I was just so angry, and kinda... desperate, I guess. I'm sorry I hit you. I can kiss it better, if you like." Sasori offered, joking a little to lighten the mood. Deidara turned pink and was thankful that they were facing away from each other.

"Not right now, un,-"

"So that's a yes, then?"

"Um...anyways... What were you thinking about? If you're thinking -a dangerous pastime-, then talk to me, un. Talk to me. Remember you told me that in fourth year?" Sasori laughed.

"Oh, yeah...right."

"So, talk to me. Tell me, un."

"Tell you...?" "Sasori, stop stalling. I'm getting cold, and I want to know what you were thinking." He heard Sasori scoot around on the rock.

"I'll keep you warm." he offered.

Deidara bit his lip, watching another seagull dive gracefully into the frothing ocean surface, then turned around. After dating Sasori for more than a year, Deidara had gotten used to what he would normally do. So he kind of expected Sasori to kiss him. But he didn't, he just gave Deidara his jacket and rubbed his bare feet, making little 'tsk' sounds when he found the cuts.

"Thanks." Deidara said, wrapping the jacket around himself, blushing slightly when Sasori looked up to find him sniffing the sleeves. Sasori smiled and looked back down.

"Talk to me, what have you been thinking? Stupid stuff, I bet, un." Deidara sniffed. Sasori's smile faded a little.

"I was thinking... I was wondering why you're going out with me." Deidara raised his eyebrows.

"Uh...because you asked me to?" he asked, and Sasori scowled.

"Exactly. I'm not even sure you really want to. No, let me finish." he said when Deidara tried to interrupt him.

"In fourth year, I basically harassed you until you let me do what I wanted to do-"

"_Now _you admit it, un." Deidara said, rolling his eyes, and Sasori continued.

"I mean, I knew you liked me, but... for a while now, I've been wondered if... if I just persuaded you. If I just kept bothering you and kissing you, until you decided that enough was enough and the only way to stop me would be to go along with what I wanted."

"So with Konan... I was trying to see if you'd get jealous. When you got mad, I thought it might be just because you were angry I'd cheat on you, not because you were jealous that I was kissing her, not you. So, even now... even now, you might have just chased after me because that's what everyone expects you to do, not because you wanted to. So, I don't know. I don't know that I didn't... just force you into this whole thing." he finished. Deidara stared at him. The seagulls began calling loudly across the ocean as a particularly loud wave smashed into the shore.

"I can't believe you're so stupid." Deidara commented. Sasori didn't raise his head.

"Don't you remember? Don't you remember the day I decided to go out with you? I'd have thought that that day would have erased any doubts you ever had about whether or not I liked you. If I was forced, would I have tried to God-damn hard to find you that day? I don't think so, un." Deidara said, patting Sasori's head absent-mindedly as he looked determinedly at Sasori.

"Honestly. If I was forced, don't you think I'd've insisted on you forking over money for me? Come on. You know how I am, don't you? If I didn't want to date you, you'd be bowing to my every whim, buying me whatever I wanted, and you'd consider yourself lucky if I slept in the same bed as you more than once a week, un." he said, and Sasori laughed.

"If you think you could ever have forced me to do something that I didn't even _slightly _want to do, than you must not know me very well at all, un." Deidara said seriously, tilting Sasori's head up to look at him. Sasori looked at him calmly, but Deidara saw the disappointment in his eyes. Deidara's expression hardened.

"You don't believe me, un." he said coldly. Sasori said nothing. Deidara narrowed his eyes.

"You, of all people, should know I hate it when people don't believe me." he said, and seized Sasori by the collar of his t-shirt, pulling him off the rock.

"Are you gonna hit me or something?" Sasori asked, slightly breathless. Deidara narrowed his eyes again, and scowled.

"Or something," he said, and slammed Sasori back against the huge boulder, pressing him hard against the rock.

Sasori gasped, swearing as back slammed against the stone. He caught one glimpse of Deidara's hard, burning expression before he was slammed against the boulder again, Deidara's mouth on his, dominating him easily, pressing him against the rock and pushing him up, scraping his back as Deidara kissed him fiercely, his hot breath in his mouth and on his skin, torturing his tongue and bruising his lips as Deidara's hands dived into his shirt, playing with his nipples before going up around the back and scratching his neck and tugging on his hair. Deidara only pulled away when Sasori was staggering under him, seeing stars.

Deidara grabbed him by the collar again and slammed him down on the sand. Sasori coughed, gasping for air, as Deidara followed him down, one knee on either side of Sasori. Deidara tore Sasori's shirt off, and tossed the shredded remains aside. Sasori had no chance to get his breath back before Deidara was ravaging his neck, kissing and sucking and biting, leaving hickeys everywhere he went. He grinded his hips into Sasori's ignoring the redhead's moans as he scraped his bleeding feet through the sand, flicking some onto Sasori's chest and rubbing it all over, grinning sadistically as Sasori gasped, his skin turning red and covered with tiny scratches.

Deidara pressed down on Sasori's hips again, and as soon as Sasori opened his mouth to moan, Deidara was on his lips, biting and tugging at them to get inside. It was like he was everywhere at once, abusing his mouth, sucking his neck, biting his nipples, grinding on his hips, sucking his fingers, pulling his hair. Finally, when Deidara seemed to get bored with that, he pulled Sasori up roughly, and dragged him into the water. About waist-deep, Deidara grabbed Sasori's head and shoved it underwater.

A few seconds later, he pulled him up again, and kissed him after letting Sasori inhale once. Deidara's tanned hands ran through Sasori's wet hair before trailing down his chest, twisting his nipples before stroking, ghost-like, up his back. Sasori was shaking from the cold, and Deidara soon dragged him out and up onto the rock again, this time focusing more on his head. Whenever Deidara would get bored with Sasori's mouth, he'd move to the ears, or the cheeks, or the neck.

"Deidara..." Sasori mumbled.

"Mm?" Deidara replied, Sasori's earlobe between his teeth.

"...you're a good kisser." Deidara let go and sat up, grinning wickedly.

"Oh, I know that, un. That's why I know I'm spoiling you." he replied, returning to Sasori's mouth to shut him up.

"By the way... did you try to drown me?" Sasori asked, his words a little muffled by Deidara's mouth, which at that moment was concentration on torturing his lower lip.

"A kiss with a fist is better than none, don't you think?" Deidara replied, and Sasori laughed weakly, still as breathless as he'd been ten minutes ago. Deidara never let him catch his breath.

"Do you think they'll be worried? We've been gone for four hours." Sasori said, checking his watch, which miraculously still worked after being immersed in water and bounced around on rocks. Deidara grinned.

"No. They're probably still talking about Konan's outfit, un."

"Oh, right, that was hot..."

"Shut up. You're supposed to be in love with me." Deidara said, rolling his eyes. Sasori glanced at him. They walked side by side on the sand in silence for a second. Although Sasori had initially insisted on carrying Deidara, because of the cuts on his feet, Sasori was too exhausted to get him off the ground, so they just walked. Sasori smiled to himself before shoving Deidara.

"I do love you. I love you more than you know." he said, and Deidara turned to grin at him, giving him a teasing grin.

"Prove it." he challenged. Sasori smirked and hooked his fingers through Deidara's belt loops.

"I will." he promised.

* * *

WHEEEEEWW! Okay, so that was a _lot _of SasoDei in a story that's kinda supposed to be KonaPain. Oh well. I know it's been forever since my last update, but seriously, I personally think this chapter was worth the wait. Just because I like it. But that's only my opinion, and I'd love to hear yours!

:D SailorNova


	19. Expecting the Unexpected

**Expecting the Unexpected**

* * *

Hello! Hello out there! Yes, you're not hallucinating, although it may seem like it... I have updated I Love! Hurrah! Rejoice! I know I did, after the struggle and exhaustion was over!

I meant to update this on my birthday, as a little present to myself, but today's the 1st of October, and I just couldn't wait another seven days until _next Saturday_ which is the_ 8th (my birthday)_ to update on MY BIRTHDAY! ...ahem, I'm a little excited about that...

.Anyways, hope you like this story!** I'll explain the title at the end of it, so it's not a spoiler!** I'm actually pretty proud of the title, and I thought about it for a while. Also, heads-up, I might change my username soonish...

Also, aren't you excited! This fic is... I'd say 83% done! Yes, you heard me, there's more to come. But we're getting there! There's just a year, and then an epilogue, and then... and then that's it! Except for my Konan Hidan fic, which was a request, which I will start as soon as this and Prov. are over.

My God, this is getting long... I'd better space it out. Anyways, sorry about this huge blurb, but I gotta say one more thing... I don't own Naruto. Okay I lied, two more. **THANK YOU REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU!**

_Alright, let's get crackalackin!_**  
**

* * *

"Were you in a fight?" Konan asked bluntly as soon as Deidara and Sasori came close enough to hear her.  
The breeze ruffled their hair, bringing the briny ocean scent with it. Konan wrapped her arms around her stomach, and wished that her dressing gown reached her feet, shivering.

She stared in disbelief at Sasori and Deidara's shirtless appearances, then took in the scrapes and bruises that covered Sasori's chest and neck. A lovely purplish bruise was blooming just over his eye, as well, and Konan looked at Deidara for an explanation.

"I wouldn't call it a fight, per se..." Sasori said, grinning at Deidara, who scowled at him, but bit back a grin as he turned away.

"Then... then..." Konan wanted to ask, 'Then, what _did _happen?', but the more she looked from one face (amused and teasing) to the other (bashful and embarrassed), the more she realized that she probably didn't want details.

"Alright. Okay." she said, and put her hands on her hips and turned away, starting back towards the house. Deidara and Sasori followed, mostly quiet except for a few muffled laughs.

"So, I'm glad you guys made up. I'm sorry, Sasori, for... for the.." Konan turned her head slightly so she could see his face, her lips framing the words that she was determined to say, but her voice refused to sound. He smiled easily.

"Relax, relax. I'd have done the same thing." he said, and Deidara and Konan snorted in unison.

"I find that very hard to believe." she muttered, and the sound of Sasori's laughter from behind her told her that she was right.

"Where are the others? Where's our tearful 'Welcome back' party?" Sasori asked snippily, just as Konan tripped slightly on a rock.

"They got bored of waiting for you," she said, her arms out like an airplane as she re-balanced herself. "So they went out for a game of pool, or something."

"And they left you here?" Deidara asked, secretly amused by Konan's bent-double airplane stance.

Konan nodded, "That's right. I've been feeling a little sick-"

"From guilt?" Sasori asked, and Konan directed a kick behind her that caught him on the shin.

"_No, _I've just been feeling off colour, that's all. But... yes, guilt, too." she admitted.

"Then, that was a completely undeserved act of violence!" Sasori protested, laughing breathlessly as the slope they were marching up increased.

"Was it this steep before?" he asked, pausing and looking back the way they'd come.

"No, but the beach path is flooded. The tide's up." Konan explained, and Deidara and Sasori gave a chorus of groans.

"What babies..." Konan murmured to herself, smiling.

Ten minutes later, they were all flopped down on the floor of the living room in Pain's house, with glasses of chocolate milk on the table nearby.

"When are we going to school?" Konan asked from one end of the room.

"Hopefully, never, un." Deidara replied from the bit of carpet by the sofa.

"Next week. It starts on Wednesday, but we should get there a few days ahead to unpack and stuff. New dorms this year, I think. Weren't they talking about a renovation?" Sasori spoke up from over by the telly. Upon hearing noncommittal grunts from both Konan and Deidara, Sasori rolled his eyes before rolling onto his stomach and glancing at them.

"I think they were. Shizune mentioned last year that they're adding more rooms to the girl's hall, so we won't have the same problem we had last year..." he grinned at Konan, who glared at him.

"I like how I'm no longer your friend, or even _human. _I'm just 'a problem'. Very nice." she grumbled, and he winked at her.

"Well, you're trouble. And a girl, which is just _alien, _considering that most of your friends... are gay." he said, pausing theatrically before the last two words. Konan laughed and rolled over, contorting herself so that she could see the others more easily.

"You know, now that I think about it... do you think that it's better that I ended up rooming with a load of gays than with a load of...er... normal guys? Not that you're abnormal..." she backtracked, rubbing her eyes as she tried to fight off exhaustion as well as a stab of nausea which had suddenly pounced upon her.

"Nice. Well, it depends. If they were assholes, you might have been gangbanged in the night. Or they might have been... normal, and you'd just have less-awesome friends, un." Deidara piped up from her left. Konan smiled slightly, and nodded before laughing.

"Right! You know, I really shouldn't have any problems in life, considering that I have at least _five _Sassy Gay Friends." she said with a smirk. Sasori and Deidara laughed, and then once again they all did synchronized rolls on the blue carpet, curling up in the silence that blanketed the naturally-lit room.

Konan looked up at the ceiling, then out through the skylight at the powder blue sky. She sat up as an uneasy feeling swept over her stomach, and the movement caused the room to spin. She breathed deeply through her nose, biting down on her lips as she felt sicker than she had in a long time.  
/

"Konan, are you okay?"

"Did you just..._throw up?_"

"Are you sick?"

"She threw up just before you guys came back, too, un."

Konan breathed deeply and wiped her mouth. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands and face before looking up into the mirror above the sink. Her reflection looked back at her, pallid and tired-looking. She opened the door.

"I think I'm sick." she said, embarrassed under the stares of all her friends and Pain's family.

"Ya think?" Annie exclaimed before Yahiko shot her a look.

"You should lie down, then." he said, and she nodded before excusing herself and walking back to Pain's room. She knew he was right behind her, but she didn't speak until they were both flopped down on her bed. She felt _very _nauseous, and her head was throbbing as it always did after she threw up.

Pain rolled over and placed his hand on her forehead. It felt wonderfully cool against her hot skin, and she closed her eyes and smiled very slightly.

"Don't move that, please." she asked quietly.

"You have a fever, don't you?" he asked, and she shrugged.

"I guess. I've been feeling sick for a while, though." Pain sat up and looked at her, worry on his face.

"Do you think you've caught something?" he asked, concerned. Konan waved her hand.

"No, no. I'm sure it'll pass. I'll sleep it off. I have to get better, anyways. School starts next week, and I wouldn't want to miss that." she said sarcastically, and yawned.

"Okay." Pain said, and lay down again, keeping his hand on her forehead.

"Can you grab me a pillow? It kinda hurts to lie flat." Konan said after a few minutes.

"Sure."

Two weeks later, they'd successfully left Pain's house (after a party and a big thank-you to Yahiko for everything), and they'd moved back into the school. Sasori had been right, and renovations had been made. Most of them were updates to the showers and lunch facilities, but the Girls' dorm had indeed been updated, which gave Konan an unhappy surprise.

"That's right." Shizune repeated, rocking back on the heels of her black Mary Janes. "This year, there are more then enough rooms in the Girls' dorms for you to sleep there. Those are the rules, and last year was only an exception because we didn't have the facilities to accommodate you properly. This year is different, so no ands ifs or buts, you're staying with the girls." she said briskly, then marched off, leaving Konan with her jaw dropped.

"Tough fuck, babe." Hidan said, clamping a large hand down on her shoulder.

"Actually, it's supposed to be 'tough _luck_', Hidan." Itachi corrected, walking past with his suitcase.

"Yeah, whatever." Hidan muttered as he steered Konan towards the lunch room.

"I'm not hungry..." she murmured, but no sound came out, so she didn't bother to protest more as they sta down together, meeting Pain and Deidara, who were at the table already. The others gradually trickled in as they finished unpacking, and they started to laugh and talk loudly as they ate until the news of Konan's official re-location silenced them all.

"This sucks ass." Kisame said, picking his teeth gloomily.

"Got that right... where are you going?" Pain asked as Konan stood up and clambered over the bench.

"I've got to... ask Tsunade something." Konan said, not quite lying, and she slipped out of the lunch hall. As soon as she was out, she walked as quickly as she could around the corner, and pressed herself against the cool, stone wall, clutching her stomach and bending double, fighting the urge to be sick.

It passed relatively quickly, for once, and she slid down the wall, seriously considering crying. She didn't want to, and didn't mean to, but she couldn't help a few tears escaping. This shocked her, because she was normally relatively steady, not usually one to cry over a simple stomach flu. Because, of course, that's all that was wrong with her.

She knocked on the door of Tsunade's office. It opened under her hand, and she pushed it open, surprised and a little nervous; Tsunade always made sure that whether or not she was there, the door was always firmly shut.

"Miss Tsunade?" she asked uncertainly, looking around the room. It seemed that she'd been redecorating: the sea greens and calming blues of the office were gone, replaced by leather chairs, dark red walls, and black carpeting. Konan had just decided that she disliked the change when a man she'd never seen before stepped silently out of an office.

"Yes? Are you a student?" he asked, his voice a little scratchy, but generally low and pleasant. Konan blinked in confusion before she realized that because of her... less-than-adolescent appearance, he'd mistaken her for a visiting parent, or something.

"Yes, I'm in sixth year. Do you know where Miss Tsunade is? I wanted to ask her something." she said, a little sharply, despite herself. She tried to sound nicer, and ended up sounding as though she'd got a head cold.

"I'm just wondering if she's available..." she ended her sentence awkwardly as the man drifted towards her, walking silently on the black carpet. Now that he was closer, Konan realized that he wasn't nearly as young as his voice had led her to believe. He was quite old, with large bags under his eyes, and dull black hair, that looked as though it had been cut in the dark.

"You will no longer find Tsunade in this office," he began, his hands behind his back, the starched collar of his black shirt poking into the yellowy skin of his neck. He looked as though he didn't get enough sun; not a pale complexion, but a rather sallow one.

"I'm...what?" Konan asked, not quite being coherent as she took in this odd man. He seemed as slippery as a snake, for reasons unknown to her. He spoke slowly, enunciating every word, as though he relished every syllable that slipped from his flapping, thin lips.

"She has been demoted. I am the new headmaster of this school, Mr. Uchiha." he said, extending a wrinkled, yellowish hand towards Konan, who unwillingly took it, her insides squirming as she felt that his hand was wet. She discreetly wiped her hand on the back of her jeans when he released it. Mr. Uchiha gave her a little smile, showing his tiny yellowed teeth.

"Tsunade has replaced the previous school nurse, who has recently retired. You may find her in the office four doors down from my own. Good day." he said, his low, scratchy voice now much more unappealing in Konan's mind. She thanked him quickly and raced out of the office as fast as her feet would carry her, not caring about the nausea that surged inside of her.

She raced through the door to the nurse's office, and found Tsunade sitting on the desk, talking with Shizune, who was holding a pig, that Konan recognized as Tsunade's pet.

"Konan! You surprised me." Tsunade said, making a 'hush' motion at Shizune, who shut up immediately.

"Hi! How... how are you?" Konan asked, jumping slightly as the door shut with a click behind her. Tsunade rolled her eyes and glared at the ceiling. She somehow seemed much younger, and more immature now that she was stripped of most of her authority.

"How do you think? I've got mister wrinkles in _my _office, and I'm stuck in this shitty four-feet by four-feet dump!" she complained, kicking over a chair, which Shizune soon righted, putting Tonton down on the ground. Konan smiled at the little pig, who trotted around, snuffling, and then remembered why she was there.

"You're the... you're the nurse, now, right?" she asked tentatively, very aware that this was clearly a touchy subject. Tsunade crossed her arms, trying to retain a shred of dignity, despite the pout that refused to leave her expression. "...Yes." Konan took a deep breath.

"Well, could you help me? I've been feeling a bit sick..." Konan began, tugging restlessly at her sleeves.

"Well, I might as well." Tsunade said grumpily, shooing Shizune and Tonton out of the way, and instructed Konan to lie down on the table.

"I feel like a corpse..." Konan confessed, trying to ignore the strange discomfort she felt while lying flat.

"Yeah, I know, right? 'Insufficient funds' my arse, they're just cheap..." Tsunade muttered, whipping a clipboard out of a drawer and clicking a pen impatiently.

"Alright, tell me how you feel." she said, raising her pen expectantly. Konan sighed.

"Well..."

Ten minutes later, Konan thanked Tsunade and Shizune, and walked out the door, not necessarily feeling _better, _but not feeling worse, either. Tsunade shut the door behind her, and put the clipboard down. Shizune read it over, then raised her eyes to her Mistress. Tsunade raised her eyebrows, and Shizune bit her lip.

"Do you..."

"I think so. I do." Shizune and Tsunade's gazes returned to the closed door, both thinking the same thing. Tonton snorted and shook his head, waggling his piggy ears.

/

"Did you hear? Sasuke's _gone!_"

"What?"

"He dropped out! He did!"

"Why?"

"Who knows? I'd ask his brother, but... he's kind of intimidating, you know?"

Konan listened in on the conversation of two now-fifth years behind her, intrigued and amused by their description of Itachi.

"Ooh, I know, right? Do all the Uchihas have such cold stares, or is it just them?"

"Who knows... but did you hear about the new Headmaster?"

"What are you talking about? I saw Tsunaboobs walking down the hall, just ten minutes ago!"

"Yeah, but she's been demoted!" The girl who seemed to know it all continued on, clearly relishing the way she was domineering the conversation.

"_Everybody's _talking about it. It's all over the school! Some relative of Sasuke's... who knows how they're related, that old bag... Anyways, he's taken over! I heard he's some kind of admin rep, who's been put in charge of the school! Tsunade's just the nurse, now!"

"Seriously? That's so crazy!"  
Konan silently agreed with the second girl.

"Yeah, I know!" the first girl said, in a rather naughty voice, which Konan found rather inappropriate for the subject. "But did you hear... about the other thing?"

"What?"

"_Everybody's _talking about it. There's this huge thing, it's super scandalous..."

Konan never found out what was 'super scandalous'. The two fifth years turned left down a different corridor, leaving Konan to mull over what they'd said as she marched herself to origami class. She hadn't quite meant to eavesdrop, but they'd been talking about something that interested her, and they had been quite loud, which made it difficult to _not _listen.  
She pushed open the door to origami, and apologized for being late.

"It's fine, Konan, it's fine, but... d'you think you could just drop this off at the office? It's the attendance." Kurenai said, handing her a paper. Konan nodded, and left again.

Origami was on the complete opposite side of the school to the office, so the walk gave Konan quite a bit of time to mull over what she'd heard about the new Headmaster from Tsunade and the two fifth years.

_It seems odd that such a change would have occurred without any forewarning given to the students,_ Konan thought vaguely, _but hey, what do I know about administrators and education stuff? It's probably fine. _

There was a funny sloshing sound and a muttering to her left, and she turned in surprise to see a very, _very _strange man shuffling his feet along the hallway, sliding a mop on the floor. Although it had never occurred to her that the school had a janitor, she supposed that it must, despite her never having seen any kind of custodian at work before.

This guy was wearing a grey jumpsuit, the kind you expect a retired Ghostbuster to wear, and he was moving so slowly that at first glance, Konan was sure that he had to be quite old. When she got a better look, however, she realized that he didn't look particularly old at all. Just weird.  
He was talking to himself, muttering unintelligible things under his breath, and the moment she realized this, Konan began to walk again, brisker than before, zooming away from the strange man.

Once she got to the office, she slipped the attendance sheet into the labeled box outside the office door, and turned around. She had just started to return to her class when she met Tsunade, who was carrying a paper bag, and had her forehead creased in a tiny frown.

"Oh, Konan, good. I need to give this to you." she said, handing the bag to her. Konan fumbled with it, surprised, and looked up at her ex-Headmistress.

"Er...what is it?" she asked, tempted to look in it, but Tsunade said 'Don't look at it now'.

"Why?" Konan asked, getting more and more confused. Tsunade cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips, as if she was trying to seem more assertive. Perhaps she felt that the white coat she now wore, as the nurse, held slightly less authority than the green, robe-like one she'd worn as the Head of the school.

"Because I told you to. After you came and talked to me about how you were feeling sick and things, I thought that at the very least, this might answer some of your questions. After you're done with it, please come back and see me." she said, and turned away and left before Konan could say anything other than "Uh..?"

A few seconds later, Konan turned around, and walked back to class. She passed the janitor on her way, and after glancing at him on her way, she frowned, wondering if it was just the lighting, or... Or was one half of his body... more shadowy, more...dark than the rest of him? She shook her head, ignoring the swoop of nausea, and pushed the door of her class open, the brown paper bag clutched in her hand, hidden behind her uniform's skirt.

Four classes and two meals later, Konan pushed open the door to her new room.

"Welcome home..." she muttered to herself morosely, as she looked around the tiny space. She was sharing the little 'flat' as one of her roommates had called it, with four other sixth-year girls.

Konan wondered how she had spent a year together with these girls, and she _still _had no idea who they were. Their names were quite mainstream, and easily slipped out of her mind. Konan reddened as she shoved her suitcase in the room and remembered how she'd called one of them 'Britney' by mistake. Her name was actually Syndey. Close enough, right? They sound similar.

After unpacking all her clothes and toiletries, as well as several pounds of origami paper and miscellaneous supplies, she flopped down on her bed, which was smaller and much less comfortable than the one she'd had last year. Konan rolled over and gloomily reminisced on the first day of school the year before, when she'd been convinced that rooming with boys would be the darkest pit of hell.

_In fact, compared to this dump, _Konan thought, glancing briefly at the bad paint job on the Neanderthal's-ass colored room, _it was perfect. It was... _  
And then she thought of all the fun times she'd had with her friends... when she'd been caught showering by Deidara, playing Truth or Dare, her birthday, Halloween, dancing with Hidan, dodgeball, Christmas, New Year's, finding a used condom in Deidara and Sasori's... _no. That wasn't pleasant. _Konan thought sternly, but she couldn't help but grin nonetheless.

She rolled over again, nearly falling off the skinny bed, and tried to muffle out the sounds of her roommates' voices with her pillow. She closed her eyes and deluded herself into thinking that she might be asleep, but she was roughly jolted out of her 'dream' when _very _familiar voices began talking loudly in her room.

"Hey, this room is total crap!"

"Jeez, why'd they make you move? It's not like you were a problem..."

"Oh my God, what's this paint colour? Neanderthal's-ass?"

Konan sat up and grinned at her friends, who were all crowded into her tiny room, looking around or else sitting on the bed, talking.

"Hey! Since when are guys allowed in the girls' hall?" she asked, pretending to be stern, and Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Get that stick out of your ass, babe. Where's _fun_ Konan?" he asked, pretending to look around for 'her'.

"Shut up," she said with a smile, tugging his sleeve, but her attention quickly switched to Pain, who was leaning on the doorframe, watching her.  
He crooked a finger at her, and she nodded, sliding out of bed and escaping the huddle of her friends, who were now discussing whether the paint was more Neanderthal or Homoerectus-esque. Pain and Konan left the room, and walked out down the girls' hall, heading for the main corridor.

"Hey there!" Konan said, quite belatedly, looping her arm around Pain's. He grinned at her.

"That's a _tad _late." he said, with a dash of sarcastic emphasis as he took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. She smiled and kissed his shoulder.

"I don't want to stay with the girls." she confessed with a sigh. Pain nodded, unable to refrain from teasing her despite the unhappy situation.

"Aw, poor Konan, wants to hang out with the gay guys." he said in a babyish voice. Konan clicked her tongue and gave him a sharp poke.

"Quiet. But yes, I do. I don't know any of the girls, and we had so much fun last year... and just think, if I hadn't stayed with you guys last year, we might never have ended up... together, you know?" she said, pushing some loose hair out of her eyes. Pain nodded, but said nothing. He raised a hand and lightly stroked her hair, brushing the paper flower in it as he did.

"Yeah... But, hey, that's not what I wanted to talk about. The mood's getting all gloomy." he complained as they pushed the double doors, exited the girls' hall, and turned left.

"Well, what did you want to talk about?" Konan asked as they passed a tiny group of first years.

"Nice melons, sweetie!" One of them called out. Pain and Konan simultaneously turned around, their expressions equally amused, but Konan's had a rather irritated impression. The boy who had spoken turned red, and scurried away, with his two friends jeering and laughing.

"For goodness' sake." Konan murmured with a sigh. Pain stopped and leaned against the wall. Konan felt his tug on her hand, and turned around to see him smiling at her, looking rather wicked, for reasons unknown to her.

"What?" she asked as he pulled her to him.

He kissed the tip of her nose, still smiling, and put a finger to his lips. She watched him, smiling herself, as he brought his hands to the ends of her hair, tugging on it gently, thoughtfully, then slid his fingers down her neck to her collarbones, then to the hem of her shirt.

"Do you think," he began, his voice quieter than usual, as if he were trying to speak only to her in a crowded room, "that after we graduate school..."

He took his time getting to the point, and Konan wondered if he was nervous, or if he was just being dramatic. However, the way his hands slid down over her curves left her with the rather amused impression that he was just getting distracted.  
Konan's breathing hitched slightly as his fingers lightly traced circles over her hips before sliding one hand further and grabbing her ass with a small smirk which changed to a quizzical expression as he continued his sentence.

"...you'd like to come and live with me?" he asked, meeting her gaze. Konan blinked.

"You mean... where?" she asked, stunned. Pain grinned.

"In a house." he said, and her eyes widened.

"You mean, like... a house... for us? _Our _house?" she asked, her voice rising to a squeak as the enormity of the question finally slammed down on her.

Pain nodded, and Konan silently congratulated him for looking her in the eyes the whole time; it must have been a rather difficult thing to do, considering that her shift in expressions must have resembled those of a cat having its tail stepped on.

"Like... you're asking me to move in with you?" she asked, her attempt at a lower octave failing completely. Pain laughed, and shook her shoulders lightly.

"Yes, _yes!_" he said, unable to stop himself from laughing at her expression.

"Will you?" he asked, covering his smile with one hand. Konan was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, and with one excited 'Yes! Yes, yes, please!', she had seized him in a tight hug, both of them laughing.

"Sorry to break up this little moment, but I'd like to speak to you, young man." a rather scratchy yet pleasant voice said in a dry tone. Konan and Pain broke apart, and looked at the new Headmaster in surprise.

"Me?" Pain asked, and Mr Uchiha nodded, smiling slightly in a way that made it look as though he were wincing.

"Yes, and it's quite important, so I'd prefer our chat to take place sooner rather than later." he said.

"Right. Alright.." Pain said, disentangling himself from Konan, giving her a private smile as he did so.

"See you later." he said, and Konan smiled at him and waved, watching as the two men walked away from her. She turned to return to her new room, but took a moment to jump up and down and celebrate silently; she officially was going to move in with her boyfriend.

Four minutes later, she was sitting on her bed, surrounded by boys.

"No way!" Kisame said, obviously joking; he had known it before she had, but he amused himself by imitating an excited tween girl.

"I know! I know, I'm so..." Konan said, smiling as she tried to think of an appropriate adjective.

"Happy?" Hidan suggested from his place at the foot of her bed.

"Excited?" Deidara suggested from her left.

"Horny?" Sasori suggested from next to Deidara.

"Yes!" Konan said happily before realizing what the last one had been. She glared at Sasori as the others laughed.

"_No._" she said pointedly. He grinned.

"Yeah, you are. I bet I know why he asked you to move in with him: more privacy. _Alone time_." he said, wiggling his fingers in the air. Konan's pillow met his face, and he shut up as the others laughed.

"So that's good... Hey, Itachi, did Sasuke leave the school?" Konan asked, suddenly remembering the conversation she'd overheard in the morning. Itachi glanced up at her. He was sitting on her chair, his knees tucked up to his chin, looking quite sombre, as he normally did.

"Yes." he said quietly, and Konan sensed that it must be a rather sensitive topic.

"Oh..." was all she could think to say; she didn't want to press it, but she was pretty curious. Luckily, Hidan, who has absolutely no sense of 'reading the mood' asked the question she wanted to.

"So, did he just go up to the Head, and say 'Fuck this, I'm outta here'?" Hidan asked bluntly. Itachi looked at him, his expression rather amused. Probably he was inwardly laughing at Hidan's total lack of social refinement.

"Not really, but yes, in a way. He said that this school wasn't 'doing anything' for him, or something like that. I'm not sure what he's doing now, but we'll meet up every so often to talk and things." Itachi smirked at that point.

"His many admirers are, naturally, heartbroken. I overheard two girls at lunch, talking about it. One was crying, and the other one said, 'It's okay! You can borrow my body pillow, it's practically the same thing! Only it's squishy!" Konan stifled a snort of laughter, as did most of the others.

"So, what are we going to do about this? Your room?" Deidara asked, turning to Konan, who shrugged.

"I don't know, honestly. Maybe I could sneak out at night, and-"

"Become a bed intruder?" Sasori interrupted, ruining the conversation as everyone chorused, "_He's climbin' through your windows, he's snatchin' your people up, tryna rape 'em, so you need to hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your wife... And hide your husband, 'cuz they rapin' everybody out here._"

A while later, the guys all trooped back to their own dorm, and Konan finally got around to opening the brown paper bag Tsunade had given her. A little packet with instructions fell out when she tipped the bag upside down on her bed. Konan read the instructions first.  
The first words she saw were in German, so she flipped the paper over.  
French. Better, but not by much.  
She turned it upside down.  
English. Good.

The first two words she saw this time made her choke on her breath.

Four minutes later, she was in the bathroom. Once again, she wished she was in her old room, which had a bathroom attached to it. This year, she apparently would have to walk all the way down the girls' hall into a large tiled room which was rather like the shower and toilet section at a swimming pool.

She shut herself into one of the stalls, and re-read the instructions, her mind still whizzing like a merry-go-round on steroids. She completed steps 1 and 2 before turning red in the face from humiliation while doing step 3. Step 4 was okay, because it was just waiting, but Step 5 was the one she had been dreading the whole time.

A plus.

A motherfucking pink plus.

Konan flushed the toilet, and stuffed everything back into the brown paper bag. She walked steadily to the sink, washed her hands, wishing she could wash her hands of the whole thing, and caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. She didn't even know how to describe her expression. She couldn't think: she realized that her mind was completely blank, and tried to think of something to think about, but absolutely couldn't.

As though her brain was a whiteboard that was completely erased, and all the pens were out of ink. She walked back to her room, flung the brown paper bag down with an unexpected violence and sense of betrayal. She flopped down on her bed, and tried to shut out the conversations of Britney and Chloe, or whoever the hell was next door.

The next morning, before breakfast, Konan was running along the hallway, interrupted only by one instance of dry-heaving, heading for the nurse's office. Her newly decorated uniform didn't feel as comfortable as last year's -mostly due to the style change (instead of a collared shirt and pinafore, this year they had a collared shirt, a sweater-vest, and a plaid skirt. The sweater-vest quickly became the most-hated item in the school.)- and she was severely tempted to remove the heinous sweater-vest.

She knocked briskly on the door, and Shizune, who was wearing a thick pink bathrobe, swung it open.

"Konan? Jeez, you're here early..." she said with a yawn, Tonton in her arms.

"Sorry, but I really want to talk to Tsunade." Konan said, and something about her expression seemed to unnerve Shizune, because she stared at her for a second before blinking a few times and clearing her throat, letting Konan in.

"Right, right. Here..." It was clear that Shizune had yet to get used to the fact that she no longer worked in a spacious office, and Konan wondered vaguely if she might be claustrophobic; she kept looking at the corners of the room suspiciously, shifting from foot to foot. Tsunade was sitting at the tiniest table in the history of the world, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. She was looking at it as if it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever set eyes on.

"Konan, you're here. Right." she said, nodding, but not taking her eyes off the coffee. Konan sat down in the only vacant chair. "Um, Tsunade-" she began, but Tsunade interrupted her.

"Did you... take the..."

"Yeah. I did." Konan said, saving her ex-Headmistress from saying the words out loud. She swallowed, and fisted and unfisted her hands restlessly.

"I did." she repeated, and Shizune glanced at her, a little concerned.

"It was just a precaution, just in case, we didn't want to worry, but just in case-" she began saying quickly, but Konan interrupted her.

"Positive." It was almost a whisper, like she was too ashamed of the word to allow herself to voice it properly. Tsunade gazed at her steadily.

"Alright. And how do you feel?" she asked after a long pause; she had done this sort of thing more than once, and she knew that it took a long time for the truth to settle in. Konan looked at her, unaware that there were tears on her cheeks.

"I feel a little freaked out." she admitted, smiling, as she wiped her eyes. Tsunade nodded, and Shizune began to make her some hot chocolate.

"That is normal. It may be too early to ask you this, but I just want you to start thinking about it. What do you think you'll do?" Tsunade asked gently. Konan thanked Shizune and sipped the mug of hot chocolate gratefully. As she thought about Tsunade's question, she put the mug down and shook her head, looking out the tiny excuse for a window at the grey sky.

"I don't know." she said, feeling as though those words were the most truthful ones she'd spoken in her whole life. Tsunade nodded, and took a gulp from her coffee.

"Right. Well, to start off, I'll have to ask you some questions." she said, nodding at Shizune, who brought over a clipboard and pen.

"Do you know who the father is?" she asked, meeting Konan's gaze. Konan nodded.

"Yes. Um... is it okay to say, though? Will he get in trouble?" she asked. Tsunade's pretty, pink mouth turned up in a small smile.

"I think I can guess who the father might be, if you think he'd get in trouble... Well, I won't give him any trouble, but I can't speak for the Headmaster. However, depending on your decisions, we might ask him to come in, just to ask routine questions and things." she said, and Konan nodded, and noticed with a small grin of amusement that when Tsunade said 'Headmaster', her expression and tone turned rather sour.

"Alright, then. It's Pain." she said quietly, the amusement from just moments ago fading away as the sadness and frustration returned. Tsuande nodded, and jotted that down on her paper.

"Okay. Now, the test you took was basically a yes-or-no one, but for medical purposes, we need to know when it happened. I realize that this is embarrassing to answer -and ask, for that matter-, but _when _exactly do you think this happened?" Tsunade asked, and as expected, Konan flushed slightly.

"...Right. I think... I think near the beginning of August. But... but this doesn't make sense!" she frowned, and looked up at Tsunade.

"We used a _condom_!" Konan knew that she had probably just said the same thing that thousands of women had said before her. Tsunade nodded.

"Yes, but they only work about 97% of the time." she said, writing something else down on the clipboard. Konan's memory immediately brought forth an image of Ross and Rachel saying the exact same things, on a _Friends _episode. Konan lowered her eyes to her hot chocolate, and took another sip, holding the warm mug in her hands. It was oddly comforting.

"And... are you going to tell the father? It's your decision, and it may depend on whether or not you choose to keep the baby, but it's something to think about." Tsunade said, and Konan suddenly felt a rush of admiration for Tsunade. Perhaps it was an inappropriate reaction to the situation, but it felt right.  
She sighed, her breath dissipating the steam that continued to waft up over the edge of the ceramic mug of hot chocolate.

"I don't know," she confessed honestly.

"Well, of course it's your decision, but," Shizune spoke up from behind her, "I think... well, I've known Pain for quite a few years, since I came here... I think he'd understand. I think it would be okay." she said in a quiet voice, knowing that she was probably saying something she shouldn't. Konan let her words sink in, and nodded silently, but she was still unsure.

"Well, I think we ought to give you a break, at least. Here's some medication for the morning sickness, if it gets worse. Don't take any over-the-counter stuff, because it might be harmful. If you run out, just come back here. In fact, come back if you have any kind of problems whatsoever, okay? And even if you don't, come in for a check-up at least once a week, okay?" Tsunade said, handing over a little bottle of pills and a page of instructions and frequently-asked-questions. Konan nodded dumbly, putting them both in the pocket of her skirt.

"Okay. Um..." she said, finishing her drink and standing up slowly, wary of potential dizziness. Shizune and Tsunade smiled at her.

"Um, what if I get sick in class? And will the Headmaster be told about this? I don't want people to know..." she said, surprised as her eyes filled with tears again. Shizune nodded understandingly.

"We won't tell the Headmaster, because our patients' information is classified, and if you get sick in class, just tell them you feel sick, and come right here. We'll give them a note later, explaining that you have the flu, or something like that. Don't worry, Konan. We're here for you." she said reassuringly, and with a final nod and a weak smile, Konan tottered out of the office.

Unable to concentrate during breakfast or any of her classes, she retreated back to her room after feigning illness to all her teachers. She stripped off the awful sweater-vest, and wrapped a blanket around herself before sitting on her bed.

She wondered if she should go back to class, but the thought of having to face Pain (who was in almost all of her classes) while she was still so confused and unsure of what to do freaked her out. She folded a couple complicated origami horses, then gave up and shuffled out of the dorm, headed for the communal computer at the end of the large hall.

There were only a few girls around, and most of them were talking in little groups, so there was no line for the computer. Konan switched it on, not sure what she was going to search, but as soon as the Google homepage appeared, her fingers moved automatically, typing in _Teenage Pregnancy._

Most of the websites she found were complete shit, or else they had headlines like, '_Why are teenage pregnancy rates soaring? Is it suddenly cool to ruin your life?' _or _'Pregnant teens are just sluts with demons in their stomachs' . _Not exactly uplifting, to say the least.

Konan took a deep breath and instead searched for '_I'm pregnant, what should I do?' _A rather lame and vague search, of course, but it gave her a little nicer outlook on the whole thing. She found a question site, and browsed down through the conversations.

Some were 21, and wondering how to tell their parents, others were 19, wondering how to tell their boyfriends... and several were under 15 years old. Konan took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Before... this... she would have judged them quite harshly. Even now, she felt like calling them stupid and reckless. But she didn't feel like she was allowed to, anymore.

Not now. Not now that she was in an almost identical situation.

Three hours later, classes ended. Konan pulled her pink Winnie the Pooh hoodie on and some sweatpants, and walked barefoot to the Boys' dorms. She didn't care that she was no longer authorized to be in there, and it wasn't like anybody would tell on her. She counted down the sets of rooms, admiring the new artwork that adorned the doors (a golden dragon, a large shiny eye, an open mouth with a bright red tongue, and Darth Vader in a Marilyn Monroe pose, to name a few.), until she got to two sets of doors with little silver sixes on the doorframes.

The one on the left had a large pop-art version of Mick Jagger (when he was young, of course) in his red and black striped pants, while the one on the right had a kangeroo wearing a 60s dress in the middle of a battlefield. Konan raised her eyebrows before pushing that door open. The others weren't back from classes yet, so she wasn't worried about coming across any of them doing...stuff.  
She pushed open Pain's door, recognizing it by A) his name on a sign, and B) the Johnny Bravo poster. She walked forwards, recognizing a lot of the stuff from last year, and flopped down on his bed. It smelled of him.

Pain came into the room ten minutes later, and found her curled into a little ball, holding his pillow.

"Why weren't you in class today?" he murmured as he took her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. Konan leaned against him gratefully. She was surprised at how happy his presence made her: she thought it would have been awkward, considering that she knew and he didn't, but it was reassuring.

"I didn't feel very well." she said, and he clicked his tongue.

"Aw, do you think it's the same thing you had before?" he asked, and Konan smiled down at her knees, rubbing her nose on his sweater-vest.

"Yes. I think so." she replied, and he patted her head.

"Oh, poor thing." he said comfortingly, and Konan looked up at him. His smile didn't falter, but looked a little confused.

"You look..." he began, and she raised her eyebrows at him. He laughed and finished, "Your eyes are in the streets." Konan frowned, then laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, sitting back, letting Pain have more legroom. He moved next to her, grinning as he explained.

"Sasori says it sometimes. He's convinced that it's a common phrase, but I'm not so sure. According to him, it means that you're thinking about something else." Konan laughed at the definition, and took Pain's hand, linking their fingers before holding them up to look at them with an odd kind of curiosity.

To Pain, it looked like she was just watching them as she thought, but Konan somehow felt that if she studied them long enough, if she understood everything about the way their fingers were connected, twined around each other in a way that brought their hands together, she might understood why things like getting pregnant by mistake happen.

Why anything unplanned happens.

They sat together in absolute silence for a long time.  
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

"So," Konan took a deep breath before continuing.

She had more or less dragged Sasori, Itachi, and Deidara to her room to have a little 'talk', not because they were the only ones she felt comfortable telling at this point, but because out of all her friends, besides Kisame, who was unavailable, they were the ones least likely to either let it slip at lunch or to give her some kind of big lecture, or harsh judgment. Plus, they were the only ones around.

"So, are you _ever _going to tell us why you dragged us to your room in the middle of the night?" Sasori asked in a bored drawl, staring at the ceiling. Konan pointed her flashlight directly at him, making him wince and shut up.

"Okay, we've got to be really quiet, because Britney and Christina might wake up if we're loud." she said in a whisper, and Deidara nodded in the darkness. Itachi was brushing his hair. It was about midnight or so, and (in theory) the rest of the school was asleep.

"Okay, this is really, _really _important." she said, looking from one boy to the other.

Deidara looked rather intense and interested (except he kept twisting his hair around his finger, which made him seem a tad distracted), and Sasori looked bored and tired, aside from his eyes, which were bright in the relative darkness. Itachi, meanwhile, looked mildly interested, but he also looked quite sleepy. As Konan tried to figure out what to say, she nervously clicked the flashlight on and off, until Deidara took it away.

"Okay. You two will be the very first people to know this, besides myself, Shizune, and Tsunade. That means that you _must not tell anybody_! Okay? _Nobody at all._" she stressed, trying to impress upon them the importance of absolute secrecy. Her friends nodded, and Sasori looked slightly more interested. His expression was now mildly intrigued.

"Now, this is very, _very _hard for me to do. I'm not even sure if I should be telling you this, but... but I honestly really have to. Because I need somebody to talk to about this, okay? So... so please don't freak out, and please... please..." she fell silent.

She felt an unreasonable urge to fling her arms around them, and never let them go. Because she wasn't sure that they wouldn't just abandon her if she told them the most shameful and difficult thing she'd encountered in her whole life.

"Keep your hair on, and just _tell __us_." Sasori said impatiently, and Konan rolled her eyes, crossing her legs. The bed was piled high with blankets, but it was a chilly autumn, and the school's heating seemingly hadn't improved since the year before.

"Alright, alright. I'm... I have a... I'm pregnant."

There was a pause.

"Are you joking?" Sasori asked, laughing. Deidara shook his head.

"Although Konan has taken several stabs at humour in the past, I think she's serious." Itachi replied.

Deidara's jaw had dropped, and his vacant expression seemed to imply that it wasn't coming up any time soon. Konan looked from face to face. Sasori still seemed to think it was a joke, Deidara's was... zombified, and Itachi's was serious. _Great combo, _she thought with a touch of amusement.

"I am telling the truth, you know." she said, looking directly at Sasori, whose expression just became bemused.

"So... so there's a _living thing _inside you? A...a...a...a _human baby_?" Deidara choked out at long last, and Konan turned red, feeling a little ill at the thought.

"Uh...in theory, yes." she replied, and Sasori finally seemed to grasp that he wasn't dreaming, and nobody was joking. He turned very pale, and Konan hoped he wasn't going to faint or something.

"Now... what do you think I should do?" she asked, her voice cracking a little. Although they seemed to have taken the news reasonably well, she wasn't sure how their opinion of her would change now that they knew.

"Are you considering abortion, or... or are you going to keep it?" Itachi asked, and Konan was immediately sure that she'd made the right decision in bringing him. He was sensible, and he hadn't gotten angry, just as she'd thought. She bit her lip.

"I've been thinking about that... and I think that I ought to tell Pain before I make those kinds of dec-"

"Wait... you haven't told him?" Sasori asked. He was frowning, and looked shocked. Konan shook her head.

"I... I couldn't. I wanted to tell you first, because it was easier... I just wanted help." she tried to explain the helpless feeling that had consumed her since the decisive moment in the bathroom, but words failed her, and she fell silent.  
Sasori looked rather disappointed in her, but Deidara spoke up, glaring at him.

"I know you think she should have told Pain first, but it's really hard! It's really hard to just go up and say 'hey there, I'm pregnant, how was breakfast?'! I personally think she's really brave to tell _us, _let alone consider having a baby, you know? Like... those are really hard things to consider, un! So don't get mad at her." he finished, giving Sasori a dark look before patting Konan's shoulder. She gave him a little smile. Sasori looked grumpy, and crossed his arms, but sighed.

"Sorry, then. I guess I didn't think about that." he offered his apology, and Konan smiled.

"It's okay." she said quietly, and looked at Itachi.

"So, I know that I should tell Pain. But... do you think he'll get mad at me?" she asked. Deidara looked confused.

"Why would he? It's his, right?" he asked suspiciously, and Sasori whacked his head lightly.

"Of course." Konan said with a little laugh, but then she shook her head.

"But it's hard. He'll... Like... we're really young to be having kids, and if it doesn't work out, then... then what? Then I'll be alone and then-"

"Okay, shut up, woman!" Sasori said, clamping a hand over her mouth. He looked at her seriously.

"Do you honestly think that Pain's the kind of guy to just let his girlfriend- the girlfriend he _adores, _by the way- have a baby, then ditch them both if things don't work out? No way. Besides, why do you think things won't work out? You guys _never _fight (which is pretty weird, by the way...), and didn't he ask you to move in with him?" he asked.

"Sasori has a point," Itachi brought up, and everyone looked at him.

"I've known Pain for quite a few years, and he's the kind of guy who's got it all planned out. He's probably already picked out all the names for your kids." he said with a grin, and Konan stared at him.

"But nevermind about that. Even if you two break up, and I highly doubt that that will ever happen, you won't be alone. You've got all of us, and Pain's family, to boot. Yahiko's pretty fond of you, so even if you and Pain split up, he'll make sure that you're fine." Konan nodded, feeling much more confident and reassured.

"Okay. Thank you, by the way," she said, smiling at the three boys who were crowded around the end of her bed. "Thanks for... for not getting mad, and for... and for..." she cursed herself as she started to cry. "Damnit..." she said in a watery voice as she rubbed his eyes. She wiped her face on the blanket, and got ahold of herself.

"Right, okay." she said, fanning herself.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" Deidara asked. Konan nodded in determination.

"Tomorrow. I think I should tell him as soon as possible." she said, and Itachi nodded in agreement. Sasori grinned at her, and put a hand on her stomach.

"So... can I be Godfather?" he asked, and Konan laughed.

"No way, you can't! You'd teach it to be a total pervert! I should be Godfather!" Deidara insisted, shoving Sasori's hand out of the way.

"Honestly, I'd think it would be safer if Itachi was Godfather..." Konan murmured, and Deidara scowled at her.

"Oh, we should be quiet!" she remembered, and they all said 'Good night!' in whispers.

/

The next morning, Konan woke up as a searing pain ran through her abdomin, and she rolled to one side and retched over the side of her bed. Thankfully, nothing came out, but that didn't stop the nausea from invading her stomach and staying there. She dragged herself over to her desk, and practically tore the bottle of pills open to get at them.

She read the instructions carefully while her stomach rolled and churned, poured a glass of water from her water bottle, and swallowed two of the white pills. After a few minutes, she felt quite a bit better, and made a mental note to 'chalk one up for Tsunade'. She pulled on her black tights, hoiked her skirt up around her waist, buttoned up the white collared shirt, and made a face as she pulled the black sweater-vest over her head.

She checked her reflection in the mirror she'd put up on one wall, and felt a little surge of pride as she looked at her handiwork; she'd embroidered two black 'K's with a blue butterfly on the cuffs of her white shirt, and she'd added the same blue butterflies all around the hem of her skirt. She hadn't touched the sweater-vest: it was a lost cause.  
She grabbed her bag of toiletries, and sighed wistfully, thinking of last year's private bathroom as she marched morosely towards the communal ones at the end of the hall.

As she brushed her teeth and combed her hair, she couldn't get herself to stop worrying about what she was going to tell Pain. _Stop worrying, _she told herself firmly as she walked back to her room to drop off her stuff, grab her book, and go. _If you worry, you'll just freak out more. So relax. Think of... think of relaxing things. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...' _ With that in mind, Konan smiled as she grabbed her books and walked out the door.

Britney and Nina were just waking up, and she said 'Good morning' before leaving. She pushed the double doors to the Girls' hall, and found with satisfaction that Shizune had already been round to unlock them. She walked to the Boys' hall, walked through, and knocked on both the doors to the sixth year boys' rooms.

One of them opened immediately. Hidan was wearing absolutely nothing but a towel, which was _very _low on his hips. Konan, used to this by now, said 'Good morning', brushed past him, and knocked on Pain's door. He opened it after a few minutes, and smiled at her. It was clear by his messy hair and vague expression that he had only just woken up.

"Good morning', she said, kissing his cheek, and walked past. He followed her, and flopped back down on the bed. After a few minutes of mental preparation, Konan opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a loud snore.

"...You suck." Konan muttered, looking down at her sleeping boyfriend.

Another chance came and went at lunch, when Konan asked Pain for a private word, but then Hidan had tagged along, deliberately trying to annoy her, for some sadistic reason of his own. Two hours later, school was done, and Konan felt that _finally, _she would be able to tell him.

"Pain... can I talk to you for a second?" she asked, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around and grinned. "Sure. Here, or?" Konan shook her head, glancing distastefully around the crowded hallway.

"Outside." she suggested, and he nodded, holding her hand as she led the way. Konan was glad he couldn't see her face as they walked: her expression was a little psychotic. Mostly because she was worried. They stopped by the stone wall at the front of the school.

The breeze was chilly, and Konan rubbed her arms up and down before unconsciously putting her arms around her stomach. She then caught herself thinking '_Better keep it warm', _and shook her head in disbelief at herself. Crazy. Pain looked at her expectantly, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"So? What did you want to talk about?" he asked. Konan, not for the first time, admired his confidence: she knew that, generally, when a girlfriend or boyfriend says 'Can we talk?', or something along those lines, they tend to precede crap news, but Pain looked as casual as if she'd asked his favourite colour. She nodded, for no reason, and scuffed her Mary Janes in the grass.

"I... I need to tell you something really important. And... and you might get... upset, but... don't, okay?" she asked, looking at him pleadingly. He grinned.

"'You might get upset, but don't.' There goes my free will." he joked, but assumed a serious expression when Konan only smiled a little.

"Okay. Um... Okay, this is hard... uh... I...I'm...I'm..." "I'm a squirrel?" Pain suggested, and Konan laughed. "No, I'm not... but this is so hard to tell you!" she said, turning away and leaning against the wall with a sigh. He stepped closer and took her hand.

"It's better if you just tell me. I might think it's something really bad, like you've suddenly developed gingerphobia." Konan cracked a grin and shook her head.

"It's not that." She exhaled and looked at the sky, before looking at Pain.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

AAAAAaaaand there it is!

Okay, to explain the title: **Expecting the Unexpected!**

Any guesses? Any of them? Any? Any ideas?

Well, the answer is that _expecting _is a synonym of pregnant, it's like you're expecting a baby. So... Konan's pregnant with something unexpected! She's pregnant with a surprise!

Okay, I thought it was genius. If you didn't... (sob) meanie! Kidding, kidding.

Please tell me what you think!


	20. Courage

**Courage**

* * *

Sorry for the long update! SOOOOO SOOORRY! I was writing a book, which I'm almost done... but I swear the next update will not take as long! I really hope you like this chapter... I'm actually quite proud of it, but I have to admite there's a lot of talking and inner monologue... please tell me what you think!

* * *

_I touch the place  
Where I'd find your face _  
_My fingers in creases  
Of distant dark places_

* * *

"I'm pregnant."

The words, so bluntly thrown out into the silence, hung there for a few minutes, like pirates in the noose, resonating in shocking finality.

Pain just stared at her, his jaw slightly open, his eyes wide. But he wasn't looking at her. He was looking, rather disconcertingly, into the middle-distance.

Konan watched him nervously for a few minutes before realizing that he wasn't quite there. She leaned against the wall and tapped his hand. He flinched, then looked at her. To say he looked 'freaked out' was an understatement.

"Are you..." Konan swallowed, not even sure if he would hear her if she spoke, "..okay?" she asked finally, and after what looked like thirty seconds' thought, he leaned against the wall next to her, only to push himself off and pace about for a bit.

"Yeah." he said finally, his hands in his pockets. He walked back and forth, occasionally glancing at her. His expression would vary from confused to disbelieving to accepting to downright terrified.

"Are you... how do you feel?" Konan asked carefully, linking her fingers tightly behind her back, to hide how afraid she was. Although she'd had some idea that Pain might freak out, she hadn't anticipated just how much it would make her worry.

Pain paused in his pacing for a second, only to restart again, running a hand through his hair, tugging at a piercing.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. You should be worrying about yourself, I mean-" he glanced at her again, and Konan felt a wave of hurt as she saw his eyes immediately flick from her face to her stomach.

"I'm not _scared, _you know. It's just a baby." she said scornfully, folding her arms across her chest, partly to show him that she wasn't having any of his pity, and partly because protection- of some form, any form- was what she wanted most in the world at that moment.

Pain met her eyes again, and this time held her gaze. He stopped pacing and stood still, facing her, his hands still in his pockets.  
He had formed a cool mask of indifference to hide the emotions that she knew were still raging within him. The indifference hurt and angered her, but she knew that he was just judging how she felt about the situation. _But I don't know that myself, _she thought, and looked at her feet.

"It's just a baby." she repeated, this time in a whisper.

_I won't cry, _she thought viciously, her nails digging into her arms, still folded across her chest, _I won't cry. _

Something in her expression connected with Pain, and in two long strides he was there, holding her tightly, stroking her hair, and murmuring comforting nonsense in her ear as she broke down and cried into his shirt. For a while, there were no sounds but the wind in the leaves of the trees and Konan's muffled caterwauling, which died down after a bit until there was no more.

"Your thoughts?" Pain asked after a long silence, his tone controlled, his hand rubbing her back. Konan sniffed loudly, her arms tight around him, willing herself to never let go of him, no matter what.

"I don't know. I'm really scared." she admitted. He nodded, but grinned in spite of himself, watching the leaves of the trees swaying in the wind.

"It's just a baby." he quoted her quietly, but Konan shook her head.

"It's not. To Tsunade and Shizune it's just a baby. A teenage-girl baby, but a baby nonetheless." she said, bitterness she hadn't known was in her heart spilling out through her words.

"To Sasori and Hidan and the others, it's a baby they can fight over, a baby to have fun with, to tease me about. " Konan felt Pain nod against her head, and continued, the words coming slower now that the uncertainty that had been lingering in her mind for what seemed like eternity was now being vocalized.

"To you... to you I don't know what the baby is. A problem, maybe. A regret, I don't doubt. A...a reason to run away from me..." Konan's voice became a squeak, and she wouldn't have been able to go on, even if she'd been able to find the words to express her terror and doubt, because Pain released his hold on her slightly, and tilted her chin up with one hand. He looked right into her tear-filled eyes, his gaze surprisingly determined.

"Shut up." he said fondly, and ruffled her hair.

"Of course I wouldn't leave you. Of course I wouldn't. What about you?" he inclined his chin slightly in question, looking straight at her. "What are _you _feeling? What do _you _think about this?"  
Konan knew that she couldn't run from the question. She pressed her hands together and tapped her index fingers against her lips, closing her eyes, as though not looking at Pain would make answering him easier.

"I feel.." she said slowly, thinking over what she'd been through the past couple days.

It all came out in an almost unintelligible burst.  
"I was so scared- when Tsunade gave me the test, I thought she was crazy, but then- and when I knew, I felt like I was an alien, completely different, it was terrible, and I don't even know who I am any more, I just feel like some stupid girl who went and got herself... I'm so scared, I don't even know what to do, I was scared of telling the others, I'm scared that everyone will find out... I'm scared of myself, and what's happening. I'm scared of the baby, I'm scared..."  
Konan swallowed, glad that she was done with crying, but she had moved on to a different level of emotion, and the ache and swell in her voice was painful.

"I was so scared of telling you. I'm scared of..." She didn't need to say the last word. Her hands trembling, she raised her eyes to Pain's. He was looking at her, his gaze so intense yet detached, seemingly measuring her, appraising her soul. He lowered his eyes, letting go of her, then scuffed his shoes in the grass.

"You're afraid of me." he said simply, but Konan ached as she heard the hurt in his voice, the hurt she hadn't meant to inflict, but he had felt it just the same.

"It's not like that," she backtracked quickly, finding it ridiculous that she was now comforting _him, _when by all accounts, it really ought to be _her _being consoled. He turned away from her silently.

"You're afraid of what I might say. Or do. Right?" Konan leant against him, back to back, staring across the deserted school grounds.

"Yes." she replied simply.

Simplicity felt good. The truth, in the fewest words possible, to suffocate the pain and terror more efficiently. _God, I sound like a pharmacist,_ Konan thought to herself ironically, then raised her eyes to the sky, watching the graceful dive and arc of an eagle high above.

"And what do you think I might say, or do?" Pain asked, quite conversationally. Konan replied calmly, matching his tone.

"To be honest, I don't think you'll break up with me, although I might be surprised. Worst-case scenarios, you give me an ultimatum, like 'me or the baby', or you force me to have an abortion, or you call me dirty names and tell everyone... or you could pretend that none of it's my fault, and lie all the time to keep me happy, but really you're not okay with it at all, and you'll start to hate me for ruining your life... really, the possibilities are endless."

It was so much easier to be frank when they weren't facing each other. Communicating without seeing the impact of one's words.

She felt him nod, and then he said, "Well, what do you want me to do? I can't say I'm not a little freaked out... but I want to know what you think about it before I say how I feel." Konan raised her eyes to the sky.

"Typical men." she groaned, and heard him laugh lightly.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, and Konan curled her hands into fists, put them on her hips, and assumed a low, manly voice.

"Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I can't share my feeling until I've had a few beers! Let the women do the heart-to-hearts, while I watch hockey and grow a beer belly! Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha!" she said, in her best Me-like-hockey man impression. To her surprise, Pain gave a genuine laugh, and turned around. His eyes were bright, and he was grinning.

"Alright, you've made your point. But do you want to talk somewhere else? We're kind of being watched."

"What?" Pain raised his eyes to the school, and Konan turned around, following his gaze until she saw them. From a third-story window that she recognized as the one near the tattoo art class, she could just see Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan's faces pressed up against the window.

"Those three are unbelievable." Konan mumbled, but smiled in spite of herself.

"Well, where did you want to go?" she asked Pain, who ran a hand over his jaw, a smirk clearly visible beneath his fingers.

"The beach."

xXxXxXxXxXx

The soothing sound of the wind blowing the seeds off of the long beach grass was welcome after the roar of Pain's moterbike, and Konan was more than happy to remove the helmet that seemed intent upon forcing her ears to be permanently squashed against the side of her head.

"Where are we, anyways? I didn't know there was a beach near the school... speaking of which, aren't we missing classes? I'm sure lunch is over." she commented, picking up a tiny shell from the grainy sand and running the smooth surface between her fingers.

"Yeah, well... I think we can both agree that this is _slightly _more important." Pain said in a dry, teasing voice. Konan marveled at his ability to remain so relaxed when all she could do was worry.

She looked out at the vast body of water before her, and impulsively tugged off her shoes and tights. She walked slowly in, flinching as the freezing-cold water seemed to instantly numb her feet and bite at her ankles. The water was greeny-grey, reflecting the colour of the sky, and Konan could tell that a storm was coming.

The rumble of the sky and the angry purple tint in the clouds above left little to the imagination. Far in front, the vague shape of the opposite shore was just visible, the crest of a mountain and the alarmingly angular spike of a bell tower breaking the wall of fog that seemed to be seeping towards them.

The roar of the ocean and the salty taste on her tongue filled Konan with a solemn sort of energy: without the school looming above her, she could forget, for the moment, that she was only a highschool student, destined for at least another year within the walls of education and adolescence, the threats of disapproval, punishment, and rejection gone from her mind, replaced by a sense of freedom.

Konan only felt the water when it was up to her thighs, her legs numb from her knees down, and stopped walking in. She was aware that Pain was watching her, but she took a moment to calm herself, trailing her fingers in the water that lapped at her legs.

She knew it was probably not particularly clean, but it was relaxing and cold, and was exactly what she needed at that moment. She heard a soft splashing sound, and turned to see Pain wading towards her, his pant legs rolled up around his knees, but already dragging in the water. "You're getting wet." she said, but her words were lost in the roar of the wind, and she doubted he would have said anything even if he'd heard her.

"So, are you going to tell me?" he asked once he'd waded far enough for her to hear his quiet voice over the wind and waves. He reached a hand out and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.  
His fingers were cold, but comforting and gentle, just like always, and Konan closed her eyes, remembering the first time she'd felt his touch, just one year ago... she could never have imagined that in just a few months, hardly a year later, they'd be facing each other, with a baby acting as a barrier between them.

"I wouldn't mind keeping the baby." Konan said lightly, surprised, because she hadn't meant to speak. It had just slipped out. Pain didn't react, clearly waiting for more.

"I mean..." Konan flushed and drew circles in the water with her fingertips shyly, exasperated and amused at her own reaction.

"I suppose I could give it to a family who can't have kids... but I think..." The wind howled, pulling her hair into the sky, swirling around her face. She could see a kite rising, rising up into the sky, far away. She met Pain's gaze, determined, and saw something like recognition, compliance, in his dark eyes.

"I think I want to keep it. It's mine, isn't it? If you don't want it, fine, I'll just... I don't know what I'll do. But don't worry, we... we... I won't..." Konan couldn't even find the words. Her hormones, overactive thanks to her pregnancy, seemed unable to take any more, and she instinctively wiped away her tears before they could fall from her cheeks.

"I hate this, actually." she admitted, sniffing and rubbing her eyes.

"I hate this. I hate crying so much. It makes me feel ridiculous and weak, when I'm currently trying to prove that I'll be fine..." she laughed shakily, rubbing at her eyes. She heard Pain laugh, and he punched her arm lightly. "Sorry." she mumbled, and tried to pull herself together so she could continue her speech, but he interrupted her.

"Relax. You're not going anywhere. I'm..." Konan looked up, her eyes catching his gaze and holding it. He nodded almost imperceptibly, then grinned.

"So... we're gonna be parents, huh?"

Konan opened her mouth to speak, but the only sound that came out was a squeak. She shook her head, overcome, and flung herself at him. He laughed and caught her, but her momentum was too great, and they both splashed into the water.

They surfaced, laughing, and shaking from cold, hugging and kissing. Konan's hand were sliding over Pain's body, feeling that she could never touch him enough, never hold him tight enough.  
Their clothes were completely soaked and heavy, and they eventually discarded their uniforms on the beach, paddling around, kissing and holding each other, laughing through the cold, shaking and breathing in short gasps in their underwear.  
Finally, Konan realized that freezing her ass off might not be entirely healthy.

"We should dry off..." she murmured, kissing Pain's neck, her arms and legs wrapped around him.

"I won't get cold." he mumbled back, his lips trailing over her shoulder. "You're my new jacket." Konan felt him grin, and smiled, too, shuddering, partly from cold, partly from pleasure.

"You might not be cold, but I am." she said, rubbing her nose, only just realizing that her underwear was probably see-through. Not that it mattered at all.

"I can fix that." Konan didn't even to look; she could tell he was smirking.

"Not saying that that's a bad idea, but..." Konan said, nudging the backs of his thighs with her heels. Pain heaved a sigh that wasn't entirely for show, and carried her back to shore, where he put her down. Konan stumbled slightly in the sand, then found her clothes, which, like her, were sopping wet, freezing, and sandy.

"Wait, what are we going to do?" she asked, turning to look at Pain, who was also collecting his clothes.

"I can't believe I only just thought of this... how are we going to go anywhere to warm up... in our _underwear_?" she asked, and Pain froze, then grinned.

"I think I can think of a place we can go... if you're up for a cold drive there."

`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`

Evangeline had changed quite drastically since the last time they'd met, but Konan still recognized her easily, mostly by her swaying hips and black rose tattoo on her shoulder.

"Hey, Pain! What can I do for you?" she asked in her usual seductive manner, licking her red lips.

Instead of focusing on her sickeningly obvious flirting that was jarringly brutish compared to Sasori's smooth pick-ups and turn-ons, Konan gave the girl a once-over, taking in subtle differences that seemed to have taken place since their last meeting, on Pain's birthday. Fuscia was apparently last season, and Evangeline was now focusing on burgundy and reds, mixing lace and satin.

Her love of corset tops remained, and this time she was wearing one that hid literally _nothing, _black satin stripes essentially her only covering as the rest of the babydoll corset was black lace. Her breasts were high and glaringly obvious, the way she liked them, accentuated by black lace _barely _covering her nipples.

She was wearing burgundy panties with a black and red hurdy-gurdy girl skirt ruffling at the back. Black lace stockings and garters drew attention to her legs, that were elongated by bright red dolly heels that were about four inches, if not higher.

Her makeup was different too. Gone were the bright blue contacts, and Konan had a feeling that the caramel colour was natural, but her eyes were surrounded by long lashes that were reminiscent of spider's legs, her lips were crimson and glossy, hearts and guns dangling from her ears.

Her tan was gone, replaced by pale clear skin with a dusting of sparkles. Her long blonde hair remained, dangling down her back in two high pigtails secured with black and red heart elastics. The hot pink streaks were gone, replaced by sparkles and a reddish tinge at the ends.

Konan's focus returned to their conversation -which turned out to be a _non_versation- when she heard Pain say her name.

"...and we'd like some hot chocolates. That okay?" he asked, and Konan caught his cool tone, something that Evangeline clearly didn't pick up on, because her lashes fluttered slightly, and she nodded, her eyes lingering on Pain's lips, before turning away and flouncing through the diner, hips swaying, headed for the table closest to the jukebox.

Pain took hold of Konan's hand, and she squeezed back, unable to believe that they were actually in a restaurant _in their underwear. _Thank God it was deserted.

"Business has been pretty slow since that death a couple weeks ago... bar fight, the usual." Eva said, flapping a hand dismissively as she laid the table and put two menus down.

"It's been too quiet for me... I get lonely." Konan resisted the urge to laugh derisively as she raised her eyes to the ceiling. Evangeline had to be the most obvious girl in the whole world. The only way she could more blatantly say 'I want to sleep with you' would be to have it tattooed on her highly-visible chest.

"Thanks, Eva." Pain said, and Konan smiled behind her hand, elbow on the table as she looked out the window. His tone did everything but push her away.

"Well." she said, almost like a pouting child, and sashayed away.

"I know this isn't your favorite place," Pain began, patting Konan's hand to get her attention, "but it's warm, and seriously, Eva would honestly kick other customers out to have us stay here." Konan raised her eyebrows and smirked.

"You mean she'd do that to have _you _here. When she saw you were hardly wearing anything, I swear she came right then." Pain ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed, but laughed anyways. Konan trailed her feet up Pain's legs, searching for some kind of warmth, and also enjoying his squirming, as she was obviously tickling him.

"Stop that." he said, shooting her a frown, but it was ruined as she pressed her foot against the inside of his thigh, and he twitched and made a funny 'Mmaaah' sound.

"So... I guess we should talk about this." Konan said, patting her stomach emphatically, fixing Pain with a pointed look. He stared at her for a second, then grinned.

"You sure were shy about it before... what happened?" he joked. Konan answered calmly, smiling a little,

"Nothing. I just trust you."

"...And you didn't before?" he asked, smirking. Konan moved her foot, and he flinched again just as Eva came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, with whipped cream and chocolate powder sprinkled on top.

"Here you go." she said, putting them down carefully, bending down a little unnecessarily. "If you need _anything, _I'll be right over here." she said, walking away, her long hair swishing behind her as she left.

"I don't think I've ever been so happy to see anything in my whole life." Konan half-moaned, pulling her mug towards her and rejoicing at the warmth of the china beneath her fingers. There was relative silence while they both took long drinks from their hot chocolate, a song that Konan only just recognized _as Lollipop _filling the empty restaurant.

"So. So... so we're gonna be parents?" Konan couldn't help it, the moment the p-word came out of her mouth she blushed.

"I guess so." Pain nodded, and Konan couldn't help but grin when she saw that he looked equally embarrassed.

"Have you... have you told other people?" he asked awkwardly, and she knew that the conversation that they were going to have wasn't exactly going to be a comfortable one.

"Yes." she admitted, then recounted how she'd gone to Tsunade and Shizune, then asked help from Deidara and the others.

"Okay..." he said, nodding, but Konan could tell that he was probably running through the day in his mind, trying to remember if the others had acted odd in any way towards him. It must be a hard thing, Konan realized, to find out you have a child _after _your friends.

"I'm sorry I told them first, it's just I was scared that you'd be angry, and I just felt so alone..." she said apologetically. Pain gave her a quick smile and sipped his hot chocolate. She could tell that he wasn't exactly okay with it, but he wasn't angry either.

"Okay. I think the next thing we should do... is tell my dad." he said, exhaling and pancaking his hands down on the table. Konan's head jerked up, panicked.

"No way! I can't tell your _dad! _I already had that really scary moment with him in the summer when he thought I was cheating on you with Sasori, and then... I totally can't tell him! What if he gets mad! What if he kicks you out!" Konan wasn't aware that her voice had risen in hysteria, but Pain just shrugged and shook his head, looking completely calm.

"He's not like that." he assured her, and she sighed.

"I guess. I trust you, so if you think we should, then okay... but I think what we should really do is figure out... uh... things like names and where we're going to live, and what I'm going to do... I mean, I can't let everyone at school find out! They'll... say things." Konan muttered, embarrassed by this stupid fear of being shunned. Pain looked at her curiously.

"You're worried about gossip? That's a silly thing to worry about." he said frankly, and she nodded.

"I know, I can't help it." she admitted, twisting her fingers in her lap.

"Well," Pain said, putting his mug down and giving her a smile, "I'm sure the others won't let anybody talk about it. If it's really a problem, you could always just stay at my house." he suggested. Konan shook her head, but was grateful for his support nonetheless.

"It's okay. But what about... what about after it's um... born?" Konan asked, stirring her spoon in her drink, watching the whipped cream dissolve into a spinning stream of white froth.

"What do you mean?" Pain asked.

"I mean, where are we going to live? I know you asked me to move in with you, but where to? What... It'll probably be born in like... April or May... that's before the end of school, isn't it? I can't keep a baby at school! And what should we call it?" Pain laughed.

"What?" she asked, sure she hadn't said anything funny.

"Sorry, it's just you." he said, grinning at her, wiping some whipped cream from his mouth. "Coming up with all these problems, then suddenly asking about baby names." Konan smiled, but nodded anyways.

"Well, it's important! I don't want everyone to laugh at our baby, because he -or she- has got a ridiculous name! But I also don't want its name to be normal..." Pain shrugged.

"Well, we do have like... nine months to come up with one..." he reminded her, and she sighed and nodded.

"Right. But what about the other stuff? Where are we going to live? And I'd really prefer _not _to give birth in the middle of class, thank you very much..." she said, annoyed, and Pain laughed again.

"Don't worry. You'll be at my dad's house _way _before that baby has any thoughts of coming out... and we'll take you to a hospital, of course. But we'd better tell Dad sooner rather than later... he never quite got over Naraka going off and having kids and not telling him until they were about six..." Konan's jaw dropped.

"_What? _You mean he didn't know he was a grandfather for _six years_?" she asked, shocked. Pain nodded, smiling.

"Uh-huh. He used to say that he'd written Naraka out of his will, just for that. But I doubt it."

"Are you two fine? Anything you need?"

Eva was back, her hip leaning against the back of Pain's booth seat, her eyes lowered in a way that made it pretty clear what she was looking at, and it certainly wasn't Pain's face. Konan had mostly gotten over her annoyance, and now just found Eva's attempt at seduction hilarious. Partly because she was so obvious, partly because it was plain as day that Pain didn't exactly appreciate having his personal space invaded over and over.

"Actually, no, that's okay, Eva. I'll pay you for the hot chocolate, though." Pain said, standing up to retrieve his wallet from where his pants lay with their other clothes, spread over the radiator.

"Okay." she said, following him over, her butt swaying from side to side. Konan mimed throwing up, then looked out the window again.

It was pretty awkward, sitting in a cafe with practically nothing on, but she hardly noticed, as her mind was imagining how different things would be in eight or nine months. Would the baby be born? Would it be a boy or a girl? Most importantly, _how much would it hurt? _She winced, her imagination supplying too many gruesome scenarios for her comfort, and quickly thought of something else.

Baby names.

Her hand had found its way to her stomach without her noticing, and she rubbed it absent-mindedly as she thought how sad it must be to emerge, bloody and screaming, into a world where nobody knew what to call you except for 'baby'. That must be as bad as going to school and everyone calling you 'human girl', because you didn't know your name. Pain returned a couple seconds later, carrying their clothes.

"Lucky us, they're dry." he said, tossing her clothes to her.

She caught them, a request to go to the bathroom on her lips, but then she realized that since she'd spent about an hour in her underwear already, there really was no point in opting for privacy now. She shrugged and pulled on her tights and skirt, feeling Pain and Eva's eyes on her and not particularly caring. When she was fully dressed, she glanced up to see Pain pulling his shirt on, Eva's eyes glued to his exposed flat stomach and piercings. Konan cleared her throat and finished her hot chocolate, quite honestly feeling ready to leave.

"Right. Ready?" Pain asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder towards the door.

"Yes." she said, flashing him a smile. She followed him out and blew a sarcastic kiss to Eva, who blew one right back to her.

"Where to now?" Pain asked, swinging a leg over his motorbike and starting it up.

"Your dad's house." Konan replied, pulling her helmet over her head.

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`'`

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Annie asked suspiciously, leaning against the doorframe, her thumb in the loop of her tight red jeans, a lollipop in her mouth.

"Aren't you?" Pain asked in return, stepping in, Konan following him, their fingers intertwined.

"Touché." Annie said, shutting the door and walking ahead of them down the hall.

"Dad, Deva and Konan are here. Say hi." she called, turning into the kitchen. Konan followed Pain in, feeling more comfortable as soon as she saw Yahiko look up from his crossword at the kitchen table and grin at her.

"Nice to know the money I spend on your education is usefully wasted on trips home." he said, half-disapprovingly, giving his son a stern look.

"Hey there, Konan." he said, waving her over. Konan sat down next to him, and he passed her his crossword. "Well, that's obviously 'remote', she murmured, quickly scribbling down words as Pain walked casually over and leaned against the counters.

"We've got to tell you something, Dad." he said in a relaxed tone that Konan envied. She glanced up at him, half-way through solving a box with 'cacophony'.

"You gonna tell him?" she mouthed, and he shrugged. She nodded, and returned to the crossword, glad that it would allow her to keep her head down, just in case worst came to worst.

"Well, let's have it then. I hate bad news." Yahiko said with a wink, sipping his coffee.

Pain returned his grin, but his eyes were clearly wary. Konan vaguely wondered exactly how scary Yahiko could be when angry, if even Pain was nervous. Annie had left the room, leaving just them in the kitchen, the warm light not particularly easing the tense atmosphere.

"Clever girl, you're making my efforts look simply pitiful." Yahiko said, glancing at his crossword, which was now much fuller than it had been when he'd left it. Konan smiled, but said nothing, waiting for Pain to drop the bomb. She didn't have to wait very long.

"So... Konan's pregnant..." Pain said, meeting his father's gaze steadily, his apprehension not showing at all except for his fingers, that traced the tops of his pockets incessantly.

There was a heavy silence, in which Yahiko took another sip from his coffee, Konan doodled while trying to think of the first name of the English king who had died on the toilet, and Pain tapped his thighs. Finally, Yahiko finished his coffee and put it down with a sense of conclusive finality.

"I see." he said, then was silent for a while. Pain actually sat down and helped Konan with the crossword for a bit, but it all felt very showy; she didn't know about Pain, but Konan herself felt too on-edge to think about a synonym for concrete.

"Well, I'm glad you told me." Yahiko said at last, and Konan chanced a look at him. She hadn't expected him to be happy, not at all, but his expression was completely neutral, the way Pain's was whenever he wasn't sure if he could keep his emotions in check.

"I could give you a huge speech about how reckless the two of you have been, and how much responsibility the two of you will have from now on, but... I think you can imagine that for yourselves." He sighed and leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his spiky orange hair in a way that was nearly identical to Pain.

"I assume you're going to keep the baby?" he asked.

"Of course." Konan said, even though she'd briefly considered getting an abortion, just hours ago.

"Right. Well. I don't exactly want to say 'congratulations', but... I'm looking forward to explaining to the little menace that its parents are idiots." he admitted, giving Konan and Pain a light smile. Just with those few words, Konan could tell that he wasn't angry. A weight seemed to lift from her shoulders, and she smiled at Pain, who grinned back.

"Alright. So, how many more months do we have to wait for the little monster?" Yahiko asked, his voice considerably louder now that the tension was gone.

"About eight or so." Konan answered, ticking the year away on her fingers to check.

"Uh-huh." Yahiko said with a nod, standing up and walking around. Konan was struck yet again with how similar Yahiko and Pain's mannerisms were; pacing when they were trying to think, black expressions when they were unsure of their emotions, smiling to ease the tension... just how many similarities were there?

"And you're gonna come here sooner or later, right?" he asked, drumming his fingers on the back of Konan's chair. She turned around, embarrassed.

"Well, if that's alright with you..." Yahiko laughed gaily and through his arms up.

"Darling, it'll be lovely! No problem, I'd be insulted if you went anywhere else. Now, the school nurse knows about this, I presume?"

"Yes, Konan went to her first." Pain replied, and Yahiko nodded.

"Good. Okay."

A brief dizzy sensation swept over Konan, and she rose to her feet, excusing herself to the bathroom. It simply wouldn't do to be sick in the middle of Pain and Yahiko's father-son moment. She trotted to the restroom and bent over the sink, bracing herself, looking in the mirror, taking deep breaths until the nausea went away. She dug in her pocket for one of the pills Tsunade had given her, and pulled out a small ziplock bag full of them.  
She opened it, popped one in her mouth, and swallowed it down with a glass of water. She replaced the bag in her pocket, ran a hand ruefully through her wet hair that hung like vines down from her face, and left the washroom, returning to the kitchen.  
She paused just by the door, listening for a moment to make sure it was a good time to enter the room.

"...and have you thought about marrying her?" Yahiko's voice, and apparently it would be _very _awkward to come in at the moment. She leaned against the wall, listening, only half-aware that her heartbeat had sped up.

"Yeah, actually..."

Okay, much more awkward to just listen.

Exaggerating her footsteps, Konan entered the room, smiling brightly. She knew she must be blushing, but didn't try to hide it- how could she? Yahiko grinned at her, but her eyes were on Pain, who was scuffing his feet on the hardwood floor, looking positively embarrassed.  
It was silent for a moment, until Yahiko rubbed his hands together and said, "So, planning on going back to school anytime soon?"

"If my name was Frou Frou... and I was a teddy... I would like to say moo... and get really sweaty..."

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Konan asked, leaning in the doorway. Hidan, who was sitting on the floor in lotus position, jumped and turned around.

"Konan! Hey! Don't sneak the fuck up on me like that, you bitch! C'mere." he said, his tone turning fond after his original annoyance had faded. Konan grinned and got on her hands and knees, crawling towards him.

"Hey, you." Hidan said, grinning and ruffling her hair, giving her a tight hug. "Where the fuck did you go? Pain's house, I guess? Uchihard-on was looking for you, but everyone told him to fuck himself, so he gave up. Plus, Tsunaboobs was like 'oh my God, don't be all pissy, she's sick and things', so yeah." he shrugged, and Konan laughed.

"I didn't know Mr Uchiha cared." Konan said, pretending to be touched, then frowned.

"Hey."

"Hey what?"

Her eyes narrowed, and she tapped Hidan's nose thoughtfully.

"Fuck- stop that!"

"Is he related to Itachi... and Sasuke?" she asked. Hidan snorted, pushing her hand away.

"Hell, you're more of a jagoff than me, aren't ya? 'Course he is. Great-great-great-great-uncle, or some shit like that. All Itachi said was that he's really old, or something, and that they don't get along. That's as plain as Kakuzu's asshole, isn't though?" Hidan shook his head, and Konan arched an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't know, I've never seen it." she said drily, and Hidan laughed loudly, scratching his bare chest.

"Hey..." Konan said, glancing down before quickly raising her gaze again. "Put on some clothes." Hidan looked at her as though she were crazy.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" he asked, grabbing his open bottle of beer and swigging it. He wiped his mouth and tossed the empty bottle in the trash across the room, his purplish-red eyes looking at Konan challengingly. Konan got to her knees, a little annoyed, but mostly amused.

"Because I'm a pregnant woman and I don't want to see you completely naked!" she yelled, shoving him over. He rolled away towards his wardrobe, laughing, and finally rolled back in some sweatpants.

"Happy now?" he asked, spreading his arms as if presenting himself. Konan crossed her arms and smirked. "It'll do." she said, knowing that it would probably take some serious persuasion to get Hidan into a shirt out of classes.

"Better be." he muttered, a crooked smirk on his mouth as he cracked open another beer.

"Hey, don't pretend you don't think I'm sexy. I'm a sexy bitch, you'd better believe it." he said, giving her a nod and a wink, which she returned.

"Not just a sexy bitch, Hidan. You're _my _sexy bitch." she grinned, putting her finger under his chin and flicking up. He laughed, tipped back his bottle, then paused. Slowly, he put the bottle down and pointed an accusatory finger at her, his eyes narrowing.

"Hey... did you say that you're... _pregnant_?" he asked, his eyes widening.

"Finally. I didn't think you were as much of a slow jagoff as me." Konan said, a teasing tone in her voice. It was much easier to talk about her condition now that the hardest person to tell knew. Hidan stared at her for a few more minutes before throwing his head back and roaring with laughter.

"Damn, you freaked me the fuck out! I thought you were... Oh, fuckin' hell... you're actually pregnant? You're not joking?" he asked, running a hand through his slick pale hair.

"No joke." He puffed out his cheeks, then blew out, shaking his head. "Oh, motherfuck... well that's a shocker. You gonna be okay? Does Pain know? You keepin' the monster?" The corners of his mouth tipped up, and she grinned and nodded, yes to everything.

"Alright, alright. Get out of here, you pregnant bitch." he said, laughing, and shooed her out of the room.

"See ya, sexy." he called after her, and she laughed, walking next into Sasori's room, where she knew Deidara would be, too.

They already knew, of course, but there was no harm in spending a bit of time with her two best friends... She pushed the door open, and walked in. 

_Okay, maybe there _is _harm in spending time with my two best friends, _she thought as her eyes fell upon one of the most libidinous and embarrassing scenes she had seen in her life.

Deidara had apparently tired of being the eternal bottom, and had tied Sasori's hands to the top of the bed with his belt. Sasori's red hair was messier than usual, his cheeks were pink, and he was panting lightly. His pants were unzipped and riding low on his hips, rumpled, making it obvious that someone was trying to get them off.

That someone seemed to have just been crawling up Sasori's body, his arms and legs on either side of Sasori's chest, his teeth leaving marks on the skin, his tongue teasing all it found. Deidara's hair was out of its perpetual half-ponytail, falling in sleek curtains down his back, shielding his face from view and effectively blocking his view of Konan. She stood in the doorway, somehow frozen, staring as Deidara crawled forward, biting at Sasori's neck. Sasori moaned, and heat shot straight at Konan's legs. She jumped and banged her knees together, biting down on one hand to stay silent.

Sasori tossed his head to one side, wrestling against his restraints. The way his feet dug at the blankets, Konan could tell he was dying to break free and grab Deidara, probably to do some nasty things to him. Sasori's face was tipped towards Konan now, only six or so feet away, Deidara's hands in his hair, still busy at his neck. Finally, Sasori opened his eyes. To his credit, he didn't start or anything, he just looked calmly at Konan, then smirked.

"Deidara, we've got company." he said conversationally, despite the fact that he was still panting, obviously as turned on as shit. Deidara made an indistinguishable sound, and Sasori moaned loudly.

"No, no- Konan's here." he said breathlessly, and Deidara immediately froze, still as a statue. He sat back and stiffly looked towards the door, where Konan was still standing awkwardly. She waved. Deidara's face turned pink. Konan didn't need a mirror to know that her face camouflage easily against a firetruck.

"What's up?" Sasori asked casually, waving a hand from where it was tied at the top of the headboard. Deidara cleared his throat uncomfortably and undid the belt binding Sasori's wrists.

"Hey.." Konan said, wondering if it would be more awkward if she were to leave or to stay. She decided that while it would probably have been best if she'd left before they'd noticed her there, it was now no use to go, so she leaned against the wall and smiled.

"Sorry to interrupt..." she said, much too belatedly, "but I just wanted to let you know that I told Pain, and his dad, so it's all okay now."

"That's great!" Sasori said, and Deidara nodded.

"Yeah! We'll come and celebrate with you... later, un." Konan got the hint.

"Right. Have fun!" she said, backing out of the room and shutting the door.

"Oh, we will.." Sasori said after she left, so for good measure, Konan grabbed a sticky note and Sharpie from Hidan's room and put a note saying _DO NOT DISTURB THE MADLY IN LOVE FREAKS IN HERE _on the door, then knocked on Itachi's door.

She wondered briefly if she should really tell everyone, but then she remembered that she and Pain had discussed it, and had agreed that on the whole, it was better for everyone to know, just in case something unexpected happened. So when Itachi said 'come in', she did, and sat down on the floor, looking up at Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu.

"Well, I guess I can just tell all of you right now," Konan said, clearing her throat. "First of all, I'm pregnant." Shocked look from Kisame, slight surprise from Kakuzu, Itachi merely nodded, as he had already known.

"It's Pain's baby, of course." she said, just in case there was any danger of them getting the wrong idea. "And we're going to keep it." Silence. Absolute silence, until Itachi put down his cards and folded his arms.

"Well, that's some nice news." he said earnestly, in that quiet way of his.

Konan gave him a little smile, then redirected her gaze to Kisame, who seemed to be the most surprised of the group. After a few more seconds of thinking, his face split into a wide, sharp-toothed smile, and he got up off the bed with a rather bear-like roar and seized Konan into a rib-cracking hug.

"That's great!" he said encouragingly, ruffling Konan's hair before leaving the room.

"Pain! You old rascal, where the hell are you? How could you not _tell _me-" he called, walking down the hall. Kakuzu dropped his cards in annoyance.

"How the hell am I supposed to earn a profit just playing with you?" he asked, looking ruefully at Itachi. "You've got a poker face like wooden post." he grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Sorry." Itachi said, not looking particularly sorry.  
Kakuzu's eyes met Konan's, and a sort of smile seemed to appear on his face.

"Well, hey." he said, with a shrug. "At least now I'll know that if you start getting _really fat, really quickly, _you have a good excuse."

She laughed, and excused herself, following the sound of Kisame's laughter to where Pain was lying on his bed, arm-wrestling Kisame for some boyish reason. She walked in the door and sat on the floor, watching them struggle until Kisame finally won.

"Hah! Eat that, you bastard!" Kisame cheered, backing out of the room, doing a little victory dance. Pain laughed, then looked at Konan.

"I let him win." he said with a modest shrug.

"Uh-huh." Konan said, raising her eyebrows. Pain laughed.

"Sheesh, my own girlfriend doesn't believe me! Has the world really come to this?" he said melodramatically, clutching at his chest and raising a hand imploringly to the sky.

"Yeah, yeah, Hamlet. Put a sock in it." Konan said, clambering up onto the bed into Pain's arms, which he wrapped around her, pulling her close against his chest.

"You're so nice." he murmured sarcastically, and she bit him playfully.

"Vampire." he said, petting her hair affectionately. She snuggled closer, and they sat there, content in each others arms for a long time.  
Finally, Konan yawned (she had actually fallen asleep), then asked, "Okay, if you had to pick one boy name and one girl name, which would you pick?" Pain thought about it for a second.

"For _our _kid, or just... names I like?" Konan shrugged.

"Either. Both. Two names you like, then."

"Okay. For a boy...Mick Jagger. For a girl... Mellow." Konan stifled a giggle.

"What's funny?" Pain asked sulkily.

"Nothing, nothing... you just have really... silly...favourite names..." she said, unable to stop little snorts of laughter from escaping her hands that were pressed over her mouth.

"Well, fine. What are two names _you _like, then?" Pain asked, a bit reproachfully, and Konan hummed while she thought.

"Ummmm... Trunks and Billie Jean." Pain laughed.

"What? They're fine!" Konan insisted, but he kept laughing until she finally got annoyed and shoved him.

"Sorry, sorry... but you just came up with the most ridiculous names ever... I mean, _Trunks? _Is that like elephant trunks or a traveling trunk?" he asked, poking her side playfully. Konan's expression remained sour. "Neither." she said flatly.

"He's my favourite character from Dragon Ball, thank you very much. And you're one to talk! I mean, _Mick Jagger? Mellow? _The poor thing would be picked on their whole life!" she exclaimed. It was Pain's turn to defend himself.

"No way! Mick Jagger just happens to be the most awesome senior citizen in the whole world! And those black and red striped pants? Those are so cool! And Mellow is perfectly fine. It's like Marshmallow, only... without the marsh, and with an e instead of an a." Konan rolled her eyes.

"Right. I can just imagine it now, our daughter explaining at school that her name is 'like marshmallow without the marsh.'" Konan said, face-palming. Pain grinned.

"Well, it could be worse. She could walk through life, constantly followed by an incessant chorus of '_Billie Jean is not my lover... she's just a girl who thinks that I am the one...', _or our son could constantly explain that his name is _not _a vaguely common pluralized noun, but a name." Konan scowled.

"Yeah, but better that than be constantly demanded to show his 'moves like Jagger', or to sing 'Beast of Burden' at talent shows, or something!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah... what I've gathered from this conversation is that _neither _of you should name your kid. No matter what."

Pain and Konan both sat up with a start, and stared at the door, where Sasori was standing in the doorway, his boxers riding low on his hips, his hair messy, his cheeks pink, on the whole looking like he'd just rolled out of a very sexy bed.  
Which, Konan reminded herself, he had.

"Well, what would you name _your _kid?" she asked, her feelings kind of stepped on, but actually curious. Sasori ran a hand through his bedhead, glanced at the ground, then raised his gaze, bedroom eyes on 100%, and smirked.

"Let's see. For a guy... Sexbomb."

Konan swallowed a shriek of laughter, but Pain wasn't fast enough. He covered by turning his laugh into a cough, but Sasori knew and grinned.

"And for a girl..." His expression softened slightly, but he crossed his arms and raised his chin, like he was challenging them to think he was being cute. "Deirdre."

The meaning of that one word sunk in slowly, and Konan understood just before Pain. She leaned back against his chest with a sigh and a huge smile, unable to stop looking at Sasori as though he were the cutest thing in the whole wide world. Pain realized, too, and grinned. Sasori stood there, his arms crossed, glaring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh at the sentimental hot guy..." he said with a sigh as he strolled away back to his room, where Deidara was inevitably waiting.

`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'

Two weeks later, Konan was beginning to get uneasy.

Though her morning sickness was mostly bearable and controllable thanks to Tsunade's pills, her frequent trips to the nurse's office did not go unnoticed for long, and though she didn't speak to many people, and when they asked she said she was anemic, rumors began to spread like wildfire throughout the school.

One morning Konan walked to the bathroom to find the crowded room become silent the moment she stepped through the door. This didn't bother her until she heard the whispers around her in hallways, in classes, at lunch, where the mouths were less careful of which ears overheard their words.

Anorexia, bulimia were both discussed and dismissed, as her figure contradicted them. Mental illnesses were eagerly explored until interest faded as new ideas cropped up. AIDS, herpes, chlamydia, mono- each had its own moment in the limelight of gossip until the tongues of interest that had licked at them for so long lost their taste for it and let it fall into the dust.

While Konan often didn't listen, and her friends would always either politely -or less politely- tell the speakers to shut up, she began to wonder if she was going crazy. Whispering voices echoed in her head, even in the silence of her bedroom she was not alone. Serpentine tongues flicking out from the grotesquely altered, grinning faces of her classmates haunted her dreams.

She would wake up in the morning, gasping for air, nausea gripping her stomach, bathed in sweat and looking for the source of the whispers that hissed and buzzed in a constant rumble within the confines of her skull. She would collapse to the floor, clutching at her head, screaming silently as the words filled and filled and filled her mind, gnawing at her brain, drilling into her skull.

Tsunade prescribed painkillers and anti-stress medication, but became concerned with Konan's stress levels. Her concern became more apparent as soon as the voices of Konan's mother and father, and Bill, and the men she'd killed with her own hands joined the ranks of the condemning whispers that shrieked and moaned, simmering away in her mind.

Visions of her father, dead, blood spilling out of the gunshot wound in his chest, the man she'd asphyxiated, the neck she'd broken between her thighs, the mutilated bodies of Hidan's victims, the madness that had eaten away at her mother for so many years...

Konan would lie on the floor in Tsunade's office, screaming and thrashing around until Shizune took pity on her and gave her morphine.

This cycle went on for about a week; the gossip, the voices, the visions, the sickness, finally the morphine. Pain was the most worried out of anyone about it, and would often stick to Konan like glue between classes, knocking out anyone who said a word. But detentions would separate them, and after the first few days, he gave up hitting them and just silenced them with murderous looks.

But Konan's stress levels were higher than they'd been in months, and as soon as she'd relaxed, the visions would start again, and each time they would start further and further back, until she didn't have any memories and her imagination would do the work for her, conjuring up bloody, tormenting images of her father's experiments on her fetus, the horrors her mother must have endured, the torturous visions of herself as a child, playing hide-and-seek and dress-up, completely innocent and unknowing that she was being raised, like a pig for slaughter, to be imprisoned within a few short years.

Her mind became a barren wasteland, interrupted here and there by screams, whispers dancing like tumbleweed across he nothingness. Pain began to stay up with her, all night, every night, watching her silently as she stared at the opposite wall, unmoving, except a twitch or a spasm every now and then as a gunshot or the snap of a neck would explode with a sickening crack, echoing in her mind.

Hopelessness enveloped both of them.

Pain's devastation began to sink in as he realized he was helpless to wake her up, to stop the nightmares. Konan had lost hope long ago, really. She would ponder this, in the quiet moments between waking and sleeping, the voice of her mind rather matter-of-fact as it decided that really, she had lost all hope upon the death of her father.

Living in a world where what brought you into it is the loneliest experience imaginable, especially if you live without truth, your questions about your existence remaining eternally unanswered.

However, hope came, like a beacon in the night sky, in the most unexpected form imaginable.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You can tell me."

"Nothing to tell."

"I keep secrets if they make people sad. And you look really sad."

"'M not."

"You so are."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Fine, scared."

Konan gave no reply, looking out the window at the rain that fell in an interesting sheet-like pattern, irregularities occurring every now and then as the pattern would shift, perhaps due to wind, or a bird higher up.

The whispers began, nearly without sound, then louder and louder until they became a buzzing. The teacher was out photocopying, and the moment for wondering about the strange girl by the window had come.

"Would you guys just shut up?" Ino's voice rang out amid the hissing, loud, clear, and sounding pissed off as hell.

Konan blinked.

She looked up.

Ino was standing up, hands on hips, her long, pale-blonde hair hanging like a sleek waterfall down her back. The room of mouths, hands, ears, and eyes stared back.

"God," Ino sighed, folding her arms. "Could you be any more stupid? How would you like it if people talked about _you _right in front of you, knowing you couldn't stop them?" Konan raised her head and stared at Ino, her mouth slightly open in surprise. "Just shut the fuck up and leave her alone, or I'll fucking kill you." Ino threatened, and something shifted in the silence.

Agreement, perhaps.

Fear, probably. Especially if the stories about Ino's past were true.

Konan suddenly wondered if perhaps Ino and Deidara were more similar than she'd thought. Did stubbornness and pluck run in the family? Ino sat back down with a sigh, and blew her long bangs out of her eyes.

"Jesus, they're like a flock of hens! Not content unless they've got something to talk about..." her powder blue eyes met Konan's, and she smiled briefly, shyly.  
Asking for forgiveness, but for what? _Because she knows I hate her, _Konan realized, and looked back out the window. She wasn't good at forgiving people. Never had been. _Like Daddy... did I every forgive Daddy? _Konan wondered, staring at the rain.

"You... you can tell me. But only if you trust me. Only if you want." Ino said, interrupting the silence that was still hanging in the air.

Konan turned and looked at her. Ino looked shy, which was naturally a shocker; Konan had never realized that there might be more to this blonde, curvy girl than just sex appeal, bitchiness, and libido. She said nothing. Ino shifted in her chair, twisting her hands in her lap.

"I can tell when people are really hurting. You'd think it's not hard, but... It's when it's really bad, when the person shuts themselves away from the world... that's the worst, but that's when people usually think they're just bored, or tired... But really..." Konan listened to Ino's voice, which was oddly calming, as she looked out at the rain, falling silently, constantly...

"You're really hurting, aren't you? You're afraid." Ino's voice had fallen to a whisper. Konan felt like crying, but she didn't understand why. Her eyes had been dry for so long. Only the morphine made her cry, and that was from relief.

"You're never afraid, and that's what worries me." Konan closed her eyes. How was Ino's voice more soothing than Pain's? More worry-alleviating than the morphine? A voice she hated, belonging to a person she disliked intensely...

"I know we've never exactly liked each other... but in a weird way, you remind me of myself. I've always been watching, you know. I do admire you, in my own way... and that's why-" Ino put a hand on Konan's shoulder, and Konan turned her head to find Ino looking at her, determination obvious on her face.

"That's why whatever is scaring you- I want to know what it is, because I'm scared because _you're _scared... I want to help you, so that I won't be scared. I want to help you!" Konan looked at her.

Though they looked nothing alike, there was something like Deidara in her expression. So, despite having no inclination to do so, Konan nodded.

In a low voice, mumbling and speaking so quickly it was a miracle that Ino could understand, Konan told her story. All of it, no omissions, which was a real first for her. Ino listened, hardly blinking, her expression remaining neutral for all of it, even the parts about Konan killing people, her shady conception, the mutilated bodies of Angelo's mooks...

"And now... and now I'm just freaking out. The whispers, I don't really care, only the voices change, in my head, into my dad's, and my mum's, and the dead people's... and I just can't take it. I just can't.." Konan's voice cracked on the last word, and she turned her head back to the window again.

Ino said nothing, but gave a long, quiet sigh, leaning back in her chair. It was a lot to take in, obviously, but to her credit, Ino didn't seem too overwhelmed.

"Right. So. The first thing to do is to stop the rumors. I can do that easily, obviously..."

_Of course.. _Konan thought, her inner voice sounding rather monotonous, _because you're the queen of all gossip... they only talk if you want them to talk, and only shut up if you tell them to. Naturally... _

"And as for... as for your baby, if Tsunade's ever busy, and you need help, just come ask me." This was so preposterous that Konan turned her head again and looked at Ino.

The girl was smiling broadly, looking confident and in her element, which was only marginally shocking compared to Konan's realization that _Ino wasn't wearing any makeup. _And honestly... she looked pretty. Not plastic, not Barbie-esque... pretty, naturally, like a flower.

"My parents own a flower shop, but my mum used to be a midwife. I know a lot about babies and the like. I can help you." The tiniest of smiles tugged at the sides of Konan's cheeks. It took a few minutes of thought, remembering how to speak, but finally, she managed it.

"Thank you." she said, honestly. Ino smiled shyly, and returned her gaze to her hands.

The rest of the class passed in silence, and it wasn't for a long time afterwards that Konan wondered when Ino had sat down beside her in the first place.

And when had Ino begun to care.

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`

Two months later...

"Konan, the head wants to see you."

Konan stood up, heart thumping for some inexplicable reason, but she nodded to her teacher and left the room, walking down the empty hallways towards the head office. Mr Uchiha... Itachi's rather estranged and disliked relative...

Konan wondered why she found him so unlikable, and she decided that it was probably because he had tossed Tsunade and Shizune aside, and shoved them into the most miserable excuse for a nurse's office known to the world.

She knocked on one of the large double doors, and to her shock it opened immediately. Mr Uchiha's tired eyes were the first things she saw, and he quickly ushered her in, and told her to sit down. She did so, her arms around her stomach as they usually were now, partly to hide her baby bump, which was barely visible anyways, thanks to her baggy sweater-vest, partly out of some sort of inborn instinct to protect it from the man before her, who she didn't trust and didn't like.

The headmaster said nothing for a few minutes, facing away from her, and Konan seized the moment to look outside at the snow that gently floated down from the sky. It was easily the most beautiful thing to look at in the dark room, and naturally attracted her gaze.

Finally, her eyes reluctantly returned to Mr Uchiha, and she jumped slightly when she saw that he had turned around while she hadn't been looking. His expression was friendly, but only just.

"Konan." he said, as though they'd known each other for years. While Konan generally appreciated friendliness and open greetings, there was no warmth in his voice, and she didn't like the implication that they were close, or even knew each other at all. Because while she knew nothing about him, he had her student file right in front of him, open on the desk, so there was not much to hide.

_Except you, _she thought to herself, discreetly rubbing her tummy. _Except you. _

"Now, we're friends, aren't we?" Mr Uchiha said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Konan didn't answer, but gave him a pseudo-friendly smile. No use getting on his bad side.

"We're on a first-name basis now, I'm sure. Please feel free to call me Madara" Konan felt like snapping back that the only thing she particularly wanted to call him was 'shitface', but she held her tongue as he continued.

"I just wanted to have a little chat with you." He sat down behind his desk and patted her file.

"I've just been browsing over your file, and I've noticed that you've been paying our nurse quite a number of visits." Somehow the way he didn't even use Tsunade's name made Konan's blood boil, but she exhaled calmly, willing herself to relax.

"Would you mind telling me why that would be?" Konan met his gaze and smiled.

"Isn't that private information, headmaster?" she asked him sweetly. He didn't react for a moment, clearly evaluating her, then he smiled.

"Of course, of course...however, as I am the one who has to put in orders for various school supplies, I think that it is my right to know exactly why I need to buy so much of... oh, I don't know... morphine... Emetrol..." Konan blinked.

"Well, I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets bad migraines..." she murmured.  
Madara smiled tightly.

"No, I'm sure you're not, only... Emetrol is a popular medication for morning sickness. Do you think there are many pregnant girls in my school, Konan?" Konan's stomach tightened, and she bit her lip. Tsunade had promised that even if Madara knew what she was ordering, _who _she was giving it to would remain completely confidential. There was nothing he could do... right?

"I... I don't know, Madara. I don't know of any pregnancies." she said, well aware that her voice sounded rather stilted, and cursing herself for it.

"Funny you should say that," he said, standing up and beginning to pace around the dark office.

"Because I've been hearing rumors...they've died down in the last month and a half, but still.. Now, I know just as well as I do that rumors are 99% fictitious... but there's always a grain of truth within them. Always. I am an expert on rumors, on deceit... on _lies, _Konan." he stopped by his desk, and picked up a letter opener in the shape of a jagged knife.

He looked at it, contemplating, and Konan realized that he was wearing black gloves. Was he cold?  
Probably not.  
Madara twirled the letter opener between his hands and turned, piercing her with a hard gaze.

"And I say that you are lying to me." Konan forced her shock and fear beneath a carefully cultivated mask, devoid of emotion, then smiled politely.

"I don't understand what you mean, Headmaster." Madara stepped towards her, and bent over, so his face was close to her own, his eyes level with hers.

"You are a liar." he whispered, but he could have gotten the exact same effect if he'd screamed.

Konan was rigid, staring at him, her palms sweating. There was no logical reason for why she should feel so terrified, but something about him... his aura, his voice, his cold eyes that teased as they tortured... something about him unnerved her like nothing else in the world.

Suddenly she found some strength within her, and jumped to her feet, her hands clenched into fists. Her voice came easily, and she yelled into the silence.

"I am going to keep my baby, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it!" Konan cried defiantly, her fists shaking but firm at her sides, her eyes blazing with hatred and strength. Madara's eyes narrowed, not in malice, but in amusement, and he took a step towards her, the letter-opener still in his gloved hand.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." he said, his voice a disturbing purr.

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Phew! That took WAY longer than it should have! Reviews would be adored, and I will (hopefully) have the next chapter up before Christmas (I know that's a long time, but I've got family coming, etc, ski trips...)


	21. Bite Me, Baby

**Bite me, Baby**

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Sorry for the slow update! Hope you all had a happy Christmas! I've got some really super news: **XPockyThiefX** kindly volunteered to edit my chapters before they go up, to get rid of any mistakes, so thanks so much to them!  
For those who are interested, yes, this story is coming to a close, and should do within about... four chapters or so, so please keep reading until then!  
Also, in case anybody wants to read a certain story, I do take requests, if I like them, and after I Love is done, I'll be starting a short KonanXHidan fic, requested by **FuzzySquare** (sorry it's taking so long, but I want to start once this one is finished!) if you're interested.

Hope you like this chapter, thanks again to **XPockyThiefX** for all their help, and happy New Year!

* * *

Keeping her eyes fixed on her headmaster's, Konan stayed seated though her fists were shaking slightly. Adrenaline was pumping through her, making her heartbeat accelerate and her palms start to sweat but she tried to repress it: she didn't want Madara to know how scared she was.

"You can't do anything to me. I don't even see _why, _you could just expel me!" she said, keeping her voice low and steady. Madara stepped towards her again, so that he was an easy arm's-reach away, and twirled the long knife between his gloved fingers. His smile was sickening, sugary-sweet, cruel and contemplating, but it certainly didn't reach his cold, glassy eyes that were trained so intently upon Konan.

"Well, now. You certainly are a naive little girl, aren't you?" His cold, calculated tone barely suppressed the undercurrent of smugness that reminded Konan of the stereotypical bad guy who waits in their lair, overconfident and evil, stroking a cat. "Do you know what I could do with that body of yours, pregnant or not?" He had raised the letter-opener up to the light, his expression rapturous as he examined it.  
It felt like a bowling ball had dropped into Konan's stomach. He couldn't possibly... What kind of a sick person would... Her eyes were wide and her hands were clammy as she instinctively jumped out of the chair and took a step backwards.

"Now, now, don't be difficult." Madara chided, waggling a gloved finger at her and walking towards her again. Konan stepped back and hit the wall, pressed against it as Madara advanced again, the knife in his hand reflecting light ominously. He pressed one hand against the wall beside Konan and she realized with a sense of dread that he now blocked the door.

"That's a mistake." she said, far more bravely than she felt. "I can kill you now, quite easily, you know. You should just let me go and I'll spare your life."

Madara's lips twitched in a small, amused smile, making it obvious to Konan that he didn't believe her. She didn't blame him: if she were him, she probably wouldn't take a death threat from a pregnant, unarmed teenage girl seriously, especially since he had a weapon so close to her neck.

"Konan, Konan, Konan. You are a funny girl." Madara said mockingly.

Konan glared into his cold eyes, trying to arrange her features into a venomous expression but all she managed was a pout and a glare. Good enough. She spat in his face. She had been planning to make a break for it as he wiped his eyes but he didn't move the hand that was blocking her. Instead, with an expression of maniacal inhumanity, he plunged the dagger with unbelievable force and violence into the wall, barely an inch from her neck while sending a chunk of her hair fluttering to the ground.  
Konan stared straight at him, having seemingly lost the ability to move or talk. She could hear a ringing sound as the handle of the letter-opener wobbled from the force of the blow, a high pitched waver layered over the frantic thudding of her heart. Keeping her paralyzed in this way, Madara seemed to take immense pleasure in wiping the saliva from his face in the slowest manner possible, making it appear like some kind of sick fetish.

"Do you understand now? You're helpless. You'll stay there and listen to me, like a good girl. Or I'll punish you. I'm going to break you, Konan. Like a wild horse."

Shocking even herself, Konan shook her head jerkily.  
"You-can't-keep-me-here!" she exclaimed, her voice trembling, speaking between little gasps of air. Her eyes were glued to the silver handle of the letter-opener, buried into the wall so close to her throat. It was hypnotizing, this thing that threatened so much pain, or death.

Madara raised an eyebrow delicately and placed two fingers under Konan's chin, rotating her head so she stared at him as he put his other hand on her shoulder, pressing her painfully against the wall. His touch made sweat run down her back but it surprisingly felt good and cold against her flaming hot skin.  
This thought repulsed her and she jerked her chin away but he caught it again and held it tightly, pressing in on the sides until the pain was too much and she opened it. A sickening horror filled her, knowing that if she hadn't opened her mouth, Madara would have broken her jaw.  
Konan watched, horror stricken and feeling terribly nauseous as Madara reached into her mouth with his other hand.

"This right here..." Madara said, holding her tongue, stroking it. Konan was staring at him, horrified. "This has got to go." Five words and Konan almost fainted. She pressed against the wall, trying to find her feet and calm herself, but it was nigh-impossible as the man who was basically threatening to cut out her tongue was reaching into her mouth, a knife only a few inches away.

A sadistic sort of grin flashed over Madara's face and one finger stroked something at the back of her throat. As soon as her gag reflex was activated, Madara pulled away completely, the hand in her mouth gone with the one that had been holding her against the wall, and Konan collapsed onto her hands and knees, throwing up painfully onto the floor. She hadn't eaten much in the day, and bile was predominant in the puddle of sick that was spreading between her hands, occasionally splashing on her arms.  
Her throat was burning and as her stomach and throat contracted, ready for the next surge of vomit, she wildly wondered why on earth she was throwing up this much- unless Madara had done something to her. Unlikely, as he'd only had about two seconds near the back of her throat but the thought still filled her with unease.

Finally, after it seemed to be over, Konan crawled away from the pool of vomit and sat back against the wall, trembling as she wiped her mouth, her sweaty hand slipping over her skin. She was shaking so badly it was almost like a sort of nervous fit and her breathing was jerky and irregular. She stared up at Madara, thinking that there couldn't possibly be anyone sicker alive in the whole world.  
Madara was now watching her with a happy expression of childish cruelty, like she was an ant that he had successfully fried alive with a magnifying glass. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, avoiding the puddle of sick as he strolled towards her. He squatted before her and smiled. Konan felt so weak she could hardly raise her hand let alone try to escape, which seemed to be exactly what he'd wanted. He stood up, slid the knife out of the wall as easily as if it had been butter, then returned to Konan's eye-level, twirling it between his fingers once again.

"Tut, tut, you've gotten your daddy's precious Andromeda project pregnant. What shall I do with you?" Konan might have been more shocked at this if Madara hadn't chosen that moment to start playing a sort of game with his knife; stabbing lightly into the wall on either side of Konan's neck. Identical to the knife game where someone takes a knife and makes their way over your fingers as quickly as possible without stabbing you, only far more deadly. Konan was still shaking and sick, but now she had shut her eyes tightly and was pressing her sweating hands flat against the floor as though to brace herself for what was certainly to come.

"I wish you would look at me when I'm talking to you." Madara said in quiet annoyance, and Konan automatically snapped her eyes open staring at him with a sort of plaintive supplication, an inaudible 'please'. He seemed to take no notice. "I suppose you are ignorant of this as well, just as you are ignorant of the school rules and important matters in the real world, but your body is worth a _lot _of money. Did you know that?"

The knife was now thudding into the wall on either side of her throat, twice per second. She watched silently, except for a hollow sort of whine as her hair fell to the floor around her in sad-looking chunks. Her accidentally grown-out hair, which had reached a few inches down to her shoulders were now lying in blue tendrils around her. She dared not imagine what she might look like after Madara let her go, albeit very unlikely, but she was more concerned with what her _throat _might look like by the end of the day.

"Did you know that?"

Madara asked again, clearly expecting an answer. Konan shook her head automatically and winced, earning herself a thin cut under her chin that immediately began to drip blood down her neck. His knife seemed to have closed in, now leaving barely an inch of room between its blade and her throat. Konan didn't dare move her head any more, but followed the drips of blood with her eyes as they streamed down the slope of her chest into her shirt.

Madara seemed to be looking where she was, because he said, in an offhand sort of voice; "Oh, yes, that's in the way, isn't it? Let's watch it go all the way down." He pulled the knife out of the wall, took hold of the front of her uniform and slit it as easily as if was paper. Konan watched him, immobile, as the sweater-vest she hated so much was tossed into the puddle of vomit, in rags. The collared shirt beneath it receiving the same treatment. Madara then sliced through the middle of her bra, cutting her in the process and tossed it behind him too, the same methodical expression on his face throughout the whole operation.

Konan raised her hands slowly; the automatic urge to protect her modesty kicking in as her breasts were exposed to her headmaster but her hands instead went to her stomach, which now protruded noticeably. They both watched the little stream of blood, starting at her chin, falling in a straight little line down her throat, over her collarbones, between her breasts where it was joined by a second stream of blood from the small cut between them, and continued down, traveling towards her stomach where it met an uphill and pooled for a moment before giving up and trickling down either side of her waist.

"Yes, that is interesting. While it would be nice to kidnap and sell you, it surely would not remain a secret for a week, let alone a lifetime... However I can't just let you escape, now can I? No. You might get into trouble and then where would we be?"

Madara seemed to have delved now into a monologue and Konan listened to him, her hands rubbing her stomach. The shaking from the sickness had stopped, and now she felt that really, she ought to try to escape but there was a hypnotizing sort of calm washing over her as she stroked her stomach. An odd thought struck her, as odd thoughts kind of tend to materialize when one doesn't know what to do with oneself. It was that perhaps, despite the fact that she knew that her baby, if she lived long enough to bring it into the world, might not be quite right, considering it was essentially a sort of mutant, as she was, she was willing to do anything to protect it.

Konan closed her eyes and tried to imagine her own mother, pregnant and home alone as her father went on a business trip. Perhaps she had gone into his office and looked at some papers. Perhaps she had discovered that her daughter wasn't something made to be loved, at least not by her father. Perhaps she had discovered exactly how used she had been throughout her marriage. Surely in such a situation, she might have run away? Perhaps even aborted the baby? But she hadn't.  
Had it simply been that she didn't care, or that she couldn't bring herself to not love the thing that had become her most intimate possession? The one who had shared her bed, her food, even when her husband, who had promised to love her forever, in sickness and in health, would not? Konan smiled slightly, and drew a heart on her stomach with her finger. Madara was still talking but she didn't listen.

"Look at this," she murmured, half to herself, half to the baby. "Is this unconditional love, that I don't want you to leave me even thought I don't know you yet?" Her voice was quieter than a whisper, hardly making any sound but as she framed the words with her lips, they resonated with her louder than if she'd yelled them.

"...clearly the baby would be valuable, too... as a boy or a girl. Shame about the father though"

"Why?" Konan interrupted. Madara glanced at her quickly, looking as though he'd forgotten that she was there, and then shrugged, a condescending, tight-lipped smile revealing yellowed teeth.

"You have odd tastes in men. That boy... Deva, I think is the name on his school file. Those eyes of his aren't exactly attractive, are they? They look like mutations." Konan said nothing, letting Madara continue wondering out loud what to do with her as she shifted sideways, the sight of the door locked but from the inside filled her with faint hope.  
Unlikely as it was, if she could get to the door... Madara didn't even look, his arm was so fast Konan didn't see him throw anything but she certainly noticed the letter-opener suddenly embedded into the wall barely an inch above her head.

"Next time, it'll be through your eyes, little miss. Don't think I won't kill you. You're just as invaluable dead as alive." he warned her, his tone icy. Konan could scarcely hear him over her heartbeat. She was sweating from fear and shifted slightly to look at the knife. What she saw made her jaw drop. Although the walls of the study were pure mahogany, probably backed up by a layer of cement afterwards, the dagger, whose blade had to be about seven inches, was embedded to the hilt.  
Konan returned her gaze, full of awe and terror, to Madara, who had finished talking and was now looking at her curiously, his fingers drumming on his knees as his eyes flicked over her body. It wasn't a lustful gaze at all, Konan noticed, realizing that she really had no reason to fear Madara raping her or anything like that because he just didn't seem interested, despite the fact that she was well and truly helpless and topless, essentially at his mercy. He merely looked at her the way one might look at the cover of an interesting book.

"What to do with you? Where should I put you?" he asked then smiled at her, as though he'd just asked her what she wanted for Christmas.

"Do you really just want money? From... from selling me? Or... or is there another reason?" Konan had no idea where she'd found her voice, or why she'd decided to ask such a trivial question when she could be nearing the end of her freedom but the sudden change in expression on Madara's face was enough to tell her that she'd done the right thing. He had frowned slightly, then raised his eyebrows, plastering a nonchalant smile on his face but it was clear he was bothered by her question.

"I don't see why you're asking me this. Of course, I merely want to spend more time in your company, Konan. Simple as that." Konan wondered if she'd ever heard a more obvious lie in her life.

"You're related to Itachi and Sasuke, right? Do they know what you're-" The rest of her question died in her throat the moment a flash of annoyance passed over Madara's features. Annoyance at her question or for another reason, she wondered.

"Be quiet. You're making me tired. I should have cut out your tongue when I had the chance. However..." his expression was back to its contemplative curiosity, his voice a purr as he leaned forwards on his hands and knees, his dark eyes sickeningly bright. "I could always just cut your stomach."

Konan's hands, which had been absent-absentmindedly stroking her abdomen froze and tensed as her eyes widened. Madara shrugged. "I've decided. I mean, while any of your offspring would be worth quite a bit, for genetic principals, I don't think that little mutant'll even rack up more than twelve grand. He's not a pure experiment, is he? You can always make more, anyways. Your body's really been altered to increase fertility, as well as other physical aspects. Don't suppose you knew that, but then, you don't seem very interested in your body, past all normal uses."

Konan was pressed so hard against the wall she could feel the grooves of the wood paneling indenting similar patterns against her bare skin. Madara had crawled closer like an animal, though his expression was still one of scientific curiosity. He lifted her hand, weighing it and separating then bending the fingers, first individually, then as a group.

"For instance... this arm of yours... how much could I sell this for?" he asked, holding out his own hand and raising a gloved finger, bringing up sickening schemes. "Blood. That's valuable DNA right there. Bone marrow. Genetically-altered bone marrow. Actually, that would go for a lot... Fingerprints... could make a clone of you. Hundreds of clones. That's a lucrative idea. Fingernails, skin, hair... " He let Konan's hand drop back into her lap and reached forward, softly stroking a lock of what remained of her hair, his expression tender.

"You're a living gold mine. Even dead you'd be worth more than this school and its grounds put together. Is that a nice feeling?" He leaned forwards and put his cold, yellowed lips so close to her ear that she could smell his dry, sour breath. "You'll never be safe as long as you live. When you sleep. When you smile. When you kiss. When you eat. When you die. You'll never be safe from me, my sweetheart. My darling..." He caressed the shell of her ear with his teeth, causing Konan to dig the fingernails of her right hand into her thigh, drawing blood. "My precious, precious... we'll be together for ever." The irony in his tone was as unmistakable as the sound of sliding metal resonating from his hand as he slid another knife off the edge of his desk.  
"Forever." he whispered again, licking the length of the silver blade as he lowered it to her stomach.

Konan had avoided looking at him so far but as the intense rush of adrenaline hit her with astounding force, she whirled to face him, too fast for her to see if he'd reacted, the same instant she wrenched the other knife from the wall by her head with her left hand. Madara raised his arm, but too slow. A second later, a choking, shocked cry was torn from his lungs, cutting through the silent office like a gunshot. Hot blood spurted over Konan's hands but she was already up and staggering towards the door, the dried blood on her chest and stomach tearing painfully at her skin as she stretched.  
She paused for barely a second, grabbing a roll of duct tape from Madara's desk as he groaned and made terrible sounds, obviously trying to tear himself away from the wall, or trying to drag the dagger out of it. As quickly as she could, Konan fashioned a sort of bikini top, at least to cover her breasts, out of strips of duct tape wrapped around herself. She tossed the roll back on the desk and took a quick look at Madara on her way out the door. His expression was terrifying: calm, collected, not looking particularly pained despite the grotesqueness of his ear which was torn and bleeding, his own knife buried straight through it into the wall beneath.

Konan rushed from the room, flinging herself out the office doors and gasping, hyperventilating, against the wall outside before staggering half-blindly through the halls towards the one place she could think to go. There weren't many people in the halls, just four or so, because of classes. Konan was grateful because although it hardly mattered any more, she was half-naked and obviously pregnant, but it was too late for thoughts of privacy.  
Her hands pale, sweaty, and shaking, she pulled open the door to the boys' hall, rushing through it like in a dream and soon found herself buried under Pain's covers, trembling and crying, rubbing her stomach and desperately breathing in his scent from his sheets. Although many hours passed, she still didn't sleep, her eyes shut tightly, flinching at every little sound, imagining Madara whipping the blanket off, his ear dangling in a horrific manner off of his head, a knife raised to her stomach, his lips at her own ear, biting it off...

She woke with a flinch and yelled, sitting up violently, twitching and staring around the room, her eyes flickering from one corner to the next, looking for Madara. She certainly hadn't expected Tsunade.

The ex-headmistress stood at the foot of Pain's bed, wearing her doctor's lab coat, her arms crossed, her expression worried. "Konan," she said quietly, reaching forward and gently tugging Pain's blankets down from her chest. Konan let the sheets fall, feeling too emotionally drained to care about modesty. Tsunade's eyes trailed in a professional manner from Konan's choppily-cut hair, to the cut under her chin, the trail of blood leading down underneath the duct tape, then reappearing lower, dried by her stomach.  
"So this is what happens when you get called into the headmaster's office." Tsunade commented quietly. Konan knew she was trying to break the ice but there really was no point and they both knew it. "I'm just going to tell you my theory, and if you like, you can say I'm wrong." Tsunade said, sitting down quietly at the foot of the bed. Konan nodded, her eyes, emotions and expression as dry as the desert.

"I've been doing some research on the internet - out of a general interest, mind you, just for basic knowledge - on genetic mutations and experiments."

Konan was looking down at her hands, running her thumb over the lines in her palm, feeling quite hollow and detached from the world. Madara had warned her that he was going to 'break' her… Had he succeeded? Was this emotionless, empty state her future?

"After a while, I came across a private website called _Andromeda. _It didn't take long to see that it was locked, with shields up to stop unwanted personnel viewing the information and pages within. So I..." Tsunade shrugged, but looked a little guilty.  
"I got Karin to break the code. She's always been good at sensing things out like that... Anyways," she cleared her throat. "Although there was no solid information out in the open, just in case someone broke the wall like I did, it was clear enough that _Andromeda _is a sort of illegal project." Tsunade looked uncomfortable, which was unusual for her, Konan noted vaguely.  
"I was just wondering... as your doctor, I think it would be best if I knew... but of course, I doubt you are. I'm not suggesting anything... However, the recent, and almost unnatural, growth spurt you had during the summer... you must understand, it's perfectly possible, as sudden growth periods in teenagers are natural, however..." She coughed a little, not meeting Konan's eyes at all.  
"However, to have grown _so much _in such a short period of time, certainly isn't usual. If you could tell me... just say I'm wrong, because-"

Konan decided to help her out and shut her up.  
"It's true." she said quietly, flicking her gaze up to Tsunade, who flinched, shock evident in her features, but it faded to pity as understanding flowed through her as every suspicion she'd ever probably had about Konan was suddenly confirmed, every question answered.

"Oh, I see." The pity on her face was unbearable, and Konan looked away, focusing instead on Pein's bedside table. An image of her own face caught her attention and she stared at it, ashamed she hadn't noticed it before. Sitting in a little cluster on the small table were a number of framed photographs, all but one of them of herself, with Pain, hugging, laughing, smiling... The last one was of Pain's family. Konan's eyes immediately and automatically found Yahiko first. The face so like Pain's, the kind brown eyes that seemed to know _exactly _what she was thinking all the time... _Dad. _The word came to her so naturally that she didn't even notice it was odd until she remembered that her _real _father was probably buried already, somewhere in Italy, forgotten by the world... even by his own daughter.

Though Konan didn't have it in her to cry anymore, her throat tightened and she shut her eyes. "Oh, Konan... That's why Madara… isn't it?" Tsunade had shifted closer during the time Konan had been preoccupied with the pictures and as she reached her arms out, Konan automatically fell into them, nodding and half-crying against Tsunade's chest.  
"How did you escape?" Tsunade asked, rubbing Konan's back soothingly, obviously experienced in comforting people, although you wouldn't know it when looking at her, with her stern gaze and clear, cold confidence. Konan told her how she'd saved her baby by about a second, pinned Madara to the wall by his ear, how he had probably escaped by now and might even be looking for her.

Tsunade took this information in her stride and nodded. "Right." she said, giving Konan one final squeeze then letting go, her brown eyes alight with determination. "Well. We've got to get you out of here, don't we? Normally, of course, I would say that your education has to come first but in our case, I think we can say your life is more important." Tsunade's dry humour was back and Konan nodded, feeling strengthened somehow. It seemed that even her ex-headmistress' hugs were healing.  
"Have you got somewhere to go?" she asked, standing up and tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Yes, with Pein's family. But..." Worries that had been tugging at Konan from the moment she'd buried the knife through her headmaster's ear were now spilling from her mouth and she couldn't have stopped them if she tried.

"But what about Pein? And my friends? He wants to get me because I'm valuable but he must know that I'd never leave if he threatened to hurt them, but I can't just make them sacrifice their education and everything for me, I mean... And what... what about the baby? What if..." Konan shut her eyes tight, her hands instinctively finding her stomach and holding it gently, protectively. "What if he never leaves me alone? What if Madara finds me (of course he can, he has Pein's address), and then kills my baby? What if..." And now, the worst fear, the worst case scenario flashed through Konan's mind and she let out a little cry of despair. Images of Pein dead. Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, Sasori... Deidara... dead. Her unborn baby, torn from her stomach, or worse still, a toddler, a four-year-old… a teenager... kidnapped, mutilated, never to be seen again...  
"What if it never stops? Am I going to have to live my whole life looking over my shoulder for people who want to steal what my father made? He'll never... they'll never leave me alone, will they?" she asked in despair, staring at Tsunade, who gave her another hug but didn't answer her question.

"Come on then. We've got to get you packed up and shipped home. I'll sort everything out with your friends, don't you worry. And I'll tell Pein where you've gone" They left the room, Tsunade's arm round Konan's shoulders. "No one will be able to hurt you... not while those loyal to me are within this school. You have more friends than you think, Konan." Tsunade squeezed her shoulders, sent a message to Shizune with a first-year, then escorted Konan to her rooms to pack and change.

Konan un-taped herself slowly, letting the tape fall to the floor where it lay like a dead, starved snake until she kicked it away in disgust. Aware that Tsunade was standing right outside the door, waiting for her, Konan hurried a little as she grabbed a new bra from the drawer and clipped it on. She found a loose, dark-blue, knitted wool sweater and pulled it over her head, appreciating the soft texture before discarding her school skirt in favour of grey leggings and thick purple socks. She stood just out of view by her mirror, knowing that she wasn't ready to see her hair yet. It wasn't because she was vain; it was because she couldn't face the solid evidence of what the morning had held just yet. It was too much.  
She packed quickly, probably leaving a few socks behind, and was soon walking quickly back through the girl's hall with Tsunade. They were both rushing, though they hadn't agreed to, because they both knew that the bell for lunch would be ringing very soon, and neither of them wanted to have to push through a crowd of students goggling at Konan, asking where she was going, was she expelled, etc. Soon enough, they reached the front door.

"Tsunade, I'm afraid I don't actually know where Pein's house is... I know it's by a beach, but I don't even know the city…" Konan admitted shamefaced, feeling utterly stupid for not realizing before that this would undoubtedly cause problems. Tsunade smiled.

"Don't you worry about that. I've got someone who can drive you there, who knows where it is." she said, and jerked a thumb over her shoulder. Konan looked, and her jaw dropped slightly.

Appearing so silently that Konan hadn't heard her coming, Ino stepped forwards, one hand on her hip, the other twirling a little silver key on a ring around her finger. Her school uniform was gone, replaced by what Konan instantly recognized as the average 'dream driving' outfit: hot red leather jacket zipped up, revealing a black bikini top, tight jeans with a wide black belt, black stiletto boots, hair in a high, wavy ponytail held by a heart elastic, cherry-red lips and gold hoops earrings.

"Ino?" Konan squeaked at last and the other girl nodded, smiling the sort of genuine smile that Konan immediately liked. The sort of smile she'd only seen Ino wear one time before, when Konan had trusted and talked to her about her pregnancy.

"I got the address from Pein a couple months ago. Just in case I ever had to be your getaway driver." Ino admitted, linking her hands behind her back, a shy gesture. Konan grinned at her, the smile feeling truer than any she'd given for a while.

"Thanks, Ino. You're the best." Ino glowed at the compliment.

Fifteen minutes later, they were speeding down the highway in Ino's bright red sports car, listening to 'The Best of the 60s' and singing along. Konan wondered if she was just trying to forget her worries and fear, and if the smile on her face and the laughter from her mouth were false, but the lightness in her heart told her that they were real and that Ino was acting like a sort of happy-medicine. Konan guiltily remembered this time last year, when she'd been calling her Ino-bitch with the rest of the school.

"_I'm picking up good vibrations, she's giving me excitations..." _Ino sang with the Beach Boys and Konan quickly joined in, the feel-good music sinking into her and raising her spirits considerably. "So, do you think you'll be coming back to school this year?" Ino asked as they pulled into Pein's driveway.

"I don't think so, actually. I don't think I'll ever be coming back, actually." Konan said, twisting her hands on her lap. Ino just looked at her silently for a few minutes, then leaned over and hugged her.  
"You'll miss your graduation! How awful..." Konan shrugged and Ino let go, opening her door and walking to the back of the car to retrieve Konan's trunk. Konan got out too, well aware that she could in no way ever repay Ino for what she'd done. Once the trunk was out and Konan had swung her purse over her shoulder, Ino and Konan just stood awkwardly, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of their feet, neither one of them wanting to say goodbye first.

Finally Konan cracked, and she smiled. "I guess this is goodbye," she said, a little hoarsely, noting with annoyance that she couldn't think of anything less cliché to say. Ino nodded with a half-smile.

"Well... well..." Konan gave up and just threw herself at Ino, seizing the other girl in a tight embrace that was returned vivaciously. "I can never thank you enough. I really will miss you." Konan whispered and she could hear Ino crying.

"I'll miss you more. I... I hope you'll be happy no matter what. Please write to me! Deidara knows my address." Ino said, pulling away and wiping her eyes skillfully, avoiding smudging her mascara.

"I will, I promise. Thank you. Thank you so much." Konan said, and waved one final time as Ino returned to her car, turned the radio on again and roared out of the driveway, '_God only knows' _blasting out the windows. Konan watched her go silently, not feeling abandoned so much as set adrift, then turned around and walked up to the door.

She knocked twice.

To her immense relieve, the person to answer the door was Yahiko. He looked surprised for a moment, then understanding. But when he looked her up and down, his expression turned concerned. "Hey there. Come to stay over, right?" he said, inviting her in and taking her trunk. As usual, he seemed to know exactly why she was there and what she wanted, a gift she was grateful for, as it saved her from difficult explanations.

"Yes, thank you so much... I'm sorry to intrude..." she said worriedly, but just like Pain, Yahiko seemed to shrug her thanks off and smiled.

"Don't worry about it at all! I'm really glad you came over, actually, I'm having trouble with a crossword..." Konan understood the joke a few seconds later, and looked up to see his eyes were twinkling and he was smiling brightly. He really seemed happy to see her, which warmed Konan considerably, lifting her spirits.

A few minutes later, they were comfortably settled in the kitchen, Konan's trunk and purse upstairs in Pein's room, a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of muffins in front of them, the crossword spread on the table. After helping solve it, supplying the final word, 'ardent', and watching as Yahiko folded it up and yawned, Konan could tell the questions were coming. Yahiko seemed in no hurry, however, and honestly seemed more interested in her classes and if anything funny had happened at school she recounted a couple episodes of Deidara blowing up the explosives' supply-shed by accident, of Hidan and Kakuzu starting a boast battle in the middle of lunch, of going to see the illusionary arts' exhibition and getting tricked into going into the boys' bathroom, and nearly toppling out of a window in a fit of dizziness. Then Yahiko asked about the school's dress code, and so on and so forth, until a few hours had gone by, and Konan had almost forgotten why she had left the school.

Finally, when the atmosphere was as comfortable as ever and their bellies were full of muffins, Yahiko rubbed his thumb on the table, as though erasing a stain, and asked, "So, decided to get a new haircut?" He glanced up, saw Konan's reserved expression, and narrowed his eyes shrewdly. "Or wasn't it your idea?" Konan waited before answering, to try and think of the most tactful way she could explain the day's events.

"It wasn't exactly planned." she admitted at last, looking at her hands. "It turned out that the new headmaster is aware of what the _Andromeda _project is." she said, and Yahiko stiffened subtly, but she noticed anyways. Although she had more-or-less explained the events of the most recent summer holidays to him, omitting a few minor details, he had made it clear that he was just as disgusted with her father's experiments as she had been, more so, in fact.

"I suppose he tried to..." he murmured and Konan nodded, not allowing him to finish for both their sakes.

"Yeah. It was quite scary... so that's where my haircut comes in... but I… and that's why I'm here." Konan knew she had hardly explained a thing but when she thought back to the... what, hours?...spent in Madara's office, just that morning, something about his voice, his calculated curiousity, his voice in her ear... his knife, a silent, deadly threat, thudding into the wall, inches from her throat every time, made the whole event more traumatic than her imprisonment during the summer. At least then she'd known she wouldn't be killed. At least then she hadn't had anyone to protect...  
Konan hadn't realized that her hands had drifted to her stomach once again until she saw herself rubbing the baby bump softly, carefully. She raised her gaze quickly to Yahiko and saw that he was watching her. She examined his expression curiously. While it was quite clear he disapproved and felt uncomfortable, there was an undercurrent of tenderness and happiness in his eyes and the small curve of his mouth that made Konan finally know for certain that he was happy to be the grandfather of her baby. That he would, like her, like Pain, go to any extremes to protect this unborn member of the family.

A few days later, Konan was as comfortably settled in as could be: her trunk was unpacked and Pein had visited for the weekend to help her move into his room (Madara had cracked down upon absences from school after Konan's disappearance and it had taken a call from Yahiko to allow Pain to leave for so much as an hour). Annie and Animal, who were often home, seemed to have taken her under their wing, with whom she spent many hours playing board games or walking on the beach. Yahiko had basically said that she was as much a part of his family as his own children and had even started to knit her a 'family sweater'.

"Don't underestimate the power of the knitted sweater." he had said sternly, his eyes laughing. "It binds you to the family as well as birth certificates, you know. There are things you can't share without feeling connected, and wearing matching sweaters is one of them."

It had taken almost a full week for Konan to bring herself to look at her hair. She had, of course, showered and brushed her teeth and things, but she would always avoid seeing her head in the mirror. She could tell, of course, that it was very, very different. Her neck and shoulders felt very naked and cold, and it was disconcerting to suddenly have short hair after weeks of tying it back in ponytails or plaits. But one morning, Konan decided that enough was enough and she should stop being silly and just look.

She got out of bed, put her feet into slippers, and shuffled to the bathroom, where she stood in front of the mirror, her gaze fixed on the floor. She took a deep breath then raised her head, staring straight into the reflection of her own eyes. The moment she saw herself, she understood Pein's expression the very first moment he'd laid eyes on her since the morning of her trip to the headmaster's office. He had looked shocked. As her own eyes roved over her hairline, down the tendrils that curled slightly around her face, Konan agreed that it was very shocking. It wasn't too short, really, as it had been cut while Madara had stabbed his knife into the wall on either side of her neck.

There were long bits that looked terribly out of place, hanging down her back, but there were also ruefully short bits, near her ears, a few round the back of her head, that oddly curved outwards. Her bangs were the same but they certainly looked out-of-place and perfect when compared to the rest of her hair, which was basically what a battlefield on someone's head might look like if the choice weapon was a scythe. Grimly, Konan dug in the drawer by the sink, never taking her eyes off of her reflection. She found what she was looking for quite quickly and with a tinge of a sadistic smirk, raised the large scissors to her head. Opened them. Snapped them closed and watched some hair drift to the floor. Opened them. Snapped them closed. Turned them diagonally and did a couple small snips here and there.

It seemed like ages but it was really only a few minutes later that she put the scissors down and examined her new appearance. It was a bit of a pixie cut, with choppy layers and a couple loose ends sticking out, but Konan liked it. She felt it sort of suited the way she felt: chopped up and changed. Feeling quite proud for an odd reason, she scooped up the rest of her hair from the floor and tossed it into the garbage bin, brushing her hands and pyjamas off before leaving and going down to the kitchen for breakfast.

Her morning sickness was thankfully wearing off and after a couple minutes of searching on the Internet, she discovered that this was relatively common, though pregnancy symptoms apparently vary from person to person and even from pregnancy to pregnancy.  
Once the sickness had begun to wear off, Konan found that she was a lot happier and even took a liking to long walks, something she'd hated to do even before becoming pregnant, because she was so happy she could do it now without feeling sick.  
Many a morning found her traipsing along the beach, or along a little path through the park, often in the rain, humming and dolled up in the thickest rain gear available to man, thanks to Yahiko's strict Pregnant-women-shouldn't-get-colds rule.

Pein had called on his phone to tell them that Madara was banning all absences from school and if you were sick, you had to be examined by Tsunade, who was ordered to make the student stay if they weren't about to die. Funerals were no longer an excuse to leave, unless it was immediate-family and even that had to be checked out with a phone call. Konan hadn't understood why Madara would care about the other students leaving but she got a new perspective on the matter after Yahiko suggested that perhaps he didn't want any of his contacts hearing any gossiping teenagers mentioning that the _Andromeda _project -apparently 'Konan' was now synonymous with that- had slipped straight through his fingers.

"Do you think he'll come here? I don't see how he could not..." Konan had murmured one night, her nerves getting the better of her. Yahiko had shook his head and winked.

"Never fear, darlin'. This address is under the witness protection program already, for something before your time, but that's not the only thing we've got going for us. I think you met my best friend, Nagato, last spring? Well, he knows just about everything that goes on around us, and I mean _everything. _He probably knew you were the _Andromeda _project before you did. He'd tell us straightaway if there was even a possibility that someone was looking for us. Besides, your headmaster must see, no matter how confident he is, that he can't just lock you up within the school, or even anywhere near it. You _are _friends with a pyromaniac, who knows a bit too much about explosives for his own good, not to mention the others... I think I can safely say that they'd find you within two days if you went missing, don't you?" Konan smiled.

"Yeah. They're very nice." she said, and Yahiko had laughed loudly, like a lion's roar.

St Misery's broke for winter holidays soon afterwards and despite Madara's valiant efforts, including warning the school board that the students were dangerous criminals (according to rumours), he couldn't stop the pupils from streaming out of the school like ants as soon as the bell went on the last day. Yahiko, Konan, and the rest of Pain's family, excluding those with families of their own, were soon joined in the house by Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Pein himself. Itachi had decided to spend the holidays with his brother, although none of his friends seemed to have any idea how he knew where to find Sasuke in the first place.  
Before their arrival, Konan had laughed a lot, telling Yahiko stories of Christmas last year, omitting the part where she'd attempted to spend the night alone outside a gas station but telling him almost everything else; about the scavenger hunt and them all running outside in the opposite sex's underwear; about watching The Shining and scaring the pants off of Sasori by grabbing him from behind; about Deidara cross-dressing; the snowball fight; the failed attempt at skating... Konan vaguely wondered if this Christmas would be the same, but once they'd arrived, and even beforehand, she knew it wouldn't.

During the two weeks of Christmas break, Pain's family and their friends played a lot of board games, had a lot of snowball fights in what little snow there was and sang a lot of dirty Christmas carols. Konan spent much of her time with her jeans not zipped up as they wouldn't fit any more, along with Pein's hand on her stomach. Konan got used to a daily routine quite quickly: wake up next to Pain; brush teeth, shower, dress, etc; eat breakfast, finish Yahiko's crossword; lie around for a few hours talking with Pein and the others, her pants undone and her shirt rolled up for no other reason than for the others to draw smiley faces on her enlarged tummy; eat at an unspecified time; go to bed again.

On Christmas, she got a lot of baby clothes and toys, as well as a very useful gift that Ino had sent in the post: a set of maternity outfits, which she changed into with huge relief. She was glad she had forced herself to mail the diamond necklace she'd bought for Ino; she hadn't been sure that she should have, in case Madara confiscated it or something but she felt that it was something her new friend would like, and besides, there's not much point having more money than you need unless you spend some on the people you like. It wasn't until the second last day of her friends' school holidays that anything particularly surprising happened.

"Want to get an ultrasound done?" Pein asked one morning from behind the newspaper, where he was examining the crossword. Konan choked a little on her cereal.

"S-sorry? An ultrasound? Isn't it a bit early for that?" she asked in an off-hand tone, secretly a bundle of nerves. She wasn't sure that she was ready to see what exactly was inside her. She'd gotten used to smiley faces on skin and had given up imagining whether or not she might have a little boy or a little girl sharing her clothes, food, and body.

"Not really. I mean, you can see something, especially since you're almost five months, right? We might even find out the gender." Konan's heart began to beat rapidly, but whether it was from panic or excitement, she had no idea.

"I guess we could. It might be interesting." she said, as nonchalantly as possibly, trying to conceal how her hands shook when she raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips.

Three hours later, Yahiko, Pain and herself were in the car, speeding along the highway towards the hospital to have an ultrasound done. They had called in to make an appointment and apparently it was not very busy, making an appointment for the same day, which Pain and Yahiko found immensely lucky, but Konan just found it nerve-wracking. She hadn't told them that she was so nervous, partly because she didn't think they'd understand, and partly because she knew that she didn't have a good reason to be.

"Look at that, we're here! Record time!" Yahiko said cheerfully, taking a swift right turn into a large carpark and stopping next to a meter.

"Yes, look at that…" Konan murmured as Yahiko got out to pay. Pain immediately leaned around the front seat and fixed her with an accusingly playful smirk.

"You are so nervous." he said, reaching out and ruffling her hair. Konan smiled, surprised at how relieved she was that he'd noticed, even though she'd been trying to hide it.

"How did you know?" she asked reproachfully, secretly very pleased. Pain rolled his eyes and assumed a rather haughty all-knowing look.

"Because I, naturally, am omnipotent. It's a _talent, _rather than a _duty, _for me to know all." he said, putting on a falsetto. Konan laughed, the tension easing from her in waves.

"Thanks," she said, wiping her eyes once she'd calmed down. "I needed that." Pain nodded, still smiling. Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Konan didn't mention it but she was pretty sure that Yahiko should have finished paying a while ago and that he was just waiting outside until he was sure he wouldn't be interrupting anything. Pain reached forward swiftly, cupping her cheek and sliding his thumb over it softly, watching her, an unfathomable emotion visible in his eyes as he held her gaze for a few moments, silently.

"I love you." he said finally. Suddenly, as she had barely registered what he'd said before he had let go, he opened his car door and was out. A few seconds later, Yahiko opened her door for her and helped her out. After registering, getting a ticket, waiting for a surprisingly short time, being admitted into the examination room, poked, prodded and interrogated before finally having a doctor slide a transducer over her stomach, Konan held tightly to Pain's hand as a blurry image appeared on the screen across from them. "There you go. There he is."

"A boy?" Pain asked but Konan said nothing. She was staring intently at the little black and white blur on the screen. Pain patted her shoulder. The doctor, whose short-cropped hair was an enviable shade of silken caramel, smiled kindly.

"It's a magical moment, isn't it?" she said, giving Konan's hand a little squeeze. Konan nodded, still frowning a little, then pointed up at the screen.

"What's that?" she asked blankly.

"It's a boy!" Konan announced as Pain helped Yahiko cart in the last of the Boxing Week shopping.

"A boy?" "A boy?" "A _boy?_""A boy!" "A BOY!" "...so it's _not _a girl?" Itachi asked in the silence following Hidan's half-shriek.

Konan grinned at her friends, who were crowded in the living room, around a half-finished game of Monopoly, creatively altered so that stealing was allowed. Konan laughed when she saw the huge stacks of money sitting in front of Kakuzu and the five-hundred dollar bills he was sliding silently away from Sasori while he was distracted but the others were plainly far more interested in the sex of her baby than in their game.

"Yes, it's a boy. Or, the doctors are pretty sure it is." she said, sitting down with a bit of difficulty. "But that just causes _more _problems, because now I have no idea what to call him-"

"HAMTARO~!"

"You'd better call him Trunks or I'll..."

"How about something normal? Like 'Genevieve', or 'Ebeneazer'... oh, maybe 'Hans' would be better, that's got a bit of class..."

"How about 'sexomaniac'? That'd get him a girlfriend quickly, no doubt."

"I INSIST YOU NAME YOUR BABY 'GO FOR IT! BOMBER!'"

"I-I'm sorry?" Konan choked. Maybe asking the boys for baby names had been a bad idea.


	22. Test Subject

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys faint when you see this... yes, yes, miracles will never cease! I have updated, and although I always end up lying, I do actually intend to finish this story very soon... we are reaching the end! Also, just a heads up- _This chapter and the chapters to follow will be MUCH SHORTER than the norm for I Love- _the reason for this is that is a) makes it easier for me to update faster, and b) keeps the action going. A big, humungous, impossibly magical thank-you to all of you guys who have stayed with this story even through the longest hiatus of all time, ever. i hope you enjoy this update, and another will follow shortly! Also, can you believe that it's been... what, two whole years since I started this story? CRAzZAY!

* * *

**Test Subject**

* * *

****

Winter passed into spring too quickly for Konan's liking that year- everything moves too quickly when your body balloons outwards with every passing week. She felt a bit like an elephant, or a watermelon on stilts, despite what Pain would say.  
'You're beautiful, you always are.'  
Konan had taken to throwing things at him when he started that up. She joined several online communities for pregnant women. That helped most, being able to vent about eating _all the time, _not fitting any of their old clothes, panic attacks, but mostly, getting seriously huge. Konan had never been particularly concerned about her weight, always feeling happier with a mug of fudge than with skinny arms and thighs, but it was unnerving to heave herself out of bed each morning and feel heavier than the day before.  
Whenever Pain was around, she'd kiss him awake, haul herself out of bed and blame him for what was happening to her- stretch marks, having to pee pretty much all the time, being fat and huge and horrid- then calming down after breakfast and apologising.  
Then she would go on her forum and laugh and nod emphatically and tut and sigh and glance down at herself before logging off and giving Pain a hug and a kiss and a game of scrabble.  
Then came more blame and more apologising before bedtime, when she would lie next to him and watch him trail his fingers over her stomach, rising like a mountain under the blankets.

"I'm sorry for being so mean to you." she whispered one night, petting his hair softly as he kissed her shoulder.

"You're never mean." he said, tapping her bottom lip with his finger. She shut her eyes.

"I am, and you know it. But..." she covered her eyes with her hand and pulled him closer. He rested his cheek on her chest, one long arm looped over her hip.

"I'm scared." she whispered. She'd said it so many times it was as natural on her tongue as 'hello'. This bothered her in some ways, but the reassurance the words guaranteed smothered the irritation.  
Pain hummed against her throat, his nose tickling her skin as he raised his head.

"Look at me." he said softly. She slid her hand off of her face and obeyed. His face was blue and shadowy in the moonlight as he lowered it to her own. He rested his forehead against hers, his breath dusting her chin.

"I'm right here. I'll always be right here." He dipped his chin down slightly, touched his lips to hers briefly. She pulled him down and kissed him, tugged at his lips and then buried her face in his neck. "Right here." he whispered, pressing a kiss onto her forehead.

"I promise."

* * *

It happened quite suddenly, just as Konan was washing her hands at the bathroom sink. Something inside her, near her navel, by her spine, _something _felt like a cotton sheet being torn in half. All of a sudden, she was being shredded from the inside. Her knees shook and she grabbed onto the edge of the counter, staring at her reflection in the mirror, horrified and scared and sick. Her sides were shaking; her hands were shaking.  
She didn't trust any part of her any more, so she clung to the bathroom drawers and sank to the floor. She panted through her nose and gritted her teeth. It was over quickly, and the shock was worse than the pain.

She sat shuddering on the bathroom floor for a few minutes before realizing what exactly was happening. And when she realized that, she shut her eyes slowly in ultimate defeat. A contraction. She was having her baby. She was having her baby and there was nobody in the house.  
The first day Yahiko left the house in two weeks was the day her contractions started. The irony settled on her like a blanket of poison oak, and she let her head fall into her hands for a few minutes in irritation and despair before remembering the phone he'd left on the kitchen table, his cell number scrawled onto a post-it on its back.  
It wasn't called 'the emergency phone' for nothing, and if this wasn't an emergency, Konan didn't know what was.

She set her chin and opened the bathroom door. She wasn't sure if she trusted herself to walk, but felt silly crawling, so she leant almost her entire weight on the wall and staggered over to the kitchen. She took a deep breath and walked over to the kitchen table and stretched her sweaty, trembling hand over to the phone.  
She didn't know what she would say- 'Hi, it's me, I think I'm having the baby?'- but it turned out she didn't need to know.  
She moment her fingers brushed the sticky note attached to the black plastic, a gloved hand wrapped around her wrist and twisted it up behind her as another slapped over her mouth.

"Oh, don't look at me that way, sweetie. You'll make me feel bad."

* * *

Pain frowned down at his phone. He was in the middle of an in-class term paper, but Mr Hatake was busy reading his daddy porn and something was worrying him a lot more than the most suggestible areas of the cerebellum. He had received four texts in the last twenty minutes, which wasn't particularly unusual. What was unusual was the sender and the content. The first and second were from Itachi, who hadn't been seen at the school for months, and who hadn't contacted Pain or any of the others for weeks.

'_Madara is more dangerous than I thought. He's not who we thought he was- do NOT let him out of your sight, I'm coming back'  
'Serious complications- Sasuke's been compromised. Take Konan away right now, do not tell ANYBODY. Trust me, this is serious.'_

__Pain shook his head in bewilderment, ran a hand through his hair, and tugged thoughtfully at his industrial. Itachi rarely got worked up about anything, so if he was, if the supposed danger was indeed as serious as he thought it was, then somebody had stirred some shit up big time.  
He selected the next message and stared at it for a few minutes, his jaw slackening. It was from Konan's phone, but the message was definitely not from her.

'_My sweetie's a little upset with me just now, I'm afraid, so I'm doing this to make her happy. She's under __just__ a little bit of stress, as I'm sure you know. __I'll give her back her phone to text you in a minute, I just wanted you to know that she's safe and sound, and that I will personally see to it that you don't get near her again. Good luck on your term paper, Deva.'_

Pain's hand clenched tightly around the phone and his jaw tightened as he re-read the message, which could only be from Madara. He flashed back to Itachi's advice to take Konan away, and only wished his friend had let him know sooner. He ground his teeth and quickly found the next message, getting a pain in his chest as he read Konan's words.

'_Contractions started, he's going to take the baby. Please, please __come- it's hard to be badass when you're in labour. Pain.. please, __I'm really scared.' _

Pain stood up quickly, sending his chair crashing to the floor. He stormed to the front of the room, the entire class staring at him. He slid his paper over to Kakashi and walked straight out, breaking into a run once he was out of the door.  
His heart was hammering in his head, and he shut his eyes, swearing loudly as he imagined Konan's face as she composed that message... crying, scared... feeling everything he had promised her she wouldn't. Heaven knows what Madara planned on doing to her... what he was perhaps doing already...

He tore around the corners of the hallways, sending people flying at the walls as he passed them. He skidded into the ceramics studio, slamming the door open so hard it cracked the wall. His eyes searched the room, ignoring all the eyes on him and the shrieks of the teacher as he hunted for Sasori and Deidara. He didn't have to look long; they'd taken one look at him and stood up, heading towards him.

"It's an emergency." Sasori said to the teacher on their way out and slammed the door behind them.

"What's up?" Deidara asked, his hands in his pockets. Pain pressed a fist to his forehead in an attempt to calm himself down, at least a little. There was so much that had to be done, but they had no time whastoever.

"Madara's got Konan and she's having the baby." In a different situation, their reaction would have been great to catch on film. Deidara grabbed Sasori's shoulders and yanked back in surprise, sending Sasori staggering backwards. Both looked like Tsunade had just flashed them, only more panicked than impressed. But the shock was just the same.

"Yeah, and we have to move fast. He's gonna..." Pain cleared his throat and shut his eyes. It was impossible to think when there was a drum solo pounding away in his head, matching his heartbeat and thundering away.

"He's gonna kill the baby if we don't get there... not to mention Konan is fucking terrified and... Oh my God I have no idea what to do, fucking hell she's having a _baby _and I don't even-"  
Something about his expression must have freaked them out, because he'd barely started to ramble when Deidara pulled back and punched him square in the face. He reeled backwards, clutching his jaw, but thanked him anyway, breathing slower.

"I need you to grab Hidan and Kakuzu. Kisame's with Itachi... Meet me at the front of the school as fast as you can. I'll get dad to trace the texts... Konan's got GPS on her phone, right?" he muttered as Deidara and Sasori ran off. He pressed speed dial 4 and listened, fingers drumming impatiently on the back of his phone as he waited for his dad to pick up.

* * *

Konan held her head in her hands.  
She was sitting waist-deep in a clear glass tank of lukewarm water, completely naked except for a thin blue dress that fastened with poppers. Around her men in white coats tapped away at machines or spoke in low voices. Earlier, one of them had poked two clear tubes into her wrist, and they were now dripping a clear liquid into her. She had never felt more miserable and exposed.  
The wide room was stark and white, full of machines and shelves and people, and the fluorescent lights hurt her eyes. It had been eight minutes since her last contraction, but she was still clammy and shaking.  
It had been two hours since Madara had let her text Pain. She hadn't known what to write: she didn't know where she was or how long she had been there, had no way of knowing if he'd even be able to find her. She'd just sat there with the phone in her hand, crying and shaking until someone had told her to hurry up.

A cold hand on her back jerked her back to the present, and she looked up apprehensively. Madara smiled thinly down at her and she recoiled away from his touch.

"Get away from me." she muttered venomously.

"Always the fighting spirit, eh?" he said in amusement, petting her head before stepping back and taking a look at her body, slouched uncomfortably in the tank.

"I will fight you until the day I die. I will tear your heart out with my teeth," Konan said breathlessly.  
Despite what she said, she didn't have the energy to do either of those things.  
The fight had been drained out of her on the journey to the laboratory: she'd managed to knock out two of the henchmen he'd brought with him to abduct her, the first by slamming him backwards into the wall when he grabbed her and the second by head-butting him, but after that the contractions had begun to sap her energy and she'd been handcuffed and gagged.

"How long are you going to keep me here? Am I going to be your personal guinea pig?" she asked quietly, fingers worrying the fraying edge of her hospital gown.

"My darling girl, I am only keeping you _here _until you expel the baby. But yes, I am going to keep you in my sight until you are no longer useful to me, or until I get enough money in my hand to persuade me into giving you up to another like me. There is no escape. It's like I told you before- when you sleep, when you eat, when you die... I'll always be with you, either right beside you or in your mind." he said in a raspy, sing-song voice as he twirled her hair around his fingers.  
Konan shuddered and began to cry again before another contraction ripped through her, leaving her clutching the edges of her tank, her muscles trembling and weak.

"Keep up the good work, my dear. We'll have that out of you in no time." Madara said confidently, strolling away.

Konan bent her head to her knees again and cried harder, sinking her teeth into her own flesh, dry, gasping sobs echoing off of the walls of the tank.

_I'm really, really...really...  
_


End file.
